Sakura sighed as she looked at the white gripped fists that her boyfriend had on the steering wheel. While normally cool and collected, today he looked paler than normal. It wasn't the reaction she was expecting for the first time meeting his family. He had been on edge all day.
"You know your expression isn't exactly filling me with reassurance." Her eyes gazed down. "Are you embarrassed of me?"
A tinge of regret flashed across his eyes. "No…no that's not it Sakura. It's the opposite."
Sakura shifted on the leather seats of his convertible to turn towards him. "The opposite?"
Sasuke sighed. To say his parents were a handful would be a gross understatement. On paper, they looked a dream – two of the most prominent and successful psychiatrists in their fields. His father in child and adolescent psychiatry and his mother in neuropsychiatry. What they had in abundance in books smarts, they lacked in 'soft' skills. Both his parents had the habit of being completely unfiltered with their questions, usually to his embarrassment. And if his mother had a glass of wine in her hand – good Lord… Today though he had prepared. A two-hour dinner, in and out. They could meet Sakura, and hopefully not pepper her with too many questions. He had warned them not to. It would just be the four of them, thankfully Itachi was busy this evening. He would have added a whole other level of complexity.
"You're not embarrassing at all Sakura. My family is. Believe me."
"What do you mean? I mean you do have some pretty famous people in your family, but your immediate family? They seem so smart and successful. And Itachi is so eloquent. A prominent professor? I heard him speak at the university that one time."
Sasuke shifted gears and then turned onto a beautiful wooded street heading towards his childhood home. "Oh Sakura….honestly. They're a handful when you get to know them. But tonight, it'll just be my parents. Please don't take them too seriously. My mom tends to ask overly personal questions sometimes. It's like she forgets the world are not her patients."
Sakura smiled sweetly at her boyfriend. "Don't worry, I have a thick skin. Besides how bad can they be?"
Sasuke looked up towards the large sprawling house in front of him. How bad indeed.
Mikoto took a sip of her glass of wine and gazed at the chaos being created in her large kitchen. Obito must have bought out the whole grocery store with the amount of ingredients on the island. It was a pity, the portion size he served tended to leave everyone hungry. Dinner was usually followed by a speech about how fine dining was misunderstood and was an art form. Well given this crowd, their displeasure would be sure to be vocalized and vocalized loudly. She glanced at the exquisitely set table that was adorned with hydrangeas -one, two, three…..eight, nine settings. Sasuke had made her promise that this dinner would just be just the four of them, but was the really meeting the family? If this girl was "special" as he had mentioned on the phone, she needed to be tough. And what better for testing toughness than a trial by fire.
"Obito, be a darling, and make sure dinner is more substantial than one sprig of arugula."
Obito slammed down his spoon and glared back. "The disrespect. How dare you tell a Michelin Star Chef – No…excuse me THREE Michelin Star chef how to cook? I would never be questioned in my own kitchen."
"Hmmm…. well this is not your kitchen is it?" She smiled at Obito. "Don't worry, you'll never be respected in this house. What's the fun in that?"
"Don't I know it." Obito laughed. "Anyways…how do I connect to your speakers. I need to invoke the proper mood while cooking for my food to turn out right."
"Oh, you know I don't know that technical mumbo jumbo. You can ask Itachi. He's in the back garden with Shisui I think."
"Shisui! Oh hell no, you didn't tell me Shisui was come-"
"-Oh there's the doorbell. It must be Sasuke and Sakura. Everyone else is here." Mikoto rushed past the beautifully set table through the living room and up to the front door.
Mikoto opened the door to see her youngest son with his trademark scowl, and a young lady beside him with bright green eyes, and light pink hair. So, this was Sakura, the first lady that Sasuke had ever brought home.
"Mom" Sasuke said as he kissed her lightly on both cheeks, he turned towards Sakura. "This is my girlfriend Sakura. Sakura – my mom."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Uchiha."
She gave the young lady the once over. "I'm sure."
"Sasuke! There you are! And this must be Sakura?" Fugaku entered the room and set down his glass of scotch on the glass table. "Welcome to our home. You must come to the back den, we were all having pre-dinner drinks."
Sakura smiled. "Oh thank-you, that sounds lovely."
Sasuke's face went pale. "We were all?" He turned his head to scan the room as he walked towards the den. Multiple coats in the closet….expensive coats, the dinner table had a lot more than four settings, the sound of sizzling and chopping from the kitchen – his mother did not cook, her forte was ordering in food.
Sasuke pulled his mother aside. "What did you do?"
"What ever do you mean?"
"I told you, just the four of us."
"Did you? I remember no such thing. Besides, this is much better don't you think? It's not everyday everyone is in town at the same time."
"What do you mean everyone?"
"Well, I was talking to Itachi and the topic of your girlfriend came up, so of course I had to invite him. He is your brother after all. Then he mentioned that Obito was in town for business, so naturally I thought of him to cook if he wanted. I mean – a three-star Michelin chef cooking for your girlfriend? You should be so lucky."
"Oh God…so Itachi and Obito….well I think I can deal with that."
His mother continued. "Well, then your father buzzed in the room excited that his brothers were both going to be in town this weekend. And we couldn't exactly reschedule that! You know what their schedules are like."
Sasuke's eyes went wide. "Uncle Madara? Uncle Izuna?" he croaked weakly. This was getting out of hand. His mom, dad, Itachi, Obito, Madara and Izuna? Who else?
"And well, if they were all coming, we couldn't really not invite your cousin Shisui right? Besides, you know how he drives your Uncle Obito nuts. That's always good fun to watch."
"Mom! Don't you think that's a lot? I mean for Sakura. I didn't want to overwhelm her, and you know how everyone gets."
"Gets? What nonsense are you talking about. You seem worried over nothing Sasuke. Are you projecting your relationship difficulties? Because if so, I don't mind stepping in and asking a few pointed questions to her about –"
"No! Oh my God Mom no. Don't start psychoanalyzing –"
"Sasuke! How's my mini-me!?" Izuna boomed as he walked into the room, followed by his older brother Madara. He ruffled Sasuke's hair as he pulled him into a headlock. The two men were a sight to behold. Decked from head to toe in designer wear, there wasn't an inch of them that didn't scream money.
"Oh my God!" Sakura gasped as she stared at Madara.
Madara flashed a winning smile at the young lady. "Do I detect a fan?"
"Of course!" she squealed. "The Madara Uchiha! You were a legend in The Valley of the Gods, and nobody could forget your performance in The Infinite Tsukuyomi. You were amazing! I'm a huge fan."
Madara tossed his long black hair behind his shoulder, and smiled at Sasuke. "Beautiful, and has good taste. You've chosen well Sasuke."
Sakura blushed at Madara and then her gaze turned towards Izuna. He wasn't lying when he said that Sasuke was his mini-me. The two men looked so alike it was uncanny, except that Izuna kept his hair much longer, and it was tied back in a long pony tail. She was not unfamiliar with him either. He had graced the cover of Vogue for years, and was a renowned face in the modelling world. Although he had retired from that career, he still looked so youthful. He had started acting in a few movies alongside his brother.
"Let's get this lady a drink. Sakura, would you favour wine, or something a little harder?" Fugaku tinkled the ice in his glass.
"Ummm…I wouldn't mind trying a glass of what you're having" she said shyly.
"Ha ha!" Madara laughed. "She fits in already." He walked over to the bar and grabbed two glasses from the shelf. He poured a heavy amount of scotch into each glass, and handed it to Sasuke and Sakura.
"I guess I'm having scotch" Sasuke muttered.
"Of course you are. You're an Uchiha, not some rosé drinking Senju," Izuna added.
"Fucking Senju!" the room yelled as every single member of the family took a sip of their scotch.
Sakura looked around in shock. She quietly took a sip of her scotch also, and notice that Sasuke took a swig without question. What weird ritual was this? It was probably not the best time to mention that her mentor in medical school was Tsunade Senju. Some muffling singing came from the kitchen.
Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame
Fugaku sighed. "He's singing Top Gun soundtrack. I forget what that means. He's either in a heavy steak kind of mood or is it my whole meal is foam kind of mood."
"Oooh, Itachi and Shisui must have come in and helped him connect to the speakers. Where are they?"
As if on queue, the two men strolled into the den, with telltale bloodshot eyes. Itachi appeared in only what could be described as a smoking jacket, and Shisui could be the description of boho chic. From his long curly hair, warm large brown eyes to his printed gauzy shirt and bare feet. He was a cousin of Sasuke's Sakura had not heard of or met before. She nudged Sasuke to make an introduction.
"Oh yeah, this is my cousin Shisui. Normally he lives in some weird commune, but he appears to have left the dirt to make an appearance today."
"I don't just live in a commune Sasuke. I am a man of the people; I go where the wind blows me. My callings are many, but I give my heart to the earth." Shisui smiled at Sakura and then kissed her hand.
"And you've seen Itachi before," Sasuke said nodding to his brother.
"Dr. Itachi Uchiha you mean"
"Shut up, I'm not calling you doctor at home."
"It's ok Sasuke. We won't judge you for not having your doctorate." Itachi turned to Sakura. "He's got inferiority issues because he's the only one in the family without a doctorate."
"That's because I'm younger than you idiot! I'm still in university."
"I recall Itachi having his doctorate at your age though, isn't that right Fugaku?" Mikoto quipped.
"Oh yes, I remember. Well Itachi was always quite exceptional. I'm sure Sakura has gotten an earful of your sibling rivalry issues. Really, it's a classic case, when your sibling is a genius is so many areas."
"Ummm…not really," Sakura said softly. She reached out for his hand.
"Don't worry, we can fill you in at dinner. There are sibling rivalry issues, inferiority issues, daddy issues, mommy issues," Itachi laughed. "It's our favourite dinner topic."
"Only a few more hours" Sasuke muttered to himself under his breath. Sakura smiled and him and squeezed his hand in understanding.
"Dinner is ready!" Obito bellowed. "If you are not at the table in the next two minutes, I'm putting it all into the garbage. Art like this, must be eaten hot."
The group all headed out to the beautifully decorated table and took their seats by their names. Madara walked with the bottle of scotch and refilled everyone's glass to the brim. On the plates in front of them was a large shot glass filled with steaming soup, and the plate was adorned with one endive leaf smeared with a light white sauce.
"Oh no…he was in a 'foam' kind of mood" Fugaku muttered.
"Please enjoy this Carrot and Ginger soup, and endive salad as your starter." He turned to Sakura. "Welcome, I am Chef Obito. You may call me Chef or Obito. Whatever you prefer." Obito sat down next to Fugaku at the head of the table. The group all picked up their utensils to start eating.
Madara shot back the soup immediately. "It's delicious, but could I have maybe fifteen more of these?"
"Excuse me. This is a starter. You only get one. You need to save your appetite," Obito sneered.
"But I'm carb loading! I need to be super buff for my next movie. Spoiler Alert – The Great Shinobi War Part 5 is coming. Guess who gets resurrected again!", he winked at Sakura.
Shisui shoved his plate forward. "I can't eat this."
"Fucking Shisui! Why pray tell can't you eat this?" Obito demanded.
"It has cream in it, and I'm a vegan. A level four vegan at that."
"What the hell is a level four vegan?"
"I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
Obito threw his hands up in the air. "Ugh! Who invited you anyways. I swear I saw you at that Teppanyaki house the other day, and it didn't look like you were just eating stuff without shadows. I'd recognize those dirty feet anywhere."
Itachi and Shisui both burst out laughing. "Dude, he got you man…" Itachi laughed.
"Well people change, you can't put me in a box."
Mikoto tapped her glass. "People! We are losing sight of the purpose of this dinner, was to meet Sakura and get to know her better. Sakura, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"
Sakura looked up nervously to see eight sets of eyes staring at her expectantly. Tonight was not as she had expected at all. She thought the conversation might be a bit stilted and awkward, but it was the opposite, with them all constantly ribbing each other.
She cleared her throat "Well, I was born and brought up right here in Konoha. I'm an only child. I'm a bit of a book worm, and love reading about all sorts of subjects. I found my calling in the field of Medicine. I'm currently doing my residency – specializing in surgery."
"And how did you meet my dear little brother?" Itachi asked.
Sakura blushed. "Well we had a class together a few years ago, and he caught my eye. We kept running into each other, and had some common friends. I think I was flirting pretty hard, he was playing hard to get, but we finally did get together" she laughed.
Fugaku tapped his finger against his mouth "Hmmmm….Failure to Launch Syndrome. Classic. That's very interesting."
"I mean I'm not surprised with the Oedipal tendencies he showcased as a child," Mikoto added. "Sakura, how is Sasuke as a boyfriend?"
"Mom, can we not –" Sasuke interjected.
"This is important. How can we help you if we don't know what's wrong?"
"Who said anything is wrong! I don't need your help!"
"Classic avoidance Sasuke. Sakura?" Fugaku prompted.
Sakura shot a look at Sasuke, who looked like he was going to kill his parents. Hopefully she could quash this conversation positively. "Sasuke is an amazing boyfriend. Honestly. I've never been so happy, he's everything I ever wanted."
Mikoto tapped her fork. "And is he meeting your sexual needs?"
Sakura's mouth gaped open.
"Mom! This is not normal dinner conversation! You just can't go and ask people about their sex lives!" Sasuke snapped.
"Why not? Sex is natural, and an important part of a relationship. I quite enjoy having sex with your father, am I not supposed to talk about that?"
"Yes! Please don't talk about that," Sasuke wheezed.
"You're so repressed Sasuke," Fugaku laughed. "It's a good question I think. Sakura?"
The room fell silent waiting for her reply.
"I think her silence says everything" Itachi stated. The men around the table started shaking their heads in disappointment.
"No! That's not true! Sasuke is amazing in all respects. Let's just say I am a very satisfied woman. I have zero complaints." She glanced at all their faces again. "I'm toe-curlingly happy lets say."
Sasuke squeezed Sakura's hand under the table.
Madara let out a huge laugh. "Of course! He's an Uchiha. Of course he's good in bed. Our family didn't reach this size for being bad at sex. After all – Uchiha's do it better."
"Cheers!" they all roared clinking glasses.
"Well with that settled, I'll bring out the main course. Who likes foam?" Obito asked.