This chapter takes place 20 years after the wedding, during the epilogue of Mockingjay, but it won't be the epilogue of this story.
TW: Mention of miscarriage
Unlike our own external scars, the scars of district Twelve have healed beautifully. At least on the surface; I wonder if there's anyone who hasn't been mentally damaged by the war. This is now a beautiful and developed place, nothing like the battlefield it once resembled. Looking at this place no one would imagine the destruction we found after the war, the misery that we had endured before.
Looking back at the data available, the Repopulate Twelve Initiative lasted for about one year, was responsible for 9.557 marriages – with 96 annulments during the expected period of one month - and 435 subsequent divorces. So far, 16.074 children were born from these couples and have originated 108 grandchildren until now.
Our friends that - like us - participated in the Initiative are still thriving. In all, we are four couples and twelve children.
Haymitch hasn't drank for almost twenty years now. He became very quiet after he gave up his addiction on alcohol. He spends his days working in the Lana and Haymitch Abernathy Foundation – where, as a lawyer, he has been doing a good job of getting many Avoxes their old houses and money back, and reuniting split families. The remainder of his time is spent sitting in his favorite rocking chair, staring at the void, or simply being with his wife and children. Sometimes his eyes fix on Peeta and me for a long time. When it happens, we know he's remembering.
Lana takes care of the geese most of the time.
Our family has grown a lot since Haymitch and I first came from the Capitol after the war. He and Lana had their first daughter, Brandi, a few months after she was discharged from the hospital. A son, Jameson, followed five years later.
After the twins, Delly and Thom had three more kids, and he's now famous in the entire country as the mayor who does it all. In fact, he keeps doing everything it takes to improve our district. He can be a janitor, a firefighter, a mason, all in the same day. For being so dedicated, Paylor wants him to be the next president of Panem.
India and Bligh had three girls and are now expecting a fourth. When given the choice, India chose to never have a tongue replacement like her sister Lana had. She was only seven years old when she became an Avox, and she had been a late speaker before that, so she doesn't think she would ever be able to speak correctly. She doesn't want the hassle, mostly. Plus, she had her first baby less than one year after her wedding, and she didn't want her new family to be separated, even if only for a short amount of time. There was no need, actually. All of us have a good grasp of sign language by now. Her husband is one of the most proficient teachers of sign language in Panem: he has written several books about it, teaches it to adults in Lana's foundation and also to the students at school, and their children were taught to be fluent from a young age as well.
"I wish Gale had a family like yours," Hazelle tells our group sometimes. "He's just work, work, work."
Gale has never married nor does he have any children. He's a Lieutenant General now, strongly trusted by President Paylor and we usually see him on television. Our relationship with him is positive, but distant. A few letters and phone calls once in a while. I think he's happy with the way his life is turning out.
Today we go to the Meadow to commemorate our son's birthday with a picnic.
Every year, on the week that marks the fall of Snow's regime, there are big parties to commemorate our still relatively newfound freedom, especially rounds of interviews with the war heroes, fireworks and a big parade at the Capitol. We are always requested to attend them, but we never do. At first, we gave the most absurd excuses to avoid it. That we were ill. That our cat was ill. That we had a new bakery to open. And another, and then another. We always seem to open a new bakery by that time. In total, we have twenty four bakeries across Panem.
We would never expect that it would one day coincide with the birth of our youngest son. I'll always find it curious that Dan's birthday fell on the anniversary of Prim's death and of the burns that Peeta and I will forever carry in our bodies. On this day, I never know what to feel - if the joy can overcome the sadness. There's a bit of both, I guess.
Fifteen years after our wedding, we campaigned for President Paylor's third reelection - like we had done in the two previous ones - and toured the districts to present our book. The book was a huge success from day one – the first edition sold out within days. Every family wanted to see us in our tour and we must have spent dozens of nights on the train so that we could combine the political campaign calendar with the promotion of the book. Then Paylor was reelected, I was freed from my obligation to stay in district Twelve and we were ecstatic. I can't pinpoint exactly when, but I believe that our daughter Rye was conceived on the train. I still don't know how I made that decision, I was so scared. Probably I was too exhausted to think clearly, and it's a good thing I was. My conditions were fulfilled for the time being, and then I was the one who asked Peeta to have her.
People assume that we named her Rye in her uncle's honor. It couldn't be farther from the truth; to honor everyone who touched us in some special way and isn't in this world anymore we would need to have at least twenty children, and by now we're simply too old for that. For that reason, we decided to honor our history together. The little bundle of pink skin, raven hair and blue eyes was named after the bread that Peeta burned to save my life: rye bread, filled with raisins and nuts.
Rye is five years old now; she loves baking, singing and dancing. Once she was born, we knew we wanted another child, and I got pregnant again a few months after giving birth to her.
Peeta had told me once that he didn't want me to have children before we had a hospital in district Twelve, and I found out he was right in the worst possible manner. My second pregnancy ended in a bad miscarriage that would have likely had worse consequences if we had no medical help. We didn't want to try for another baby after that, but then Dan happened when we least expected him.
Dan was named after the first dandelion of the spring, the promise that there will always be a way to start again, that something good can be born out of nothing when all hope is gone. After the pain we endured because of the miscarriage, of yet another child lost, that's what he is. He is a sweet little boy with blonde curls and gray eyes, and he's becoming a two-year-old big boy today. He absolutely adores his sister Rye, who dances and runs freely as he struggles to keep up with her on his chubby toddler legs.
"Daddy, where's granny?" Rye asks.
"She's collecting some leaves," Peeta replies. "She'll be back soon."
My mother regained her liveliness when she got married for the second time, to the point she was almost like herself when my father was alive. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Lucas, my stepfather, somehow lost the love he had once felt for her.
When he left her, she acted exactly like she did when my father died. She sat and stared at the void, unable to do anything to help herself or her daughter. But later, when she realized she had been exchanged for another woman, the suicidal thoughts begin.
We feared what she would do the worst if left alone, so we had no option but to put her in the care of Dr. Aurelius.
The fancy apartment where she had lived with Lucas in district Four was sold. As Ella and I rummaged in her drawers, we found notebooks and bundles of clippings about me. My mother had always been close to Prim and then Ella, but we had never been close; first, I had been my daddy's girl, and later we had lost trust in each other because, at age eleven, I stopped being her daughter and started mothering her. Despite all that, she had saved every piece of every magazine about me. On that day I found out I still had what I thought had been long lost: her love.
Upon discovering that, I cried harder than I ever had in the last decade and, as soon as she was discharged from Dr. Aurelius' care, Peeta and I brought her to live with us.
It wasn't easy at first. Ella was only fifteen; she spent most of her time with her father in district Four because of school, and my mother suffered deeply for her absence.
But by then I was going through my first pregnancy. I can't forget my mother's face when she found out she was going to be a grandmother: she grinned and put her hand on my belly. It was the first time I had seen her smile since she had come home.
On that same day, she started gathering plants to prepare a tea for my morning sickness. It wasn't much, but it was the first step. With her it's always one step forward and two behind.
She isn't weak. My mother is a fighter, like us. Peeta and I have battled in the Hunger Games and after, but she has been battling her own mind for who knows how long. I think it is much harder and takes tons of strength. Dr. Aurelius believes it wasn't my father's death that threw her off. She had felt moments of instability before, but my father was her stabilizing force.
Like Peeta is mine.
Some days later, we travel to district Four to attend the wedding of Finn Odair and Brandi Abernathy.
No one expected it to happen. Growing up, they didn't have a connection; Haymitch and Annie aren't close. But when Brandi turned seventeen, Lana wouldn't allow her to study at the Capitol University, where she imagines she still may have enemies. So Brandi went to Four University to study Business and Administration and got acquainted with Finn, who was one year her senior. They say this is all we need to know about it.
The newlyweds will be living with Annie, because they don't want her to be alone. Haymitch and Lana have their son Jameson, and each other, and the whole Bligh and Mellark family. Annie has no one.
Not that it makes them any happier about their separation from their daughter.
What would have Finnick said if I had ever told him his son would marry Haymitch's daughter? He would laugh at me and say I was crazy. I feel a mixture of sadness and joy as Haymitch walks his daughter down the aisle. Amidst my tears, I wish my friend had lived to witness this day. But he didn't. He'll be forever twenty five.
Seeing Axel for the first time, Bligh can't stop staring at him. We haven't told anyone, not even Haymitch, who Axel's mother is. For all effects, he's just Finn's best man and our godson. We don't want to intrude against Johanna's will; we've already intruded so much in the past. Axel and his father are too similar in looks and personality, something that irks Johanna, but she has always maintained to Axel that he is the son of a deceased fisherman from district Four.
So when Bligh, curious, extends his hand to his son and says:
"Icarus Bligh, nice to meet you."
Axel shakes his hand and simply replies:
"Axel Fisher."
Axel and Johanna have visited us frequently during all these years, albeit always in secret and right from the station to the lake house. It's unfortunate that Johanna doesn't leave the house because she's afraid of the lake, but she thinks it's still better than going to Victor's Village and have her son be seen by Haymitch and Lana. Few people in the world know that Johanna is a mother, as she has managed to keep it out of the press. Sadly for a victor, it means that she can't go out in public with her son and she never took him to school. She is now known as the "reclusive victor", which is to say a lot, since her competition is Haymitch, Annie, Bettee and us.
She also chose not to attend the wedding because she doesn't want to see the family of the bride, and Finn is deeply wounded by that. Johanna and Axel used to spend half of their year in district Four with Finn and Annie, and the other half back in district Seven. After the last encounter with Bligh, almost nineteen years ago, she went back to dating. She has dated both men and women and seems to have finally settled down with a nurse from district Eight. We spend two weeks every winter in their house, and then we see them again in Annie's house for two weeks in the summer, not to mention all the weekends they spend in district Twelve, so we have a close relationship with Axel.
I wonder what we will tell the others about him if they ask questions.
Putting an end to my thoughts, Dan comes to my lap, gives me a big hug, kisses my face, climbs all over me and then runs to his beloved Brandi. He's a very energetic little boy.
"My parents have the best love story," I hear Finn brag in the middle of a conversation. "Mom, tell them how Father made you win the games."
Annie blushes. She shrugs and tries to brush it off, but we all look at her questioningly. Finn has got our undivided attention now.
"We're curious," Haymitch says with his eyebrows raised. "It must be good."
Annie chuckles nervously and drinks a whole glass of champagne.
"You know Finnick was my mentor when I was reaped for the Hunger Games," she says carefully. "You have no idea. Finnick was charming to everyone else but he was very quiet around me. He couldn't even look at me in the eye. I didn't think that he liked me at all."
Anyone can understand why she would think that. Finnick flirted with everyone he encountered.
"I believed he had already written me off because I was weak. But one night he told me I would be the winner of that edition of the Games. I didn't believe it at first. I thought he said the same to everyone."
"I can see where this is going," says Haymitch.
"The night before my Games he told me to just run away and hide the best I could, that he would take care of it for me. I did as he said and no one found me until the day in which the arena was flooded. I was the best swimmer of the competition, so I won," Annie says with a shy smile, "I knew it was his doing, but he always denied it. He never admitted it until after the Victory Tour."
"I always had my suspicions, especially when I found out you were together" says Haymitch. "When all that water came it was clear that no one had a chance against you."
I wonder why I had never stopped to think about it. It was obvious that the flood on the 70th Hunger Games meant there was only one possible winner. I wonder what price Finnick had to pay for that, but I remember I must stop. That's nothing to think about today. Whatever the price was, it gave us this wonderful day.
"Why would you keep it a secret?" I ask.
"I didn't want to tarnish Finnick's legacy," Annie says. "Twenty three teenagers never had a chance to survive so that I could live for him. Imagine the backlash it would have if the families got to know about it. Anyway, this was supposed to be a family secret," she adds, giving a pointed look to her son.
"I think the story is amazing," says Peeta.
Annie could write her own book, but she doesn't seem to want to. It's probably better not to divulge the story while the families of her contestants still live.
"You give a good competition to the star-crossed lovers of district Twelve," Lana says playfully.
"No. Their story has had a happy ending," Annie says sadly, and Finn comes to hug her.
With that the subject is over.
I'm too sleepy to stay at the party after dinner, so we retreat to our room in Annie's house. Our whole family of four is staying there because the house is crowded; Peeta and I share a bed while Rye and Dan share a mattress on the floor, next to us.
I put Dan to sleep while Rye cleans her teeth with Peeta's help. Looking at my son's beautiful face, I feel afraid of what I'd be losing if I had chosen not to have children.
It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree to have them. But Peeta wanted them so badly, and so did I. I was just terrified.
It's not always easy, and the destructive thoughts still keep me awake sometimes at night. Some days I remember everything so vividly I can't take pleasure in anything. It reminds me that my husband, my children, my sister Ella, my friends, everything can be taken away from me, like Prim and my father were, like Rue was, and Finnick, and so many people I cared about. My eldest child knows that mommy and daddy are different from the other parents. Sometimes we're not quite right. Luckily, however, Peeta never had a flashback since that day in our honeymoon, fifteen years ago, so our sweet natured children never had to witness how horrifying it could be.
I know my fears are irrational: I have Peeta, and he's the best father any child could have.
We keep writing children's books together: I write, Peeta illustrates. Since our first fans are growing up and there's been a high demand for us to write more books, we're writing for young adults too. We are publishing fiction mostly, although we are well known for several accounts of our games. Recently, Plutarch Heavensbee has been interested in making movies based on our books. We still don't know if that's a good idea, but we know he's producing a film about Gale and the night he saved the survivors of the bombing in district Twelve. Our decision will depend on the veracity and outcome of that film. We need to be careful - we have Rye and Dan to think about.
It will be okay, we think. We have the children's book and we are stars among the kids of Panem. Most people admire us.
But Rye still hasn't read the book, and we know they talk about the Games at school. I'm afraid someone will tell her, in the worst way possible, that her mommy and daddy have killed people. Children, mostly.
"Mommy's here," Rye squeals as she enters the room. "And Danny's asleep."
Rye has been confused by the talks about the Hunger Games today. She has asked many questions and she's too smart to drop the subject. Peeta and I don't need many words to communicate at this point: a quick eye exchange and we decide that she's ready. We think it's time to show her the children's book. Luckily for us, a copy is always in our suitcase for the presentations we do all across Panem. I pick it and give it to my husband.
Rye lies on the bed in the middle of us. Peeta starts reading in his warm voice and I can see the moment my daughter is projected into an alternative world, the world that used to be our reality. We see the effect the book provokes in her by the look of her eyes. We have seen the same expression in thousands of children before. First she's amazed, then upset, then happy.
"Is this real or nor real?" she asks in the end, and we confirm it's real.
She poses varied questions and deals with the answers with a calm and maturity that I didn't possess even at sixteen. In the end, she hugs us deeply with a look in her eyes that we had never seen in another child. We think it's pride.
She's proud of being our daughter.
She asks us if we can reread the book tomorrow at night before leaving our bed to join Dan in the mattress. Once settled, we cover her with a blanket, but she doesn't let the subject go.
"Mommy, did you really want to hurt daddy when you threw him the bees? You only wanted to scare him, right?"
"I really wanted to hurt him," I confirm, feeling guilty to admit it so eagerly.
"But why?" she asks, probably distraught at the idea of her precious daddy being injured.
"Because I thought that he was bad, that he wanted to hurt me too."
Rye sits on the mattress, outraged.
"How could you believe that? He's so good!"
"That's true. You know him better than I did then," I say with a smile. "But when I found out he was good I did everything I could not to let him get hurt anymore."
My answer seems to pacify her, but her indignation is directed to Peeta instead.
"And you," she points her finger to him. "You should have told her the truth! It's all your fault!"
"You're right," says Peeta with a wink. "I promise I'll explain everything tomorrow when we read it again, do you allow it?"
"Yes," she replies. "I'll allow it."
"Good," I say. "Because it's time to sleep now."
But Rye can hardly fall asleep. She sighs, grins and stares at us lovingly. She's fighting the sleep fiercely even though, in the battle between the sleep and my daughter, the sleep always wins.
We stay quiet for a while, looking at our children who sleep soundly next to us, breathing slowly and rhythmically. I couldn't be prouder of them. Our son Dan will hear the story from his sister even before we can read the book to him. Judging by her reaction, he'll think we're wonderful.
After so many years of worry, I'm starting to think this won't be a problem at all.
I'm ashamed of lying idly in bed while I can hear everyone else still at the party. They understand, because all of them assume we're here to take care of our children. However, that's not the main reason why I'm resting tonight.
Finally feeling that we are in privacy, Peeta looks at me with worry written on his features.
"How do you feel?" he asks, gently brushing my hair off my face.
"Better," I say. "I didn't throw up today, that's success."
He smiles and holds me with his arm, cupping my belly with his other hand. The little baby has been growing in my womb for almost three months now. No one knows it yet except Peeta and I, and we'll keep it a secret for a week or two longer.
When the time comes, our children will be the first to know they're having a new sibling.
Next chapter: Epilogue. Katniss and Peeta visit the Training Center forty years after their wedding and reflect on their lives.