Random Quicky

The Mario Faron Revue

(or,

A Crappy Comeback Chapter After a Five-Year Hiatus)

Night had fallen on the Smash Mansion- maybe, we're currently in the auditorium, a room closed off to natural light, so it could just as easily be the middle of the day. Hard telling. The majority of the student body was in attendance, looking up at the stage, upon which was only one smasher- Link Faron, sitting behind a drum set, off to the edge. He glanced off to the side, and grinned as his companion in red came tapdaning on stage, flourishing a cane, his customary cap traded out momentarily for a top hat. Link began tapping out a beat as Mario danced around his cane.

"Why don't ya go where fashion sits? PUTTING ON THE RITZ!" Mario broke into a scream as he tossed his hat out over the audience- nobody made any bid to catch it, allowing it to flutter onto an empty seat. "Welcome, one and all, to the Super Glam, Grandslam, Mario-Faron Revue!"

He sang the words out, dancing with Kirby and Meta as they danced to the beat laid out by Link on his drums. With the line finished, they jumped and vanished into thin air.

"Glad to be here again, all," Mario waved as he produced his traditional cap and set it on his head. "As you know, it's been some time since our last chapter... in fact, I'm pretty sure that World War 1 was wrapped up quicker than this hiatus."

He paused for laughter, but received none. He sighed. "You can laugh, you know... it's okay to laugh. Here to show you how, I have Tidus from Final Fantasy X!"

A blond man in truly bizarre clothes made his way onto the stage and began laughing like a maniac. "HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Mario gently tapped his shoulder, and he turned and headed offstage. "Of course, I'll admit that in context-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mario's eye twitched. "As I was saying, in context-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mario pursed his lips- the resemblance to an angry Samus was truly uncanny. "In context-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...In-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mario snapped. "I JUST STUCK UP FOR YOU! I WAS JUST STICKING UP FOR YOU!" he yelled, and threw a fireball offstage at Tidus, who yelped and exited the auditorium in search of the nearest bathroom.

"Y'know, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but look what happens," Mario growled. "Guess it's time to break out that catchphrase that I learned while we were all away... *Sigh...* Yare yare daze..."

Link interjected with a rimshot. Mario took a deep breath. "...Of course, you all know that I'm Mario, I suppose that I should introduce my partner today, Mr. Skinz."

*RIMSHOT, RIMSHOT, RIMSHOT!*

Mario sighed again. "As you can tell, he seems to enjoy his part a little too much."

Link smirked and played a short drum solo. Mario growled and produced some more fire as he stepped menacingly towards his drummer, giving Kirby and Meta Knight ample time to tap-dance on stage themselves.

"Kirby, you're a big thorn in my side!" Meta growled with an over-the-top grimace.

"No," Kirby smirked, "that's a big thorn in your side!" He pointed to a large thorn stuck in Meta's waist, much to his shock. The two grinned and produced canes of their own as they tapdanced back offstage.

Mario sighed as he stepped back to center stage, declaring, "And that's the humor you can expect from the Super Great, Super Late, Super Glam, Grandslam, Mario-Faron Revue!"

He paused. "I'm sure you're wondering where our third team member is- a Ms. Wise-dom." He rolled his eyes. "Never letting her come up with her stage name again. Anyways, she's on lighting-"

The lights suddenly turned red, and Mario sighed. "Ms. Wise-dom, I'm red. Nobody can see me."

The lights turned purple with yellow polka dots.

"And now the stage looks like vomit."

The lights went out altogether.

Then Link started jamming out on the drums.

"...I hate you both."

A spotlight appeared on Link, adjusting his sunglasses as he continued on the drums.

"Yare yare daze..." Mario sighed as the lights finally returned to normal. "Look, we're gathered here today to address the elephant in the room- the hiatus we just went through, and what we'll be doing going forward. To help explain everything, I introduce someone who will hopefully not stab me in the back, Melia 'Birdgirl' Antiqua!"

Melia cleared her throat and stepped out, raising her staff as a screen lowered on the stage, various odd images appearing- she raised her staff to indicate specific portions. "As you can see, an army of youthful turkeys are waging war on the Fairy Tail guild utilizing an army of Breezy Zoloses and missingnos. Our only recourse was to conceal ourselves within Garreg Mach Monastery and strike back where we could with our businesschickens and the Mad Dog of Shimano."

Mario stared at her for a long moment, a drop of blood running down his bulbous nose. "Calm down, Mario, Luigi likes her, he'd hate to hear you badmouth her..."

He cleared his throat. "Thank you, Melia, that perfectly sums up what's been going on the past five years-"

She was already tapdancing off stage, her face absolutely straight as she used her staff in place of a cane, Link once again jamming out on the drums. Mario groaned.

"And that's what's going on here at the Random Rhyme, All-the-Time, Super Great, Super Late, Super Glam, Grandslam, Mario-Faron Revue!"

He narrowly dodged a rotten tomato being flung up onstage- he thought from a Sierran, but he couldn't be entirely sure. Honestly, even if it was Bowser, he couldn't blame him at this point.

"Now, before any other stupid crap happens, I'd like to finish this by telling you where we go from here- namely, we're not going anywhere. I've got our author's cat hostage, and while I have anything to say about it, we're going all the way to the end- the way I understand it, he's already got the next actual chapter part written- should be up in the next week or so. Seems like that Hogwarts Legacy game that has everyone up in arms finally encouraged him to get off his fat a-"

"These aren't even jokes!" called an audience member, and the rest of the audience seemed to agree, jeering and booing. Mario glanced at Link, then at Zelda at the back of the studio, shining some light on her Disney Corporation Guide to Success: If all else fails, insult the audience.

"If you say so," he sighed. He pointed dramatically at the audience. "ALL YOUR MOTHERS WEAR ARMY BOOTS!"

Rotten fruit, heavy books, and a great deal of smelly boots came careening up onstage, forcing him to duck and dodge to avoid a nasty shower later today- or tonight, whichever the case may be.

Link grinned. "Would you like a drum solo now?"

"Yeah, screw it, let's wrap this thing up."

He hopped to his feet. "Mr. Skinz, we've got everything out of the way, let's wrap this all up!"

Link nodded and began tapping out a rhythm on his drums, as Kirby and Meta played some accompanying music on the boombox they'd stolen from Ganondorf.

Mario snapped his fingers a couple times, and began dancing. "They love us, they love us, they can't get enough of us! All ya gotta do is look in their eyes, to see they idolize us! They're smitten, they're smitten, they love that pup and this kitten!" (Link and Mario himself, respectively, if you're wondering.) "For five years now, it's been hit and miss, never thought we'd be back like this, but now we're the top of the heap! They love us so darn much, they just can't sleep!"

Finally, in quick succession, they each took a tomato to the face, knocking them into the backstage.

"Urgh, why did I want this story back again?" Mario grumbled, trying to get the nastiest out of his moustache.

XXXX

We. Are. Back. I am so, so sorry. I promise I already have the next chapter part written- should be up within a week. All my feelings on this latest hiatus should be expressed there. I just wanted a more lighthearted, ridiculous chapter, rather than the first chapter after such a long hiatus being right back into the depths of horror. Also, I wanted to relieve myself of any outs here- a quick look at my profile will reveal that my new year's resolution is to get back on the wagon and finish this series I started- indeed, partially due to Hogwarts Legacy, and even more due to the Potter-thon I engaged in to celebrate the game's release. See you in a couple days to a week- until then, don't you dare go hollow- going hollow will result in another hiatus. Gamer4 out.