He hadn't been looking for Miles Morales, that was the thing. If anyone ever asked him, then sure, Ritsuka Fujimaru could lie and say his spider-sense led him to the churchyard, but…
Honestly, he was there to lay a flower on Spider-Man's headstone and offer a small prayer. Ritsuka was not unfamiliar to the concept of doubles or alternate universes to have really been fazed when he found himself blasted into another timeline. Before he fully committed to being Spider-Man, he was the Master of Chaldea, leading the charge in keeping Humanity from imploding with an army of overpowered heroes of old by his side.
But that almost felt like a lifetime ago. Back to the start of it all, to when he got bit by that damn spider when he first ventured into Chaldea. Days of near endless shenanigans with Mash, fishing with Cu Chulainn, cooking with EMIYA, just… talking with Roman and Da Vinci and so, so much more that he misses even to this day, had been replaced with never-ending rent and bills to pay, the villain of the week causing mayhem in the streets, getting yelled at by J. Jonah Jameson over in his stupid podcast and stewing in the melancholy and regret Ritsuka knows will never fully wash away even if he wanted to.
It wasn't all bad, of course. Fate was a cruel bitch, but his small relief from his own dark thoughts and misery were when he spent time with the Parkers of his world. He really had to appreciate Mrs. Parker—Mary Jane for never giving up on him all those years ago when he had decided to cut himself from ever growing attached to anyone back then for a mistake he paid dearly for.
Maybe Ritsuka was really that self-loathing and touch-starved, or maybe Mary Jane Watson-Parker and Peter Parker were just genuinely good and stubborn people who couldn't take no for an answer, but even after so many attempts of shrugging them off; the memory of the night he broke down and curled into Mary Jane's arms, sobbing like a petulant and inconsolable child, fearing she might disappear altogether if he let go and he'd be alone all over again after his first fight with Wilson Fisk that left him bloodied and bruised… well, it made him glad that the Parkers never gave up on him.
They had managed to break through his barriers and soon he found himself coming back to his apartment after a long night of patrolling to a steaming plate of casserole or a cut of meatloaf, usually a note from that said good job saving the day, hero! Signed by the both of them. Ritsuka found himself visiting their house just a few blocks away from his apartment just to chat.
Visits that slowly went from occasional, to frequent, and then it finally went to the point where Peter and Mary Jane had set up a small bedroom reserved for him in the attic that once upon a time housed all the various science equipment and little trinkets Peter had acquired when he was Ritsuka's age.
He found himself being called frequently by Mary Jane, or Peter or both. On other days even May and Ben Parker—who welcomed him with open arms after Peter and Mary Jane introduced him to them, joined in being the only contacts in his shoddy Samsung. Often times the calls were just to see how he was doing, if he needed any money or food, both of which he denied their offer to give to him every time, but that didn't really stop them.
He found himself with people to care about.
He found himself with a family again.
So, the idea of mourning Peter Parker, even one from another wholly different universe, made his heart clench and his stomach to churn. He hadn't expected for his horrible luck to rear its head that fast just as he had the oh-so ever pleasant experience of getting sling-shotted through time and space to another world but he guessed he was too naïve to believe fate to be kind to him. Not when the first thing he saw after gaining his bearings was the news of the death of Spider-Man.
The death of Peter Parker.
He couldn't escape it even if he wanted to. Everywhere he went, the face of this blonde, blue-eyed Peter was plastered on every screen, news outlet and print. The night during his death there were mutterings and soon the day after, the funeral for Peter Parker is held at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Ritsuka attends the funeral. Just the day before he finds himself heading back to the cathedral where they buried Peter at.
He kept himself at a distance, of course. He hid, he didn't bother changing out of his outfit, not when nearly all of the people attending were also in their own red and blue costumes. He blended in perfectly with the many costumed citizens, amongst the massive crowd that attended in respect for New York's hero. He made sure to stay far away though, his enhanced hearing could still pick up Mary Jane's words when she gave her eulogy either way.
He averted his eyes when May Parker came to the podium and ducked out early when she started her own speech. He couldn't stay. Not when the memory of what happened after Devil's Breath was still fresh on his mind.
Attending the funeral of two Parkers in a few weeks' gap was too much for him.
Ritsuka was familiar to alternate timelines, yes, but it still fucking hurt after finally seeing the gravestone of the man he grew to see as someone he couldn't imagine not having in his life up close.
It also hurt when he got zapped to near unconsciousness by the kid in front of the gravestone that set off his spider-sense, but such was the life of Spider-Man.
He has Maxwell Dillon to thank for when it comes to building up his pain tolerance on getting fried over the years, and okay, maybe Ritsuka was overreacting just a tad bit when he instinctively pinned Miles to the ground, but the hum of his spider-sense going off once more had stopped him from accidentally punching the kid in the face.
Meeting Miles, well, this world's Miles is… the kid was something else. He couldn't be any more different than the one Ritsuka was mentoring back in his own universe. His Miles was a scientific prodigy, but this younger, way more inexperienced version of him seemed to lean more on the arts judging by the small artworks and doodles he saw in the room scattered on the floor the kid had planned to unceremoniously tie him in if he actually did get knocked out.
His Miles was a bit more awkward, nervous at the prospect of being a hero. This Miles was too, but the eagerness to learn from an older Spider-Man overcame it, he had a certain air of confidence in him that was for sure. It impressed him, if had to admit it.
They had their differences at first. The moment Ritsuka learned that this universe's Miles was only bitten just recently made him backtrack on letting him come with. Time was of the essence, and the face of Jefferson Morales flashes in his mind when he sees Miles, and then the regret and guilt bubbles up his throat all over again.
The kid was just fourteen for god's sake. Was it hypocritical of him? Sure, didn't stop him telling Miles no the first time though.
But the one thing both Miles shared was the good intentions that radiate off of both of them like waves—Ritsuka swore he can see it with his spider-sense. His kindness was on the visible spectrum. It reminds him of back when he was still in Chaldea. Along with his stubbornness and defiance to his refusal for help, he knew that the kid wouldn't stop no matter how many times he got shot down.
In the end, he relented.
They settled on a destination—Alchemax, it was their best bet. It's where Ritsuka would hopefully be able to make a new override goober that Miles had embarrassingly admitted to breaking the original. Apparently, the school computers probably weren't going to cut it. Unfortunately, the bus going there wasn't leaving until the morning, so they had time to kill.
Miles had been lucky to talk him into going to an all-night coffee place after raiding his uncle's closet for some less conspicuous clothes and a pair of sunglasses. The bomber jacket hid most of his top and the baggy jeans and godawful timberlands was more than enough to hide the rest of his costume.
The kid had mentioned that he had met Peter the night he got bit, and that he was going to be mentored before Peter's…
Ritsuka shook his head, focusing on the younger Spider in front of him as he grinned at him at the information that he was also training a Miles in his universe. He swore the kid's smile was infectious or something.
"So, you're telling me there's a Miles in your world too?!" The kid's eyes lightened up as he stared at him from across the table, eyes practically sparkling. Ritsuka gave a nod in return as he sipped his cappuccino calmly. "That—that's perfect so that means you can also teach me—" He lowered his head, leaning further in a hushed whisper. "Spider-Man stuff."
Ritsuka lets out a small chuckle, even with all the caffeine pumping through his veins he was still a bit weary, who knew getting shot into another timeline could be so exhausting it's been a while since he's crossed dimensions—years even, and he stops himself before he goes into another melancholic tirade, focusing on Miles instead and nodded. "Alright, what do you want to know?"
"Your webs—you know," Miles starts imitating the classic Spidey hand signs as he lets out little thwips. "Do you uh, y'know…"
The older Spider-Man rose an eyebrow before rolling up the sleeves of the bomber jacket and turned his wrist, showing the red small mechanical device strapped to his costume. "I have my web shooters. Made it with a help of a friend." Da Vinci would have probably balked at him referring to her as just a 'friend' and not a genius and a million other titles that she probably wanted him to address her as, but explaining Chaldea was worth five more coffees along with two bagels and right now, Ritsuka didn't have the patience or money to do so.
Miles perked up at that. "Oh! Okay, cool I just… thought they were organic or something like that."
"Organ—" Ritsuka blinked. "What made you think that?"
"I dunno, different universes, I guess?" The younger Spider shrugged. "If you had organic webbing I was going to ask if you also shot webs out of your… y'know since regular spiders…"
"First of all, dude; gross." Ritsuka cut him off, crinkling his nose in disgust. "Second, we'll also probably need to get you your own web shooters now that I think about it—so thanks for the reminder." The next question was where to get a pair of web shooters, but that was something future Ritsuka had to worry about.
"Got it." Miles nodded. "…You think there's a Spider-Man out there who does have—"
"Probably, yeah. Infinite universes and all that."
It went on like this for a while. And he had to admit, it was fun to answer all of the questions the kid had. And when they ran into another Spider-Man who looked like a hobo along the way out of the coffee shop, Ritsuka immediately recognizes the familiar shade of brown hair, even if the edges are graying and tired circles haunt the frame of his eyes, along with the red and blue costume underneath the raggedy green coat. His Peter never had a Spider-Man outfit of his own, but it did remind Ritsuka of days long past.
And he's as calm as he can be once he and Miles managed to introduce themselves to Peter B. Parker after all of their spider-senses went off, but internally Ritsuka wanted to bang his head and scream. Because this Peter is older and fatter, not to mention scruffy and far more jaded, but he's Peter Parker anyways. He wants to wrap his arms around this Peter and never let him go, but he doesn't because this isn't the Peter Parker he knew.
They take the bus to Alchemax, because one of them didn't have web shooters and the other was too lazy to use his, so Ritsuka gave up on that notion rather quickly.
When they do arrive there, it's actually fun sneaking into Alchemax with both of them. Was it stressful? Sure, he had taken it upon himself to sneak into security and oversee Peter's trek in to the facility, and yeah it was a bit nerve wracking seeing both Peter and Miles getting found out but… it's freewheeling and chaotic in a way that feels genuinely thrilling and not just like another day courting lady death as usual.
And it's kind of nice, actually, to hear himself narrating his own methods, his instincts, the training he went through when he was still in Chaldea and the things he had improvised after the fact. He hadn't realized he knew so much. It's been a long time since Ritsuka felt like he was part of a team again.
And sure, it's far from perfect. Peter wanted to do things his own way and Miles insisted on helping despite being far too inexperienced to do so, but honestly—the little arguments Ritsuka had with the older and scruffier Spider-Man during the journey to Alchemax and even the way there was way tamer than back when he had to be a diplomat to literal gods and goddesses who could level a city and he'd rather argue with a hobo Spider-Man than with someone who could destroy half of New York on a good day.
But it wouldn't be a day in the life of Spider-Man if it didn't feel at least a little like Lady Luck was cackling at him, planning on making his life miserable. Or at least, that's what he thinks until he, Peter and Miles are rescued by something akin to perfection in a white and black suit.
And when the new Spider-Woman removes her mask, it's a face Ritsuka Fujimaru wouldn't have imagined seeing in anything other than his dreams and nightmares.
"Gwanda?!" Miles yelps in surprise.
"It's—"
Gwen.
"—Gwen, actually."
Something inside of him falls—pulls taut—and snaps.
"Oh, you know her? Very cool." Ritsuka hears Peter say and he can't help but agree wholeheartedly because—
Because it is cool. She's cool. Gwen Stacy is the coolest. Everyone should know Gwen Stacy. If they did, they would be so lucky.
It's just hard to do that when Gwen Stacy is dead. At least the Gwen he knew. One not even in his universe and one whose entire memories and the love he felt for and gave in equal measure was from a version of Ritsuka Fujimaru that wasn't even him. To him, she's been dead for years because he had failed and gotten her killed.
He can still hear it; still dream about it even—sometimes Gwen screamed and it felt like he could still hear it ringing in his ears even after he woke up in a cold sweat, other times it's a small gasp and nothing, just a small sliver of hope that Spider-Man, that Ritsuka Fujimaru would save her as he always did. Then a whoosh of the air, and then a twang, a soft, horrible snap, and Gwen falling silent forever.
The magical atmosphere surrounding Chaldea had increased these nightmares of his tenfold back then. And on some nights, he could almost see her just standing there—in the dark corner of his living quarters. Her blonde hair that once shined looked dull, her skin pale as a corpse—it was wrong for her to look like that, he remembered telling Mash once. And all Gwen ever did was stare at him, never uttering a word, watching him every time he laid in bed, haunting him for a mistake one version of him made, and one that he'd never forget for his entire life.
All four of them are web-slinging away now. Ritsuka didn't even care that Peter gives him a concerned look at his sudden quietness as he stares at Gwen and Miles snarking at each other, more specifically just Gwen. She was here, in the flesh, smiling and so alive—
He can't remember the last time he felt like that. Hell. He can't remember the last time he remembered feeling like that. Miles' little speech to Peter from the air vents comes back to him, all at once—
I can't sit there and just let Spider-Man die without doing anything about it. I'm not doing that again.
Well.
The Gwendolyne Maxine Stacy Ritsuka Fujimaru knew had loved science and her father and giving Ritsuka shit in… basically that order. She was kind to a fault, quick as a whip when it came to whit, and the kind of beautiful that's not supposed to exist outside of storybooks and fairy tales.
She was a nerd, the kind that had a meticulously-curated life plan that involved getting her doctorate in the medical sciences so she could save the fucking world, and him tagging along because she knows he's the only one that could reign her in. She had practiced ballet since they were in kindergarten and she was as elegant and smooth in her performances as she was in school.
Gwendolyne Maxine Stacy was the perfect mix of a dorky and classy and he loved every single side of her.
She didn't have a stud on her eyebrow, nor the punk rock edgy motif her Spider-Woman counterpart had, and the Gwen he saw now may not have a black headband that his Gwen would always pester him to fix for her, but both had short blonde hair, a gap between their front teeth and the mischievous twinkle in their eyes that only made him fall harder and the uncanny ability to be better than him at literally everything—multiversal Gwen Stacy traits, apparently.
He's caught glimpses of multiple universes when he experienced Kaleidoscope; Second Magic for just a mere few moments. Realities strung on threads weaved in one, cohesive web that held them all together. He's seen Peter Parker before he even knew of him, Spider-Men and Spider-Women of all shapes and sizes. At that moment, it made him feel less alone. Then he saw versions of himself, and one where he had the joy of having Gwen Stacy in his life.
He'd loved her. And the only time he almost felt something familiar to that feeling was when he was with Felicia Hardy, but he'd rather not think about her right now. Gwen though, his Gwen, he didn't care if it all stemmed from memories and feelings from another version of him, because he loved her so much, he could've burst with it… and because of a stupid, repulsive, unbearable mistake his other self had done, he'd had the wasted privilege of growing into the man he's become, while she'd stayed sixteen forever.
Ritsuka made a vow that he isn't going to let anything in this dimension touch this Gwen.
Not a fist, not a blade, not a wall nor a web.
He's not doing that again.
Never again.
Gwen says she'll keep him posted about the whole friendship thing, and Miles knows he should leave it there, he shouldn't push his luck, but there was still he so many questions racing in his mind. And no offense to the Peter he was with right now, but Gwen seems way more competent than hobo-Peter… who was still snoring behind them without a care in the world.
Plus… he sort of just wanted an excuse to keep talking to Gwen.
"So… Ritsuka, huh?" Gwen jerks her head softly to the one other competent Spider, just across from them. The Spider-Man in question, sat on the opposite line of seats on the bus across from them, arm propping his head up as he watched the scenery go by through the window, head in the clouds.
"Yeah, and he's really cool!" Miles nodded, excitement in his voice before he toned it down in a hushed whisper. "If it weren't for him… well, I'm pretty sure Doc Ock and the Tombstone guy would have crushed us to bits along with the goober." He shuddered, while him and hobo-Peter were busy trying to get out of dodge with Octavius' computer, Ritsuka had basically taken up as their rearguard in getting out of Alchemax. He essentially two-v-one'd two villains and to Miles that was pretty damn cool.
"Well, I think you guys would have made it. But it's better to be safe than sorry."
"Sure, but did you see how he kicked their butts." Miles says, shadow boxing in the meanwhile. "I'm glad that Peter's here—don't get me wrong but Ritsuka's an awesome mentor." Okay, so maybe the guy only taught him the basics but it was still way better than baby powder and whatever Peter also advised him that he tuned out on the way to Alchemax.
"Sounds to me like you got a man-crush." Gwen smirks and Miles felt his ears turn red as he sputtered.
"Wha—I—" He stammers. "Pfft—no… it's just that Ritsuka's way more experienced in this whole Spider-Man thing but also isn't, you know—" He discreetly points towards the dozed off Peter, it earns him a chuckle from Gwen, "—and… I wanted to get a few tips is all."
"Nah, I get ya." Gwen smiles at him and Miles almost leans down on the bus seat in relief. "Like I said, it's pretty hard figuring out all this hero stuff on your own. It's nice to get help once in a while."
"Yeah… also isn't really hard to choose between a cool looking Spider-Man," He gestured to the still distracted Ritsuka. "…to well…" Then moved his arm to once again present the snoring Peter in all his glory. The two of them let out a small laugh when the oldest of the group snorted before turning around in his sleep.
"Hey now, Peter's just as cool." Ritsuka finally spoke up after an hour of silence in the older Spider-man's defense. "He's… just going through the motions… I think. That or that's still the headache from getting hit by Tombstone still affecting me." Another snort escapes the sleeping Spider, and Ritsuka lets out a small chuckle. "Wow. Even the way he snores is exactly the way my Peter snores." He leans over to poke the scruffy Parker.
Miles chortles at that.
"You know your universe's Peter?" Gwen asks. Ritsuka nods in response.
"Yup, not a Spider-Man… but he and MJ—Mary Jane, they've helped me out a bit so, you know…"
At this, Miles perked up. "Oh yeah, Ritsuka also knows his world's me, and he's also Spider-Man—er, Spider-Man in training at least." He chuckled awkwardly. In the inside, he didn't know why he shared that tidbit to Gwen, but since she was smiling, he counted that as win.
"Seem to know a lot of people." Gwen says. "Do you also know a Gwen Stacy too?"
A few seconds of silence fills the bus and Miles swore he saw Ritsuka tense for just a moment before he shrugged. "Nope… can't say I haven't." Ritsuka's eyes seemed to look at anything than at Gwen herself.
"I've never met a Gwen Stacy."
Miles lips form into a thin line, something felt wrong but he couldn't quite place it. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Gwen frowning before she clicked her tongue in a façade of disappointment. "Darn. Oh well, guess two out of three's not bad." At that, Ritsuka lets out a quiet chuckle, before he goes back to admiring the scenery beyond them.
Miles doesn't know what happened but he knows he must have said something wrong and the guilt starts to stew in his stomach. His first instinct is to reach out—to go to the older Spider and just hug him or something, to put a hand on his shoulder—but he holds himself back. Ritsuka's gaze flickers back to him for a moment, maybe he noticed his hesitant action to go to him though, because he gives him a tired smile, and a nod of acknowledgment.
He decides to leave it at that as the bus ride goes on.
Ritsuka softly bangs his head on the window as he mutters curses to himself. He catches glimpse of concern and curiosity that Gwen shoots him with that she thinks he doesn't notice but he does. A bitter smile plays on his lips.
Even in another universe he can't get Gwen Stacy to stop worrying over him, huh?
He doesn't know why fate had it out for him or what the hell kind of atrocity he had committed in a past life to have this much of horrible luck, but there's one thing he's sure of now.
In every other universe, Gwen Stacy falls for Spider-Man. And in every other universe—it doesn't end well.
When the door to the Parker Residence starts to open, Ritsuka shuffles nervously in his spot between the other two younger Spiders as Peter heaves a sigh. The pit in his stomach only sank further as the familiar face of May Parker appears. "You guys are all very sweet… more fans today, please." She starts to say, before she fully takes a look at the people in front of her.
She drops the bat she'd been hiding behind her back and Ritsuka clenches his jaw, trying to look at anything but her.
He's still getting used to the fact that May is dead, his May. Even after weeks of non-stop chaos that plagued New York after Devil's Breath only lifted his grief over the kind woman that felt so much like a grandmother to him… it's still an adjustment. This world's May, she's so similar to his own—albeit with graying hair that completely overtook the fading auburn locks he associated her with—rocks him back on his feet.
"I'm not ready for this," Peter heaves a sigh, and Ritsuka couldn't help but agree with him for the second time of the day.
"Peter…" May says softly as she approaches them, a warble in her voice. The pit in Ritsuka's stomach only sinks further.
"Hey, Aunt May…" Peter greets back, no doubt a million thoughts also running in his head just like his. "So, this is going to sound crazy… but I'm pretty sure I'm from—"
"—An alternate dimension." May finishes for him. And at this point, Ritsuka isn't at all surprised at May's clairvoyance at this point. Her words to him before her passing ringing faintly in his mind.
"Yeah." Was all Peter could let out as May caresses his face softly. Ritsuka, Miles and Gwen remain silent.
"You look tired, Peter."
"Well, I am tired."
All of them were.
May looks down as she pokes her nephew in the stomach. "And older. And… thicker." Ritsuka let a small chuckle slip.
"Yeah, I've heard that already." Peter rolls his eyes but his smile still remains.
"Oh jeez… are those sweatpants?"
"Yup. That's what they are…" Gwen speaks for the first time. Ritsuka's eyes flickers to her and the same look is also on her face. There's heartbreak and guilt written on her features clear as day, and it just reminds him that she's still a kid.
God, they're all just kids.
Miles speaks up, a downtrodden look on his face. "I—I was there when it all happened. I am so sorry." Ritsuka wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. The kid barely even knew what he was doing, no one could blame him for not doing the impossible, but instead he stays silent.
"And what dimension are you from?" May asks.
"Brooklyn." He replies, before shoving a hand in his pocket and bringing out the broken flash drive, presenting it to May. "Did… did Peter have a place where we could make another one of these?"
May takes it from his hands. "A goober…" She mutters, before looking up at them, a steely determination in her eyes, then nods at them.
"Follow me." She instructed.
After Miles bolts, they all occupy the lower floor of May Parker's residence, all of them left to their own devices as May goes about the kitchen making hot chocolate from scratch. Peni examines May's small TV with a fascinated stare—it must be like looking at some ancient relic considering the time period she lived in—the Peters idly discuss a battle plan as they huddle in the center of the living room. Gwen tries to keep herself busy by inspecting her web shooters just by the kitchen counter. And Ritsuka… Ritsuka watches May.
He was in his own world, brooding and sulking at the corner of the living room, but he always found a certain kind of content in watching May Parker go about her daily life, just the peace and quietness contrasting his own life makes him yearn for something like hers. He feels a stab at his heart, deep and hard hitting, at how rarely he's visited his own universe's Uncle Ben after May's passing—between being Spider-Man and the rising war in the city between the splintered Maggia families, Felicia's death and the crushing weight of his own guilt, he's barely made time to stop by the senior Parker's house anymore.
Watching this May pull ingredients from cabinets and turn raw materials into something nourishing and delicious is… peaceful, grounding. When Ritsuka Fujimaru looks at May Parker's hands—hands that have once assisted in comforting him in his times of need, hands that have sewn back together torn clothing and torn skin—he thinks of spiders, spinning their webs. How there's something heroic in it, this… biological need to create and mend.
Soon, May hands Ritsuka a mug of cocoa, and he's surprised to see a sprinkle of cinnamon and nutmeg at the top. It was the same drink his universe's May made him when he was introduced to her. A drink that his Peter insisted was one of the best things to ever exist.
"I don't know if you like cocoa, but it's Peter's favorite, I'm sure the Peter in your world tried to sway you into thinking this was the best of the best, am I right?" She smiles sweetly at him, playfully winking at him at the last part, but the pain of losing her nephew was still there, even if she tries to hide it. "He's always begging me to make it just like this whenever he came back home after a long day of saving lives."
"Thank you." Was all he can say.
"Come here," May gently urges him to the dining room, pulling a chair and patting it. "I'm sure you must be tired from… well, everything." Ritsuka obliges her, setting himself down and letting himself relax.
For a minute or two, Ritsuka allows himself the dubious luxury of letting his head back in the clouds while he drinks, the conversation in the room muting into an incomprehensible drone as detaches himself away from it, beyond it all. When he tunes back in, they're discussing Miles—whether he'll come back, whether he'll be ready in time to be of any help to them. Against his will, his fears from before come rushing back, a cold shiver running down his spine as his mind goes back to his failure of preventing the attack at City Hall, the blood that shouldn't have been shed if he had just been more prepared, the father who shouldn't have been lost and the son who had to take up that burden and responsibility.
What the hell was he thinking? Miles… bless the kid's heart but he wasn't ready for this. At all.
Once more, the face of Jefferson Morales flashes his mind's eye. His peaceful face, his body wrapped snug in his casket as they laid him down to eternal rest, then—his bloody face among the wreckage of City Hall and—
"Need to take a breather." Ritsuka announces suddenly, careful to keep any cracks in his voice in check as he pushes himself away from the table with a screech of wood against the tiled floor, though he's pained in the inside when the others look at him. Peni looks at him in concern, as did Peter, whilst his pig counterpart tilts his head in confusion, the monochrome Parker's face is hidden by his mask but his lenses stare at him, before a nod of understanding replaces it.
May takes his abrupt departure in stride. "Well, if you need to get some shut eye then Gwen and Peni can go ahead and sleep in the guest bedroom; you and the boys will take Peter's room. Do you know where it is?"
"Yeah." Ritsuka replies curtly. May lays a hand on his arm before he's out of her reach, and a small smile is on her face as she looks at him with an assuring gaze. "Make sure you get plenty of rest, okay?" She says, and for a moment he sees his May standing in her place. He had never fully told her just how familiar he knew his world's May, but by now she probably knew or at least—had an inkling that he was more than just an acquaintance to the Parker family—yet she never questioned nor prod, as if she was waiting for him to say something.
Ritsuka could only nod in response before he turns away from her and heads to the living room and past the other spiders.
He ignores Gwen's gaze practically burning the back of his head.
He's quiet as he ascends the stairs. But his heart feels like it's running a marathon with how fast he feels it beating. He's greeted with familiar small hallway and he finds himself automatically heading for the Peter's room.
The feeling when he finally steps inside… is bizarre. It's a sight he's very much familiar with, the first time he had gotten evicted at his first apartment, the Parker family offered a hand and helped him back on his feet. He often stayed here in May and Ben's residence when Peter and MJ were still renovating their own household.
And some things are exactly as he knows them to be in his world—the scattered hand-built trinkets and gadgets that cover the dresser, the poster of Einstein sticking his tongue out on the wall, the Ninja Turtles bed spread—all of it felt like he was looking at a time capsule. May must have been careful making it look just as pristine as when Peter was just a child. The differences he saw was the trophies on the shelf, it wasn't for the debate team, but for robotics competitions.
The Uncle Ben he sees in pictures strewn around the room seems to have perfect vision, his hair was completely greyed and he even had a pony tail too, whereas the man he knows wears thick, coke-bottle glasses and neatly trimmed salt-and-pepper hair, styled in a way as if he never left the seventies. Another stab to his heart, a sharp pang of longing, regret, possessiveness, affection.
It hurts.
"Fuck…" He swore, then he turns on his heel with a clenched jaw and a blurry vision, but only manages to take a few steps before he's met with a familiar face just by the mirror.
It was Gwen. Gwen's face, well, another Gwen's face, in a photograph tucked in between the frame and the glass. He shakes his head, hastily wiping his tears and walks forward, almost mesmerized, like something was pulling him to it until he gently pulls it from its place.
This world's Gwen also had the same shade of blonde hair and blue eyes. She looks a bit older, give or take maybe few years ahead of him by the time this photo was taken. It was still strange to see, he fully admits, to see the same angled cheekbones and the jawline he remembers vividly in a more mature look. A preview of what could have been—what should have been. She's posing dorkily in the photo, diploma in hand whilst her other arm is reached to the sky, in the motion of throwing a graduation cap in the air. Smiling for the camera like it's the first day of kindergarten as she enters the next stage of her life. One that she would never leave.
He's surrounded by a graveyard of people he failed, Ritsuka realizes. The various mementos and trinkets stored in Peter's room and Uncle Ben's worn green coat hanging by the door reminds him that he had failed to save May Parker but of course he saved the man that was the cause of her death, the face of his Peter and Ben Parker's despaired and mourning eyes flashes at the back of his mind. The black headband daintily hanging at the corner of the room is covered in slight dust, and he could just see Gwen, smile in her face and the twinkle in her eyes playfully demanding him to put it on her head, before she surprises him with a chaste kiss on his nose as he does so.
His hands shake before he knows it, and he swallows a lump in his throat before he prepares to place the photograph back where it belonged—but he couldn't. One sight of Gwen was enough for his guilty conscience, but no matter how much he tried, he found himself walking to the bed with the photo in hand. The mattress creaks and groans as he sits on it. Ritsuka blankly stares at it—as if trying to etch every detail of her face, no matter how dated or old the quality of the photograph was, to his memory.
"Hey."
He jumps, and when he turns around, Gwen Stacy is standing awkwardly at the doorway. It's been a long time since anyone managed to sneak up on Ritsuka, but all he feels is that he's surrounded by the people in his life he has failed—no wonder his spider-senses didn't warn him. "Hey. Do you, uh—need something?" Was all he could manage to stammer out.
"N-No," Gwen says back, clearly just as flustered, "I—um, saw you when I went up to get some sleep myself—and the door was open so…"
"Oh." Ritsuka blinks. "…Alright then. Cool."
"Yeah, cool." Gwen blows a strand of hair away from her eyes, ears red.
"Yup."
"Yeah…"
For a second, they stand there in awkward silence, staring at each other.
Gwen breaks first.
"Listen—I—" She tries to find her words, "Can we talk?"
"About... what?" Ritsuka raises his eyebrow at her. He feels his heart beat quicken.
"Ever since Alchemax, you've been acting kind of… off." Gwen explains, "You know? I—I don't how to say it but it's like you clam up or something."
Ritsuka's lips form into a thin line. "Sorry I—I really don't know what you're talking about." He shrugs half-heartedly, as if he concedes—but he's already opening his mouth to keep talking. "It's just the way I am, spiders aren't really social if you catch my drift." Inwardly, he facepalms himself.
He sees Gwen's eyebrows furrow, her eyes quirked into a look he recognizes—one that he had been subjected to plenty of times. "Uh-huh," She draws out. "Yeah—no, you say that but you were pretty chatty with Miles, joking around and all that," She took one step to fully enter the room, and Ritsuka felt the world around him grow smaller, but still he maintained his aloofness. "Peter too—when he woke up that is."
"I know Miles and Peter—"
"You don't know these versions of Miles and Peter." Gwen cuts him off. "And even then, you're doing this cold broody schtick like on the way here whenever I talk—like you can't stand me or whatever." She paces around the room. "Did I—did I do something to wrong you?"
"No. Not at all," Ritsuka says, "If you felt that way then well—sorry. All's well that ends well, right? So now we can just forget this whole thing and—"
Gwen interrupts him again. "No—no. We're already here, and I—listen. There is something about me that's bothering you, and since we're basically trusting each other to get all of us out of this mess I feel like we should at least hash things out, alright?"
Ritsuka scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Or I can put my mask on and as I said, forget about this like it never happened, good choice if you ask me."
Gwen looks up at him, an irritated expression written on her face. "Look dude. I get it. We're not friends or whatever but that doesn't mean you get to treat me like I'm an idiot just because you have issues with me." She sighs, "I know something was off when I brought myself up at the bus and… well, I'm just assuming but—you, you knew me. Well, one version of me, didn't you?" She stares at him, then pointed at the photo he was holding. "I saw you looking at that photo of this dimension's Gwen… and… I recognize that look you know?"
He doesn't say anything. Gwen continues.
"And… knowing how absolutely shitty things goes for people like us, I—I also think I know why you don't like talking about… well, me. A-And I think maybe now we could both get some closure here, for both of our sakes. I may not know my universe's you… but I failed to save people too. So, we rip off the band-aid or say our thoughts or whatever." She shuffles apprehensively.
He opens his mouth, but his words die in his throat. It takes him a while, but Ritsuka shakes his head before he replies, "Look, I appreciate you doing this, but I promise you it's not that deep." He tries to hide the waver in his voice. "So, I'll pass."
"Because it won't make me her, or because you don't think you deserve it?" Gwen snaps, pressing the topic—then immediately closes her jaw shut, surprised at her own audacity. Ritsuka can't hide how he flinches or how he felt his heart stopping for just a moment.
"What is wrong with you." He mutters after a moment of silence.
"I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that, I—"
He crinkles his nose, face forming into a scowl. "You don't get to—we're not friends—you said it yourself. You can't just say shit like that."
Gwen rubs her arm, the guilt all too apparent in her face. "I know, okay? I just—I was getting tired of this cat-and-mouse game we've been playing ever since we've met each other and I thought—"
Ritsuka misses the end of the sentence. He would have paid attention, but the feeling of a thousand white-hot needles piercing under his skin, his world spinning out and blurring at the same time as every atom inside him goes haywire, splitting itself apart and mending back together as it tries to bring itself to an abyss it couldn't cross—hits him all at the same time. He fails to swallow down a scream that escapes his lungs and tearing out of his throat, sounding like he had digitally compressed himself over and over again as he doubles over and crashes to his knees.
"Ritsuka?! Ritsuka are you—"
Gwen crosses the distance between them in a split second, but he stops her in her tracks with a raised hand that even then, was splitting between universes.
She drew back as if she was scalded, but the distress was still clear on her face.
A few agonizing moments pass, then the seizing ends. Ritsuka gives himself a moment to just tremble on the floor, allowing his body and his atoms to subside and realign as he tries to regulate his breathing. When he wrenches his eyes open, Gwen is right beside him—hovering worriedly, hands looking unsure as if she wanted to pat his back or just hold him before she settles on offering it to help him up, but he ignores it.
He can't handle the way she's looking at him—all worried and soft. Like she really knows him. He bristles at it, even. It doesn't mean anything; she's not his Gwen, he's not her Ritsuka—if she even had a Ritsuka Fujimaru at all.
Bitterly, that might have been what saved her, he mused.
Still, the pain is still there, lingering like a festering wound. He stays on the carpeted floor, shaking ever so slightly, clutching his stomach as the silence and tension rings thick within the bedroom. He tries to find himself, tries to find a way to somehow escape all of this, but in the end, he closes his eyes and heaves a small sigh.
"I—I knew Gwen Stacy," Ritsuka whispers after a bout of silence, loud enough that Gwen hears and looks at him in surprise, despite her earlier suspicions. "We… I—" He tries to find his words, his eyes landing on the framed photograph of Peter Parker's wedding day. "She… she was my MJ." He confessed.
It took a moment for the realization to click in Gwen's head, but when it did, she looks at him in a way she never had after all of the few hours he had known her. He doesn't know what to think of it, nor what kind of emotion to identify it as. His recent glitch was the roughest he's ever experienced and his ears are still slightly ringing and his body still feels like it's been pulled apart and hastily put back together. The only thing he can focus on now was Gwen.
Just Gwen.
"And—I… I lost her. I couldn't save her—I failed her." He shakes his head and he feels worn down, broken, the sensation of Gwen's gloved hand rest on his back, but it feels like a ghost all the same. "I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for that."
A sardonic smile plays on his lips as he continues, "And you know what's the shittiest part?" He rhetorically asks, Gwen stays silent. "Well, long story short—it wasn't even me, magic is a bitch, isn't it?" He lets out a hoarse laugh. "It's just a version of me, a me in another life, another world who was lucky to have you—her in his life. And I got to experience everything he had with her. I felt everything he had felt—the love—the pain… I felt it all. And when I failed you, when I—I let you fall—"
His vision got blurry again, and this time he didn't feel his molecular structure splitting apart.
"And I was haunted by you. Everywhere I went, I saw you just at the corner of my eye and—" Ritsuka shuts his eyes tight, hoping that it would stop the tears from drooping down his face.
"Whenever I look at you, I see her." He rasps. "And it's—it's not fair. Not fair to her or to you, because I know you're not her but—" He lets out a choked sob. "I'm scared that if I ever try, if I even speak to you, I'll just doom you just as I did her and—"
He's crying too hard to say anything else.
Tentatively—ever, so slowly—he feels her kneeling down to his level before she reaches up, cupping his cheeks in her hands. "Hey," She whispers, her own eyes teary and wet. "I… I'm still here. Okay?"
A part of him bitterly admonishes himself at letting someone as wonderful as her cry.
"Don't." She starts, "Just—please don't do this to yourself."
She caresses his temples with her thumbs. He feels her grab his own hand, guiding it to her face. Her eyes look back at his, and he traces the curve of her cheek, his thumb edges to her right brow and shields the stud on top of it. He does his hardest to imagine the short blonde hair he's familiar with on the shaved side of her head, then her black headband. And—oh, there she is. With her brilliant blueish gray irises, the slightest of freckles spread on her nose and the sides of her face. His eyes burn at the sight of her, nearly three years of repressed guilt and pain spilling over.
"Gwen… I—"
He lets out a sob.
Gwen crushes him in to a hug, mumbling soothing nonsense as she buries her face in his chest. A lot of it sounds like it's okay and I forgive you and it's so dumb, it's not real, but that doesn't mean he needs to hear it any less. He sobs into her shoulder as fully closes his arms around her and bunches the fabric of her white and black outfit firmly yet gently, afraid as if she'll disappear if he lets go as he cries his fucking eyes out.
He lets himself be held.
"I'm here, okay, Ritsuka?" Gwen whispers, repeating herself and now he's one hundred percent sure she's crying too, which just makes him even cry harder. "You've got me. And—I'm not letting go, you caught me and I'm not going to fall this time."
"I—I'm sorry, I'm s-so fucking sorry…" He hiccups, and she squeezes him harder, he lifts her up off the floor the slightest bit because of their height difference but neither of them care.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
Slowly but surely, Ritsuka gets a hold of himself, the sobs slowing to sniffles and gasps as Gwen rubs gentle circles on his back. He feels utterly ridiculous, but more than that, he feels—
He thinks he feels better.
That's… that's a new one. He didn't mind it at all.
He clears his throat softly as both of them slowly lose their embrace, but still held on to each other.
"Sorry… I shouldn't have done that." He mumbles, looking away from her.
"Don't go all macho man on me now," Gwen berates him gently. "We both needed that. And—and it felt good just letting things out for once."
"I know what it's like to lose someone I care about, and I know how much it'll tear you up inside, so..." She intertwines her hand with his, and slowly, Ritsuka felt Gwen's fingertips caress his cheek as she gently guides him to turn back to look at her. "Make you a deal, what say we watch over each other this time around, hm?"
Ritsuka gave a raspy chuckle, and before he knows it, a small but tired smile grows. "Yeah… yeah that sounds like a plan."
He thinks back on the small vow he took back when he had just met Gwen back on Alchemax.
Not a fist, not a blade, not a wall nor a web. Never again.
Well, looks like it goes both ways now.
"So… I—um, don't mean to pry; but what was that part about magic being a bitch or whatever?" Gwen asks him, a sheepish smile is on her face as they still clung loosely to each other. "Don't tell me you also got like, wizards and actual magicians hanging around in your world?"
Ritsuka lets out a small chuckle.
"Actually…"
He tells her everything. About Chaldea, magic, the Grand Order and every wonderful people he had the pleasure of meeting and bonding with along the way. He tells her about Mash, this sweet girl who has been by his side during the start and end before he continues to Roman and Da Vinci. Then Kaleidoscope—Second Magic in all its nature. He tells her about the things he saw, her and him. And then the end of it all.
Because apparently, getting your identity exposed and Chaldea's true nature being comprised can tumble into a near multiversal rip through time and space that he paid the price for dearly; when everyone who ever knew and loved him has ceased to know who he was. A bitter taste still leaves his mouth when talks about it.
All the while Gwen listens intently, a smile lingering on her lips and fascination in her eyes and wonder all over her face about his seemingly more extra—extraordinary world. She even asks questions in between—was King Arthur actually a girl? Nero too? Like, the Roman Emperor? Hold up, how many King Arthurs do you know? Wait, Joan of Arc has two sisters, and one of them wants to be Santa? Actually, do you just have a list of these people I only vaguely know about because I half-ass History class a lot and I am much more fascinated with this?—and so on and so forth, he answers back just as eagerly.
Ritsuka realizes it's been literal years since he's ever actually told anyone about this, any of this even, about his life before he was fully Spider-Man, and it feels like a massive relief off his shoulders.
"Hello? Ritsuka? Who's—oh. Uh… whoops," A voice comes from the doorway. Peter—the hobo scruffy Peter—peeks his head and most of his upper body from the door to the bedroom. "Just wanted to let you two know that Ham crashed on the couch, Noir and May are tucking Peni in." Peter informs them, rubbing the back of his neck as he awkwardly takes in the sight before him. "So… I'm guessing you kids two made up?"
Ritsuka and Gwen look at each other, then at Peter, before both of them let out a small laugh. "You could say that—yeah." Ritsuka nods and holds an arm out, inviting the older Spider-Man into their hug. "You want in on this, scruffy?"
Peter lets out an awkward chuckle as he shuffles in the doorway. "Eh… I dunno, looks like I might be intruding on something pretty personal here."
The younger Spider-Man rolls his eyes. "We… we're hashing things out and I know that you also have a few things to talk about so…" Ritsuka draws out, wiggling his fingers. Peter looks at him surprised, before he chuckles.
"Ah… well, as long as I'm not third wheeling…"
Slowly, he steps in, kneeling down and puts his arms around them. It's awkward, and stiff at first, until suddenly it isn't as he relaxes into them. His gloved hands wrap around Ritsuka's shoulder and tangle into Gwen's hair—or, well, what's left of it—and for several long moments, they do nothing but breathe each other in.
For a moment, Gwen squeezes Ritsuka's hand, and despite the pain of being ripped from his universe, he's glad to have been sent to this dimension with this Gwen Stacy and this Peter Parker. His scars will never fully fade and his inner demons will never completely go away—
But in some shape or form, he's healing.
When dusk falls and night settles, Ritsuka finally slips under the cover of Peter's childhood bed. He'd won the rock-paper-scissors match just an hour ago between him and the two Parkers and had acquired the right to sleep on the only mattress in the bedroom. Monochrome Peter—Noir, was just at the foot of the bed, laid on a sleeping bag May provided. He looks content for the most part. Actually, he kinda looks goofy with the colored pajamas he's wearing that contrasted his greyscale appearance, nonetheless though, he looked peaceful, but there's a scrunching in his face, a twitch here and there, as if he was ready to spring into action at a moment's notice.
Ritsuka guessed that was a common habit for all the spider people here.
Peter B. Parker, on the other hand is situated just by the wardrobe, he had discovered his favorite pair of socks that he had lost in his world sitting pristine and clean in this world's Peter's wardrobe and had called dibs on it immediately. He's not asleep, but propped against the closet door as he held the photograph of blonde Peter and his Mary Jane's wedding day photo, staring at it as if he's seen a ghost.
"…Does she look different?" Peter asks after a beat, looking up at him.
Ritsuka sits up, and returns the older Spider-Man's stare, but doesn't seem embarrassed or anything. Just has a soft, almost rueful smile. "Yeah, kind of. The Mary Jane of my world—she isn't a model or an actress or anything, but she's an ace reporter who can sniff out the tiniest detail. She also likes putting her hair up in a pony tail usually and—" He sees Peter looking at a random spot on the floor with a look, no doubt contemplating the imagery in his mind. "She has a tooth that sticks out a little? This tiny thing. She used to be really self-conscious about it, but Peter—my Peter really thought it was cute."
Peter doesn't say anything, but there's a look of mournful reminiscence on his face that Ritsuka was familiar with. "Are your Peter and MJ, you know…" He trails off vaguely before holding two fingers up on each hand and separating it slowly.
"Huh? No, there, uh, isn't any superpowered shenanigans in my Peter's life unless you count well—" Ritsuka gestures to himself. "So, they have it figured it out, mostly, but… they're happy." He says, a small smile on his face. "I'm guessing you guys…" He also trails off and gestures to Peter himself.
He had taken offense to that. "First of all, rude." Peter rolled his eyes but there's no bite to it. "But—yeah, no, we haven't… yeah." He sighs, despondent.
The picture has ended up a few inches from its original spot; he can tell by the negative space of dust. In it, she's grinning widely, she's beautiful with a white dress that only made her crimson hair pop as she holds a bouquet of flowers, blonde Peter in a black suit just beside her with the same grin, his arms are linked with hers.
"…It's hard." Peter adds.
"I can imagine." Ritsuka shuffles in the bed. "There's this saying that Peter told me when Felicia and I—er…"
Her name escapes his mouth. It's the first time he's said it in weeks and he clams up.
At that, Peter perks up and looks at him in slight alarm and surprise. "Felicia? As in, Felicia Hardy?" He says, before he squints his eyes at him. "Wait, don't tell me—are you two—"
"Uh, yeah. We are—were, at least." Ritsuka darts his eyes away from the older hero. "And before you say anything, I already got berated by my Pete and MJ about fraternizing with her or whatever, so you can skip that lecture, thank you very much."
Peter holds his hands up in mock-surrender. "Woah, slow down there, kid. I get it, my Felicia and I go way back and well—I can guess that… things between you and her didn't go so well, didn't it?"
Ritsuka sighs, propping himself up against the wall just beside the bed, "Yeah—I guess you can say that… funny thing is, I actually managed to get her to give up a life of crime for a while, you know?"
"Really?" Peter looks at him in genuine surprise.
"Yeah, back then, we—we weren't really all that serious, she was just looking for some fun and I was still reeling from Gwen, but when things did get serious, I wanted to ask her to be with me, I wanted to help her because I know deep down there's a good person inside all of that." A rueful chuckle escapes his lips. "Well, she played me for the fool and high tailed it out of the city after a while. But… I guess that's on me for playing into her game."
Maybe he was too detached during the first start of their relationship, or maybe he just got too clingy and vulnerable that it ultimately made Felicia run, and sometimes he tries to replay those scenes in his head with her front and center like he does with Gwen, where he went wrong, how he could fix it, what he could have said and all the things she said. He even wondered at times if Felicia ever truly felt for him, or if he was just a game she liked playing, but Ritsuka should have known by now—
With Felicia Hardy, the game was rigged from the start.
A game, a lifetime of mistakes and choices he couldn't turn back.
What do you know, story of my life.
Ritsuka doesn't bother mentioning her coming back to New York, to him, just weeks prior before he got sucked into this universe, nor her deception and him falling for it again, or her… death. His body and mind already reached its capacity for human interaction and trauma dumping and right now he feels like he can't take even one more second.
"Hey now." Peter settles into a position that directly faces him, a stern but caring look on his face that Ritsuka sees his Peter wear often. "That's enough, kid. What your Felicia did—that's on her, alright? That's not on you. It's on her." He tapped his temple with a finger. "Don't beat yourself up for mistakes that aren't yours, trust me when I say this—you can't keep going back on the 'what ifs', you just gotta keep moving forward and I know you can because—"
For a moment, Peter falters, looking for his words as he looks Ritsuka directly in the eyes.
"You're a good kid, Ritsuka. You know that? I—I know you beat yourself up a lot of the time but just—keep on going, you'll make it—I know you will."
Within that moment, Ritsuka sees his Peter shine through the older and more broken-down Parker, and he realizes, that maybe, just maybe this Peter can make it through.
I'm rooting for you big guy.
"I—yeah, thanks. Easier said than done but… I needed to hear that." Ritsuka softly bangs his head on the wall. "Well… yeah, that's about it. My Peter, he told me that there's always new—"
"—ways for it to be hard—and I get that." Peter finishes with a small smirk. "Yeah, Ben used to tell me that, and it really is true, isn't it? You'd think you're out of the woods just yet but there's so many things you could do to screw up."
"God, yeah. So many," Ritsuka sighs. "I thought that sitting in my room in high school and pining for Gwen was gonna be as hard as it got."
Peter huffs out a small laugh, staring at the window and into the night sky and moon with a faraway look. "You know what I miss? From before all this Spider-Man stuff?"
"What?"
"Do you remember being able to feel just one singular emotion—whether it was anger, or jealousy, or I don't know, desire. It was always one thing, cutting to your core. But then afterward—after the bite, you had all this…" He trails off.
"Guilt," Ritsuka supplies. "Responsibility. Inner conflict."
"Yeah. Exactly."
Peter heaves out another dramatic sigh, allowing the air to blubber through his lips until he feels deflated. There's a weird version of his spider-sense humming ever so slightly—Spidey Lite or Diet Spidey even. Or maybe it's just strange to have someone know precisely what he means without having to explain.
"That all would've happened anyway, as we grew up." He speculates.
"It would've," Ritsuka confirms. "Probably without so much of the life-and-death peril, though."
"Hey, you have no idea what kind of life I could've led," Peter jokes half-heartedly, but Ritsuka replies just as fast, "You're wrong," he muttered, a serious but soft edge in his tone. "I've seen you live that boring life, and—it's happy. You're happy, and—and Mary Jane is as well, and sometimes I wish I had that too."
They fall silent. Ritsuka flicks his eyes to the figure just at the foot of the bed, where the sleeping form of Noir is at. He allows his mind to be buoyed away from the conversation, distracted by the reminder that there are millions of dimensions in the universe. He wonders how Miles is doing, Peter and Mary Jane and—Uncle Ben. Worried as all hell maybe. There are definitely a hundred messages on his phone from MJ alone asking where he is, if he's okay and if he's alive, and how he's so going to be grounded after all of this.
But they're good, hopefully. Good and alive.
That's all that matters.
Peter moves out of his sleeping bag, and into the door, careful to open it without waking up their other roommate. His vulnerability seems to reveal itself willingly but also passes without incident, sort of like an eclipse. "You hungry?" He asks.
"Basically always." Ritsuka was already getting on his feet and off the bed—superhero metabolism is a bitch sometimes. "Is there pizza?"
When Ritsuka wakes up the next morning, for the longest time, he thinks he's still dreaming. Part of that is because he wakes up to the loud snoring of Peter B. Parker as dawn breaks and he has to trip over a grayscale version of another Peter Parker sleeping on the floor to reach a neatly folded up clothes and then his hands glitch through them when he tries to put them on.
Most of that is because when he comes downstairs, Aunt May is making breakfast.
And he knows this isn't his world. But even though there's snow outside and the wallpaper in this house is all wrong and Ben wasn't there sitting on the recliner, newspaper in hand and coffee in the other—looking up at him walking down the stairs with a smile and a pat on the shoulder, he's still slammed backwards to a hundred mornings like this one. May in the kitchen, Ben in the living room, the Mets game on the radio and the smell of home.
Gwen was one thing. Life like his, he's been rehearsing what he might say to Gwen if she showed up on his doorstep for a long, long time—like with Roman Archaman or Olga-Marie Animusphere, but as it showed, he wasn't at all as prepared as he thought he was. May though… that one wasn't his fault and there was nothing he could've done about it. At least, that's what he's trying to convince himself. All he could do was fight on as she wasted away, fading by the minute without his knowledge until it was too late, until there wasn't enough left of her to keep going but a few words to say that it wasn't his fault.
It's not his fault.
He still remembers May's words in his head, that she knew he'll do the right thing. And that in a logical sense—it was the right thing. He saved millions of lives, he could have doomed more than half of the city if he had chosen to administer the antiserum directly to May, but he didn't. And that doesn't stop it from hurting, from making him think that if he was just smarter or faster, he could have saved her from the monster he created.
Ritsuka wished he could have punched Otto Octavius' face one more time before sending him to the Raft.
"Are you just going to stand there all day watching me, or are you going to help?" May asks, a familiar amused sharpness in her voice, and he snaps to attention. Walking forward mechanically and accepts the spatula she shoves in his hands to stir the eggs.
"Sorry…" He murmurs abashedly.
"It's alright, I know you Spider-Men are useless until we get a few gallons of coffee into you. You're just like Peter, you know?" She teases. Then her face falls. "Or. Not like Peter, but…"
He knows the feeling.
Just rip off the band-aid already, he reminds himself. He can do this. This time he'll be the healthy talks-about-his-feelings guy. If Gwen and Peter had coaxed the fleeting remnants of who he was back then as the Master of Chaldea, then he can do it for May.
He isn't sure what's going to come out of his mouth until he says it.
"It's… okay," Was what he started with. "It doesn't have to be weird… where I'm from, you're dead, too."
You're such a fucking idiot, Fujimaru.
She blinks at him. Then, drolly opens her mouth and says, "Well, shit."
He can't help it; he bursts out laughing. And then she's laughing, and they're making breakfast, and it really is just like any other morning.
It's funny. He's dreamed about this so many times since New York had relatively gone back to normal after Devil's Breath. Bargained for it, begged for it. What he wouldn't give, for just one more day with her. Not to make any big confession, not even for closure. Just to be able to bask in her presence a little bit longer, to appreciate her for all that she was, all that she made him. Normal and safe and loved.
She asks him about Peter and Mary Jane of his world. About Peter's job as a Bio-Chemistry professor in ESU and Mary Jane's work in the Daily Bugle. And then he talks about Ben, about how he's so proud of the man Peter's become and how happy and healthy he is—there's a slight pain in May's eyes when he does so and Ritsuka almost trips over himself in trying to apologize, but she stops him, because she's just happy that in one world, she had gotten the chance to spend more time with the love of her life for just a little while longer.
They don't say anything else after that. They don't have to. But every once in a while, as they move around each other, she'll squeeze his hand or his shoulder just that much tighter than it is necessary, and he knows she's on exactly the same page.
"If you live with Peter, then I'm guessing you also have the habit of never making toast without burning it." May chuckles when she sees the mess he's made. "I guess that's a staple for all Parker men."
"Yeah—" Ritsuka trails off idly, but then blinks upon hearing the last part and looks at her quizzically and unsure at the same time . "I'm not exactly a, well, Parker—"
"Maybe not by blood," May cuts him off as she takes a hold of his hand. "But you're a Parker through and through. You are family, Ritsuka, don't you ever forget that." She stands on her tippy toes and Ritsuka bends forward a little so she can peck him on the forehead.
It's true. He never will.
She winks at him as she eats the charred bits without complaint.
When Miles Morales comes back in the middle of lunch, sweating, huffing and shaking before all hell breaks loose in the Parker residence. Ritsuka doesn't hesitate to settle the score with Tombstone and Olivia Octavius as the all-out brawl for the goober between Spiders and villains commenced. And when he sees Miles just at the door with a terrified look on his face just behind the mask at the corner of his eye, the vivid image of the boy who he had taken under his wing comes back full force in the back of his mind—and it only solidifies his decision of what's to come next.
When he tells the others this and the inevitable disagreement on who's going to get killed comes up, Ritsuka does his best and takes advantage of the experience of wrangling in unruly legends and heroes past to get the interdimensional group into a begrudging agreement. He sees Peter's look of anger and disappointment, at himself and at the world, Noir's mask covers his expression but there's a resigned acceptance and respect, Ham and Peni try their best but he wouldn't budge no matter what.
He ignores Gwen's hurt and heartbroken look, and later on there's a desperate attempt from her to get him to back down but he wouldn't. He can't. Because come hell or high water, he's not going to fail Gwen Stacy yet again.
It's always been a Spider-Man thing to be a self-sacrificing idiot.
"I'm sorry." Was the only thing Ritsuka says.
Miles jerks left and right, he's desperate, struggling to free himself from the web cocoon the older teenager had trapped him in. Ritsuka stops in his tracks, one foot already over the window sill, mask in hand. There's a faraway look in his eyes and a million thoughts running through his head, and right now in this moment Miles wanted to know why.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wanted to help—but even at his best effort he had done little to convince neither Peter or Ritsuka that he was ready. It wasn't fair—none of this was. The shuffle in Peter's feet, the look of distress in Gwen's face and her lingering closeness to Ritsuka, Peni's own constant back-and-forth gaze towards him, Noir's stoicism, Ham's unusual silence and Ritsuka's own stone-cold demeanor already tipped Miles off on what was going to happen.
"It wasn't a group decision. I'm staying behind." Ritsuka's words rang clear and loud like a drum—and in that moment, Miles feels a kid all over again and he hates it, no matter how much he had tried, he couldn't give it his all in showing his worth when Ritsuka demanded it. And it makes him struggle even more.
Why can't you trust me?
He feels like he's back underground beneath Fisk tower, amidst the remnants of the collider's wreckage. Amidst the darkness—standing and shaking—gripped by cold and fear, beside the battered and bloodied body of Peter Parker, barely clinging onto to life.
Why won't you let me do this?
The promise he made to the man who protected New York echoes in his head like a mantra. One that—right now he felt like he couldn't hold on to and fulfill.
"When will I know I'm ready?!" Miles cries out.
Thwip.
"No one's ready for any of this, Miles," Ritsuka speaks up after a moment of silence. "Not Peter—not me."
"It's a leap of faith. That's all it is, Miles—a leap of faith."
"Get up, Spider-Man!"
Spider-Man gets up.
The place where all their universes meet—it's kind of beautiful.
"You know, I'm older than you," Gwen tells Miles with a smile in the last moments she has with him in this weird vortex of color where all the worlds seem to start and end.
He just smiles at her, that grin she's going to miss. "Friends?" He asks, but it's not a question; it's an invitation.
"Friends." She agrees. They share a nod. At the corner of her view, she sees Ritsuka sharing a fist bump with Peter B. Parker, there's a grin on both of their faces and a fire is lit in Gwen's stomach at seeing Ritsuka genuinely smile and laugh, and she hopes it stays that way for a very long time. There's a spark in his eyes now that bubbles something up in her throat and a fuzzy feeling in her stomach—she doesn't know what it is. Still, the pop and vibrance in his face and his laugh and—him just being happy, it made her happy.
Peter smiles down at her encouragingly, but there's something a little sad about it. She smiles back and nods as a goodbye. Then she propels herself forward, twisting her body around as the gravitational pull takes hold over her and she starts to say,
"See you around— "
When suddenly she stops mid-air because something's pulling on her wrist, keeping her suspended.
It's Ritsuka. His hand is around her wrist, he's catching her just before she falls, and he's looking at her face with that sad look he got when talking about his Gwen and he's saying with a kind of desperation at her, "Promise me you'll be safe in your world, alright? I just—" His voice cuts out, and she's unsure if it's from his throat unable to form the words or if it's just because of how loud the collider and their universes warping and interlacing with each other is, "—I lost her, and I don't want to lose you too."
Oh, there's that funny feeling in her stomach again.
All of a sudden, stuck there, floating in the middle of a vortex with strands of her hair tangling in front of her face, this awful, yet sweet realization dawns on her, and Gwen starts crying. Tears lift from her eyes and circle around her face, being propelled upward and then being sucked by gravity into the portal where Gwen's going to follow soon in order to go home.
"Hey—" She grabs onto to his other hand, and immediately their fingers interlock and intertwine, like webs weaved perfectly together. "We made a deal, right? I'm not—I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You can count on that."
Gwen blinks tears out of her eyes and for a brief moment, thinks about the near endless possibilities within the multiverse. She thinks of a world where, they all wouldn't have to be burdened with all of this. She thinks of a world where Peter Parker had lived and he'd be amazed at the tales of these wonderful people she's met. She imagines a world where she did meet Ritsuka Fujimaru and they were both happy.
Oh, if she were so lucky.
The hand on her wrist squeezes in comfort and what must be the weirdest understanding in the history of all the universes is shared between them—
In another world, I hope the two of us have a chance.
Gwen looks at Ritsuka and her spider-sense tingles like it did when they all met for the first time, but this time it was a pleasant sensation. Ritsuka laughs, and there's a few tears in his eyes just like her, as he feels it too.
And this time, Ritsuka lets her go—because he trusts her, because there's this wonderful, distinct feeling in both of their chests that one day, they'll see each other again rising up and it'll be a joyous moment. She starts floating backwards, knowing that in just a few moments she'll be back in her own world. Gwen looks at Peter and then she looks at Miles, then at Ritsuka one last time and she smiles large—larger than she has in a long time.
"Gwen!" Ritsuka calls out to her. "Remember, it's not a goodbye—"
"—It's a see you later…" She mutters softly, but Ritsuka hears it loud and clear, and she can't help but look at the twinkle in his eyes, how colorful and vibrant the blue of his irises is, and how his smile seems like night and day to the colder and detached Spider-Man she knew just a day or two earlier.
It suited him much better than the whole brooding schtick he had going on in her opinion.
His face is the last thing she sees as she's sent hurling back to her dimension.
Home.
See you later, Spider-Man.
If you hadn't noticed, Ritsuka's Spidey origin and story is partially based off of No Way Home and the Insomniac Spider-Man games.
This came to me on a whim and I entirely blame SpineCricket for gaslighting me to write this.
That is all—Cya.