Gamer4 in, coming in to write after finally- finally- 100%ing Donkey Kong Country, Tropical Freeze. Geez, you want a good example of hardcore difficulty in platforming, look no further... anyways, really excited for this chapter, so let's dive right in!

Disclaimer: I started singin': Bye, bye, Ms. American Pie! Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry! Them good ol' boys were drinking whisky and rye, singin' 'This'll be the day that I die... this'll be the day that I die...'

Chapter XVI

Prelude to a Conspiracy

To Mario's intense relief, the next couple weeks actually brightened up quite a bit- literally and figuratively. As he walked on the bright, sunny lawn surrounding the mansion, he was able to reflect on finally being free from Fassad's detentions, albeit with the catch that he wasn't certain he'd ever fully recover from them, Link had participated in four more Smash-Up practices, earning a small amount of praise from Kumatora during the last one, he was doing well in just about all his school subjects, except for ones he didn't care about, (i.e., Protection from the Evils, History of Smashing, etc.,) and Zelda had yet to bring up her absurd idea again. Well, to be honest, he was somewhat ambivalent about that last.

Despite his sheer exasperation at the idea initially, it seemed to have taken root in his subconcious. He'd gone to bed at first, considering it just another of Zelda's wacky schemes that was liable to bring nothing but trouble, and he still thought of it as such sometimes. But then there were the times that he caught himself considering all his narrow escapes in the past, considering the skills he'd used in addition to his stupid luck to swing by, wondering if it might, indeed, be better for a small, select few to hear about that than continue reading from that ridiculous book...

Nevertheless, he found he simply wasn't brave enough to initiate conversation about it himself- instead, he found himself quietly waiting for Zelda to inevitably bring it up again.

And so it came to be that he felt a leap in his stomach, both of nerves and excitement, when Zelda spoke up as she, Link, and Mario were gathered around the fire in the hub, doing their homework. "So, Mario, have you given Protection from the Evils any thought?"

As mentioned, Mario's heart leapt. Despite waiting for her to bring it up all week, he suddenly found that he wasn't quite ready to have this discussion. Evasively, he shrugged, "I've been trying not to, considering how asinine these classes have been..."

"You know that's not what I mean, Mario," Zelda spoke sharply. "I'm talking about that idea Link and I suggested the other night."

"That you suggested the other night," Link fired back, his expression clearly indicating that, for the time being, she should leave him out of this.

"Sure, why not," Zelda shook her head. "The idea I had the other night."

Mario drummed his fingers, turning over all the thoughts discussed a few paragraphs earlier in his head. "Well... yeah, I've given it some thought. And... it doesn't seem like quite a bad idea now as it did then..."

"Told you it was a good idea!" Link abruptly leapt on the bandwagon.

"Screw you, too, Link," Zelda sighed, facepalming lightly.

Mario grunted, clearing his throat and grabbing their attention. "Just to be clear- you do remember the part about dumb luck, right?"

"That is true, Mario," Zelda spoke lightly. "Now that I honestly think about it, yeah, you've been very lucky over the past few years. But still- there's no point denying you don't have a talent for it, either. Remember last year, when Franziska was trying to mind control all of us? You were the first one to throw it off- the only one, for a good while. You can do a final smash, and that's something most full-grown smashers never learned to do. Even Sonic-"

"Oh, here we go!" Link butted in, his voice suddenly taking on a rather scathing tone. "Of course the hedgehog's opinion is so critical to this conversation!"

Zelda sighed. "As I was saying, Sonic told me last year that you know how to do stuff even he's never learned, as a senior in Mycrowsoft. So... what d'ya say?"

Mario continued his finger-drumming. "What kind of class are we talking about here? Just the three of us?"

Zelda bit her lip. "Well... not to say that's not feasible, but... it doesn't seem quite fair, does it?"

"How d'ya mean?"

"Well, if we're getting actual Protection from the Evils work done, while everyone else is getting jipped out of a whole year... it just seems fair that we extend the opportunity to anyone who's interested."

She seemed afraid that another outburst was coming up, but instead, Mario's straight man side breached the surface. "Oh, yeah, because so many people are interested in learning Protection from the Evils from the madman who killed Donkey Kong last year, and spent the summer trying to pin it on Tabuu, right?"

Vaguely, he noticed that while Link winced at the use of Tabuu's name, as ever, Zelda only seemed to blink at it before responding. "I think you'd be surprised how many people in this mansion are willing to hear you out, Mario. I think the people here are better than you give them credit for."

Mario looked skeptical- Zelda sighed. "Look- leave it up to Link and me, okay? We'll start spreading the word- touch a shoulder here and there, tell them to tell anyone else they think might be interested, see if the word spreads a bit. Keeping it to people we trust, of course- try to keep everything on the down-low. I think we could all meet during the next Kurain trip- coming up in a week or so."

"Why all the secrecy?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it's not technically against the rules," Zelda pointed out, "but somehow, I doubt Fassad would quite see it that way."

XXXX

And so, word began to spread.

XXXX

"Lu, hey, Lu!"

"Hm?" Luigi glanced up from the spaghetti he was slurping down to see Zelda nudging him lightly. "Oh, hey, Zelda, what's going on?"

"Keep it down!" Zelda hissed, glancing around not-so-surreptitiously. "The walls have ears!"

"Okay, what's going on?" Luigi asked again, lowering his voice.

"There's gonna be a meeting at the Borscht Inn next week at Kurain- Mario's got something to tell anyone who'll come. Could be something big. You in?"

Luigi gave a faint smile. "This isn't going to be SOYLENT all over again, is it?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Zelda frowned. "But no, it isn't- this is about learning actual Protection from the Evils."

"Well, if it'll help me actually learn something this year, count me in," Luigi nodded.

"Glad to hear it," Zelda smiled. "Okay, Link is already tipping off the Nintendo Smash-Up team... hmm... you're friends with Lucina and her crew, right?"

"Her and Robin, yeah," Luigi nodded. "Not so much with Waluigi- he really seems to not like me, for some reason."

"Then I'll appreciate you going over to tell them even more," Zelda smiled and patted him on the back. He gave a small yelp.

"But... but they're over in Sierra!" he pointed out nervously.

"I know... but they're high on our list of people likely to want to come," Zelda explained. Luigi gulped, but gave a small nod as he glanced over at Sierra's table, looking like he was about to march to his own execution.

XXXX

"So I can sign you up?" Link asked one more time for confirmation.

"Well, well, well, little bro, looks like your Faron pride is really beginning to show!" Kirby and Meta beamed at him. "Glad to see you haven't been letting that badge corrupt you!"

Kumatora shook her head at her brawler's antics, then turned to nod at Link. "Of course you can count me in. Smeg if I'm gonna let that fat bastard ruin my last year at this school!"

"Language, Kumatora," Paula chided softly, prompting Kirby and Meta's mouths to drop. "Anyways, you can count me in, too- I'd like to hear Mario's side of things before passing judgement."

"Put me down for that, too!" added Yukiko Amagi. "Sounds interesting- I'm sure I could convince Chie to come, too..."

"And I can ask Ness," Paula agreed.

"Leave Lucas and Duster to me," Kumatora touched her forehead.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Kirby and Meta interrupted, still staring wide-eyed at Paula. "Are we the only ones who noticed Paula saying 'language?!'"

"I know, I know," Paula sighed. "It just kind of... slipped out."

XXXX

Luigi was still dragging his feet as he crossed the Dining Hall, really not looking forward to meeting with the residents of the table he was approaching.

"Hey, punk, what you doin' on our turf?" came a gangster-style voice. Luigi gulped and turned to see Bowser and his cronies standing there, arms crossed. "You're far away from Nintendo there, punk," Bowser continued. "And I don't see any record of you payin' the toll for crossing over here."

"I... uh... I... I just wanted to..." Luigi trembled violently.

"You'd best beat it, greenie," Bowser smirked. "Otherwise, things are 'bout to get bad for ya."

XXXX

"I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous. In short, in matters animal and vegetable and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major general!" Robin finally finished belting out. Taking a deep breath, he prepared to continue- "I know our mythic history, Prince Marth and-"

"Take five," Lucina raised a hand. "Look over there."

"Isn't that Luigi?" Robin raised her eyebrow. "What's he doing over here?"

"I see," Lucina nodded ponderingly. "Looks like it's time for that future to come true, Rob."

She led her friend across the table to where Bowser and his thugs were still picking on poor Luigi. "Why not beat it yourself?" she asked, crossing her arms. "He has just as much right to be here as you do- more so, if I say so myself."

Bowser snarled, but with the teachers all gathered at the front of the hall, he wasn't prepared to instigate the brawl that arguing Lucina back would necessitate. "Come on, homies, let's split," he growled, snapping his fingers and leading Ganondorf and Wario away.

"Th... thanks, Lucina," Luigi smiled wanly. "I was just coming over to tell you that-"

"There's going to be a meeting at the Borscht Inn, led by Mario, and you want to know if we'll come?" Lucina guessed ahead of time.

Luigi stared. "How did you know? Aren't you from the present time in this universe?"

"Yeah," Lucina nodded. "Shulk told me- oh, and he also said to let you know that him, Reyn, and Fiora are in, too."

"Nice," Luigi grinned. "And you?"

"In, of course," Lucina nodded. "Me, Robin, and Wa."

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop speaking for me," Robin muttered.

"So you're out?" Luigi asked, eyes widening sadly.

Robin shook his head. "I didn't say that- I'd just like to agree on my own terms, that's all."

"Alright, so, add me, Robin, and Wa," Lucina repeated, "and next, we should go see if we can get Pauline's attention."

"Pauline Dama?" Luigi asked wonderingly. "From Retro? Why her?"

"Let's just say I suspect Mario would appreciate her support," Lucina smirked.

XXXX

"Hey, whatcha guys talkin' 'bout?" Peach asked, spying Kirby and Meta Knight speaking to a boy with blond hair tied off to one side, dressed in a very... interesting outfit.

"Achtung, baby!" the boy greeted her with a hug. "Your brothers were just making a very interesting proposition- they say that Mario Mario is holding a meeting during the next Kurain weekend, and wanted to know if the Gavinners could make some time to hear him out!"

"And what did you say, Klavier?" Peach asked warmly, certain she already knew the answer.

"I agreed, of course!" Klavier gestured in a rather over-the-top manner to indicate his excitement. "Me, Daryan, and the others will most certainly be there- as I hope you will, fraulein."

"Of course," Peach nodded. "The only thing I'm wondering is why these two jokers didn't come to me first."

"You make it sound like we were planning something sinister!" Kirby and Meta winced, putting on wounded faces.

"And you weren't?" Peach asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, we didn't say that," they smirked mischievously.

XXXX

"And that's the gist of what's going on," Lucina concluded.

"I see," Pauline nodded thoughtfully. "Sounds like a plan- the Borscht Inn, right? During the next Kurain trip?"

"Yup," Lucina nodded. "Glad to hear you're interested. See you-"

"And what... is going on... here?" asked an unreasonably creepy voice. Lucina and Pauline both winced and turned to see a very... dark-looking girl standing there. Pale skin, untidy black hair that fell over her face in a manner somewhat reminiscent of many Japanese horror movies, dressed in dark robes, and clutching a tome of black magic to her chest.

"Oh hell-lo, Tharja!" Lucina changed her sentence mid-word, putting on a falsely cheery face. "So, you heard about what's going on, then?"

"Going behind the school's back, are you?" the dark girl asked, biting her thumbnail. "Getting into... mischief?"

Luigi inched away from the girl, turning and eventually landing his eyes on another Retro student he'd been contemplating inviting. Slowly, he approached a girl sitting down the table, alone for several seats, dressed in pink, wings sprouting from her head. "Hey, uh... er... Melia."

"This isn't your table," Melia spoke without looking at him. Her tone wasn't accusatory- she was simply stating a fact. "Is there something you wish to speak with me about?"

Luigi tried to open his mouth, heedless to the loop-de-loop currently tied into his tongue. "Er- eh... chookabaykadebocko."

"I'm so sorry, I don't speak Italianese," Melia shook her head slightly. Luigi legitimately couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic, or speaking of an actual language that existed, whether in reality or in her own mind. "I ask that you switch to English, or shall I summon an interpreter?"

Luigi swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to speak. "I... er... um... there's... there's going to be a meeting down in Kurain during the next trip, at the Borscht Inn. Mario wants to speak to anyone who'll listen about... er... stuff."

"Stuff?" Melia asked, turning to look at him for the first time, prompting the poor boy's heart to leap into his throat. "What kind of stuff?"

"Protection from the Evils stuff," Luigi answered, somewhat stiffly. "I... I understand if you don't want to come..."

"Quite the contrary," Melia shook her head. "I would be delighted to attend this meeting. You may count on seeing me there."

Luigi nodded shakily. "And... er... one other thing..."

"Yes?"

"I wondered... if you'd like... er... if you'd like to be... friends?" Luigi cursed himself. How stupid must he sound to her.

"Why?"

Luigi blinked- of all the responses he'd envisioned to that question, that was not one of them. She wanted to know why he'd like to be friends with her? Well... "Um... well... it could be good for you. You know what they say about friendship being the real superpower..."

"I do not," Melia shook her head. "Nevertheless, I shall take your request under advisement. Perhaps it is as you say- perhaps it could be good for me. In the meantime..." She rose from her seat, closing the book she'd been reading with a snap. "I must away to first period. Until Saturday, then." Without another word, she strode on out of the hall, Luigi staring, slack-jawed, after her. Why did he have to fall for such an odd girl?

Shaking his head violently, he recalled that Lucina was still handling that other student from before- that, er... Tharja. He turned to see them still conversing, and hurried over.

"It's nothing as bad as you think," Lucina shook her head in answer to whatever Tharja had said previously. "Please, just hear him out- it may change your opinion."

"Why should I listen to him?" Tharja asked in that creepy monotone of hers. "I have no reason to believe someone the world at large has branded a madman."

"Just come to the meeting, hear him out, and make up your mind then," Lucina repeated. "Please?"

"And what incentive to I have to interrupt my busy schedule with a trip to the furthest outskirts of Kurain?" Tharja asked, eyes narrowing. "Sounds like a waste of time if you ask-"

"Robin will be there," Lucina sighed, finally playing her trump card- as she'd suspected she'd have to.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Perhaps I can find some time in my schedule after all." The edges of Tharja's mouth twitched upwards, ever so slightly. "Hee hee hee..."

Lucina didn't like the looks of where this was going, but before anyone could speak again, they were interrupted by a rather sanctimonious voice, on par with Rob Faron himself, asking, "And what do you suppose you are all up to?"

"Ah, smeg," Lucina sighed, glancing at the newcomer. "Kevin Winnicott..."

XXXX

"So, Mario Mario is forming a new club, in order to teach Protection from the Evils..."

"That is correct. He wishes to spread the word about the Great Darkness's return, and to prepare the students of the Smash Mansion in the event that they meet starmen in the coming years."

"His goals aren't our concern- this is an opportunity the likes of which we haven't had in a long, long while. You know what you must do, correct?"

"Yes."

"I can trust you to play your role through to the end?"

"Of course. I have just one question..."

"Ask away."

"..."

"..."

"I see. It is all clear to me now. I apologize for questioning your wisdom."

"No apologies are necessary. Go forth, and play your role- the time will be right soon enough."

XXXX

Mario had some mixed feelings about the upcoming trip to Kurain, feelings that largely leaned positive, but the negative side had little to do with the 'detour' to Borscht, and largely to do with Roy. Thus far, Roy had failed to send a single letter or appear again in the hub's sink. Mario was no idiot- he knew the red-haired swordsman had been offended by Mario's vehement denial of his plan to return to Kurain, logic or no logic. He knew his godfather was a true, red-blooded hothead, and his greatest fear that week was that Roy, desperate to get away from Silent Hill, would throw everyone's warnings in the dumpster and appear anyways.

"Well, I don't blame him for wanting to breath some free air," Link shrugged when Mario ran this past him. "I mean, the closest he's been to free since before you or I could even walk was for the last two years when he was on the run- and as bad as that was, at least he was out and about, not locked up in a creepy old house with a creepy old yoshi. But don't worry about it," he added, attempting to comfort him. "The Master Hand told him not to leave, and whatever bad things he has to say about the Hand after the fact, Strider never disobeys him."

Abruptly, Zelda appeared, smiling, with a clipboard under one arm. "Alright, got the roster for the people who agreed to come to Borscht to listen to Mario speak. We have a few potential future club-members here."

"How many is 'a few?'" Mario asked, crossing his arms.

"A few," Zelda repeated evasively. "I just wish I'd gotten this much enthusiasm when I proposed SOYLENT..."

Mario and Link refused to look at each other. Whatever else they might say, Zelda's writing was improving- at the very least, her haikus had the right number of syllables now.

XXXX

Finally, the day came. Mario awoke to find the lawn covered in sunlight- but the grass rippling in a violent wind. He thought he could actually spy a tweester or two off in the distance- bizarre creatures resembling tornadoes with rather derpy faces.

The crowd of people setting off to Kurain from the foyer was, as ever, enormous, as they filed out the front doors past a closely watching Samus and Mido. Mario was making his way through them when Mido lashed out, seizing his arm and gripping it tightly in several places before releasing him, giving a slight nod, and motioning for him to continue on his way.

"The flip was that about?" Link asked, staring at the man as the three of them descended the hill upon which the mansion was perched.

"Probably checking to see if my arm was stone," Mario shrugged casually.

Link and Zelda stared. "And your arm would be stone because...?"

"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you guys!" Mario slapped his forehead, and proceeded to tell them the story of what had transpired in the aviary all those weeks ago.

Zelda's eyes narrowed. "Someone told him you were ordering ultra-bitter spray?" she asked.

"Apparently so," Mario shrugged. "Pretty weak joke, I know- probably Bowser, in that case."

Link snorted as they finally approached Kurain's gate. "So, why the Borscht Inn?" Mario asked as they headed down the familiar street. "The Colony 6 Grill and Bar closed today or something?"

"Nah, Sharla never closes up," Zelda shook her head. "The problem is, there are too many people there. The Borscht Inn is in a... seedier part of town... but there aren't as many people to listen in on us."

The last time they'd gone to the Borscht Inn, it was to use it as a landmark to locate Roy's hideout- they'd never actually entered. For that matter, they'd hardly paid it any mind at all. 'Seedy' was definitely the word that came to Mario's mind when they finally arrived at a ratty old shack made of rough wood. It looked like the set of a horror movie. Mario hesitated, throwing a second glance at Zelda, who gallantly motioned for him to go first. Mario sighed. Being the straight man had its consequences- he was expected to plunge into danger without fear, with naught but a snarky comment in the face of even the greatest horrors. "Well, here goes everything," he grumbled, pushing the door open and leading the trio inside.

Yup, it was official- this was definitely no Colony 6 Grill and Bar. Sharla went out of her way to ensure her customers felt welcome at all times- the place felt... homely. This place, however, reeked of neglect. The windows were grimy, the floor was filthy, there was a seedy corner dedicated to a billiards and poker table, complete with light and stands to hold cigarettes. The fanciest thing in the place was an old piano near the bar, several cases of grape juice bottles lay carefully next to it.

Four years earlier, the golden trio had discovered that Crazy had made a backdoor deal in this very inn for a rayquaza egg, which had caused them no end of trouble. At the time, Mario had been exasperated that Crazy had found nothing strange about the egg's donor going out of their way to hide their face, but now, he saw that Crazy was correct- the only person here who didn't have their face hidden was the bartender, a tall man with brown eyes, dressed in a grey hoodie, dark pants, and a blue beanie, who, to Mario's straight-man-side's chagrin, was currently wiping away at a glass with a cloth that didn't look much cleaner. Something about him tickled Mario's memory... he knew that face from somewhere... he just couldn't place where.

"Hold up, Zelda," Link touched her lightly on the shoulder. "All my red-flag sensors are going off- how do we know one of these guys isn't Fassad in disguise?"

"Why would he be here?" Zelda whispered back. "We've been keeping everything as quiet as possible- he has no reason to suspect anything's going on! Besides, as far as the rules are concerned, we're not doing anything wrong- just forming a new club in an area that's perfectly within the rules for students to go. I even asked Pikachu about this place- he said even if this place was out-of-bounds, eating here is its own punishment."

"If you're done standing there in the doorway, muttering," the barman finally spoke up, "you're free to come in and order any time you want."

"Sorry," Zelda's ears turned red. "We'll take three Mountain Dews, please- Code Red, regular, and White Out."

"Coming right up," the barman shrugged, turning away for a brief moment, turning around quickly and providing them with the red, white, and green drinks. Zelda passed them to their respective drinkers, and guided them over to a table as far from the bar's other patrons as possible.

"So, I decided I'd check the rules on forming new clubs," Mario noted as he took a swig of cherry goodness. "We need at least five members for this to be official, so aside from us, we need at least two more people..."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Zelda smiled.

"Don't think it'll- exactly how many people are on that roster of yours?" Mario asked, his red-flag sensors blazing into life.

"A few people," Zelda shrugged. The door creaked open. "Oh, thank Nayru- that's them now!"

Mario turned, and almost had a heart attack.

The leaders of the pack were Ness Levi, side-by side with Ilia Ordona, as well as Saria and Fado Kokiri. Just behind them were Luigi Luigi, Lucina Mercer, Robin, and Waluigi, who had to duck his spider-like legs to get under the door's frame. Right behind them was a dark girl he didn't recognize, clutching a book of some sort to her chest, and right behind her was Pauline Dama, prompting Mario's heart to fail temporarily before he continued his role call.

Next was Melia Antiqua, an expression on her face so vague, he had to wonder if she was here for the meeting, or had just stumbled upon the place. Not far behind was the Nintendo team's offense, Kumatora Jones, Paula Polestar, and Yukiko Amagi, the last of whom was accompanied by a tomboyish girl in a green jacket. Pichu and Plusle Minun, he would kick himself later for forgetting they'd be all over this idea, right in front of a trio of Hals- Lucas Ikari, Duster Osohe, and Maya Fey. Three students from Retro, Hal, and Nintendo he knew by name as Daryan Crescend, Ema Skye, and Klavier Gavin, the last of whom was accompanied by Peach Faron, and bringing up the rear, a tall boy in red with a rather snooty expression he recognized only as a member of Hal's Smash-Up team, being ushered in by Kirby and Meta Knight Faron, along with the third member of their crew, Smash-Up commentator Teddy Ellay.

Zelda put on her best 'innocent face' as Mario turned to glare at her. "What, Link was in on it, too!"

"You were?" Mario turned to him.

"I may have had a hand," Link shrugged, determinedly looking everywhere but at Mario.

Mario sighed. "You two are the reason I have an emotional dependence on Mountain Dew," he muttered, taking a long swig from said drink in front of him.

The bartender, meanwhile, was dumbstruck- never had he seen his place this packed. Kirby bounced up to him with a wide grin. "Boy, have we got some business for you today, good sir!"

"Yessir, we do!" Meta put in, bouncing up as well. "We'll take a good... er... twenty-eight sodas! Whatcha all want back there?"

A great deal of murmuring came from the crowd as they all stated their preferred flavors, passing money up to their marshmallowy benefactors. "Alright, thank you all very much!" Kirby grinned. "Well, you heard 'em, buddy!" he added to the bartender, who fired a brief death glare at the puffball before turning and getting started on those orders.

Mario hadn't known what to expect before, but seeing all these people left him well and truly at a loss for words. Slowly turning back to Zelda, he asked, "Okay, spill it- what are these people expecting? What did you tell them to get them here?"

"Like I said, they want to hear you out," Zelda shrugged. Wincing under the pyromancer's ensuing death glare, she quickly said, "just lean back and relax for now- I'll warm them up."

"How's it going, bro?" came Luigi Luigi's voice, the tall boy flashing him a grin as he took a seat with some plain Mountain Dew in tow. Mario would have smiled back, but his facial muscles weren't in it. Next to Luigi sat Pauline Dama, offering him an encouraging glance over her glass of Code Red- seeing her preference in Mountain Dew set Mario's heart hammering harder than ever. Beside her was that dark girl from before, drinking from a glass of Pitch Black, keeping her gaze fixed on him, not even blinking. He wished she would- she was putting him off.

There was some chattering as these new potential club members mingled for a minute or two before finally taking their seats and staring up at the three who'd called them here.

Mario turned to glare at Zelda in a 'You got us into this mess, go on and get us out!' kind of way, prompting her to turn red as she succumbed to the human race's most common phobia, standing and speaking to the gathered audience. "He- hello, everyone."

Silence. Zelda gulped. "Okay, so... I'm guessing you all know why we're here. This is Mario Mario, and he had the idea- I had the idea, I had the idea!" she hastily corrected as Mario's gaze began to burn her. "I had the idea that... well, that the Protection from the Evils we're learning from Fassad Yokuba just isn't enough to cut it- that if we're really going to learn it, we should take it into our own hands." She slowly accumulated more confidence and momentum when she spied several nodding heads and agreeing faces. "What we need to learn goes beyond theory- we need actual practice in the art of self-defense-"

"Not confident that Fassad's classes will get you through the ALBATROSS tests, hm?" spoke up Ema Skye, munching on strange things she was taking from a bag labeled 'snakoos.' "Can't blame you- those classes, to use a scientific term, suck major donkey balls."

A few chuckles around the room. Zelda nodded. "Of course, the ALBATROSSes are a part of it," she agreed. "But there's more to it- not just to get us through school, but because... because... well, there's no beating around the bush. Tabuu's back."

The reaction was just what Mario would have expected- a scream, a shattering glass, Daryan Crescend gritting his teeth, causing his rather phallic hair to bob up and down, Luigi giving a yelp as he attempted to leap into Lucina's arms, scooby-doo style, only to be blocked by Waluigi, beating him to the punch and throwing a nasty grin at the green boy as he tumbled to the ground, and a great deal of shuddering.

"So, yeah, now you know," Zelda nodded. "So, if we're going to make this thing official-"

"We'll need some proof," came a snooty tone, drawing everyone's attention to the Hal in red clothing and black hair.

"Excuse me?" Zelda asked, crossing her arms as she turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I forgot who I was talking to," the Hal spoke snidely. "This may come as a shock to you, but not everyone's convinced that the Great Darkness is back- where's the evidence of such, outside the old Hand's word?"

"You don't think that's good enough?" Zelda asked, one eyebrow going up.

"The Master Hand only believes it because red-cap over there believes it," the Hal pointed out condescendingly.

"And you don't think that's good enough?" Link asked, turning red at the implied insult to his friend. "Exactly who are you, you smegging winnicot?"

"Not just a winnicot- the Winnicot," the Hal corrected. "Kevin Winnicot- Hal. And if you want my support, than I need a little more than hearsay. So, let's hear it from the horse's mouth- what exactly is the tale of Mario Mario?"

"Look, we're starting to stray from the-" Zelda started, but Mario cut her off with a raised hand.

"It's alright, Zelda- I thought this might be the case." He rose to his feet and looked each and every person there in the eye. "What makes me say Tabuu is back? Only the fact that it's true- I saw it happen. The Master Hand told you everything you need to know last year. If you didn't believe him then, there's nothing I can say to convince you, and I'm not going to waste my time trying."

"All he said," Kevin retorted, "was that the Great Darkness killed Donkey Kong- a pretty brief summary if you ask-"

"If you want details about what it looks like when the greatest evil that ever lived rises again, murders a close friend, then tries to kill you, too, you came to the wrong place. If you're here to talk about the last moments of Donkey Kong, I'm sorry- that's a conversation for one person, and one person only- and he's not here." A quick glance in Ness's direction showed that the baseball-toting boy knew exactly who he was talking about. "Let's get this sorted out right now- anyone here purely to listen to the story of Tabuu's return, you may as well leave now."

A lingering silence fell. Mario crossed his arms, tapping his shoulder with his opposite index finger, watching, waiting for the majority of them to stand up and head out- but nobody did. Even Kevin Winnicot, scowling though he was, didn't rise from his seat.

The silence was finally broken by a trembling raised hand. Mario turned to find Maya Fey, looking slightly nervous, but flinging her hand skyward nonetheless. "Yes?" he asked.

"My sister told me you can do a final smash- is that true?" she asked.

Mario stared at her. "Your sister- you mean Mia?"

"Mia Fey, best judge on the government's payroll!" Maya nodded, grinning. "She told me all about the trial- so, is it true? You can do a full-on final smash?"

Mario slowly nodded. "That is true."

"Well, well, well," spoke the dark girl next to Pauline. "Perhaps this will turn out to be worth my time after all... hee hee hee... hahahahaha!"

Looking somewhat off-put by the evil cackling going on right in front of him, Klavier Gavin was the next to speak- "And according to the Word on the Wind, you were the one who gave that red sword in the Master Hand's office to him- after using it to kill the monster inside the Dungeon of Secrets!"

"A giga koopa, to be exact," Link nodded. "Yup, that's true too."

Duster let out a whoop, Ilia cheered, and Pichu thumped his younger brother on the back- "I told you! I told you he saved me!"

"And, lest we forget," Luigi spoke up, "he kicked off his school career by saving the hypoborean stone!"

"The Hylian Stone," Zelda corrected him. "But yes, he did that."

"Yeah, not just saved it," Luigi kept on trucking, "he snatched it right out from under the Great Darkness's nose!"

"And, of course," spoke another voice- Pauline Dama, causing Mario's heart to go camping out in his forehead, "there's the Console Games from last year- that meta dragon, the zoras, the Slender Man, the Ultimate Chimaera..."

Mario sighed. He was glad to hear that not everyone had a rock-bottom opinion of him- particularly that Pauline was so prominent among them- but he still had to say it. He wouldn't be honest with any of them- or himself- if he didn't. "Look, guys... I'm not trying to be modest when I say this- really, I'm not. The fact is, a lot of the time, I had help with those things-"

"Yeah, we could see the guy in the kart with you, helping you to drive circles around Ridley," Ema Skye smirked at him over another snackoo. "Hard to see you, with all the help he was giving you."

"And we're sure your cousin was a huge help against those floows in the summer," Maya threw a mischievous smirk at him.

"As well as against those animatronics at Freddy Fazbear's," Melia put in. Mario was on the point of wondering how she knew about that when Lucina spoke up.

"Just admit it, Mario, yeah, you couldn't have done it alone... but without you, Waluigi wouldn't even be standing here right now."

"Waluigi gotta be grateful to you," Waluigi piped up, almost as if at Lucina's bidding. "Waluigi gonna give you a discount when he get his bridal boutique! Waluigi gonna help you get married, cater you with tha tacos from his taco stand... Waluigi really gonna hook you up, waa!"

"Okay, I get it," Mario interrupted. "I get it, I don't give myself enough credit- but the point still stands."

"What point?" came Kevin Winnicot's voice. "These dorks all turn up to hear what you have to say, and now you're trying to slip out of actually following through on your promises?"

"You seem to have a hearing problem, my friend," Kirby spoke up, sounding hostile- it was an odd tone from the puffball, as he produced a long rod. "Luckily, Meta and I have just the instrument to fix that up for ya..."

Kevin quickly moved as far away from them as he could, eyes on the rod. Mario cleared his throat. "That won't be necessary, you two."

"Yeth, mathter!" they both lisped back at him, instantly returning to their cheery demeanor.

Zelda cleared her own throat, struggling to get the meeting back on track. "So, we're all agreed to make this an official club?"

The smiles, nods, and whoops from the populace said that the idea was pretty much unanimously agreed upon.

"Alright, glad we finally got that taken care of," Zelda sighed in relief. "Okay, so, now we have to ask ourselves how often we'll be meeting up. Personally, I think that any less often than once a week, and we might as well not bother."

"But let us not forget," came Kumatora's voice, "that Smash-Up is finally back on this year! I'm all for this club, don't get me wrong, but we can't have it screwing over our team!"

"Or ours!" Pauline agreed.

"Or ours," Kevin nodded in that sanctimonious voice of his.

"I'm not on the Sierra team," Lucina shrugged. "Neither are Robin or Waluigi- no need to worry about us."

"Honestly, I think there are some things at stake here bigger than Smash-Up," came a quiet voice- everyone spun around, looking for the source, before finally focusing on Lucas Ikari. He looked around, startled and looking somewhat off-put by the sudden onslaught of attention. "Well, I mean... with the starmen coming back, Protection from the Evils is more important than ever. I just want to know why the government chose this year, of all years, to force this teacher on us who refused to teach us anything..."

"Unfortunately, we have the answer for you," Zelda spoke up, lowering her head and closing her eyes. "The government doesn't want us learning defensive smashing- they think the Master Hand would use us to take over the government."

The only person who didn't seem shocked and appalled at this news was Melia Antiqua. "Hmm, it makes sense, from his point of view- after all, he has his army of telethia."

"Telethia?" asked the dark girl. "That's the first I've heard of it..."

"That's because it's a load of bubkiss!" Zelda burst out- Melia always seemed to bring out the worst in her. "Telethia are half-remembered myths from thousands of years ago- they never existed, now, then, or ever!"

"You maintain that despite the many reports throughout the years?" Melia asked, showing her angry side, as ever, only towards Zelda.

"I have yet to see any physical evidence!"

"And we have yet to see physical evidence that the Great Darkness has returned!" Melia rebutted. "Nonetheless-"

"Nwe-hem!" came a crud-eating laugh from the nearby wall. Everyone spun around in a panic, only to laugh a collective laugh of relief when they saw it was Peach, arms crossed and lids lowered halfway. "If you two are done turning this place into an elementary school playground, how about we try to hammer out the finer details of this club, hm?"

Once again, Mario felt that feeling towards Peach he'd felt back at Silent Hill- and once again, he was unable to identify it. Zelda cleared her throat, looking embarrassed. "Yes, of course. Well, like I said, once a week should cut it- we should be able to work around everyone's Smash-Up schedules with that. If anything, it'll help us out- we'll never be able to meet on the same days of the week, keep anyone watching from noticing a pattern. Now comes the hard part- where are we going to meet?"

Silence fell. "I'm guessing the library won't work," Paula muttered to herself.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Ruto would love to have a bunch of smashers in training throwing their powers around her books like baseballs," Ness smirked.

Robin nudged the dark girl next to Pauline. "Hey, Tharja, I don't suppose any of those curses of yours could keep someone from entering an unused classroom, let us practice in there."

"You know I'd do anything for you, Robin," Tharja spoke, biting her nail harder than ever. "But I'm sad to say that, for the moment... I lack those particular capabilities."

"Don't worry- leave it to us," Zelda spoke up. "Keep an eye out on the coconut telegraph- we'll get word around once we find a place- in 25 words or less. In the meantime, what are we going to call ourselves?"

"Call ourselves?" Luigi asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah- we should have a name," Zelda shrugged. "Make it feel like a real unofficial club, promote a sense of teamwork- you know what they say about the real superpower of teamwork!"

Missing Melia quietly wondering what games everyone else was playing that she wasn't, Kumatora spoke up. "The Anti-Fassad Movement."

"Too five years ago," Zelda scrunched her nose. "Any other ideas?"

"Anonymous! Anonymous!" Kirby and Meta cheered.

"I don't think so," Zelda shook her head. "Not unless we want the readers to be taken to a picture of Guy Fawkes every time they click on the link to this story."

"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen!" burst out Waluigi.

Zelda blinked. "That's... actually pretty good!" She even performed the hand gesture. Frowning, she added, "But it's taken."

Waluigi glanced at his knees. "Waluigi always be wantin' ta be part of da League of Extraordinary Gentlemen..."

"Here's an idea," Pauline raised her hand. "The SOM Brigade- stands for Sons of Mario Brigade, y'see?"

"I like the acronym," Peach piped up, "but the actual name could use some work- a little too easy to guess. So, what I think it should stand for is, Spreading Smashing all Over the World with the Master Hand Brigade! Really difficult to guess, not a connection many would make right off the bat, and it seems to be what the government is most afraid of, amirite?"

Smiling at the good humor going around at this comment, Zelda took out a paper and a clipboard. "Alright, all in favor of the Spreading Smashing all Over the World with the Master Hand Brigade, raise your hands!"

Even Kevin raised his, though the look on his face clearly said, 'This name would have been so much better if I'd come up with it.'

Zelda smiled. "It's unanimous! The SOM Brigade, we are!"

Cheering from the populace, particularly from Kirby and Meta Knight. Zelda cleared her throat. "One last thing, before we break up for today- perhaps we should all sign this paper- you know, just to keep track of who was here, to know who to contact once we find a meeting place! Just keep in mind that, by signing, you're agreeing to the first rule of the SOM Brigade- do not talk about the SOM Brigade. You're also agreeing to the second rule of the SOM Brigade- do not talk about the SOM Brigade. If you have someone you truly trust that seems like a good candidate for a member, that's one thing, but telling someone who's likely to run off and tell Fassad... off the table. Telling Fassad himself... is right out."

Kirby, Meta, Teddy, Ness, Paula, and several others were all too happy to sign, but not everyone shared the sentiment. Kevin Winnicot, predictably enough, was one of them, but what surprised Mario was when Lucas hesitated. "I mean, it's a good cause and all," the blond-haired boy explained his reasons, eyes fixed on his shoes, "but... if Fassad were to find that paper..."

"Lucas, you know who I am," Zelda smirked at him slightly. "Do you really think I'd lose track of a used thumbtack, let alone something this important?"

"No- no, good point," Lucas smiled weakly, accepting the pen offered him and putting his name down.

Next was Tharja, alongside Lucina and Robin. "Any objections?" Zelda asked as she approached.

"No- you're all going to die anyways," Tharja smirked as she placed her name on the paper.

Mario glanced nervously at her as she walked off, then at Lucina and Robin. "You're sure we can trust her, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Lucina nodded, trying to sound reassuring, but not sounding all that certain herself. "I know she's a little creepy- Robin can attest to that- but at the end of the day, her heart's in the right place."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DESTROY YOU ALL!" came a burst of evil cackling from Tharja's seat.

"...I think," Lucina looked less confident in herself.

At long last, Zelda managed to convince Kevin to sign, and everyone stood around, looking somewhat awkwardly at each other. Hard to know what to say, after a meeting like that.

"Well, time's money!" Meta finally spoke up. "Come on, loyal subjects of the werecat king! We have business elsewhere on this fine day! Hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four!" With that, the twin puffballs and Teddy Ellay frog-marched out the door, raising their arms in time with their feet. Slowly but steadily, everyone else filtered out as well, until Mario, Link, and Zelda were the only ones left, walking down the street all on their lonesome.

"Well, it went better than it could have," Zelda noted brightly, tucking the list of members away into her bag.

"Maybe if that Winnicot winnicot hadn't come, it would've gone better," Link muttered sourly.

"Yeah... the way I heard it, he wasn't supposed to be here, but he overheard Lucina inviting Pauline, so she didn't have much choice but to invite him."

"And what about that girl- Tharja?" Mario asked uncertainly. "I mean, I don't like to be judgmental, but something just seemed... off about her."

Even as he spoke, he swore he could hear that evil cackle off in the distance. Zelda waved his concern aside. "No need to be so prejudiced, Mario- just because she fits just about every single dark sorceress stereotype in the book, down to actively practicing dark magic, it doesn't make her a bad person."

"YOU WILL ALL DROWN IN THE BLOOD OF THE ANCIENTS!"

Mario shook his head. "I hope you're right, Zelda. I really hope you're right."

"I was surprised to see Klavier Gavin there, in all honesty," Zelda noted. "Then again, he is going out with Peach, so that might have something to-"

"WHAT?!" Link burst out, staring at Zelda. "WHAT did you just say about Klavier Gavin?!"

"He's going out with Peach," Zelda repeated. "It's a pretty simple concept. They met up when they were getting ready for the Festival of Trees last year- they bonded over a mutual love of music, and have been going out since the tail end of last year."

Link was at a loss for words. Well, not entirely. "Alright, which one- which one of those scumbags was Klavier Gavin?!"

"Blond hair, tied off to one side, stylized G around his neck, red jacket?" Zelda described him off of memory.

"I didn't like him," Link's eyes narrowed. "Too much of a glimmerous fop."

"Whatever that means," Mario stared at him.

"What happened to her crush on Mario?!"

"When did this conversation become about me?!"

Zelda turned back to them and tapped her foot impatiently. "Yeah, she had a crush on Mario, but she threw in the towel on that one a ways back. Not to say she doesn't care for you," she added towards Mario, "but she acknowledged it as a celebrity crush, and decided she needed to move on with her lovelife."

"Is that why she talks in front of me now?" Mario asked- he'd hardly paid it any thought, but Peach used to be a whole different person around him- reserved, quiet, and shy. Lately, it seemed the mask had slowly peeled away, until he finally got to see the Peach everyone else saw normally.

"That would be why, yeah," Zelda nodded. "Colony 6, anyone? After that smeg, I think I could use some real soda..."

Mario nodded and continued following her down the street, Link still muttering insults and other unkind things about Klavier Gavin even as they took their seats.

"But forget Tharja and Peach," Zelda smirked at him. "What about Pauline?"

"P-p-p-Pauline?" Mario asked, ears turning red. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh, sure you don't," Zelda's smirk widened. "Honestly, I think the only reason you noticed Tharja was because she was right next to Pauline the whole time..."

Mario waited for his Mountain Dew to arrive, then stared at it intently. He was going to freaking need this one...

XXXX

WOOHOO! Much shorter break than last time! Glad to be back, all! This is a chapter I've really been looking forward to! I hope you're all as excited as I am to proceed from this point! To let me know, please R&R, constructive criticism and questions embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!