Gamer4 in. 'I'm excited for the next chapter,' he says. 'It oughtta be up pretty soon,' he says. Screw writing, go play Pikmin and watch RWBY instead, he does. *Sigh.* Yeah, I dropped the ball, and dropped it hard. Just yesterday, I was at the theater watching Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, a fantastic film in its own right, when something began nagging at my mind. Isn't there something I was supposed to be- Oh, smeg! So, yeah, I'm just as horrified by this as you guys are. Maybe one day I'll whip myself into shape- if that other story I'm writing out is to ever come to fruition especially. Alright, no more delays, let's get started.
Disclaimer: Helter-skelter in the Summer swelter, birds flew off with a fallout shelter. Eight miles high, and falling faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
Chapter XX
Call of the Crazy Hand
With a flash, Mario had vanished, reappearing upstairs in a puff of rose petals. Sighing, he plucked them off of his clothing, grumbling something about the author feeling the need to include references to every new fandom he encountered, then, without further adieu, out came his blanket of invisibility, out came the Bomber's Guide to the Smash Mansion, and another puff of rose petals indicated his appearance back in the hub- the only person who'd moved faster than him was Link, though, in Mario's defense, Link didn't have quite as much to grab. From that point began an agonizing five minutes or so of waiting for Zelda before she finally descended the stairs, looking more like she'd dressed up for deep sea diving than for a simple walk across the lawn. "Move a little slower, why don't ya?" Mario grumbled, tapping his foot, crossing his arms, and tapping his shoulder.
"Well, it's cold out!" Zelda pointed out.
"And you've got a pyromancer in the group, how much warmth do you need?" Link countered. Mario cut them both off- the more time they argued up here, the less time they had to talk to Crazy. Their trip down through the mansion passed like a blur- the next thing Mario knew, they were plowing their way through the snow, Mario blasting fire ahead of them to form a trench through the deep, powdery substance. Link was the first to the door, and thus was the one to bang on said portal hard enough that they may as well have brought a battering ram.
"Alright, Crazy, open up, you've got some 'splainin' ta do!" Mario called out.
A chuckle came from the other side. "Mezies should be knowin', huh? Mez not getta be home tree seconds 'fore you be bangin' at da door!"
A wide smile passed between the three of them- reproachful as the words seemed, Crazy didn't have it in him to actually sound upset about it. A moment later, the door swung open, revealing the hand himself, and swiftly changing the trio's looks of joy to ones of horror. "Crazy- what happened?!" Zelda gasped.
Crazy recoiled slightly. "It not be nutting- nutting you gotsta be worryin' 'bout, k?"
"Nothing to worry about?" Link gaped. "Look at you!"
Crazy's glove was torn, tattered, and dirty. The rips in the fabric revealed the skin beneath- battered, bruised, bloody, insert other words that start with B that communicate a general sense that the old hand had clearly been through the wringer. Even his movement was less spastic than normal- indicating to Mario, at least, that either he was really down in the dumps or- more likely, considering his voice was just as insane as usual- his bones were broken and he was trying to keep tension off of them.
"Clearly, something happened," Mario knitted his brow in concern. He'd have crossed his arms, but both hands were currently busy trying to keep Crazy's dog Zoey from tackling him to the ground.
"Nope, nutting- dis just be da usual wearntear uvva Wildlife Manager! Mez be guessin' youz wantda sodas?"
"That would be nice, yeah," Link nodded, before returning to the offensive. "But don't try to give us that 'everything's fine' bull! We'd have noticed if you were this banged up any time for the past five years!"
"Look, Crazy," Zelda spoke up, intending on being the voice of reason, "even if you don't want to tell us, at least go to Nurse Tessie- this is serious!"
"No needsta worry- everyting be bein' unda control," Crazy shook himself, doing his best to sound soothing. "Sees? Mez even gotta dis here special power-up- Matta Hand send it outta me. Comin' from da meat ofa Burrowin' Snagret. Brudda lookin' outfur me, everyting gonna be just fine."
Mario wasn't truly confident- that meat didn't look quite as healthy as the average McDonald's chicken McNugget (McTasty), but he raised no objection as Crazy began to chow down- though he still couldn't detect any noticeable mouth.
A suspicion was starting to take hold of Mario, and a quick glance at Link and Zelda showed that they were steadily coming to the same conclusion. "So," Mario began, "how did the rendevous with the ancients go?"
Crazy coughed, spewing out some of the chewed-up snagret meat. "Whattda- howyou be knowin' 'bout dat?!"
"We didn't know for sure," Link shook his head, "but thanks for confirming it."
Crazy choked. "Gah! You tree always be gettin inta da tings you not sposed be gettin 'volved in... it getcha into trouble one dese days..."
"Believe me, it already has," Mario smirked- an action he felt was okay, once again based on the hand's tone over his actual words.
"So you and Ammy went out looking for the ancients, huh?" Link prompted.
Crazy sighed heavily as he produced four glasses of his mansion-famous soda. "Oh, alrights. Yeah, da two of us be headin' out for da ancient cities. Two, dat is- Yamato, over 'n Japan, n' Termina, down in Antarctica."
"Pretty cold, then, huh?" Link raised his eyebrows, shooting a 'first-world-problems' glare over at Zelda.
"Like you no be believin," Crazy shook his head. "Dere be talks 'bout headin' down teh R'lyeh, but brudda be 'cidin' dat bringing dose guys out not be good eitha side- best be lettin' sleepin' dogs lie. Tings go pretty well at Yamato- old friendsa Ammy, always be endin' wit 'asu,' we be feelin' pretty good we getta Termina, but den- well, you no needs know 'bout dat."
"Ah, come on, don't be like that!" Link objected. "Tell you what- a story for a story- you tell us what went down with the ancients, and Mario will tell you what happened with the floows!"
"Floows?!" Crazy burst, sounding horrified. "What be goin' on wit da floows?!"
"You didn't know?" Zelda asked, somewhat crestfallen- she'd been on the verge of chastising Link for offering Crazy a story he probably already knew.
"Ammy n' me be completely off da grid da whole time be huntin' ancients! Floows?!"
"And then there was a whole debacle with the government," Mario nodded, "but like Link said, story for a story, how 'bout?"
Crazy sighed in resignation. "You tree gonna be deatha me... alrights. Me n' Ammy head out soon summer start. Go true Japan, see her friends, den south we goes. She be great help- she know what up. Over da hill, under da hill, n' all in between- it quite da trip."
"Why did you have to hoof it?" Link asked. "I mean, trying to rally the ancients, that's got to be pretty important- why not teleport, use a whir-gate- something?"
"Dat no be on da table," Crazy shook himself again, helping himself to more snagret meat. "Not wit da starmen n' government ridin' our butts."
He paused, as though expecting the three of them to be surprised by the news that the government was their enemy- only to end up being surprised himself when they nodded in understanding. "Oh, we know all about the government by now- trust us," Mario spoke grimly. "Anyways, on with the story."
Crazy shook off his confusion and continued. "Well, 'nyways, we not necessarily gotsta walk da whole way, but we gotsta be subtle 'bout what we do. Wez never spend so much time as humans 'fore. But dem be da breaks, y'know? No be wantin' ta give da government no bullets ta fire at us- drivin', walkin, keepin' off da road often as we could... serious Lord da Rings goin' on. Finally, get ta Antarctica, n' dat where we hadta be usin' powers- not much udda way ta get ta Termina, up dere on Leng. Once we be gettin' up ta Leng, doe, strict no-powas prohibition- ancients no like smashas, we not wanta make first impression like dat- 'specially bad case dere be any starmen 'round."
"But you found them?" Zelda prompted.
"Not dat difficult ta find- da smallest ancient dere was Celosia, even she be good 15 feet so... biggest one be clockin' in 'round twenty, thirty meters."
"That's... pretty big," Mario nodded. "How many were there?"
"Dat part da world, we lookin' at sixty- eighty- m'be ninety 'r so."
"That seems... small," Zelda noted. "From what I've heard, ancients used to live together in the hundreds."
"Dey used," Crazy nodded. "But not no more. Tings really be goin' downhill fur dem after da wars- smashers kill plenty on deir own, not get no better when all dem be forced togetha, no regard fur da cultas, dif'rent ways tinkin'- one ancient da same as any udda to lotsa smashas."
"So you found them, then...?" Mario prompted.
"Well, you gotsta make good first 'pression, begin wit- we not go in da dark of da night, send all da wrong signals- so we gotsa wait tree weeks 'fore sun finally rise over dat icy place... den we goes down ta meet wit da Big Boss- da High Priest- da Royal Kilimanjaro- da-"
"The leader, yeah, yeah, we get it," Mario interrupted before Crazy got off on a tangent completely.
"Yeah, da leader," Crazy huffed in a 'you're-no-fun' kind of way. "Dere used be four clans up dere at Leng, but afta so many be dyin', dere only 'nuff left support one, so dere only one leada we be 'ppeasin'- big blue squiddy go by da name-a Ulyaoth. Say he be da godda knowledge- n' he definitely be da most ela- ello- ellabellallelly..."
"Eloquent?" Zelda suggested.
"Yeah, dat- of dem all. Mez feel me can actully holda convorsation wit him, t'least. He right da middle da clan camp, spinnin' 'round, floatin'. Sensed us comin' mile 'r two 'way, but he 'least be nice 'nuff keep da udda ancients offa us 'til he hear us out."
"So, what exactly can a smasher offer an ancient?" Link wondered.
Crazy chuckled. "Funny 'nuff, Ulyaoth be askin' da same zact ting- den we be showin' him da gift brudda be offerin'- da Fiah Emblem."
"The- the- thththththththth-the Fire Emblem?" Zelda gasped. "The Master Hand offered the ancients the Fire Emblem?"
"The flip's a fire emblem?" Link asked, uncomprehending.
"Not a fire emblem, the Fire Emblem!" Zelda sounded truly exasperated. "Haven't you been paying attention in-"
"Andonuts's class?" Mario and Link guessed, gazing at her with half-closed eyes and their arms crossed.
"Oh, right... the Fire Emblem was a royal treasure of the Halidom of Ylisse! It enabled mortals and ancients to communicate, transfer power and- other things! It was only used once or twice in recorded history, so nobody really knows for sure... the point is, the Master Hand was staking a lot, offering it to them!"
"He be tryin' communicate goodly 'mounta trust to dem, yeah," Crazy agreed. "'Course, dey go 'round misusin' it, me tink brudda got fallback plan, but no need bring it up dem- no need sour da relation we buildin'. It be gettin' us his good grace, dat be fur sure- he say we be welcome back da next day, we promise come back wit sumtin else."
"You couldn't negotiate that day?" Zelda asked, surprised.
"Matta Hand be predictin' dat one- Ulyaoth be sayin', 'Trust take lifetime ta build, seconds ta destroy.' He want make sure we be smashas he be ready ta trust. Besides, good chanceta show dem we be hands n' wolves our word- we promise come back wit some udda cool ting, we come back wit udda cool ting- let dem see we gots tingz ta offer dem in dis arrangement. So, yeah, we take rest, go back fifteen-twenty houas latah wit new pressie. He be waitin' fur us- all too gladta be takin' da Zoha off our hands."
"Wh-the- how- the Zohar?!" Zelda spluttered. Catching Mario and Link's eyes, she quickly muttered, "Enables communication between dimensions," before turning back to Crazy. "How did the Master Hand even get that?!"
"He know people," Crazy shrugged. "Dat day be da besta our trip. Ulyaoth be sayin' he heard 'bout brudda, like what he'd be hearin'. He not da only one- plenty othas be gathrin' 'round ta listen, too. Ulyaoth call da meetin', say we come back on da morra, we promise we bring new gifty, we go back ta camp ta wait.
"N'... n' dat be when everyting go right ta hell."
"Why? What happened?" Link asked swiftly.
"It turn out dere be powa struggle goin' on in da clan. Like I say, it be mish-mash o' ancients dat be from four different clans, once 'pona time, rivalries be inevitable. Da old leada ona da udda clans be plottin' insurgence, only ting- be 'fraida Ulyaoth. But he gatha togetha udda ancients be in his old clan, set out ta fight- n' tings no go well."
"What was it like?" Zelda asked, hand to her mouth.
Crazy shook himself as he helped himself to a drink of soda. "Dere sum tings in dis world, Zeddies... no meant fur mortal eyes... 'r ears."
With that ominous pronouncement, he finished off the power-up he'd been gnawing on so far, before continuing. "Da point be, by da time our next visit roll 'round, Ulyaoth be only a pila sushi at da foota Leng."
"Oh, my," Zelda placed a hand over her mouth.
"Yuppers," Crazy nodded solemnly. "Dat real blow. Da new leada be Ulyaoth's killa- crab-lookin' brutus be callin' 'self Chattur'gha. We be all nerves, but Matta Hand be trustin' us- wez mean what we saiz, we say what we meant, da two of us faitful- hundred percent! We gotsa get some ancient support 'for goin' back, so we go down wit da next pressie. Dere he be, right da middla da ancients, makin' em bow down, muchachos. He got da Zohar one claw, da Fiah Emblem in da udder, n' just be glarin' down at us like we scum onna pond. Me heart be in my wrist right 'bout den, but gotta try- no go back empty-handed! Mez offer up da next pressie- forged dragonstone-"
"A forged-" Zelda started, only for Mario and Link to cut her off by barking, "Zelda, shut UP!" "Sorry," she whispered, turning red as she allowed Crazy to continue his story.
"'N fur one, shining momento, me be tinkin' everyting be alright- Bob Marley be walkin' on sunshine- den Chattur'gha's right-hand ancient, castle-wearin' guy by da nama Mallus, pick me up n' start tossin' me 'round like rag doll."
"Smeg!" Link cursed, fury burning in his eyes.
"And how did you get out of that one?" Mario asked, his eyes as wide as a child being told a truly suspenseful story by their father.
"Oh- mes die."
"I don't believe you," Mario crossed his arms.
"Of coursy me kiddings," Crazy chuckled. "It be Ammy dat pull miez pinky outta da fire on dat one. She swish her tail, sun suddenly go down, moon be risin'. Da ancients be lookin' 'round, all confused, n' 'fore dey get deir bearings, she leap up n' slash off Mallus's arm wit onna her swords. It get us outta dere, but dat last time we be able go ta dat camp- we use our powas 'gainst dem, n' dat what dey hate 'bout smashas da most."
"Crud..." Mario took off his hat and rubbed his eyeballs with his wrists.
"So, then..." Zelda wondered, "why did it take you so long to get back, if the mission was screwed after three days?"
"Nutting be screwed afta tree days!" Crazy sounded shocked by the mere implication. "Iz be sayin, wez mean what we say, we say what we meant..."
Picking up on the hand's cue, the three chanted back, "The two of you were faithful, one hundred percent."
"Zactly," Crazy nodded vigorously. "We not able contact main clan anymore, but we no be leavin' Leng wit just dat. By night, we sneak 'round da borda, talk ta any ancients dat be willin' ta listen ta us witout tippin' off Chattur'gha. Dat n' pick up more info 'bout da ancients not be listenin'- n' tings only got worse from dere."
"How could they have gotten worse?" Zelda asked, surprised.
"Starmen," Mario gave voice to the terrible suspicion- a suspicion confirmed as Crazy nodded once more.
"Matta Hand be tellin' us da Grate Darkness be havin' stake wit da ancients, too. It not take long fur da starmen ta be tryin' da same ting we did- n' Chattur'gha be listenin' to dem."
"Are you sure they were starmen?" Link asked, trying to inject a note of optimism into the dismal conversation.
"Oh, yeahs," Crazy nodded. "Even recognize da leada- dat Dolly Hawetorne... da one be set ta kill Epona? She be ambassada 'tween da starmen n' da ancients, n' she be gettin' crud done. Dey both like killin' so much, it no wonder she be such great friends wit da giant lobsta."
"So the Great Darkness is rallying the ancients behind him?" Zelda cringed at the implications.
"Calmin' da jets, Zeddies, me no finish yets!" Crazy shook himself, getting truly into the swing of story-telling now. "Ammy be sayin' dat, jus' cause main clan turn back on us, no mean all ancients be like dat. Ulyaoth had s'pportas too, ya knows, ancients dat be in his clan back in da day, ancients dat liked his waya tinkin' more dan Chattur'gha, n' even some who no like him just hate Chattur'gha more. Dose da ones we be able ta spread da message to."
"But how could you tell them apart?"
"Dey be hidin' in nearby mountain range- hidin' from Chattur'gha's followas dat be beatin' dem ta bloody pulp. Even da mountain's be ona dem- big ol' ancient by da nama Phalanx, start his own clan, kinda, of ancients dat no like how tings goin' back in central Leng."
"So you were poking around at ancients the size of mountains?" Link gaped.
"We be prepared fur dat," Crazy waved aside. "It not Phalanx n' his crowd we worried 'bout, was da starmen dat would be out fur dem, too. Toppa dat, dey know 'bout us- Chattur'gha musta told 'em. Ammy ready trow down wit dem da whole time- fire blazin' 'round her reflector, snarlin'- she someting when da wolf side take ova, dat Ammy... superspecialmegaawesomesauce..."
Mario cleared his throat. "And?"
Crazy jolted back to reality. "Oh- yeah. Mez gotta hold her back, doe- no wanta draw da starmen 'tention to us. 'Ventually, we find da mountain dat be breathin', sleepin' 'round buncha ancients wit scars all ova dem. Soma dem look 'gressive, but dey just take too mucha beatin' be any threats. Celosia be dere- him, 'nudda small fry by da nama Cenobia... Dirge... Lavos... G-Man... n'...n' 'nudda..."
Crazy trailed off into faint ramblings before focusing once more. "'Nyways, G-Man be good translata, connect us togetha, we start visitin' 'em daily, healin', givin' medicine, start negotiatin' n' givin' da Matta Hand's messages. Dey start ta turn- everyting be goin' well 'gain, but den..."
"The starmen?" Mario guessed.
"Nah- starmen, dey coulda handled. Chattur'gha n' his gang ragin' 'bout, tearin' all up? Not so much. Dey get out most 'kay, 'cept fur Phalanx- he get da same treatment 's Ulyaoth, just giant body da foota Leng. None da uddas want ting ta do wit us afta dat."
"So, the ancients are either working for the Great Darkness, or just staying out altogether?" Link asked hopelessly.
"Dat how tings be standin' now," Crazy sighed heavily. "Still- dose dat be takin' Matty's message ta heart may 'membah- some dem be dere personally hear him speak, n' dat no ting you be forgettin'. No one be makin' any promises, but mes try be optimistic times like dis- mes tink somea dem remembah... maybe 'least speak up 'gainst gettin' 'volved in da war 'tall. Not good as help, but much bettah dan helping da Great Darkness..."
Silence fell- one of the darkest silences Mario had had the pleasure of sitting through. Finally, Zelda broke it, speaking gently. "Crazy... about your mother... did you... did you hear anything about her?"
Crazy sighed again. "Dead- die long time 'go. Chattur'gha get her, too- leader rival clan, n' he no stand fur dat."
"Sorry," Zelda spoke quietly.
"No need be," Crazy shook himself one last time. "Me be raised by my Daddies, Matty, n' Nick. Mommies be bookin' it soon she get da chance- neva get ta know her."
"But..." Link spoke slowly, "none of that explains how you got so roughed up."
"Or why you were so late," Mario spoke up, following his friend's train of logic. "I mean, delays or no, Amaterasu got back to Sohnee in time not long after the year started."
"Crazy, what really happened?" Zelda joined the offensive. "Who attacked you?"
"Mez no be attacked," Crazy spoke in exasperation. "Mes be tellin' you-"
*Tap, tap.* *Tap, tap.*
"Who dat be?" Crazy wondered, glancing up at the door, where a shadow had appeared.
...A very short, stout shadow.
"Flip, it's him!" Mario hissed. Glancing at the Crazy Hand, "We were never here!" then at Link and Zelda, "Under the blanket!"
They didn't need to be told twice- Mario threw his blanket into the air, and they all gathered beneath it as it fell, succumbing to the invisibility as fast as they could. Crazy looked surprised, but went along with their antics, floating over to the door and opening it up, revealing Fassad Yokuba on the other side.
When he spoke, it was in the stereotypical loud, slow voice that people apparently took on when speaking to someone they didn't think knew their language. "So,... you... are... the... Crazy... Hand... yes?"
Mario seethed- how could that fat bastard make even slow speech like that sound high-pitched and annoying?
Crazy seemed confused by the slow speech. "Yeah, dat be me," he nodded. "N... who be you?"
"My... name... is... Fassad... Yokuba."
As he spoke, those beady eyes of his were taking in the insides of Crazy's cabin, no trace amounts of scorn therein. "Fassad?" Crazy repeated. "Aintcha bein' da Pressie's right-hand man?"
"Something... like... that..." Fassad acknowledged. "As...things... stand... now... I... am... the... new... Protection... from... the... Evils... teacher-"
"Congrats," Crazy nodded warmly. "Dere not be many dat be willin' take dat job."
"... and... the... President's... third... eye."
"Da Pressie has tree eyes?!" Crazy asked, aghast- clearly, it was news to him.
Fassad ignored him. "Did... I... hear... voices... on... my... way... in?"
"Well, mezies be talkin' ta Zoey here," Crazy shrugged, rubbing said dog behind the ears.
"And... she... spoke... back?"
"She be smarta most give her credit for," Crazy shrugged. "Well-trained, too- mez be tinkin' she may jus' be smart 'nuff ta communicate back at mez..."
"And... the... trench... in... the... snow... on... the... way... here?"
Mario cringed beneath Zelda's glare, firing back a 'Well, I-was-in-a-hurry' look.
"Prob'ly be someone visitin' earlier, mez be missin' dem," Crazy shrugged off.
"And... the... snow... has... yet... to... refill... the... gaps?"
"Dat be odd," Crazy shrugged. "It still be snowin' out dere? Mez jus' be warmin' up in here. Mez be pretty sure mez notice if someone be in here wit me. Mez mean what me say, mez say what me-"
"Save... it," Fassad waved him aside as he began searching through the cabin, leading to many an uncomfortable instance with Mario, Link, and Zelda in which they were forced to move as quietly as possible to avoid his searching hand. Finally, he turned back towards Crazy, that crud-eating grin taking his face. "So... what... happened... to... you?"
"Mez no know watchoo talk 'bout," Crazy shrugged evasively.
"Those... wounds."
"Oh, dese?" Crazy asked, looking around at himself as though he'd just noticed the severe damage he'd sustained. "You knowz, me no nosies how dis happen- you know how you get dese cuts n' bruises, but no 'member gettin' dem? Like dat."
Fassad's eyes narrowed. "In... that... case..., where... have... you... been?"
"Been? Mez been somewheres?" Crazy asked evasively. "Why no one tell me?"
"We... are... more... than... two... months... into... the... school... year... and... you... are... only... now... showing... up. Ms... Kjelle... Sheh... has... been... forced... to... cover... your... classes... so... I... ask... where... have... you... been?"
"Ah, last year be bitta a whirlwhind, mez be goin' on vacation afta dat," Crazy shrugged. "Mez no wantsta, but brudda be tellin' me it all fur da best..."
Mario cringed- bringing the Master Hand up was likely a huge mistake. Fassad seemed to agree. "And... did... he... direct... you... to... any... tourist... hot... spots? Or... rather... cold... spots?"
Mario, Link, and Zelda exchanged a look of sheer horror.
"Cold spots? Me look like ghost hunta ta you? Me be headin' down ta da Carribean! B-E-A-Utiful down dere, once you get past da pirates. Nice warm swimmin', sun dat no come out 'round here..."
"Yes... you... have... quite... the... tan," Fassad observed sarcastically.
Crazy did a double take. "Well... mez always be wearin' dis glove, you knows... too stronga sunscreen, me guesses..."
Fassad's eyes narrowed even further. "As... the... President's... Third... Eye... it... is... my... duty... to... inspect... and... remove... problematic... teachers... from... the... premises. Let... me... just... say... you... shouldn't... get... too... comfortable. In... fact... if... I... were... you... I... might... not... bother... unpacking... at... all."
With that, he was out the door, taking that speech pattern that was very annoying to write with him. Mario waited for a few minutes for Crazy to ensure that Fassad was, indeed, following that trench back to the mansion before removing the blanket. "Wave Existence," Crazy wondered out loud. "Mez be turnin' miez back fur tree seconds... inpsections, huh?"
"Yep, and Lucario's already started on the wrong foot," Mario mumbled.
"So, I hope when I ask this, you understand," Zelda spoke up. "What are you planning for your classes once you take them back from Kjelle?"
"Oh, you no gotsta worry 'bout dat!" Crazy perked up, sounding truly happy for the first time since Fassad's entrance. "Mez learn from mistakes, ya knows! Mez got bawesome lineup fur dis year! Kjelle may be good teacha, but she got nutting on what be comin' next!"
"And what exactly does that mean?" Zelda asked.
"No spoilas!" Crazy reprimanded her lightly.
"Crazy," Zelda interrupted, looking truly afraid, "Fassad's looking for any excuse he can to get rid of teachers he deems problematic- a word which here means 'too close to the Master Hand.' And who's closer to the Master Hand than his half-brother?"
As Mario searched through Zelda's backpack and found the expected copy of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Crazy chuckled. "His full brudda, maybe? Seriously, Zeddies, me knows we all walkin' thin line dis year, n' me be takin' dat to 'count! Dis year mez be at da toppa my game- cross heart n' hope da die, stick tousand needles in miez eye!"
"That doesn't mean much from someone who doesn't have a face," Zelda pointed out worriedly.
"But when miez does gotta face, it not da face offa liar," Crazy shrugged. "Everyting be alright, Zeddies- trust da hand." Glancing out the window, he added, "It be gettin' late- no wants get you in trouble on miez 'count. Head on back up to da mansion, n' no worries 'bout me! Miez finally be back, plannin' ta keep it dat way."
"Not a good sign," Link sighed as they made their way back up towards the mansion. "I'd like to trust him on this one, but after the last few years..."
"I'm going back tomorrow," Zelda said firmly, and they could see the determination burning in her eyes. "I won't let this happen! You know how I feel about Lucario- he can go suck a railroad spike- but smeg if I'm letting that fat bastard take Crazy!"
XXXX
Aaaand... done. And only almost two months after the last chapter. After promising a quick update. *Sigh.* Blahblahblahblah, things have been busy over here, blahblahblahblah job hunting, blahblahblahblah PS3 breakdown, blahblahblahblah other excuses. You know, I was planning on doing a random quicky next chapter, but with how long this one took, I'm debating with myself on that one- while I still think it's a decent idea, is it really good enough to justify putting the main story on hold again, especially when we know what my update schedule can be like at times? I guess we'll see what happens- and, while I won't be definite, because that'll just jinx... everything... I hope to have the next chapter up sometime soon. Ideally before 2017. Again, that's just a hopeful- please, gods of fate, don't take that as a challenge. Alright, enough waffling- time to finally end things off here and update after a solid six or seven weeks- please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out.