Rebels of The Void (Book Six)

by Rebel Rue

Tragedy has struck, and the Rebellion is in shambles and in desperate need of leadership. Determined to succeed for the fate of his family, Ash sets out on a quest to locate and rescue Rebel, but the journey is perilous and takes longer than he expected. How will the time apart change his relationship with Rue, the children, Rebel, the Rebellion, and reality itself?

19. Chapter 16, Rue POV

"What?" I asked, perplexed by her phrasing as I cocked my head. "Nothing." She seemed to snap out of her daze as she shook her head and looked up at me with a forced smile. However, I was unconvinced she could recover that quickly and even if she had recovered, I wondered what she needed to recover from. I wasn't giving up my curiosity that easily. I thought about what we had been discussing and thought that the subject of home may have disturbed her, either because she had been reminded of what her home had been like these past three years or for the reason that she was worried about what the word would mean for her and Benji or if it would even exist for them at all. We had also been conversing about touch, maybe the only person she truly felt comfortable with touching her was me for now and she was worried about how she would react when Benji touched her, especially in a way Thrawn would have touched her. Instead of directly asking her about any of the above topics which only would have provoked her, I decided to ask a question relating to one of the subjects. And of course I picked the one that was easiest to ask about, what home would mean to her and Benji. "So, what are you thinking for the wedding?" I asked conversationally, disguising it as merely trying to collect information on how to plan for her wedding since I'd already offered to be a part of it. I watched her eyes closely, knowing they would display the most noticeable signs of nervousness, as I searched for lack of eye contact and a constant darting of the gaze. "I'm not sure," she said thoughtfully, trying to keep her voice as light as possible, I could tell, but she maintained eye contact with me, so that must not have been the reason behind her worriedness. "Whatever Benji wants." She shrugged unopinionatedly, unknowingly answering the question in my mind without me even having to ask. Of course, it revolved around Thrawn, as all things did now. This was who she'd become, what he'd molded her into. A compliant, submissive wife to be used at his disposal. His poison had evidently worked its way down to even her core beliefs of being rebellious and never yielding to any other person so that she now thought she had to blindly comply with Benji's every wish even though Thrawn wasn't here anymore and this was her wedding. It caused angry tears to well up in my eyes and the hatred of injustice to corrode my heart. "What did he do to you?" I asked through clenched teeth as I gently placed my hand over the back of hers. "Nothing," she snapped, jerking her hand back towards her and out from underneath mine, our brief moment of total serenity and tranquility destroyed in an instant. "I'm fine," she announced loftily as she raised her chin with a blank expression on her face and sat up straight, facing forward in the bench, no longer facing me. "It's nothing," she said, glancing at me from the corner of her eye as she set her hands up on the surface of the table with her fingers locked together. "I don't want anything too big," she requested, I assumed regarding the wedding, finally forming an opinion since she knew I'd only continue pestering her about the other subject. "Nothing fancy or extravagant." She shook her head. I hoped she wasn't attempting to be low maintenance for our sake since she knew we'd arrange any style of wedding her heart desired. I hoped it was truly what she wanted and perhaps it was, perhaps she was exhausted from being pampered with the last wedding at the castle and wanted a simple one this time to refrain from sparking unpleasant memories. She looked over at me as I nodded and chuckled, perhaps because she, too, recognized the irony of the queen of Naboo wanting to avoid an extravagant wedding. "If possible, a purple wedding dress, not that long, and non-traditional," she continued in quite stark contrast to her first wedding with which she'd barely had any input at all and even wanted to wear a tux. I laughed as I recalled our conversation and my appalled reaction. Now, I couldn't have cared less if she wanted to wear a garbage bag, I just wanted her to be happy. She suddenly began to yawn loudly and her cheeks flushed at her unintentional improperness. I chuckled again and patted her head. "Let's go to sleep," I brushed her hair with my fingers. "We can talk more in the morning," I promised as she leaned her head on my shoulder and instantly fell asleep. I cradled her head against my shoulder and kissed the top of it. "Oh, I missed you so much, Ad'ika," I whispered into her hair, using a term of endearment for younger sisters in the Mando'a language. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her back to our room, assuming I'd be in trouble with her if she woke up alone in the room diagonal from mine in the morning since I'd be held accountable. The next morning, I woke up early as I was used to being awakened by four screaming toddlers jumping on me at the crack of dawn, but Wrecker and Patricia had offered to babysit this morning even before we knew Rebel was going to be here and I'd be up late. Unfortunately, my body did not remember this fact and only remembered the routine process of waking up as the sun was peeking over the horizon and decided to conform to the schedule, even though there was nothing to wake me up. In fact, it was one of the most quiet settings I've ever woken up to. Rebel was laying next to me in bed on her stomach, fast asleep, with the blankets pulled up over her head and the light from the sun basked the room in a refreshing orange color. I sat up, stretched, then yawned and looked down at Rebel as I pulled the covers back from over her head to see her lovely, delicate face as she dreamt. If that's how I looked while I slept, I might finally agree with Ash when he called himself lucky to wake up next to me every morning. I leaned over and gave her a kiss on the temple before hopping out of bed. I walked over to my closet and slung the doors open as quietly as I could, keeping in mind that Rebel was still asleep and I wanted her to rest for as long as possible, she deserved it. I pursued all of my outfits, deciding on which to wear for the day as my gaze fell upon my armor that I'd just worn recently so it was near the front and all of the memories associated with it flooded back into my mind, all of the missions, the blood stains that I had scrubbed out by hand, the uncomfortableness of how heavy the plates were and how long it had taken me to become used to the weight, but also the good. I remembered painting it my desired color for the first time, the pride and joy I'd felt when I first received it as a symbol of my graduation, and the successful missions, the exploration of the galaxy. I remembered my first time being in space, the weightless, floating sensation, the sound of only your heartbeat and your breathing, the impression of time moving in slow motion, the eternity of it all. I'd only experienced that feeling twice in my life. Once during training and once as Rebel and I were escaping from Maul and Savage in an ancient pod with both of our legs cut and I remember how much of a relief it was to have the pressure taken off of my leg while the anti-grav had accidentally been deactivated. That actually gave me an idea for Ash. When he returns from Ord Mantell, since I'm sure he'll have been on his feet a lot after dealing with the funeral, it might be a relief for him, although only temporary, to take the pressure off of his leg by participating in a space walk with him. If nothing else, it'll be a fun experience for him since I know how much he loves the stars and I know he's never been in space before outside of the protection of a ship, so it'll be fun to introduce him to something new. I mentally made note to not forget to present the idea to him when or if he returns and chose my old waitressing outfit to change into, just to see if I could fit into it since we appeared to be reminiscing about old memories today. I walked out of the refresher wearing my old waitressing outfit that still fit, although it was a little tighter, and did inventory with AP-5 for a while, periodically checking on Rebel to see if she'd woken up yet and she hadn't thankfully. After a few hours, the kids came running up to me and begging for lunch after spending an entire morning with the Uncle Wrecker and Aunt Patricia who looked prepared to sleep for an entire week as they trudged into their bedroom with bags underneath their eyes, waving at me lethargically as they passed. The children and I joined hands as we skipped to the mess hall and I made Mac and Cheese upon their request. As I was spooning it into their bowls, I heard a deep, familiar voice, my favorite voice, hollering one of my pet names. "Honey, I'm home!" Ash called out enthusiastically, at least that was a different attitude than the last time I'd heard from him. Shocked he was back, I dropped the spoon in my hand as it slipped out of my grasp and clattered to the floor, splattering cheese on the ground. "Daddy! Appa! Daddy! Daddy!" Armani, Ria, Kai, and Kali cheered as they sprang up to greet him and Ansa, Apollo, and Aaron stayed seated and continued shoveling macaroni into their small mouths. I jerked the towel off of the oven handle and wiped my hands with it as I ran out the cafeteria door in the direction I had seen the kids run, leaving the spilled lunch on the floor to clean up later. "Hey, kiddos!" He called out as he crouched down and held his arms open to them as they flew at him and flung themselves on him. He wrapped all four of them up at once in his long arms and squeezed them tight as he rocked them side to side. He leaned away from them and looked at each of their faces individually while smiling and stroking Ria's cheek with his thumb. He finally noticed me watching from the doorway to the control room as I leaned up against the doorframe. "Hey there, good looking." His eyes ventured me up and down as he licked his lips and stood up, but I ignored his flattery and crossed my arms, a solemn expression on my face as I remained irritated by the fact that he didn't bother to contact me once. He seemed not to notice my obvious annoyance with him and instead set his hands up on his hips and inhaled deeply. "Something smells good," he commented as he rubbed his hands together. "I'm making Mac and cheese for the kids," I said apathetically as I gestured behind me with my head and pointed in that same direction by tossing my thumb over my shoulder. "Sounds delicious," he said, rubbing his stomach and he bent down and pressed his palms against the backs of the children and urged them back towards my direction. "Go enjoy, kiddos," he instructed gently. "Give Mama and I some time alone," he whispered as the kids did as they were told and filed out of the room in a line back towards the cafeteria. Ash looked back up at me lovingly and flashed me his signature smirk at his success in achieving his objective. "I missed you." He stretched his arms out towards me and flexed his fingers into his palms, gesturing for me to come forward. I stood there for a few moments, exercising my jaw and scuffing the ground with my foot, wrestling with my two halves, one half wanting to stand my ground, the other wanting nothing more than to melt into his arms, and I was losing terribly to the second half. Eventually, it won as I was incapable of resisting the temptation to hug him and I ran over to him, collapsing into his embrace as he held me securely. "I missed you too," I whispered into the fabric of his shirt as I buried my face into it and absorbed his scent as I grabbed fistfuls of the fabric and clung to it. "I guess this means our break is over," I said as I tilted my head back to look up at him and he stared down at me adoringly. I'd missed that. "Yes," he groaned as his knees bent exhaustedly. "Thank goodness," he cried and I tilted my head confusedly. That didn't make sense, was he waiting for my verbal confirmation that our break was over? Surely not, especially when he knew I wasn't the one who wanted it in the first place, I'd fought this. I wondered if perhaps he was experiencing memory loss like I'd been told would be likely for him. "I was really disappointed you couldn't make it," he looked down at our hands with a sad smile as he held one of mine in each of his. This puzzled me even more, I was the one who'd wanted to go with him, but he forbade me from accompanying him, now he was acting as if it had been my choice to stay here. "But I understand you had to stay behind with the kids." He looked back up at me and nodded seriously as he rubbed the back of my hands with his thumbs. Was he perhaps only pretending to be disappointed and making up this story so that in case any rebels were nearby or listening they'd think that was the reason I hadn't joined him? Did he honestly think I hadn't already had to field questions from all of the nosy members and hadn't already formulated an excuse almost identical to his? It wasn't difficult to understand why our backstories had matched up so perfectly, I wished I could say it was due to the fact that we were capable of reading each other's minds, but in actuality it was because most of our excuses were based on the children nowadays. "What do you mean?" I asked about the entire situation since there was no clear explanation. "Well, that's why you didn't come, right?" He asked as he gestured towards me after releasing one of my hands. "We didn't think the kids should be away from home that long and it might be dangerous to have the triplets out and about with Palpatine looking for them and we didn't want to bother a babysitter for that long," he listed three reasons I'd stayed behind and I didn't know if Ash was a good liar or not since he'd never lied to me before, well, not that I know of, but he seemed to honestly believe this was the truth. "Ash, do you not remember what happened before you left?" I asked quietly as I leaned towards him. He hummed thoughtfully and looked up at the ceiling as he propped his free hand up on his hip and contemplated my question. "Not really actually, now that you mention it." He shook his head as he looked back down at me, looking perplexed as to why he couldn't remember. "It's all sort of a blur." He pressed the base of his palm up against his temple and cringed as if his head was hurting him. "I just remember our date and getting the call that my mom died," he said sadly as he looked down at the ground and it felt extremely selfish of me to be angry with the fact that he hadn't contacted me when he really had been going through a traumatic period of his life, I'm sure he was busy. His mother's funeral had been top priority and I don't blame him for neglecting to reach out to me, I didn't deserve the attention anyways, I would've only distracted him from caring for everything that needed tending to. Besides, even if he didn't remember it, I did and had essentially agreed to taking a break since I hadn't fought harder on the matter, so I shouldn't have expected a call from him anyways. Plus, I could've called him myself too. I suppose the only reason I was upset with him was because I wished I could've diminished his pain and suffering somewhat by conversing with him about his feelings during his trip. I reached up and touched his face, trying all too late to make up for the lack of comfort I'd been able to give him previously. The contact of my fingers grazing his cheek must've jolted him out of his daze as he looked back up at me and touched the back of my hand that was caressing his cheek and smiled. "Why?" He asked, suddenly remembering he didn't know the reason behind me asking if he remembered what had occurred before he left. "Should I?" He asked furrowing his brow as I could tell he grew more worried. "What happened?" He placed both hands on my waist as he tugged me closer to him, demanding to know why I would ask such a thing. "Nothing, nothing." I shook my head and held onto one of his hands with one of mine as I swatted the other at him and chuckled ironically at the fact that just like that one of the most painful experiences of my life could be forgotten and things could return to normal after pointlessly worrying for so long if that was even possible. "I'm just so happy you're back!" I squealed and planted both of my hands on his shoulders to boost myself up and wrap my legs around his waist as I kissed his cheek. "Ouch!" He yelped and closed his eyes as he leaned lopsidedly to one side, yet I felt him hammock his arms underneath me to support me. "Me too." He chuckled painfully. "Oh, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed as I jumped off of him and took a step back, holding my hands up to him, palms facing him. He winced as he looked down at his leg and squeezed either side of it with his hand. "Are you hurting?" I asked as I locked my fingers on both hands together underneath my chin apologetically, hoping I hadn't injured him further. "Just a little." He looked up at me and tried to give an unbothered smile. "I'm sorry," I apologized again as I gnawed on my lower lip and shook my head contritely. "Not your fault." He smiled and shook his head, but I could tell there was a whimper beneath that smile threatening to peep out. I was the one who'd aggravated his injury, the least I could do was offer my suggestion on how to reduce the pain. "I came up with an idea that might help your leg feel better for a little while," I said timidly. "Oh, yeah?" He asked interestedly, prompting me to continue as he propped his hand up on his hips. "Let's hear it." He gave a sweeping gesture of his arm towards himself. "Well," I swayed side to side bashfully as I looked off to the side. "I was wondering," I introduced casually. "Have you ever been out in space before on the outside of the ship?" I asked as I looked back at him. He seemed to carefully consider his answer for a moment as he looked up and tilted his head. "No," he finally decided and shook his head, looking at me again. I bounced up on my toes, excited at the prospect of taking him on his first one. "I didn't think so." I shook my head and smiled. "Do you wanna go on your first space walk with me?" I asked, trying to tone down my eagerness so as not to sway him one way or another and get his honest answer. "Sure!" He smiled widely and nodded vigorously. I headed back to our bedroom to change back into my armor in order to gear up for the space walk. When I entered the room, however, Rebel was out of bed and kneeling beside it, running her hands through Kai's thick, coarse hair as he lay on his side, facing her. I quickly stumbled backwards, not wanting to disrupt their moment. I rose up on my tiptoes, seeing several small mounds behind Kai and trying to decipher what they were. I saw Ansa, Armani, Kali, Aaron, and Apollo all laying down in a row behind Kai while Ria lay horizontally at the foot of the bed, cuddled up next to Tooki. Apparently, their morning with their aunt and uncle had tired them out as much as it had their aunt and uncle. I also saw Kya perched on Rebel's shoulder and licking her hair, just like old times and I smiled at the fact that they'd been reunited. "Mama," Kai murmured to Rebel lovingly as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her neck. She lifted him up out of bed, cupping the back of his head with her palm and shushing him softly as she stood up and bounced, swaying hypnotically to lull him to sleep again. I crossed my arms and leaned up against the wall as I watched them. I saw Kai's eyes shut almost instantly and his fingers relaxed as he drifted back off into sleep with his head resting on Rebel's available shoulder, the one Kya wasn't perched on. Rebel was good with them, much better than I ever was, and I wondered if, after spending a week in their presence, her motherly affection for them would spark back up. Not that it could ever fade completely, the embers of it always burned in her heart, of that I was sure, I only wondered if being around them was enough to ignite the flame so that it burned intensely enough to motivate her to want to reclaim them and take them home, where they belonged. Even if home now was a cold, loveless fortress, that was where their mother was, as long as she was there, that would be the best place for them. "Do you want them back?" I asked once I was certain the sound of my voice wouldn't wake Kai. Rebel flinched and spun around immediately, terror flooded her eyes as she clutched her son closely to her. I held my arms up in surrender to reveal my identity and she breathed a sigh of relief, loosening her grip on Kai's back. "N-no," she stuttered, remembering I'd asked a question. "No," she repeated in a much clearer voice after clearing her throat and straightened up resolutely, her face devoid of all emotion. "Of course not," she said adamantly as if that were a ridiculous question and turned towards the bed, laying Kai back down. "They're your kids," she reminded me as she pushed her hands, palms facing forward, towards me, as if shoving custody of them towards me. "How could I ask for them back?" She asked humbly as she stared at them and gestured to them with one hand and to herself with the other, although truthfully, they were her children and she could ask for them back whenever she wanted. It didn't matter what she said or did or signed, no contract, verbal or otherwise, could cancel out the fact that those children were her own flesh and blood and she had every right to reclaim them whenever she wanted. She knew this, but was trying to convince me otherwise. "You raised them," she side-stepped away from the bed, trying to distance herself even further and trying to reason with me that simply keeping them alive for three years made them my children. She made it seem as if it were unfair to me to suddenly request for them back, but really the only ones it would be unfair to were the children if we deprived them of their biological mother any longer. "I wasn't even in their life for more than three years," she said guiltily as she stared at the triplets on the bed and continued taking steps away from them with her palm against her chest and her back against the wall as she pressed her other arm up against it. "I have no right to them at this point." She shook her head, dragging herself further down the wall. "I'm sorry for not correcting him, and picking him up without your permission." Even if I didn't want her to have the children back, she still had the right to pick him up as his aunt. I had no objections to that. Even the cruelest person would allow that. "I didn't mean to overstep my bounds." She shrunk down as she turned her head to face forward and stared blankly at the wall in front of her with tears in her eyes. She gasped in raspy breaths and her knees bent, gradually bringing her lower to the ground as her back slid down the wall. "I-I'm sorry." She stuttered as she apologized. "It really won't happen again," she promised earnestly as she bowed her head, her forehead knocking into her knees which had been pulled up to her chest as she sat and trembled violently. "Rebel," I said pitifully as I dropped my arms at my sides after allowing her to finish to hopefully get to the core of what was bothering her. "It's fine." I excused all of her apologies as I walked over to stand in front of her and she wrapped her arms around her legs even tighter as she cowered in my shadow, too terrified to look up. I crouched down, deciding looming over her wasn't helping and I gently slid my fingers under her chin and tilted it up so that she'd look at me and be more compelled to listen. "You did nothing wrong," I assured her as I shook my head and smiled at her, chuckling to brighten the mood, but her muscles continued to spasm and her bottom lip trembled. "They're your kids," I insisted, but her gaze roved about the room and suddenly settled on something behind me as she gasped and cringed, her entire body recoiling as she jerked her head away from me and closed her eyes, her fingers curling. I glanced over my shoulder for what in Kamino could've possibly derived such a reaction. All I saw in that direction was Tuck's empty kennel since Rex had just taken him outside for a walk. I couldn't imagine that being the object that had caused her terror, she didn't have any bad memories surrounding cages, unless it reminded her of a prison cell, but she hadn't been in one of those in a long time, not that I was aware of, and certainly not one of that size, it was too small. Besides, cells never seemed to frighten her before, unless…Thrawn kept her in one. "Rebel," I looked back at her with wide eyes. "He doesn't-'' I began as my lip curled up in disgust and I was actually grateful she interrupted me because I definitely didn't want to finish my question. "It's my fault," What she interrupted me to say though, was definitely not what I wanted to hear. "Every time. If I just don't-" She rested her forehead on her knees again and this time it was my turn to interrupt. I didn't want to hear it, not one more word, not if she was going to try and take the blame for her torture, not if she was going to spew lies like that. "Nothing," I cupped her face in my hands as I directed her to look up at me. "And I mean nothing," I emphasized. "That man has ever done to you has been your fault," I said seriously, my words oozing hatred for him. "No," she shook her head free of my grasp and applied gentle pressure to one of my wrists to lower my hand from her face. "If I just didn't fight it-" I couldn't bear to hear her talk like that, to actually defend him, to betray her every ideal, her every instinct, to surrender to the lies he told her. "Shut up, just shut up," I interrupted loudly as I whipped my head back and forth while holding my hands up to my ears to prevent myself from hearing such falsehoods. "I'm sorry," she apologized meekly in a faint voice as she looked back down with an empty look in her eye. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to aggravate you." Her voice cracked and she clenched her jaw as soon as her mouth shut. "I'm sorry," she apologized again and gulped, still staring at the ground and I followed her line of sight as I hung my head guiltily and sighed. I hadn't meant to make her feel worse, I had just observed that my method of trying to absolve her from her remorse wasn't working and I knew the best way to get to her was by being direct, apparently not anymore though. When I looked down, I saw her fingertips stained red and not from her nail polish I noticed as I saw a red fluid dripping down the sides of her palm while her fists were clenched. "I deserved every single thing," she whispered untruly, but I didn't have the time to argue with her as I gently cupped the backs of her hands with the palms of mine, more focused on her bleeding hands at the moment. "Rebel, your hands," I lamented as I lifted them up to my face for a closer look and she jerked them away from me protectively. "I'm going to my room," she announced as she shot up, Kya wobbling on her shoulder at the sudden movement, and Rebel quickly dried her eyes with the backs of her hands so as not to smear the blood on her face before dashing across the hall. Kya crouched down while riding on her shoulder and dug her claws in to maintain better balance. Rebel slammed the door behind her and was able to hear her lock it as I stood up to chase after her. I saw she'd left a bloody handprint on the doorknob and sighed as I wiped it off with the hem of my shirt. I waited outside for her to reemerge as I tapped my foot impatiently, hoping Ash wouldn't become curious as to why I was taking so long and walk down the hallway in search of me. The last thing Rebel needed right now was an audience. I heard her muttering to herself as I pressed my ear up against the door and heard her rustling around the room. I wanted to help her. "Rebel!" I called to her inside as I jiggled the door handle. "Let me in," I whined as I stomped my foot brattishly. "Please!" I drug out the word as I spoke into the crack of the door and leaned up against it, pressing the front of my hand up against it. "Just a second!" She responded, her voice raised, but she spoke in a relaxed manner. I heard her footsteps drawing nearer to the door and felt the knob twist against my hand without my doing so, therefore, I took a step back to allow the door to open. "Hey," she greeted me as the door swung open, revealing herself to me with a serene smile on her face as she now wore all black, a black long sleeve shirt with a collar that stretched all the way up her neck and to her jaw line and long black pants to cover up every inch of her skin. As I looked down at her hands by her sides, what I was most interested in, I saw she even wore black gloves, only fingerless ones to show off her manicure which was sweet of her, but I refused to focus solely on that detail as I looked back up into her eyes, shocked by her swift change in demeanor and her avoidance of the issue. "What's up?" She asked ignorantly as she acted as if she had absolutely no clue why I could've been begging to be allowed into her room. I placed my hands on my hips roughly as I opened my mouth and intended to tell her exactly what was up when I was interrupted by Ansa. "Mama!" She yelled as she waddled towards her mother as quickly as her little legs could power her. Rebel's smile grew as she noticed her daughter and bent down to pick her up. "You're normal again," Ansa yipped as she glanced down at Rebel's hands that were wrapped around her leg as she was holding her against her hip. "You're wearing gloves!" Ansa said observantly as she threw her hands up in the air cheerfully. "Yeah, it's weird to see me without gloves, isn't it?" Rebel asked casually as she held one of her hands up in front of her face and alternated between either her palm or the back of her hand facing her. Ansa nodded, but her gaze caught on Kya who was now sitting atop Rebel's head and daintily licking her paw. "Mama," Ansa paused as she stared up at Kya and the tooka froze and began staring at the girl with her tongue still against her paw, suspended mid-lick. "I'm not sure you know this," she introduced gently as she slowly raised her hand and held her palm up to Rebel's face. "But a cat is on your head." She pointed up at Kya as Rebel laughed and, I must admit, it was quite difficult to contain my giggles as well. "Yes, I know." Rebel nodded, tipping her head forwards and backwards, threatening to tip the tooka off balance, but Kya maintained her poise and even began licking her paw again, pretending the rocking movements hadn't disrupted her at all. "She is my cat, her name is Kya." Rebel reached up and groped for the tooka before finding her by softly grazing her fingers across her fur and then patted her head. "CAN I EAT IT?!" Aaron yelled disturbingly and I jumped, clutching my heart since I hadn't known he'd been standing there and I hadn't noticed when he'd gotten here. I literally just fed you…I thought as I looked down at him and he stared hungrily at the tooka and licked his lips. I shuddered as I shuffled away from him and unpleasantly realized I hadn't seen Tooki in a while…"CAN I BURN IT?!" Rebel's other son screamed even more concerningly as I looked up at her, my mouth open in shock and horror, silently asking if he was always like this, but Rebel wasn't even paying attention to them, her eyes were focused on her daughter. "Can I pet it, please?" Ansa asked politely and preciously, a stark contrast to her brothers, as she tentatively held her hand up to Kya in the form I'd shown her, making me smile. Rebel of course nodded in response to Ansa's question and dipped her head to allow Ansa to reach Kya's head. "WHY CAN'T WE BURN IT AND EAT IT?" Apollo proposed a compromise to both his and his brother's ideas as I watched Ansa and Kya's heartwarming interaction, giving Apollo a quick glance on instinct, but following Rebel's example for the most part and ignoring them. I learned the hard way that it was best to ignore them in moderation, rather than altogether, because I hadn't noticed before it was too late that Apollo had gradually snuck over towards Rebel and reached into her pocket and reclaimed his lighter. "FIREEEEE!" He ran off with it in his hand while shouting. "Apollo!" Rebel scolded as she set Ansa down on the ground. "Apollo Mitth'raw'nuruodo," she hollered his full name as Kya jumped off of her head and Rebel bolted after him. "If you don't stop right now…!" Her threatening tone of voice faded as she rounded the corner he'd just skidded around. I shook my head and sighed as I crossed my arms, reminded of old times, only this time I wasn't chasing her. He was her son, she could do with him what she pleased, I wouldn't try and stop her. I looked over at Ansa and shrugged, chuckling as she copied me. I then turned around and finally completed the task I'd originally set out to do. I changed into my armor and grabbed Ash's clone trooper helmet on the way out since he'd need it. Then, we boarded one of the small transport ships and flew it just past the atmosphere. I helped him dress in one of the space suits on board and attached an oxygen tank to the back before sliding the trooper helmet over his head. I began attaching the tether to the back of my armor and to the back of his suit so that we didn't get separated from the ship. Even though we had thrusters and could easily contact the rebellion below, it was better to err on the side of caution. Besides, we wouldn't have wanted to bother the rebellion and rob them of precious time that could be better spent doing more impactful, beneficial things instead of performing a rescue for us which could've been prevented. I latched the tether to the inside of the ship and tugged on it to ensure it was secure as we stood in front of only a ray shield separating us from the void of space. "Have you done this before?" Ash asked nervously as he flexed his fingers inside of the glove on his hand and I could hear his oxygen tank hissing as it struggled to supply him with enough air, indicating he must've been taking massive gulps of air due to fear. I'd have to remember to check on his oxygen levels often to ensure he wasn't losing air too quickly. I couldn't see his face through the helmet, so I was able to deduce only by tone of voice how nervous he was. "Yes, Ash," I answered as I adjusted both of our helmets one last time. "Don't worry, it's perfectly safe," I assured him as I stood beside him and grabbed his hand and began walking towards the exit, pressing the button on the wall to open the ray shield just before we bumped into it. I stepped off the ledge and began to drift off into space, but Ash had released my hand right before taking the final leap and clung to the doorframe. I spun around quickly and saw he was clinging to the frame and shaking his head adamantly. "Come on!" I called and snagged his arm just before floating out of range and he was dragged out into the blackness with me. "Woah." He waved his other arm that I was not holding onto, the one that had been hooked around the doorframe, wildly, searching for something to grab onto. "Woah!" He yelped nervously as he was finally able to turn himself towards me and hug me, clinging to me for dear life. "You're okay, you're okay." I chuckled as I patted his back and we distanced from the ship more and more. "I've got you," I promised him and we remained that way in each other's embrace for quite a while as I observed the planet from this distance. I'd never been able to just stare at the planet's surface for this long before. I'd only ever really seen it briefly as we entered the atmosphere. It was teeming with life and swirling clouds and it made me appreciate living here far more than I had previously, since it was far more inviting than the stark contrast of the desolate wasteland of space. As I marveled at the sight before me, I felt Ash shiver against me. I wanted to share my enjoyment with him and I thought it would help to decrease his fear if he could focus on how beautiful the planet was, even though I was loving the feeling of him clinging to me as if I were his lifeline. "Ash," I tapped his shoulder with my finger. "Look around," I instructed as he finally lifted his head and I pointed to our home behind him. "Enjoy the scenery," I insisted as he shakily glanced over his shoulder while still gripping my waist tightly. "Wow," he remarked as he paused, his gaze lingering on the planet until he quit shaking. "I've never seen Kashyyyk like this before." He shook his head and loosened his grip on me. "Beautiful," he commented in awe and I concentrated only on him, longing to see his eyes full of wonderment, his mouth agape in awe, his handsome features relaxed as he looked at the peaceful scene. "Yes, you are," I responded and he looked over at me as I could only imagine the flattered grin on his face. "I wish I could see your face," I said wistfully. "I wish I could see yours," he agreed and I cleared my throat, embarrassed by how long we had stared at each other as I remembered the real purpose for flying up here and I wondered if my remedy was helping at all. "I thought the lack of gravity might help take the pressure off your leg." I pointed down at his limb. "It does." He nodded and looked down at it, moving it in a small circle. "Good idea," he praised me and I was now glad he couldn't see my face because I was blushing. "Thank you," he said gratefully and I nodded before we lapsed into another staring match. We continued looking at each other until I started to feel something wrap around my legs and I panicked as I looked down, but saw it was merely our tethers that were intertwining and had encircled us at least a dozen times as we were now bound together, our legs touching. We looked up at each other and giggled as Ash held both hands up to me, palms facing me and I copied him wordlessly. We pressed our palms together and locked our fingers together so that we were attached to each other by our hands and our feet now. I wished we could stay like this forever, however, I knew we'd run out of oxygen soon and would have to return to the surface. I didn't want to ask him about the funeral while we were on the surface because there was always the danger of someone overhearing and I wanted our conversation to be private so he felt comfortable enough to open up to me and disclose his deepest feelings about his mother's death to me and I knew there'd never be a better opportunity to get him completely alone so I, unfortunately, brought the mood down. "How was the funeral?" I asked, delicately introducing the topic, but obviously that was a stupid question as I knew what the answer would be. I'd hoped it would get him talking though and I figured it was a way of letting him know we were shifting gears. "Awful," he replied, dropping his hands to his sides, but continued grasping mine. "I'm so sorry," I apologized as I shook my head. "Who gave the eulogy?" I asked. "I did," he responded. "Oh, Ash," I whined and squeezed his hands, assuming how difficult that must've been for him, how much of a challenge. "You shouldn't have had to do that." I shook my head again. "That's terrible!" I cried. "It's okay." He shrugged as he downplayed how much agony it caused him, he couldn't hide that from me, not even with his helmet on. "I got through it," he assured me of the bare minimum and I guiltily wondered what had happened after that though. I couldn't even imagine what he was going through after he got off that stage. He'd had to be strong that entire time, for the guests, for his sisters, for his father, he must've never gotten a moment to spare for his own grief because there was no one that wasn't depending on him. I should've known better, I should've gone with him, even if he didn't want me to. I should've snuck my way on later or taken a separate ship just to be there with him during his time of mourning, that's when he needed me most and where was I? I was off living my life like normal, angry at him for not contacting me. I was right, I really am the worst wife ever. Even if he wouldn't have opened up to me if I'd been there, I could've at least taken on some responsibilities for him so that he had at least a few moments to himself to really process his feelings. I hoped there had been someone on Ord Mantell to be that kind of person for him, even if it couldn't be me. "Did anyone else help you arrange the funeral?" I asked. "My aunt. Mom's sister," he answered, but I hadn't met her. I didn't know what kind of person she was, if she cared about Ash enough or about Millie enough to do everything she possibly could to take the weight off of her son's shoulders. Just because she'd helped didn't mean her assistance had been sufficient enough. Millie's sister would've had to know Ash well enough to know that he won't tell you what he needs help with, even if you ask, because he's considerate, too much at times. You need to observe what needs doing and offer to do it, multiple times and not give up the first time. I didn't know if she knew to do that though. "Did she help enough?" I asked seriously. "She brought the flowers," he answered hesitantly, not wanting to bad-mouth his aunt by answering no, so I needed to ask a question more directed towards him. "Aww, Ash," I pouted, irritated if he'd let himself be taken advantage of. "Were you the one doing all the work?" I asked, wishing he could see the motherly glare I was giving him to urge him to tell the truth. "Not all of it," he mumbled as he looked down at our tangled legs as my stare was apparently intense enough to burn through the impenetrable visor of my helmet that he could feel it, forcing him to be unable to look at the shield that my eyes were behind. "Most of it though," I translated for him and after a brief moment of silence, he gave a microscopic nod, barely perceptible to the human eye, as he continued looking down. "Ash, that's not fair!" I complained as I pulled my hands away from his and smacked his arm. "You deserved time to grieve too," I proclaimed. "Death isn't fair," he retorted as he looked back up at me. This wasn't the first time he'd done this though, been so selfless, so focused on other people's feelings that he didn't have time for his own. "You work too hard," I grumbled, generalizing my statement as I gently rubbed his arm to regretfully soothe the sting of the smack I'd given him previously. I could tell he, stubbornly, wasn't going to listen to me though and I couldn't convince him to agree with me, at least not this time, so I continued with my investigation about the funeral. "Were there a lot of people in attendance?" I asked. "Quite a few," he nodded and began listing off some of the people that comprised the guests. "Distant family, book club, gardening buddies," he said and the mention of family caused me to think of the rest of Ash's immediate family and how they were dealing with this tragedy. "How's Sam?" I inquired about his father. "A little better." He sighed. "Still in shock I think," he said understandably. "But getting there maybe," he suspected and I was relieved to know he seemed to be improving. I couldn't even imagine a brokenhearted Sam, it didn't seem possible. His optimistic attitude reminded me most of his youngest daughter's and how I was confident she'd inherited it from him. I hoped that little fiery spark in her heart hadn't been snuffed out now by the traumatic experience of her mother suddenly dying. "And Daisy?" I asked meekly, reluctant to hear the answer. "That was the worst," he said through a nauseous groan. "Seeing her in the front row in her black dress." He shook his head as I'm sure he pictured it in his mind and I could see it too. Her sitting on the wooden, uncushioned pew as her shiny, black shoes dangled off the side, suspended in the air just above the ground since her legs weren't long enough for her feet to reach the floor. I could imagine her downcast face hidden beneath a black veil cascading from the black hat situated atop her head as she fought the childish urge to swing her legs back and forth, her innocence stolen from her. I could see her billowing black dress that she'd never wear again because of the horrid memories associated with it and the single silent tear tracking a path down her puffy cheek. I could also see the empty space beside her that beIonged to her mother and would never be filled again. "I hated it," Ash spat through clenched teeth as he balled up his fists and I agreed with him wholeheartedly, she didn't deserve it, none of them did. "You shouldn't have had to go through that alone," I said regretfully as I picked up his hand in both of mine. "I wasn't alone," he said immediately as he looked up at me and shook his head. "I never am." I lifted up his gloved left hand and held it beside his head with the back turned towards me, but I shook my head, indicating I didn't understand. He pulled his hand away from mine and pointed to his ring finger on his left hand using his right and finally I understood. He was telling me that in a way I was always with him as he pointed to where his wedding ring would be beneath the glove. I smiled as he knew exactly what I needed to hear and I nodded, giving him visible confirmation that I understood what he had been implying after realizing he couldn't see my smile. After floating around for a few more minutes, we noticed our oxygen levels were depleting, so we decided to head back down to the surface where oxygen was not limited. "Thank you for taking me on my first space walk," Ash said with a smile as I removed the helmet from his head and he held his arms straight out at his sides for me to remove the other parts of his space suit. "That was fun," he commented as I secured the helmet against my side under my arm and walked around to stand behind him and unzip his suit. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said gratefully as I slid the uniform off of his shoulders, revealing his ordinary clothes beneath. Once I had taken off the suit for him, he sat down at the copilot's seat and allowed me to fly us back to base. I took my seat at the helm and landed us safely in the airfield. As we descended the ramp to the ship together and approached the base, the scent of the macaroni and cheese I'd made the children for lunch seemed to waft out into the open. The smell reminded me of how Ash had mentioned how appetizing lunch smelled when he arrived yet I hadn't offered him any. "Are you hungry?" I asked as I turned towards him while walking. "Do you want something to eat?" I asked a second question immediately following the first, allowing no response time in between as I evidently tried to make up for not asking when he'd arrived initially by now offering twice. "Actually, I think I'm gonna go lay down for a little bit." He paused his steps in the doorway of the control room as he patted his stomach with one hand and used the other to point in the direction of our bedroom. I nodded, disappointed he wouldn't be tasting my pasta while it was fresh, but I understood he would be exhausted after these past few days and I was glad he'd finally be getting his rest. He could tell I was disappointed, I knew by the apologetic smile he gave me, but he was appreciative of my understanding. That was evident too in the way that he reached forward and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I love you," he said as he leaned forward to kiss me. "I love you too," I rasped, my breath hitching with excitement at the prospect of finally kissing him again as I moved closer to him in cooperation. "Rue," I heard my name being called just as I'd closed my eyes to savor the kiss and our lips were inches apart. I groaned at the interruption as Ash and I backed off of each other simultaneously and set our hands on our hips, neither of us looking at the other as the disruptor approached. Benji jogged up to us and I embarrassedly rubbed my chin. "She's looking for you," he whispered to me, obviously meaning Rebel and apparently speaking in a hushed tone because he hadn't been introduced to Ash and didn't know if it was safe to mention her name with him eavesdropping. "She says she needs to talk to you," he continued. "Okay," I responded and looked off to the side, noticing Ash still standing there. "Oh, Ash, have you met-" I began to ask, but Ash cut me off. "Benji?" He asked, completing my sentence for me, but it seemed to be the start of an entirely different conversation as he directed his question at Benji and squinted at him. "Hello, Ash," Benji said coldly as he straightened up and held both hands behind his back as he turned to face my husband. "You two know each other?" I asked as I pointed between the two of them as they stared at each other and I flashed glances to both of them as I felt the hostility rising. "Remember when I told you I was in a band when I was a teenager?" Ash asked as he leaned towards me, taking his eyes off of Benji for a second to glance at me before looking back at Rebel's fiance. I nodded, remembering that Ash had indeed told me that and that Sawyer drew the posters for their gigs and that Ash occasionally played base for them, although he insisted he wasn't very good. I'd even been given the opportunity to listen to one of their songs and they became my favorite band, but mostly because my husband was a member. "Benji here was in it too." Ash gestured with his chin towards Benji and that explained why they knew each other, but the reason behind the animosity remained a mystery to me. "I wrote the lyrics," he pressed his palm up against his chest and that made sense to me. Since he was such an outstanding poet, it was reasonable he'd be skilled at rhyming lyrics. "He wrote the music." Ash gestured towards Benji with one hand. "What are you doing here?" Ash demanded harshly as he crossed his arms. "I joined the rebellion about two years ago," Benji defended himself as he mirrored Ash, crossing his arms as well. "What are you doing here?" He asked in the same tone of voice. "I married the leader of the rebellion five years ago," Ash emphasized the longer amount of time as he seized me by the arm and tugged me closer to him protectively. "I see you're still trying to one up me," Benji observed as he squinted at Ash, once again copying him. Ash chuckled humorlessly and shook his head down at the ground. Uh-oh, fake laughter, dangerous territory. I'd known Ash long enough to scale his levels of anger, I'd only ever seen him this angry a few times. Once whenever a guy tried to hit on me at a bar, and another time when a stormtrooper put his hands on me. "I saw your sister recently," Ash mentioned casually and I wondered what she had to do with this. I didn't even know Benji had a sister and I wondered when and where Ash had seen her and in what context. He'd said recently, so that obviously had to be anytime in the past three years, right? But the past three years he'd mostly been on his mission or on Ord Mantell attending his mother's funeral. Had he spent a lot of time with Benji's sister? A girl other than me? I jerked my arm out of his grasp, but he simply smirked cruelly at Benji's reaction. "Bella?" He asked as his eyes widened and he unfolded his arms as they fell at his side. That name sounded familiar. I looked down at the ground as I racked my brain for where I'd heard it before. "When? Where? Is she okay?" He fired questions at Ash. "She seemed pretty cozy at the castle last time I saw her," Ash answered as he assumed a relaxed posture and leaned back, holding the back of his hand away from his face to examine his nails. Castle? The only castle I was aware of that Ash had visited was the one on Naboo, but surely he'd have told me if he recognized someone there. "But that was three years ago." He stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned towards Benji as he smiled tauntingly. So, I was correct, he had recognized someone there, Benji's sister, Rebel's lady-in-waiting, Bella, and he'd seen her in my presence and hadn't said anything. Why hadn't he said anything? What was he trying to hide? Benji glared at Ash and refolded his arms over his chest as he glanced at me. "You want to tell your wife how you know my sister?" He asked Ash as he gestured to me, now out of his direct line of sight as he'd resumed looking at Ash. My husband sighed and turned his head in my direction, but refused to look at me. "I had a thing with Bella when I was a teenager," he confessed guiltily. "He had a thing with every girl at our school when he was a teenager," Benji accused angrily as he turned and spoke to me now. "I know," I said mildly as I held up my hand to Benji as an indicator for him to calm down, my palm facing him. I was well aware Ash had been a playboy before he met me, he had quite the reputation for himself. I'd had plenty of warnings from Sawyer and even just random, well meaning women that Ash had…ahem…mingled with in the past that we'd pass by on the street when we were living on Nar Shaddaa. They'd call him hateful names and try to warn me he'd break my heart and leave me for someone else, but Ash never engaged them, always protected me as they swarmed us, and as soon as they'd left he'd assure me they were crazy and do something so insanely romantic to prove his commitment to me that I had no choice but to believe him, but now I couldn't help but wondering who I should've trusted. Of course he always told me how guilty he felt concerning his past treatment of those girls and he deeply regretted the fact that I wasn't his first girlfriend and that couldn't be an act, right? Not when he'd married me and raised children with me and risked his life for me. "She knows," Ash said at nearly the same time I told Benji I was aware of Ash's player tendencies as he looked back at me and nodded. "I was a bit wild in my teenage years because there's no secrets between us," he said to Benji. "Right, babe?" He asked as he looked back at me again and I opened my mouth to agree with him on instinct, but I stopped myself as I remembered the entire reason he was asking me such a thing was because I'd just discovered a secret he'd been keeping from me about his acquaintanceship with Bella. I think he must've realized too because he turned back around without waiting for my response. "But I changed for her," he said to Benji as he pointed back at me. I winced as I sucked in a breath through my clenched teeth, knowing that was the wrong thing to say to Benji. Normally, it would've been a flattering thing for him to say about me, but to Benji I was sure it would only provoke him more because it seemed he was protective of his sister and he would no doubt wonder why Ash could've changed for me and not for his sister. Personally, it would've hurt my feelings if Ash had disrespected my sister in the past and then said such a thing to me. "Really?" Benji asked incredulously. "Because, to me," Benji poked himself in the chest with his finger. "It seems like you're the same old Ash, always wanting to pick a fight," he insulted and Ash stormed up to Benji, standing as close as possible and towering over him. "If you ever think for a second that you're going to be good enough for Rebel or that you're going to replace Sawyer, you're wrong," Ash growled as he poked Benji in the chest with his finger too, but Benji merely stood his ground and looked him in the eyes boldly. I became nervous the longer they stared at each other and walked up to Ash, putting my hand on his chest and gently applying pressure to incite him to take a step back from Benji. I didn't want to push too hard because I didn't want to aggravate him even more as I had when attempting to separate Ash and Jacen. "We're already engaged," Rebel announced as she entered the room regally, holding her hands at chest height in front of her, one hand facing the ceiling as the other faced the ground and she hooked her fingers together. "Rebel?" Ash questioned as he squinted in her direction and I remembered we hadn't told him she was here. "Rebel!" He cheered and shoved Benji out of the way as she entered the room further, her face now able to be perceived clearer. "Hello, Ash," she greeted him in the same manner Benji had as she came to stand beside her fiance. "Oh my force," Ash chuckled as he grabbed her shoulders and Benji cocked back his fist, preparing to punch him when Rebel gave Benji a small shake of her head that made him relax his posture and drop his arms down at his sides. "We've been looking for you for three years!" Ash shook her back and forth with a giant smile on his face, completely ignoring Benji. "We missed you!" He hugged her tightly and I saw Rebel's arms go rigid at her sides as she flexed her fingers in discomfort. I took a step towards them to pry them apart, but Rebel saw me from over Ash's shoulder and discreetly flicked her hand at me to wave me away, so I returned to where I had been originally standing. "How are you?" Ash asked as he leaned back out of the hug and still held onto Rebel's shoulders. "Alright, Ash," she muttered under her breath as she chuckled and looked down while brushing herself off. "You can tone it down a little," she whispered, just barely audible enough for me to hear. "What do you mean?" Ash asked quietly, matching her volume, wondering the same thing as I was. I leaned forward to eavesdrop on their conversation better. "You know," Rebel grumbled secretively as she looked back up at him and raised her eyebrows. "No, I don't," he whispered, shaking his head. "What are you talking about?" He asked again, slightly rephrasing his question. "Nothing," she shook her head as she waved her hand in front of her face. "Never mind," she said as she noticed me spying and I looked up at the ceiling with my hands behind my back and rocked back and forth on my heels innocently, pretending I hadn't heard them at all. "Hey, um, Rue," she addressed me as she scratched her head and I looked over at her, pointing at myself for verification. She nodded in silent response to my silent question. "Can I talk to you privately?" She asked as she pointed down the hallway to her right. "Sure." I nodded and followed her to the cafeteria. "What's up?"

I trudged back into mine and Ash's bedroom after Rebel and I had fought, dragging my feet as I was bewildered by what had just occurred. We never fight. In fact, this was our very first fight to my recollection. We'd had disagreements from time to time and small arguments here and there, but they were always respectful and never left unresolved for a long period of time. We always made sure to settle them prior to departing from each other's presence so that, in the event of an emergency where we needed to work together, there wouldn't be any underlying feelings of dispute getting in our way and so that those negative feelings didn't fester and snowball into a much stronger emotion, hate, and drive an everlasting wedge between us. I wondered what damaging effects this most recent feud would have on both our friendship and our sisterhood. Our friendship, although practically unbreakable, was still more fragile than our sisterhood, which formed our core, our heart, the very basis our relationship was built on. Our friendship formed a protective shell around our sisterhood and now our barrier had been penetrated by the sharp, stinging words of our conflict and hammered at our foundation, the source from which the love and respect exuded. I feared it now had a permanent fracture in it, never to be repaired. I traipsed into the bedroom as Ash stood in front of the dresser, his suitcase unzipped and on top of the dresser as he unpacked folded items of clothing into the protruding drawers beneath. He whipped his head towards the direction of the doorway as he heard me approaching and glared at me as I entered, pausing his act of unpacking. Honestly, I didn't even wonder why he was sullen with me at the moment, apparently everyone was, I couldn't do anything right. "I'm not coming to the wedding," he announced adamantly and watched me closely as I walked to stand behind him and I plopped down on the foot of the bed behind him. "That's fine," I sighed as I stared at the wall in front of me dazedly, replaying the fight with Rebel in my mind, wondering what I'd done wrong. I wasn't going to force Ash to attend Rebel's wedding, I was in no position to, he was a grown adult with his own stubborn opinions and I held no authority over him. I wasn't even sure if I was invited anymore either. "I'm not sure Rebel and I are on the best of terms right now anyway," I grumbled as I gandered down at the ground and pawed at it with my foot. As I was looking down, I heard the rattle of pills in a bottle and I looked up, intrigued by the noise. When I did look up though, I saw Ash tossing a handful of unmarked capsules in his mouth as he threw his head back and then screwed the lid back on the bottle before stuffing it back into his top drawer. It seemed as if he had refilled at some point during his trip because there certainly hadn't been that many left in the bottle when I'd caught him the first time. He glanced back at me over his shoulder and slammed the drawer shut, seeming to think I was judging him. That wasn't the case, of course I disapproved of his practice, but I'd given up trying to control him anymore. All I was anymore was curious and I wondered when or if I'd ever get my Ash back or if he was too far gone. "I'm not trying to judge." I held up my hands beside my head, my palms facing him in a symbol of innocence. "I just wanna know," I introduced inquisitively as I slowly lowered my hands into my lap. "How long have you been back on the pills?" I asked as I gestured with my chin to the top drawer. "I don't know," he shrugged as he turned back to face the bureau. "Like, two weeks," he speculated indifferently. "Maybe?" He added with uncertainty. If he was telling the truth, that would mean he'd just begun taking them the day of his return to the rebellion from his first mission to rescue Rebel. That could've been accurate or he also could've simply said that because that was the least amount of time he could provide as an answer without me knowing it was an outright lie. "How much longer do you plan to be on them?" I asked, curious to know if he had a plan or if he would merely continue restocking for as long as he possibly could. "You know, I'm getting really tired of all the questions." He raised his voice at me and banged his fist on the top of the dresser as he spun around to face me. The loud sound made me jump and I looked up at him towering over me as I sat and gulped. "Okay, I'm sorry," I apologized in a timid, shaky voice, one I'd never used with my husband before, as tears stung the backs of my eyes and I rapidly blinked them away. "I always feel like I'm being interrogated," he carped as he turned back towards the chest and formed a fist with one of his hands as he rested the other on top of the wardrobe. I tried to see things from his perspective and I realized my questions may have seemed like an interrogation to him since he didn't know my motive behind asking such questions. "Okay, I get it." I nodded, fighting off tears as I looked off to the side and wrapped my arms around myself to suffocate a sob before it could escape and to stop my insides from trembling. "No," he shook his head as he turned back around to face me. "Because you always do this," he said through clenched teeth as he held his hands up to me with curled fingers. I didn't think I was especially questioning, but I tried to continue being apologetic and understanding to hopefully pacify him. "You nag, and you nag, and you nag," he complained as he held up one hand by his face and repeatedly opened and closed his hand, touching his four fingers to his thumb, then separating them over and over again, indicating a mouth opening and closing. "Alright, I'm sorry," I apologized as I choked on my words. "You're always questioning me." He sounded victimized as he tossed his hands up into the air blamelessly and I'd about had enough of him accusing and criticizing me. "Okay, that's enough," I said sternly as I began to sit up straight to emphasize my firmess, but he either didn't seem to hear me or ignored me completely. "It's so annoying," he commented as he groaned and rolled his eyes at me, shifting back towards his suitcase again. "Enough," I repeated myself, louder this time as I struck the top of the bedpost with my hand. "I hate-" he began and I couldn't bear to hear what the next word might be as he again pointed his body in my direction. "Enough!" I shouted as I leapt up from the bed and slapped him across the cheek. His head barely turned to the side as the collision of my hand with his face wasn't near strong enough to affect him. Of course, I hadn't put very much force into my slap as I hadn't really been trying to hurt him, but still, I'd just hit my husband! I gasped and immediately began backing into the nearest corner to get as far away from him as possible so as not to inflict anymore damage. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I apologized profusely as I held my hands up to my mouth contritely. Ash chuckled humorlessly as his head remained fixed at the slightly turned angle after slapping him. He looked at me, first with his eyes only, then he turned his face towards me as he reset his jaw. "I'm really sorry." I apologized again as I shook my head and he began to stalk over to me. "I didn't mean to," I said innocently as I wedged myself deeper into the corner and he drew closer. "You didn't mean to?" He asked incredulously as he scoffed. Something vengeful rumbled deep in his throat and it made me terrified of the possible methods of revenge he might try on me, but I shook my mind free of the thought as I knew for a fact he wouldn't hurt me, it was just my combat instincts that had conjured up the possibility and wanted to prepare counter measures. "Please, don't," I whispered as I panted, fusing myself with the wall. It was those same instincts that had allowed those two words to slip out, wanting to avoid conflict at all costs, preferring to beg for my life first, even though my life was not in danger right now, I was as safe as I could be in the presence of my husband. "Please don't what?" He asked as he boxed me into the corner and trapped me there by placing both palms up against the wall on either side of my shoulders. "What?" He asked again as I glanced at both of his hands and he smirked. "You think I'm gonna hit back?" He asked innocently. "No," he denied in a sarcastic voice as he shook his head. "I'm not gonna hit back. I'm not gonna do that at all," he said as he leaned closer towards me and ducked his head down to my neck. "No, please," I whimpered as tears ran down my cheeks.

When morning came, I felt Ash's body roll over on top of mine and I gasped as I jumped. "Good morning, wifey," he mumbled endearingly, his voice drowsy. "How did you sleep?" He asked through a yawn as he softly kissed my cheek. He acted as if nothing had happened, as if everything was back to normal. He was himself again. "You're back," I whispered gratefully as I hooked my arm underneath his and pressed my palm against the back of his head to hug him. "Yeah," he chuckled. "I got back yesterday, silly." He booped my nose and I realized he had assumed I'd been referring to his physical presence being returned to me, when in reality I'd meant his true personality had returned. I couldn't run the risk of it departing again though and his alternate personality taking over which is what I thought would happen if I mentioned it, so I simply decided to go along with Ash. "Right," I chuckled nervously as I shrugged. "Silly me," I said disappointedly. "Mmm," Ash groaned as he sat up and grabbed at his forehead with his eyes tightly shut. "What's wrong?" I asked concernedly as I shot up once his weight had been removed from on top of me and I reached out and touched his shoulder, my eyebrows furrowing with worry. "Nothing," he gave his head a single shake as he removed his palm from his forehead. "I'm just remembering a really bad dream I had last night," he explained as he reopened his eyes on the mattress and he stared at it distractedly. It didn't seem as though he'd had any nightmares last night. He hadn't tossed or turned, panted or groaned at all during his sleep and I would've noticed, I was awake all night. The only thing that could've been a nightmare to him was what his alter ego had done, what had actually occurred in reality. "Thank goodness it was just a dream, right?" He asked ironically as he looked up at me and smiled. If he hadn't been so kriffing adorable, it might've actually been scary. "Right," I agreed as I nodded. He held my gaze a moment longer and smiled wider before I embarrassedly cleared my throat and tucked my hair behind my ear, breaking eye contact with him as I looked around the room for something other than him to occupy my gaze with. "Hey," he said excitedly and slapped my arm with the back of his hand, making me flinch. "I have a surprise for you." He leaned over onto his side of the bed and pulled open his nightstand drawer as I rubbed my arm. "I almost forgot," he said as he rummaged around inside the drawer before closing it and holding two tickets out towards me. I looked down at them briefly and pointed to myself for verification. Ash used to buy me a gift practically every day, but now that he'd been gone so long, I wasn't used to that anymore. He nodded in response and waved the tickets in front of me enticingly. I carefully took them out of his hand and held them close to my face to read them in the dark. "Faither race tickets?!" I screeched as I read the inscription on the flimsi and looked up at him, holding the two pieces of flimsi over my heart. "You've always wanted to go to one," Ash stated factually as he shrugged humbly. "Yes," I giggled giddily as I nodded. "Thank you!" I squealed. "You're the best hubby ever!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and roped him into a hug. "Aww," he cooed as he patted my back. "No, just the luckiest to be married to you." He leaned out of the hug and booped my nose. I felt myself blush as I bit my lip and looked down to avoid his gaze. As I examined the tickets in my hand closer, I noticed the expiration date was for today, therefore, I needed to hire a babysitter immediately. I couldn't ask Wrecker and Patricia since they'd already done it yesterday and I promised Rex I'd give him and Lily a break, so I couldn't ask them either. Suddenly, the idea hit me to petition Rebel. "I'm gonna go ask Rebel…" As soon as I said her name, I was reminded of the context I'd last used her name in and the tone in which I'd said it. I wasn't sure she'd be willing to help me out anymore. I looked up at Ash for his input on the situation since he typically had good advice, but he only cocked his head at me, wondering why I'd trailed off. That's when I remembered I hadn't told him what happened between Rebel and I, I hadn't had a chance to, he hadn't asked when I'd subtly brought it up. I shook my head to expel the memories and completed my sentence. "If she and Benji can watch the kids today." I faked a smile as I patted Ash's knee and stood up from bed feeling weak, shaky, and nauseous. Probably just morning sickness, I told myself. "Okay." He nodded and smiled at me as I exited the room. I headed to the control room first, inclined to believe Rebel would be there conducting border patrols, updating battle strategies, and inspecting armory supplies. Sure enough, that's exactly where I found her. She was hunched over the holotable in the center of the room, supporting herself with her hands on the rim of the table and a diagram of the base's entire fleet pulled up on the surface. I wrung my hands, nervous to interrupt her concentration and nervous, too, about her reaction to my presence in general. I took a deep breath and broke the silence with my greeting. "Hey, Rebel," I said, trying my best to sound non confrontational as I took a step forward. "Could you-" I asked, cutting right to the chase as she looked up at me, her eyebrows still furrowed in concentration. "Woah," she interrupted, her eyes widening as her eyebrows remained knitted, but in a more concerned sense now. "What happened to your eye?" She asked as she turned toward me and pointed up at my left eye. "What?" I asked confusedly. Nothing felt unordinary with my eye, but I reached up to touch it to make sure. As soon as I grazed it, I felt my puffy, swollen eyelid against my fingertips and a sharp pain exude from the area. "Oh, ow." I winced, sucking in an agonized breath through my clenched teeth as I jerked my hand away from my face and flailed it as if it had caught fire by making contact with the injured eyelid. Flashes sprinted through my mind of a fist coming at me, but I didn't know who it belonged to. I had some idea, but I couldn't be certain and I definitely didn't want to falsely accuse him, nor even consider the possibility for that matter. I didn't want Rebel to even suspect she might've been correct about Ash because there's no telling what she might do to him, to us, in order to keep us apart. That was the last thing I wanted. To prevent Rebel from investigating further and obtaining the truth, I ignored the affliction altogether. "Nothing," I shook my head and sighed, propping my hands up on my hips. "I'm fine," I said adamantly. "Listen," I commanded sternly as I began again and straightened up. "Can you-" I started to ask. "That looks pretty serious," she annoyingly interrupted me again as she crept closer to me. "I'm fine," I stated more forcefully through clenched teeth as I stamped my foot. "Now," I huffed irritatedly. "Would you listen to me," I asked sarcastically, but upon seeing Rebel's hurt face as she looked down, I felt the need to soften my demand into more of a request. "Please?" I asked politely and after pausing for a moment to ensure she wasn't going to interrupt this time, I continued. "I need you to-" This time, it wasn't Rebel who interrupted me, but the sensation of a heavy object being placed on top of my head, a dark veil falling over my eyes, a feeling similar to that of hands closing around your head and applying pressure, making the blood flow away from your brain and your vision blur and darken as the hands squeezed tighter and tighter. "Ah!" I yelped, terrified, and bolted to stand behind Rebel instinctively with her as my shield. When I finally realized I had been able to escape, I peeked out from behind Rebel's shoulder to see what had been behind me. When my gaze rose above Rebel's shoulder, I saw Ash standing in front of her with his hands up and his palms facing us in a gesture of innocence with an apologetic smile on his face. "Oh, I'm sorry." He apologized sincerely as he crouched down to my level and my legs finally quit shaking. "Did I scare you?" He asked gently as he pressed his palm up against his chest. "A little bit," I admitted shyly as I shrugged and stepped out from behind Rebel, embarrassedly clearing my throat and tucking my hair behind my ear. "Aww," he whined and stuck out his bottom lip in a pouting expression. "I'm sorry." He apologized again. "It's okay," I swatted my hand through the air at him as a symbol for brushing off the offense as I smiled at the adorableness of his facial expression and breathed a sigh of relief at the assurance that it had only been him. As my nerves gradually calmed, I noticed the top half of my vision was blocked, making me frown and swat at the obstruction with my hand to discover if it was a product of my swollen eye or if something was really in my way. When the back of my hand smacked against a rough, but flimsy texture, I realized something was still squeezing my temples, so I reached up to pat the top of my head. "I saw that hat on Nar Shaddaa and I had to buy it for you." Ash pointed at the hat I was evidently wearing and chuckled as I rubbed my hand over the mesh dome on top of my head. I smiled at his infectious laughter and pinched the brim of the hat that was hanging over my eyes with my index finger and thumb to lift it out of my view. Ash instantly seemed disturbed and furrowed his brow in concern as he advanced toward me quickly. "Hey, what happened to your eye?" He asked as he reached up to lightly stroke my eyelid, but I grabbed both of his wrists out of fear before he could cup my face in his palms and I jerked my head back to get it out of his range. "Oh, nothing." I shook my head so that he was unable to get a good look at my eye and make out his fist shape or the shape of anyone's fist for that matter as I forced a smile. I needed a way out of this investigation as I realized I wouldn't be able to field both of their concerns at the same time. "I'm gonna go get ready," I immediately blurted out as an excuse to dash away. Once I arrived back at Ash and I's bedroom, I removed the headwear and examined the color scheme to determine what outfit would match best. I saw that it was white with a black stripe around the brim and a black ribbon was tied around the bottom of the dome on the hat and it ended in a bow. I smiled at Ash's good sense of fashion and dressed myself in a column shaped dress that was half black and half white, the two opposing colors split down the middle vertically as the length of the dress reached down to my ankles and had a slit up to my knee. I situated the hat back on my head and leaned in close to the full-length mirror attached to the closet door to examine my eye. It was deepening in color and now had a violet tint. The shading of the hat aided in disguising it somewhat, but I needed to do more if I wanted to make it less noticable. Patricia had done a marvelous job of causing the scars on Rebel's cheeks to seem as if they disappeared, perhaps she could help me with my predicament. When I approached her about concealing the bruise, she of course had a dozen questions, but she knew better than to ask after I sniped at her for asking just one. She diligently performed her task and was able to successfully mask my black eye. That was the first time a makeup brush ever touched my skin. She applied purple eyeshadow to my right eye so that it matched the left. It looked so alike to my injured eye, I didn't even hardly notice a difference. I paraded back out to the control room, confidence regained. "How do I look?" I asked as I paused in the doorway and held my arms up at my sides demonstratively and Ash's jaw dropped when he spun around. "Like a million credits!" He cried as he clapped his hands together once and eyed me up and down, smiling giddily. "My force!" He rubbed his palm down his face. "You are insanely gorgeous, my love!" He kissed the tips of his fingers on both hands and extended his arms toward me as he gave me a warm smile. He flexed his fingers toward his palms twice as a gesture for me to come forward and I did so, shuffling to him bashfully. "Thank you," I said, flattered as I looked up at him lovingly and he grasped my waist. I looked off to my side, catching movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed Rebel was still standing there. I had this fleeting intrusive thought that perhaps she wouldn't be here when we returned, our fight persuading her to not feel welcome anymore. "We'll see you when we get back?" I asked aloofly to prompt her honest answer as I wiped the smile from my face. She nodded with her lips locked together as she joined her hands behind her back and I felt a tremor of excitement flutter through me at her response. I definitely wasn't ready to say goodbye to her yet and I'd never be willing to let her go. "Have fun." She waved farewell to us and ducked out of the room as I looked back up at Ash. "We will," I whispered to him, eager to spend some time with him again, just the two of us, like it'd been when we were dating. Ash took responsibility for transportation and flew us to the Outer Rim, to Cantonica, and we landed in the capital city of Canto Bight where the race was being held. I kept my head down for the first half of the race in fear of being recognized. I'd never been in a city this large since Coruscant. Eventually, however, as I focused on the majestic faithers, I became less conscious of my effort to stay hidden and watched the race instead of the people passing by as Ash held and massaged my hand comfortingly the entire time. My heart slowly opened back up to him the longer we sat there with him simply cradling my hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of it. The brambles that had woven their way around my heart and kept it caged inside gradually unraveled and I was able to be open with him again. Once the race had ended and the faither I'd placed a verbal bet on had won, Ash took me down to the track to meet the faithers and I was allowed to pet them, even catch a quick ride on one of them, which was difficult to do with my dress on, but manageable. We now stood on one of the many private balconies to the casino overlooking the track with the distant sound of coins jingling, the wind whipping through our hair, and the waves crashing against the coast filling the void of pleasant silence between Ash and I. "So you're about one month along now, right?" He asked as he pointed down at my stomach, referencing the pregnancy which I'd almost forgotten about. "Yep," I sighed and looked down, rubbing my hand over my hardly pronounced stomach as I remembered another special event that marked the baby's arrival eight months from now. "My due date is your birthday." I looked up at him and smiled, hoping he and the baby would share the same birthday. He smiled back at me as he now displayed a genuine interest in the child. "How do you feel about this one?" He asked me. That was a difficult question to answer. I was understandably nervous considering my most recent experience with being pregnant, but I was also shocked to find I was slightly excited at the prospect of welcoming a new baby into our family, so I had mixed feelings about this little one. I didn't want to bore Ash with my long, drawn out explanation as to why I didn't have a definite answer, so I summed it up with one word. "Okay." I shrugged as I looked back out to survey the horizon. "Rue," he chid disappointedly, able to tell I was restraining my feelings as he leaned his shoulder against mine. "Tell me," he urged. "How do you really feel?" He asked more intimately. "Honestly?" I asked cautiously as I squinted up at him and he nodded attentively. "Nervous, more than usual," I answered, my eyes widening. "But also, surprisingly, a little excited." I shrugged, unsure if the emotion I was experiencing was excitement or anxiety or just nausea from the pregnancy itself. "I didn't think I wanted another baby, but now that he-" I shook my head as soon as the pronoun slipped out of my mouth, remembering that we didn't yet know the gender of the baby. I was just accustomed to speaking about the baby in terms of it being a male because that was what Cole had been. "I'm sorry- it's here," I apologized and corrected myself. "I'm looking forward to the chubby little cheeks and all the little giggles," I said, reminiscing about all of the enjoyable details of having a newborn. When Ash didn't respond, I looked up at him, curious to see if he shared my opinion or if it was different for him as the father. I saw he was looking down at the railing distractedly, but with a sympathetic smile on his face as if he understood my feelings. He glanced over at me, no doubt feeling watched, and smirked. "Do you still want it to be a boy?" He asked, apparently experiencing some déjà vu as he remembered standing together on the treehouse balcony three years ago discussing the very same subject of what gender we hoped our next child would be as Cole was at about the same stage of development this new baby would be. I pondered over his inquiry for a moment, remembering all of the reasons I'd wanted Ria to have a brother back then and realizing they were all still relevant today. The additional reason of wanting to give Kai a brother to play with also influenced my decision somewhat. I nodded reluctantly since it felt wrong to have a preference, but Ash's agreement with me lessened some of that reluctance. "Me too." He nodded and we lapsed into another comfortable silence as we resumed observing our surroundings. "Rue," Ash was standing close enough to me I could hear him gulp. I looked over at him and saw him twiddling his thumbs nervously. "I have a confession to make," he announced as he looked over at me with remorseful eyes and I felt my heartbeat quicken, apprehension surging as I conjured up possibilities for what he might say next. "I'm the one who issued the order for Jacen and Obi-Wan to go down to the Death Star without your permission," he admitted as he pointed to himself and looked down guiltily. I puffed out a sigh of relief that his confession was something I already expected instead of discovering he was keeping another secret. "I'm so sorry, Rue," he apologized, shaking his head as his voice cracked and I rubbed his back compassionately. "I sent them both to their deaths for no reason," he continued, angry with his own mistake as he gestured wildly. "Innocent people," he emphasized as he turned towards me. "I killed them." He banged his fist up against his chest. "I'm a murderer!" He cried as he thrust both of his hands into his hair and tugged stressfully. I glanced around, ensuring no one had heard that out of context and would come running up to arrest my husband and consequently me after seeing who he was married to. "Not so loud," I whispered as I shushed him gently and patted him soothingly on the chest after confirming the authorities weren't on their way. I was curious though, I had suspected he'd been the one responsible for giving the order, but I didn't know his motive behind it. If he was confessing to me, might he reveal his reasoning too? "Why did you do it?" I asked after he'd finally removed his hands from his hair and down to my waist. "I don't know," he replied unsurely as he shrugged. "When I saw him about to kiss you," he recalled painfully as he cringed and turned his face away from me with his eyes closed. "I just wanted to kill him," he said through clenched teeth as he slowly turned his head back toward me and glowered at me through his eyelashes, but his scowl was not directed at me, I knew. "Then you defended him and I guess I got scared and insecure," he assumed as the fury faded from his eyes and he appeared innocent again. "And I wanted to kill him even more and then I had my opportunity and I just took it," he explained. "But I killed Obi-Wan along with him and I never meant to do that." He closed his eyes regretfully and shook his head. "I'm so sorry." He apologized again as he cracked his eyelids open to look at me. "I forgive you," I said instantly, the contrite expression on his face more than enough to atone for his mistake. As I digested what he said, I realized part of the reason he'd been provoked into doing such a thing was my fault. I needed to apologize too. "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression Jacen and I's relationship was deeper than it was," I made my apology as I squeezed his arms with my hands and he dipped his head in forgiveness. The root cause of his mistake though was still mostly his responsibility and he'd yet to apologize for it, his excessive possessiveness. It needed to be addressed. "But you've got to get this jealousy issue under control otherwise I won't feel safe around you," I bargained and he nodded seriously, showing he understood the repercussions which, if push comes to shove, I don't know if I'll be able to follow through on. I felt myself growing weary and knew it was time to head home, but I wanted to end on a high note. Thinking about the possibility of the baby being a boy got me thinking about masculine names and I still wanted to name our next child after Ash, only this time not something relating to his name specifically, but perhaps something he was fond of. I felt a smile creep across my face as I received an idea that would definitely end Ash's night on a high. "If our baby is a boy," I said hypothetically and bit my lip as I paused, finding it difficult to form the words through my smile. "I want to name him Sawyer," I whispered, rising up on my tiptoes to bring my face closer to his. I saw Ash's eyes become misty with tears and he sniffled as a sentimental smile tugged at his lips. "I think that's an excellent name," he whispered back as he touched his forehead to mine and took both of my hands in his. "Our little soybean," he said softly as he grazed the back of his finger along my stomach. Once we arrived back at base, Rebel was waiting for us in the control room, apparently having heard the alarm that a ship was on approach and, knowing it was us, wanted to be the first to welcome us back. She smiled at us tiredly, but friendly and I realized the kids would no doubt be asleep since it was so late and since Rebel seemed to be the only one awake, I assumed she'd been the one to tuck them in. "Thanks for watching the kids," I said as I looped my arm around Ash's and ducked behind him slightly in order to be protected unless I were to say something wrong and provoke her again. "My pleasure." She nodded as she sounded insincere and she stuck her hands in her pockets defensively. I wondered if her aloof attitude towards me meant she wasn't keen on spending the entire day with me shopping for wedding dresses as I'd promised her we'd do. "Are we still on for wedding dress shopping tomorrow?" I asked timidly and her gaze softened as she looked at me. "Yes," she said affectionately as she nodded and began walking toward me. "Of course." She stopped in front of me and smiled genuinely. "Absolutely." She took both of my hands in hers compassionately, but her sudden fondness over me befuddled me and I jerked my hands back, pulling them out of hers and tucking them under my arms. "Cool. See you then," I said abruptly and tugged Ash back to our bedroom without looking back at Rebel. Ash was obviously confused as to what had caused my hast in departure from Rebel, but I only briefly explained that she and I had a disagreement and that I wasn't ready to share the details yet since I didn't want Ash to know the fight concerned him and I didn't have a coverup story planned yet. He was respectful of my emotions and assured me he understood and that Rebel and I would make up soon, never pressuring me for specifics. When I awoke the next morning and entered the mess hall to fix myself a cup of coffee, I found Rebel already awake and sitting at the table we'd claimed as our own the night before last when we were microwaving cheese. I stumbled backwards, taken aback by her presence since generally no one was awake before me except perhaps Rex, but for Rebel to be awake prior to me was even more out of the ordinary. Perhaps even stranger was the fact that she didn't have any coffee, no drink at all, in fact. She was just sitting there, alone, staring off into space, completely still. I thought she might've gone back to sleep sitting up since she can practically sleep anywhere. Granted, the reason she might not have had a drink in her possession is because she didn't know where to find the glasses and mugs in this new facility, but she could've found them, she obviously had no problem ravaging through the pantry two nights ago. "Good morning," I greeted her quietly so as not to wake her if she was indeed asleep, but loudly enough to be heard if she was conscious. She looked up at me and smiled, waving me in with her hand, so I complied and approached the coffee maker to pour some into my mug. "Caf?" I offered her some, holding up the pot of steaming liquid that had been freshly brewed as I called it by the same name we had dubbed it as cadets since we were incapable of articulating the full name. "No, thanks." She held her palm up to me and shook her head. I frowed and cocked my head as my hand froze on the cupboard door knob since I was already reaching for a mug to pour her serving into, predicting her answer would've been yes. Out of all of the unusual occurrences this morning, this was quite possibly the weirdest. Rebel never denies coffee. The only possible explanation for her refusal would have to be that coffee wasn't even a part of her diet anymore. "Since when did you stop drinking coffee," I asked incredulously as I closed the cupboard door, but I quickly realized she may not be willing to tell me, perhaps it was personal or related to an unpleasant memory now. "May I ask?" I amended my question, now requesting permission first as I faced her, turning my back to the counter and leaning against it as I sipped my coffee. "Since Master stopped letting me drink it," she answered and crossed her arms with her elbows resting against the table as she glanced around the room, avoiding eye contact with me. "Says it's bad for fertility." She explained why he forbade her from drinking it and I bit the rim of my coffee mug to contain a laugh. It was nowhere near humorous of course, his dictatorship had definitely gone too far and was far from amusing. What I did find humorous, however, was the fact that he thought an excess of caffeine was what was preventing Rebel from becoming pregnant instead of her surgery. I could tell it greatly amused Rebel as well as she began to smile and eventually couldn't contain her giggles. The joke was definitely on him. However, I couldn't help but think about the sort of punishment that would ensue from her prolonged failure to conceive more of his children and the even harsher punishment she would endure if he ever discovered the true reason why. Eventually, such gruesome thoughts exited my mind after Rebel and I traveled off world to a sparsely inhabited planet with a marketplace and I watched her reject dress after dress. As I smoothed out the gown she had most recently donned while she stood in the mirror, I became increasingly unsettled at the lack of conversation between the two of us. There had only been brief exchanges mostly consisting of me asking her how she felt about a certain dress and her grunting in response since we'd left base. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her about our fight, if she regretted what she said as much as I regret what I said, what she thought this meant for our friendship moving forward, if she could forgive me, if not, what I could do to make that happen, but I had plenty of questions stored up to work up to asking the more recently formed ones. "So," I began awkwardly as I straightened the dress on her shoulders and brushed a piece of fuzz off her back. "Where have you been these past few years?" I asked as I looked up at her reflection in the glass from behind her shoulder and she stared back at me blankly. I suddenly felt my cheeks grow warm as I realized that may be an inappropriate question. She may not even be able to answer that because she wanted to keep her location confidential or because she knew we'd stubbornly attempt to travel there and break her out which she assumed would only end in the death of numerous rebels and intensified torture for her. She didn't have much faith in us, I could tell, but if I'm being honest, I didn't either. Through no fault of their own, the rebels had become weak, impulsive, reckless, and foolhardy under the lack of Rebel's leadership. "If you can tell me," I mumbled embarrassedly as I shrugged and looked down at Rebel's train before bending down to unbunch it. She sighed heavily and I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me as I sensed that meant she would be unable to give me a definite answer. I stood back up with my shoulders slouched in preparation for the discontentment I'd feel. "I recalibrated the compass on your bracelet to show my exact coordinates instead of just a rough direction," she said unexpectedly as she held one of her arms straight out at her side horizontally, the bracelet Ash had handmade dangling off her palm and I gasped, slapping my palm to my heart. "So you'll always know where I am." She turned around to face me and flashed me a toothy grin, one of the most prideful smiles I'd seen from her in a while. "Oh, Rebel," I croaked, my throat closing as I spoke and I fanned my face with my hands, blinking back tears of gratitude as I shook my head. "Thank you so, so much," I said appreciatively as I looked back up at her and cupped the back of her hand that held the bracelet with my hands. "Ash had a sweet idea," she shrugged as she fastened the bracelet around my wrist. "I just improved upon it a little bit." She winked as she looked back up at me and I smiled, squeezing my wrist with my hand as I battled the urge to hug her. I wasn't sure if a hug would be welcome anymore after our disagreement. I opened my mouth to ask for her consent in doing so, but before I could utter a sound she spun back around and pointed to the top of the zipper on her back, wordlessly indicating for me to unzip her. I decided I needed to communicate with her more anyway, ask her some of the older questions I had for her, before delving into the far more complex topic of our friendship. "You never answered my question," I introduced once she returned from the dressing room wearing a different dress than before. She looked up at me and cocked her head, intrigued as she stepped up onto the platform in front of the mirror. "Why were you on the ground?" I asked in reference to the instance two days ago in which I'd seen her laying on her back on the floor of her ship with Rex crouched down at her side. "When?" She asked obliviously as she straightened her sleeves which came down to her wrists. "I heard a scream while you and Rex were supposedly making up and you were on the ground by the time I got to you," I reminded her of the occurrence while spreading out the train of her dress on the floor behind her. "I asked why, but you only ever answered my last question of whether or not you made up," I said as I stood back up and looked at her in the mirror, but she quickly looked down and held her breath. "So, why were you on the ground?" I repeated my question, my tone growing more stern as I propped my hands up on my hips and impatiently waited for her to answer. "Okay," she exercised her jaw and fidgeted with her hands. "I didn't want to tell you because it's embarrassing." She smiled down at the ground bashfully, but her tone of voice contained a hint of mischief. "I slipped and fell," she responded seriously, her smile disappearing as she looked up at my reflection from behind her in the mirror. I cocked my eyebrow distrustfully. The Rebel I knew would never be embarrassed about having fallen down, she would only be spiteful and would have been shoving Rex away as he tried to pull her up instead of surrendering to his assistance as she had done. Besides, it didn't seem particularly realistic that a force wielder wouldn't be able to sense they were about to trip and not protect themselves. Although Thrawn was forcing her to take force suppressors I reminded myself. "The kids spilled their water as we were taking off and I forgot to clean it up once we landed, so as we were coming inside to tell you we made up, I slipped and fell on the ground," she elaborated on her answer, making it more believable. "That's also why I screamed," she added after a brief pause, giving a simple gesture of her hand towards the mirror. I didn't believe her though, it was such a weak excuse. Water could not have possibly been that slippery and, besides, she said it had happened as they were exiting the ship meaning there had to have been at least a small puddle at the entrance of the ship and I hadn't stepped in anything slick nor had Rex warned me to avoid the alleged puddle and he definitely would've done so. I didn't have the energy to spark up another argument with her though, especially not with so little time left in her stay here. "Do you really have to go at the end of this week?" I wailed as I set my chin down on her shoulder. "Yes, I do," she replied delicately as she leaned her cheek against the top of my head and patted my outside cheek with her palm. "Why?" I whined as I ignored all quams around embracing her and hugged her tightly from behind, squeezing my arms around her torso. "Master is only gone for a week on a business trip," she answered calmly, turning her head slightly so that she could whisper into my ear better and she took a deep breath as I felt the warmth of her exhale on my cheek. "I have to be back by the time he returns," she explained dreadfully, choking on her words and I heard her gulp down a sob. I thought about how much I would miss her, about all of the people who would suffer from her absence, especially her new fiancé. "You're gonna have a hard time breaking it to Benji," I muttered as I took a step back from her and allowed my hands to slip away from her abdomen to wipe my bottom eyelids that had begun to collect tears. "I know." She nodded down at the ground somberly and I couldn't bear to look at her face in the mirror. "I think this is the one," she announced as she spun around and held her arms up at her sides to display the dress as she'd worked up the courage to muster a smile. I sniffled as I scanned her up and down and determined that she could not have chosen a more gorgeous dress to match her beautiful features and far more beautiful personality. "So do I." I nodded approvingly as my vision blurred from the tears in my eyes, making it difficult to even perceive the gown at all. We purchased the dress and returned home to stage the wedding since we now had the most important element. I put on the bridesmaid's dress I had handy from Leia's wedding since it correlated well with Rebel's purple themed wedding and helped Rebel reclothed herself in her wedding gown. As I zipped up Rebel's dress in her room, I felt my insides flip in excitement for Rebel or possibly because of the baby. I reached down and tapped against my stomach in response to the child's movement as I reflected on my past two pregnancies and how Rebel had been there for me with all three as I'd been there for each of her weddings and at the same time, playing the same role in her wedding party each time. I stepped around her to stand in front of her and gave her an encouraging smile. "Funny how I've been your maid of honor for all three of your weddings and I've been pregnant for each one too," I mentioned as I looked down and placed my hand on my stomach. Speaking about her past marriages made me think of how unfair it was for Rebel that she hadn't found the proper person to spend the rest of her life with until now when the timing could not have been worse and she would barely be able to spend two days with him as his wife and how unfair it was that one of her marriages had not been her choice, but this marriage to Benji felt solid and everlasting, conclusive. I wondered if she felt the same way. "Think this'll be the last one?" I asked as I looked up at her. "It better be," she joked as she chuckled exhaustedly and shook her head while looking at the ground. "Third time's the charm." I shrugged, joking back as I flipped the veil over her head to cover her face. "What about you?" She asked me through the curtain. "Think this one is the last one?" She asked as she pointed at my stomach, indicating the impending child. In truth, even Cole had been a surprise. I had been satisfied with Ria, but I knew Ash wanted more children so I was open to the idea. However, now, after losing a child, I wasn't ready to carry this one even. "It better be," I said through a strenuous sigh and chuckled as I imitated her. A knock interrupted our laughter and I glanced over at the door where the sound had originated from as I shielded Rebel instinctively by jumping in front of her. Wrecker opened the door without an invitation and propped his hand up on the doorknob as he leaned inside the room. "It's time," he informed us, excitement bubbling in his voice as he smiled at us with his teeth clenched in anticipation. "Wow, Rebel," his eyes widened as he caught sight of her when she peeked over my shoulder. "You look…" he bobbed his head in a circle, searching for the word. "Not ugly," he grinned at her as he completed his sentence. I smirked in amusement as I heard Rebel scoff from behind me and she shoved my shoulder out of her way as she walked towards him. "Gee, thanks," she replied sarcastically as she wove her arm around his to be led to the control room where the wedding was being held. I had wanted to request permission to walk her down the aisle, but that was Wrecker's privilege. I already had the honor of being her maid of honor, besides, Wrecker had walked her down the aisle at her first wedding, it was only proper he do the same for her last. As I watched them turn around the doorframe to exit the room, I sprang up on my tiptoes realizing I needed to be on the altar prior to Rebel. "I'm coming!" I shouted as I lifted the hem of my dress so I wouldn't trip on it and ran to the control room, taking an alternate route so as not to bump into Wrecker and Rebel on the way. It was a good thing the base was constructed in the shape of a circle. I reached command central out of breath, but on time as I stood across from Benji, gasping for air and silently assuring everyone I was alright with subtle waves of my hand. Rebel arrived looking elegant and with an elated smile on her face, lighting up her features with a gorgeous glow even underneath her veil as she nodded in appreciation to each of the guests. Wrecker guided her up to her eagerly waiting soon-to-be husband and watched her arm slide out from under his own before he lifted her veil off her face and over her head, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. He stepped off to the side and allowed her to face Benji as the ceremony began. "Benjamin," the officiant we had hired addressed him by his full name. "Do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" He asked as he gestured to Rebel. "I do," Benji answered enthusiastically as he nodded vigorously, inciting a few, sophisticated giggles from Rebel. "Rebel," the officiant turned toward her. "Do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" He asked, gesturing to Benji. "I do." Rebel was already answering before the man standing between them had even finished. "Repeat after me-" The man was cut off by Rebel. "Can we just skip to the kissing part already?!" She whined as she stamped her foot and I stifled a laugh behind my hand at her eagerness. "We've both done this before," she pointed out as she gestured between herself and her fiancé. "Some of us more than others," Benji murmured teasingly as he pawed at the ground with his foot, earning a glare from Rebel. "Alright then," the officiant accepted with wide eyes, stunned by her impatience. "You may kiss the bride," he authorized reluctantly as Rebel wiggled in anticipation, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but before he even could, Rebel was flinging her arms around Benji's neck and kissing him. I probably whooped and hollered the loudest out of everyone in attendance as I alternated between pumping my fists in the air and clapping. Thinking about the attendance caused me to wonder if Ash really had followed through on his promise and stayed in his room. I hadn't seen him since this morning. I glanced around the room for his familiar face as my clapping dwindled since my focus had shifted. I felt my heart sink in disappointment and my posture slouch as he was nowhere to be found. As I continued to scan the room, however, beyond even the most distant heads filling the room, I thought I caught a glimpse of a black blur that could've possibly been Ash's hair moving away from the doorway. I darted toward the possible hallucination, shoving my way past rebels, and eventually made it out into the hallway, but I was alone. I spun around, searching for any traces that someone else had just passed by when the thought dawned on me that Ash might possibly be at our favorite spot since it was a place he liked to visit to achieve a feeling of serenity. The balcony, the one we'd stood on while overlooking the forest on our first date after Ash had returned from his mission and this hallway did lead to the balcony which increased the likelihood of him being there. I decided to head that way and once I reached the glass double doors that provided entry to the balcony, I peered through the glass and saw him with his back to me as he leaned over the railing. My breath hitched in my throat at just the sight of him and I pushed the doors open, instantly welcomed by the scent of smoke. I waved my hand in front of my face to encourage the aroma to dissipate as I stifled a cough. I walked up to stand beside him and leaned up against the railing with my forearms in imitation of him as I wrapped my arms around myself, shielding myself from the chiling night air. I glanced over at him and saw he had a death stick hanging out of his mouth as he ignored my discomfort surrounding the smell completely. He removed it from his mouth and tapped the end of it against the railing, watching the ashes fall from the butt and land on a nest of shyyyo birds below. He smirked evilly as the startled bird squawked and flew away. I scoffed irritatedly as I looked away and shook my head. The old Ash never would've been so heartless, I hated what the compassionate man I married was turning into, but I was terrified to confront him about it for fear I might make it worse and I definitely didn't want him to be in pain. I longingly remembered the day five years ago when Ash was taking me out on a date and I'd found a baby convor at my doorstep and Ash had tenderly cradled it in his hands and searched for the nest and restored it to its rightful home. My eyes teared up at the memory and I looked back at him, hoping it was all a dream and the Ash I knew and loved was back. I was mortified to discover that was not the case and to instead see him offering me his death stick. "What is the matter with you?" I asked rhetorically as I swatted his hand away and squared him up. "What?" He asked drunkenly as he chuckled. "I thought it might help you loosen up," he said, his voice muffled as he stuck the stick in his mouth again and pulled a lighter identical to the one Apollo carried out of his pocket. "Not be so uptight for once." He surveyed the scenery as he lit the end of his stick and placed the lighter back in his pocket. "Uptight?" I repeated in an incredulous tone as it was an adjective he'd never used to describe me before, I certainly didn't think it was an accurate description. "Tell me," I said, mocking an intrigued tone as I pressed my index finger and thumb against my chin. "Is it uptight to not want to do something illegal or to not want to spread this bad habit to our kids?" I asked sarcastically and I propped my hands up on my hip. "Force," he cursed as he rolled his eyes and inhaled a deep whiff of smoke. "It was peaceful until you got here," he grumbled under his breath and puffed a cloud of smoke in my face. I felt my fingers curl into fists at my sides defensively. At that moment, something foreign took control of me and I wanted him to be experiencing as much pain as I was and knowing him as well as I did, I knew just how to make him suffer. "How would Sawyer feel about you doing this again?" I asked as I gestured to the death stick in his mouth and his face contorted in agony as he yanked it from his mouth, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and grabbed hold of my wrist. "Say his name one more time and see what happens," he growled as he leaned in close to my face. I glanced over at his grip on my wrist unafraid. "I know 16 different ways to break out of this hold," I stated boredly. "But you won't use them, will you?" He asked, smirking as he shook his head. "Will you?" He repeated through clenched teeth as he tightened his hold on me when I refused to answer. "Why not?" He asked, taking my silence as a response. "Just tell me why you won't use them!" He yelled as he shook my wrist back and forth. I couldn't begin to understand why in the universe he'd want me to fight back, unless he didn't want to win. I knew old tendencies were back, but I wondered if old feelings were back as well, feelings Sawyer had helped Ash bury deep down in the past. If they were, now was a more important time than ever to give him an answer. "Because I don't want to hurt you the way you've hurt me and because I love you!" I screamed at him, tears filling my eyes. "Why?" He cried, biting back a sob as he seized both my wrists now. "Rue, tell me why or I'll jump off this balcony and take you with me," he threatened slowly in a low, menacing voice as he took a step closer to the edge of the balcony and my heart rate increased, hindering my ability to speak. "Let her go." I looked in the direction of my savior's voice, sounding much like my own.