The Thin Black Line Homer is given an unconventional diet regime by Dr Payne, do shopping with morbidly obese people. Meanwhile Hugo has invented some hypnotic goggles to mind control everyone in his latest evil plan, but Marge signs him up for Bill Cosby's Kids say the darnest things, Hugo decides this would actually help his evil plan despite him not finding Bill Cosby funny. And Bart digs a hole in the garden.
Plot
Like the beginning of Homer's Night out, Marge is brushing her teeth when Homer comes in to weigh himself. "294? I'm a blimp!" Homer whined.
"Maybe you should start exercising Homer." said Marge. "Like every morning perhaps?"
Homer was confused by this response. "Marge! I'm supposed to hard on myself! You're supposed be tender, like a good turkey sandwich and call me cute names like your big cuddly teddy bear..."
"Hmmmm... I'm sorry Homer but that's not helping you lose weight is it? We have to be realistic here. You want to lose weight right? Me complementing you won't help!" said Marge.
"I see Dear..." Homer sighed. He started doing his hip twists again.
Teddy was grooming himself in Oscar's room.
"Oh Teddy... you're like a big strong cuddly teddy bear..." said Oscar being gay...
"Oz, I am your big cuddly teddy bear..." Teddy smiled and hugged him. "Now who's up for the sniffing monster?" Teddy grinned and bent down and started sniffing Oscar's diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar giggled and blushed.
Teddy the living teddy bear kept sniffing his diaper.
Then a bunch of dumb kink shamers got offended.
"Okay guys, it's time for bed." said Marge, tucking them in.
Oscar yawned.
Then she told him a bedtime story which he jazzed up by insisting it had Charlton Heston in it.
Charlton Heston passed the kitchen.
Allstar by Smashmouth plays.
"And many other cringeworthy memes created by boys too old and trendy to be liking Shrek..." said Oscar.
"Shrek why are you in my kitchen?" asked Charlton Heston.
"What are you doin in mah swamp?!" Shrek yelled.
"This isn't your swamp. This is a house, in America. My house in fact." said Charlton Heston.
"Oh." said Shrek. "An ogre is very much like an onion. We both have layers..."
...
Homer was reading the newspaper and laughing.
"What's so funny dear?" Marge asked him.
"Oh just reading bridge." said Homer.
"But you don't even know how to play bridge." said Marge.
"You can't even play Snap Dad." said Lisa.
"Oh that South! What will you do next..." Homer laughed. "Now let's read the comics. Pffffft! That guy is just a more dysfunctional version of me!"
Bart is outside in the backyard digging a hole.
"Where's Bart, his Mountain Dew is getting flat and losing its Dank meme essence." asked Marge as glasses of Mountain Dew made loud klaxon sounds except one that was quieter.
"Mom why did we get this drink! It tastes horrible and it's full of Dank memes..." said Lisa.
"And it's very loud!" Oscar yelled covering his ears from the klaxons.
"Because they go well with Doritos when it comes to internet memes. Especially amongst the college frat boy crowd playing games consoles." said Marge.
There were college frat boys playing Counterstrike, or Halo or some other first person shooter on an Xbox 360.
"Now where is Bart?" Marge asked.
"Oh he's outside digging a hole in the yard." said Lisa.
"A hole?! Why?" said Marge.
"I dunno." said Lisa.
"There might be drugs in the yard!" said Homer.
"Homer don't be stupid! There's no drugs buried under the yard..." said Marge.
"No you're right. There aren't..." said Homer with shifty eyes.
"I better go out and check on him." said Lisa.
"Good idea. Kids shouldn't have secrets. Except secret diaries..." said Homer.
"Especially if those secret diaries are about them hiding from an evil dictatorship that wants to exterminate their entire race..." said Oscar.
...
Lisa went out to see Bart.
"Whatcha digging?" Lisa asked.
"A hole." said Bart.
"I can see that. Why?" Lisa asked.
"Just digging..." said Bart.
"Okay..." said Lisa.
"He's digging to China..." said Oscar.
"No I'm not..." said Bart.
"Oh! Maybe he found pirate treasure!" said Oscar.
Bart was occupied with digging.
A day passed.
"He's still digging..." said Marge. "I don't like not knowing why he's digging..."
"I'll sort this our..." said Homer. He went outside to Bart's hole where he was digging.
"What ya digging?" Homer asked.
"A hole." said Bart.
"Digging for anything in particular?" Homer asked.
"No." said Bart.
"Sooooo... It won't bother you if I was digging a hole of my own." said Homer.
"Nope. Knock yourself out." said Bart.
"Okay I will." said Homer. He got a shovel and started quickly digging. But got chest pains. "Ahhh! Chest pains! I need the defibrillator!" He ran inside and zapped himself with the defibrillator. "Ahhh, this pays for itself..." said Homer.
Hugo was having an old fashioned duel with Martin but with phasers.
"You sir have insulted my honour! I challenge you to a duel!" Hugo slapped him.
"I just said I think Picard is a better captain than Kirk." Martin whined as they had a gun draw at ten paces duel.
Homer grimaced but allowed this to happen.
...
There was a Doctor with Marge as Bart's hole got deeper and deeper.
"Bart here is Dr Kauffman. A special speaking doctor." said Marge.
"Actually a doctor of death Mrs Simpson. I could shoot Bart all the way from Berlin and still make it look like suicide." said Dr Kauffman.
"Not that Dr Kauffman!" Marge yelled at the fourth wall.
Oscar laughed.
"Hi Bart. Can we talk?" The Doctor asked.
"Sure." Bart replied.
"Bart do you know why you're digging..." the Doctor asked.
"Nope." said Bart.
"Well some people dig holes to avoid or hide from other people." said the Doctor. "Is there arguments or fights in your house hold?"
"Nope. But my Dad is always yelling about the whiteys keeping him down..." said Bart.
"Right that's it! Cut! Cut!" Oscar stopped everything.
"Bart you can't say that! It's racist!" said Oscar.
"I'm paraphrasing what Homer said." said Bart.
"He would not say that..." said Oscar.
Dr Kauffman continued talking softly to Bart. "Are things alright at school?"
"Booooriiiiing! Go back to being the James Bond Villain Dr Kauffman... from Tomorrow Never Dies..." Oscar groaned.
Dr Kauffman pointed a pistol at Bart. "This is doktor assisted homicide..." he said in a thick German accent.
Marge frowned at Oscar.
That evening Bart was still digging...
"Bart if you keep digging you'll go straight to China..." said Lisa.
"If it happens it happens." said Bart.
Meanwhile the Chinese were spying on him and Hugh Mungus was there showing off as an evil henchman etc.
...
In the lounge Homer watched Bill Cosby on Kids say the darnest things.
"Pokemon?! With the and the, and he makes a fire on the sidewalk! Ah ah ah!"
Homer laughed. "Man he's funny! And kids say such funny things..."
"I don't like Cosby." said Marge. "There's something about him... Why I heard he drugs women and-"
"Marge that's ridiculous! Ha! Now you know how I feel when you dismiss my hunch about Troy McClure being a weirdo who has sex with fish!" said Homer.
"Because Bub! That is just nonsense! Where as there is an investigation going on about Mr Cosby!" said Marge.
"Which won't come out until twenty years from now. Now let's sign Hugo up for that show!" Homer suggested.
Marge sighed.
Meanwhile Hugo was up in the attic that night working on some type of goggles.
"Whatcha up to Hugo?" Oscar asked.
"Hypnogoggles. With these I will mind control everyone into doing my bidding! Soon everyone will be my mindless slaves! Mwuhahahaha!" Hugo dressed as a mad scientist laughed evilly.
"Cooooool!" Oscar cooed. "I just hope it works better than Bart's disco lab ray gun that makes people dance."
"Oz that was a dream. Bart won't get clever enough to invent something like that in a million years..." said Hugo. "Now leave me in peace buddy."
"Hugo. Come down here...! I have a surprise for you..." said Marge.
Hugo put his hypno goggles away somewhere safe. He went downstairs.
"What is it Mom?" Hugo asked.
"I've booked you to be on Kids say the darnest things!" said Marge. "It's hosted by Tv's Dad Bill Cosby! He's really funny!"
"I know who Bill Cosby is. And he's not funny... he talks gibberish..." said Hugo.
"And he's weird... Did Homer drug you into liking things he likes again?!" Oscar frowned.
"Oh Hugo... Don't be such a sour puss. You're going on tomorrow night so dress nicely please." said Marge.
"Fine..." Hugo sighed.
...
One morning Homer is brushing his teeth but spits all over the scales because they say he is heavier.
"295?! I'm a Whale!" Homer whined. "Oh why must tasty snacks be my one weakness..."
"I don't know what to say Homer. Did you do your morning exercises like I told you?" Marge asked.
"Yes dear." Homer replied while doing a sort of hip twist exercise.
"Well the only thing I can suggest is that you speak to Dr Payne about it." said Marge.
"But before he does. Why the hell are you signing up Hugo to go on Kids say the Darnest things with that creep Bill Cosby!" Oscar yelled.
"Kid he's not a creep yet. Quit predicting the future..." said Homer.
"Yeah Oz, when that happens we're judging him. But not while he is still innocent..." said Lisa.
"Now go to see Dr Payne dear." said Marge.
Homer was at Dr Payne's office.
"Well I would think the obvious approach would be a healthy diet, no snacking between meals and plenty of exercise but according to your files Homer you've been on more diets than sixteenth century Germany!" said Dr Payne.
"I find it hard to stick to them..." Homer sighed.
"I have a suggestion but it's controversial." said Dr Payne. "How would you feel about being a shopping partner for morbidly obese people? It's like a scared straight seminar but with dieting."
"I suppose I could give it a try." said Homer.
"Good. Because your first partner is Jackèe Harry." said Dr Payne.
Homer grimaced. Maaaaaaryyy?
Elsewhere Brian Griffin was visiting his gay cousin Jasper.
"Ooooooooh I'm nasty! Send me out to sea!" said Jasper, a gay dog.
"Well to support me in Hollywood my family have taken bizarre jobs." said Brian.
Peter got work as a hooker/prostitute.
"Hey darling..." He solicited Quagmire.
"Peter I know it's you in drag..." said Glenn.
Stewie took upon himself to follow fat people around with a tuba and play funny walking music.
(Tuba music for a fat person walking)
"Hey! ENOUGH!" A fat guy yelled at him.
"And to save money we had to let Meg's voice actress go and now she's voiced by Mila Kunis..." said Lois.
"Nooooooo! I wanna keep making references to The Wild Thornberry's!" Oscar whined.
Lois rolled her eyes.
Plot 2
Bart's hole in the yard was deep enough that it required a ladder to get in and out and wooden supports to stop the pit collapsing on Bart. A bucket with a bottle of lotion was lowered down. Bart was confused by this gift, "Oscar?"
Oscar was at the surface looking down into the hole while stroking a small white dog. "It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again..." said Oscar.
"Oz stop quoting Buffalo Bill..." said Bart annoyed.
Marge came out.
"Oh for Pete's sake! Bart this has gone on long enough! What are you hoping o find down there?!" Marge asked.
"Well I found Indian artefacts..." said Bart.
"Native artefacts..." Lisa seethed.
Francine ran up to here and hit her. "Stop dictating how we identify people! I'm calling em red Indians!"
"But that's offensive and Indians are from India..." said Lisa.
"Bart get out of the hole... Everyone's at the arcade watching Ralph break dancing on the Dance Dance Revolution game." said Marge.
"That's if Bill Clinton isn't embarrassing himself on one of them." said Oscar.
At Funverse Arcade.
Bill Clinton was singing Barbie Girl while dancing on a Dance Dance Revolution arcade game.
Milhouse winced.
At another DDR machine Ralph was expertly dancing. In canon he took up ballet and tap dancing.
"Yeah little Ralphie makes up for failing at school by dancing." said Chief Wiggum.
Lisa was a horse legged faun/satyr again.
Lisa gasped at her horse legs and tail.
"Don't stand behind her Brian." Stewie Griffin said to Brian.
Horse leg Peter was there too.
...
Homer was at Moe's.
"Homer is this story going anywhere..." said Moe.
"I'm just getting to it! Now where was I? Ah yes. Then the Chinese were spying on Bart...
In China in a military base.
"Foolish Americans! What are they up to?!" said a Chinese soldier spying on Bart as he dug his enormous hole in the backyard.
"I shall destroy him! For I am Hugh Mungus!" said a muscular Chinese man.
"Yes we know who you are Hugh Mungus..." said the general.
"Yeah you always say who you are!" said another soldier.
"But I like saying who I am!" said Hugh Mungus.
"Why don't you just shut up for once?!" said the general.
"Homer that was the dumbest story ever!" said Moe.
Homer yawned. "I am so exhausted after going shopping with Jackèe Harry..."
We cut to Homer in a shop with Jackèe Harry.
"Let me get this straight. You need a pallet of chocolate covered pretzels? A pallet?! What the hell is that? And look at this one! A drum of grape jam?! What is that? Is that like a drum the ship oil in? And look at this one! A desk of cheezits! A desk of cheezits?! Where are you getting these units of measurement from?!" Homer asked.
"Maaaary?" said Jackée Harry.
Homer laughed. "That is still funny! Okay you big funny gal. I'll be back soon after I get- A hammock of cake?!"
Back in the bar.
"Why am I here?" Chief Wiggum asked.
"You're their Joe Swanson." said Oscar.
...
One evening Marge was combing Hugo's spikes into a dorky style like Bart's when he goes to church or court.
"Mooooom! This is not a mad scientist hair style!" said Hugo.
"No mad scientist shenanigans! I want you to be on your best behaviour!" said Marge.
"Yeah, and no spilling the beans about how we locked you in the attic boy..." said Homer.
"I won't. I'll leave that to my self appointed care worker Oscar." said Hugo.
"Hugy I'm not your care worker. I'm just looking after your well-being and acting as your first point of contact with your social worker." said Oscar.
Hugo then went on the show. He was being coached by the behind the scenes staff to give cute answers not serious ones.
"So how old do you think Daddy is, Hugo?" said a clerk.
"Thirty nine." said Hugo in a serious tone.
The clerks were confused by his sensible answer. The producer prompted him to try to be cute not boring.
"Oh I think Daddy is so old I think he's a hundred!" said Hugo putting on a babyish voice.
Everyone cheered and laughed at how cute his answer was. Hugo sighed.
These people are idiots... he thought to himself.
...
Before Hugo was up a little girl was up. She had a heart rending story of her being abused.
"And he said if I ever told anybody he'd kill me!" said the little girl.
"And what did he look like?" Bill Cosby asked.
"Well he was tall and dark... and... A big stupid doo doo head!" said the girl.
"A big stupid doo doo head!" said Bill Cosby loudly in enthusiasm. Everyone laughed.
Homer back stage laughed hysterically. "A big stupid doo doo head! You can't make that up!"
Bart covered in dirt sighed.
"Hey if Bart's here, who's looking after his hole in the yard?" Lisa asked.
"Oh I got the digging twins from Recess to look after it." said Bart.
The digging twins from Recess were digging in Bart's hole.
Hugo was then up on stage.
He sat on Bill Cosby's lap.
"Hugo, that's a funny name! It's like Hugh but with a goooooo! at the end of it!" said Bill.
"Yes quite so..." Hugo sighed.
"It's funny Hugo, because I used to have an uncle Hugo. He would sell bicycles!" said Bill Cosby.
"Oh you're finished? I thought you were supposed to be asking me questions." said Hugo.
"Hugo, what do you think candy is made of?" Bill Cosby asked.
"Sunshine and farts! What the hell sort of Infantile question is that?!" Hugo replied rudely.
"D'oh!" went Homer.
Marge sighed disappointed in Hugo.
"Smart mouthed little! I'll give him a soaping when he gets home!" Homer growled.
"Zip zop boobity bop!" Bill Cosby started talking in gibberish.
"Oh are you finished? I'm sorry, I was under the impression the show was called Kids say the funniest things. Not Old Black comedian won't shut the hell up!" Hugo ranted. "Ask me what my favourite colour is."
"Koo kookachu! Buckaroo!" Bill Cosby spoke in gibberish.
"Right enough of this infantile!" Hugo yelled before putting on his hypnotic goggles. The eyes were all spirally! "People of Earth! I am now your-Hey!" Bill took his goggles.
"Oh hohohoho! Whatcha got here?" Bill Cosby chuckled looking at the Hypnotic goggles.
"None of your business! Give them back!" Hugo yelled trying to get his hypnotic goggles back. However he fell over and hurt his butt.
"Now I'm going skiing! Kookachu! Ahahahaha! Frazzle Snazzle!" said Bill Cosby wearing the hypno goggles and skiing. "Zoom! Babbitt bibbity!"
Everyone laughed.
"Stop! He's not even making sense anymore!" Hugo yelled. Bill Cosby picked him up.
"You like baseball right little fella?" Bill asked him.
"Yes... I like baseball..." said Hugo hypnotised by the hypnotic goggles. "And pudding pops and a Ghost Dad..."
"Good. Now you gonna sit there and enjoy it." said Bill Cosby.
Hugo fell asleep as Bill Cosby spoke gibberish and made the audience laugh at his antics.
Then the women in the crowd were put in a trance by the Hypnotoad goggles. A laughing fit of a trance but still.
Bill then started raping all the women. He's a predator, read the news...
...
The Simpsons all got home exhausted with laughter as their sides split from hysterical laughter. Except of course Hugo who was very, very annoyed.
"Oh! I haven't had such a good laugh since Dad got his tongue stuck in a Chinese finger trap!" Homer chuckled.
"When he started skiing I thought I was gonna plotz!" Bart was in mid hysterical laughter.
Hugo was madder than a mad hatter. "Blast! Foiled again! I'll show you!" He took his hypnotic goggles and stormed off upstairs.
"Oh Hugo's upset... someone should talk to him." said Marge.
"He's just annoyed that his latest evil plan to take over the world failed spectacularly..." said Lisa.
Marge sighed. "I wish he'd stop with the evil plans of world domination..."
"Well I think it's funny when he does that." Oscar smirked.
"Well I had a good laugh today but I've got a hole to dig!" said Bart heading for the backyard.
"And I have to be chased around by the baby from Family Guy with a tuba as part of my scared straight seminar to lose weight." said Homer.
Homer as moo moo wearing morbidly obese Homer and another fat guy were waddling about in the park when Stewie appeared with a tuba playing funny music for fat people walking.
"Hey!" said the fat guy. "Cut that out!" Stewie continued playing his tuba. "I have a glandular problem!" Homer and the fat guy fell over. Stewie made a discord note.
"That'll be fifty dollars." said Stewie.
At home Marge tested herself with the pregnancy kit. It said she was pregnant.
"Ooooooh that Cosby!" She seethed.
"Uh Marge shouldn't you be sitting in the shower crying in horror about what he did to you?" Oscar winced.
"Oz enough of what's gonna come out about Bill Cosby..." Lisa sighed.
"Fine I'm gonna watch Shrek..." said Oscar.
He went to the lounge and watched Shrek.
"Why don't I get a multi million dollar franchise and memes?!" Grogre the vegetarian ogre whined.
"Because you were never popular... in fact your story is really obscure..." said Oscar.
...
Homer was then finishing of a ridiculous story as if the entire episode so far was just a drunken story.
"Wait is this story going anywhere Homer..." said Moe.
"Yeah and after I defeated Hugh Mungus and the Chinese I became king of the Morlocks!" said Homer.
"But the Morlocks are from the future!" said Lenny.
"Are you calling me a liar?" Homer retorted.
"Wait a minute Homer! What about the stuff you weren't around for?" said Moe.
"How did you know the Chinese were spying on you?" asked Carl.
"I just naturally assumed." said Homer.
"That is the stupidest story I have ever been told! And I've watched all of Sweet Valley High!" said Moe. "I am sick of you drunks and your shaggy dog stories!"
Barney was sitting next to Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Because that's funny. Shaggy was offended by Moe's response. "Oh yeah dude? Next you'll be saying my dog Scoob can't talk!" said Shaggy.
"That's right Raggy! Ahehehehe!" Scooby laughed.
"But he can't talk! You're just high on drugs all the time!" said Moe.
"Well I never! This bar really bums me out! Let's go Scoob!" said Shaggy taking Scooby with him.
"Oh don't go Shaggy!" Barney whined. Shaggy stormed off. "Oh great! I have to go back home to that! Thanks Moe."
"That was the stupidest gag ever narrator!"Homer yelled.
"Oh clam it coffee boy! You're lucky I still let you in here!" Moe ranted at Barney who for some reason was trying to get teetotal now.
Plot 3
In the attic of the Simpsons house Hugo was angrily grumbling about Bill Cosby ruining his plans for world domination by playing with his hypno goggles. Hugo was tinkering with them to make sure they were working still.
"Stupid Bill Cosby! Ruin my plans for world domination! Razzle frazzle!" grumbled Hugo making angry Muttly sounds.
Bart was on the landing and could hear him.
"Hugo sounds pretty mad." said Bart.
"Well Bill Cosby did take his hypnosis goggles from him. Why he insists on trying to take over the world or enslave humanity I don't know..." said Lisa sighing.
At Moe's again.
"Well my next story involves REM and Tofurkey." said Homer.
Moe pointed his gun at him.
"Utter one more word you hopeless drunk! One more word!" Moe was fed up with his barflies making up shaggy dog stories.
"Moe put that gun away before someone gets hurt." Homer pushed his gun away.
"Any way my story starts one thanksgiving dinner here..." Homer told another story.
Homer and his family spent thanksgiving dinner at Moe's.
"Well I miss slaving over a hot stove making a home made thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings..." said Marge. "But it's nice to have the night off. And not have Bart cause arguments by breaking Lisa's cute little paper mache models.
"I keep telling you I was not in the wrong that thanksgiving!" Bart growled. "Lisa should have moved her diorama when I asked her to while I was laying the table!"
"And I would have if you gave me the chance!" Lisa retorted.
"Kids don't fight..." Marge sighed.
"Anyway," said Lisa clearing her throat. "Tonight's thanksgiving is very special because your dinner was made by our very special guests. R.E.M"
R.E.M arrived with a nice golden brown roasted tofurkey. But to the Simpsons it looked like a turkey with bones.
"Oh that band with the whiny depressing songs except for Shiny Happy people that song rocks! Especially the guitar riff!" said Oscar.
"Uh I'd say Coldplay and David Grey write a lot more depressing music than REM Oz." said Bart. "Seems like all of Cold Play's songs are just the same one..."
"Yeah well it's just that Losing my Religion reminds me of when my parents were still alive..." said Oscar.
"Ahem, boys pipe down. As I was saying. There something very special about this turkey." said Lisa.
"It's been poisoned!" Oscar gasped.
"No..." said Lisa.
"It's a zombie turkey!" said Hugo.
"No!" Lisa whined at their stupid guesses.
"Oh I know! It's from Turkey..." said Homer.
"No Dad..." said Lisa. "The surprise is that, it is not a bird after all! It is made entirely of tofu!" said Lisa removing a "leg" from the tofurkey.
"Eeeeeeeew! Homer and the boys groaned.
"What? I'm vegetarian remember! I cannot and will not eat a poor living creature!" said Lisa. "And besides REM are all vegetarians."
"Well I'm just glad I ate before we left." said Bart.
"Oh come on Bart, smell those curds!" said Michael Stipe. He ate a mouthful of tofu. "Mmmmmm! Curds..." he said like how Homer would moan with pleasure over delicious food.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"I could really go for a nice fish side platter like Aunt Selma's Trout Almondine." said Hugo.
"You do not want to try Aunt Selma's trout Almondine Hugo. Trust me." said Bart.
"Yeah. Eeeeugh!" Oscar gagged.
"That was the worst tasting fish you ever fed me Oz!" Teddy the living teddy bear groaned thinking about it. Bears eat fish.
"I just hope we still get to break the wish bone." said Oscar
"If by the wishbone you mean a plastic duplicate of one then go ahead Little dude." said REM.
Oscar sighed and broke the plastic wish bone with Michael Stipe. Oscar got the bigger piece so he got to make a wish.
Suddenly a sentient block of tofu with arms and legs carrying a gun and wearing a STARs beret appeared followed by vegan zombies!
"Graaaaaaaaaiiiiins!" The zombies groaned.
"Tofuuuuuuuuu!"
The Simpsons sweat dropped as the vegan zombies tore apart and devoured the tofu creature.
...
However to their confusion but relief, the Simpsons were not harmed by the vegan zombies.
"Vegan zombies not like meeeeeeat! Vegan zombies like vegetables and fruuuuuuuiiit!" said a vegan zombie.
"And tofuuuuuuu!" said another.
"Oscar this is stupid! Get rid of the vegan zombies!" Bart groaned.
In the real time line of Moe's.
Moe was getting annoyed by Homer's stupid story about REM, Tofurkey and Vegan Zombies.
"And there I was, surrounded by Twelve foot tall Zombie Poop Elves!" said Oscar drinking a buzz cola.
"Wait how are they elves if they're twelve foot tall?!" Lenny asked.
"It was a leap year." said Oscar.
"That's it! I'm fed up with these stupid nonsensical stories you barflies make up!" Moe yelled. "I'm closing up for the night!"
"Wait! I haven't got to the bit where REM helped me defeat my dark side with the power of music!" said Oscar.
That thanksgiving night at Moe's with REM, tofurkey and Vegan zombies.
Oscar had just banished the vegan zombies and slaughtered single handily the zombie poop elves when Dark Oscar ripped off the roof of Moe's with a purple ominous storm as he laughed evilly flying in a purple maelstrom.
"Oh no..." Bart sighed.
"Mwuhahahaha! Once again I am taking over!" said Dark Oscar going into his wraith form and possessing Oscar. But Oscar resisted.
"No!" Oscar argued as his evil side tried to take over.
"We've got to help!" said Lisa.
"How?" Bart asked as Oscar was taken over and had red eyes.
"Oscar explained using, especially happy music stops his darkness!" said Lisa.
"We can help!" said Michael Stipe.
REM got on Moe's pool table and played Shiny Happy People. After the slow intro the cool epic guitar solo began.
Bart head banged and did an air guitar.
Upbeat music.
Hugo sighed.
"No! It burns!" Dark Oscar screamed covering his ears.
"Keep playing!" said Michael Stipe.
They kept playing Shiny Happy People.
Dark Oscar screamed as he was once again forced out of Oscar's body. The song also energised him to banish his darkness once and for all. Or until I decide to bring him back.
"Can I bring back the vegan Zombies?" He asked.
"No!" The Simpsons yelled.
"And that's not funny Oz! I seriously am considering one day to convince the undead to consider becoming vegan or vegetarian." said Lisa.
"Lis that's stupid, zombies aren't real..." Hugo sighed.
Hank arrived. "So about Shrek..."
"Hank you're too old for kids films and secondly you're trying to be trendy and cool. Only the lamewads like Shrek." said Bart.
"Bart, your friend Milhouse likes Shrek..." said Lisa.
Bart sighed exasperated.
"Tofuuuuuu..." said a vegan zombie that were completely harmless to people as they were vegan.
"Okay this is one weird thanksgiving..." said Michael Stipe of REM.
"Your music makes me sleepy." said Hugo.
REM frowned.
"Oh that's not an insult. It's a joke about how your band is called REM and REM is a brain signal produced by the brain when you're sleeping." said Hugo.
Bart gagged at his neediness.
"I WANT MEAT!" Homer yelled.
Lisa frowned at him.
"Guys I'm trying to study my spell book for Springwarts. Which has it's own story arc. Shame I don't wanna do the same with Robot Pierce Brosnan or the gypsy.
"Is that why I'm a centaur again..." Lisa sighed.
...
"Enough of your ridiculous stories!" Moe snapped.
"Well Here's the story of last Saturday at home..." said Homer.
At Home Bart is eating Krusty cereal.
"Bart, what are you doing?" Marge asked as Bart picked things out of his cereal.
"I only eat the clown heads." said Bart.
"That's so wasteful!" Marge scolded him.
"Headless clowns! HEADLESS CLOWNS!" Oscar screamed insane and manic over headless clowns.
"Oz no!" Bart groaned.
Marge grumbled.
"I've always done it. Just like I only eat the eyes off a lobster." said Bart.
"Uh Bart.,, you're allergic to crustaceans..." said Hugo.
"Oh, you should be ashamed! Your father works very hard to put lobsters on our table. Every night, he comes home exhausted, with his voice too hoarse to talk." Marge scolded Bart.
"Neeeeeeeeeiiiiiigh!" Oscar neighed like a horse.
"Enough! You moron!" Bart snapped at Oscar strangling him.
"Leave him alone!" Marge told Bart off.
"Wait Mom, Dad doesn't work hard at all. He boasted last week he slept all Wednesday till home time..." said Hugo.
Bart finished his breakfast properly without taking bits out of it that he didn't like.
"Just like that time we went to a candy exhibition/convention and Dad got accused of sexual harassment." said Lisa.
(In Homer Badman)
"Damn FDA. Why can't it all be marshmallow?" said Bart picking out cereal oats pieces from his multigrain Ys and marshmallow Itchy and Scratchy cereal.
"Bart, don't put the non-marshmallow pieces back in the box. They go in the trash." Marge told him off for putting the multigrain pieces back in the box.
In the present.
Bart stuck his tongue out at Lisa as he took his lunch and went to school.
"Hmmmmmmm! Hurry up dear, it's not like you to be tardy" said Marge. "I have to go up and read Oscar a morning nap bedtime story because he's not going into school with you lot today. He's being a baby again." Marge sighed.
Lisa winced and took her lunch and went to school.
Marge went upstairs to Oscar's room. He was lying on his bed wearing his sweater and a diaper. She checked his diaper. It was clean. She taped it up again tightly and tucked him in.
She then read him a story.
"And then the handsome little prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad. But the evil ogre-" Grogre was glaring at her. "Greg. Would not let him go to the bathroom so the poor little prince wet himself." Marge read a story.
Oscar winced and wet his diaper.