Gamer4 in. It's hot... so hot... seriously, it's so hot that even my computer isn't working properly- I think there's sweat going through the motherboard or something. Computers work like that, right? Well, whatever- it's actually cooler in the computer room (kind of like it's cooler on the sun than it is in the center of the earth,) so, what better way to beat the heat than to come down here and write a chapter? Hope you enjoy- I'll be dying on my end...
Disclaimer: Masquerading as a man with a reason, my charade is the event of the season, and if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.
Chapter VI
The Fire in the Reeds
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I, for one, am excruciatingly tired!" Link spoke in an unnecessarily loud voice as they began climbing up to bed. "I am so sleepy, I have no energy left to talk about anything we just heard- I just need to conk out on my bed, and sleep straight through the rest of summer vacation!" Lowering his voice quite a bit, he added, "Do you think we're out of earshot?"
"I'd say so," Zelda nodded, glancing back at the eighty or so stories they'd climbed. "Well, I'll go to my room- I'm sure Peach is asleep, too..."
"If, by 'asleep,' you mean 'waiting for you to come in and tell her everything,' then yes, I'd say she probably is," Link agreed as he and Mario turned into their room.
Parakarry and Riki, Link's own pet albatross, were both moving around the room somewhat restlessly, so Link tossed them a couple of treats from the local pokemart to pacify them. "Lock the door tight, alright?" he requested as he turned to collapse on his bed.
"Why?" Mario asked as he clicked the lock behind him.
"This place has a yoshi living here- Bana, he's insane," Link explained. "First night staying here, I woke up and saw him picking through my drawers... let's just say I have no desire to repeat the experience."
"Fair enough," Mario shrugged as he sat down on his own. "Well, I guess we're about as 'up to speed' now as we're likely to get- but they didn't tell us much we hadn't put together already."
"Yeah," Link nodded regretfully. "Only one new piece of info, and that- WIND OF FARORE, STOP DOING THAT!" he cursed as a bright yellow star appeared and formed into two twin puffballs.
"Keep it down, keep it down!" they quickly silenced him. "You don't want to tip Mom off, do you?"
"Well, maybe I'd be a bit more accommodating if you'd stop teleporting in right on top of me!"
Kirby looked down to find himself on Link's chest, Meta on his... waist area. "Oh- sorry."
"Sorry is right," Link grumbled as they clambered down. "Do I look like a jungle gym to you?"
"Well, in this lighting..." Kirby shrugged thoughtfully.
"Not important!" Meta interrupted. "What we're really here to talk about- what do you two think? You know, about that thing Roy was talking about?"
"If only Mom hadn't stopped him," Kirby shook his head in regret. "He really wanted to let us know..."
"So, any idea what it might be?" Mario asked.
"With the information we have, we have a better chance of guessing tomorrow's lottery numbers," Meta shook his head.
"I'm with Mario," Link mused. "The Great Darkness already has his deathblow, why would he need a better weapon than that?"
"Maybe it's like the lullaby flute- it can kill a lot of people at once?" Kirby speculated.
"Or maybe it causes whoever he's killing pain," Meta suggested.
"No, he wouldn't need that," Mario shook his head. "He's already got Dark Aperture- that's all he'll ever need, as far as torture goes, believe you me."
"So, whatever this thing is... who has it now?" Kirby wondered aloud.
"Here's hoping the Master Hand at least knows where it is," Link bit his lip in concern.
"If he has it, you can bet he'll have hidden it away, nice and snug," Meta threw his hat into the ring. "Hey, maybe it's at the Smash Mansion- why not, it's where he kept the Hylian Stone!"
"But if this is something the Great Darkness is after, it'll be a lot bigger than some stupid stone," Link shook his head.
"Because size equals power?" Kirby injected some skepticism into his voice. "What about Peach, then?"
"What about Peach?" Mario asked, raising his eyebrows.
"What, you've never been on the receiving end of her divine wrath?" Meta smirked.
"Of course he hasn't- Mario's the one person she'd never show that side of herself to," Kirby equaled his brother's smirk.
"Quiet!" Link interrupted, a look of fear crossing his eyes. "Do you hear that?"
Everyone fell silent, and heard footsteps in the hall. Kirby and Meta cursed, and, once again, were gone.
There was a knock at their door, and Uli's voice- "Do I hear voices in there?"
Link hurriedly let loose with a chainsaw rip of a snore, panic in his eyes- but it seemed to satisfy his mother, for the next sound was of footsteps going back down the stairs. Speaking as loudly as he dared- not much above a whisper, in other words- Link said, "No point in worrying about it now- might as well sleep on it a bit."
Mario nodded and rolled over, closing his eyes and attempting to force himself into the bliss of sleep.
XXXX
As sure as he'd been that he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, it was decently late the next day by the time he and Link were awoken by the twin puffballs, calling them down to breakfast, and, ultimately, upstairs to what they referred to as the 'tapestry room' for Mario's first bout of cleaning with the Alluvia household.
As he awaited said bout, he began to wonder how literal that term would be- the Farons (and Zelda,) as they stood there looked like new privates being broken in by the drill sergeant- i.e., Uli. As she'd indicated the previous night, the place was alive with batlike creatures Mario recognized from his textbooks as keese, which were technically creatures associated with the Evils, but in the grand scheme of things, were more annoyances than genuine threats to prospective hunters.
"Ten-hut!" Uli barked as all her children (as well as Zelda and Mario) fell into formation, complete with salutes. "Alright, ladies and gents! Today, we embark on a mission most dangerous- your enemies are these creatures of the night! You will each take one of these-" here, she indicated a series of paint guns propped up on a nearby wall- "load them with those special cartridges-" sitting on a nearby sofa- "and open fire upon the enemy! The cartridges are loaded with a special power-up from Wolf O'Donnell that will paralyze the enemy, at which point you will dump them into this tub here!" A large, bright red plastic container at her feet. "You are all paying rent to Roy Alluvia, and today, the payment comes in the form of paralyzed keese! Roy likes keese, so each of us will be presenting him with ten paralyzed keese by the end of today! Do you understand?!"
"Aye, sir!" Kirby and Meta chorused.
"Very well- begin!"
And so began the war against the keese. Well... either his textbooks had been wildly downplaying the lethality of keese, or Roy's family had been intentionally breeding superstrong keese with a taste for human blood- at this point, neither would really surprise him. It really was all-out warfare on those bats- they were much like the Mr. Batties that Tingle Limpah, one of their previous Protection from the Evils teachers, had unleashed a couple years back, except where those had caused chaos out of their own stupidity, the keese seemed to be actively aggressive, snatching and snaring at them, screeching, and generally raising a ruckus. Naturally, it didn't take long for the Faron twins to start really playing up the dramatic aspect of the whole thing.
"Aaargggghhhh, it's got me!" Kirby cried dramatically, spinning around and collapsing.
"No, Kirby!" Meta wailed, rushing to his side, blasting at any keese that dared draw near. "Don't go- you're the only one around here I can talk to!"
"Forget about me, Meta! Save yourself!"
"I'm not quitting you!" Meta cried- only to briefly clear his throat, muttering, "Everyone look away for a moment." He quickly threw his head back and shot some drops into his eyes, then looked back at Kirby, returning to his dramatic voice as he 'sobbed,' "I ain't quitting on you! Not after all we've been through!"
"Are you two finished?" Peach asked, her eyes half-closed as she looked at them, casually blasting at the keese behind her. Mario felt something funny- something he thought he might have felt before around... Pauline Dama? Nah, he must be imagining things...
"Yeah, sure," the twins nodded in unison, turning back to the keese and opening fire. Mario, however, caught it- under the guise of their dramatic war re-enactment, Kirby had slipped a fallen keese into Meta's headband.
"So, what're you two up to?" he asked quietly, fighting his way through the bat hordes to them.
"What makes you think we're up to something?" the twins asked in perfect synchronization, summoning up their patented 'innocence halos.'
"Your muscles were moving," Mario snarked. "Seriously, what's with the bats?"
"Keese," Meta corrected. "Research and development, dear Mario, research and development."
"Research and development of what?"
"New product idea!" Kirby explained brightly. "The core tenet of capitalism, after all, is supply and demand- see a need, fill a need! We happened to see a need- students laboring under the oppression of boring, dull classes..."
"And we thought we'd fill that need with special 'power-ups' that make the recipient just sick enough to get them Nurse Tessie's permission to duck out of class, before taking the antidote and getting to enjoy all their newfound time to themselves!" Meta nodded happily.
"You're sure that Nurse Tessie won't be able to cure it on her own?" Mario asked skeptically.
"You wound us, Mario!" Kirby cringed as though a bullet had torn through him. "You don't think we thought of that?"
"The ailments caused by our power-ups will have the sole cure of other power-ups supplied by us!" Meta agreed. "Or- well, that's the goal, at least- like I said, we're still at the research and development stage."
"Yeah, our testers' satisfaction isn't particularly high at the moment," Kirby shook his head.
"You have testers?"
"Well, ourselves," the twins shrugged. "Peach and Link'll lend a hand if the mood strikes them- which doesn't happen often, for some reason. And, of course, we'd have to be senile before we let Zelda in on all this."
"I suppose I can assume, then, that my ten thousand gold coin investment is being well spent?" Mario spoke quieter than ever- he didn't want the others knowing what he'd actually done with his winnings from the Console Games the previous year- as far as they knew, he'd invested it all in his own copy of the Wii version of Xenoblade Chronicles- and still had some money left over he'd had to withdraw from his account at the Third National Bank of Smashing.
"Oh, yeah, we're taking good care of it," Kirby agreed. "Obviously, we aren't starting an actual store yet- still in school, and all that- but we've got some advertisements in the Fourside Tribune- taking advantage of Mom refusing to read a word they write anymore."
"Why?" Mario asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because of what they say about you," Meta shrugged.
Around which time Uli noted they were shirking, and threatened to court marshal them if they didn't get back to it, sending them back to the front lines of the war.
It was about noon by the time they finished, just in time for Roy to open the door to look in on the progress. "I can tell you've been busy," he noted, scrunching up his nose. "Smells like that anthro's concoctions in here."
"Very astute," Uli agreed shortly. "Well, I think that's all the keese- if there are any left, we can tackle them later on. We'll take a lunch break, then take on those cupboards- Wave Existence knows what these people were storing in there."
Mario glanced at cupboards whose doors resembled the gates of hell, down to having skulls carved into them- skulls with glowing, orange eyes. "Looks like happy fun times," he muttered.
"Knowing my parents, nothing good," Roy responded to Uli. "By the way, Kamek's here- says he wants to talk to you."
"Kamek?" Uli raised her eyebrows. "What does he want?"
Roy shrugged, Uli stood up, and headed out the door. Roy turned to smile at the others. "So, now that she's out of the way, how are those new designs working out?"
"Designs?" Mario asked.
"For our bugs," Kirby smiled. "Soup cans are out, so we thought we'd redesign them a bit."
"Roy's been helping you?"
"Let's just say I've got a more libertarian approach to all this than Uli," Roy shrugged.
"Were you lying to her about Kamek just to get her out of here?" Zelda crossed her arms.
"Nah, he's actually here- and looking to store some of that highmore caviar, by the looks of it."
"Highmore caviar?"
"It's a smashing drug- making it and selling it is a good way to make some easy cash," Roy explained. "Highly illegal, of course- which just made everyone angrier when he left you behind to get some from some shady merchant over in-"
Before he could even finish that sentence, an explosion seemed to sound off from the lower floors of the building- from the center of which rose up Uli Faron's voice.
"YOU MISERABLE LITTLE THIEF, THIS PLACE IS THE HOME OF THE MOVEMENT AGAINST THE GREAT DARKNESS, NOT AN OUTPOST FOR YOUR BLACK MARKET DEALS!"
"From the sounds of it, Mom still hasn't gotten over it," Peach noted dryly, cringing inside the doorway as her mother's voice echoed through the house.
"LEAVING MARIO BEHIND TO PICK UP THIS FILTH, LEAVING HIM TO FEND FOR HIMSELF AGAINST THOSE CREATURES FROM THE UNDERWORLD- DO YOU EVEN REALIZE THE GRAVITY-"
"Filth? Filth? FILTH! FILTH! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTH! YOU CREATURES OF FILTH, STAINS UPON THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE! YOU MISERABLE HEAPS OF DUNG ENCROACHING UPON THE HOME OF THE REED FAMILY, THE HOME OF MY FOREFATHERS-"
"And there goes my mother," Roy muttered, facepalming. "I guess you'll have to tell me about your new bug designs later- I have to go shut her up..."
He dashed out the door, leaving them behind to listen to the shouting of the two women going on below... until the door creaked open again, revealing a rather strange creature on the other side. On the surface, it resembled a yoshi, a dinosaur-dragon creature Mario had seen many times before... but on the other hand, it kind of resembled roadkill as well. Its skin was an unhealthy green color, while the blue of the ridge on its back didn't seem to complement the rest of its body at all, the way most other yoshis ridges complemented theirs. On its back was a saddle that looked like it had seen better days- it seemed to be wearing away and falling apart at the seems even as they watched. It was old, decrepit, and looked like a single gust of wind could reduce him to dust at any moment.
Mario had to stare as it made its way into the room, walking around and talking- seemingly to itself, as though none of them made any impact in its vision. "She acts as though she is any better, but we know better, don't we, precious?" it spoke in a strange voice that suggested it either used its voice too often, or not often enough- Mario couldn't decide which. "A traitor to her own blood, isn't she, precious? Destroying all that Lady Reed sought to build all these years, the pain... for shame, for shame, Bana, allowing in wollywogs and werecreatures and thieves... what is Bana to do, precious?"
Throughout this monologue, Kirby and Meta Knight were sneaking up behind him, before finally calling out, "HEY, BANA, HOW'S IT GOING?!"
Bana did not jump- in fact, he didn't look even remotely surprised as he turned to face them. "Ah... the marshmallows. Bana did not see the little masters standing there... though he smelled the scent of their internalized hatred for anything pure..."
"Doth our ears inform us of slights against our character?" the twins asked, eyes narrowing without any genuine anger behind them.
"Bana would never presume to utter blasphemy against ones so pure of blood," Bana shook his head slowly. "Hateful towards their own people as they may be," he added under his breath.
Mario was stunned- what exactly was going on here? He honestly couldn't tell if Bana was using his apparent insanity as an excuse to be rude, or if he genuinely didn't recognize the difference between what he was saying in his mind and what he was saying out loud.
And he was back to it, looking at Zelda this time. "And there stands the wollywog, acting as though she possesses any right to be in even Bana's presence, let alone breathing the air once breathed by Lady Reed and her forebears... and what of this new boy? Bana has yet to lay eyes upon him, precious..."
"This is Mario, Bana," Zelda introduced him- Mario raised his hand in an uncertain wave. "Mario Mario."
Bana cringed. "Has Bana truly stooped so low as to be addressed like this by a wollywog, precious? Bana has no desire to-"
"Look, enough of this wollywog stuff already!" Peach burst out, causing Mario to jump- he'd been assuming so far that that teapot whistle had been coming from Link, only to realize Link was standing on his other side- Peach, meanwhile, had been steadily turning red for the past minute or so. "You little-"
"Ease off, Peach, he's not in his right mind," Zelda spoke calmly.
"Don't make excuses for him," Peach hissed, her eyes expressing a clear distaste for the yoshi. "He knows what he's saying, and he's dang proud of it!"
Bana didn't seem to notice this debate going on on his behalf- he was too busy sizing Mario up. "So it is," he finally muttered. "Mario Mario it must be, for Bana can see the scar upon his head, precious. Bana truly stands in the presence of the boy who defeated the Great Darkness... truly, a great act... but how did he do it?"
"Still trying to wrap my mind around that one myself," Mario admitted with a shrug.
"What are you here for, anyway?" Peach asked, still with a note of hostility in her voice.
Bana wearily shook his head again. "Bana thought he would assist in the cleaning of the tapestry room, precious..."
"And that's something I'll believe when I see it," came another scathing voice, this time from the doorway. Mario turned to see Roy bestowing upon Bana the nastiest look Mario had ever seen from his godfather- well, not quite as nasty as the look he'd once reserved for Mumkhar, but pretty close. Upon seeing him, Bana quickly dropped into a kowtowing position. Roy shook his head agitatedly. "I already told you not to bow to me!" he barked. "I don't want your reverence- I want to know what you're really doing!"
"Bana has already said- he is cleaning in the service of the house of Reed..."
"This isn't the house of Reed anymore," Roy objected fiercely. "Not while it's my house."
"That is, of course, at Mr... Mr. Alluvia's discretion," Bana nodded, before turning away. "Though he is not grateful enough to his parents to even retain their name, precious... he believes he deserves to inherit the house of those whose very name he shunned..."
"Spare me the lectures," Roy interrupted. "I'll ask again- what are you really doing here? You only help with the cleaning when we're about to throw away something you don't want thrown away- so what is it this time?"
"Bana is insulted at the very idea that he would mistreat the former possessions of Lady Reed in such a fashion!" Bana objected- before dropping back into his mumbles. "The tapestry- the young master will no doubt turn his attention to the tapestry next- what would Bana do if he truly discarded it?!"
"The tapestry, huh?" Roy mused, turning to the tapestry that gave the room its name. "Well, don't worry about that, Bana- we won't be throwing that away any time soon. Not for lack of trying, mind you... now go away."
Bana shook his head wearily once more before shuffling out of the room and down the hall. Roy followed suit, shaking his head and doing some muttering of his own. "Little scumbag..."
Zelda crossed her arms again. "You're really not being fair, Roy- it's not his fault, he doesn't realize we're standing here!"
"Side effect of being alone here ever since Mumsy kicked off," Roy rubbed his temples. "The only person he's had to talk to is that picture of her down there, and her vocabulary's pretty limited..."
"Why not set him free?" Zelda suggested, hope in her voice. "Set him free, let him see the world, let him have some experiences of his own!"
As the conversation between them continued, Link leaned in towards Mario. "As you can probably tell, she hasn't given up on SOYLENT yet."
"So I gathered," Mario nodded. "Plenty of obscure movie references ahoy!"
Roy, meanwhile, responded to Zelda's suggestion with, "Believe you me, Zelda, there's not much that would give me greater pleasure than to kick that little smegger out of the house- but that's not really an option. He has too much information about Philanthropy, and too much sympathy for the starmen's cause." Smirking slightly, he added, "Besides, just the idea of leaving this place would give him a heart attack- seriously, just mention the possibility in his presence, see how he reacts."
"LUNCHTIME!"came a call from downstairs, ushering Kirby, Meta, Peach, Link, and Zelda out the door and down the stairs. Mario, however, lingered behind with his godfather, examining the tapestry. Imprinted on it was a vast family tree, with disturbingly few branches, dating back... quite a ways. Examining it for a while, he realized something surprising- "Roy... where are you?"
Roy chuckled. "Oh, don't bother looking for me here- Mom had a habit of tearing names off the old family tree whenever the corresponding person failed to meet her expectations. I was there." He pointed to an area where there was simply a gaping hole in the fabric, showing the wall behind.
There was something nagging at the back of Mario's mind- he decided now was as good a time as any to bring it up. "Is that something to do with...?"
"My different last name?" Roy guessed, smiling. "Oh, yeah. When I was growing up, my Dad would always bring me books to read- stories about far-away lands, people fighting for heroic ideals, champions of justice and virtue... one of my favorites was about a little kingdom called Alluvia... So, when, one day, I decided that I didn't like the person known to the world as 'Roy Reed,' I left this place and decided to make a new name for myself, one that people could look at with respect and dignity, not even having to acknowledge the baggage that came with my surname- I guess 'Alluvia' was just the most fitting name I could think of."
"Why did you do it?" Mario asked softly.
"Leave?" Roy guessed. "Well... because this place was a hellhole for me. My Dad was decent enough, and apparently, Mom seemed pretty decent at first, too... until she got married to him and decided to go full pure-blood puritan on him and her children. She... she was a terrible person... she abused him terribly... punished him any time he ever thought to disagree with her on anything... and nobody would help him... my brother was too far into her indoctrination to see just how far up his butt his head had drilled, so it was just me and Dad who were sane here- he got me those books to show me a world outside, a world not ruled by a madwoman... and then one day, she found out about it and killed him for it."
Mario gasped, cringing in sympathy. Roy shook his head. "That was the last straw- I was only staying behind in the first place because I was worried about Dad- with him gone, there was nothing to do but smeg off- there was nothing left for me here."
"What did you do then?"
"Went to your father's- he was sympathetic to my plight- he'd been offering me a place over in Gem Heights for years beforehand," Roy recalled with a smile. "Forgive me for the Supernatural reference, but he really was the one who gripped me tight and raised me from perdition- if it weren't for him, I don't know if I'd have had the courage to leave. But he and his parents welcomed me with open arms- as long as I kept my room clean and did the dishes on Wednesdays," he added with a light tone of humor in his voice.
Mario didn't even know where to begin- eventually, he finally said, "You... you had a brother?"
"Well, Jake was always my real brother- to quote Supernatural again, family doesn't end at blood- or start at it, either, for that matter. But yes, as far as blood goes, I had a brother- you'll find a picture of him right... there."
Mario looked, and spied a picture of a man who seemed to be made out of darkness- except for a blood-red mouth. He was dressed in fancy white clothing, up to a monocle in one eye. The name beneath him was Blumiere Reed.
"Mom always loved rubbing his indoctrination into my face," Roy said scornfully. "When he joined up with the starmen, she treated it like he'd made star seeker on the smash-up team."
"He- he joined the starmen?" Mario asked, taken aback.
"Sure did- never really advanced through the ranks, but he wore the mark of the emissary with pride," Roy nodded.
"Was your Mom...?"
"No, no, she wasn't," Roy shook his head. "Though, as she constantly said, she would be, if she was a little younger. Tabuu had quite the following before people realized just how deranged he was. Had his own Youtube show and everything."
"What happened to him?"
"Tabuu? I thought you knew very well what happened to him."
"No... to Blumiere? What happened to him?"
Roy shook his head. "He's dead, now. He died a year or two before the end of the war."
"By a hunter?"
"No... no, it was Tabuu."
Mario blinked in surprise. "Tabuu?!"
"Well, more likely, Tabuu just ordered the hit," Roy corrected himself. "Blumiere was just a grunt to him- nowhere near important enough for the leader of the organization to take care of him personally."
"But why-"
"Somewhere along the line, Blumiere got cold feet," Roy explained. "Exactly why depends on who's telling the story. Towards the end, he was always talking about some woman named Timpani- you ask me, he fell in love with a muggle, or a muggle-born, or someone he knew would be looked down on by the starman movement- and probably killed for it. Not that Mom would ever believe that, of course- anything, anything but her dear Blumiere finally growing a brain and thinking for himself, seeing past those prejudices... Not that it matters either way. The point is, he was disillusioned with Tabuu, decided to opt out of continued starmanship. But, of course, leaving the starmen isn't like leaving a job at K-Mart- you don't make a deal with the Devil then just decide to end it off early."
Roy shook his head once more, then began running his hands along the tapestry, examining it closely. "Man, it's been a while since I looked at this thing... ah, Father Balder, one of my distant ancestors... he was a headmaster at the Smash Bros., if not a popular one... his niece, Jacqueline Natla-Reed, who got into government, arguing that it was impossible to be racist against muggles to begin with... I'm sure you're sensing a trend, here- you won't find anyone with a shred of humanity on here. If anyone was born who didn't fit the family ideals, off they went- you're never going to find Krystal on here, for instance."
"Krystal?" Mario asked. "Krystal's related to the Reeds?"
"Yup," Roy nodded. "She's my niece, and I always loved going to visit her mother- my cousin. No point looking for her, either- Palutena was divergent from this family from day one. That's where she was, if you care..."
Mario examined the tapestry closer. Sure enough, there was another hole, linked in sisterhood to two other names- Veran Reed, tied to Zant Labrynna. On the other side was Viridi Reed, married to Ghirahim Dragmire, and just below that was...
"Bowser!" Mario gasped. "You're related to the Dragmires?!"
"Technically so," Roy nodded. "But most of the old pure-blood family trees don't branch, if you know what I mean. Odds are, most pure-bloods you meet are related to each other in one fashion or another. Rusl and I aren't that far removed from each other either, to be honest- his father was my father's second cousin. But don't worry- they aren't anywhere on here- the Farons were always infamous among the Reeds for not having proper pride in the purity of their blood."
Mario turned his attention back to Veran. Something about that name- and visage- was familiar...
"Cousin Veran," Roy noticed his look. "Wasn't nearly as fond of her as I was of Palutena. Doesn't matter anymore- she's in Subspace. She, her husband, Zant, and Magalor- another starman- were all sent in along with Franziska von Karma."
Now Mario remembered- he'd witnessed that trial through flashback, via the strange book in the Master Hand's office that allowed one to witness memories as though they were actually happening again. "She's... she's your-"
"It doesn't matter," Roy objected immediately. "Like I said, family doesn't start or stop at blood- Fox and Louie were more my cousins than Veran or Zant ever were." Looking around, a scowl began to form on his face. "I hate this house," he muttered. "Hate it, hate it, hate it. It's nothing but a series of bad memories wrapped up in a rotten bow..."
"I think I get you... a bit, at least," Mario raised an arm to his godfather's shoulder. "It's like... it's like if I finally got out of Peach Creek, then had to go back and live with the Smiths again..."
"Kind of like that, yeah," Roy gave a wan smile. "The only satisfaction in it is taking it away from Mom- it's my house now, I'll do what I want with it. All the stuff you used to spout your pure-blood superiority rhetoric bullcrud? Well, now it's Philanthropy's headquarters." Grinning widely, he donned a pair of sunglasses. "Deal with it."
Pulling them off, he sighed. "I don't know... maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I could leave every now and again, do the occasional mission, get my hands dirty... it doesn't have to be some big, prestigious job, anything would do... maybe I could come to your trial, lend a bit of moral support? As a wolf, of course- an odd choice of pet, but people in the smasher world have had weirder!"
Mario's heart lurched. "I was... I was trying to forget..."
"Sorry," Roy apologized quickly. "It's just..."
"It's not your fault," Mario shook his head. "I'm just... I'm scared. Roy... if worst comes to worst... if they find me guilty... can I come back here and live with you?"
Roy lowered his head- a shadow crossed his brow. "You'll have to take that one up with the Hand."
"It'd make me feel better if I knew a guilty verdict wasn't a one-way ticket back to Peach Creek," Mario hinted.
"Those Smiths must be terrible people," Roy noted gloomily, ignorant of the rain woman outside the window who began having fits at the word 'gloomily.' "That this place seems better than going back to them..."
"It's not the place," Mario smiled. "It's the people."
Abruptly, both jumped as the door opened and Uli called in- "Come on down, you two, or there won't be any food left!"
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Mario was glad to see Roy join in with them in the war against the tapestry room after lunch- due, in no small part, to having more help with all the bizarre things being kept there. The cupboards opened up to a fragment of some ancient artifact that turned any technology on hand into bizarre demonic creatures, a copy of a strange book that seemed to have a human face sewn into the cover, a book blacker than night with three letters imprinted onto the cover: E.N.D.- that Roy warned heavily against opening, and a mask somewhat resembling Link's face wearing war paint that Link couldn't help but try on when they found it, only to transform him into a monstrous being dubbing itself the 'Fierce Deity,' and causing them to spend another large portion of the afternoon stopping him from destroying all life as we know it.
Once everyone got back into the tapestry room, sweating profusely and shooting death glares at a furiously blushing Link, (Mario clutching the mask's ashes in his hand,) their next find was an odd pair of glasses that Mario could swear he'd seen elsewhere before, earpieces folded up next to the lenses. Violating all common sense, Link attempted to unfold the spectacles and place them on his face, but before anyone could stop him, he had given up- no matter how much strength he applied to them, they refused to open up for him. It became a brief game, everyone struggling to be the one who could unfold the glasses and see what secrets they might hold- but nobody could, prompting Roy to simply toss them in the trash bin.
Every now and again, Bana would return, attempting to sneak away with various Reed family mementos. Roy got more and more frustrated every time they caught him at it, eventually furiously ordering him to turn in early that day, which the yoshi did with an absurd amount of reluctance.
As Roy turned, breathing heavily, back into the room, Zelda gave a gasp. "Wow- you make your family out to be such bad people, but look at this- your grandfather, Nergal, won a medal of honor!"
"What for?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Services to the government," Zelda read from the document included with the shiny medallion.
Roy scoffed. "Let me translate that for ya, Zelda- he bought it with a hefty donation to the people in charge of that stuff."
"Oh..." Zelda's eyes were downcast as she tossed it in the trash along with the glasses.
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For the most part, this set the tone for the next week or so. Mario was starting to agree with Roy- Wolf referred to this job as cleaning the house to make it sound degrading, but in reality, it was quite a furious war bringing this place into order. Finishing up the tapestry room (with the exception of the Tane-Tane, about which they still weren't sure,) sent them climbing steadily up the stairs, taking one room out at a time. If things weren't difficult enough, the house had a secret agent among their ranks- Bana, who insisted on sneaking in all the time and attempting to make off with various heirlooms. Mario was certain he succeeded on occasion, but for the most part, the only thing he succeeded in was infuriating Roy more and more.
Mario kept an eye out for other members of Philanthropy whenever he could. Some, he recognized, such as Samus Aran, (disguised as a normal muggle businesswoman in a suit that was somehow stranger than her normal attire,) teacher of Transformation at the Smash Mansion and head of Mario's group. In addition was Daisy, head of Hal, Pikachu, of Retro, and Hershell Layton, professor of Archeology and Muggle Relations. For the most part, they were only in for a moment or two before dashing out again on whatever jobs the Master Hand had for them.
Every now and again, a visitor would stay behind to help out a bit- Krystal's blaster was great help in taking down some wels in the attic, and Fox had no trouble chipping in against a bokoblin that got worryingly close to Zelda while her back was turned. At one point, Link took a wrong turn into Purgatorio, a parallel dimension to our own, giving Kamek the chance to redeem himself by diving in after him and apparently fighting off hordes of angels to get him back- though which one contributed the most to said fight varied depending on who one asked.
Strange as it may sound, Mario was happy with this arrangement- it wasn't quite the work against Tabuu he'd been imagining, but at least he was doing something. In the in-between moments, however, a lurking fear overcame him- the dread that was the upcoming trial at the government. He had once compared the trials of the Console Games to a monster crouching down in his path, something that he had no chance of surmounting, but had to, if he was to continue living... this actual trial was much, much worse. He had the feeling Link and Zelda wanted to comfort him, but was glad they were abstaining- he didn't think he could handle trying to talk about it.
One day, Mrs. Faron nearly caused him a heart attack by dropping in on him and saying, "I'm washing you a suit for the trial tomorrow- nice and red, just like your tuxedo. Take a nice, thorough shower tonight, okay? You'd be surprised how much good a good first impression can do."
Mario stiffly moved his head up and down in a nod only a few millimeters in each direction. The Faron kids (and Zelda) paused to look over and follow this conversation a bit.
Forcing himself to swallow his mouthful of spaghetti, Mario asked, "H...How'll I be getting there?"
"Rusl's taking you to work with him tomorrow," Uli spoke gently. "Bring a DS or something, you'll have to wait an hour or so before the trial officially starts."
"Well, I am partway through Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask," Mario smiled wanly- a smile Uli returned.
"That's the ticket."
Mario forced down another bite of spaghetti, then asked, "So... Roy... you coming, too?"
Roy shook his head. "Talked to the Hand about it, he turned me down."
"Really? When?" Mario asked, surprised.
"He was over last night," Uli explained, turning back to the kitchen where a large pot of spaghetti sauce was boiling away.
Mario winced. The night of a trial that could decide his future as a smasher, and even still, the Master Hand didn't bother to talk to him.
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Sorry about the brief delay for this chapter- a thunderstorm rolled through town a couple days ago, didn't exactly agree with the power lines. A brief word before I end things off- I always knew that, if I really intended to go the whole hog with this series, things would inevitably become darker as they went along, but I am also aware that what drew a lot of people to this series, including myself, was the idea of injecting an oddball sense of humor into all of it. So, while, inevitably, things are going to get darker, and I'm probably going to end up injecting a lot of my own opinions (particularly in regards to politics in this story,) I want to make an agreement with you all right now- if things ever get too dark, or if I'm starting to offend anybody with what vaguely counts as political commentary, let me know, and I'll do everything I can to dial it back. I won't say exactly what made me think about this, but we'll just say that I'm starting to sense I've already offended one or two people, for which I genuinely apologize. Now that that's out of the way, I've got to go pick up my sister. See you guys next time- should be fairly soon! Until then, please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!