Author's Note: I'd hoped to have something wonderful to share with you all for Star Trek Day, but my 90-year-old parents have been having one crisis after another since the end of March. This means I've spent the past six months feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. So I have a tiny little piece of fluff for you; sorry it's not something grand, but it's all I'm up to at the moment.

Happy Star Trek Day!

I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl that Married Dear Old Dad

by Weird Little Stories

Jamie Kirk and Spock Xtmprsqzntwlfd had finally decided to get married. They'd cleared their engagement with Starfleet Command, and once Starfleet had given the necessary permission, the next person they'd told was McCoy. He'd told them it was "high time," then asked to be present when they told the bridge crew. So the entire bridge crew, plus McCoy, were gathered in Briefing Room 2, most of them wondering what the meeting was about, given that the ship was engaged in necessary-but-routine star charting at the moment.

Kirk and Spock strode in together, Kirk taking her place at the head of the table and Spock taking his at Kirk's right, as usual. Kirk cleared her throat, glanced around the table and smiled.

"Don't worry; there's no emergency," she said. "In fact, Mr. Spock and I have called you all here to share some happy news. We wanted you, our friends and valued officers, to be among the first to know: Spock and I are getting married."

Uhura smiled broadly. She'd guessed that the flurry of messages flying between Earth, Vulcan, the Enterprise, and Starfleet Command had been about a marriage between Kirk and Spock, but like all good communication officers, she'd kept her speculation strictly to herself. "That's wonderful news! I can't think of two people more suited to one another."

Kirk smiled, and Spock inclined his head gravely, as Scotty and Sulu gave their congratulations as well. Chekov, however, looked troubled.

"I do not understand," the navigator said. "Mr. Spock is so very, very Vulcan; a human woman seems like not the right match for him. And both he and Captain Kirk deserve the best!"

McCoy chuckled. "You just don't have the psych background to understand, Chekov, but actually, a human woman is the best possible match for Mr. Spock."

Chekov looked at the doctor. "You will explain, yes?"

McCoy glanced at Kirk and Spock, both of whom gave him subtle nods. While Chekov was the only one brash enough to voice any qualms, the two suspected that several other crew members would have the same thoughts, and if McCoy explained, that explanation would make the rounds at the same time the news of their engagement did, which was likely to smooth their path.

McCoy looked at Chekov. "Well, there are three psychological reasons and one logistical reason why Spock pretty much HAS to marry a human. The logistical reason is that Vulcan children are all betrothed at the age of seven. And given how much Vulcans tamp down their emotions, there's almost no divorce in Vulcan society. So the only available Vulcans are widows and widowers. But medical science is good enough, and the Vulcan constitution is robust enough, that almost no Vulcans die of disease before the age of two hundred or so. And I think we can all agree that Mr. Spock shouldn't marry someone who's two hundred years old!" McCoy chuckled.

Chekov grinned. "Nyet!"

McCoy continued, "Well, what other sorts of things make people die young? There are accidents, but we all know how careful Vulcans are and how well-regulated Vulcan society is, so the number of Vulcans left widowed by accidents is a tiny handful. And then there are natural disasters, but Vulcan has warning systems for sandstorms and quakes and whatnot, so anybody in danger can be evacuated." McCoy spread his hands. "There just basically AREN'T any available Vulcan adults."

Chekov nodded. "I can see that. But you said there were also psychological reasons?" He looked skeptical. "I know you are more than a doctor; you have a psychology degree, too, but we know Mr. Spock well. He is as proud of being Vulcan as I am of being Russian."

McCoy smiled. "Don't I know it! But I think the things I'm about to tell you will make sense if you think about it. Here's Psych Reason Number One: You know how we say human men tend to marry women who are a lot like their mothers? Well, Vulcan men aren't much different in that regard. I think a mother's love sets a pattern for the kind of love a man wants from a woman."

Chekov brightened. "And Mr. Spock's mother was a human woman, so she set a pattern for him to want the kind of love a human woman would give him."

McCoy nodded. "That's right. Now, here's Psych Reason Number Two. We know from studies in Social Psychology and Sociology that when bi-cultural people interact with mono-cultural people from one of their two cultures, the mono-cultural person notices the way that the person fits the culture that the two of them DON'T share."

Chekov thought about this. "So humans see how Vulcan Mr. Spock is, and Vulcans see how human he is." He glanced at Spock and looked back at McCoy. "I do not think there is much human there for the Vulcans to be seeing, but the studies say that is because I am human, da?"

McCoy smiled. "That's right. And since Mr. Spock identifies as a Vulcan, that means that humans support his chosen identity, whereas Vulcans threaten it."

Chekov smiled. "So all those times we tell him he is not very human, we make him happy?"

Kirk broke in with, "We shouldn't be trying to force Spock into a human mold, so we do need to be careful with this." She glanced at Spock, then turned back to Chekov. "But as long as we respect his Vulcan heritage, rather than trying to get him to act like us, then yeah, seeing him as very Vulcan makes him, uh, contented."

McCoy snorted. "Don't think I didn't notice how hard you worked to avoid using the word 'happy' when talking about a Vulcan!"

Kirk smiled. "We ARE getting married, Bones; don't you think that means I should respect his culture?"

McCoy smiled. "Just teasing." He turned back to Chekov. Okay, so now Psych Reason Number Three. In both humans and Vulcans, children generally identify with the same-sex parent and try to be like them. Boys learn what men should be like by watching their fathers, and girls learn what women should be like by watching their mothers."

Chekov smiled. "Yes! My father was also in Starfleet, and I wanted to be just like him."

McCoy continued, "And Spock's father married a human woman, so it makes sense that Spock would marry one, too."

Chekov shook his head. "But isn't this the same as Reason One? That was also about how Spock's mother was human."

McCoy shook his head. "They're separate psychological processes, as you can see with a thought experiment. Suppose that Amanda had died in childbirth, and Sarek had hired a Vulcan nanny to take care of Spock, then a couple of years later, he married another human woman, one who didn't want to mother Spock. Reason One would no longer apply, because Spock would have been raised by a Vulcan woman, but Reason Three still would."

Chekov smiled. "Ah, I see it now! Yes, those are different." He looked at Kirk and Spock. "So the captain and Mr. Spock really are the best for each other!"

Uhura nudged the navigator. "Which is what I said in the very beginning!"

Chekov pouted. "You are Communications officer, so you know people things. Me, I am plotting courses and doing geometry, so I must have it all explained."

McCoy smiled. "And I was happy to explain it, Pavel. Each of them really is getting the best possible spouse." He looked around the room. "Though if you tell anybody I said that Spock was the best possible spouse for Jamie, I'll deny it!"

Everyone laughed — except for Spock of course — and Kirk and Spock stood up, ready to announce their engagement to the rest of the crew. Chekov was a garrulous soul, so McCoy's reasons would be all over the ship before the hour was out, and that should only make the crew rejoice for their command team all the harder. This really WAS a perfect match.

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Author's Notes

1. Given how many human women in OUR world love Spock, I thought my fellow Spock girls might enjoy hearing these reasons about why a human woman actually IS a great match for him. :-) As I've said before, I'm a clinical psychologist in real life, so these reasons are all true! Sorry for psych geeking at you, but I thought at least a few of you might enjoy it. :-)

2. I changed Kirk's gender because I needed Spock to be marrying a woman in order for Amanda's love to be the match he was searching for. I'm not trying to force the guys into heterosexuality, and when I write them as lovers, of course I usually make them bisexual. I could have had Spock be about to marry Uhura or Chapel, but much I love Uhura, TOS's Spock seems to have a far more profound bond with Kirk than with anyone else.

3. McCoy is said to be not just a physician but also an expert in psychology in "Court Martial."

4. The title is from a song that was very popular in 1911. No, I wasn't alive then. :-) Wikipedia has an entry on the song that includes a recording of it if you want to hear it. (I'm not actually recommending the song; I used its title because it describes a common psychological process.)

5. D.C. Fontana — who was considered the "Vulcan expert" of the behind-the-scenes staff and who made up such Spockian details as the fact that his father was an ambassador and his mother a school teacher — revealed in an issue of the fanzine Spockanalia that she had intended Spock's family name to be "Xtmprsqzntwlfd," but since this is unpronounceable, there wasn't really any way to get this said in dialogue during an episode.

Most fanfic authors use one of the names given in the Star Trek novels, and those are certainly a lot easier to type than "Xtmprsqzntwlfd." :-) Although Spock's last name is never given in canon, Dorothy Fontana was the one who was responsible for creating much of Spock's canon, so "Xtmprsqzntwlfd" is probably as close to canon as we get, which is why I'm using it here. But I won't complain if other authors want to use something that's easier to spell and to pronounce. :-)

6. I have a chronic illness that leaves me non-functional most of the time, which means that I am not always able to reply to comments. I do read them all with great attention, though, and I do cherish every single one of them, even when my health doesn't permit me to reply. I apologize for being so limited in what I can do.

7. I don't own Star Trek, and I make no money from the stories I write; everything here is just fans playing in the sandbox. Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say that Star Trek owns ME. :-)

8. Thanks for reading! If you liked anything about this story, I'd love to hear what you enjoyed.

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