I looked at the land below, regret filling my heart. I trotted along the trail of stars as an unfamiliar ache stung in my heart. Thoughts appeared and disappeared. The star-filled afterlife should only accept the best cats, and leave the inferior cats to rot in the ShadowedJungle. I belong there, the malice filled jungle. I have betrayed all my friends and all the clans, but most importantly, I have betrayed all of my family. EclipseClan and FeatherClan have fallen. It's all my fault. I have done things I would always regret. Regret. Regret doesn't seem like a big enough word to describe the guilt racked up on my shoulders. What happened is all in the past now…right?
Memories flashed back Trekking through snow up to my waist, I called out to my apparent best friend, Rainy Day. The blizzard raged on, sending my hope spiraling away. I thought I would never make it out, nor ever see my group again. However, what seemed like no less than a miracle happened. After a few heartbeats, the blizzard started showing signs that it was ending. Then I saw a shadow of another feline. Whatever happened next, I don't remember.
Before I could collect my thoughts, another memory was brought back, one from a really long time ago. A little kitten danced in the sun, playing and enjoying its short, but carefree life. Senior cats gossiped and slept through the quiet start of the day, but Before long though, a bad-intentioned fox had come rummaging through the camp, looking for a morning snack. No one was paying attention to this little kitten, as no one really cared. So the fox took the kitten, and it was never seen again. Little known to the rest of them, though, that small kitten had been my first best friend, and my last true one.
The next memory that the trail decided to show me was a long time ago, and was a memory I had long regretted. Cats hissed and growled, clearly arguing with one another. A single cat stood in front of their clan. Before long, the argument had erupted into chaos, the cats were yowling insults at each other, not listening to reason. But another heartbeat later, the leader of my small group whispered something to the other leader and then called my group to retreat. A small defeat. I looked away, unable to watch what happened next.
Head spinning, I still continued to trot on the trail of stars. A flowing river sped down my cheeks, flowing down into the empty silence. These memories…they felt like they were long, sharp thorns pushing into my soft pelt. It's as if I had a wound, but none was able to be seen. If only I could have stopped this, stopped the clans from fighting… and stopped them from falling into the depths of memories.
Tears continued to roll down my fluffy cheeks, memories bringing back memories, as I continued to trot up the path of stars. These galaxy-filled hallways only brought back memories I had tried my hardest to forget. Thoughts, memories, fears–that's the only thing the path shows. The endless path led on to more heartbreaking memories, each convincing you that your own life was filled with lies and grief. If I could take things back and have another try, another life, would I make the same mistakes? Or would I make new mistakes?
As quickly as the last memory ended, another one began. An elegant she-cat in the nursery, feeding her newborn kits. Everyone I had cared about in the nursery, awaiting their fate as they grow. My mother, my father, my sister, my brother, my friends–I let you all down. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. The words 'I'm sorry' don't even feel strong enough for all the pain and suffering I have caused to my family, my friends, and all the cats at the meadow.
That memory fled deep into the depths of my thoughts. Another re-emerged from the depths. This was my warrior ceremony, where I got promoted from a fully trained apprentice to a young warrior, whose job is to protect and hunt for their clan. But, foolish me decided to cause chaos, choosing violence over a simple matter that could easily be solved. A simple conflict over prey had caused the clans to eventually spiral down, slowly disappearing from the memories of all the remaining cats.
Memories came and went, as if the trail of stars was trying to show me something–trying to inflict certain… feelings onto me. Guilt was inflicted, causing me to start shaking. The feelings overwhelmed my heart. Mental pain filled my thoughts. Regret filled my head. My head started to spin, I was confused and lost in all of these feelings and thoughts.
The final thing I remember prioritized itself. My group had settled down in a cave near the mountains. Everything I had felt in this memory, I was feeling. Regret, loneliness, and grief. All these emotions, I could feel through this memory. There I was, waiting for all the other cats to return. Except, they didn't. They had left me behind to fend for myself. They believed that I caused bad luck. And, I do.
The trail leads you to question your sanity, your confidence, your persistence, and your motives. How did your life impact others? Why did your life happen? What was the point of it? The trail of stars lets you ask yourself these questions. But now I realize, in all of these memories there is something the clans did, and always will. I now realize that the clans have survived through much worse than this, and that everyone makes mistakes. The weight that had stored itself on my shoulders let go of its grip. I felt like I could fly now. I smiled for the first time since I made that mistake, but now, the guilt in my chest was easing. As the clans will live, so will everything I love. I know I belong here now. And here I'll stay.