The next few days passed in slow blur for Yami.

They had booked a flight out for their vacation according to Seto's work schedule, and that was two weeks from now, so he had an entire week to do…essentially nothing.

Really, truly, nothing.

Yami found that he would wake up and lay in bed until 5PM sometimes, watching the sun dip down and disappear out the window before he even found the motivation to get up. As a result, Isono was accommodating and served him his meals in bed and gave him privacy accordingly.

In fact, everyone did.

Even Mokuba, strangely enough, and Yami had a sneaking suspicion Seto had a talk with his younger brother.

Since his police phone had 'died', Yami also hadn't seen Anzu or Joey in a week, when he was accustomed to seeing them twice. Everyone was leaving him alone, making him feel oddly like a bomb being handled delicately.

It made him think… maybe he ought to take Seto's offer about talking to a counselor.

Just to see what it was like.

He always thought he'd die on a job, and well, somehow, he was alive right now.

The upstairs library had been renovated, the roof repaired, and gym equipment moved in. Seto was extremely happy about it, and the results were showing on his body, making Yami's heart jump anytime he saw a new ripple of muscle building in the CEO's back, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to go up there and lift a few weights.

Night walks in the garden and light swims was all he could manage right now.

Seto had playfully texted him a few times over the course of a few afternoons, asking how 'healing' was going, and Yami wasn't sure if that's what was happening.

So at the end of the week, Yami tested the waters by first asking Isono, who he thought would have the most opinions about it, but the manservant always answered with something he wanted to hear, even repeating what Seto had said to him.

"If you think it will help, it won't hurt to try," the manservant said.

That prompted Yami to casually ask Mokuba in passing, and the child stared at him for a solid three seconds before shrugging and saying, "dunno. Seto made me do therapy. It was boring. Seto said exercising helps. But that's him and you don't see me lifting weights to get buff."

Helpful. As expected from a 13-year-old.

So Yami texted Seto and tried to forget about it while he stuck his legs in the pool, hearing his phone buzz instantaneously with a reply.

"You did consider it. Cool. I can have someone arrive in 1 hour. Y/N? Love you."

Aw, Yami gushed, and he felt better about it instantly. Somehow, he always felt more dread bringing it up, but Seto always reacted correctly, making him feel loved.

"I can be ready in one hour. Love you too."

"Good," came Seto's reply. "Got a meeting at 4 but I'm coming home early after that. Thought about you all day. Horny."

He's sweet, Yami thought affectionately as he replied with, "we'll fix that. See you soon [kisses]"

Tucking his phone away, Yami got up to take a shower, wondering if Anzu and Joey were doing fine this week. He had to admit he was fond of their company.

Seto stepped out of the meeting and pulled out his phone, eager to see updates from Yami, but to his annoyance, it was 4 missed calls and a voice message from the psychiatrist.

He locked himself in his office to safely listen to them, dreading what he would hear.

The tone beeped softly and a woman's voice drifted through the receiver, sounding serious and slightly panicked, "Mr. Kaiba, pleasure. This is Dr. Hawkins about the patient you wanted me to meet, and…well, I would like to speak about it further without dumping it into a voicemail. Please call me back. This is urgent. Thank you."

Fuck.

Lowering the phone, Seto texted Yami and asked gently, "how'd it go? Did you like her or do we need to find another dr?"

And received no answer after three minutes. Okay…..

Hopefully he would not return to a bloodbath at the mansion?!

So he dialed the doctor back with supreme hesitation, hating how he felt jittery.

The woman answered swiftly, "Dr. Hawkin's office. This is my direct line, who am I speaking with?"

"Seto…. Kaiba," Seto supplemented his last name like an idiot and felt like kicking himself.

"Oh, Mr. Kaiba. Thank goodness," the woman sounded strained, and Seto could hear paper rustling across her desk, followed by fast typing. "I… am… concerned, to say the least. Where do I start? Of course, everything between us is confidential, so may I ask the nature of your relationship with the man I just had an hour-long conversation with?"

Seto paused and felt his phone buzz, so he lowered it and saw Yami's reply.

"Nice lady. Her grandfather is an excavator. How fun?!"

Well, good to know.

"Mr. Kaiba?"

"I'm here," Seto said instantly, trying not to feel put on the spot to say he was gay. "I'm-we're in love. He's my—we're dating." Or married. It was blurry.

"I …see," the doctor typed it down, and Seto could hear it, hating how he was also included in the therapy session now. Goddammit.

There was a silence and Seto clenched his fists in anxious anticipation for the news while the doctor shuffled around, sounding like she was preparing for a long speech. Oh boy.

"If I can just read from my notes for you here, I'm just going to get into it," she said seriously, her tone changing. "He has given me permission to share it with you, even after I told him it should and can remain private, so glad to know you are like…family."

Seto nodded and didn't speak. Sure. Yes… So what was it?

"He has—from my light initial diagnosis—severe, complex PTSD, with mild dissociative identity disorder, coupled with symptoms pointing to extreme signs of an antisocial personality disorder."

"I'm going to interrupt and just say…stop saying the word disorder," Seto offered, trying to wrap his head around the names. "I've had a long day. Tell it to me like I'm Mokuba."

The doctor paused and replied politely, "he is a…narcissistic …sociopath with violent tendencies."

So, we're compatible, Seto thought darkly with a smile.

The doctor wasn't done.

"He possibly needed intervention sooner, but I'm amazed he got this far in life without being targeted by law enforcement. I almost want to suggest placing him in a facility, but no guarantees that he won't just…break out. He's extremely intelligent and I need to watch every single word I say around him."

"No facilities," Seto said instantly, his stomach curling. "I hope you didn't say that to him."

"I …did not," the doctor replied tactfully. "Had a feeling it would not be taken well, because his expressions are, thankfully, easy to read, because he displays them openly. But if he were to choose to stop expressing openly, it would be hard to read him at all, making him a high-priority case for anyone, not just me, Mr. Kaiba."

That's Robot Yami, Seto thought with a solemn nod.

"So what can you do for him now?" Seto asked, wondering if it was hopeless. It sure felt like it.

"That is entirely up to him, and I suggest you both have this conversation, hence the reason for my call," the doctor said delicately. "I want to express one statement he said to me, and it was, 'I am an unfeeling monster.' There's deep levels of self-loathing and muted feelings."

Seto swallowed thinly and his blood ran cold.

I-Is that what Yami thought about himself?

Scary.

The doctor was still talking.

"I almost want to say… keep him away from Mokuba as he could go on a rampage anytime with his bare hands, really," and Seto felt a dark pang, so he gripped the phone harder, listening intently.

"If I can be frank, I wouldn't feel safe taking this client in my office," the doctor continued. "If I did, my hand would be on the panic button underneath my desk. That is the feeling he gives me. If I say one thing wrong, he'd kill me without hesitation because I'm not 'useful' to him. That being said, I won't drop him as a client if he agrees to the sessions on my terms, with your security present."

She's…terrified of him! Seto reeled. Yami fucking said, 'nice lady' but sure sounded like she was the one being tortured!

"Was he rude?" Seto couldn't see that happening but was compelled to ask.

"No, quite the opposite," the doctor replied smoothly. "And he recalled some traumas easily with a small smile, which was extremely troubling. Lines are blurred for him and I'm not sure which ones. We only had an hour, and I hope I'm not being too informal by demanding we hold the sessions away from my office."

"I'll talk to him…" Seto said quietly, feeling like something was crushing his heart. "He's really sweet, deep down. He would never hurt Mokuba. He goes out of his way to be kind and be a good influence."

"That just means he's hyperaware," the doctor replied gravely, and Seto felt another hot pang sear through his chest.

He hated therapy doctors for this reason.

"We can talk about how to walk through an episode when he experiences it, but again, it's all dependent on his receptiveness," the doctor said, sounding like she wanted to hang up. "Good talk, Mr. Kaiba."

"Thanks," Seto said faintly, and the line clicked off in his ear.

He lowered his phone and saw another text from Yami that he'd missed.

"She didn't tell me anything new about myself at the end. We merely talked like friends. I can see why you think it didn't help you at all. See you at home!"

Biting back a tired sigh, Seto tucked his phone away and stood up to collect his laptop, eager to get home to relax. He'd talk to Yami about frightening the doctor.

He had to have this talk with Mokuba too.

So yeah, this wasn't new.

Yami was sitting on a lounge outside on the balcony reading a book when Seto approached him and knocked on the glass divide on the other side from inside his room.

Lifting his head up to nod, Yami got up and walked into the master bedroom, setting his book down and giving Seto a smile, gravitating towards him to give him a hug, that was briefly returned, but Seto stiffened oddly, giving him the impression that something might be wrong.

"How was work?" Yami asked cautiously, searching the CEO's face for signs of anger. "Last meeting run long? Someone was annoying."

"Yeah I had a fun phone call," Seto answered stiffly as he sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the dark TV screen mounted on their dark blue accent wall. A half-drunk iced tea was on the glass coffee table, followed by Yami's phone right beside it.

"Well I had a nice talk with that doctor you sent over," Yami offered, wondering if Seto got the doctor's report. "I learned something."

"Oh yeah?" Seto couldn't meet Yami's eye, so he glanced down at his clasped hands instead. "What?"

"That there is a difference between night terrors and night…mares," Yami replied calmly with a shrug. "Apparently I might experience both."

Me fucking too, Seto answered privately, but he waited for Yami to continue.

There was silence.

"She had a lot of medical names for the…events that have shaped me into who I am," Yami said finally. He sank into a sitting position beside Seto on the edge of the bed and also stared straight ahead at the dark TV screen, seeing their reflections on the dark surface.

"Me too," Seto replied. He didn't have much to add.

There was another silence.

"So do you want to continue talking with her?" Seto asked carefully. "Only if you want. Really. Don't force yourself because…she called me to tell me how terrifying you were."

"Really?" Yami raised his brow in amusement. "Why? I thought we got along fine!"

"Maybe it was your word choice about being an… 'unfeeling monster'," Seto suggested with a shrug. "My sessions with my therapist ended when they stopped feeling helpful. I live with it, as you've seen. Nothing really cures what we have, maybe except willpower. And self-discipline."

"….Yes," Yami said slowly, nodding, thinking the CEO's ability to manage his reactions was something he admired. "You could say I'm a little behind. I'll continue talking with her until I also feel it's unhelpful. If it'll give me even a little peace of mind."

"It might give her more peace of mind," Seto said with a light laugh. "She wondered why you're not being hunted by police."

Yami cracked a smile and leaned his shoulder against Seto's arm.

"Did she also say you have 'intrusive thoughts'?" Yami prodded, and the CEO gave him a hollow look that suddenly made it look like he'd aged 10 years.

"Yep." Seto blinked and kept his gaze fixed on his hands. "They've let up since I've met you, so I'm not completely hopeless. I've learned to separate them with her help. I think."

"Ah …. yes, I've stopped imagining trails of blood leading up to me finding everyone in this house dead," Yami said conversationally, and Seto almost choked on his spit mid-swallow.

O-Okay. Yikes.

"She also asked me to recall the earliest age where I experienced something horrible for the first time," Yami kept talking and Seto almost wished he could turn off his ears. Yeah, this was why they fucked it out instead of talking.

"I'll stop," Yami said apologetically, aware that Seto was tensing and relaxing oddly.

"No, go ahead. This is very sexy," Seto replied sarcastically, and Yami gave him a wide grin.

"I just gave her a ballpark age, 9 or 10," Yami said quietly, more curious about Seto's answer, because he kept dropping horrible news and nothing seemed to surprise the CEO, and that was disturbing him. "Can we compare? When was yours?"

"9 or 10. Probably right as I turned 10," Seto answered, and Yami looked even more interested, and that made him sweat. Jeez. He wanted to have a nice after-work fuck. Not an extended therapy session, but… if that's what Yami needed, he'd indulge him.

"Okay, who did you kill?" Yami prodded, now excited to discover he did have extreme similarities to the CEO. "I didn't read this in your file."

"Because it's erased. It's not in any fucking file for anyone to find," Seto replied flatly, and he expected to feel a hot pang that associated with talking about his past, but somehow…seeing Yami's enthusiasm helped curb his own fears about confronting it verbally. "I erased it myself."

"Oh, of course," Yami waved a hand over his nose. "As one would. Was it someone important?"

Seto felt his eyelid twitch and wondered why the sudden onslaught of questions.

"Why do you suddenly care?" Seto was on the defensive, and he unfolded his arms to relax, keeping his palms atop his knees, but he gripped them until his fingertips burned.

"I'm comparing," Yami answered with a solemn nod. "I felt a disturbing, almost-instant connection with you when we met, and I've been questioning it so much, waiting for you to break up with me, to hate me, for something to happen, and nothing ever does. It's startling."

Seto ground his teeth and nodded. Yeah, he felt that way too.

He liked to think their connection was efficient.

"Then talking with the doctor should work for you to an extent," Seto said warmly, reaching down to rest his hand atop Yami's knee. "I can't hate you. I hate Devon from accounting. And nothing is going to happen because we don't stir shit up with each other. The goal is to get Mokuba into a good university without messing him up too much and then fuck off somewhere, right?"

"Yes, a good goal," Yami echoed, feeling Seto's hand gripping his leg with a firm tightness. "I currently want to fuck off to Portugal like we planned."

"Yep. I also can't wait." Seto bared his teeth and leaned in to land a bite on Yami's collarbone, earning a deep laugh that made his skin tingle. "I want to have fun. Let's fuck."

Yami nodded and threw his arms around Seto's neck, pulling him into a tight, passionate kiss and wrapping his legs around Seto's waist when he climbed nimbly on top and let Seto shove his tongue into his mouth to taste him.

Shivering happily, Yami shut his eyes and melted into the wonderful sensations, his mind humming happily and shutting off. This was why he loved Seto.

Every time they connected, he already felt healed.

"Call him."

"You call him."

"You call him."

"Last time I called him, I told the lie like you asked me to!" Joey protested, holding his hands up defensively. "He didn't even question it. I had ta do so much paper-filin' for those guys he killed. I even had ta' go apologize to their families! Now it's your turn."

"Can't." Anzu answered tersely with her arms folded. "Seto Kaiba yelled at me, threatened to press charges, and then killed the connection. He took the phone away from Atem or something."

"Yeah well, Seto Kaiba is gonna yell at me too fer tryin' anything," Joey said with a huff. "Maybe use Honda."

"Nope." Anzu nudged the desk phone closer to Joey. "Honda said, and I quote, 'What did you do? Embezzle something?' as his first hello when walking into the mansion. They ….haaate each other. Please call Atem. He can fix it."

Joey shook his head and grimaced. "I heard the phone recordin'. Kaiba said, 'he can't turn it off'. So I'm not gonna poke 'im."

"Not even for your sister, huh?" Anzu said with a tired frown. "You're really gonna make me do it?"

Joey shrugged and averted his gaze shamefully. Nope.

Kaiba had made it clear that their problems were their problems.

Yami was dangerous.

Anzu saw him as a useful tool.

And he was Seto Kaiba's boyfriend.

Super dangerous combo. He did not want to fuck with that.

"Fine. I'll call." Anzu picked up the phone and dialed, listening to the rings on the other end and wondering who would pick up. Her first guess was the manservant, and she was right.

"Kaiba Residence," Isono said, sounding slightly out of breath.

"Hello. It's Mazaki Anzu from—" the line went dead in her ear, and she frowned.

She lowered her hand to re-dial and listened to the rings.

Upstairs in the entertainment lounge of the Kaiba mansion, Isono had pulled Seto aside to take a 'work call' while Mokuba and Yami were watching a cartoon together, and the manservant offered the phone gravely up to the young master.

"Devon, from accounting," Isono raised his eyebrows. "The one you hate."

"God. What the fuck does she—he want?" Seto ground his teeth, throwing a furtive look over his shoulder at Yami. No reaction. Good.

"Unsure. I hung up on her—him and decided to ask you why you're taking a work call on a vacation day ," Isono replied, just as the phone rang merrily again, and Seto hissed.

Goddammit, that nosy policewoman.

He picked up the phone mid-ring and walked out of the room to take the call on the balcony a few rooms over.

"What. Did I say. About calling." Kaiba enunciated, and predictably, he heard a defiant huff and begging on the other end.

"Okay before you say anything, please, please hear me out," Anzu began, and Seto was firm.

"No."

"It's about a kidnapped family member—"

"No."

"Who happens to be Joey's sister?! Don't you have a heart?!"

"No. Don't know who that is and don't care."

"Really?!" Anzu grimaced and set her jaw. "You're the worst."

"No. You are," Seto growled poisonously into the receiver, reminding himself the calls were recorded and not to be too mean. "You want him for your own selfish reasons. He's healing. Really. I've seen a huge difference since he stopped talking to you two lugs. I'm blocking this number."

"We'll find a way to reach you," Anzu retorted, and Joey drew a harsh line across his throat. Hang. Up!

"And I'll block you again and again. What kind of incompetent law enforcement are you? Needinghim at every turn? What the fuck were you doing before you met him? You know what? Don't answer that." And Seto hung up.

He stormed back into the house and reminded himself to take a deep breath. No anger.

They were leaving for Portugal today in a few hours.

"Let's pack!" Seto called as he stuck his head into the entertainment lounge, and he jogged up the grand staircase to grab his tech.

Mokuba leaned to his side to give Yami a firm hug, and felt it returned with equal warmth and extra strength. Dang. Yami's arms were strong. He could see why Seto was getting buff to match him.

"See ya. Have fun in Spain. Should I start lifting weights?" Mokuba asked, and Yami looked thoughtful before he replied, "after your growth spurt. You don't want to end up as short as me, do you?"

Mokuba let out a laugh and watched Yami get up and give him a wave.

"No code word of the week?" Mokuba asked tentatively, wondering if Yami's therapy had made him stop with that, but deep down, he secretly enjoyed it.

Yami blinked, paused, and gave Mokuba a warm smile.

Damn, he had left an imprint on the younger Kaiba after all.

Seto might be mad at him for this…

"Coffee," Yami said calmly, lifting his mug up from the table. "That's mine. What's yours?"

"I won't miss you guys at all," Mokuba replied cheekily with a beaming smile.

"I'll miss you too," Yami gushed, reaching forward to pat Mokuba on the shoulder.

"No, that's my code word, ya dumdum!" Mokuba shoved Yami's hand away and thought he saw Yami's ears turn pink at the tips.

"I understand," Yami grinned, and he toasted Mokuba playfully before walking out of the room to join Seto who was walking around the house, gathering a few of his comfort electronics and a bottle of wine he'd chilled earlier.

"Jet is fueled and ready. Board in 20," Seto said shortly, brushing past Yami, who looked extremely relaxed. "Are you packed?"

Hopefully Yami would stay that way forever.

"I can be, in 15," Yami replied cheerfully as he set his coffee mug down on the nearest counter and walked up the stairs to pack a light bag. It was going to be sunny and beautiful. He wasn't going to need much other than sunglasses.

He walked into the closet and grabbed a small duffle bag with a silver KC emblem stamped on it and tossed it on the nearest ottoman. He threw a few sets of athletic wear into it and then circled the accessories island that was lit with soft, white lights, scanning the rows of sunglasses.

He grabbed the pair closest to him and heard Seto walking quickly behind him, no longer making him jump, when usually, anyone approaching him quietly from behind without a warning made his heart sear with a hot pang of adrenaline.

"Did you bring sunglasses?" Yami called, eyeing his infrared glasses tucked in the far corner up high, untouched for many months. He kept staring at them, telling himself he didn't need them.

But he was going overseas with Seto. Chances of his face being scanned were high.

But Seto's security and technology kept him safe.

He had no reason not to trust it.

Lost in his own turmoil, he didn't hear Seto's reply, and he raised his head to call out again, "what?! Say it again!"

"I said, 'no!' Get me a couple pairs, thanks!" Seto's voice was muffled as he exited the room and hurried back out down the grand staircase, packing his things.

I did that thing she said I do…again, Yami thought guiltily as he slipped a few of Seto's sunglasses into cases and stuck them in his bag.

The doctor had been kind and extremely helpful with talking him through how to manage his flashbacks, how to identify when he was having an episode, how to get out through the end, without turning into his old self.

For a moment there, merely looking at his old glasses made him flash back.

It was normal, she assured him. Progress and recovery were a jagged slope, not a steady incline.

Well, he knew that.

He'd been experiencing it forever.

She's said to accept parts of himself that would forever be this way and engage in healthy actions that would make the obsessive thoughts stop. So if it meant sleeping with a gun under his pillow—unloaded—because feeling the lump there would ease his nightmares, the doctor suggested he should do it. And he did. Seto was understanding and didn't complain, and as a result, the night sweats, night terrors, and nightmares began to ease.

It was…almost miraculous, how his past few months had changed.

He didn't think it would be possible.

Then taking the glasses, even if I don't need them…will help, Yami concluded, slipping his hand into the glass case to extract them, and he placed them into his blazer pocket in a protective case. He would pack and dress the way he normally did anytime he left the country with Seto.

This was his pattern, and he would follow it and slowly wean himself off. Maybe.

Trying not to feel terrible about it, Yami headed over to the nightstand to pull out his second gun from the bottommost drawer and also tucked the silencer and magazine into his blazer, almost forgetting to bring the lube.

Seto might give him grief for it, and might say something along the lines of, "you remembered to bring your loaded gun but forgot to bring the lube which was in the same drawer? Nice. That's fine. We'll find the same brand here somewhere."

Or something.

Packed, Yami thought cheerfully. Gun, bullets, silencer, lube, sunglasses…

Extra pair of shoes maybe? Gloves. Maybe two pairs?

One for driving a topless car, and one for gun-touching—

"YAMI! ….We're late!" Seto's voice echoed up the hallway, and Yami tried not to jump once again at the sudden volume.

Seto was usually extremely conscious about when to raise his voice around him, and since his doctor had reported 'progress' in their sessions, Seto had been raising his voice more often.

I might need him to not shout my name like that again, Yami thought anxiously, grabbing two pairs of fitted gloves from the closet and then slinging the duffel over his shoulder and jogging down the grand staircase. It kept making him think Seto was in danger or trouble somewhere. Because usually anytime his name was shouted like that, it was a death-death situation.

He threw himself into the limo and closed the door with a breathless huff, giving Seto a smile and was slightly dismayed to see him working last minute.

"I'll hang up soon. Some database thing broke somewhere and it's not my fault but it always is," Seto answered shortly as he turned to speak into his earpiece. "…No. I didn't recode that, because it didn't need to be fixed. … Well? Now it's fucking broken. Who touched it?!"

Nodding to himself, Yami glanced out the window and watched them roll out the mansion gates.

The doctor also mentioned he should be more open about what he needed from the household, and everyone accommodated him kindly, almost instantaneously, it made Yami feel extremely loved.

Mokuba had stopped asking him to play bloody FPS games and engaged him in interesting puzzle-strategy games instead.

Isono had started making more noise when walking through rooms and knocking on every surface near him when he was approaching from behind.

The maid carts had been equipped with little bells that jingled merrily, covering the loud rumbling of the wheels against the stone floors, a sound which previously gave Yami goosebumps.

He knew he had 'sound trauma'.

'I'm jumpy,' was how he explained it away to Seto for the past two years, but now that they were nearing their third anniversary together, his flaws were getting harder to hide, and he admired how Seto knew that and anticipated him.

The car pulled onto the tarmac and Yami slipped the glasses onto his face, carrying his own pack up the jet's steps while two bodyguards carried Seto's, and Yami tried to relax.

This was their anniversary vacation. It was time to have fun.

Author's note:

and the boys are off for a vacay!