Meanwhile, in an Alternate Alternate Universe

A port never truly sleeps. You can still see the lights on, hear the containers and such moving. We passed a ship being repaired on the way in.

"Where is she?" I grumbled. "I've got homework to do."

"It'll take you five minutes," Ellie said absently.

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Seriously, where is she?" Gabe said, as we arrived at the location Tritter had sent us.

A light flared on the sky.

(! Exotic energy detected. ¡) Joyeuse informed us. (! Quantum fluxes consistent with- ¡)

"Probably the Princess," Gabe said.

"Is she here?"

"No, she's in another castle. It's-"

There was a loud bang, and the light cleared away. Turned out it was what I can only describe as a 'space elf'. Pale skin, blonde hair, pointy ears and everything. He looked like Legolas, if Legolas was the sort of person who let everyone know he did crossfit.

"You."

He mad, I said.

Yeah, obvs, Gabe said, with, okay, more snarkiness than I think was strictly required.

"You have corrupted the Princess. She focuses not on her duties. She speaks often of returning to this mudball."

Dude, Gabe said, what did you do with her?

It was only a kiss! How did it end up like this?

Ellie raised a mental eyebrow, and took the bait. It was only a kiss?

It was only a kiss!

"Are you children listening to me?"

I burned want, and threw a container at him. "Frankly, no."

That would've been a cool Bond one-liner if it had actually worked. Not that I expected it to; I saw what the Princess did to those guys in the theatre when they attacked us.

Turns out nachos are great for destroying weird alien power suppressing things, if you just throw 'em at sufficient velocity. Better than actually eating 'em.

"Now I shall talk, and you shall listen," I said, as he batted the container away. "I don't know what your major malfunction is, but I didn't do anything to her-"

"She has feelings for you!"

"So it's my fault that I'm charming?"

Perhaps not the most diplomatic thing to say.

"Did you not seek to charm her?"

"...Well...not that much."

One of the benefits of being plonked back into high school is that I can resolve not to make the same mistakes I did last time, like with girls. Specifically, not realizing they were flirting, and not really doing anything with them.

Problem is, I'm an adult, regardless of what body I'm in and the raging hormones it contains. Girls my 'age' are right out, even if I don't plan to go past the ol' kiss and cuddle. Girls who are older think I'm a kid. Space alien princesses who aren't even human in the first place? I thought I had a shot.

Apparently, I had more of one than I thought.

"Look, we can resolve this peacefully."

"Ah, yes, how does that insipid music go?" He held out a hand. "There'll be peace when you are gone."

(! Exotic energy detected! ¡)

Yes, I know! Evade!

I've never been in an earthquake. Hurricanes have largely been on the far side of a window. No tornadoes. So if I had to compare the attack to anything, anything at all, it'd be an artillery barrage. And that, of course, would be entirely theoretical.

But I'm pretty sure arty doesn't toss cargo containers around like ninepins.

It wasn't just throwing them, mind. Some of them sheared and shifted and broke, and I had the thought an instant before Joyeuse informed me.

(! Gravitational fluxes detected! Caution advised. ¡)

Got it.

I watched a dead body slide slowly out of one particular container and float upwards. I hope he wasn't alive before all this. Joyeuse, tag that for later.

(! D'accord. Call incoming. ¡)

Who...?

"Spectrum? This is Lieutenant Tritter."

The HUD's caller ID read that she was calling from a police car heading in our direction.

"I'm just going to assume it wasn't you who called us to the port?"

A confused silence on her end. "No?"

"I figured. I'm kinda busy right now."

"I figured. Whose boyfriend did you piss off?"

...Huh.

"Hello? Are you still there? You didn't actually-"

"It would explain a lot. And you just gave me an idea."

"Seriously?"

"Face me, child!"

And then a redheaded body comes floating into his view.

I can kind of hear the whole area go still. Elf-lord says something quiet, and just floats down to the Princess' location. To her quiet body, light leaking from the wound in her side. I've got myself anchored using a low-profile avarice construct, with will ready to deploy if I need a shield.

He reaches her, touches her. Then, according to the scans, his face creased, and he said aloud "A resourceful deception. But you have not a fraction of her light."

And that's when Ellie phased out of his hands, and Gabe opened up with his fraktalweapon.

Little effect on target! he called. He had good aim, even though he was holding onto the rim of a container with one hand. He's in some kind of probability flux! I can't get a good shot at him!

Aw, crap, he did his research. Elf-lord seemed more amused than anything else. How much orange do I have...?

The small sphere that I threw in his direction was nothing more than a desperation play. It was also "white" on the bottom and would be purple and pink on top with a white M if it wasn't an avarice construct.

Huh. It actually worked this time. Well, half of it-

Elf-lord looked down at it. "And what is this supposed to be-"

The ball popped open, and orange light began tracing over his form, drawing him in-

"No!"

(! Capture 14% complete. ¡)

He tried to fly away, but I just shifted the fear to desire and fed it into my little surprise. It was a nice little pyramid scheme, until he was finally sucked in, and the ball snapped shut and dropped to the ground.

Along with everything else.

"Y'all okay? I called. The ball was rocking slightly, and I held my breath-

(! Capture 100% complete. ¡)

I swear, I could hear the catchy little jingle.

"I'm fine."

"Me too."

Gabe was nursing a bruise on his shoulder as he appeared. I nodded at him, and approached the sphere. Liv was crouched next to it, staring.

Just staring.

I picked it up.

"Did you just capture an alien space-elf in a Poké Ball?" Liv said, in the voice of someone trying to decide whether they should laugh or cry.

"No, of course not."

"Good, bec-"

"I captured an alien space-elf in a Master Ball." I toss the sphere up and down once, and run my thumb over the M as I grin at her. "Get it right."

-PR-

Aaand there's the requisite alternate universe version. I'm currently low on ideas for this fic, so I'm open to suggestion here.