I awoke, my sight fuzzy, laying on my left side, someone else's arms wrapped around my waist. I panicked, the last thing I knew, I was in the castle on Naboo, surrounded by stormtroopers and Palpatine, Ash on his knees in front of me while Vader held his lightsaber dangerously close to his precious neck. Who could be cuddling me? I cringed, at a loss for who it could be, as I felt their leg drape over mine and their forehead nestle deeper into my back. Surely Palpatine hadn't allowed Ash to return to our room after such a threatening display, unless the presentation was all just a fake to see how close I would allow Ash to come to death before I'd give up the plans. Besides, this didn't look like our room in the castle at all. I flitted my eyes about the setting once my vision had improved, taking in all the details. It looked like a medical facility, almost identical to the ones on Kashyyyk. The room was cramped, not like any of the many spacious ones in the castle, there was a cushioned chair beside the bed I was laying on that looked too outdated to belong to the castle, and the cabinets had clear glass windows, ones you could see straight through to the equipment inside, unlike the cupboards in the castle which conformed to the secretive atmosphere with their opaque fronts. I searched for a weapon I could use to ambush whoever was sharing the bed with me and found a pile of sharp medical tools on the bedside table. I swiftly snatched one up and flipped it in my hand so that the pointed end faced the stranger. I aimed precisely between where I assumed the eyes would be and hovered just inches away, prepared to stab through the skin if I needed to. "Who's there?" I demanded to know. I felt the leg around mine grow rigid with fear and I realized this could not be someone who was used to being threatened. Could it be…? "It's me." Ash's familiar, deep voice, sounding weak and shaky, answered me. "Ash!" I sat up immediately while rolling over at the same time to face him and he propped himself up on his hands. I pulled him in close and kissed him, he hummed satisfiedly as if he'd been eagerly waiting for this for a while and I felt him smile against my lips and thread his fingers through my hair. I broke away from him with a smack, breathlessly gasping for air and looked him over, scanning for signs of injury. The room was dark so I couldn't see his face in detail, but as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I could see enough. His black eye was still swollen and there were scratches on his face. I felt horribly guilty for frightening him with my weapon draw when I was sure his experience had traumatized him enough. On continuing my once over, I noticed his arm was in a sling. "Are you okay?" I pointed at it. "Yeah," he nodded instantaneously as if it were an automatic response, causing me to not truly believe him. "I'm okay," he said distractedly and looked down at my hand that held the surgical instrument against the mattress now. "Why do you have a knife?" He asked, concerned as he pointed to it. I lifted up my hand and examined it more closely, I hadn't quite paid attention to what I was grabbing when I'd grabbed it. "It's a scalpel." I informed him as I smiled innocently, holding it up to him. "Give me that!" He ordered and yanked it out of my hands, his command meaningless since he'd done it himself. I pouted for a moment teasingly as I crossed my arms brattishly, then I remembered there was an entire stack of them beside me. "I have more." I warned, smirking at him with my chin tilted down. He glared at me, unamused and held his empty hand out to me after switching the scalpel to his hand farthest away from me. "Give me all the scalpels you have." His fingers twitched as he curled them inwards towards his palm, gesturing for me to surrender them to him, pretending he didn't trust me. I rolled my eyes and reached behind me, collecting all of them as he'd instructed without looking. I handed him the bundle and he stood up from the cot. "Where are we?" I asked rapidly, giving him a reason to stay, I certainly didn't want him to leave. "Back at base," he mumbled as he walked around to the other side of the bed, looking down at the pile of scalpels in his palm as he thumbed through them all. He came and sat down in the chair beside the gurney and my heart leapt. We had done it, we had succeeded, we had escaped! But if that were the case, why did he seem so disappointed? Had we lost someone? Immediately my thoughts jumped to Rebel who would no doubt be here with me if she had been rescued since I was in the med bay, not my bedroom. Surely something had happened to me, causing me to be the one in the cot, unless we were all being confined to the med bay, all of us having suffered an extent of damage. Still, I asked. "Where's Rebel?" I tried to keep my voice light and optimistic, but I found that it trembled with terror unintentionally. "She didn't make it out," Ash revealed with a sigh as he set the scalpels down on the bedside table, apparently not realizing that was where they'd come from in the first place. My heart came crashing down to my stomach after its leap earlier. "What happened?" I asked each word separately as I clenched my teeth and fists. "You fainted," he refreshed my memory, helping me understand why I didn't remember what had happened between what I last remembered and now. "Rebel came to rescue us, but she got caught by Thrawn as we were leaving," he said remorsefully as he refused to meet my eyes. "She sacrificed her freedom for ours," he whispered, summing up her heroic act in one sentence. "We have to go back for her," I said decidedly, but Ash looked up at me and shook his head slowly with tears in his eyes. "We promised!" I reminded him in a booming voice. We couldn't leave her there, not after we'd given our word. "Rue," he said calmingly and grabbed my wrist, the one with the friendship bracelet around it and held it up to me. "She's not on Naboo anymore." Sure enough, I looked down at the compass and it was not pointing at the wall in front of me, in the direction Naboo would be from here while facing this way. It was instead pointing at the window to my right, she could be anywhere in the galaxy in that direction, there was no telling how far or how close. "We'll find her," I nodded assuredly. "We'll-" I began, a plethora of ideas on ways we could locate her coming to mind, but Ash cut me off. "There's more," he said painfully, avoiding my eyes again as he steadied both of my hands in my lap. "When you fainted," he swallowed hard. "Your blood pressure dropped and your uterus wasn't getting enough blood, so you had a placental abruption." He squeezed my hands and stifled a sob. "They had to do an emergency c-section." He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face. I was only five months pregnant, if they did a c-section now, he likely wouldn't survive in the incubator alone. "Cole didn't make it," Ash proved me right, his voice breaking. "He was too little." He shook his head and his bottom lip trembled as he took erratic breaths. "I'm so, so sorry," he apologized earnestly, though it wasn't his fault, it was all mine. My son was gone because of me. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling like my insides might spill out with how awful I felt, only for me to collapse into the sinking feeling even further as I realized my abdomen was much smaller than I was used to with the added weight removed. I cried into my hands, berating myself internally for not noticing earlier he was missing from me and for being such a terrible mother. Having him attached to me was just such a constant now, I never thought anything about it anymore. "Did you see him?" I asked, parting my fingers to peek at Ash through them. I hadn't even gotten a chance to meet him before he died, I wondered if his father had. He nodded wordlessly. "What did he look like?" I asked him to describe Cole to me so I could at least get a sense of what the person who'd been a part of me for the past five months looked like. "I couldn't tell," Ash shook his head. "He was too small." He hung his head as it was no doubt traumatizing for him to relive. "Could I just be alone for a little bit, please?" I pleaded, I didn't want Ash to see me so undone, I wanted to ask him to give me some space before I lost all decorum. "Of course." He squeezed my shoulder and left the room politely. I mourned over memories that had not even been made yet and would never have the opportunity to be made. Ash and Cole playing catch together, the two of them making paper star fighters together and flying them around the room, making engine noises with their mouths, Ash and Cole playing air guitar to their favorite song while they jumped on the bed, Ash teaching Cole how to shave, Cole protecting his sister from anyone who dared to pick on her. All of that was gone, lost forever and I was alone, something I had never been before. Even when there was no one else in the room, I'd always had Cole with me, and before that, in the months between the two pregnancies, I'd had Ash, and always before that, before either pregnancy nor marriage, I'd had Rebel. Now I was alone. Totally alone. A few hours later, I heard a knock on the door. "Come in," I permitted, wiping my raw, tear drained, puffy eyes one last time with my finger. I was sure I didn't look decent enough for company, but I needed it. The door cracked open enough for me to see Ash, standing there cautiously with a tray, a bowl of steaming, appetizing smelling soup on it. I gestured for him to enter and he gave me a sympathetic smile before stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. He sat down in the ugly green chair, a much darker green than his eyes, and spoonfed me the soup. "I'm not an invalid." I chuckled at his refusal to let me feed myself as I covered my mouth with my hand while I savored the taste. "I know," he nodded, stirring the food with the utensil and scooping up another bite for me. "But I want to take care of you." He moved the spoon closer to my mouth and I opened, allowing myself to be fed. "How are you feeling?" He asked while I let the warm liquid soothe my throat. "Better." I gave a weak smile, the most convincing one I could muster. "Thank you." I thanked him for asking, then remembered he was dealing with this too. "How are you feeling?" I asked him and he paused for a moment, the spoon submerged in the bowl. He leaned forward and kissed me before answering my question. "Better now." His mouth hung on the shape of the last syllable as he sat back in the chair as if he was thinking hard, putting all his effort into his thought process so that none was left to close his mouth. "How come whenever I kiss you, you still blush?" He cocked an eyebrow at me questioningly. I pressed my palms up against my cheeks, trying to feel the warmth. I guess I hadn't noticed the heat rising to my cheeks anymore since it was such a common nature to me now. What I did know was that I still felt special whenever he kissed me, that feeling would never fade away, like I was the only girl he ever wanted to kiss. That sensation was permanent and he still amazed me everyday with the way he proved that what I was feeling was real, that I really was the only girl for him. "Because you'll always be my crush." I shrugged, coming up with the only logical reason, knowing he was the only guy for me too. "Did you just rhyme for me?" He asked, flashing me one of his most charming smiles. "Maybe." I shrugged again, looking off into the distance and giggling, realizing I accidentally did it again. He set the tray on the bedside table and stood up from the chair to crawl into bed with me. He rested his head on my chest as we laid down together and I ran my fingers through his silky hair until he fell asleep. Once I was sure my movements wouldn't disturb him, I wriggled my way out from underneath him, propping his head up on the pillow behind us, and went to the exercise room. I had managed not to tip Ash off, but I needed to blow off some steam. Whenever I felt like this, so helpless, so furious, the exercise room was my retreat. I would punch the punching bag hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room, picturing it as the symbol of all my enemies, the battle droids, Palpatine, the Kaminoans, and now myself. The emotions I felt from this tragedy though were far stronger than any that I'd ever experienced, I didn't know if my coping method would work. Upon seeing the mirror in the room, my curiosity was piqued and I approached it, wondering what my incision looked like. I lifted up my shirt and looked at the 15 fresh stitches across my lower abdomen, wincing as I touched them. I grunted out a yell as I punched the bag hanging at my side in anger and tears pricked my eyes. That scar would be with me forever as a reminder that I'd lost him, I didn't understand how Ash could still love me, knowing I'd caused him to lose his son. Maybe he didn't, maybe as soon as I'd recovered from my surgery, he'd say goodbye to me. Surely he couldn't forgive me for this, if I couldn't forgive myself and it was certainly noticeable, it would be yet another scar for him to have to pretend to ignore and accept when I knew they made me unladylike. There was no way he could possibly love someone so damaged, not even pretend to. So I decided to release him, to make it easy on him so that he didn't have to put up with me until I healed, because I still loved him, no matter what and I wanted him to be the happiest he could be. He couldn't be that if he was stuck with me. My knees buckled as I sobbed and I collapsed on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and crying into them. Moments later, someone knelt beside me and put their comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Ash who gave me a reluctant, compassionate smile. I was grateful for his efforts, but he didn't have to fake loving me anymore just because he was a gentleman. "I would understand if you don't love me anymore." I rubbed my eyes with my fists, choosing my words carefully so that he had an easy way out and didn't feel obligated to me anymore while also subtly letting him know that the feeling was not mutual by not explicitly telling him to let me go. "Rue," he furrowed his eyebrows together tightly as he donned a hurt expression and squeezed my shoulder with his hand that was resting on it. "How could you even say that?" He asked offendedly and scooted closer to me, wrapping his entire arm around both my shoulders as he allowed me to lean on him. "I love you more every single day," he proclaimed as he stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. "I love your courage and your strength," he rested his cheek on my head. "I love the way you sleep with your hands under your face like a princess," he demonstrated by pressing his palm against my cheek. "I love the way you stick your tongue out when you write," he pointed out some quirks about myself that I didn't even know existed. "I love that little crinkle you get in your nose when you talk to Ria." He booped the tip of my nose, noting even the most minute of details. "You notice that?" I asked timidly as my nose twitched from the touch. "I notice everything about you." He forced me to look up at him as he lifted my chin with his hand. "I love everything about you." He insisted while wiping my tears with his thumb. He didn't have to do this anymore, he was free, hadn't I made that clear? As I looked into his trustworthy eyes though, he didn't seem to be lying, maybe he really did love all that stuff and it outweighed the disgust he likely felt from my scars. Regardless, he wasn't the only one who paid attention to the details. "I love that your cheeks fill with air when you're concentrating," I'd caught him mimicking holding his breath, just out of habit, whenever he was particularly focused on repairing a complicated ship part. "I love that one curl that droops onto your forehead," I twirled my finger around the single lock of hair that deviated from the rest and fell on the middle of his forehead. He looked up at it, cross eyed, making us both giggle, bringing me to my next aspect of his lovable personality to point out. "I love that you're not afraid to be silly," A trait I'd hoped would be passed down to Ria, whereas me on the other hand, was always self conscious about other people seeing my goofy side. Ash though, didn't seem to care who was watching, so long as he was making me laugh. "And I love that you remind me each and every day why life is worth living." I cupped his face and kissed him gently, aware this time of the cut on his lip. "You're my reason to live as well." He squeezed me as tightly as he could with the sling hindering his movement. We sat together silently, enjoying a few moments of peace before Ash spoke up, changing the subject. "I'm going after her," he announced, rubbing my shoulder calmingly as if I would protest. "Who?" I asked, pushing against his chest to sit myself up. "Rebel," he answered, looking down at me unwavering. "By yourself?" I asked worriedly, once he got that look in his eyes, he was not easily swayed, but I was definitely not letting him take on Thrawn alone. "No," he shook his head and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Ahsoka, Hera, and Wrecker are coming with me." It was a good team, save for Wrecker. A Jedi would prove useful in locating Rebel through the force and her combat skills would be valuable as well. Hera was an excellent pilot for the journey, the best one the Rebellion had, and I supposed Wrecker's brawn would be beneficial for the mission, especially since he would be eager to take out his revenge on Thrawn for what he did to his sister. "We're going to scout out the Outer Rim territories until we find her," Ash said determinedly, recognizing that the direction in which the arrow pointed was towards the Outer Rim. "I'm coming with you." I was the one thing they were missing, the bait. I could provide a way to lure Thrawn out of hiding and if I had to trade my life for Rebel's, that was a sacrifice I was willing to make. "I can't let you do that." Ash refused as I knew he would. "You're still recovering." He lightly placed his palm over my stomach, indicating my recent procedure. "So are you." I retaliated, gesturing at his arm in the sling. "I hate to say it," he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and smiled sadly. "But I'm in better condition than you are," he tried to say humbly, and I knew he was right. "Don't worry, princess, I'll come back." He promised, knocking his forehead against mine. "I'll always come back." He didn't come back.