Mario Mario and the Order of Philanthropy Chapter 8: Turnabout Pyromancer, a super smash brothers fanfic

Gamer4 in. To clarify what I was talking about last chapter (i.e., vote Baja Blast,) Mountain Dew is holding yet another vote between multiple flavors to determine which one people like better- Baja Blast or Pitch Black (or maybe it was Black Label- can't remember off the top of my head.) Enter me encouraging people to vote Baja Blast because, while Pitch Black is a good flavor... it's no Baja Blast. Of course, maybe you guys have a different opinion, but whatcha gonna do- this is a dewmocracy, after all! ... I don't actually take credit for that pun, Pepsi does. Alright, before I embarrass myself any further, let's get started.

Disclaimer: Carry on, my wayward son! There'll be peace when you are done! Lay your weary head to rest- don't you cry no more!

Chapter VIII

Turnabout Pyromancer

Mario had already been expecting his jaw to drop when he crossed this door's threshold- he didn't know what would cause it, but he was pretty much certain that it was going to happen, so when his jaw did, indeed, drop, his hand was already there to catch it.

He didn't know what he'd been imagining when they mentioned courtrooms beneath the government offices, but it certainly hadn't been this. He knew this place- he'd seen it before- he'd been here before.

The previous year, he'd been sitting in the Master Hand's office, checking the validity of his skittle bowl, when he came across a rather interesting book in the Hand's possession. And no, we're not implying anything- insinuated porn jokes are so Bottle of Lightning. Anyways, upon opening the strange book, he'd discovered it was actually a portal into the Hand's memories- a grossly oversimplified explanation, but it'll do for now- maybe we'll get a better one in twenty chapters or so.

In said memories, he had fallen into a courtroom used years and years ago by the government of smashing to try suspected starmen- and it was in one of those very courtrooms that he now stood. It looked almost exactly the same as he remembered it, from the polished wooden walls, floors, and benches to the accused's chair, right next to the defense's bench, the finely kept witness stand, the galleries raised above, the Judge's chair that loomed high above the rest...

"I am glad to see you finally saw fit to grace us with your presence," came a cold voice from the direction of the prosecutor's bench. Recognizing it, Mario closed his eyes and turned. Sure enough, standing behind said bench was not Miles Edgeworth, but the tall, cold, stereotypical businessman, Andrew Ryan, current president of the smashers. Next to him, looming in shadow that shouldn't logically exist in the brightly lit chamber, was someone who seemed to be his assistant- but before Mario could take in this person's visage, his eyes were already racing to another nearby seat, where there was a robot with a notepad in hand- none other than the missing Faron brother, Rob.

"I... I'm sorry," Mario forced. "We didn't... we didn't know about... about the change..."

"Irrelevant," Andrew scoffed. "In other trials, this flagrant disregard for procedure would be grounds for an instant guilty verdict- as such, I move-"

"Calm yourself, Mr. Ryan," came a cool female voice from the Judge's seat- Mario glanced up to see who he could only guess was the 'Mia Fey' he'd been hearing so much about- she greatly resembled Maya Fey, a student from Hal at the Smash Mansion- they even wore a similar pendant around their necks. But where Maya wore odd clothing that caught the eye of anyone she passed by, Mia was dressed in the traditional Judge's robes.

"To begin with, this is most certainly not an ordinary trial," she continued. "The defendant has yet to come of age, for one. And considering the magnitude and... abruptness of these changes, the court is willing to overlook his tardiness." Mario couldn't be sure, but he thought he detected a note of suspicion in the elder Fey's voice- she clearly thought something was up with this sudden change- though such a conclusion was hardly difficult to come to in the first place. "That said, if the defendant could please take his seat at this time..."

Mario nodded and hurried over to the defendant's chair. He eyed the chains nervously- in the aforementioned flashback, they'd been quick to bind whoever took this seat- but this time, they did not stir.

"Alright, let's get this started," Mia banged her gavel. "All rise for the trial of Mario M. Mario vs. the State- overseen by Mia Fey, prosecuted by President Andrew Ryan and his assistant, Fassad Yokuba-"

"And to be defended by one Master Charles Hand," spoke a voice from the door- everyone spun around to see a tall man making his way in- Mario recognized him as the human form of the Master Hand, though dressed in clothing he'd never seen before- he'd taken the trouble of procuring a blue suit, complete with red tie, and styling his hair in a bizarre fashion- it was all gelled in spikes towards the back of his head- it was almost like a hedgehog had taken up residence there. The only bit of clothing he retained from his normal human form was the white glove that rested on his right hand.

The court began to mutter and mumble amongst themselves- even Mia looked surprised. Reactions were varied, from furious to simply annoyed, from nervous to flat-out terrified... but there were some who looked genuinely happy to see the Hand making his entrance. Once the shock wore off, Mia definitely fell into that last category- whereas, once a brief (exceedingly brief) bolt of shock had crossed Andrew Ryan's face, he reworked it into one of composure.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone," the Master Hand apologized as he crossed to the defense's bench. "I was trading some fashion tips with my brother, and lost track of the time."

"We're just thankful you received our message about the changes made to the trial," Mia shrugged warmly.

"Honestly, I didn't even realize such a message was sent," the Master Hand responded. "The truth is, Nick's clock is three hours fast- when I saw how 'late' I was, I rushed off to the offices without further adieu- and here I am."

"He really should get that fixed," Mia chuckled.

"So I keep telling him," the Master Hand nodded.

"I'm sure we're all very entertained," Ryan spoke up, "but I believe we have a trial to be attending to, so why don't we-"

"Of course, of course," Mia waved him off dismissively. "Very well- if you could give us an overview of the case, Mr. Ryan?"

"About time," Ryan scoffed. "The details of the case are as follows- that young Mr. Mario did knowingly- and fully aware of the legal ramifications of such actions- utilize a final smash in the town of Peach Creek, a primarily muggle-inhabited area, in the presence of a muggle. In addition to breaking our code of secrecy, this constitutes a clear violation of law regarding youthful smashers, who are not to use their powers outside of school until they have attained an age and level of education capable of handling such responsibility."

"I see," Mia nodded. "Anything to add, Mr. Hand?"

The Master Hand rose, along with Mario's heart- surely this was where the Hand was going to turn everything around-

"No objections at this time, your honor."

And there went his heart. Quickly, he brushed it aside- no matter, no matter, the Master Hand surely had something up his sleeve- he even actually had sleeves at the moment...

"So you admit to it?" Ryan asked, his eyes cold enough to pierce Mario's heart. "You admit to utilizing your powers in such a reckless fashion?"

Mario's voice caught in his throat. The Master Hand nodded. "We do, indeed, acknowledge that this event occurred."

"Wait," Mia spoke up. "The defendant is capable of utilizing a final smash?"

Mario blinked as he glanced up at her- she seemed genuinely intrigued. "Yeah, I learned how to do it a couple years back."

"Interesting," Mia mused. "And this is a full final smash- not some half-baked attack that's only slightly above average, that is, a true expression of the power within you?"

"I gues... if that's what you want to call it," Mario shrugged- he was starting to feel somewhat wrong-footed. "I summon a column of fire, and then there's an eagle that forms out of it- it's always worked that way, I don't know-"

"By which you imply that this isn't the first time you've done such a thing," Mia smiled. "Impressive, very impressive- I don't think even Nick managed a full final smash until-"

"OBJECTION!" came Andrew Ryan's cold voice. "This is irrelevant to the case at hand- if anything, it only makes the offense worse! In such an area, he risked causing serious damage to the secrecy that we dedicate our lives to upholding!"

Mario was getting more and more agitated as Ryan spoke, but the straw that absolutely destroyed the horse's back was when he saw Rob's crud-eating nod- the closest the robot could get to a crud-eating grin. "I only did it because of the floows!" Mario burst out.

He'd expected this to lead to more muttering among the gallery, to be quelled only by the banging of Mia's gavel, but if anything, the silence that arose at this statement was among the heaviest, most deafening silences he'd ever heard in his life. Finally, Mia was the next to speak. "Floows, you say? I don't suppose you'd care to... expound on that statement at all?"

"A fine idea indeed, your honor," the Master Hand inclined his head slightly. "The defense moves for Mario Mario to take the stand himself and testify, thus granting us his own perspective on the events of that night."

"Very well," Mia nodded. "Mario Mario, if you would take the stand..."

"Just tell it like it is, Mario," the Master Hand whispered as Mario approached the witness stand, gazing nervously around the myriad faces staring down at him.

"This should be good," Ryan scoffed.

Mario gave one last gulp, and began.

XXXX

WITNESS TESTIMONY

I was on the way home from a pizza joint- I was investigating it as part of a job request from... well, I've been doing some work this summer, let's leave it at that.

On the way home, I ran into my cousin- who is already fully aware of the smasher world, just throwing that out there- and we decided to take a shortcut home through a dark alley.

Halfway through, everything started getting dark and cold- he could feel it, too. It was like a great, black blanket had been thrown over the sky.

This wasn't my first run-in with floows, so I had a good idea of what was going on. When I saw them coming, there was really only one thing for me to do, wasn't there?

Yes, I know underage smashers aren't supposed to use their powers- least of all around muggles- but given that Bill already knows about smashers, and given that our souls were in danger, I think it was kind of justified.

"I see, I see," Mia nodded. "The law does, indeed, have provisions for smashers who are placed in dangerous situations..."

"I wouldn't jump to any conclusions yet, Ms. Fey," Ryan spoke up. "I have yet to cross-examine him, after all."

Mia sighed. "Very well- you may cross-examine the witness, Mr. Ryan."

XXXX

REBUTTAL

I was on the way home from a pizza joint- I was investigating it as part of a job request from... well, I've been doing some work this summer, let's leave it at that.

"HOLD IT!" Ryan bellowed, the words appearing in a jagged stamp. "The prosecution believes any activities the accused has been performing this summer may be vital to this case- why so quick to hide where you've been working, hmmm?"

"I just have a sneaking suspicion you wouldn't believe me," Mario shrugged. "If you absolutely insist on knowing, I guess I can tell you, but I really don't think it has anything to do with the case..."

Mia nodded her agreement. "It is not this court's place to judge where the defendant has been working during the summer- there is no law prohibiting it."

Mario gave a sigh of relief- ducked the bullet on that one. He quietly rubbed the image of a flaming wing imprinted just over his heart- if the government had such a hard time believing Tabuu was back, there was no telling how they'd react to his 'summer internship' as he liked to think of it...

On the way home, I ran into my cousin- who is already fully aware of the smasher world, just throwing that out there- and we decided to take a shortcut home through a dark alley.

Halfway through, everything started getting dark and cold- he could feel it, too. It was like a great, black blanket had been thrown over the sky.

"OBJECTION!" Ryan bellowed once more- though this time, a slight smile was crossing his face. "I see. Convenient, isn't it, that two floows happened to be in the area at that time?"

"I didn't think it was convenient," Mario shook his head. "And Bill sure as hell didn't, either."

"But it is convenient," Ryan shook his own head. "Muggles are incapable of sensing floows, as I'm sure everyone knows, and considering the lack of smashing blood within Peach Creek, you've woven a rather unfalsifiable alibi for yourself. So, if the defense has no witnesses of somewhat better repute, I move for a swift end to this-"

"OBJECTION!" came the Master Hand's voice, loud and clear, his finger out and pointing directly across the room. "It just so happens, Mr. Ryan, that the defense does have another witness to call, and while we could summon Bill Smith, I am certain that a subpoena to a smasher court is the last thing the boy needs right now- we will call on him only as a last resort. Instead, I have another source within Peach Creek who was present for the night's events."

Andrew Ryan shook his head. "Your honor, we are pressed for time- surely you see that any more testimony in this case is unnecessary..."

Mia shook her head. "As a keeper of law and order in the smasher world, Mr. Ryan, it is my duty to hear from any and all sources so that the best course of action is always the one taken. Mr. Hand, you may call your witness, so long as Mr. Ryan can offer no good reason why you should not."

Ryan floundered for a moment, then returned to his composure. "Very well, let us hear the best that the Hand can summon..."

"The court is glad to find you so cooperative," Mia noted dryly. "I call for a brief recess during which I expect Mr. Hand to prepare his wit-"

"With all due respect, Ms. Fey, the witness is already fully prepared and ready to testify," the Master Hand interrupted. "As Mr. Ryan has said, time is of the essence- the defense moves for an immediate testimony."

"Very well," Mia raised an eyebrow, looking somewhat taken aback. "Who is this witness?"

The Master Hand cleared his throat. "The defense calls... Leroy Jenkins to the stand!"

Mario cringed as a deafening voice made itself heard from the hallway- "Leeeeeeeerooooooyyyyyyyyyy... JEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNS!"

The door crashed open, revealing the man himself behind it, charging in like a bull. "I'm here to tell the whole story, exactly like it happened! I don't want no charades of justice going on in my country- when my comrades were dying face-down in the mud in 'Nam, they weren't fighting for-"

"That's quite enough, witness," Mia interrupted. "If you could simply state your name and occupation for the court..."

Mario winced again- Mia had no idea who she was dealing with. Sure enough... "I'm an ex-soldier who fought in all the great wars- I stormed Normandy along with all the allies at D-Day, I personally tore down the Berlin Wall, and half the guerrillas who died in 'Nam have me to thank- I'm LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOYYYYYY... JEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIINNNNNNNS!"

"The court will have to run a check on those claims," Mia muttered. "Now, the thing that confuses me is that the records show that no smashers live in Peach Creek except for the boy on trial now- Mario Mario. Unless you are Mario Mario demonstrating disguise capabilities worthy of Don Paolo himself, would you care to explain...?"

"It's true, it's true, I don't have an ounce of smasher blood in me," Jenkins admitted, "but I got all the heart I need, right here! Besides, my mommy and daddy were smashers- smashers as far back in my family tree as I know, I just happened to draw the short end of the genetic stick! Not that it matters, when I plunged right into all those wars and took down-"

"Yes, yes, we get the picture," Mia interrupted again. "However, this raises another question, at least in my mind- are scrubs actually capable of seeing floows?"

"We sure as hell are!" Jenkins nodded vehemently. "Daddy taught me from a young age how to deal with them- take out a machine gun, pump 'em full of lead until you're out, reload, do it again! More dakka, more dakka!"

"I believe I will be more familiar with this witness by the end of this trial than I ever wanted to be," Mia muttered, her face in her hand. "Nonetheless, if his testimony will lead us towards justice, so be it. If you could begin your testimony at this time..."

"'Course I can!" Jenkins bellowed. "It any surprise to you anymore?! There's no challenge I can't meet- I'm-"

"Leroy Jenkins, yes, we get it," Mia sighed.

XXXX

WITNESS TESTIMONY

I was on my way home from the army munitions store when I got sidetracked by some 'Give Peace a Chance' rally goin' on at the tail end o' Peach Creek! I couldn't let that pass- I had to tell 'em all about what it was really like back in 'Nam!

Eventually, we were all sitting around, watchin' Forrest Gump together, when I realized I was runnin' late- I had nothing to be doing back at home- and you never put nothing off! I have no patience for people who keep me from doing nothing- I'm LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOYYYYY... JEEEEENKIIIIIIIINNNNNNS!

So by the time I was on my way home, the sun was goin' down, and I decided I oughtta take a shortcut through a dark alley when I see a coupla floows comin' down on a coupla boys.

One of them hit the ground hard- reminded me of the war! The floows were comin' down on them, woulda got 'em, too, 'cept that boy over there, Mario- he summoned up this great big beam o' fire, sent 'em runnin' for the hills!

This kid's a hero, saved himself and his cousin from those critters, and you're sitting here, calling him a criminal?! That's a serious affront to justice, if my name isn't-

"OBJECTION!" came the customary cry- not from Ryan or the Master Hand this time around, but from Mia herself. "That's quite enough, witness- we've got the gist. So, Mr. Ryan, if you'd like to cross-examine the witness...

XXXX

REBUTTAL

So by the time I was on my way home, the sun was goin' down, and I decided I oughtta take a shortcut through a dark alley when I see a coupla floows comin' down on a coupla boys.

"HOLD IT!" came Ryan's burst. "What did they look like?"

"Well, there was this tub o' lard that looked like the Hindenburg swallowed the Titanic," Jenkins recalled, "and then there was the boy in red- he was backin' away at first, but-"

"Not the boys," Ryan responded coldly. "What did the floows look like?"

"Well, why weren't ya more specific from the beginning?" Jenkins asked scathingly. "They were like these big men made o' darkness- strips of darkness, almost like a mummy."

"Like... a... mummy," Ryan responded in an impressive deadpan, to some rather unkind laughs around the room. "You're absolutely certain you saw these things?"

"Dang sure- sure as I am Mario smacked one of 'em right in the lips!"

Another bolt of laughter around the room, and Mario cringed- floows didn't have lips...

"I see," Ryan shook his head. "You say Mario was backing away... which direction was he going?"

"Backwards," Jenkins scoffed. "Funnily enough, I think that boy always goes backwards when he's backin' away!"

Another ruffle of laughter around the room, but this time, the shoe was on the other foot- Ryan's cheeks turned the slightest shade of red as he realized what a dumb question that had been. "And... you say he hit the floows on the lips..." Clearly, he was struggling to turn things around again.

"Yeah, but I don't think he was aimin' for 'em, though," Jenkins acknowledged.

"Then what was he aiming for?"

"The other floow's lips," Jenkins demonstrated an interesting amount of snark for his usual personality.*

Ryan pursed his lips as he heard laughter coursing around the room once more. "Very well, you may continue with your testimony."

"HOLD IT!" Ryan again. "Just to assure ourselves that anything you say can be taken seriously, could you go into more detail about what, exactly, these floows did?"

"Well, I first started sensin' 'em a ways off," Jenkins recalled. "It started as this chill... then it got deep... I was frozen to my bones, and this feelin' came over me... I was starting to feel... depressed. Beyond just bein' sad... I felt like I'd never been happy before... never would be again... everything was just this horrible pit of despair... all these terrible things that've happened to me, they all came back at once... almost enough to knock a guy over..."

For a moment, Jenkins was staring at his kneecaps. Mario was taken aback- he'd known old man Jenkins for a good portion of his life, and this was the weakest he'd ever seen him.

Finally, he regained his composure. "When I got closer, I could see them headin' straight for Mario n' his cousin. One of 'em was just pullin' back the wrappin's over its face, goin' for that tub o' lard's soul. I think he'd have gotten it, if Mario hadn't intervened."

A long moment of silence hung over the courtroom. At long last, Ryan spoke up. "Very well- that concludes the prosecution's cross-examination. Mr. Jenkins, you are free to go."

Jenkins crossed to the door and headed out- to where, Mario had no earthly idea.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm certainly convinced of Mario's innocence now," Ryan sneered derisively. "A paragon of believability, that witness was."

"Well, he certainly described the effects of a floow with remarkable accuracy for someone who supposedly can't sense them," Mia pointed out. "And, as probably the most impartial witness we could have summoned, I can't imagine him having any reason to lie about their presence..."

"The idea is simply ridiculous!" Ryan interrupted, slamming his hand into his desk with a look of anger on his face. "A pair of floows traveling to a muggle suburb is unlikely enough, but for that suburb to just happen to be the very town where a single smasher lives, and for them to then meet that one smasher... if this is all true, then I should go and buy a lottery ticket afterwards!"

"That is a fair point," Mia nodded. "Anything to add, Mr. Hand?"

"Oh, I believe Mr. Ryan is very much correct," the Master Hand nodded. "Something like that happening on accident would be exceedingly unlikely."

"You see, even he admits-" Ryan began, but then-

"Which is why," the Master Hand continued, "we must ask ourselves if there might not have been something higher behind this attack than the random actions of a pair of floows."

"Higher?" Ryan asked coldly. "I fail to see what you mean, Mr. Hand."

"Do you?" the Master Han d asked. "It seems fairly obvious to me, Mr. Ryan, that if the floows were not there by chance, then they were there by design- someone intended that they be there that night."

"And it somehow escaped government records?" Ryan retorted icily.

"It would necessarily have been outside of government records if it was not somebody from the government who ordered them there," the Master Hand pointed out.

A wave of ice seemed to pass over the room. Finally, Ryan spoke up. "If you truly intend to bring your fear-mongering into this court of law, Hand..."

"I intend to do nothing but unearth the truth- no matter how deep I must dig to do so," the Hand shook his head. "If my theory truly is groundless, then the only option left to us is that this was sanctioned by the government."

"Nwe... nwehehe... nwehehehehehe..." came a sudden laugh from across the room. Mario turned his attention, for the first time since the trial began, to Andrew Ryan's assistant- the one who'd been leaning back in darkness, but now stepped into the light.

How to describe him... hmmm... well, this will be difficult to do without offending somebody. He had a very... middle eastern look about him. Primarily, it was his clothes- the way he presented his white pants and shirt, covered by a red vest, adorned his head with probably the most stereotypical middle eastern hat he could find... he knew what he was doing. His overlarge nose had a very fine moustache protruding beneath it, and beneath that, his hand was raised to his face, feeding the mouth a banana.

"You always were a truly smashing comedian, Mr. Hand," he spoke in an oddly high, cackling voice.** "Your jokes never fail to elicit a 'Nwehehehe!' from me!"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Fassad," the Master Hand shrugged.

"That is Mr. Yokuba to you," Fassad shook his head with no real anger in his eyes- he still seemed amused. "Now, I enjoy a good joke as much as anyone else within government, but for the briefest moment, it sounded as though you were accusing our fair governmental body of ordering a hit on this boy!"

"I would never state any such thing," the Master Hand shook his head. "I was merely pointing out that, if there is no outside third party controlling these floows, then it would only logically follow that the government ordered them there. That, however, is the prosecution's theory- not my own. I believe that there is, indeed, a third party involved here- that a certain individual is swaying the floows' loyalties, slowly but steadily, away from the government and towards a certain... 'dark guild,' shall we say?"

Andrew Ryan slammed his hand into his desk. "He... is not... back!"

"Then I'm sure the government will not allow these strange actions by the floows to go uninvestigated," the Master Hand shrugged.

"You will not presume to tell us what to do with our own time and resources!"

"I am doing nothing of the kind- just stating my confidence in our governmental body not to allow an oversight of this magnitude to pass by without comment."

Ryan fumbled around for a second before slamming his hand on the desk again. "The behavior of the floows changes nothing! We are here to determine Mario's guilt in performing this final smash, something he has already confessed to!"

"With the caveatthat it was under circumstances in which he had no other choice- it was use his powers or lose his soul," the Master Hand pointed out. "In which case, the presence of floows- creatures well-known for being repelled only by final smashes- becomes highly relevant. If we acknowledge the floows were present, we must also acknowledge that Mario's actions were, in no way, contradictory to the law."

Ryan shook his head. "We have acknowledged no such thing!"

"We have heard from a witness describing such events, and you have done nothing to refute him," the Master Hand pointed out. "I can spy him up in the gallery- I'm sure he wouldn't object to testifying once more. If worse truly comes to worse, we can even summon Bill Smith here to describe the events in his own words."

Rage was building in Ryan's eyes. "And you would love that, wouldn't you? To drag this trial out as long as you could..."

"I will drag the trial out as long as necessary to prevent a truly heinous failure within our judicial system."

"Failure?" Ryan scoffed. "The only word we have that these floows exist is the word of a boy well-known for the tall tales he's constantly spinning. Does anybody else remember three years ago, when he used his powers on a particular cake to assault visitors to his household?"

"Actually, that was a yoshi," Mario spoke up for the first time in quite a while.

"The prosecution thanks the defendant for proving its point!" Ryan bellowed. "Why would a yoshi ever come to a muggle house?!"

"If you doubt Mario's story, there is a yoshi in the Smash Bros.'s employ whose story I believe you will find highly interesting," the Master Hand interjected. "It would take only a few simple words to summon him and convince him to testify- we wouldn't even have to call a recess."

"We have no time to listen to the testimony of horse... dragon...dinosaur... things!" Ryan roared. "Besides, he has a laundry list of such offenses- only two years ago, he blew up his aunt!"

"And the president of that time was kind enough to clear him of all charges, acknowledging that even adult smashers can sometimes lose control of their emotions," the Master Hand recalled. "Double jeopardy applies here- Mario has already been cleared of that crime, it can no longer be used against him."

"And what about all the things he does at school?!"

"The misdemeanors committed by students at the Smash Bros. School of Smashing are solely the business of the Smash Bros. School of Smashing," the Master Hand objected. "Unless in the case of serious criminal offenses, the government has no business interfering in school legislation- as I was forced to remind you after the ordeal. I am sure you only have the country's best interests in mind, Ryan, but the light of justice is blinding you to the very laws you seek to protect."

"Laws can be changed as necessary," Ryan responded coldly.

"As you've repeatedly demonstrated throughout this trial," the Master Hand nodded. "When did the goalposts shift so far as to hold a full, Ace-Attorney-style trial for a case of underage smashing?"

Another stirring around the hall, eventually broken by Mia's gavel. "Order in the court!" she called. "The way I see it, we have solidly reached the end of this trial- any further discussion seems as though it would merely continue leading us in circles. Unless either the prosecution or defense has anything further to add, we shall move to the verdict."

She gazed from Ryan's heaving, red face, to the Master Hand's cool, calm, collected one. "Which seems to be the case," she decided. "Now, I realize we have only recently adopted the Jurist System, and it could still use some fine-tuning, but I now turn to the gallery to pass judgement upon this boy. Those in favor of indictment?"

Mario cringed as he gazed around- until he noticed how few hands were actually going up. Ryan, obviously, and that Fassad person... Rob, to his anger... a hand here or there in the galleries... but they were vastly in the minority.

"And those in favor of clearing the accused of all charges?" Mia asked.

Up went the Master Hand, along with just about everybody else in the hall, including old man Jenkins himself, and a strange, long-legged hunching man with a moustache and dirty brown hair obscuring one eye.

Mia gazed around, and gave a slight smile. "Well, Mr. President, the people have spoken. The court finds the defendant, Mario M. Mario... NOT GUILTY!"

The words appeared in front of her, and confetti began to fall all around, being thrown by the same scruffy-looking detective Mario had noticed earlier. Ryan looked like he'd been forced to swallow a lemon, while the Master Hand allowed a smile to cross his face. "And Nick said I would never make it as a lawyer," he chuckled as, without another word, without even waiting for Mario to speak to him, he shifted back into his hand form, floated to the door, and was gone.

XXXX

*Major props to anyone who recognizes this line, and the paragraphs preceding it. Very obscure reference this time around.

**Just to be clear, I'm modeling Fassad's voice off of the voice given to him by Chuggaaconroy in his Let's Play of Mother 3.

And... complete! Another chapter I've been looking forward to for a while. I've also been kind of dreading trying to keep it all Ace-Attorney-esque, but when the time came to actually write it out, it came much easier than I'd expected. Honestly, the hardest part of this chapter wasn't the writing itself- it was getting myself into the proper mood- I'd been feeling less funny lately, but then I got back into Professor Layton (just got started on Azran Legacy, already loving it,) and it, along with Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney (which I was skeptical about at first, but has since become my favorite game in both franchises,) got me started on ideas for this chapter once more. Originally, Inspector Chelmey was going to make an appearance, but I couldn't think of a way to work it in without it being horribly forced even by this series's standards, so all he gets is a cameo at the very end. Sorry, Chelmey, but rest assured that you're still one of Scotland Yard's finest in my eyes.

Before we end things off, quick shout-out to my computer that keeps trying to italicize everything- this is, like, the thirtieth time I've had to correct that in these end-notes alone. More seriously, though, shout-out to FelineWithin and PKUnlimited, both of whom guessed in advance at Umbridge's true identity! Right from the beginning, it was clear to me who Umbridge would be if we got this far- seriously, Fassad almost is Umbridge, just in a different setting. There was never anybody else. And while we're on the topic of identities I'm excited to reveal, only two chapters until Ms. Lovegood appears- one of my favorite characters, a sentiment that a lot of people seem to share! I've already hinted that her replacement is someone I ship with Luigi- one of the few crossover ships I support- but since guessing based on that would require more knowledge of me, personally, I thought I'd give out a better hint- and by 'better hint', I mean, 'really annoying not-hint that you'd get in the more jerkish Professor Layton puzzles.' The hint is this- look to the skies.

But I've stretched these end-notes on long enough- it's one in the morning, I need to get some sleep. Hope to see you guys next chapter! Until then, please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!