"Come on," Jacen whined as I stood over the laundry hamper on top of the washer, filled to the brim with the kid's steaming clothes I'd just taken out of the dryer. They'd been playing outside together this morning, but I'd forgotten it had rained yesterday so they'd had a field day in the mud puddles and came back inside soiled from head to toe in muddy water. I'd spent all afternoon washing the stains out of their clothing while they'd been banished from the outside for the rest of the day and sentenced to helping Rex with the indoor chores. Doing laundry wasn't my preferred pastime, but I didn't mind doing it, in fact, it'd been a relief to be free of the incessant calls for 'mama!' for at least an afternoon. I'd figured out that as soon as one kid was satisfied, another would cry out their demands, and so on and so forth in a never-ending cycle, leaving me to restlessly dart between them, fulfilling their every request on a whim, each child with their own particular taste. Somedays, I didn't respond when someone was speaking to me unless they had addressed me by the title I'd become so accustomed to by now, forgetting my given name was still relevant as its use was more infrequent than my new title. I looked over at Jacen as I reached into the basket and pulled out a fluffy and warm shirt of Ria's to fold. He was leaning back on the base of his palms that were pressed down against the top of the dryer as his head fell back and his blonde hair dangled down towards the machine and beyond his blue eyes he fluttered his eyelashes at me temptatiously. He didn't help me with practical things, like folding the kid's clothes, like Ash did. He only helped with the big things, for instance, the only reason the kids were potty trained was because of his assistance, but small things; i.e., washing the dishes, helping make dinner, or putting the clothes away, he left entirely up to me. Those were all things Ash would've done without even being asked, granted, he might've put the clothes or dishes away in the completely wrong places or burned dinner, but it would still be the thought that counted. With Ash, I had been spoiled rotten, never having to lift a finger, and that was nice, don't get me wrong, I thoroughly missed being doted on by him, but it felt somewhat empowering to be treated as a capable human being again, not just a princess to be waited on. Sometimes with Ash, I forgot that I had fought a war before I met him, that I had been an esteemed commander in the Grand Army of the Republic over an entire regiment of troopers, that I had established a successful rebellion from almost nothing with the help of my best friend, that we had evaded the empire for two years by ourselves during our hiding, and most of all, that I was capable of being independent. I'd allowed myself to become too comfortable with being protected and tended to, my every wish granted, and I couldn't let Ash do that any longer in the sake of fairness to him and reality for me. It had been a rude awakening when I realized not everyone pampered me in the way Ash did and I couldn't expect them to. I wouldn't let myself become that dependent again, plus, this was an opportunity for me to show my kids that you couldn't be lazy and just allow someone else to do your bidding. If that person ever left your life, you needed to be prepared to do things for yourself. It was a good trial run for what would happen when they grew up. They couldn't always depend on us as their parents to take care of them. As it turns out though, both Rebel and I had been perfect examples of what not to do in those situations. Rebel was often too self-reliant and the pressure of all her own responsibility weighed her down, while I had been too dependent and shown that there were some things you needed to learn to do for yourself. "Just one date," Jacen begged as he smiled persuasively and held one finger up to me. "I promise you'll have a good time." Lack of a guarantee hadn't been the reason I'd declined his offers in the past. I looked down at the shirt in my hands and folded it as I chuckled exhausedly. "I've told you a thousand times, Jace," I called him by his nickname while shaking my head, showing he'd receive the same response as all the other times he'd asked. "I'm married." I held the back of my left hand up to his eyes and wiggled my fingers, displaying the sparkling wedding ring I'd never removed, but its existence never seemed to deter his advances. I had adjusted to life as a single parent, except, the only thing was that I wasn't alone. Jacen joined the rebellion two years ago as one of our spies. He monitored classified transmissions sent between the empire and private outposts in the Outer Rim and reported back to us his findings. He'd helped us discover the groundwork for the Tie Defender project by intercepting a message sent by Thrawn to the emperor. As a result, we'd dispatched several of our fighters to Lothal, first to steal the plans so that we might be able to use them against the empire, but when that proved to be unachievable, the plans were ordered to be destroyed so that neither side might have access to them. His skills had earned him credibility and trust within the rebellion, so he had been promoted to our lead spy, he had also, problematically, developed a crush on me. Since he had become a member only two years ago, he hadn't experienced a time when Ash was around, otherwise, he would've halted his endeavors to date me immediately. Either because Ash would've forced him to, or his presence would be so intimidating that Jacen wouldn't have even attempted in the first place. Since that was not the case, however, Jacen pleaded with me practically every day to at least give him a shot, which was flattering that he thought I was worth pursuing for two years. Even if I didn't want to remain loyal to Ash though, I probably wouldn't have agreed to go on date with him. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, and kind, and good with my kids, he was all those things, plus, he was older than Ash, closer to my own age, it was that he wasn't near as much fun as Ash. He was too professional and he always performed tasks methodically, never in his own unique way, like Ash did. I'm not sure how one could trace transmissions in an unconventional way, but Ash would've found a way. As long as Ash, perfect, sweet Ash was in my mind, no one else stood a chance. I resisted pressure from Rex to accept going out with Jacen. Rex made it clear that Jacen was the man he wanted me to be with, the man he approved of. He thought he was more successful, more mature, less emotional, but he didn't know Ash as well as I did. He didn't know that Ash was far more successful in the terms that mattered, for instance, stepping out of his comfort zone with blaster training, and, ultimately, making me fall in love with him. When compared to Ash's life, Jacen's was relatively comfortable so it was easy for him to obtain success while Ash had to fight for everything he'd gotten, making him mature far quicker. Ash only used his sense of humor as a coping method, which I suppose, to others, caused him to seem childish, but, to me, it was charming and showed his selflessness in not wanting to project his struggles onto other people, only laughter. That led to his big heart, making him appear, to some, emotional, but it was refreshing to finally see a man embrace his feelings for once. Rex certainly couldn't judge what I found attractive and I didn't require his approval, it wasn't his decision to make, so I refused all of Jacen's offers. Still, despite my rejections, he helped tremendously with Ria, Kai, Kali, and Armani, serving as a father figure in Ash's stead and the kids loved him. I continuously made sure that Ash was a prominent figure in their lives though, showing them pictures of him, telling them stories about him daily so that they never forgot who their father was, that he loved them, and that the only reason he was gone was to improve their lives, to secure them a better mother than myself as I knew Rebel would be and to further show what a good person he was by making me happy, returning my sister to me. I, of course, did not only miss Ash for what he did for me and the kids, his general presence was soothing, the swagger in his step, the calmness in his tone of voice, and I longed to comfort and hold him, assuming he was still alive. I hoped Rebel was safe too and that she had given birth to the child fathered by Thrawn, that would now be a little older than two years, without extreme difficulty. "Rue," Jacen addressed me comfortingly and touched my shoulder as he spun to face the same direction as me while standing beside me. "I know you love him," he said understandingly as he continued to rub my shoulder with his finger. I suppose I talked about him enough for everyone to know that he would always be my one true love. "But he's been gone 3 years," he reminded me, his voice sounding doubtful he'd ever return as he lifted up my chin, getting me to look into his eyes. "Don't you think it's time to move on?" He asked, his lip curling up into an affectionate smile. "No, never." I shook my head free of his grasp as I set down the folded shirt on top of the washer. "I made him a promise that even if he was…" I didn't know what exactly he was, all I knew was that he wasn't here. There hadn't been confirmation that he was dead and so long as there was that, I didn't want to give up hope. Regardless, my promise wasn't only valid if he was deceased, it encompassed any reason for his absence and even if I hadn't made him a promise, I still wouldn't have moved on. I would only ever love him. "Gone," I decided that was the appropriate word, even though it had irritated me when Jacen used it earlier, making it sound as if he'd walked out on us, I realized it was the only truly fitting word. "I'd never be with someone else." I turned back to the laundry basket and took out another shirt. I thought by explaining the vow I'd made on Naboo, it would be enough to finally convince him I wasn't interested since he knew I didn't break my word. If he really did care for me, he would know it wasn't in my character. "He made you promise that?" He asked suspiciously, raising one eyebrow. "No," I folded the sleeves of the shirt together, shaking my head as I viewed him from the corner of my eye. "I promised him that because I wanted to," I said proudly, recalling the motivation for my promise was so that he'd be aware he had my undying love until the end of time. "And he didn't have to make the same promise to me, but he did," I stacked the most recently folded shirt on top of the pile. "And I'm not going to break it, neither is he," I said confidently. "I would rather stay with someone because I love them," he said after a pause and turned his back to the laundry machine again, twiddling his thumbs as he looked at them. "Than because of a promise." He looked up at me as he spoke and I felt offended by his assumption that I'd only stayed with him this long because of my promise and not because I wanted to. "We made the promise because we love each other," I said insultedly. "It was a product of our love, not the other way around." I shook my head and I corrected him as I squinted and wagged my finger at him. "I would think," he introduced philosophically as he looked up at the ceiling. "If you really love someone," he said emphatically as he stretched out his neck. "You would want to move on so that you could share that happiness the person gave you with others to carry on their legacy." He looked back over at me with piercing blue eyes, he's persuasive, I'll give him that. "And you're an expert on love?" I asked, setting one hand on my hip as I shifted to face him better. He contemplated for a moment, looking up again as he bobbed his head thoughtfully. "I like to think I am." He looked back down at me and nodded as he smiled, showing off his dimples. "Rue," he stepped towards me and took both of my hands in his, pulling them against his chest which jerked me nearer to him. "I love you and your kids so much." This wasn't the first time he'd professed his love for me, but my heart beat faster because it had been so long since I'd heard those words from Ash. "Give me a chance." He rubbed my hands with his thumbs as a strand of his blonde hair fell in front of his gaze. "Jay," I couldn't meet his eyes as I looked over at the doorway and felt myself blush, shrugging my shoulders to try and shrink away from feeling his muscles under my hands. "What you feel for me," I shook my head and was able to look back up at him. "It isn't love," I said assuredly as I swallowed hard, subconsciously finding myself to be disappointed as he released his grip on my hands and I dropped them back down at my sides. "You're confusing it with friendship," I turned back towards the laundry hamper. "Compassion," I said, giving him a nervous glance and clearing my throat, hoping someone would walk in, but they didn't. "How do you know that?" He asked curiously as he leaned towards me, his palm on top of the appliance again and his other hand on his hip. "Because the force wouldn't reward such a kind person like you with unrequited love." I cringed away from him as I felt his warm, minty breath on my neck and it gave me chills. I didn't want to be feeling this way about him, like the way I'd felt about Ash when we'd first done laundry together back at the apartments on Nar Shaddaa. "You believe in that sort of thing?" He asked incredulously as he reared back considerately, recognizing my discomfort. "I kind of have to now," I mumbled as I lazily picked through the swirl of colorful fabrics before me. I'd never previously trusted in there being such a thing as karma, but now it was a necessity. "Why's that?" Jacen asked the same question I assume you yourself are asking. "It's the only thing that'll bring Ash home to me." I looked up and through the window in front of me to the shady forest ahead, zoning out as I looked upon it and thinking that if there was one price the force could pay to amend for all the suffering I'd gone through over the years, it was returning Ash to me safely. It was the only thing left that had the power to do so after he'd been gone for so long and the last glimmer of hope. "No matter how many times you say no," he tucked my hair behind my ear. "I'll keep asking," he said determinedly, his finger lingering there and stroking my cheek. I smiled at his resolve that was no match for mine. "No matter how many times you ask," I shook my head, knowing I could not be worn down. "I'll always say no," I said certainly. "Looks like we have ourselves a continuous cycle now," he walked around behind me, tracing his finger along the edge of the washer until he stood in my blindspot and wrapped his arms around my waist. I sucked in a breath uncomfortably at the way he tugged my body against his and darted my hand to his wrist in order to instinctively squeeze his pressure point so that he'd let me go. He'd never been this straightforward before, perhaps he was growing impatient and I had to put a stop to this before it went any further. "Don't we?" He whispered and his lips grazed my neck as he spoke. "Don't touch me like that," I growled indignantly without adding on a please since this situation didn't call for politeness to coddle him and soften the blow of my disinterest when I'd told him plenty of times before. I squeezed his wrist to warn him before I found his weak spot and he took the hint this time, hugging me tighter once before releasing me. I glared at him as he stood next to me again, this time a few feet farther away. I heard a loud crash in the room outside of the laundromat and whipped my head towards the source of the noise, leaning to the side to see over the door frame, but I didn't spot a mess. Then, Ash's voice, loud and clear with its husky, deep rumble. "Where is she?" He asked frantically and panting, his voice slightly muffled by the wall between us. I dropped the shirt I was holding without a second thought and ran out of the room, straight towards him. When I saw him, it felt like I was floating. For the first time in three years, I was whole again. The sound of my rapid footsteps must've alerted him to my presence because he looked up from one of the rebel agents, who I hadn't even noticed he was talking to, and he dropped his hand from the rebel's shoulder. Elation came over his face and he pressed his palm up to his cheek as he eyed me longingly up and down, chuckling from happiness. I sprinted towards him and jumped up on him, wrapping my legs around his waist. I hugged him as I buried my face in his neck and he held me with one hand. I leaned my head back and kissed him, our first kiss in a long, long time. I'm not sure how long we kissed for, but it was long enough for him to have to set me down on the edge of the holotable and for the other members of the team to give up on being greeted by me and for other rebels to give up on welcoming Ash. We broke apart, our chests heaving with sobs of relief, mixed with laughter. "I haven't kissed in three years," I admitted, shrugging shyly. "So forgive me if I'm a little rusty." I kissed him again, demonstrating my inexperience. "No way," he kissed me between each word. "It's everything I ever dreamed it would be." He hugged me again with one arm and I noticed his other hand was on top of a cane that he leaned on, but before I could ask him about it, Jacen cleared his throat, alerting us to his presence. "Who's that?" Ash ceased kissing me and looked past my shoulder, pointing and jerking his chin towards Jacen. I looked over my shoulder at him standing there awkwardly as he waved unsurely. "Oh," I straightened up in surprise that he was still here. "Um," I turned back to Ash and tapped on my lip with my pointer finger. "Ash," I set my hand on his chest. "meet Jacen." I gestured to the man behind me as I introduced him. "He's one of our spies. He joined about two years ago." I estimated the time, not knowing the exact date. "Jacen," I motioned for him to come forward without looking at him. "Meet Ash," I said with a permanent smile on my face, not bothering to state facts about him since Jacen was well aware of who he was. Jacen stepped forward to stand beside me, a respectful distance away, and stuck out his dominant hand for Ash to shake. "Nice to meet you," Ash said automatically as he shook Jacen's hand and bowed his head to him. "Likewise," Jacen dipped his chin to my husband and put his other hand behind his back, his face devoid of his normal friendly smile. "Heard a lot about you," Jacen said coldly. I hadn't expected them to be best friends, but I had hoped Jacen would at least be civil around him for my sake. That professional side of him was showing again. Now that I thought about it, his playful side only really came out around me. Ash giggled and looked back at me, seeming to find it endearing that I'd chatted him up while he was gone and not to notice the harsh disposition Jacen displayed towards him. "Rue," he looked down, his expression suddenly seeming distraught as he placed his free hand on my waist. "I failed," he confessed as he looked back up at me disappointedly and swallowed the shame. I had figured that when I didn't see her with the group, but now that Ash had disclosed it to me, it felt like my heart leapt into my throat, like she was truly gone. I felt the gravity of the situation crash down around me and consume me as I struggled to suppress tears to not make Ash feel worse about his failure when it, in fact, wasn't a failure at all. He'd never promised he'd bring her back, all he'd said was that he would try and he'd done that. "I'm so sorry." Ash apologized, shaking his head ashamedly as he gulped. "Hey," I pressed my palm up to his cheek to make him look at me again. "You're home safe," I highlighted the positive. "That's the most important thing." I nodded, showing my conviction in my statement. It was essential to look at the pros and not at what we lacked. He nodded contritely, reluctantly showing he agreed and had wanted to be home as much as I had wanted him to be. "Where are the kids?" He asked eagerly and I groaned, wiggling uncomfortably where I sat on the rim of the holotable. "Can it just be us for now?" I asked quietly as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Sure," he nodded, an uncontrollable smile spreading across his face. "It can be just us for now." He brushed a strand of my hair back and picked me up with one hand, the other using his cane as he limped to the bedroom. "Are you okay?" I whispered, running my hands through his satisfyingly fluffy curls. "Yeah," he grunted. "Just a scratch," he lied, annoyingly nonchalant. I rolled my eyes at his untruth, knowing I'd properly examine him later and I looked at Jacen, who was watching us, as I set my chin down on Ash's shoulder as he carried me around the corner. "Well, good morning to you," Ash said cheerfully as I woke up laying on his chest. "It is indeed a good morning." I rubbed my eyes at the light pouring in from the window and propped myself up against the headboard so that I was sitting beside him in bed. He leaned over and gave me a good morning kiss. "I missed you like crazy." I snuggled up closer to him and latched onto his arm, never wanting to let go again, as I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I missed you more." He kissed the top of my head and then abruptly changed the subject. "We should think about sending the kids to school soon," he slid out of bed and limped over to the dresser to get changed. "don't you think?" He asked and I furrowed my eyebrows, frowning at the suddenness of his question. "School? Are you crazy?" I asked rhetorically. We had never discussed the subject of education when it came to the kids, but I assumed it was too risky to send them out in public while the empire was searching for us and with the way kids talk, nothing is kept secret. If we sent them to school, for sure the first thing that they would talk about would be the rebellion and our location wouldn't be so classified anymore. "Well," he chuckled as he pulled out one of the top drawers. "How else were you planning on giving them an education?" He turned back to me with a bundle of clothes in his arms. "I just-" I stammered, not expecting this to be an issue we disagreed on, as I looked down at the comforter, my arms up in the air, prepared to grab the words from thin air and put them in my mouth, but none appeared. "School, really?" I asked again incredulously. "While the empire is after us?" I also thought about how the kids could be in danger if they went to school with the possibility of the empire kidnapping them without our constant protection and how they could be used as incentive for us to surrender the Death Star or Tie Defender plans and could even be tortured and interrogated, the empire had no mercy, not even when it came to children. "How can you even think about sending them to school where they could be vulnerable?" I responded rudely, I realized it as soon as the words left my mouth and I thought about the kind fashion in which Ash had only asked a simple question. I had become accustomed to being the sole decision maker for the family and I would need to get used to having to consult Ash now, too. I was still in submission to him as his wife and he was the children's legal father so he had a say. I looked down again, embarrassed by my outburst, hoping he was still the mild man I remembered him to be. "Rue, we can't hide forever," he shut the drawer and shook his head. "We have to let them live their own lives," he said reasonably as he dressed. I knew this confinement was no life for a child, having no friends their age, having to be ushered inside every time we heard an unknown ship pass by, not getting to play with the current toys, only handmade ones, since we couldn't go out shopping, it was the childhood I'd had on Kamino. I hated that my kids had to live a life with the same beginnings as me, but I couldn't change anything about that until Palpatine had been eliminated entirely and that seemed impossible. "Well," I fiddled with my fingers. "Can't we homeschool them here?" I suggested, presenting a solution for the matter of education. There were more than enough members here to double for teachers and everyone I knew here were well-educated sentients, with the exception of Wrecker maybe. "At least for a few years." I bargained, steepling my hands in a prayerful motion at the suspicious look Ash gave me. "It's most important for them to go to school when they're young so that they can socialize," he argued. "If we wait until they're older, it'll be harder for them to acclimate." He tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper. "They do socialize! Here," I pointed down at my lap fiercely as I contended. "With each other!" I raised my voice at him as I remembered they did have their siblings to communicate with and that was enough, at least, that's what I'd been taught. He sighed and plunked one hand down on his hip roughly, the other he rubbed the bridge of his nose with. "I enjoyed school as a kid," he poked himself in the chest, leaning unevenly on his unhurt leg. "I don't want to deprive the kids of that." He hopped on his one functioning leg to his cane propped up against the wall and grabbed it. "We can talk about this later," he snapped as he reached for the door knob with his other hand and twisted it, looking back in my direction, but not at my eyes. "Okay?" He opened the door and walked through it, his cane clicking against the ground as he left without waiting for an answer. We had been so in sync before he left for his mission. Surely we could reestablish that same level of compatibility, couldn't we?