"We leave tomorrow," he informed me, trailing off as we both heard Ria beginning to wail from the other room. "I'll get her." He grunted with effort as he had only one hand to push himself up with. "Thank you," I thanked him as I wrapped my fingers around his muscled arm and helped push him into an upright position from where I sat on the floor. "Thank you," he emphasized the last word, turning the appreciation over to me as he bowed once he was standing and I giggled, assuming there was no way I could've been that much help, but I humbly accepted the gratitude with a gracious sitting bow myself. We both laughed as he exited the room and I thought about how difficult it would be to be without him while he was gone on his expedition, not knowing his true condition without being able to fully inspect him in person, and not knowing when he'd be back. I thought about all the small moments he'd miss in Ria's development and what the time apart would do to their relationship as well, then again, we had missed quite a few milestones in her development already, I assumed, while we had been on Naboo. I still hadn't even seen her since we had returned, I wondered if she would even recognize me, or if I would recognize her. My pondering was proven pointless as Ash carried her into the room underneath one arm as she stretched out her arms and legs, pretending she was flying since her stomach was flat towards the floor. I chuckled at her silliness, a tribute to Ash, and held out my arms to her, hoping she hadn't forgotten me and the progress we'd made during my absence, but Ash didn't hand her to me because he didn't see me reaching for her. He was looking at his other hand that clutched my holoprojector and he looked at it strangely as it rang. "I thought you might want this," he said as he stepped into the room further. "It's Rebel." He held it out to me, finally looking down at me instead of the device. I took it from his hand, trying to contain my frantic behavior and not act savagely as I seized it. I answered the call as instantaneously as possible and the hologram warbled before revealing a stressed looking Rebel, but it was her, alive, that was what mattered most to me. I put my hand across my heart and puffed out a relieved breath as Ash sat down next to me. She lifted her hand to wave and gave an uncomfortable smile. "Hey, Sis." She flicked her eyes over to her raised hand and suddenly dropped it, noticing it was trembling. "Rebel," I addressed her sternly, lowering my eyes to her, hoping the maternal look would prompt her to reveal why she was acting so skittish. "Where are you?" I squinted at the unidentifiable darkness in the background and didn't wait for a response as the matter of her well being, a much more important subject, crossed my mind. "Are you okay?" I wondered if she could even truthfully answer that question since her husband would no doubt be spying on her since he had been the one to catch her as she was escaping and he had already been keeping close watch on her even prior to her escape attempt. "Where is Thrawn?" I asked hesitantly in case he were lurking over her shoulder and I reared back, nervous he might jump out at me from the hologram. I hadn't realized how fast I had been asking her those questions with no pause in between until she sighed, seeming to take a breath for me. "I don't know where I am." She jumpily glanced around the room, leaning towards her projector, seeming to shield it from her surroundings with her shoulder. "As far as I'm aware," she glanced down at herself, holding up her wrist to her eyes to assess damage and then held the holoprojector with her already examined hand to look at the other. "I'm fine," she looked back at me and shrugged, completing her self-evaluation as she held the projector with both hands to steady its shaking, though I was sure adding her other trembling hand to the mix wouldn't do much in the way of stabilizing it. "And he's beside me." She took a deep, shuddering breath, her shoulders tensing as she inhaled, barely relaxing as she exhaled, her cleansing breath hadn't done much. I wondered, since he was right next to her, how he was allowing this, perhaps she had overpowered him and he was temporarily unconscious. A crowd emerged, Rex, Ahsoka, Hera, and Wrecker all gathered in the doorway from shortest to tallest, all eager to know how she was faring and I motioned them inside. They huddled around us as they crouched on the ground and Rebel continued, appearing embarrassed by the audience she'd drawn as she looked down and stretched her jaw. "I'm just going to cut to the chase." She had established a balance between her former version of speech and her acquired one from her royalty days, still using contractions from time to time, but never saying incomplete words any longer. "I don't think it would be smart for anyone to look for me because it would waste time and resources that could be used on more important things, um," she sucked on her lips and shook her head, willing herself to go on, even though I couldn't take much more of this nonsensical talk. "And, if I'm being realistic," she was able to force herself to look up at us as she bit her lip, her eyes shining with tears. "I'm not getting out of here alive," she sentenced herself to life under Thrawn's control. There was no way I was consenting to that though, not on this jury, not while I still had a say. I felt tears slide down my cheeks which were mirrored on hers. "Which is why I agreed to give custody of the triplets to you and Ash," she explained as her voice cracked, but she cleared her throat and straightened up, obviously wanting to say her next words with conviction. "So I guess my last order as leader of the Rebellion is that I want you and the Rebellion to forget about me." She singled me out from the rest of the Rebellion, speaking about me separately, knowing it would be a different level of difficulty for me, specifically, to forget than the rest of the rebels as she swiped at the tears running down her cheeks stoically. "So what I'm really saying is that I love you," she admitted it to me for the first time and I gasped, too stunned to say it back. "So I'm saying goodbye." She blew out a breath slowly and painfully, it hitching in her throat. This didn't make any sense, she was just the one who'd implored us to break her out and she always emphasized the importance of staying together, I didn't understand why, why now when it was of the utmost importance that she was pulling away. Why did she think her dire situation now was so hopeless when she'd always been able to make hope visible in its most vacant times, was it because she thought she alone was experiencing this? Didn't she know we were all going through this with her, sharing in her strife? She had comprehended she was still the rightful leader of the Rebellion, so surely she knew we still needed her, that we thrived on her encouragement, even in the sparse doses we were given nowadays. "Rebel," I clutched the projector tighter and shook my head violently. "No, you can't do this," I forbade as the tears swallowed me up. "That's an order, Soldier," she said firmly, giving me a nod of her head. I was no longer a soldier, I had a family now, a life for myself, but sometimes I almost wished to be so that I could still outrank her and be her overseer instead. I stiffened my lips together, knowing there was nothing I could do or say to counter it, the command had been given and I would have to blindly obey, just as my brothers had to Order 66. No insurgence, no refusals, no rebelling. "Take care of your new kids, okay?" She officially denied all claims to them and looked at me beseechingly as Ria reached out toward her aunt knowingly and babbled at her sadly. I nodded, keeping my lips glued together, not trusting the protests I might utter if I'd allowed them to part, and laid my hand over Ria's, gently lowering her hand, unable to bear watching her hand drop down once Rebel hung up so I made sure it was already lowered. "Bye, Sis," she bid me farewell, her voice soft as it already seemed to be fading and she looked over my shoulder at Wrecker, who I only now noticed was sitting behind me. "Bye, Tall guy." She used the nickname she had retired for him so long ago and offered him a meger salute. "Bye," he paused, lingering. "Shortie." He raised his hand to wave and she bowed her head, her image disappearing. "She's bluffing," Ash shot up as he cradled Ria in his arms, staring down at the floor. "She has to be," he said determinedly as he spun around on his heel to face us in one swift motion. "She only said that because Thrawn was sitting right next to her." He pointed down forcefully at the holoprojector I had let slip out of my hands and fall to the ground. "She's setting us up for a surprise attack," he said enthusiastically, and I hated to burst his bubble, but Rebel's strategies almost never included the element of surprise, subtlety not being one of her strong suits. "Don't you see?" Ash looked around at all of us, searching for any sign of agreement on our faces, but I knew he would only be disappointed. "Ash-" I began, trying to explain to him that he hadn't known her as long as we had, therefore, he couldn't possibly know when she was being untruthful, which she only did to either protect the Rebellion or prevent us from worrying about her. "No," he shook his head, cutting me off as angry tears pooled in his eyes. "I'm not ready to give up on her yet," he said stubbornly as he shifted Ria into an upright position in his arms and held her to his side. "I can't believe you are." He took a step back from us, wanting to be disassociated from our quitting attitude, fretting it might taint his resolve, also not recognizing this newly discovered obedient side to us. "We're not," I spoke as the voice for the group as I shook my head slowly. "We're just following orders." I defended our actions, it violated our mandate to disobey her instructions, it was the greatest transgression of them all, even above defecting to the empire. She was our leader, our hope, our idol, we looked to her for approval on everything, even while I was interim leader, we still consulted her, mentally asking ourselves what she would do in whatever current situation we were facing. To defy her, would mean to defy the very basis on which the Rebellion was founded, and every decision it had ever made. "Since when?" Ash asked incredulously, scoffing. He didn't seem to understand that, just because we were rebels, didn't mean we didn't have limits to what we would revolt against. "I'll go myself if I have to." He valiantly turned his back on us and went towards the door with determination in his step. "Please don't!" I sprung to my feet and grabbed his arm, catching him before he was able to exit. "I can't lose both of you," I said in a small voice, looking down at the floor as he turned back around to see me. "You know what that's like," I reminded him that he could sympathize with the plee to dissuade your significant other from going on a mission because you'd just lost your best friend as he'd begged me for the very same thing. "I have to try." He seemed to not be sympathetic enough as he passed Ria to me. Perhaps if I'd fought harder to have him stay, he would've or if I'd fought harder for me to go on that mission to assess the Death Star, he would've let me go, but those were all 'what ifs' now. I had so many 'what ifs' in my life. What if we'd been able to stop Order 66 on time, what if the empire never tracked us to Yavin 4, what if we'd never gone on the mission to Ahch To, what if I'd never been born a clone? That was a big one, one that made me dizzy as I took Ria from Ash while keeping my eyes fixed on the ground still. I wondered if everyone else's life was filled with as many regrets as mine, if not though, it may not have been a phrase. "Hey," Ash tilted my head up with his finger and wiped a tear tracking down my cheek off my face as he gave me a reassuring smile. "We'll see each other again." Yeah, in my dreams, I thought. "I love you," was the only thing I could think to say in response. "I love you," he copied and departed on his expedition with Ahsoka, Hera, and Wrecker the next morning. That was 3 years ago, three years without his touch, without his laugh, without his smile, without his presence. Three, long, Ash-less years.