Gamer4 in, and just noticing, for the first time, that Rhajat and Asugi are anagrams of Tharja and Gaius, respectively. Yeah, I noticed right away that they were basically clones of said characters, but I am ashamed to say that I just now made the connections that even their names are so similar. So, while reading this chapter, keep in mind the cone of shame that I'm wearing while typing it out. Moving on.
Disclaimer: Now, for ten years, we've been on our own, and moss grows flat on our rolling stone, but that's not how it used to be- when the jester sang for the king and queen, a coke he borrowed from James Dean, and a voice that came from you and me!
Chapter XVII
Insurgents
Despite his ambivalence towards the idea beforehand, the SOM Brigade turned out to be a great boon for Mario for the remainder of the weekend, granting him a sense of joy he hadn't felt since witnessing Tabuu's return. Even chipping away, bit by bit, at his overflowing 'homework inbox' with Link wasn't nearly as much of a chore as it usually was- the knowledge that they were finally doing something besides laying down and allowing Fassad to walk all over them was like a talisman inside his heart- thankfully, one that came without the side effects of giving him a split personality bent on bathing in the blood of his enemies.
He even woke up joyfully on Monday, the day of all his least favorite classes, keeping in mind that there was a group out there that believed him to be more than an attention-seeking liar at best, deranged murderer at worst. There were people willing to listen him, even to learn from him...
And then he saw the notice posted on the bulletin board.
XXXX
"So, why weren't you at the meeting again?" Pauline asked of her fellow Retro as they descended the staircase towards their hub.
"Oh- we, uh... overslept," the blond-haired girl responded with a remarkably English accent. "Embarrassing, I know... but you can tell us when the official meetings start, right?"
Pauline opened her mouth to answer when a male voice interrupted- "Of course she will, Fiora- and that's no future-sight talking." They both turned to see Shulk Clairvoya descending his own staircase. "I guess Reyn is rubbing off on us- even from Hal."
"That would be my guess, yeah," Fiora giggled.
"Then again, shouldn't you have seen the future and known you'd oversleep?" Pauline pointed out, her arms crossed.
"Or maybe Gamer4 could have not forgotten about us in the first place," Shulk pointed out. "Either way-" he froze. "Well, it's times like this I wish I could see the future whenever I wanted..."
"What is it?" Fiora asked, only to cover her mouth in a gasp when she saw what he did. "Oh, Bionis..."
XXXX
"Get- get out of my way, please, I'm a prefect!" a low, somewhat squeaky voice echoed through the Hal hub- clearly not as used to exercising its authority as Rob. "Duster, what's going on? What's with everyone gathering 'round the bulletin board?"
Duster turned to see Lucas, shorter than the average smasher, struggling to peer over everyone's heads, but failing miserably. "Come on over here," he grunted, lifting his comrade up onto his shoulders. Lucas gasped.
"I- but- how could..."
In a darkened corner of the room, a dark smirk crossed Tharja's face as she pressed her book further and further into her chest. "What an... interesting... turn of events..." she muttered into the void.
XXXX
"What... the smeg... is this?!" Robin growled, his voice cracking at least twice as she shifted sex spontaneously.
"Waluigi smear herring all over this waa," Waluigi crinkled his nose, arms and legs both crossed.
"What did he say?" Robin asked of Lucina- he knew Waluigi better now than she had a few years ago, but still required the blue-haired lord to translate some of his more indecipherable ramblings.
"He said there's something fishy about this," Lucina's eyes narrowed into slits. "And I can't help but agree."
XXXX
"You're certain about this?"
"Absolutely certain- it was in every single group's hub this morning."
"And you think it means-"
"I fail to see what else it could mean."
"How troubling..."
"Nevertheless, I do not believe this will stop Mario Mario from continuing his initiative- from what I saw yesterday, none of the SOM Brigade will be so easily dissuaded."
"So your plan hasn't changed?"
"No, it hasn't."
"Very well- continue fulfilling your role- but walk with caution."
"Of course- anything less would be a disgrace to us all."
XXXX
Mario could already hear that teapot-whistle firing up. "That... is a load... of bull!" Link snarled, a scouter from Dragonball Z appearing in his hands specifically for him to crush in anger. "How... How...?"
Now that we've dragged things out long enough, I guess it's time to show you what everyone was reacting to. Pasted onto the billboard, over everything else, was a poster reading as follows:
IN THE NAME OF PRESIDENT RYAN'S 'THIRD EYE,'
ALL STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS, SOCIETIES, TEAMS, GROUPS, CLUBS, OR, YES, BRIGADES ARE HEREBY DISBANDED.
THE ABOVE ARE DEFINED AS THE REGULAR- OR AT LEAST, WEEKLY- MEETINGS OF THREE STUDENTS OR MORE.
THE ONLY PERSON IN THE MANSION WHO MAY GRANT PERMISSION TO REFORM IS FASSAD YOKUBA, THE THIRD EYE.
SWIFT AND HARSH PUNISHMENT SHALL BE DEALT TO ANY FOUND TO BE PART OF AN ORGANIZATION, SOCIETY, TEAM, GROUP, CLUB, OR, YES, BRIGADE NOT APPROVED BY THE THIRD EYE- THUS DEEMED PROBLEMATIC.
"Well, there goes the Chess club," mumbled a nearby student, with a cockney accent and blue clothing.
"I wouldn't worry about the chess club, Luke," Link shook his head, patting the boy on the shoulder. Turning a critical eye towards Mario, he added, "Now, the Brigade, on the other hand..."
Mario's fists were clenching and unclenching. "How... how could she know?"
"Search me," Link shook his head darkly. "There were plenty of people in that inn who might have blabbed, and that's if it wasn't one of the students..." Link slapped a hand to his forehead. "Great, two days of existing, and we've already got a mole. You know what? I bet it was Kevin Winnicot- he seems like the type to do it. Or- hey, it could have been Klavier Gavin..."
"My money would be on Tharja, if anyone," Mario spoke honestly.
"Couldn't be her," Link shook his head. "You're just paranoid because of her..."
"Creepiness?" Mario suggested.
"Yeah, but we don't accuse people of being traitors because they're creepy."
"Only because they're dating our sisters, right?"
Link opened and closed his mouth a couple times, then shook his head. "Whatever, I'm going to tell Zelda."
Mario reached out to stop him, but too late- Link had already set foot on the stairs leading up to the girls' dorm, which immediately changed into a slide and sent the swordsman shooting back down into the hub.
Mario approached, clapping very slowly and shaking his head. "Don't you remember that random quicky back in third year? I gave you a perfect example of why you shouldn't do that."
"I guess some people just don't learn from their mistakes!" giggled a couple female noobs, sliding down the slide Link had just made for them.
"What the heck? Why can't we- I mean, Zelda visits us all the time in ours!" Link rubbed his hand through his hair, more bewildered than affronted.
"Like I said back then, 'that's not sexist at all,'" Mario shook his head.
"It's a pretty old-fashioned rule," Zelda agreed, swooping in on their conversation from above- almost literally. "From what I hear, the Master Hand's been planning on fixing it for a while, he just never got around to it. Anyways, we're straying dangerously close to that topic again, so why don't we change the subject- why were you trying to get up there to begin with, Link?"
"The flipping bulletin," Link sighed, pointing behind him as Mario helped him to his feet. Zelda read the whole thing in a little over three seconds- we could give the exact number, but then we'd be here for... ever.
"Like I said earlier- it's a great sign when your organization exists for two days and has a mole already."
Zelda bit her thumbnail. "Hmmm... I'm not so certain..."
"Zelda, we get it, you'd never do something like that," Link sighed in exasperation. "But here's the thing- just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean no one else would."
"Well, we'll see at breakfast, at any rate," Zelda shook her head. "There's a curse on that paper we all signed- anyone who breaks those first two rules of the Brigade... well, they'll be sorry."
"What'll it do?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we'll know who it is, let's leave it at that," Zelda bowed her head. "So, the next question is, has the rest of the Brigade seen this yet?"
XXXX
Based off evidence from the Dining Hall that breakfast, yes they had. It seemed the notice had appeared in all the hubs, because all the conversations Mario overheard on his way to the Nintendo table were of students expressing concern over the cancellation of their clubs and teams. No sooner had Mario, Link, and Zelda taken their seats than all the other Nintendo members of the Brigade were at their side.
"What's the buzz, tell me what's-a happenin', what's the buzz, tell me what's-a happenin'," was how the Faron twins and Peach led the questioning, bobbing up and down in time with their song. "What's the buzz, tell me what's-a happenin', what's the buzz, tell me what's-a happenin'..."
Resisting the temptation to answer with the first verse, Mario simply said, "We're still doing it, don't worry."
"Dang right, we are!" Kirby and Meta whooped. "We're proud of you, boy."
"Hmm, I spy with my little eye," Link spoke up, "Lucas and Maya coming this way- along with Ema Skye and that Daryan guy. They don't look any different from the other day..."
"Does that matter?" Zelda asked, panicking. "They can't come over here, not now! It'll be too suspicious!"
"Allow me to speak with them," Klavier straightened up, brushing his hair to one side. "I certainly have reason to speak with Ema and Daryan, I'm sure I could explain away the others as well."
Mario, however, turned his eyes towards the Retro table, where Pauline was fixed in conversation with none other than Tharja- what group was that girl supposed to be in, anyway?
However, Mario didn't realize the full extent of what that notice implied until he and Link were already on their way up to Professor Andonuts' class, and a voice echoed behind them. "Mario! Link! Front and center!"
Both boys immediately fell into formation for Kumatora, approaching rapidly. "Yes, captain!" they barked in unison.
"At ease, I just needed you to stop," she panted momentarily as she approached.
Mario lowered his hand from its salute and nodded. "Alright. Well, in that case, no need to worry, we're still doing the-"
"Yeah, yeah, I figured," Kumatora waved him aside. "That's not it! Do you realize that fat bastard's including Smash-Up in this?!"
"Smash-Up?" Mario gasped. "He- he can't do that- that's sacred territory!"
"Nothing is sacred to this guy," Kumatora grimaced, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "So, Mario, I am ordering you- asking you- begging you- I will get down on my knees and grovel if I flipping have to- do not do anything in Fassad's class today that could jeopardize the team! Just... just keep your head down, read the stupid book, follow any of his stupid orders, please!"
"Alright, alright, you got it, you got it, I'll be a good mindless drone!" Mario gasped. "Can you let go of my overalls now?"
Kumatora took a deep breath, and released the straps of his overalls, which, sure enough, she'd been gripping tight enough to turn her knuckles white. "Sorry... just kind of... desperate, you know?"
"I know," Mario nodded. "Come on, Link- three rupees says Fassad inspects History of Smashing today, don't want to be late for that..."
But Mario ended up shoving three rupees over to Link- Fassad was nowhere to be seen during that class. Only Andonuts- Wave Existence alone knew if he was even aware of the Inquisition going on. Mario, therefore, allowed himself to fall into his usual stupor, barely aware of what was going on- until he awoke to a fingernail digging into his side. He looked up to see Link and Zelda staring at him, wide-eyed- a motion from their heads led his gaze to the window, where he gasped- on the other side was his precious bird, Parakarry. "What the- why?" If the albatross had a note for him, it would normally come in during breakfast, along with all the other mail. Why, then, would Parakarry see fit to make this one communique so special?
The entire class stared as Mario rushed to the window, opened it up, and rushed back to his seat, avian comrade in tow. Andonuts didn't give the slightest hint he noticed- he was still plowing on and on into his sermon.
Mario expected Parakarry to immediately grant him the letter he'd brought, but as he took a closer look, he went colder than any pyromancer had any right to get- Parakarry was breathing oddly, his feathers were more ruffled than normal, and one of her wings seemed to be... twisted...
Struggling to keep his cool, Mario raised a hand. "Professor Andonuts, I'm- I'm not feeling well, I should probably go to Nurse Tessie..."
Andonuts shook himself awake, gazing over his book towards him. "Hm? Oh. Oh, very well, if you must, Mr. Ryoma..."
Wasting no time on wondering who 'Ryoma' was, Mario leapt to his feet and rushed his bird out into the hallway, wondering what to do. His first choice, of course, would have been to take Parakarry to the Crazy Hand, who specialized in dealing with animals from all walks of life, but with him still frustratingly absent, there was only one person he could turn to. He just hoped she'd be in the teacher's lounge...
He was rushing up to said room when it opened up and Samus stepped out of it, gazing behind her and flashing a good-natured 'well, screw you too' look behind her, before turning around, noticing Mario, and narrowing her eyes. "Wave Existence as my witness, Mario, if this is another detention from Fassad Yokuba..."
"Nothing like that, nothing like that!" Mario shook his head frantically. "It's Kj- er, Ms. Sheh!" he quickly amended, racking his memories for Kjelle's surname. "My albatross, Parakarry- he's hurt!"
The door behind Samus opened again, to the clanking of heavy metal. "Did someone say an albatross's been hurt?"
Never had Mario been so happy to see the massive, armor-clad form of the substitute Smashing Creatures teacher. "Yes- here- his wing, it's not supposed to-"
"No, it's not supposed to," Kjelle agreed, gazing over the bird, handling him with surprising gentleness. "He didn't get like this on his own, that's for sure... I'd suspect a gastly or haunter, but Crazy told me he's got all of them trained not to go after albatrosses... where exactly did this bird come from?"
Mario closed his eyes, thinking of the first false name he could think of, hoping to the Wave Existence that Samus understood. "Er... Philadelphia, I think."
He cracked open his eyes, and to his relief, it was obvious Samus understood. And that look she exchanged with Kjelle...
Kjelle cleared her throat. "Well, that's quite a distance," she spoke up quickly. "But the damage doesn't look too severe- I think I should have him up and ready to fly again by next week- though I'd recommend keeping him away from any particularly strenuous flights for a month or so, got it?"
"Got it," Mario nodded.
Samus, meanwhile, flipped the letter she'd just finished detaching from the bird over to Mario. "Take this," she muttered quietly. "And remember- the skies have ears as well."
"The skies-" Mario was on the point of asking, only for the bell to ring, and for the hallways to be filled so swiftly that he no longer heard her as he was swept away in the tide. It was all he could do to find a secluded area to rip open the envelope, to find a letter written in that ever-familiar, ever-comforting handwriting.
You know the place, you know the time, just be there, this last line's to rhyme.
XXXX
"That's from Strider, alright," Zelda concluded, gazing the note over when presented with both it and the story. "And... Philadelphia?"
"City of brotherly love- Philanthropy," Mario explained. "Starting to look like Kjelle's with Philanthropy, too."
"Really? Huh, never seen her around," Link shrugged. "Anyways, here's hoping no one else has read this- wouldn't want good ol' Strider to get caught."
"Don't know how anyone would know what it meant to begin with," Mario pointed out.
"Well, if the government's been keeping a close eye on the Warp Zone Network... which, given their paranoia, seems all too likely," Zelda pointed out, nibbling on a thumbnail nervously. "Then again, with what happened to Parakarry, I don't see how we could get a message to him without whoever did this snatching it up, too!"
"Another ray of sunshine from Zelda 'Glass-Half-Empty' Hyrule," Link shook his head, attempting to sound jovial, but his concern showing on his face nonetheless.
Needless to say, Mario was in a better mood than ever as he approached the entrance to Power-Ups class- why wouldn't he be? His mood only improved when he saw Bowser in front of the door, speaking at the top of his reptilian lungs, waving a slip of paper in the air.
"Of course, Mr. Yokuba gave Sierra the right to re-enter the championship right off the bat!" he was boasting. "Well, you know what they say, it ain't what you know, it's who you know, and Mr. Yokuba and the old man go way back, he wasn't about to turn me away. It'll be interestin' ta see how he reacts to Nintendo..."
Mario's fists were clenching and unclenching, but the first thing he did was offer his arms to Link and Zelda, who immediately grabbed on, detecting his plea for assistance- Kumatora's warning in his ears, he did not want to throw down with Bowser right now.
"Just a good thing it ain't Mario that's gotta appeal to the Third Eye," Bowser reflected, smirking. "Everyone knows he's got brain damage all over the place- apparently, they've even got a special bed at Umbrella hospital for him- same ward where they keep all the hopeless retards!" With this, he began making the stereotypical motions for mental illness- the banging of the chest, rolling eyes, et al.
At that moment, a boy in colored clothing and blue overalls, with a pronounced moustache, rushed forward and tackled Bowser to the ground, furiously punching, bashing, and shocking every inch of the turtle he could reach. Link and Zelda looked bewilderedly at each other, wondering how Mario had escaped their iron grip- but he hadn't. He was still between them, looking just as confused as they were. Reassessing the situation, they realized it was the last person they'd ever have expected to resort to violence- Luigi.
"You miserable dung heap, pile of worthless smeg, I'll teach you to disrespect-" is a toned down version of what the boy in green was yelling as he beat the unsuspecting turtle to a pulp. As everyone watched, members of both Nintendo and Sierra staring with their jaws on the ground, the unassuming boy was weaving a tapestry of obscenity that, rumor has it, still lingers over Lake Delfino to this day.
Finally, Mario and Link working together were able to pull their green friend away from Bowser, who was currently pressed into the floor of the mansion in his own personal crater, with two black eyes, a cracked tooth, a missing horn, and a definite look of 'what-the-smeg-just-happened.' Luigi, however, didn't seem to be finished- he was struggling to reach Bowser again with a look of ferocity completely alien to his face.
Abruptly, the door to the classroom opened, and perhaps the only being in the multiverse that could quench the sudden fire in Luigi's belly appeared- Wolf O'Donnell, glaring down at them, causing Luigi's red face to turn abruptly white as he suddenly fell, limp, into his friends' arms.
"The mouth on you, Mr. Luigi," Wolf snarled. "I can only assume it was Mario that taught you those words, and impressed upon you that it was okay to use them in such a way." Crossing the hall and pulling Bowser out of his crater, he snarled again, "Ten points from both of you- release him now, or you will be in detention with me next. Dragmire- Nurse Tessie. Everyone else- inside."
Bowser gave a lopsided smirk at Nintendo as he passed them for the medical wing- a smirk that really lost its effectiveness when he had to stop to spit out another tooth. Link and Zelda both stared at Luigi as they entered the classroom. "Luigi- are you... are you okay?" Link asked tentatively. Luigi didn't answer- he adjusted his cap to cover his face and walked inside, refusing to meet their eyes.
Mario ached for him- the truth was, he knew why Luigi had been set off that badly by Bowser's taunts. However, he didn't intend to speak up about it- it was pure happenstance that he'd discovered Luigi's secret, and he'd since promised the Master Hand to remain silent about it until Luigi was ready to speak about it himself. Even Luigi wasn't aware that there was another student in the mansion who knew why he really lived with his grandmother...
Finally, Mario finished his pre-class preparations, and looked up to see Wolf glowering at the class from the whiteboard up front. "The more astute and observant of you will notice," he snarled, "that we are not alone today."
Mario glanced around, and all his rage, previously quenched by pity for Luigi, returned. In the corner, notebook already out, banana-pen poised to write, was Fassad Yokuba. Well, this should be interesting- the duel of the monsters, Godzilla vs. King Ghidora. While it ate him up inside to admit it, it was Wolf he was rooting for here- at least the grey-furred anthro's detentions felt like actual detentions, not outtakes from A Clockwork Orange. Yeah, Mario could just imagine Fassad saying, 'Nothing teaches discipline and respect like a brain-erasing trance!'
"Today, we will be continuing our work on coffee power-ups," Wolf continued. "Specifically, the Hoolumbian, which increases the strength of the one who consumes it. Instructions on the board as usual- get to brewing!"
Everyone leapt to it. Mario kept his eyes on Fassad, waiting for the moment he would interrogate the anthro. He reached for the beans to be put into his drink, only for Zelda to interrupt him. "You want to at least try paying attention?" she hissed quietly. "You need Woo beans, not Hee beans!"
Finally, Fassad stood and headed up to Wolf's desk. "So, Mr. O'Donnell, this class seems fairly advanced for their grade."
"They should be, if they intend to meet my standards," Wolf growled.
"Nevertheless- Hoolumbian coffee, hm? A rather... advanced power-up for this level. On behalf of the government, I think that this power-up would be better off removed from the curriculum."
Mario, knowing and hating Wolf as he did, could read the anthro's expression like an open book- You don't tell me how to do my job, I won't tell you how to do yours, you boo-f&$*ing stalfo. However, the words that actually came out of his mouth were, "I shall take it... under advisement." Again, while Mario recognized this to mean, That suggestion is going right in the trash, Fassad seemed satisfied, nodding, grinning, and laughing his hateful laugh.
"Nwehehehe... So, how long have you been working here, exactly?"
"Fourteen years in total," Wolf answered curtly.
"But you initially had your eyes on the Protection from the Evils job, yes?"
Wolf's eyes narrowed- his well-known love of that job was also a well-known sore spot for him. "I... did."
"But you have been thus far unsuccessful?"
Wolf closed his eyes, and again, Mario thought he could hear what he really wanted to say- Ya think so, smeg-for-brains? However, what he actually said was, "That is what the evidence would seem to point to..."
"And why, do you think, is the Master Hand so keen on keeping you from your dream job?"
"The Master Hand's reasons are his own- it is not my place to question him." As with Kjelle, Mario could tell Fassad wasn't getting the full story, but Fassad seemed placated. "Is there any particular reason you are so determined to dig up my old memories?" Wolf asked.
"No reason in particular," Fassad shrugged. "We at the government merely wish to have a firm understanding of the teachers' backgrounds. Well, I think that wraps us up here- I'll be sure to have your results back to you in a fortnight."
"I can hardly wait," Wolf growled gently as Fassad stalked out of the dungeon.
XXXX
Wolf, as he was wont to do, provided his students with a boatload of homework- so much that Mario was halfway tempted to skip psychic powers and work on power-ups instead. Zelda, however, got her 'no-arguing-with-me-on-this-one' look and said, "Under normal circumstances, I'd say 'go right ahead- you're not losing anything skipping out on that fraud anyways,' but not today- after already skipping Andonut's class, you're already walking a thin line."
Mario hated to do it, but he had to concede that point, and so it came to be that he and Link met up with Luigi and Ness in the mansion's attic.
When Lucario appeared, an aura of sheer gloom hung over him. Your books, my children- take out your books, he groaned as he floated to his chair at the front of the room. I only pray that I am not such a terrible influence upon you as to drain all knowledge from your brains in my presence...
"What's with him?" Link whispered to Mario.
"Well, I'm no expert," he whispered back, "but if I had to guess, I'd say he got his results."
Saria Kokiri, who, along with Ilia Ordona, was a longtime fan of this teacher, raised her hand tentatively. "Sir, is something wrong?"
Nothing is wrong, my dear girl, Lucario thought heavily. Nothing is wrong- God is in heaven, all is right with the world. It is the lot of substandard teachers such as myself to face the slings and arrows of misfortune, you see. That I have spent sixteen years devoted to this job, to the well-being of the students who came to learn from me... well, that has no relevance now, does it?
"Was it... was it Fassad-" Saria began, but Lucario recoiled, much as many smashers did at Tabuu's name.
Dear, speak not the name, speak not the name! A foul creature has entered our midst, and we are ill-equipped to deal with it! Please, lest he be watching, continue your work!
Lucario's confidence seemed to be sapped- he didn't make one ominous prediction about Mario the whole class, which would normally comfort him, but now...
XXXX
Mario was even more disgusted next period, when they entered Fassad's class and saw him smirking, chortling as he munched on a banana.
That class was the most dull, uneventful class of Mario's life- he simply couldn't stand attempting to read Sarkeesian's work, and resorted to staring at the pages, observing the shapes of the letters. At one point, Zelda raised her hand, only for Mario, noticing trends, to force it back down again.
XXXX
"Well, Smash-Up practice is cancelled," Kumatora muttered gloomily.
"What? But why?!" Mario asked, aghast. "I kept calm all through his class today- I swear!"
"As my hand can attest to," Zelda muttered resentfully, rubbing the area where he'd burned her hand to keep it away from the air.
"I believe you," Kumatora nodded, setting Mario on edge- he'd never seen her this down in the dumps. "But that... that fat bastard said he needed to consider it a bit."
"What, after giving Sierra permission right away?" Link snarled.
"It's a weapon," Mario growled, anger flowing freely through him. "He thinks Nintendo is the group most likely to call him on his BS, so he's holding this over us as long as he can."
Kumatora sighed. "Well, we'd better get to work on finding a place for the brigade to meet up- the sooner the better. When I find whoever squealed..." She shook her head forlornly, turning and loping away.
XXXX
As Mario and co. returned to the hub that night, he found it difficult to believe he'd been fine and dandy that morning. Now all he had to do was work on his power-ups homework, hoping that Roy turned up in the sink sooner, rather than later.
Time slowed to a crawl- it was the months before Xenoblade X's release all over again- or maybe I'm projecting a little bit. Okay, it was like waiting for Mother 4- I think most people can relate to that. Unless you've never heard of Mother 4, in which case- sorry, I'm rambling. Forget this paragraph ever existed.
Time slowed to a crawl- each second seemed to last an hour or so whenever Mario glanced at the clock. 4:30... five hundred years later, 4:45, and who knew how late it would be before Roy was secure in appearing again...
At long last, at around 8:00, after everyone else had gone to bed, Link rose to his feet, sighing heavily as he crossed the room to splash some water on his face. However, the faucet turned on without his input, causing him a brief moment of panic before he realized- "Strider!"
In a second, Mario and Zelda were on their feet as well and gathering around the sink- and the beaming water-face of Roy Alluvia.
"I've never been so happy to see you," Mario grinned.
"I'd say the feeling's mutual, but I think the time I was happiest to see you was back in Spooky's House of Jumpscares," Roy grinned. "So, waste no time- tell me what's going on?"
"Things are going right down the tubes," Mario admitted heavily. "Fassad's introduced a new rule- all Smash-Up teams have been disbanded-"
"As have any brigades dedicated to teaching Protection from the Evils, amirite?" Roy smirked.
Silence fell. Zelda broke it. "How- how did you-"
"You could use a crash course in choosing secret places to meet," Roy's smirk deepened. "Borscht Inn? Is it any wonder Fassad found out?"
"But- but-" Zelda stammered, searching for the words to defend herself. "It's always practically empty- Colony 6 is always jam-packed-"
"Which would make it pretty difficult for any eavesdroppers to hear about the 'Spreading smashing all Over the world with the Master Hand Brigade,' right?" Roy pointed out. "But at Borscht, anyone who was there could hear you loud and clear- as did Kamek."
"Kamek?" Mario asked, aghast. "Is he still following me?"
"Actually, no, it was a coincidence," Roy shrugged. "He likes to frequent that inn- the only reason he was in disguise was his... history... with the barman- Mr... Wright, I think. That guy never forgets- especially with someone like Kamek- so whenever he stops in there for a drink, he's got to take some transformo-candy first. That said, could you really blame us for keeping an eye on you, when the first thing you do on your first Kurain weekend is go and start a secret organization?"
Mario searched his godfather's watery eyes for signs of reproach, but no- if anything, he looked proud. "Now, to get the negative smeg out of the way first," the red-head continued. "Link, a message from Uli- paraphrased slightly, 'If you actually join such a ridiculous group, there will be consequences. If Fassad were to find out, you'll almost definitely be expelled, and your future will go straight down the gutter.' She also wanted me to pass that to Mario and Zelda, though she acknowledged she doesn't have direct authority over them. Next time you have a chance, let her know I told you that, okay? Something tells me she doesn't trust me to actually pass that on..."
"So you want to nix the SOM Brigade right now?" Mario asked heavily.
"Me? Smeg no!" Roy shook his head fervently. "Just a messenger- if you want to know what I think, I say 'Full steam ahead!' It's exactly what me, Jake, and Fox would have done if we were there!"
"You just..." Mario stammered, searching for the proper words. "After all those words of caution last year..."
"When we were decently certain there was a crazed butt-stabber in the mansion, yeah," Roy nodded. "This year, we know for a fact that there is a crazed butt-stabber on the outside of the mansion, so learning to protect yourselves seems like a pretty good idea, if you ask me!"
"But what if we do get expelled?" Zelda asked tentatively.
Mario stared at her. "After all the pushing you did to get this thing started?"
"I just want another opinion!" Zelda shrugged.
"Strider's opinion is as follows:" Roy spoke. "Better expelled from school ready to fight off the starmen than remain safe in school, the starmen ready to take you out as soon as you leave it."
"An excellent point!" Link nodded enthusiastically.
"So, spill some of the finer details, why don't ya?" Roy asked eagerly. "Where ya meetin'?"
Silence fell again. Mario shook his head slowly. "We... we don't actually know that yet..."
"Hmm... I see..." Roy muttered. "How about Spooky's House of Jumpscares?"
"I doubt it would work," Mario shook his head again. "Did Kamek tell you how many students are joining the Brigade?"
"He was pretty vague on that..."
"Twenty-eight," Mario recalled. "Pushing thirty, if Lucina was right about Shulk and Fiora joining."
"I see," Roy shook his head. "Yeah, maybe if it was Spooky's Gymnasium of Jumpscares... well, this is a conundrum. Tell you what, I'll give it a good, long think, and if I come up with something, I'll- smeg!"
Mario and the others blinked at Roy's abrupt curse- he was looking off to his right, suddenly panicking. "Roy?" Zelda asked, but before they could say anything, his face had collapsed back into the water.
"So, what was that-" Link started to ask, only to recoil in horror, the cause clear- another figure had risen from the water- a large, chubby hand, clutching a banana-pen between its pinky and ring fingers, snatching desperately at where Roy had been seconds before. Mario quickly motioned with his eyes for everyone to head up to bed, which they did without objection, not stopping to glance at the horror in the sink, where Fassad was continuing to swipe around the bowl, searching for the one who got away.
XXXX
Sorry about that break there- hit a bit of a slump. Not even picking up with a particularly long chapter... Should be picking up again next chapter, though- what with the DA/ SOM Brigade coming in and all. Also, with October coming up, I'm getting started on my annual horror binge- Marble Hornets, Eternal Darkness, Poltergeist, Luigi's Mansion, might throw in a bit of Bioshock for funsies... so if references to that kind of stuff becomes predominant over the next couple months or so, now you'll know why. Off to watch Always Watching- A Marble Hornets Story, the movie they made of that first series. Hope to see you later this week, maybe next week- until then, please R&R, constructive criticism welcome, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out.