Papa's Got a Brand New Badge.
Homer becomes a vigilante again, this time with a spring green uniform. Then he annoys Fat Tony.
Plot
One morning it is very hot as there's a heatwave. A sunflower catches light. flames crackle as the plant burns.
A butterfly screams as its wings are on fire.
Even the ink on a fresh newspaper left by the newspaper boy was dripping off of the newspaper in a metaphor for how extremely hot it is.
Bart is asleep in his underwear because of how hot it is. His alarm clock gies off.
"Hoahahahaha! Rise and shine kid!" said the Krusty alarm clock.
Bart groaned and hit the snooze button. The clock was melting in the heat.
"Oooolalala!" Salvador Dali was inspired to paint by the sight of the melting clock. Mmmmm... The Persistence of Memory...
"Ugh... so sticky..." Bart groaned.
Salvador Dali hummed as he painted on a canvas.
Bart opened an eye and bolted upright. "What are you doing in my room?!"
The master bedroom.
Homer also reduced to sleeping in his undies groaned as he got up.
"Ugh..." Suddenly he noticed his wife was missing! "Marge where are you?!"
"Behind you!" Marge was stuck to his back because of the sticky air and sweat. Eeeeeew!
They heard Oscar screaming.
Marge fled to his room to check up on him.
"What is it bumpkin?"
"They're everywhere! They're swimming on the walls!" Oscar screamed. From his point of view he can see imaginary monsters.
The monsters only he can see are groaning and making disturbing, creepy noises.
"I think the heat is causing him to hallucinate..." said Lisa.
Marge sighed and comforted Oscar.
...
They have the fans on at breakfast. A fan turned its head as it blasted cool air about.
"Why is it so hot?" Homer groaned fanning himself with a piece of toast.
"Hugo's probably holding the world to ransom again with his make the planet hotter doomsday device..." said Bart.
"No I'm not. I'll inform you of when I'm plotting world domination again..." said Hugo.
"It's the sun baby from Teletubbies, she's mad because she can't find her rattle." said Oscar. "So she's frying us all."
Everyone gawked at him like he had three heads.
"No it's obvious! It's global warming! We democrats have warned you for years that your making the planet hotter!" said Lisa.
"Quiet Lisa! There's no such thing as global warming! It's Democrat scaremongering!" Homer scolded her.
"Global warming is real!" Lisa yelled.
"Is ManBearPig real too?" Oscar smirked.
"Oh god... not South Park Al Gore again." Bart groaned.
Across town everyone is suffering from the heat.
Ned has the air conditioning on.
"Daddy is Hell this hot?" Todd asked.
"Even toastier than this, Toddy. You see, I think God has given us a very hot day today!" said Ned.
The wax museum.
"Oh great... the Beatles melted again..." said Raphael.
"Just like when Ed Sullivan melted them with his heat vision..." said a wax museum janitor.
"I find it unfair that I'm being charge to view these exhibits while up to my knees in the melted remains of the cast of M-A-S-H." said Skinner.
"Yeah... yeah... tell some who cares, pally." said Raphael.
...
The Simpsons were lounging around with a fan on. They groaned as it tried its best to cool them down.
"Lisa did you turn off the air conditioner?" Marge groaned fanning herself while holding Maggie.
"Just open a window. Air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer." Lisa whined.
"Lisa, please. Save your hippie B.S. for the winter months, okay?" Homer snapped.
Lisa seethed. "Okay that enough! I'm right here! We're sweating like pigs every summer because people like you depend on electrical devices and cars too much!"
Bart made a chit chat gesture.
"It wouldn't be so bad if Mr Freeze from Batman was here, or Ice Man from X-Men. I wonder who would win in a fight..." said Oscar.
Bart groaned frustrated.
Meanwhile Everyone is still sweltering in the heat.
Hans Moleman wiped his forehead as he spoke to the sky. "You're certainly doing your job today Mr Sun..." He adjusted his thick lensed glasses however they refracted the sunlight into laser beams that set fire to his clothes.
"Oh dear..."
A hippy was singing. "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy..."
The rude "Just stamp the ticket" guy punched him.
Dr Hibbert was in the morgue freezer.
"Ugh... It's always the old folks every heatwave..." said Dr Hibbert.
"Okay up you get old timers! This place is for preserving corpses." said the doctor.
"But it's too hot! And we're old!" Abe Simpson whined.
Dr Hibbert chuckled. "Run along folks..." He shooed them out if the morgue freezer.
"Don't go too far Jasper." He joked that Jasper didn't have long to live. Or that he often froze himself.
The Grim Reaper laughed evilly.
...
The school. Willie was monitoring a huge air conditioner on the roof. It had three settings, Scrooge's heart, Well digger's bum and witch's teat.
"Seymour this air con is a great idea! We're seeing students who went missing for years!" said Mrs Krabappel.
Jughead arrived, followed by Fat Albert followed by The Fonz.
Oscar laughed. "Hehehe! Pop culture references..."
Bart sighed.
"How's it going Mrs K?" The Fonz asked.
"Ooooooh Arthur..." Mrs Krabappel giggled.
Third grade.
"Artemis."
"Here miss."
"Ace Dracula."
"He died from the sunlight again, Miss..." said Inane Brian as they looked at Ace's chair. He was just a small pile of vampire ashes.
Ms McConnell sighed.
On the roof with the air conditioner.
"We're wasting more energy than Ricky Martin's girlfriend." said Skinner.
"Hey-oh!" said Willie chuckling.
"Guys no! Are you trying to get yourselves sued?!" Oscar whined.
Fourth grade. Everyone was groaning because of how hot it was.
"Well hard cheese. The government shut the school today..." said Mrs Krabappel.
She wrote some algebra or something on the chalkboard.
...
The Power plant.
"This town's wasting more energy than Ricky Martin's girlfriend." said Mayor Quimby.
"Guys enough!" Oscar groaned.
"Well um... by gum we're using up a lot of juice..." said the mayor.
"Yes we are... Now I want to tell you about the years I spent living with Tina Turner." said Oscar. "Or was that Timmy Turner?"
The grown ups ignored his silliness.
"Gentlemen, our city's sucking down the juice like my wife at an open bar." said Quimby.
Mrs Quimby glared at him.
"Mr. Burns, can your plant handle it?" Quimby asked Mr Burns.
Oscar sang Bootylicious by Destiny's Child.
Everyone was exasperated.
"No problem." said Mr Burns.
"We've siphoned off extra power from the orphanage. Who are they going to complain to? Their parents?" He was being evil again.
"I'm warning you old man! One more evil, jerkwad thing!" Oscar snapped.
"But, sir, we're at full capacity. One more appliance could overload the system." said Smithers.
(SCOFFS) "Fear not. Our town has dodged disaster, and I have come out smelling like guest-room soap." said Mr Burns.
"I like to eat guest-room soap." said Homer.
Mr Burns found that disturbing.
Electricity was visibly arcing along the power lines.
"And where do you think your going?!" Mr Burns scolded the cartoon electricity.
...
At the Simpsons house.
They are in light clothes ie shirts off in Homer, Bart and Hugo's case to keep cool.
They moaned as the fan tried to keep them cool.
"You know what will cool this place down? A little touch of winter." said Homer getting up and putting a singing Santa on.
"Dad, no! We're trying to conserve energy." said Lisa.
"Lisa, if we start conserving, the environmentalists win!" said Homer.
"Dad enough! This isn't a competition! We have scientific proof that the planet is getting warmer! Your side just has sound bytes and projection!" Lisa yelled.
"Homer why do you insist on listening to those buzz cut, egocentric, Fox blowhards?!" Marge supported her daughter.
"Okay genius, how are we gonna get about without cars? or planes?" Homer scoffed.
"The Amish don't have cars..." said Lisa smugly.
Homer grunted annoyed.
He put the dancing and sing Santa on anyway because there has to be drama in a story.
Santa sang Jingle Bell rock.
The jolly man continued singing until suddenly all the lights went out along with anything electrical immediately shutting off.
"Jingle what? Jingle what?!" Homer whined.
"Dad it's a power cut. a black out..." said Lisa.
"A black out?" Homer asked.
"Nothing will work..." said Hugo.
"Oooooooh! Every time Santa and I get together it's a disaster..." Homer sighed.
"You just had to play with the electronic singing Santa..." Lisa groaned.
...
At Moe's the TV shuts off.
"Oh no! We're gonna miss celebrity boxing!" Moe lamented.
"I hear Ed Bradley is fighting Mr Ed." said Lenny. Yes, the talking horse...
Outside the traffic lights were turned off too.
"It's terrible! No traffic lights!" said Carl.
"Not a safe time to be driving." said Lenny.
Some guy was driving while on his cell phone.
"Hey look at that jackass driving while on his cell phone." said Lenny.
"Cell phone?!" Wiggum got in his squad car and turned on the sirens and pursues the man driving while on his cell phone.
Drederick Tatum crashed his car into a store. "Huh? The alarm didn't go off!"
"Of course not. We're in a power cut." said Lenny.
"Let's loot!" said Drederick.
Everyone robs everything etc.
"Isn't that stealing?" Oscar asked.
"No, have some fun..." said Lenny stealing.
"Let's go nuts!" Carl yelled.
Oscar grinned. No do not encourage him!
In the Simpsons house.
"Ugh... Everyone is looting..." Lisa sighed.
Plot 2
The chaotic tune played as people rioted and looted.
Apu looked around the empty aisles of his store and sighed. This was his everything, his livelihood, his home, his life. In a few moments everything was taken by mad, insane citizens who normally law abiding decided that tonight they should just go nuts.
"Oh Ganesh, this is terrible!" Apu lamented.
"Kent, this city has exploded in a fireball of pent-up rage!" said Quimby to Kent Brockman.
"Or my ass after Taco Bell! Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Kent sighed.
"You think my house is safe?" Kent asked.
"Oh you mean your giant castle?" Arnie Pye yelled.
"Don't be jealous Arnie..." said Kent.
"Look! They're stealing from the tire fire!" said Kirk Van Houten.
People were trying to steal the burning tires.
"Ooooow! It burns! It burns!"
Oscar laughed.
The police arrive.
"Finally, some repression." said Kent.
"Uh you mean order and civility... They're nit here to repress people." said Oscar.
"All right, everyone! Disperse immediately! We are prepared to use force!" said Wiggum.
"Are we?" Eddie asked.
"Yes Eddie..." said Chief Wiggum.
"Hey look! Chief Wiggum is doing his job for once! ... Oh wait now he's joining the looters..." said Oscar.
"Wow! Shoe buffers!" Wiggum yelled.
...
The Simpsons sat on the roof of their house watching the riots.
"And thus ends the rule of law." said Lisa.
"Quiet you!" Homer snapped.
Look at those looters breaking windows, setting fires! They're living my dream, and you won't let me join them!" Bart whined. "Please, can I throw one little..."
"No." said Homer.
"What if I just burn down a..."
"No."
"Can I at least incite further..."
"No. I've caused enough trouble already by plugging in that Santa Claus. No more irresponsible behavior." said Homer.
"Can I have a beer?"
"All right. But not the imported."
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"You've got to set limits, Marge." Homer groaned.
"No beer!" Marge insisted.
Oscar pointed his gun at her.
"Okay fine! Go and have a beer then! Just stop pointing that thing at me you little monster!" Marge cried.
"THAT DOES IT! OSCAR GIMME THAT EVIL THING!" Lisa snapped.
"Nope. Stay back if you want to live..." Oscar menacingly brandished his hand gun and left with Bart to get some beer.
The Simpsons shrugged.
"Does Oscar always threaten people?" Hugo asked.
...
Bart and Oscar joined in on the riots.
"Hey look! Vincent Crabbe from Hogwarts is looting!" said Oscar. This is true! The actor was in a riot!
Bart winced.
James Brown was singing, because the episode title is a reference to one of his songs.
Bart sighed.
"Hey dweebs. You've got to lose yourselves in the moment." Jimbo saw them.
"Eminem reference!" Oscar screamed.
Bart face palmed.
They looted a store.
"Mannequins! You can't buy these!" Bart was stealing mannequins.
"I'm sure you can buy them from somewhere." said Oscar. "Anyway let me borrow some mannequins, I'm doing a Dr Who episode."
Bart winced.
Oscar was stealing tube socks.
"Oz you don't wear tube socks." said Bart.
"Well now no one else can." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
The roof of Milhouse's house. Inane Brian visited.
"This is crazy Brian! There's people starting fires! Throwing bricks at the cops!" said Milhouse.
"Bart's in the riots too!" said Brian.
Milhouse was concerned.
In the mayhem on the main boulevards of Springfield, Bart and Oscar had looted a liquor store and were drinking booze.
...
The remaining law abiding citizens held a meeting with the mayor.
"This is absolute shocking!"
"Please think of the children!" Helen Lovejoy cried.
"Order! Order!" Mayor Quimby rapped his gavel hammer.
"The looters stole me glass eye! This be a superball." said Sea Captain.
"Oh you old rum swillin' sea dog..." Sideshow Mel heckled.
"Arrrrrrr!" Sea captain growled.
"Back in my day, we had people who stood up to ruffians. We called them men." said Agnes Skinner.
"I agree with the hideous crone!" said Sideshow Mel.
"Why you ill mannered sack of crap!" Agnes yelled.
"Yeah! Hear, hear!"
"She's ugly!"
Agnes seethed.
"People please! That's my mother you're talking about!" Skinner, the imposter one in that stupid episode whined.
"What I want to know is where was Chief Wiggum in all this..." Marge asked.
Chief Wiggum brought all the stuff he stole. He stuttered and tugged at his shirt collar.
"Perhaps we need a new law enforcement force?" said Ned.
"Like when Homer formed a vigilante mob?" Mayor Quimby asked.
"Wait Mr Mayor! It's totally different now! My mob now has a uniform!" said Homer. "In a tasteful spring green!"
"Yaaaaaay!" Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature cheered.
...
The Simpsons house.
"Hmmmm... Where did everyone go?" Bart asked.
Bart's cell phone rang. Hugo was calling.
"Hey Hugh. Where's everyone.
"At the town hall, to discuss how police the town properly." said Hugo, "Oh and Mom and Dad are sooooo mad at you..."
Bart sighed and ended the call.
"What? Did I do a bad thing?" Oscar asked.
"No. And I'm sorry, I shouldn't blame you for messes I get myself into. You just want to help make happy, that's why your here right?" said Bart.
"Yep." said Oscar.
"Then I should let you help. I'm the one whining about wanting to join in the mayhem, and wanting a beer."
"My head hurts..." Oscar was drunk.
"Lets get to the meeting." said Bart.
"What time is it now?" Oscar asked.
"Just about half past ten. why?"
"Because it's RAINING MEN!" said Oscar.
Bart winced.
Everyone who didn't riot or loot was in the town hall discussing how to improve the town.
"I say Wiggum is to blame in all this for joining in the looting." said Moe.
"Hey!" Wiggum whined.
"No my Dad's to blame! He overloaded the town grid by playing his stupid singing Santa!" Lisa yelled.
Homer groaned as everyone jeered.
Bart and Oscar stumbled in drunk.
"Oooooh show me the way to go home..." Bart sang drunk.
"Well look what the cat dragged in..." Lisa quipped. She was cross with Bart, so was Marge.
"You call this a bicameral legislature?!" Oscar yelled drunk.
"Oz sit down..." Marge groaned.
...
Still in the town hall...
"And Chief why did need to steal a pair of Nikes?!" Kirk Van Houten yelled.
"People, rest assured the police department's ineptitude shall not stand. I am announcing the formation of a blue-ribbon committee." said Mayor Quimby.
People gasp.
"A committee?"
"Did he say blue-ribbon?"
"That's a candy bar!" said Oscar slurring his words.
"That's a Blue Riband... doofus..." Hugo sighed.
"Committees don't get any better than that."
"Man, am I appeased."
"So, can we keep the stuff we stole?" Lenny asked.
"Uh no. In fact, Wiggum your last duty before I hand the law over to a vigilante mob is to arrest every person who looted tonight. Oh and then arrest yourself." said Mayor Quimby.
Wiggum scowled.
"I don't care what they say. I won't feel safe in this town until we have better police." said Homer.
(SCOFFING) "Yeah. Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party." said Lewis.
Milhouse gawked at him.
"Okay fine... your parties rock..." Lewis sighed.
At home. The Simpsons are at home, duh!
"Homer, this is all your fault. If you hadn't plugged in your dancing Santa, none of this would have happened." Marge yelled.
"I admit it. I did screw up. But I won't feel guilty until I can put a human face on this." said Homer.
"Cooooool! Rip,off Ned's face!" Oscar was being um...
"Mom! Dad! Someone stole my Malibu Stacy collection!" Lisa sobbed.
"Marge, doesn't Lisa have a human face?" Homer asked.
"Yes, and she's crying." Marge nagged.
Lisa is crying with the tears and the whimpering etc.
"No she doesn't have a face! She's a faceless freak of nature!" Oscar yelled. He is a strange individual.
Marge face palmed.
...
And that's not the last ridiculous comment from Oscar.
"Kallae kistnaeee..."
"That's it! Nobody messes with my little girl! Except over her libtard veganism." said Homer.
Marge glared at him,
"I'm going to find those dolls!" Homer declared.
"Are you gonna call the police?" Hugo asked.
"Oh! Forget it! They couldn't catch a cold with a cold-catching thing." said Homer.
"See, when you don't use Milhouse, it's hard." said Bart.
"I love this kid." Homer tousles his hair.
The backyard.
"Yes. Interesting. Okay." Homer is drawing.
"All right, I've come up with a composite sketch of my prime suspect. Behold!" said Homer. The picture was of Bart.
"Dad, that's Bart." said Lisa.
"Exactly. Look at him over there, eating that apple. What's he planning? What?" said Homer watching Bart eat an apple.
"Maybe we should look for clues." Lisa sighed.
"You're right." said Homer.
They found a woolly hat.
(GASPING) "What's this? A cap!" said Homer.
"From The Wooly Bully." said Lisa.
Homer did his Columbo.
They go to that store.
Plot 3
Inside the Woolly Bully store.
"Yello."
"Yes?" The store owner asked.
"Do you sell hats?" Homer interrogated him.
"Yeah." said the store guy.
"To people? People with heads?" Homer asked.
"Maybe. Sometimes." said the store owner.
Oscar shrieked in horror. "Aaaaaagh! Are you telling me there's headless people walking around with hats floating above their necks?!"
Homer face palmed.
They eventually work out Jimbo Jones stole Lisa's dolls.
"Ah ha! Did you steal a Malibu Stacey doll?" Homer interrogates him.
"I think they demean women." said Jimbo.
Lisa smiled. "They had been demeaning women Jimbo. That's why I worked with Stacey Duval to make a new, feminist doll."
"Look do you want your doll back or not..." Homer frowned.
"Yes..." Lisa took back her doll.
Later they went to Phinaes Q Butterfats ice cream parlour.
"I liked that. I felt a rush of power pushing that kid around." said Homer.
Lisa was just pleased to get her doll back.
"Maybe I should form my own law enforcement. But this time it will have a clever name and a snappy uniform." said Homer.
"Uh huh..." Lisa said not interested. This will go horribly wrong like all of Dad's projects.
...
The Kwik e Mart.
"I felt like a big man, this must be how god feels." said Homer.
"Well having a cop for a Dad is a good thing I suppose." said Lisa.
Snake was robbing Apu.
"Yo hand over all your money Apu!" said Snake.
"Oh a criminal! And not a cop in sight! Think Homer! Think!" Homer pondered how to stop snake.
"Silent alarm activated!" A very loud announcement screeched.
"Oh you are so dead!" Snake pointed his shotgun at Apu.
Homer threw a cauldron of boiling hot nacho cheese over him.
"Oooooow! Muy picante!" snake yelled.
"Say cheese, dirtbag!" Homer quipped.
"You idiot! That hurt! I could sue!" Snake yelled.
"Oh and what Judge would take you seriously when you explained you tried to rob a convenience store..." said Homer.
In court.
"I order you to pay Snake Jailbird five hundred dollars compensation for maiming him!" said Judge Constance Harm. More on her in Season 14, Basically she's an evil judge and punishes the innocent.
Homer cried.
"Wow! I should be suing people! Not robbing them!" said Snake.
At Home. Homer wept.
"Homer you were very brave. Unfortunately that mean judge who looks a lot like the mean mom off of Malcolm in the middle is just corrupt!" said Marge.
"Yeah she's a bent judge..." said Oscar scowling.
...
Homer then gathered round volunteers for his posse. Skinner, Apu and Moe volunteered.
"We will call ourselves Spring-shield." said Homer.
"I like it. It's got a got a good ring to it." said Skinner.
"And these are our uniforms, in a tasteful spring green." said Homer.
"Yaaaaay!" Teddy, Oscar's living Teddy bear thing cheered.
Oscar winced.
"Will there be pie?" Teddy asked delighted.
"Uh no..." said Homer.
Then there was a commercial.
An old lady screams. There is a cartoon monster in her house.
"We'll save you ma'am!" said Homer in his spring green Spring shield uniform.
They beat up the monster.
"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Hey! I'm just a guy in a costume!" the monster whined.
Then Homer partnered up Lenny and Carl.
"Us Partners?!"
"No way!" Apparently they had fallen out lately.
"You'll be partners or I'm taking your badges!" said Homer.
"We don't need no stinking badges!" said Carl.
Homer winced.
Then he brought everyone guns again.
Bang! "Oops!" Lenny's shotgun fired.