Gamer4 in. Well, how's this for a great marketing tactic- albeit something that happened a while back. I first got interested in the Bayonetta series because she was added to Smash Bros. Wii U- albeit as DLC. Several months later, I bought Bayonetta's DLC because I liked her home series- and because I could get Corrin at the same time. That's probably indicative of something, but I'm too busy rocking out to the Bayonetta remix of Fly Me to the Moon to think what. Anyways, nothing to do with this chapter, just a random anecdote- let's get to the main act, shall we?

Disclaimer: While the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown! The courtroom was adjourned- no verdict was returned!

Chapter XVIII

A Brigade of Their Own

"There is only one person among us who could have attacked Parakarry, Mario. Someone who snatched your albatross out of the air, read the letter it was carrying, and deduced that Strider would be popping out of our sink at the time he did... AND THAT PERSON IS YOU!"

Zelda spun around, pointing dramatically at... Luigi's bulbous nose. Luigi started, nearly falling out of his chair. "Wh-what are you guys talking about again?"

Zelda blushed furiously, slowly lowering her hand. "Sorry, Lu, I got carried away for a second there."

"She's been playing a bit much Professor Layton lately," Link nodded his confirmation.

"Okay," Luigi shrugged, returning to his work- pointing a strange, rod-like device at a Jigglypuff that had already begun to sing. "Oh, crud..."

Mario, Link, and Zelda swiftly stuffed their fingers into their ears to block out Jigglypuff's low crooning, but it was too late for the green-clad plumber, whose eyes began to hopelessly droop. When Jigglypuff eventually noticed and pulled out her infamous marker, the three finally felt safe to unplug their ears and resume their conversation.

Needless to say, this was during a particularly hectic Weapons class- every student had been given an animal of some sort, as well as a device known as a Silencing Joking Weaselwasher- SJW for short. (No, nobody knows who named them, only that they were most assuredly high on something.) The only indicative part of the name was the Silencing part- the purpose of the SJW was to silence anything it was pointed at. Unfortunately, it seemed Luigi hadn't activated his quite in time.

"So, I'm guessing the real person you meant to finger was Fassad," Mario noted as he brandished his personal rod at his personal overlarge toad wearing a cape, crown, and gold pendant around its neck- seemingly to no effect whatsoever.

"Of course," Zelda nodded fervently. "Honestly, I thought something was up from the moment I noticed that ketchup on his tie-"

"Tie?" Link asked, flushed red with frustration due to his consistent failure to silence his fairy- a round light with wings.* Raising his voice above the cries of "Hey, listen, hey, hey, listen!", he spoke, "Fassad doesn't wear a tie!"

"Sorry, got carried away again," Zelda blushed deeper. "What I meant to say was, I suspected him as soon as you told us that story about Mido trying to take your mail. Something about you ordering drugs?" She raised her eyebrow at Mario.

"Yeah, but like I said, I don't do drugs," Mario repeated. "I'm a cool kid." He put on a pair of sunglasses, doing his best to imitate the worst of the worst anti-drug PSAs he'd ever seen. Zelda shook her head, wrenching the sunglasses away from him and feeding it to the baby wyvern in front of her, already completely silenced- naturally.

"The point is, it was such a dumb prank, even by Bowser's standards," Zelda explained her line of logic. "As soon as it was read, it would be pretty obvious it was just a regular letter- not really anything damaging to you, more of a minor, temporary inconvenience than anything else. But what if whoever tipped Mido off had a different motive- not to prank you, but just to get your mail into their hands? As for knowing the place and time- well, like I said last chapter, ten to one, Fassad's got people watching the Warp Zone Network..."

"It was a close call either way," Link frowned, stubbornly waving his SJW through the air as hard as he could, still doing nothing to silence the fairy's squeaky voice. "If he'd noticed two seconds later, he'd already be back in Subspace- and Wave Existence alone knows what the Tribune would make of Strider being found in correspondence with the Smash Mansion."

Zelda gave an agreeing shudder. Seeing Link's continuous failed attempts, she put one hand gently over his. "No, no, don't wave it- more like you're stabbing..."

Link grumbled a bit at having to accept still more help from Zelda, but did as she suggested, jabbing the fairy straight through with the SJW. Everything seemed to come to a screeching halt, until the fairy, against all odds, began to speak, her voice steadily increasing in volume and pitch. "Hey, listen... hey, listen, hey, listen, HEY, LISTEN, HEY, LIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

The windows of the room shattered, prompting every single animal within to dive straight out, fleeing from the horde of students attempting to silence them. Everything was quiet for a long, long time as everyone turned to stare at the red-faced swordsman.

Finally, Zelda spoke. "I didn't mean to actually stab it..."

XXXX

Of all the mansion's numerous residents, there was one that stood out from all the rest- and not in a good way. This resident was, of course, the Boo, member of a strange species of living ghosts called- wouldn't you know it- boos. Being the only member of his race at the mansion, however, most simply referred to him as... well, the Boo. The Boo was quite the prankster- he delighted in ruining the days of all the mansion's residents, terrorizing everyone to just the extent that he could get away with, without ever crossing the line that would get him exorcized from the premises. To an extent, this was good- most boos weren't nearly as scrupulous, freely killing people in grisly ways and inspiring several low-budget horror movies with no better reason than 'It amused me,' while their Boo stuck mostly to lighthearted, non-life-threatening trolling, but, of course, that didn't mean that he particularly endeared himself to his victims.

Why do we bring this up now? Well, it's come to our attention that we mentioned the Boo in an earlier chapter, but neglected to actually describe who he was. And without that brief description, it would make no sense when we told you that, upon entering the Dining hall for lunch, Mario's first instinct was to throw a fireball at the round white spirit near the ceiling just before it could throw a water balloon filled with paint at him- one of an arsenal that he was pulling from the tops of several pillars. How, then, did Mario know it was paint? Because the Boo, pushed away from Nintendo, flew over to Sierra and tossed it down on an unsuspecting Robin, who leapt to his feet and turned, red-faced in more ways than one, on the spirit and began shouting abuse at him.

Mario was about to bite into a large peanut-butter-and-honey sandwich, a favorite of his, when Kumatora appeared behind him, pulling both him and Link into her embrace. "Smash-Up is back on!" she cheered, looking happier than ever he'd seen her. "Went to Samus, told her what was going on, and mysteriously, a day or two later, Fassad comes to me and hands me the documents certifying the Nintendo Smash-Up team as pure, non-problematic, and ready to play!"

"Glad to hear it," Mario chuckled, trying to pull himself from her vicelike grip. "Mind if I eat my sandwich?"

Kumatora nodded genially, releasing them at last. "Alright, to business- everyone's gonna be at the stadium at 7- come rain or sleet or snow, we need to get to practicing- our first match is coming right up on us!" Lowering her voice conspiratorially, she added, "Incidentally, any news on the... you know..."

"Haven't found a place yet," Mario whispered back. "Don't worry, we're working on it."

"Good," Kumatora nodded. "Sooner we get to work training, the better." Raising her voice again, she gave them an offhand salute. "Welp, off to let the others know!"

Mario and Link returned her offhand salute, before the latter turned to the former with a small frown. "That's right, we're supposed to be thinking of a place for the Brigade to meet, aren't we? Strider said he'd look into it, but even if he comes up with something, I don't see how he can let us know now."

Mario cursed softly. "You're right... I didn't realize... but still, he might find some way... a coded letter, get someone else to use the Warp Zone... what do you think, Zelda?"

Both boys turned to her, only to find her still gazing off into space. "...Zelda?" Link prompted softly.

"Huh?" Zelda grunted, turning to see them. "What were we talking about?"

"The Brigade," Mario recalled exasperatedly. "Wondering where the heck we're going to meet."

"Oh," Zelda nodded. "I... I was thinking about the Brigade, too... but in a different way..."

"What kind of different way?" Mario prompted, eyebrows going up.

"Well... it... it is the right thing to do, isn't it?"

Link's jaw dropped. "You're second-guessing yourself now? You're second-guessing a group you started now, and it's not SOYLENT?"

"Hey, SOYLENT is a great idea, and I'll keep saying that 'til the day I die," Zelda crossed her arms. "Look, I know I'm the one who pushed it so hard in the first place, but now that we've talked to Strider..."

"What do you mean, 'now that we've talked to Strider,'?" Mario asked, staring. "He threw his whole support behind it!"

"Yeah, and that's... that's kind of the problem..." Zelda lowered her head as she spoke, allowing the shadow of a passing Boo to cross her eyes. The shadow eventually lifted when the spherical spirit moved back to Sierra, where Robin and Waluigi were ready and waiting with forks and knives to toss back at their assailant, as Lucina attempted to eat in peace.

Anger was coursing through Mario's veins, but being that this was Zelda he was dealing with, rather than, say, Bowser, he did his best to hold back. "So, let me get this straight," he struggled to keep his voice even. "Originally, you throw all your support behind this idea, pushing it when Link and I are doubtful, but the moment that Strider agrees that it's a good plan, now you're withdrawing?"

"In which case, would you shut down SOYLENT if we got enough members? Because if so, I promise to be much more active," Link put in, attempting to lighten the mood a little.

Zelda shot a glare at Link, then an apologetic expression at Mario. "The thing is... especially around you... Strider doesn't tend to... well... have the best... judgement." She spoke carefully, clearly weighing every word before allowing it to leave her mouth.

"But he's always given us great advice before," Mario pointed out. "It was just a fluke that he's not the one who got me through the first trial last year, remember?"

As Zelda carefully considered her next response, a paint balloon finally, inevitably, made its mark on the back of Lucina's head. Swiftly, she turned around, drawing her falchion, all the power and might of both the light and dark dragons coursing through her, causing her to brim with so much power that her hair lifted up, along with the dishes and utensils surrounding her...

Only for the whole show to be silenced when another paint balloon smacked her in the face.

Finally, Zelda spoke again. "It's... it's like he said. What we're doing... it's exactly what he'd do in our situation. When you take that, and the fact that he's desperate to do anything, being cooped up at Silent Hill at the time... he wants to make a decision for us, and he might be throwing caution to the wind a bit, trying to do something, anything..."

"Once again, ladies and gentlemen, Zelda 'Glass-Half-Empty' Hyrule," Link shook his head. Zelda would have responded, but the war between the three Sierras and the Boo was beginning to spread across the entire hall, prompting them to make a quick exit.

XXXX

Despite their initial eagerness to return to Smash-Up practice, Mario and Link were much less inclined to get back in the saddle again when they saw the downpour going on outside. And yes, they had saddles in their karts, shut up, don't judge them. When they got out onto the field alongside their fellow teammates (short one captain,) none of the others looked particularly thrilled to be there, either. "Figures, just figures," Meta shook his head. "First practice session since Fassad got his grubby hands on the Smash Mansion rulebook, and we have to spend it out in the middle of Hurricane Herman."

"Hurricane Herman..." Yukiko Amagi mused, causing everyone to flinch as they turned to her, awaiting the inevitable storm of laughter. However, it never came- Yukiko shook her head, her long, sopping hair flopping around in front of her face. "It's too cold and wet to laugh..."

"Belay that talk!" barked Kumatora as she arrived on the scene, arms crossed. "True, these aren't ideal conditions, but they're the exact conditions we'll likely be going up against Sierra in, so we need to get used to it ASAP! If anyone feels like they're in danger of pneumonia, just go up to Mario, he'll warm you right back up again!"

"I forgot the cold doesn't mean much to some of us," Paula muttered, throwing a jealous look at the water evaporating immediately on contact with the pyromancer's skin. Kumatora, however, seemed intrigued.

"You know, I didn't even think about it, but if you do that during the game, make some steam to cover yourself up..." Abruptly, she stopped, shaking her head. "Nah, that's low, and we won't be sinking to Sierra's standards. Alright, people, get out there!"

A few moments later, Mario obligingly started up his kart and took off through the gale. However, warm though his pyromancer powers kept him, it did little to improve his vision- he could barely see past the hood of his Wild Wing, leading to what had to be his most frightening moment during practice- almost being crushed by a wild Chain Chomp, only narrowly managing to escape the gnashing teeth. Knowledge of what everyone else was doing was out the window- they could easily be in combat with a giant, two-headed dragon angel at the moment without him being any the wiser.

It was probably their best practice session yet- not that that was saying much- but also their shortest. After only an hour, Kumatora drove around to each of them individually to let them know they were finally throwing in the towel- the rain made it unfeasible to call out to everyone at once.

While everyone else headed to the locker rooms, Link rushed over to Mario. "Hey, buddy, you mind... um..."

"Yeah, no problem," Mario sighed, pulling his friend near and cranking up his body heat, leaving Link to sigh contentedly, rubbing his hands and facing them towards Mario like he was a campfire. Mario was on the point of laughing when a sudden pain coursed through the M-shaped cut on his forehead. "Ah! Son of a-"

"Whoa, what is it?" Link asked, taking a step back. "I don't smell that bad, do I?"

"Like a wet dog," Mario muttered. "No, that's not it... it was..."

Link closed his eyes. "The scar?"

"...Yeah."

Link looked around self-consciously. "He... he's not here, right?"

"No, I... I don't think so," Mario shook his head, waving his hand for them to head towards the locker room. "If I had to guess... I'd say it's... it's because... he's mad." Mario blinked- where had that come from? That was hardly what he'd meant to say- he hadn't been planning that sentence out when he began- and yet, he knew it was true. Tabuu, wherever he may be, was in a flying fury.

"How d'you know that?" Link raised an eyebrow. "What, did you get a... a vision or something?"

"No, I... I didn't see anything," Mario shook his head. "Just... just a feeling... he's getting impatient..." He closed his eyes, rubbing them with his hands, when abruptly, he seemed to be swept away to somewhere else- while most of his senses remained on the Smash-Up field with Link, his sight went away, to himself sitting on a chair, slowly standing up and glowering before him.

"Fine," spoke a cruel voice that refused to fix itself to one pitch or tone, "I'll do it myself."

Mario looked up. "Okay, there was the vision. He wants something done, but it's not happening fast enough."

"Is that what it was back with Fassad?" Link asked, opening up the door to the already-empty locker rooms and allowing his friend in first, where he collapsed on a bench.

"No, it was... it was something else then," Mario shook his head. "Back then, he was... he was happy. Something good was happening, something... I don't know, just something good."

Link's jaw dropped. "Well, if there was ever a reason to head to the Master Hand, this is-

"

"No," Mario cut him off severely. "I already told you, I'm not going to the Master Hand."

"Mario, you can see into the Great Darkness's mind!" Link objected. "You don't think that's worth-"

"I'm not reading his mind," Mario shook his head. "If anything, I'm just a glorified mood ring- I can tell you how he feels, and a little bit about why he feels that way, but aside from that..."

Link shook his head. "What about Strider, then? You told him about your scar hurting last summer, didn't you?"

"Wish I could," Mario shook his head. "But how am I going to get a message to him without that fat bastard finding out too?"

"Well, the Master Hand might have a way..." Link noted suggestively.

Mario shook his head. "We need to get back to the hub- Pikachu's homework isn't going to do itself."

Link stood there for a moment, looking like he wanted to argue the point. Finally, he simply shook his head. "That's what she said," he muttered, giving a slight smile as he pulled Mario up and led him back to the Smash Mansion.

XXXX

Mario... was tired. Incredibly tired. Horribly tired. The rings under his eyes were developing rings of their own. Link had thrown in the towel on homework a ways back, but Mario was stubborn- he wasn't going to bed until this essay for Pikachu was complete. He thought as he gazed upon a laptop with but one paragraph entered into it that he was fairly certain he'd have to rewrite- somehow, he didn't think a dissertation about what not to do at stoplights was what the lightning pokemon had in mind.

Listlessly, he struggled to put anything that sounded vaguely academic into the computer, but his eyes were beginning to droop, his consciousness, entirely against his will, was beginning to fade...

And he was walking along a dark corridor- a very dark corridor. He could see the door at the end of the hall, just waiting to be opened. The thing he desired for so long lay behind that door, he was certain of it...

"Mario Mario!"

Mario awoke and nearly fell out of his chair as he violently looked around for the person who'd so rudely awakened him. He quickly adjusted the hat on his head and snapped his fingers, summoning a handful of fire to see by, scanning the room for a moment, not immediately seeing anything, until...

"Yoshi has come to return Mario Mario's albatross!" the squeaky voice repeated. Mario turned and saw a yoshi standing there- a very familiar yoshi. The yoshi, more specifically, who bore the name... Yoshi. He looked just as he had the previous year, happy and carefree, except for once, the saddle upon the yoshi's back bore a rider- a very joyous looking albatross...

"Parakarry!" Mario grinned, raising his arm for Parakarry to swoop over to, where he was greeted with several loving strokes. "All better, huh?" he murmured, before allowing Parakarry to alight on the arm of his chair, giving the pyromancer free reign to turn to the dinosaur-dragon creature. "Big thanks, Yoshi. Man, it's been a while..."

"Yoshi can't but agree, Mario Mario," Yoshi nodded fervently. "Yoshi has been looking forward to meeting Mario Mario once more- along with the fine works of poetry, it has served as the prime reason for Yoshi to come up and attend to the Nintendo hub every night!"

"Poet- Yoshi, you've been taking Zelda's poems?"

"Indeed, sir, Yoshi has!" Yoshi nodded again. "Yoshi has enjoyed watching the young High-Rule grow better and better and summoning emotion through simple words as the year has passed... he has also presented some to Birdo, however..." Thought of the pink, deformed yoshi seemed to be causing Yoshi pain, so Mario decided to not press any further. Is the word 'yoshi' starting to sound weird to anyone yet?

"So, the other yoshis..." Mario surmised, only for Yoshi to confirm his suspicions with yet another nod.

"They take great offense, Mario Mario. Yoshi is the only one willing to clean these chambers anymore- not that Yoshi minds. Yoshi knew that, if he kept at it, one day, he'd meet Mario Mario, and at last, that day has come!" Yoshi grinned at Mario, only for the grin to slide away when he saw Mario's brooding face. "And yet, Mario Mario seems... unhappy. Yoshi wishes nothing more than to assist... Mario Mario has done so much for Yoshi, Yoshi wants nothing more than to repay him..."

Mario thought of everything, his hatred for Fassad, this strange bond between himself and Tabuu... and shook his head. "Sorry, Yoshter, but the problems I'm having aren't anything you can help with. I appreciate the offer, though- always glad to... to..."

"Mario Mario?" Yoshi asked confusedly.

Mario wanted to smack himself- of course there was something Yoshi could help with! "Wait, Yoshi!" he raised his voice, startling the dragon... dinosaur... horse... thing. "There... there is one thing..."

"Ask, Mario Mario, and you shall receive!" Yoshi's eyes brightened considerably.

"We're forming a club," Mario began.

"Mario Mario, High-Rule, and the Fair One?" Yoshi's eyes widened.

"Well, yeah, us... and about thirty other students," Mario nodded. "Unfortunately, this isn't the kind of club that will ever get Fassad's approval, so we need to meet in secret. This'll be a pretty active club, too, so it can't just be some classroom where we could sit for an hour every week- do you have anything that fits those standards?"

Yoshi's jaw dropped, causing Mario to silently begin sulking. Then again, perhaps he was asking too much- his thoughts ceased as Yoshi's jaw re-affixed itself, and broke into an enormous grin. "Yoshi knows exactly the place! When Yoshi first arrived at the Smash Mansion, he thought it just a rumor amongst the yoshis working the kitchens, but has since learned better- tales of a strange room concealed within the mansion, known only as... the Debug Room!"

"The- the Debug Room?" Mario asked, taken aback.

"A chamber in which the normal laws of the world need not apply- in which anything and everything becomes possible," Yoshi explained. "When summoned forth by those who seek it, it molds itself to fit the needs of those who discovered it! Yoshi happened upon it once, when seeking a place for Birdo to sleep off a night of crazed Mountain Dew binging. Since then, Yoshi has tested again and again, and has yet to be disappointed- ask, and the Debug Room provides!"

Mario straightened up- such a thing sounded too good to be true, and yet, he doubted Yoshi could ever find it in himself to lie to him...

"How many people know about this place?"

"Hardly any," Yoshi confirmed. "Most people stumble upon it by accident, and never discover it again! Had Yoshi not heard the rumors, he likely would have never found it again either. But Yoshi assures Mario Mario, it is there, always waiting for someone to come along and give it form through their desires!"

Mario thought for a moment. Yoshi sounded confident, but a part of Mario remained skeptical that such an amazing room could exist- while he trusted Yoshi absolutely, the skeptical portion of him still demanded that he confirm this all with his own eyes before making plans for the Brigade. "Alright, when can you show me this place?"

"Any time will work for Yoshi!" Yoshi chirped, dancing in place- a strange dance that made it seem as though he was chasing his tail. "Yoshi is ready to go now, if Mario Mario wishes!"

Mario was prepared to go right that second... but then, he sat down, the rational part of his brain, the part that spoke in Zelda's voice, taking over. When he really thought about it, he was walking a thin line with Fassad as it was- he had this one chance to find a perfect place for the SOM Brigade to train- perhaps it wasn't best to do it in the middle of the night, while exhausted, with Fassad on high alert for anyone breaking his rules.

"No... not tonight. I need to talk to Link and Zelda, make a plan... if I need more details, I'll call you, don't worry, but until then, can you just tell me where it is?"

XXXX

The rain still had yet to cease by the next afternoon's Smashing Flora class, leading to Link and Zelda sticking close to Mario for warmth as they crossed the lawn. He didn't mind- it had been odd the first few months, but since the early days of his second year, he'd become accustomed to people- Link and Zelda in particular- treating him as a portable fireplace. When they next arrived at Crazy's cabin for Smashing Creatures, Kjelle quickly escorted them into the mansion, where they held that class in an unused classroom- though several students had had to unite at one point to pull Kjelle out of the mud she sank in at one point, groaning as they struggled to lift her and her full suit of armor.

The extremely inhospitable outside conditions in mind, Mario was intensely relieved when Kumatora announced that Smash-Up practice was cancelled that day.

"Music to my ears," he grinned, and before Kumatora could rage, he quickly added, "And not for the reason you think. We found a place for the Brigade to meet up- tonight, 8:00, 23rd floor, right across from that mural of the Warp Zone. Let everyone else know?"

"On it," Kumatora nodded eagerly. "Oh, I only wish I could see Fassad's face..."

"Kind of counter-productive to the whole 'secret' thing, huh?" Mario pointed out before smirking. "Oh, and by the way, best start treating me better during Smash-Up practice- at the Brigade, I'm the boss."

It was a joke, and Kumatora took it as one, smirking right back. "Oh, look who think's he's the big-shot, huh?" Drawing very close to his face, she whispered, "Just remember, whatever Mario Mario thinks he can do... KUMATORA CAN DO DOUBLE!"

With that, she turned and headed off towards where Paula and Ness were sitting, leaving Mario to rub a finger in his ringing ears. As he gazed around, he saw Zelda's mouth moving, but couldn't make out the words. When his hearing finally returned, he quickly said, "Sorry, what was that?"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "I said, you're sure about this? This whole thing sounds pretty far-fetched, and Yoshi has been known to come up with some kooky ideas in the past..."

"He has," Mario nodded. "Which makes it fortunate that this isn't the first I've heard of it- last year, at the Festival, the Master Hand mentioned something similar- he called it the Room of Requirement, but semantics aside, it was the same thing."

"Glad we have Yoshi's name," Link smiled. "Room of Requirement? That's such a dumb name."

"So true," Mario nodded. "'Debug Room' is so much better."

"I'm not sure of that," Zelda shook her head skeptically.

"Now you're distrusting the Master Hand?" Mario asked, taken aback.

"Oh, no, I'm all behind the room now," Zelda clarified. "On the naming issue, however..."

XXXX

And so it came to be that the rest of the day was spent ensuring that every member of the SOM Brigade, those who had been at the initial meeting as well as those who'd slept in, were made aware of the meeting place and time. Mario's sole regret was that Tharja managed to get the news to Pauline before he did, adding another check to his list of reasons to distrust the dark sorceress.

XXXX

"So, they have found a new place to practice..."

"Indeed. It is a most wondrous room, capable of bending itself to-"

"I know about the Debug Room. You need not explain it."

"You- you knew of this room?"

"I did indeed- my comrades and I used it ourselves when we attended the mansion."

"Then why did you not tell me?"

"It was something Mario Mario had to find for himself- if one of his Brigade appeared to know more than they should, it would raise suspicion- and that is something we cannot afford."

"Still, I cannot help but wonder..."

"I have already made my reasons clear."

"... Of course. I... apologize for my transgressions."

"Yet again, there is nothing to forgive- you may feel free to question me at any time, as long as your task is fulfilled."

"And fulfilled it shall be."

XXXX

And so it came to be that, at 7:30, the Smash Mansion 'Golden Trio' left their hub, Mario carrying two items with him for emergency use- his invisibility blanket, and the Bomber's Guide to the Smash Mansion, an amazing map that not only allowed one to view a map of the entire mansion in detail, in the fashion of a video game map, but also had multicolored, labeled arrows showing each and every person within the house's boundaries, what they were doing, which way they were facing, and even whether or not their eyes were closed. Despite being Orwell's nightmare, Mario liked to think he generally used it for good- or the Golden Trio's warped version of good, at least. "Alright, the path's clear," he announced, reading the map by Zelda's fireball. "Let's go!"

After a great deal of climbing down stairs, they finally found themselves next to a blocky, pixelated mural of the famed Warp Zone, the inspiration for the Warp Zone Network, with three pipes leading to different worlds. Across the hall, a simple bare stretch of wall. "Alright, according to Yoshi, we need to stand in front of this, thinking of exactly what we need, and sing, hum, and/or whistle Fly Me to the Moon."

"The ending theme from Neon Genesis Evangelion?" Zelda asked, surprised.

"I knew it more as Bayonetta's favorite song," Link shrugged. "I wonder if she ever used this place."

"Oh, you know my mother?" spoke a raspy voice out of the darkness, causing everyone to spin around in fear- only to realize the unexpected fourth person in the hall was Tharja- though it was initially hard to see her past the multiple blaring neon arrows pointing directly at her, with the word 'TRAITOR, TRAITOR, TRAITOR' flashing repeatedly over her head. "Sorry about these," she muttered, summoning dark magic to banish the arrows and words. "I don't know what is wrong with those arrows, they just keep following me around..."

"Didn't see you there, Tharja," Link greeted her. "Nice to see you!"

"Wish I could say the same," Mario muttered, too quiet for anyone else to hear, but Tharja narrowed her eyes nonetheless.

"Is Robin here yet?"

"No, but he should be here soon enough," Zelda shook her head. "Is he why you're here so early?"

"No, I merely had some... business... in the aviary," Tharja shook her head, before beginning to cackle. Abruptly, she pulled out an inhaler, pushed it into her mouth, and took a deep breath. "Sorry about that."

Mario flinched- he knew another smasher that had to periodically take a pull from an inhaler, but to keep his grouching under control, not evil cackling...

"We are glad to have you on the team, Tharja!" Link thumped her on the back, turning to stare at Mario. "See, Mario, how devoted!"

"Oh, yes... devoted," Tharja nodded, a dark smirk gracing her face. "Simply... devoted."

Mario shook his head. "Whatever, let's get this room open. Like I was saying, think hard on what we need, and sing Fly Me to the Moon."

All four turned to the bare wall, and a dull, quiet quartet echoed through the halls. "Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars," Zelda sang gently.

"Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars," Link crooned.

"In other words, hold my hand," Tharja muttered, clutching her tome to her chest, thinking of Robin. "In other words, darling kiss me..."

"Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore," Mario deadpanned. "You are all I long for, all I worship and adore."

"In other words, please be true," they all prepared the finale. "In other words, I love you."

Abruptly, out of nowhere, a large pair of black double doors appeared in front of them. Mario tentatively reached out and pushed it open, revealing a large room of stone, rows of bookshelves along the walls, loaded with many, many tomes of what Mario could only assume were books on Protection from the Evils. One wall had a whiteboard and a plasma-screen television, and across the floors were several mats that would no doubt come in handy when sparring time came along.

Zelda's jaw was on the ground, Link was sprinting around like an overexcited child, and Tharja had already chosen a dark corner to withdraw into. Mario chose to focus on Zelda first. "This... this is amazing!" Zelda grinned as she ran a finger along the spines of one set of books. "These books are universally acclaimed for how they handle Protection from the Evils- and when the smasher world says 'universally acclaimed,' we mean it!"

"In other words, please be true! In other words, I love you!" came a quintet of voices from the door, which opened again to reveal Ness, Saria, Peach, Luigi, and Ilia. Ness looked impressed. "Dang, boy, you found quite the place for us to throw down, alright!"

"How- how'd you even find this place?" Luigi asked, mouth open in awe.

Mario would have explained, but decided to wait until the entire Brigade was present- no point in going over it again and again, after all. He started to regret this decision as the room filled up more and more, eventually becoming even more packed than the Borscht Inn- Shulk, Reyn, and Fiora had managed to come by after all.

Nonetheless, now being the face of the Brigade, he decided it was on him to speak to everyone, not leave it to Zelda again. Eventually, he stood near the whiteboard and plasma tv, clearing his throat to get everyone's attention, trying to mask his nerves with his usual straight-man demeanor. "Well, glad to see everyone found this abomination of reality," he began.

"A little harsh," Pauline smiled at him. "This place is amazing!"

Loathe as he was to contradict her, Mario nodded. "Well, yes, it is better than anything I ever hoped to find- but that doesn't stop it being an abomination of reality. Anyways, I guess it's about time- you got something to say, Zelda?"

Zelda's hand was, indeed, in the air. Ness nudged Paula. "Sure took him less time to start responding to raised hands than Fassad," he smirked, causing the pink-clad girl to giggle.

"Zip it, you two," Mario furrowed his brow. "One more time, Zelda?"

"I thought we should elect a leader before we go too much farther."

"Mario's the leader, isn't he?" Pauline asked incredulously, as though this should be ludicrously obvious. Mario had never fully known the phrase 'Walking on Sunshine' until now.

"True," Zelda nodded, "but I think we should actively elect him in- just so we know we've got a democratically elected leader here, not some tyrant forced on us. All in favor of making Mario Mario the leader of the SOM Brigade?"

Mario looked around- everyone was raising their hands, though it looked like Kevin Winnicott was doing it purely out of peer pressure and Tharja was only doing it because Robin was.

"Thank you all," Mario spoke slowly and embarrassedly. "Well, if that's all, let's move along- I hereby call this first official meeting of the SOM Brigade to order!" Cheers echoed around the room until Mario raised a hand, bringing silence instantly, much more effectively than the SJWs. "Alright, may as well dive right in. Now, in my experience, unless you're watching a Quentin Tarantino movie, it's best to start at the beginning, so, weird as it seems, we'll be starting by making sure everyone has a developed basic attack- a B attack, if you will. For example..." He snapped his fingers, summoned a fireball, and threw it across the room, burning a hole in the mirror opposite him.

"Flashy, but unimpressive," Kevin Winnicott spoke up. "We're training under the pretense that there are starmen out there, and you think a basic, dinky attack like that is going to help us?"

"Oh, why don't you shut up already?" Kirby and Meta glared at him, but Mario raised his hand.

"Remember, guys, this isn't Fassad's class," he chided softly. "Dissenting opinions have to be welcomed here, or we're no better than he is. That said..." he turned his gaze to Kevin, "Yes, I do think it'll help. Everyone has to start somewhere, and it was that very flashy but useless, basic, dinky attack that got me out of my jam with Tabuu last year. That said, I won't force you to stay here- if you've already mastered the basics, feel free to leave and come back once we get to the 'good stuff.'"

A long silence hung, Mario feeling very odd with so many eyes on him. However, the one thing that didn't happen in that time was anyone leaving- even Kevin. Finally, desperate to get everyone's eyes off him, he clapped his gloved hands together. "Alright, let's get started- everyone pair up and start trying to develop a basic attack using the bare minimum of smashing power- these attacks are for the beginning of fights, when you're trying to preserve energy, after all."

As everyone immediately obeyed his directive, splitting up into pairs and taking sparring mats, Mario shook his head. This 'being-the-boss' thing was going to take some getting used to.

Link and Zelda faced each other, as did Kirby and Meta Knight, Shulk and Reyn, Ness and Tharja, Klavier Gavin and Daryan Crescend. Tharja had initially tried to pair up with Robin, only for Lucina to roughly elbow her out of the way, as Waluigi found himself up against Ema Skye. By the end of all the shuffling around, only Luigi was left partnerless. Mario sighed- should have seen that one coming. "Come on, Lu," he beckoned, giving a soft smile. "As they say- come at me, bro."

He imagined a button in his hand controlling a series of speakers around the room- lo and behold, they all appeared just as he'd imagined. Pressing the button, a deep voice rang through the room- "3... 2... 1... GO!"

Light began to fill the room as the student smashers cut loose on each other. Two seconds in, Mario threw a fireball that knocked Luigi's hat clean off, knocking it across the room, leaving the poor boy to chase after it, and Mario to gaze around, seeing how everyone else was doing.

Well, starting with the basics had been a good decision- that much was immediately obvious. Hardly any of these guys had given thought to personal attacks before- most of the powers flying around were erratic, to say the least. Lucina had gone in for a supercharged sword-thrust against Robin, only to find herself flashing bright colors, her skeleton becoming temporarily visible as Robin retaliated with a thrown bolt of lightning. Zelda threw a fireball and Link, who narrowly dodged out of the way and fired an arrow from a bow he hadn't had before back- bringing an end to the beam-of-war begun by Ness and Tharja, which Mario assumed had begun when Ness used PSI Flash against Tharja, only to be countered by the girl's brand of black magic. It had been quite a sight, beams of light and darkness forcing each other back and forth between the two- until Link's rogue arrow struck Tharja haphazardly in the back, causing her to glare behind her, muttering something that sounded very much like, "You'll pay..."

And, since the writer can't stand not having mentioned her in so long, Melia was firing what seemed to be a water elemental at Peach, only for Peach to retaliate, every time, by pulling a strange mushroom creature out of... somewhere... deflecting it right back at her opponent. Not much progress going on there...

Abruptly, Mario felt a jolt of electricity hit him, and he felt a brief moment of empathy with Lucina as his skeleton flashed, and he fell to the ground, his hat flying off his head and across the room. He eventually rose to his feet and saw Luigi, looking amazed at what he'd done. "I... I did something!" he cheered. "I've never been able to- but I did!"

"Nice shot, Lu," Mario nodded, smiling, not eager to point out that most real melees wouldn't be carried out against such distracted opponents. "Tell you what, go and join Link and Zelda- I need to check on everyone."

Luigi nodded enthusiastically and dashed off, leaving Mario to gaze around at some of the carnage. Shulk was waving his sword in front of him, the symbol engraved into it shifting as he did- but every time he did so, Reyn would shout "Bone upper!" or occasionally, "Suck on this!" as he simply dealt his best friend an uppercut. Kirby and Meta were attempting to copy each other's powers, but given that their central powers were copying other smashers' powers... try to think about that one without getting a headache.

Lucas was attempting to cast PK Freeze, but the sphere of ice was very slow-moving, giving Duster time to go under his defenses and sweep his legs. Pichu and Plusle Minun were causing more damage to the room than they were to each other, causing a true shower of sparks everywhere they pointed.

"Okay, time out, time out!" he called. No one seemed to hear, prompting him to return to the button.

The deep voice echoed through the room- "GAME!"

Everyone stopped, staring around, eventually focused on Mario, who resumed his spot at the whiteboard. "Okay, not a bad start," he spoke slowly. "You all seem to have a general idea of what your most basic attack should be. The big thing we need to work on now is focus. Remember- all the power in the world doesn't mean anything if we can't even hit our targets. Alright, let's go!"

Some partners got mixed around this time- as Mario approached Tharja a few minutes later, his heart leapt into his mouth as he realized she was going up against Pauline. Mario didn't know what Pauline had been doing before, but when he walked by, she seemed to stagger for a second- just long enough for Tharja to break her defenses with a spell of ice and fire- or maybe just fire.

"Argh!" Pauline yelped, only for Mario to rush over and help her put the fire out.

"Do you like darkness?" Tharja taunted quietly.

"You alright?" Mario asked.

"Yeah," Pauline shook her head. "Tharja sure packs a punch... but you know, it's really your fault!"

"My fault?" Mario asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah- you made me nervous, I was just fine before you came along!" He couldn't tell if the scorn in her voice was joking or not- though, when her smile returned, he was leaning towards 'joking.'

"Do your parents know you're in this club?" Mario asked out of curiosity.

"No," Pauline shook her head. "They're scared of Fassad, told me not to do anything that might upset the government. But I can't just sit and take it- not after what Donkey Kong..."

The following awkward silence was broken by Melia calling out to them from where she'd knocked down Waluigi, turning from the spindly-legged Sierra and saying, "Not my father, I am glad to say. He is supportive of any actions taken against the government- he knows things about Andrew Ryan, things the president wouldn't want getting out... his shady business dealings, the way he really uses the SCP Foundation, his hidden city, and, of course, the Breezy Zolos..."

"Breezy-" Pauline started, but Mario cut her off.

"Don't, don't, don't, don't even ask. I'm certain we don't want to know."

Pauline laughed. It was music to Mario's ears.

Ears that immediately received a rude awakening when Zelda called out, "Hey, Mario, what's the time?"

Mario looked down at his watch before realizing that he didn't have it anymore- he'd given it away to a fish the previous year. He thought he'd have broken the habit of looking at it by now. In fact, given that even before he'd given it away, it had been a non-functional piece of junk, it was kind of weird he'd developed that habit to begin with. He imagined a clock on the wall, observed it, and received a shock- they'd been at this for over an hour- it was past curfew, and everyone needed to get to their hubs ASAP, or risk being caught and punished by the thought police. He pressed the button again. "GAME!"

"Alright, people," he announced. "Good first meeting, but we're overtime. Smash-Up teams, when's the next ideal place to meet?"

Kumatora, Kevin Winnicott, and Ema Skye, representatives of the three Smash-Up teams, put their heads together quickly and chatted for a minute before looking up. "Wednesday!" Kumatora announced their decision. "That's the next day that works for everyone."

"Then Wednesday it shall be," Mario nodded. "Alright, everyone hurry back to their hubs- and be quiet! We don't need to give Fassad any more weapons than he has already..."

Everyone quietly hurried out of the Debug Room, Mario lingering behind, watching the Bomber's Guide to ensure everyone- the Hals and Sierras in particular- got to their hubs safely, before beckoning to Link and Zelda, leading them out beneath the blanket. The door disappeared immediately behind them. They remained silent until they were safely behind Rosalina's painting.

"That really was a good first meeting," Zelda noted, sounding satisfied as she collapsed into her usual chair by the fire- it was late enough that just about everyone else had gone to bed.

"Dang straight!" Link nodded happily. "One of my later arrows caught Zelda's glove and pinned it to the wall!"

"Oh, one time!" Zelda objected. "Compared to the four dozen or so times I got you..."

"No, no, negatory, I got you four times, at least!"

"Only if you count the time where you tripped and knocked me over!"

"Hey, up against a starman, anything goes, right?"

Mario tuned them out- just the usual bickering, no need to worry too much. Besides, he had much more important things on his mind- like how Pauline had said he made her nervous...

XXXX

*Honestly, I don't find Navi all that annoying- or annoying at all, truth be told- but when a video game parody series has gone on as long as this one, it's kind of expected you make some sort of derogatory reference towards her at some point, and with the whole sound-based humor coming into play, things were too perfect to not do something like this.

Man, this was a fun chapter to write. Seriously, I just sat down for a quick writing session, completely blank writing program, thought I'd get a page or two in, then before I knew it, the whole thing was finished and ready to post! Hope you guys enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it! As usual, to let me know, please R&R, constructive criticism and questions embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!