As soon as the sun rose, what little sunlight seeped through the closed blinds hit TJ right in his eyes. He rolled over, wanting to go back to sleep for a few more hours and pretend he wasn't far from home. That didn't last long; as he started to doze off, he heard footsteps outside his room. Soon enough, there was a knock at the door.
"It's time to get up boys," TJ guessed one the nurses said. He remembered the schedule he was given yesterday. Just as it said, it was 7 a.m. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he climbed out of bed. He opted for a shower the night before, while his roommate was slouched over carrying a towel and shower caddy. Only stopping by the bathroom to brush his teeth, he followed the sparce crowd to the cafeteria.
Maybe it was the leftover malaise from his stay at the hospital, but he didn't have it in him to think of some way to get out of here early. Besides, there were more people watching and analyzing him now.
TJ poked at the healing scar around his neck. The stitches were gone but it was still sore. How could he mess up something like this? It's like, the fool proof way of getting the job done-
"TJ Detweiler?" The same nurse asked once she returned. He curled in tighter on himself. "It's time to get up."
"I don't want to," he mumbled.
"Are you feeling unwell?" The nurse asked. TJ shrugged. "A lot of patients are overwhelmed on the first day. It is a big change, after all. Are you feeling hungry at all?"
"A little."
"Do you think you can come to the cafeteria?"
TJ shook his head.
"Alright. I'll bring you something to eat. I think you'll like it, the food here is pretty good."
He listened to the nurses footsteps as she left. It was dumb of him to think they would leave him alone. He didn't have anything against the nurse or anything, but a big part of him wanted to hide under the covers and give the entire world the silent treatment. That wasn't going to work by the looks of it.
TJ sighed, and halfheartedly sat up and pushed the covers and sheets off himself. he sat on the edge of the bed, watching doctors, nurses, and other kids walk past the room through the crack in the door. He wondered how long they've been here; long enough to know their way around the place, at least.
Whether he was staying in bed or played along with what the nurses and doctors wanted him to do, today was going to be a long day. A long day to start off a long stay. Great.
"I'm back," the nurse said as she returned. She carried a tray with her. "They made pancakes today."
He sat cross legged as the tray was handed to him. Under the metal covering was indeed pancakes, along with eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns.
"Let's get some light in here, huh? These rooms can look so dreary without some sunlight," she said. going to the window. "And you get such a good view of the yard and garden from this room."
TJ squinted until his eyes adjusted to the increased light. Taking a bite out of a pancake he was surprised to find it didn't taste like cardboard.
"See? Having food that taste good helps," she said.
"Am I in trouble?" He mumbled.
"For what?"
"For not going down to the cafeteria."
"Nah. You're not in trouble. This place can be intimidating when you first get here," she said. "We would like it if you left your room a little bit today, but you aren't the first one who wanted to stay in their room."
While he ate, the door opened again as his roommate returned fully dressed in a black and grey sweatsuit.
"Good morning, Jojo," said the nurse.
"'Morning," he said before yawning.
"I'll let you finish eating and check on you in a bit, alright?"
TJ nodded, and the nurse left the two boys by themselves.
"What are you in for?" His roommate, Jojo, asked.
"Depression and a suicide attempt," TJ said. "You?"
"PTSD and a suicide attempt," he said. "Probably why they put us in a room together."
"Sorry about you not having a room all to yourself anymore."
"It's fine. Other patients bunked with me before. I'm gonna go get breakfast, so I'll see you around, I guess."
"See ya."
At least his roommate didn't seem that bad. He didn't want to deal with an asshole his entire time here. As he ate, he looked at Jojo's side of the room. Rather than another white wall, there were a few small posters, even a calender, and pictures. He felt a bit of reassurance that he didn't have to look and blank walls during his stay, though he had to wonder how long Jojo, or any of the other patients, had been here.
Whether or not he wanted to decorate his side of the room, he didn't know. He didn't want to be here, so decorating felt like solidifying that he wasn't leaving anytime soon. But if he was going to stay here long term, did he really want to have a blank wall the whole time?
"Are you finished eating?" TJ turned and saw the nurse return to his room. He nodded. "Great! Now let's see what's on your schedule."
TJ poked around his desk while the nurse read through the clipboard she held.
"Looks like you've got a busy day. You've got a check up with Dr. Kutner first thing, and a session with Dr. Henon. They're both really nice, so you don't have anything to worry about. Do you think you can leave the room to go see them?"
TJ nodded. This was going to be a long day, and this room was already feeling cramped.
"What's your name?" He asked. He followed her through the halls, glancing into some of the room whose doors were open.
"Oh, right, I never introduced myself," the nurse said. "You can call me Nurse Korda. If you ever need anything, have any questions, you can ask me. Or any of the other nurses, really, but I'm the one assigned to you."
He followed Nurse Korda through the halls, down the stairs, past other nurses and patients, until he finally reached what looked like a regular doctors office. Dr. Kutner, he guessed, already stood inside.
"It's nice to see you, Mr. Detweiler," said the doctor. "How did you sleep last night?"
"Fine, I guess." TJ shrugged.
"Well it was your first night. Let's take your vitals."
They went through the usual motions, with Nurse Korda taking weight, temperature, and blood pressure. He sat in that stiff seat in every doctors office while Dr. Kutner put on a pair of latex gloves.
"Let's take a look at that scar on your neck," he said. TJ tilted his head upward while the doctor inspected the self inflicted scar. "Still a little swollen, but it's healing quite nicely. Is there any pain when you move your head?"
"No."
"Good, good. Can you lift your shirt? I only need to see your stomach," said Dr. Kutner. TJ pulled up his sweatshirt, and the doctor pressed two fingers against his stomach just above his belly button. "Does that hurt?"
"A little bit. It hurts more when I breathe in," said TJ.
"That's not surprising. Your record says you ingested a lot of liquid medicines. A sensitive stomach is to be expected," said the doctor. "Since you've already eaten breakfast, eating doesn't appear to be a problem. The soreness should go away soon enough, though if you throw up, please tell one of the nurses. Besides that, you're in as good of a shape as to be expected. Do you have any questions for me?"
"How long am I gonna be here?"
"That depends on how long your recovery process is. It can be a few weeks, or a few months. But it needs to be how long it takes for you to be in a better place mentally, alright?"
"Fine," he sighed.
"It'll be okay. It's an adjustment, but I think you'll come to see it's not such a bad place here," said Dr. Kutner. "We don't want you to feel like a prisoner."
Dr. Henin's office wasn't too far from Dr. Kutner's. It was small, but the decorations and furniture reminded him of Dr. Sage's office.
'Are all therapists offices the same?'
"Hello, TJ," Dr. Henin greeted. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Fine, I guess," he said. He sat across from Dr. Henin, bringing his knee's up to his chest. "Have you talked to Dr. Sage?"
"I have. He explained your situation quite thoroughly," said Dr. Henin. "While it is nice to meet you, I am deeply sorry for the circumstances surrounding it."
TJ nodded.
"Being taken so far from home probably feels overwhelming, but that feeling is normal. What we all want you to know is that all of us here to help you. It'll be a process, but we are determined to see you to the end of it. Do you have any questions for me?"
"I haven't taken my medicine in a while. . ."
"Right, your anti-depressants. All medicine is given before bed, so you should get your dose tonight," he explained. "Any more questions?"
TJ shook his head. Suddenly going back to his room felt really nice.
"Alright, then. Please feel free to ask if anymore come to mind. Now, do you mind if ask you a few questions?"
"You're the doctor," said TJ. "You make the rules."
"Alright then. If I ask something you don't want to answer, just say so; there's no pressure," said Dr. Henin. "How would you say thing are at home, between you and your parents?"
He shrugged. "Okay? I've got nothing to complain about. They always tried helping me with. . . all this." He paused, finding a loose thread on his shirt to be very interesting. "They wanted to take me out of the school."
"Oh?"
"I got into a bad fight with this guy who's always bothering me. . .I overheard them talking about it," TJ said. "They said they might have to move. Or pay for a private school. Or a tutor so I can be homeschooled. They shouldn't have to do that. I should be able to handle that stuff on my own."
"Stuff?"
"People messing with me. Everyone else can deal with it, but I can't." He curled in tighter on himself. It was bad enough not looking his age, but needing his parents help like some little kid, too?
"It's okay if you can't handle things by yourself. It's not a flaw or personal failing if you need help," said Dr. Henin. "I know that might be hard to believe, but it's true. What about your friends?"
"My old ones or my new ones?"
"How about your new ones."
"They're pretty great. I never thought I'd be friends with some of them." For once, a smile start to creep it's way on his face. "One of them I thought I wouldn't be friends with again. And my girlfriend. She's the greatest. She's smart, and cleaver, and nice, and sweet, and really, really, cute. They made a jar of paper stars and wrote stuff in them to cheer me up, and it was all her idea."
"That was nice of them."
"Yeah. They deserve a better friend than me," he said. "They'd be better off."
"How about your old friends?"
". . .I don't want to talk about them." TJ sighed. Just the mention of them was enough to make his already crummy mood even worse. Sad, angry, frustrated, all boiled up at the same time when he thought about them, and it was more than he could handle.
"That's alright. I take it school wasn't a pleasant place for you, then?"
He shook his head. "It used to be. Not anymore."
"What changed?"
"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything anymore," he said. "Can I go back to my room?"
"I suppose we can wrap things up for today. We did go through a lot. I have you scheduled for every other day for the next couple of weeks, so I'll see you again after tomorrow, okay?"
"Mm-hmm."
Standing up, TJ found that whatever energy that he mustered up to leave his room was gone, and that laying in bed sounded just perfect. After shaking Dr. Henin's hand, he stepped out of the office. Nurse Korda stood at a nearby nurses station.
"Can take me to my room?" He asked. "I don't know the way back."
"Sure, no problem."
He followed as she lead the way through the halls, recognizing just a few stations and staircases. Dr. Henin seemed fine, though it was only one session. But he couldn't help but compare him to Dr. Sage. He was alredy comfortable talking to Dr. Sage, even if his last conversation before trying to off himself was a complete ruse. He had nothing against Dr. Henin, but he wanted the therapist he was used to.
He plopped down in his bed, but didn't try to go to sleep immediately. Instead, he unfolded one of the paper stars, a yellow one, this time.
I'm happy to be friends with you again.
Menlo. His overly neat cursive in black ink was a dead give away.
What were they up to? Did they tell anyone about where he was? to much his surprise, he didn't feel anything towards the idea that they did. Or maybe he was numb about everything to do with Third Street. It's not like he'd be hearing what everyone thought.
But his friends are better than that. He knew they were. He hoped they weren't worrying over him too much.