*69

Author's Notes: Yup, I'm back with another tale that I found mostly finished on my computer. Hopefully there is someone out there who is interested in reading it!

I wrote this about in Season 2, before we knew much about tracking stargate travel and that was the only way to go, no Daedalus or stargate hopping bridge. So keep that in mind when this story unfolds because future episodes made this story OOC, hence why it got, I thought, permanently benched.

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Chapter 1: Lonely at the Top

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Honestly, I rather be good time Charlie than that over the top yelling CO everyone hates but I've seen first hand what happens when there's a breakdown of respect, of trust. And yeah, I seem like the last guy who should give a lecture on following orders but I know when I'm crossing the line, have always known. Just like I've known there might be no coming back from it.

But my team, they weren't trained as I have been. Heck, Rodney's a scientist, for Pete Sake! And Ronon and Teyla grew up on two frigging different worlds, neither of which being Earth. So I'll at least give them all the benefit of the doubt, convince myself that they didn't know they were putting the future of our team on shaky ground. And worse than the team falling out, I knew the friendships I had naively began to count entirely too much on would be destroyed too. Whoever said being a leader was all metals and promotions had never lost a man ….or cared so much about the people he led that without them, without their respect and friendship, rank just seemed another burden too much to bear.

Lt Colonel John Sheppard

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Rodney was being Rodney but this time John feared the man's ego was about to get them gutted and their bodies left to rot in the planet's desert. McKay was in the middle of a shouting match with the native's clan leader over the silliness of wearing ancient power sources as jewelry and using it for dinner plates, tables and chairs. Mid rant, Rodney was oblivious to the gathered tribe surrounding the two Atlantean, scimitars getting prepped to do some bloodletting.

Since his earlier civilized request for McKay to not insult their host had fallen on deaf ears, John knew stronger methods needed to be employed. And employed now, before he and McKay were murdered by the primitive tribe before Ronon and Teyla even got back from their survey of the surrounding areas.

Rodney was in the throes of his rant when the Colonel roughly latched onto his arm, spun him around and slammed him with maybe a tab beyond justified force into the cave wall. "McKay, Shut Up," he commanded, his tone sharp enough to cut steel and his tone menacingly low.

Stunned, not only by the physical rough handling but by the menace in Sheppard's tone, Rodney opened his mouth to sputter 'what the heck Sheppard that hurt?!' but Sheppard spoke before he could.

"You say one more word to enrage these people and I swear you'll be off my away team. Permanently," John threatened, hoping McKay knew he was 100% serious, this bullshit wasn't acceptable, not when it wasn't just the away team's lives that were in danger but Atlantis's reputation and safety were also on the line.

Tendrils of shock and, yes, fear surged though Rodney at the Colonel's threat. And by the military man's eyes, it wasn't a ploy for the Last of the Mohican's benefit. Sheppard meant it. He would kick Rodney off his team…and that…Rodney realized he couldn't bear. Suddenly knew the team meant more to him than any genius mathematical breakthroughs and miraculous saves he'd performed during his time at Atlantis.

Swallowing nervously, Rodney clamped his mouth closed tight, gave a restrained small nod to Sheppard's demand of "Do you understand?!" Yes, he understood that he had unknowingly risked losing the best thing that had ever happened to him; gaining friends that were closer to him than his own family ever had been or could be. He would die for Sheppard. Ronon and Teyla too..probably, if there was no other way.

And he had put all those truths behind his ego.

Fearing that there was irreparably damage done to his friendship with John, he was about to ask Sheppard if they were Ok but the Colonel abruptly let him go and stepped back and refocused all his attention on their host. But Rodney hardly paid attention to their conversation. All he could think was…what has my ego cost me this time?!

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It was an ominously silent trek back to the Jumper, Rodney didn't dare say a word and John, frankly, was too pissed to say anything that wasn't screaming. But there was a measure of good when he saw that his other two teammates, Ronon and Teyla, could follow orders and meet him at the Jumper after their scouting excursion. He unceremoniously grumbled, "We're out of here," as he went to pass by them but Ronon grabbed his arm, halting his entrance into the Jumper.

"Wait, I thought we'd be here a few days, pretending to be traders thing," Ronon questioned, his tone sharp in judgment.

Fighting to not yank his arm from Ronon's grip, John gritted out, "Change of plans. We've been asked to leave and maybe..maybe come back another day if they are in a forgiving mood," and here he shot McKay a glare, felt meanly vindicated when the scientist paled and looked away at his censure.

"Forgiving mood? What happened?" Teyla questioned but John was spared having to answer by Ronon's baritone.

"I can't leave. There's some Satedans in a village to the north and rumor has it there are moving soon. They don't see eye to eye with the ruling class you met with and fear for their lives," Ronon announced and it wasn't the best news John could hear right then.

"They aren't the only ones who don't see eye to eye with those heathens," Rodney undertoned, but all color drained from his face when Sheppard heard and turned his full watt glare again on him. Thankfully the Colonel had other persons to be annoyed with right then and soon put that shivering glower to work on Ronon.

Though this wasn't going to be a popular decision, John knew what he had to tell Ronon. "I get what it means to you to find some of your people but we can't stay. The tribal leader ordered us off his world, gave us just time enough to get back here before he'd start with the pitch forks and nooses." At Ronon's obvious protest, John raised his hand, "Yeah, I know that's no match for our weaponry but we want to at least try and get a trade set up with these people because they have some Ancient tech that we could sure use."

"ZPM?" Teyla interjected.

John rubbed a hand along the back of his neck in tired resignation. "Don't know, probably not but at this point we shouldn't judge a book by its cover," and he purposefully didn't throw another glare at Rodney for doing just that on this mission, when McKay had arrived at the settlement and saw the tribe's version of a settee.

Now, as if the matter was settled, though he knew it wasn't, John walked into the Jumper, sensed his team following him. But closed his eyes in sad frustration when, behind him, Ronon said what he was afraid the other man was going to say.

Ronon stood to his full height as if anchoring himself to the spot. "Well I'm not leaving without talking to these people, my people. I don't care if you wore out your welcome with the tribal chief or not."

Without turning to address Ronon's declaration, John sank into the pilot's seat, began the prep for departure. Didn't really think that if he ignored the problem it would go away but crap this was turning into the command mission from hell. Wasn't surprised when Ronon came to his side, looked down at him with that determined expression of granite of his.

"I'm not leaving, Sheppard."

In the back of the Jumper, Rodney was frantically shaking his head at Ronon, trying to tell the man that now was not the time to test Sheppard's leadership, not after the crapstorm he had brought down on them by disobeying his CO at the tribal meeting. Though Ronon frowned at him, he went ahead and plowed forward. "And you can't make me leave."

'So it's gonna be like this. Fine,' John grimly accepted his weight for the day as he stood up from the pilot's seat and faced his subordinate toe to toe. "I'm sorry but when did you falsely start to think you get to do whatever the hell you want on my missions?" his tone sharp enough to draw blood and it had an effect on Ronon, made the Satedan stiffen at the obvious dressing down he was getting at the hands of his CO. "These aren't your personal sightseeing trips. We have objectives, things Atlantis needs so we don't get decimated by the next Wraith attack. So stow away your personal agenda because we are leaving. Now."

Not having been on the receiving end of Sheppard's displeasure since the very beginning of their association, Ronon was shaken, was torn between loyalties and also pissed off that Sheppard couldn't see what this meant to him. That Atlantis wasn't his top priority, his own people were. "And I said I'm not leaving," Ronon growled, knowing that he wouldn't risk losing his chance to meet some of his own people, not even for Sheppard's friendship or his superior's respect.

John's jaw jumped as he ground his teeth. So there it was: the ultimatum he had dreaded. "Then get off my damn ship." And John felt no satisfaction at Ronon's flinch, just raw sorrow and bitter regret that things were going this way.

Ronon hadn't predicted John's comeback, would have thought it impossible, that their friendship.. 'Would mean less to either of us than our own people's welfare?' And that comparison had him coming up short.

Teyla, always striving to be the peacekeeper, joined the two men at the front of the ship. "I think Ronon is just asking for a little more time today before his people move to another location he can not find."

But John's eyes didn't flick to Teyla, stayed locked on Ronon. "He can have all the time he wants or he can follow my order and take a seat because I'm not ruining a possible trade agreement with the tribal leader by not keeping my word and leaving his planet when I said I would."

Angrily, Ronon turned on his heel brushed past Teyla and Rodney and stalked out of the Jumper. He pretended not to notice that Rodney reached out for him but then pulled his hand back, thinking better of trying to stop the Satedan.

Upset by the turn of events, Teyla quietly said to Sheppard, "John, you know how you would feel if you were in his position."

"I'm in the position of protecting everyone on Atlantis and, oh yeah, Earth, so let's not do the comparison thing," John snapped, knew it was peevish of him but his patience was at nill for all this insubordination bullcrap.

"I see, just like my leadership of my people matters little in comparison to your people's needs," Teyla shot back, rehashing their earlier disagreement when he made her choose a mission over a traditional ceremony with her people.

John so didn't want to go twelve rounds on this again. "Maybe things haven't been clear. I didn't join your tribe, you asked to join mine."

"After you brought Wraith down upon my people, all people in our galaxy, I had little choice," Teyla defended herself before she realized the cruelty of her statement, saw John's jaw clench at the painful blow of guilt her words incited in him.

Stepping closer to Teyla, Sheppard growled, "Yeah, I did that so why the hell did you join my team?" The question ripped the very air from the jumper and only John was able to form words. "Well, lucky for you nothing is set in stone. You want off my team, you're off. Now you coming back with us to Atlantis or you want this to be your new home?" And part of John knew he was being unreasonable and another part…knew this was bound to happen, heck, he couldn't figure out why anyone followed him in the first place after the FUBAR he had made since stepping through the Stargate into Atlantis.

Not prepared for the argument to take this drastic turn, Teyla paled, was for once without words. Was surprised to find Ronon had reentered the ship and was by her side, their stance unintentionally coming across as a united front against John. Ronon's words were low, gentle, for Teyla. "You can come with me…give Sheppard a chance to cool down."

John so wanted to rail at Ronon's patronizing 'chance to cool down' jab but honestly, time was ticking by and he knew that the tribal leader would be watching the sky, would note they weren't leaving yet. "If you're leaving, then go because I'm out of time for this," his eyes flickering to Ronon and Teyla, saw their decision was made before they both turned and headed toward the ramp. "Teyla," he called out, hated that there was hope in her expression when she turned around, "leave your jacket. No one can know you're part of my team. I don't need that intel getting back to the tribal leader."

She blanched with his command, felt like he truly was removing her from his team as she slipped the coat off her shoulder, carefully even tenderly laid it onto the bench, then with a squeeze of Rodney's hand, she and Ronon left the Jumper. And John didn't waste any more time, started the engines and took off, purposefully uncloaked the ship so the tribal leader could mark their departure.

Inside his head, John was cursing, wishing he had handled things better and yet knew the end result would have been the same. And he couldn't undo that, knew that he had to keep his priorities, couldn't let friendship and his loyalty to those friends blind him to what needed to be his primary focus. After all, Teyla had said it…he had brought the wraith down on this whole galaxy's heads, he had to try his damnest to make that right…even if he knew he never could. And if that meant he was a bastard to those under his command, that he was alone and didn't have anyone to watch his back, so be it. His sins should cost him everything, it was the way true justice worked.

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TBC

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Thanks so much for reading this chapter and I'd love to know if you would look forward to more of the tale.

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.