Gamer4 in. Wow, it took the computer a long time to boot up- between that and the italics issues last chapter, I'm starting to get a little worried. Anyways, starting up on a certain trend of chapter titles you may notice throughout this story- it actually began back in Bottle of Lightning, but we'll go ahead and continue it here- it should be pretty easy to catch on to, especially since next chapter will follow the same pattern. Either way, let's get to it before this computer breaks down into scrap metal- more than it already is, that is.
Disclaimer: Carry on! You will always remember- carry on! Nothing equals the splendor! Now that your life's no longer empty, surely heaven waits for you!
Chapter IX
The Surprise of Link Faron
Mario had to stand there blinking for a few moments before it really clicked with him- It's over. Time to go. Slowly, he raised himself to his feet, gazing around, waiting for a signal that he was dismissed- but the only official there who didn't seem intent on ignoring him, (that is, Mia,) was too busy gathering up her papers to deliver any such signal. Slowly, he began making steps towards the door, operating under the assumption that they'd stop him if they still wanted him. One step... two steps... three...
He broke into a run and charged through the door, almost slamming into Rusl on the other side. "Sorry," he grunted, leaping back.
"Never mind that, never mind that, how did it go?" Rusl asked, a look of supreme nerves on his face.
"A very firm not guilty verdict," Mario couldn't help smiling.
A look of sheer relief graced Rusl's features. "Good, great, awesome, outstanding, amazing!"
Mario blinked- so that was where Link got it. Shrugging, he offered his usual rebuttal- "All I did was press A."
Rusl looked around the hallway as other doors opened up and people began to file out. "What the- where's Edgeworth? I had a question to ask him."
"They changed up the prosecutor on us," Mario explained. "Instead of Edgeworth, it was..."
"No," Rusl's eyes widened as they zoomed in on the individual leaving the chamber. "Not- Mr. Ryan?"
"Sure enough," Mario nodded.
Rusl shook his head. "Well... well. I've got to head out- something's just come up. Come on- I'll drop you off on the way."
Mario was finding it difficult not to skip as he followed Rusl down the hallway. It was setting in- Not Guilty, this whole incident was behind him now- he was going back.
Finally realizing how hungry he was, he couldn't help asking, "Mind if we get some Burger King on the way back? I'm starving."
Rusl chuckled. "You did skip out on breakfast- I suppose we can check in... on..."
His voice trailed off, the smile sliding off his face. Andrew Ryan had not made straight for the elevators- instead, he had stepped off to the side in the hallway, speaking to another smasher- a tall man with long, white hair, a well-made-up face, a red cape, white clothing with diamond-shaped holes patterned up and down the sides, and a rapier in a sheath at his side.
"Well, well, well," the man spoke as his eyes narrowed at Mario. "If it isn't Mr. Mario."
"Ghirahim," Mario responded coldly.
Ghirahim's eyes narrowed slightly. "That's 'Mr. Dragmire' to you."
"I'll give you your title when you've earned it," Mario shot back.
Mario was even less pleased to see the father of his arch-nemesis than he'd usually be, considering that the last time he'd seen this man, he'd been cheering Tabuu on as the Great Darkness repeatedly whipped him on the floor, causing him more physical pain than he'd ever felt before in his life... and to see that Ryan was still talking to him? To see that Ryan still considered him to be one of the top officials in the government, when Mario had reported to him only a month or so ago that this peacock was a starman?
Ghirahim's eyes narrowed to the point that they were almost closed. "I suppose I owe you a 'congratulations,'" he hissed. "Though I suppose Bowser will be disappointed at having to see you again."
"Considering that me being expelled is the only way he'd ever have a chance at the Smash-Up trophy, yeah, I'd imagine that, too," Mario nodded. "But you know me, grabbing trophies is something I'm good at..."
Ghirahim's eyes narrowed so much that his upper and lower lids crossed over each other and began making their ways past the rest of his face. He next turned his attention to Rusl. "And Rusl Faron. What are you doing down here?"
"Just escorting Mario to his trial," Rusl shrugged. "It does to have a guiding hand during witch hunts- I mean, times- like these."
"What are you doing down here?" Mario asked.
Ghirahim finally returned his eyelids to their normal positions. "Vital work for both the government and the people- not something a young boy like you would understand."
"This hallway has become infested," Ryan spoke in that cold voice of his. "Perhaps we should take things up to the trapezohedron office?"
"I believe that would be advisable," Ghirahim nodded, and the two of them turned and walked off.
"I'll have to tell someone else about this," Rusl noted worryingly as he continued leading Mario towards the elevators. "The sooner the Master Hand knows how close Ryan is to Ghirahim, the better."
"What business would they have together?"
"I assume you've heard that it's not what you know, it's who you know?"
"Yeah."
"Then what you really need to understand is that Ghirahim isn't a smasher- he's a spider. A spider sitting in the middle of the vast web of the government, and he knows how each and every thread dances."
"Deep," Mario blinked.
"I was watching a lot of Sherlock last night, I was waiting for a chance to use that line."
Eventually, they arrived back in the vast entrance hall. As they were passing the fountain, Mario couldn't help but turn towards it. "Hold up," he smiled. "I owe somebody an extra life."
He crossed to the fountain and looked up at it. It was hilarious, now that he actually took the time to examine it- why were the smashers they'd chosen to depict his first master and her boyfriend? Why were the goron and goomba looking upon smashers with such reverence? Gorons, he knew from bare experience, were vastly independent creatures who typically wanted nothing to do with smashers, and just about every major event in history between smashers and goombas had ended badly. The only being depicted there who really looked like they belonged was the yoshi, gazing up at the smashers with extreme devotion- though he had to chuckle at what Zelda would think of that.
It didn't take a moment of consideration before he took out his wallet and threw in, not the promised forty gold coins, but a whopping hundred of them.
XXXX
"Guess who's back (back!) Back again (-gain!) Mario's back- tell a friend! Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back!"
Such was the chanting going on from Kirby, Meta, and Peach later that day as Mario and Rusl returned to 774, Silent Hill. They were dancing around the kitchen as they sang their joy at Mario's verdict. As they were doing this, Link and Zelda turned towards Mario himself. "Should've called this one, huh? When have you ever actually gotten punished for something?"
"Well, there was that incident with Steve..." Mario recalled.
"Ah, details, details," Link waved aside.
"It was pretty much inevitable," Zelda observed. "Given the evidence, it would have taken a real kangaroo court to find you anything but innocent."
"You guys all seem pretty relieved, considering how much of a foregone conclusion it was," Mario smirked.
Link and Zelda would have rebutted, but that was the moment that Kirby, Peach, and Meta raised their voices even higher- "This looks like a job for him, so everybody follow him, we need a little more controversy- it felt so empty without him!"
"Glad to see they're not worrying too much about the rhyming," Mario noted.
"Calm down, people, calm down," Uli raised her voice as she entered. "Now, what were you saying, Rusl?"
"Ghirahim- he was at the offices."
"Ghirahim?" Roy asked sharply. "What was he doing there?"
"Two blond-haired princesses go 'round the outside, 'round the outside, 'round the outside! Two blond-haired princesses go 'round the outside, 'round the outside, 'round the outside!"
"Tone it down!" Rusl repeated his wife's sentiments. "He was talking to Ryan, then they went up to the trapezohedron office together. The Master Hand needs to know ASAP."
"Of course," Roy nodded. "I'll let him know next time he passes through."
"Uli," Rusl turned to his wife. "Did anyone volunteer to fill in for Krystal tonight?"
"Bayonetta's taking care of it, don't worry," Uli assured him.
"Good," Rusl nodded. "Well, I should be back in a few hours. Gordon might be coming by later on, just to let you know."
"This looks like a job for him, so everybody follow him, we need a little more controversy, and it felt so empty without him!"
"Shut up!" Uli raised her voice a little further. "Alright, get over here, Mario, time for lunch- you didn't really have anything at breakfast."
"Nah, I'm good," Mario raised his hands. "We got Burger King on the way-"
"Mario M. Mario, you will eat it or you will wear it!" fire suddenly sparked in Uli's eyes. Slightly cowed, Mario nodded earnestly and got started on the spaghetti she'd prepared for him- his favorite food to celebrate getting off.
His nervousness of Uli aside, Mario was happier than he'd been for a couple months- sitting down with his friends, eating his favorite food, and no longer with the threat of the trial hanging over his head.
"I just have to say, if I'd known the Hand was gonna show up, I'd never have been afraid to begin with," Link noted, standing up, placing a hand on his hip, and throwing a glass of milk down his throat. "That guy always knows what to do."
Mario's smile faltered slightly. "Yeah... yeah, he salvaged the whole thing." There was something gnawing at his mind- aside from a brief sentence of instruction as he took the witness stand, the Master Hand hadn't bothered speaking to him- to a certain extent, he almost might as well have not been present for the trial. He shook his head- the Hand was busy this summer, he surely had other things he had to be doing...
Before he could delve into this line of thinking any further, Peach and the twins' singing reached a peak- "THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR HIM, SO EVERYBODY FOLLOW HIM, SO EVERYBODY FOLLOW HIM, WE NEED A LITTLE MORE CONTROVERSY, AND IT FELT SO EMPTY WITHOUT HIM!"
Uli snapped. "SHUT UP, OR WAVE EXISTENCE AS MY WITNESS, I WILL SIC BAYONETTA ON YOU TONIGHT!"
XXXX
For the most part, the mood around the house for the next few days was brightened considerably... except in one person. On the first night of celebration, Roy had joined in with everyone else, eating cake, drinking Code Red, and, at one point, getting drunk off his butt and getting into a breakdancing contest with Bayonetta with results that had everyone else running for cover... but afterwards, a certain melancholy seemed to hang about him, trailing after him like a shadow.
In Mario's mind, in situations like this, one should turn to the one who probably knew what was going on-
"Hey, Zelda, is it just me or does Roy seem a bit... stand-off-ish, lately?"
"Yeah, I've noticed that, too," Zelda agreed. "I've been thinking about it a bit, and my conclusion is... he's being a bit selfish."
Mario blinked. "How'd you come to that conclusion?"
"I'm starting to think that he secretly wanted Mario to be expelled," Zelda explained her logic. "Then the two of them could both live here as outcasts together."
"Harsh," Link raised his eyebrows. "Don't you think you might be jumping to a conclusion or two?"
"Think what you will," Zelda shook her head. "But I think your mom's on to something- Roy sometimes gets confused about which Mario, exactly, he's dealing with."
"Roy's not insane," Mario raised his voice, a certain chill entering it. "At least, not any more than anybody else in the smasher world."
"I'm not saying 'insane,'" Zelda objected. "More... very, very lonely."
Before they could speak to each other any further, Uli looked in- they were in the midst of trashing the majority of the artifacts in the attic. "Good progress, good progress- keep at it, I'll send the twins up to help..."
"Oh, come on!" Link objected. "If we've made such good progress, don't we deserve a break? We've been working hard up here, and I just found out that they're making an Ace Attorney anime-"*
"You were so eager to help Philanthropy," Uli pointed out, arms crossed. "Be careful what you wish for- you might just get it."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what we meant," Link scoffed- as soon as he was certain his mother was out of earshot. "Working us like freaking yoshis up here..."
"Well, maybe now that you're feeling closer to our scaly brethren," Zelda perked up, "you'll become a more active member of SOYLENT!" A light entered her eyes. "Say, that's not a bad idea... we get back to the Smash Mansion, and host a sponsored cleanup of the mansion- take the load of the yoshis for a bit, raise some funds, raise some awareness..."
"And if you think anybody's going to pay to clean the Mansion, you're more off your head than when you were coming up with the name SOYLENT," Link crossed his arms. Zelda scowled.
As time wore on, Mario found himself looking forward more and more to his return to the Smash Mansion- while he always did, he felt that this year's return would be particularly sweet, especially after his brush with expulsion. On top of that... as much as it pained him to say it... he... wasn't enjoying his time at Silent Hill. It was cramped, dusty, everything smelled of mold, Bana was the first creature he'd encountered more annoying than Mido, the Smash Mansion's caretaker, and they could never leave to explore the town, lest they compromise their security.
It was as Link and Zelda had said- living at Philanthropy's headquarters did not mean, in any way, that they were actually any more informed of events- most of their time was spent cleaning the place, desperately trying to catch snippets of information from the people who came in and out- but after the first night, they were careful to keep their precious information away from the kid's ears. Roy attempted to drop hints, but the more he did it, the more attuned to it Uli grew, until he could hardly open his mouth without her bursting through the nearest door, death glare in place.
One afternoon, Mario was leaning back in his bed after a particularly rigorous cleaning of the upstairs bathroom, a conflict that still lives on in smashing legend, tossing a ball he'd found up in the air, catching it, tossing it up, catching it...
"Hey, Mario," came Link's voice as the door opened. Mario fumbled with the ball, which abruptly grew teeth and sank them into his hand.
"SON OF A MOTHERFLIPPING ZORGEDARGADINGDONG!" Mario yelped, wrestling to get the ball off his hand.
"Crap," Link muttered, rushing to his friends aid, wrapping his arms around him and struggling to get the ball's teeth out.
Kirby and Meta sauntered in behind him, only to stare at the scene they were witnessing.
"Ah, get it out, get it out, get it out!" Mario was crying.
"I'm trying, but it's really in there!" Link grunted, pulling at the ball with all his might.
"Well, we can't say we're totally shocked," the puffballs smirked.
Finally, Link managed to wrench the ball away from Mario's hand and forcefully toss it out the window. Ignoring the indignant yowling of a cat who seemed to pass by, he turned to face the twins. "Oh, you're here."
"And wishing we weren't," Kirby smirked.
"What was all that about?" Meta added, mischief in his eyes.
"You don't want to know," Mario grumbled. "Now, what were you saying, Link?"
"Letters from school," Link explained, handing one to him. "What books we got on the roster this year?"
Mario opened the envelope, heedless of the blood flowing from his hand, and read out, "Super Smash Bros. Brawl Instruction Book, part 2, by Anolis Anomore, and Protection from the Evils- a Non-Problematic Approach, by Anita Sarkeesian."
"Yeah, that's what we were here to talk about," the twins put in.
"Who exactly assigned this Sarkeesian-woman's book?" Kirby wondered.
"Because clearly, if someone's assigned it, the Hand's found a new Protection from the Evils teacher," Meta agreed.
"Is that really such a surprise?" Mario asked, taking off his glove to examine his damaged limb.
"Kinda, when you consider what happened to the last four," Kirby pointed out.
"Well, Dedede and Fox resigned," Mario pointed out.
"Yeah, but then you look at Tingle- he blasted out his own memories," Meta countered.
"Then Simon steps up to the plate, and spends the next nine months or so locked up in his own trunk," Kirby agreed. "Talk about 'I have no mouth and I must scream.'"
"Okay, I'm starting to see your point," Mario admitted. "Any input on this one, Link?" No answer. "Link?"
Everyone turned to see Link staring, wide-eyed, at the letter he'd just opened. "Well, that's not right," Kirby frowned. "Usually, it's getting Link to shut up that's the problem..."
Meta crossed the room to see what he was looking at- and gasped. "No- no flipping way!"
Link, everyone watching, turned the envelope over, allowing a badge to fall out of it into his hand.
"You're smegging me," Kirby gaped. "You have got to be smegging me? Who in their right mind would make Link a prefect?!"
"The same person who put Philanthropy's headquarters in Silent Hill?" Meta speculated.
"Well, yeah, but this is way above and beyond that!" Kirby shook his head. "Why make Link a prefect when Mario's standing right over there?"
"That is true," Meta agreed. "I know we don't really gamble anymore, after that whole gongshow with Ballyhoo, but if we did, I'm pretty sure our money would've been on Mario to land the spot!"
Mario's eyes were widening, but he didn't have the chance to say anything before Kirby sighed dramatically. "Oh, smeg, I am not looking forward to Mom finding out about this."
"Yeah, that's gonna be a nightmare," Meta grumbled. "Remember when Rob got the badge? She never let it go..."
Link seemed oblivious to his brother's taunts- he turned to look Mario in the eye, raising the badge up as though offering it to him. Mario accepted it, looking it over. Sure enough, this badge was identical, in every way, to the one he'd grown accustomed to seeing Rob flaunt over the past few years...
The door crashed open, revealing an extremely excited-looking Zelda. "Mario, did you get it? Did you get it, Mario?"
Before anyone could speak, her eyes traveled down to Mario's still-bleeding hand, currently holding the badge. She shrieked.
"Me too, Mario, me too!"
"Not me, not me, not me!" Mario explained rapid fire, tossing the badge back to Link, who, in his preoccupation, only barely caught it. "Link, not me!"
"Huh?" Zelda paused in her tracks, confused.
"Link's the prefect you're looking for- not me," Mario repeated.
"Link?" Zelda asked, jaw dropping. "Link is-"
"Don't worry, it threw us off, too," Kirby ruffled her hair.
Zelda pulled away from him. "I'm not that surprised," she objected. "I mean, Link's got plenty of good qualities... I mean, he's... he's..."
"Don't hurt yourself," Link scowled slightly, sounding a tad hurt himself.
"Peach says the booklists came," came another voice from the doorway- they turned to see Uli coming up the stairs. "I was about to head to Twisted Lane anyways- just throw me your lists, and I'll pick up your books while I'm there."
"You might want to get our beloved Linky-poo a new tunic, while you're there," Meta put in, his voice nothing short of scathing.
"A new tunic? Why?"
"Well, we thought his new badge might clash with his traditional green," Kirby explained.
"Badge? What badge?"
"The prefect badge he just got in the mail," the twins explained in unison.
"Prefect badge, that's nice, dear, very nice..."
*Click.*
It was like they could actually hear the light going on in her brain as she spun towards Link. "Wait, you mean to say..." Link held up the badge as confirmation, and Uli let out one of the highest-pitch squeals Mario had ever heard. "Prefect! I don't believe it! I don't believe it! No- no- Link, you're a prefect?! That's the whole family!"
"What about Kirb and I?" Meta scoffed indignantly. "What, we're just next-door neighbors or something?"
"And I guess Midna's just adopted," Kirby agreed.
"And Peach is just the madwoman in the attic," Mario couldn't help stepping in, still examining the blood seeping from his palm.
"Wait until Rusl hears- this is wonderful, Link, just wonderful! If we're lucky, you'll end up head boy- just like Linebeck! This- this is the greatest thing-"
"I hope someone picks up that phone," Meta muttered.
"Because we flipping called it," Kirby agreed.
"Mom... Mom... need to breath here, prefects still need to breath..." Link gasped, finally drawing Uli's attention to the strain she was putting on her son's air supply.
"Oh, right..." Uli nodded, backing off. "So, what'll it be?"
"What'll... what... be?" Link gasped, massaging his chest.
"Well, you didn't think we'd let you go without a reward for this, did you?" Uli grinned. "I mean, we got Rob an albatross, but you've already got Riki, so... what'll it be? I know you didn't really appreciate the fancy clothes we got you last year..."
"We already replaced them," Kirby muttered, shooting a glare at Mario- it had been at the pyromancer's insistence that they diverted a portion of their windfall towards replacing Link's awe-inspiringly-ridiculous fancy clothing.
"Mom..." Link said quietly, clearly trying to build himself up to something... "Could I... could I have a kart?"
Uli's smile vanished, replaced by a gnawing on her lower lip- karts could be notoriously expensive.
"Not anything top-of-the-line!" Link clarified, raising his hands. "Nothing like a Wild Wing, of course, or a Flame Runner- just a kart to call my own, you know?"
Very slightly, the smile returned to Uli's face. "That sounds like a great idea, Link. Of course I can do that for you."
"And while you're at it," Mario muttered, his attention fully focused on his red right hand, "I know I don't exactly deserve a reward, but I'd like something for my hand, if it's okay."
"Huh? Oh!" Uli gasped. "My mistake!" She rushed over, and a second later, Mario's hand was all bandaged up, and his glove repaired. "Okay, my shopping list is a little longer than I'd expected- I'll have to leave a tad early- but Link, a prefect! I have to tell Rusl..."
As her voice trailed off into the distance, Kirby and Meta turned to Link, their stubby arms crossed. "So, Link... you want us to kowtow to you, too?"
"Shut up," Link sighed.
"Or what- you'll give us detention?"
"He could, if you don't watch it," Zelda stepped to Link's defense, eyes narrowed at the twins.
Link sighed. "No point, Zelda."
Kirby put on a face of mock-fright. "Well, it looks like our days of sidestepping the rules are just about over, buddy."
"It's sad, but true," Meta pretended to sob. "With these two on the case, we're done for!"
They both donned a 'Snidely Whiplash' brand moustache, and ran off, chortling.
"Don't listen to them, Link, they're just jealous," Zelda scoffed, shutting the door behind them.
"You know, not everything you read in those self-help books necessarily holds true in every situation in real life," Link pointed out, hand rising to his chin. "I don't know what's up with them, but I doubt it's jealousy- it's not like they've ever been keen on stuff like this themselves. Then again," he added, a smile crossing his face, "I am getting a new kart, so that's something! Let's see, a nice kart, but not too expensive... you know, I've heard the Dragster isn't half bad, as karts go, and they've been around a while, so she might be able to find one at a bargain... yeah, sounds good, I think I'll run that one by Mom."
With that, he left the room and headed down the stairs.
Left behind with Zelda, Mario found, to his surprise, that he wasn't interested in talking to her about these recent developments. He'd have thought that he'd be glad to talk to his friends about this achievement, but somehow... the idea wasn't appealing to him at the moment.
"Mario?" Zelda asked.
"Huh?" Mario asked, turning to her. "Oh, right- congrats. Great job- really, you were made for it."
"Given the model Rob set, I'm not sure that's actually a complement," Zelda made a brave effort at injecting some humor into the conversation. Mario laughed, but it was a horribly false laugh that was more disturbing than anything. "Anyways," she continued uncomfortably, "do you mind if I borrow Parakarry? I want to send a letter to my parents- I'm sure they'll be proud."
"Yeah, yeah, that's... great idea, yeah," Mario spoke without really thinking. "I'm sure he'd like a job..."
Zelda nodded and headed out. Mario double-checked the bandage on his hand, then leaned back in his bed once more. Bereft of his ball, he resorted to simply staring at the ceiling, examining individual pieces of dirt.
Was it really any surprise, he wondered, that he'd forgotten that prefects were chosen in the fifth year? He had had quite a bit on his mind lately, between the floows, and Tabuu being back, and the trial... really, he hadn't been thinking about ordinary school stuff since the final trial of the Console Games.
"If I'd remembered... what would I have expected?" he wondered out loud.
Out of nowhere, a miniature version of himself, clad in white robes, wings, and a halo appeared. "Don't worry about it, Mario, Link's your friend. Maybe you wouldn't have expected this, but that doesn't really mean anything."
"Like crap!" spoke a harsher voice- on his other shoulder appeared a third version of himself with red skin, a tail, horns, and clutching a pitchfork. "You're better than that punk, and you know it! That green sissy is nowhere near qualified to be prefect- you know it, and I know it!"
"Well, maybe that is what you'd have expected," the angel confessed. "You probably would have expected the badge to come to you... but that doesn't make you a bad person!"
"Doesn't it?" the devil retorted. "Sounds like something Bowser Dragmire would say, to me!"
"Don't listen to him, Mario," the angel stood his ground. "You don't actually think you're better than Link!"
"He's a better kart driver," the devil countered.
"Okay, so Mario's a better kart driver," the angel admitted. "But Link's a better chess player, and academically speaking, they're pretty much in the same boat!"
"Playing the 'academics' card on us now, huh?" the devil smirked. "What about outside lessons? What about all those... 'extra curricular' activities Mario's always taking on?"
"Link and Zelda are with him for most of that!"
"But not all of it," the devil pointed out triumphantly. "Were they there in the fight against Mewtwo? Were they there to fight the giga koopa? Did they fight off an army of floows? Did they get through the Console Games and fight of Tabuu himself? Face it, Mario's done more than the two of them combined!"
"Okay, okay, I concede that," the angel looked down. "But maybe there are other attributes that make a prefect- maybe being thrown into all these situations isn't what the Hand is looking for!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the devil waved aside. "Listen up, big guy, I'll give you three good reasons why angel-face over there is full of bull. First off- well, just look at him! He's got that sissy stringy music thing!"
"First off, it's a harp," the angel demonstrated the snark of the boy whose shoulder he was standing on. "Second, I don't even have it with me right now."
"But you are wearing a dress," the devil smirked.
"Robe!"
"Reason number 2- look what I can do," the devil continued, doing a one-handed handstand right there on Mario's shoulder.
"The smeg does any of this have to do with anything?" Mario couldn't help asking.
"No, no, he's actually got a point," the angel conceded.
"Look, this has gone on long enough," Mario muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just... just get out of here, alright? I'll handle this on my own."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," the devil shrugged, as both he and the angel vanished in a puff of smoke.**
Mario rubbed his eyes- what was he even doing? Did he think Link had asked for that badge? No- of course he hadn't! The Master Hand chose Link, and whatever he thought about that, Link had no part in it. He was Link's best friend- was he really going to turn against him just because he'd beaten him at something for a change?
"To dance again!" came a jaunty voice from the hall. "I've been waiting all these years to- oh, hey, Mario!" That was Link coming in the door. "Just caught Mom- she agrees, the Dragster definitely looks like a good option!"
"Glad to hear it," Mario found himself giving a genuine smile. "Really. Nice job, man."
Link's smile wavered a bit. "I never thought it'd be me. I thought it would be you, for sure!"
"Nah, I'm too much of a trouble-maker," Mario shrugged. "You've got a right to be happy." Giving a more mischievous smile, he added, "Remember- with great power comes great responsibility."
"Like the responsibility to finish packing tonight?" Link suggested.
"Yeah, yeah, I'd say that's a big responsibility," Mario agreed, cringing as he remembered how much stuff he'd removed from his suitcase since he'd first arrived- and today was the last day to return it all, as the Great Fox left for the Smash Mansion tomorrow...
In fact, there was so much left to pack that they were only just finishing as Uli returned, new kart for Link in tow and carrying several bags of books for her kids, by blood and surrogate. She left the kart in the kitchen, and from that moment on, Link was pretty much glued to the seat, running his hands over it and purring like a kitten. It took the twins threatening to use their swords to detach him to finally get him upstairs to put the finishing touches on his suitcase.
A party was thrown that night, complete with cake, ice cream, booze, and a banner across the kitchen reading CONGRATULATIONS, LINK AND ZELDA!
"Rusl and Midna will both be here tonight," Uli beamed at Link. "They're both thrilled."
"I bet Midna is," Link nodded, cringing at the thought of what his older sister might say.
Roy, of course, was there from the start, and as the night went on, Gordon, Krystal, Fox, Li, Bayonetta, Simon, and several others filtered in, whether to congratulate the Smash Bros. newest prefects, or just to grab some cake while it was there. As Mario leaned back to chug down a Code Red, he heard Uli talking to Simon.
"Oh, Simon, glad to catch you. There's something in a cupboard up in the tapestry room. We're pretty sure it's a tane-tane, but we thought we should check with you, just to be on the safe side."
"I reckon I can do that for ya," Simon nodded, leaning back with a glass of whisky. "Yup, that's a tane-tane, alright. Lucky it's not a more dangerous demonic son of a b****... I can go take care of it, if you want."
"Nah, I can do it," Uli waved aside. "Shouldn't take more than five minutes."
As she left, Mario turned to his old not-teacher. "So, Simon, you can see tane-tanes without actually confronting them?"
"Yeah."
"So they can't read your mind and turn into your phobias?"
"This guy doesn't have any phobias, son," Simon shook his head. "Not after all the demonic sons of b****es I've seen..."
"But you can see them without them transforming?"
"Well, yeah, that much is true."
"So, what do they look like when they're alone?"
Simon thought for a moment. "A single eye floating over a giant pair of lips wearing black lipstick."
Mario blinked, and casually filed that information under 'to never think about again.'
Simon, meanwhile, turned his attention to the guests of honor. "I definitely gotta congratulate you two," he grunted. "Dangerous job, but I doubt the Hand would have picked you if he didn't think you were up to the task."
"I remember when I was a prefect," Li Kuugo spoke reminiscently. "The Master said I was one of his first choices."
"The Master Hand?" Mario asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, the head of my group- we just called him the Master," Li explained. "He was my mentor- taught me most of everything I know, passed on the title of 'Xin Shan Quan' master to me after dying in the war."
"What group were you in?"
"Sierra," Li shrugged. "What can I say, always a little on the ambitious side. At least I never hit Bayonetta's level..."
"Speaking of, you say people wouldn't be impressed with Bayonetta if they knew why she'd actually done time," Zelda recalled. "Why was that?"
"Simple," Li smirked. "She failed to defray upon our legislative, judicial, and executive bodies the funds with which to carry on with their governmental duties."
"Huh?" everybody listening gave a grunt of confusion.
"Tax evasion," Li elaborated.
Krystal chortled. "Well, glad to hear you have such fond memories of being a prefect- I never was one myself. Apparently, I lacked certain characteristics old Grossberg was looking for."
"Like what?" Link asked.
"Like the ability to go two weeks without earning a detention."
When she was done laughing, Zelda turned to Roy with a mischievous look on her face. "And I'm guessing you and Jake were at the top of Samus's list to become prefects?"
Roy splurted his Baja Blast all over the table, he was laughing so hard. "Oh, no, not us," he chuckled. "Louie didn't have the courage, Jake and I didn't have the moral fiber. No, if you're looking for a prefect among the Bombers, I turn you to Mr. Hyde over there."
"So you were a prefect?" Krystal asked of the passing vulpine.
"Yup," Fox nodded. "I'm guessing the Hand was hoping that a prefect in their midst would calm Jake and Roy down a bit. A quick glance at Roy today should tell you how well that turned out."
Mario felt a new heart rising up in him- so he wouldn't be disappointing his father by not being a prefect. Suddenly feeling better than he had before, he took another glass of Code Red and began downing it.
Meanwhile, Zelda was trying to rope some of Philanthropy into SOYLENT- starting with Fox. "I mean, really, it's not that different from how smashers treat werecreatures, is it? It's this freaking superiority complex that smashers seem to have-"
"Perhaps," Fox cut her off. "What... what did you say this organization is named again?"
"Oh- SOYLENT!"
"And... that stands for... what, exactly?"
"Saving Our Yoshis by Lending 'Em Net Tweezers!"
Fox blinked. "I see..." looking up, he leapt to his feet. "Oh, Roy, didn't you have that thing to show me?"
Meanwhile, Midna was talking to Gordon, her father, and her mother about the... 'close work' she was doing with Snake. "Took me home and introduced me to his family the other day," she was recalling. "Pretty nice bunch- at least, after his Dad tackled me to the ground. Said he thought I was a Combine. Imagine that- me, a Combine!"
"Well, if I tilt my head and squint a bit," Gordon shrugged.
"Maybe if you just trimmed your fangs a bit," Uli put in.
"Not trimming my fangs!" Midna instantly retorted, fingering said longer, sharper-than-average canines.
Gordon and Rusl chuckled, but eventually, Gordon turned towards Fox. "Fox, you're the one of us who seems to get the most face time with the Hand- I've got a question for you."
"What is it?"
"Not saying that Link doesn't deserve it, but don't you think it would have made more sense to make Mario a prefect?"
Mario froze; Fox shrugged. "You know him- he's got his reasons for everything. Though sometimes, the reason eludes me..."
"It's what I'd have done," Gordon threw his two cents in. "I mean, it would have shown the Hand's confident in him- something that's going to be very important this year, with that smear campaign the Tribune's running..."
Mario found himself lowering the Code Red he'd been about to drink- he suddenly wasn't all that thirsty.
"Something troubling you, boy?"
Mario jumped, turning to see Simon standing over him. "I guess you could say that..." he muttered.
Simon paused, seemingly thinking something over. Finally, he said, "Come with me, boy- I've got something to show you."
Mario shrugged, but followed him into a side room anyways. Simon reached into a bag he had slung over his side and produced a small photograph. Mario glanced at the contents, only to recoil. "Geez, Simon, you're entitled to have whatever you want in your bags, but you don't have to-"
"Huh?" Simon grunted, glancing at the photo himself. "Oh. Sorry 'bout that- wrong picture." He threw it back in his bag, rummaged around, and produced a second picture, double-checking it this time before presenting it. "This is what I wanted to show you- the original founders of Philanthropy."
Mario examined it closely- there was a little crowd of people standing in what appeared to be the Smash Mansion's foyer, all smiling and waving at the camera. He spotted Simon right away- he was as battered and beaten as ever, though he retained both eyes. To his right, he spied the Master Hand, and Toad... "Who's that woman?"
"Misty Fey," Simon explained. "Mother of Mia Fey, the judge who tried your case. She died two weeks after this was taken, along with her mother and her sister. Her daughters got away, though, and the way I hear it, Mia basically raised her sister since. As for those two standing behind her... that's Kahn and Karen Luigi."
Mario cringed as he looked at the faces of the two apparent martial artists smiling at the camera- he'd never met them, but he knew their faces well- they bore the features he'd come to associate with one of his greatest friends at the Smash Mansion, Luigi Luigi...
"You ask me, they got the worst deal out of all of us," Simon growled. "Even death would have been better than... well, no need to tell you that."
True, Mario thought, but not for the reasons Simon had in mind.
"There's Bayonetta," Simon continued. "Older than she looks, huh? Louie Garfield, I'm sure you've heard his story... Mumkhar got him just after Tabuu fell... There's the Master Li Kuugo was talking about, took Tabuu himself to take him down, along with two of his other students, Yuan Jou and Sammo Hakka... Talon, looking much younger than he does nowadays... my granddaddy, Trevor Belmont, just disappeared, we never found out what happened to him... the Crazy Hand, of course, he'd never sit out on anything the Master Hand was doing... Giygas..."
"Wait, that's Giygas?" Mario gasped, comparing in his head the insane, twisted red spirit that typically hung out around Telma's Bar to the almost Mewtwo-like creature glaring severely at the camera.
"Yeah... Tabuu did something to him, we never quite found out what," Simon explained. "Now, who else we got? Ah... Gregory Edgeworth... took five starmen to bring that guy to his knees, he was tough as nails. And there's Phoenix Wright, the Master Hand's brother- couldn't tell you much about him, only met him once. All I know for sure is that he's still alive- no idea where he got to, though... Roy, of course, back when he had a good relationship with his barber... and... there! That's what I really wanted to show you."
Mario's heart leapt as he saw the unmistakable visage of his parents- Jake and Sarah Mario. Jake, tall with untidy black hair, a white shirt and black pants... his mother, dressed in a suit red enough to match her fiery hair, with crystal blue eyes she'd passed on to her son...
Mario gulped as he struggled to speak- his throat had become unexpectedly dry. Finally, he got out, "Well, glad you... glad you showed this to me, but I've gotta run- I've still got to... got to..."
"Hey, what's that you've got there, Simon?" came another voice, drawing their attention to Roy coming over. Mario seized the opportunity to get as far away from that room as he could.
Mario was deeply disturbed by what he'd just seen. He always found it difficult to look at images of people who had hardships ahead of them- seeing them smiling on, unaware of the hell about to be unleashed... his parents, killed just after they'd had him... Louie Garfield, destroyed so thoroughly only a single finger survived... Gregory Edgeworth, dying like a hero... Li's Master, struggling to fight off Tabuu himself, but doomed to die along with two of his most beloved students...
Realizing that he was no longer in the mood to party, Mario decided to head back upstairs to double-check on his suitcase- after all, it seemed like no matter how much preparation he did, there was always room-full of items he'd forgotten to pack once the time to leave actually arrived. He was heading up past the tapestry room when he heard a sobbing noise within.
Doubling back, Mario opened the door- and felt his insides disappear.
Uli Faron had collapsed to the ground, sobbing. The cause was obvious- a few feet away from her, lying dead on the ground, was Link.
Mario almost fell to the ground- Link, dead... no, it was impossible...
No, really, it is impossible, came a voice inside his head. Link's still downstairs, remember?
Which meant that this Link...
His suspicions were confirmed as Uli pointed at the body and attempted to choke something out- but nothing resembling words was forthcoming.
The tane-tane, instead of doing as it should have and turning into something funny, transformed into a dead Midna. Uli's sobs doubled in strength. She tried to say something again, with the sole result of turning Midna's dead body into Rusl... into the twins... into Rob... into Mario...
"Mrs. Faron!" Mario called out to her. "I'm not dead, I'm right over here!"
"Mario, what's-" came Fox's voice, only for him to end his sentence prematurely as he saw, quite clearly, what was going on. He leapt forward, causing the tane-tane to take the form of a floating full moon. "Why not go on a diet, you're really ballooning!" he yelled, and the moon became a rapidly-deflating balloon that soared backwards around the room, prompting a forced laugh from Roy as he entered, causing the tane-tane to simply explode in midair.
Fox rushed to Uli's side, while Roy made sure Mario was alright. "It's okay, Uli... it's alright... everything's going to be okay... it was just a tane-tane... just a stupid little tane-tane..."
"It's not just the tane-tane!" Uli sobbed. "I see them all the time- in my dreams..."
The others allowed her a few moments to calm down. Finally, she began to stifle her sobs. "Don't... don't tell Rusl... no telling what he'd think..."
"He wouldn't think any less of you," Fox assured her.
"I... I'm worried for them," Uli admitted. "All the Farons... are tied so closely to Philanthropy... Rob's left... what happens if Rusl or I die? What would happen-"
"This isn't like last time," Fox pointed out. "Last time, the Great Darkness had all his pieces in place before we'd even realized a game was being played. This time, we know what we're up against, we're already prepared, and we're not horribly outnumbered the way we were before..."
"Don't worry, Rob's bound to come around soon," Roy put in. "The Great Darkness will be coming out soon, he can't stay in the shadows forever. When that happens, you can bet the government will come running to us for forgiveness. They'd best hope Bayonetta and I are feeling merciful that day," he added, attempting to bring some humor into the situation. Uli gave a small chuckle, but not much more than that.
"And don't worry about your children," Fox agreed. "We've all got your back- what did you think we'd do? Just kick them out onto the streets of Fourside?"
Uli gave another smile that still seemed remarkably sad.
The incident hung heavily over Mario's head as he went to his room that night. He doubted anyone in Philanthropy would think less of Uli for her worries... least of all himself. It had taken a while for it to really sink in, but that scene with Uli really drove the point home- they were at war, a war that not everybody would necessarily walk away from alive.
And to think that only a few hours ago, his biggest worry was not being chosen as a prefect.
XXXX
*I actually found out about this only a few lines before typing that out- yup, there's an Ace Attorney anime going on! They're just getting into Turnabout Samurai as of this writing, but as an avid fan of the series, I can assure you I'll be following this series as it progresses!
** Betcha you can't guess what my favorite Disney film is.
Pretty dark ending to this chapter, I know. I'd say something more solemn down here except... one chapter until Luna comes in, guys! I've been looking forward to this ever since I finally decided who she'd be! Yeah, truth be told, it took a while for me to find a good match for everyone's favorite cloudcuckoolander. It was at the tail end of Dungeon of Secrets that I finally played the game she's from, and it took a few months after that for me to decide that yes, she's the one I want as Luna. But since then, I've been avidly looking forward to introducing her- hopefully, you guys will agree that she's a good fit! Getting all the mysterious stuff out of the way, since you'll already know who she is by the time you're reading the next chapter's opening notes- her name will be in the chapter title. Considering how excited I am, and the nice, medium-length chapter that it will probably be, it should be up later this week- hope you guys are looking forward to it as much as I am! Until then, please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!