"Come on," I grunted with effort as I twisted the head of the screwdriver in my hand counterclockwise against the nail that held the wall plate over the electrical socket in place. I've been trapped in my room at the rebellion for the past eight months without my tools, and finally, just yesterday, after weeks of requesting to have them brought to my room, Rue complied. There's no crueler torture than for a man to be separated from his tools while he's cooped up alone without any projects to keep him occupied. I haven't seen Benji, Wrecker, Lily, Rex, or anyone besides Rue, Ria, Kai, Kali, and Armani since I returned from Naboo, and I haven't stepped foot outside of my room since we first landed back at the rebellion all those months ago, not by choice, I'm locked in. I've asked Rue why I'm confined to my room when she comes to visit me without the kids, but every time I pose the question, she ignores me and quickly changes the subject. She's close to giving birth and has been extra cranky lately, so I've been doing everything I can to avoid annoying her, including not pestering her with questions, no matter how important the answers are to me. She informed me that the baby is a boy, though, and gave me a picture of one of his ultrasounds, which I carry around everywhere I go, not that it travels far. The extent of my enjoyment of the outside world is limited to what I can see from my room, so that has forced me to resort to looking out my window to my view of the forest for my daily dose of nature and turning on the holo screen for my source of information. My holo screen access is restricted, however, and Rue has reduced the number of channels we receive to two, so where I would generally get a slew of information from a multitude of different sources, I now get cartoons and a news broadcast in a language I can't even understand. I think it's safe to say I have no idea what's happening in the universe, especially since Rue won't tell me what's happening. Speaking of what's going on in the universe, I thought of the central power in the universe and how Rebel and I are in similar boats, both trapped under tyrannical rulers. However, hers is a bit more sinister than mine. I've been thinking a lot about Rebel lately. In fact, if I had a flower for every time I thought of her, I would have one because she has never left my mind. I haven't been able to shake the gut-wrenching, guilty feeling that I've abandoned her. I've been wondering if she's treated properly by Palpatine's staff, if she's safe and happy, and if she's settling into Senator life smoothly. All my ruminating over her led me to think about her tooka and how Kya was also missing a leg, and I wondered if I could do anything for her since I can't, at present, do anything personally for Rebel. As soon as Rue delivered my tools, I began constructing my idea, which is why there's a prosthetic prototype for a tooka's right front leg on my desk. I decided just this afternoon I was tired of being in the dark about what was happening around me. I resolved to secretly increase the channels we receive, which explains why I'm kneeling in front of the holo screen trying to reattach wires. "Yes!" I cheered, pumping my fists in the air as I heard the holo screen power up and instinctively glanced over at the door, crossing my fingers in hopes that no one had heard my exclamation and two shadows of feet wouldn't show up in the crack between the floor and the door where my only source of light, other than the window, was pouring in. After a few moments of inactivity, I figured I was in the clear and leaped to my feet as I pushed the stand the holo screen was on back against the wall. I snatched the remote from off the bed and pointed it at the screen, punching buttons frantically, and the device complied, switching to the channel corresponding to the buttons I'd pressed. I sighed contently, satisfied with myself and the job I'd done, as I sat in front of the holo screen and leaned back against the foot of the bed frame. I laid the remote in my lap with my legs stretched out in front of me as I watched the news, which was finally in a language I could understand, basic. The broadcast cut in during the middle of a segment, so I missed the beginning of the sentence the news anchor was in the process of saying. The latter part clarified the subject and was probably more important anyway. "…this past week, Senator Rebel is giving her first Senate address." I perked up instantly when I heard the reporter say her name and listened attentively to the rest of what he had to say. I discovered Rebel would present the speech she's been working on for the past week to the Senate this afternoon and glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall above the dresser. I can make it to Naboo before it starts if I leave right now, I realized with urgency as I sprung to my feet again. I have to be there for her. I don't care how impossible it seems. All I know is that I need to be there to witness this momentous occasion in her life personally. Her arch-nemesis will force her to speak publicly in the Senate Chambers to a group of imperial idolizing strangers whose ideals are so far the opposite to hers they may as well be on opposing sides of the galaxy. To top it all off, she doesn't even have her husband, sister, or brothers to cheer her on and support her. Not only do I want to be there, I need to be there. I want to be in her corner, someone she can count on. I want to be what a best friend should be. I shut the holo screen off to concentrate on formulating a plan for how to get there as I paced back and forth at the foot of the bed, stroking my chin with my forefinger and thumb. I can't let Rue know I'm going and request a ship from her to transport me to Naboo. With tensions between them high after the irreparable damage to their relationship due to their last fight and Rue's suspicions that I'm in love with Rebel, she would only enforce my lockdown more heavily. Therefore, I need to steal a ship and escape without her knowledge. First, though, I needed to find a way to escape this room before I could focus on contemplating how to leave the planet's atmosphere. I stopped pacing as the fringes of an idea formed and slowly raised my head to find myself face-to-face with the window, my only possible means of escape. I snapped my fingers together as the idea solidified, and I decided to shatter the glass even though I was on the second floor. I figured it wasn't too far of a jump, and I could stick the landing even though I'd never jumped out of a building before. I'd seen it in plenty of movies, though. It seemed simple enough. For once, I hoped the glass wasn't bulletproof as I opened the top drawer to my dresser and wrapped one of my undershirts around my fist to protect my skin from being sliced by the debris when and if I broke the window. I puffed out a deep breath as I stood with my back to the wall across from the window with my fist cocked, my fingers tensed around the shirt I used as a makeshift glove, and sprinted toward the window. I flung my clenched fist out and punched through the glass effortlessly, thankfully. Unfortunately, the momentum I had gained from sprinting was still propelling me forward since I'd expected the glass to be bulletproof and for the window to repel me with equally great force, so I ran through the now open hole in the wall, screaming as I fell two stories. To my surprise, I did not stick the landing and fell facedown on the ground, knocking the wind out of me. I lay there on the grass for a good two minutes, praying to the force no one had heard the sound of glass fracturing and had come running to the origin of the commotion to find the breach in the wall and looked down to see me sprawled out on the turf below. Once I could finally breathe normally again, I flattened my palms against the ground and used them to boost myself up, groaning as soreness plagued my various muscles. I tossed the shirt tangled around my fist to the ground and brushed all of the dirt, leaves, and blades of grass off myself. Slightly concussed, I stumbled and rubbed my temples in a circular motion with my fingers, feeling a headache impending already as my vision grew blurry. I squinted at the landing field I could perceive through a grove of wroshyr trees, striving to make out a ship on the horizon clearer. There was no way I could fly in this state, so I rubbed my eyes with my fists and slapped myself in the face. That seemed to do the trick. I whipped my head back and forth and raised my eyebrows as I snorted in disbelief that my solution had worked since my eyesight improved significantly. I sneakily jogged over to the ship in the distance and found it empty, but best of all, no one had locked it down. I smiled at my luck and began to board the transport but glanced over my shoulder, realizing something didn't feel right. I inferred it was because I hadn't said goodbye to the kids, which I quickly rectified by silently wishing them farewell in my head and blowing them a kiss, assuming they'd be up in the playroom entertaining themselves together at this hour. I pushed the button on the wall to my left to raise the ramp and settled into the pilot seat at the helm, programming the coordinates for Naboo as I took off. I landed the ship a considerable distance from the Senate building amid some perlote trees to hide the vessel from imperial patrol. I decided I needed a disguise for myself. I pressed the button on the wall beside the sliding closet door, and it hissed as it glided to the right into its socket in the wall. I huffed out a sigh of relief as a glorious sight greeted me. A plain, light brown cloak with wide sleeves and a deep hood to provide anonymity was hanging from a hook on the closet's left wall. I reached for it eagerly, slid my arms through the sleeves, wrapped the cloak around me, and spun around to inspect my appearance in the mirror, watching the ends swish around my ankles as I twirled. I observed that it was slightly too large for me as I tugged it tighter around my shoulders, and since it seemed to be a Jedi robe, it had to have either belonged to General Kenobi or Ahsoka, but there's no way either of them is bigger than me. Perhaps it was fashioned to be baggy for disguise purposes, which I, conveniently, need now. My only hope is that no one mistakes me for a Jedi. A childish grin started spreading across my face at the thought. Me, a Jedi. I realized I vaguely resembled a Jedi as I pulled the hood over my head and struck my best heroic pose, creating sound effects with my mouth. I quickly glanced around for onlookers as I felt embarrassment over my immaturity sinking in and cleared my throat, feeling mortified but grateful no one had seen me. Okay, Ash, focus. Remember why you're here; you'll be late to the hearing if you don't start heading inside now. I lowered the ramp with the lever on the wall and journeyed to the Senate building, smuggling myself inside amongst a crowd of spectators. I stepped onto an empty repulsor pod and sat as I waited for Rebel to emerge. I sat through what seemed like hours, but were probably only minutes, of boring senatorial jargon, blowing raspberries and tapping against the railing of my repulsor pod with my fingers as my head rested against the palm of my other hand, my elbow propped up against my knee before the real star of the show appeared. I nearly leaped out of my seat when the announcer finally said her name, and the Emperor's podium ascended from the center of the chamber, as did thousands of cheers. She eventually rose from where she was seated between Sawyer and Palpatine as soon as the podium had elevated to its full height and the Vice Chair had finished introducing her. However, she needed no introduction to the people of Naboo. They visibly already had plenty of love for her as it was, and so did I. I scooted to the edge of my seat and propped both elbows up on my knees as I supported my chin with the base of my palms, preparing to listen intently to her every word as she strode elegantly toward the front of the podium and the spotlight cast a shine on her already naturally glowing face. I sighed lovingly and felt my features soften as I stared at her magnificence, feeling myself swoon. I've missed her so much. Rebel examined the audience, squinting at the bright luminescence above as she lifted her head in humble curiosity of the crowd and waited for the ovation to die down with an expression of inquisitiveness on her face as if she couldn't understand she was what we were clapping for and that she deserves an applause for all of her accomplishments, not just this one. Once the cheers had finally started to dwindle and eventually subsided, she began addressing the Senate, speaking boldly about amending such atrocities and injustices as the blockade around Ryloth in her sophisticated, respectful, yet assertive tone. Every word of her mouth kept me captivated and enthralled to the end of her speech, and at the conclusion, I was probably the one who whooped and hollered the loudest as I sprang to my feet and blew out a shrill, congratulatory whistle with my fingers in my mouth. I could tell I had been the most boisterous attendee and that my cheers had been the noisiest because she directed her gaze to the exact spot I was standing as soon as I started clapping. A wide grin was present on her face since all the spectators were tossing Queen's Hearts at her in support of her, but it instantly vanished once she recognized me, and her jaw dropped in disbelief. Great, is my disguise that inefficient? Choosing to ignore my failure at hiding my identity for the moment since seeing Rebel was far more important to me, I nodded to her as verification that it was indeed me as I continued clapping. Her radiant smile returned and was perhaps more genuine now as she turned back to the crowd and subtly held one finger up to me to indicate she'd be with me in just a moment. I inhaled a shuddering breath, and a shiver ran through my body as I felt my heart rate increase at the prospect of conversing with her. It doesn't make sense. I've had plenty of conversations with Rebel before and never felt this way. Perhaps it's different now that I've realized my feelings for her, and I'm afraid I might blurt them out to her at any moment, and I don't know if she will reciprocate those feelings. She friend-zoned me the last time we were together, but maybe that was because she didn't know how I felt about her then. Kriff, I'd only just realized I had a crush on her the last time we talked. These feelings certainly felt like more than a crush, though. I whimpered when she waved farewell to the audience and disappeared as the podium descended to Palpatine's office below. I tried to remind myself that I'd see her momentarily as she had promised, but my heart didn't seem convinced since it had suffered from being separated from her for so long already, and it couldn't prepare itself for more distance between us. Meanwhile, the reminder that I'd see her soon kicked my brain into action as I reasoned I should fuss with my appearance while I waited for her and do my best to ensure I looked presentable. This awakening caused a brutal brawl between my heart and my brain. I grappled with which organ to side with. My heart compelled me to lean over the railing and search for Rebel. At the same time, my brain argued that I should be combing my hair with my fingers, which led me to alternate between peering over the edge of my repulsor pod and frantically running my fingers through my tangled curls as I paced back and forth, stressing out over a simple, friendly interaction with my best friend. As I groomed myself, I discovered a leaf still hidden underneath my disheveled locks from when I sustained my fall from my bedroom window and probably hit a few tree branches on the way down without realizing it. How am I this much of a mess? "Come on, Ash, get it together, man," I mumbled as I dropped the decaying leaf in my hand, watching it flutter to its destination on the ground. I have no idea how I'm able to survive on my own. I'm surprised Rebel even puts up with me as a friend. While on the subject of her, I wondered if she was close yet and decided to step out into the hallway to check, but as soon as I set foot inside the corridor, a swarm of Senators cramming the hallway greeted me. I immediately pulled my hood back over my head and the cloak tighter around my shoulders to conceal my identity, feeling exposed since my attire underneath the cloak was too civvie to be Senate-appropriate, and someone would certainly identify me as someone who didn't belong here if noticed. Thankfully, I was tall and able to see over the heads of most of the Senators and recognize the one Senator I did want to notice me. "Ash!" She called out, and I saw her gloved hand shoot up from among the crowd. My heart lodged in my throat, making it feel like I couldn't breathe, and my skin tingled at the sound of her voice. What is happening to me? I've never felt this way about anyone, not even Rue. I sprouted onto my tiptoes to search for her better and spotted a dip in the congested hallway where she stood, shorter than her peers. I smirked, jackpot. The mob suddenly parted, creating a direct path from me to her. When I saw her, I swear I heard angels singing. She stood a few feet before me, wearing an alluring but sensible, modest maroon dress with the most dazzling smile. The horde of Senators faded and blurred into the surroundings as I focused solely on Rebel. No one else mattered to me. "Rebel!" I addressed her excitedly as I bounced on my toes like a giddy teenager thrilled to see his girlfriend and held my arms up at my sides as an invitation for an embrace, bending my knees to dip down closer to her level so I was easier to hug. She giggled and bolted toward me, leaping into my arms as she collided with me so hard it knocked my hood off, but I couldn't be concerned with anything other than her. Nothing was detracting me from this moment. I wrapped my arms around her and swayed her side to side, her feet dangling a couple of inches above the ground. I closed my eyes to fully immerse myself in her being in my embrace. I took a deep breath, inhaling her aromatic scent, as I felt able to breathe for the first time in forever, even though I limited the amount of air reaching my lungs by squeezing her tighter and compressing my chest against hers, holding her so close I thought I might break her ribs. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" My voice came out sounding strained due to my lack of oxygen. I set her down and grasped her by the waist as I held her out at arm's length to examine her more thoroughly, evaluating her for signs of mistreatment. She had lost weight and now had a distinct hourglass figure, but her body shape didn't matter to me. That wasn't what I loved about her. It was her qualities I was most intrigued by. Although, her beauty alone was enough to enamor me fully. She was standing in front of me looking gorgeous, spectacular, flawless, looking like the woman of my dreams, and the only word I could think of to describe her was great. "You look great!" Stupid, idiot, moron. I could think of a few adjectives to describe myself. That was my chance to tell her how exquisite she looked, and I blew it! I'm such a dummy! Truthfully, no words adequately encapsulate Rebel's beauty, but there were better ones than great! I wanted to smack myself in the forehead with my palm, hoping Rebel would call me an imbecile or one of her other affectionate nicknames for me. That would satisfy an urge out of my reach, but she thanked me instead. "Thank you!" I realized my hands had lingered on her waist for far too long to be interpreted as a friendly greeting since they'd been there since I'd set her down and were still there as she snaked her palms up my arms to grope my biceps. "What's with the Jedi robe?" She asked as she stared at it and cocked her head, stroking the bumpy, coarse fabric of the cloak with her thumbs. I realized I'd unintentionally been flexing for her when I went to raise my arms to point to the robe for verification and found them stiff and tense. I hoped the rigidity in my arms hadn't traveled down to my hands, and I hadn't been squeezing Rebel's hips too tightly. "This?" I asked for clarification as I pointed to the cloak around my shoulders with both hands since I'd gotten distracted from the question by internally rebuking myself for showing off. She nodded in response as she looked back into my eyes with her wide, empathetic hazel ones. She raised an eyebrow at me and waved her hand as she regarded me with confusion. "Oh," I jumped, realizing a significant amount of time must've passed since my question, and now without a word. I must've gotten lost in her eyes, and she'd had to jolt me back to reality. "This is my disguise." I decided to prove just how inconspicuous I could be with it on as I pulled the hood back over my head and made my most obscure facial expression. "Oh, very sneaky," she teasingly praised my unskillful attempt at secrecy as she clapped her hands silently. "I know, right?" I pretended to believe she was being sincere as I childishly showed her how long the sleeves were on me by extending my arms out on either side of me and flapping them up and down like a bird as the loose fabric wobbled beneath my arms. She chuckled at my immaturity and shook her head as she rose on her tiptoes to reach up and pull the hood off my head again. Does she actually want to see my face? I shouldn't read too much into it. Maybe she likes to have face-to-face conversations with people in general. While she was still on her tiptoes and her hands were still up by my head, she unexpectedly wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. She kissed my cheek! Okay, I'm never going to wash my face again, not after the lips of an angel have touched it. She slid away from me to set her feet flat against the floor again while I grinned like a fool who had never experienced affection before. I pressed my palm against my flaming cheek to preserve the feeling of her soft, plump lips on my skin and to hide the blush creeping up my neck to my face. I jabbed the fingers of my other hand into the back of my hand that was already on my cheek to apply more pressure and allow the kiss to penetrate my skin and seep into my soul. Perhaps it was only a senatorial custom to greet acquaintances with a kiss on the cheek, but if it was the only kiss I'd ever get from her, you better believe I would savor it. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she gestured to me up and down and placed the knuckles of her fists on her hips, either utterly oblivious to my reaction or ignoring it. It was difficult not to stutter as I answered since the smooch still had me in a daze. "Are you kidding me?" I asked rhetorically and dropped my hands back down to my sides. "I wouldn't miss your first Senate speech for the world!" I could think of several other reasons I was here too. I wanted to see her, and her picture on the holo screen wasn't sufficient enough. "Plus, I missed you, "I admitted bashfully as I lightly brushed her arm with my fingertips and shrugged my shoulders, shoving my hands into the cloak's pockets. "Aww," she cooed appreciatively and swayed herself from side to side, causing her dress to swish as she pinched its frill. "Be honest," she insisted, giving my chest a gentle slap and shoving me backward as an incentive to be impartial by offering me a sample of what would happen if I wasn't. "How was it?" She asked anxiously and started gnawing on her nails as if she were prepared for me to tell her how terrible it was. Here's my chance to redeem myself for the fiasco of understating her beauty earlier. "Rebel, you were amazing up there," I said in my most trustworthy tone as I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned down to her level for our eyes to lock so she'd be even more inclined to believe me. I watched her cheeks flush at the flattery and smirked at my words' impact on her. She has the same effect on me but with a simple look. Any time her eyes even glance in my direction, I feel flattered. I'm privileged that she even acknowledges my presence, let alone to be her friend, her best one at that. "They'd be insane not to remove that blockade from around Ryloth," I continued, gesturing inside the Senate Chamber from where I'd just emerged as I assured her of the impression her speech would make and thought of specific elements of her appeal to commend her on. "And using your personal experience was genius." I leaned away from her, straightened up, and reluctantly removed my hands from her shoulders. "Thank you." She rocked back and forth on her heels and nibbled her lower lip adorably. I wish she wouldn't do that. It makes me fall in love with her ten times harder. I can't be in love with her, though. She has a newlywed husband; I have a pregnant wife. To distract myself from my forbidden feelings toward her, I mentioned why her husband was absent from this momentous occasion in her life and why I had arrived alone. "I would've brought Benji, but the last time I saw him was the last time you saw him." What I said intrigued her, and she tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?" She asked, and I realized this was more of a sit-down conversation, and to fully explain my situation, I needed privacy. "We need to talk," I whispered ominously, leaned toward her again, and glanced around for eavesdroppers. "Do you mind if I take you out for a celebratory lunch?" I asked as I tilted my head toward the exit and held my hand out, hoping she'd take it so I could lead her to the door. However, she didn't, probably because she already knew the location of the exit and didn't need a guide, and had transportation already, but I still thought I'd offer. "Sure! That sounds great," she consented enthusiastically, nodded vehemently, and kept her hands pinned behind her back as a clear sign that she wouldn't be taking my hand, so I embarrassedly and disappointedly dropped it down my side. "Do you need help getting out of here?" I asked quietly in case she was being held hostage here and quickly offered a means of escape through me if she couldn't answer that first question truthfully. "Do you wanna hitch a ride with me?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, I begged internally as I mentally crossed my fingers. Anything to spend more time with her. "No, I'm okay." Blast it, I cursed internally, striving not to let my disappointment appear on my face. "Thank you." She politely extended her thanks. The next question I planned to ask her was where we should eat since we weren't going together and couldn't collaborate on a decision, but she answered it before I could even open my mouth. "Meet me at the restaurant we ate at when the kids were babies," she instructed as her palm slithered up and down my arm. I wished I didn't have this cloak on and she wasn't wearing gloves so that I could feel her soft skin against mine. Snap out of it. I scolded myself as I emerged from my trance. "Will do." I winked, unable to help myself from flirting with her as I made my voice lower and deeper. "See you there." I lazily saluted her with two fingers. What in the blazes was that?! I'm definitely off my game. She giggled, though, whether out of politeness or genuine amusement; I didn't know, but I decided to focus on the positive. I made her laugh. We simultaneously turned our backs on each other and headed in opposite directions. Eventually, after wandering through the jungle of perlote trees for a long time, I finally found my ship again. In hindsight, I should've noted where I landed and memorized my way back to it. Rebel was going to beat me to the restaurant. I just hoped she hadn't been waiting for me long when I finally arrived and burst through the door, swiveling my head frantically in search of her as I ignored the hostess's continuous attempts to grab my attention and ask me if I had a reservation. There was only one person I deemed worthy of my attention now and ever, and she was sitting a few tables away from me and waving at me as she sat up straight in her booth. I waved back at her, swinging my hand side to side so rapidly I was certain it couldn't even be identified as a hand anymore, just a blur of movement. I hastily shoved past the hostess and slid into the booth across from Rebel, noticing she'd already ordered me a glass of water. Either that or the servers bring it complementarily, but I chose to believe she'd specifically requested it for me because it would mean she'd been thinking about me. "What do we need to talk about?" She asked, getting right down to business as she reached for her condensating glass of ice water and took a sip. Rather than dive straight into revealing the upsetting news that her sister had now become my warden, I decided to begin with some happy news. Besides, the news could be a contributing factor as to why Rue is acting so peculiarly. "Well, I'm sure Rue told you she was pregnant," I speculated as I gestured toward Rebel, and she nodded as she placed her cup back down on the condensation ring it'd made on the wooden tabletop. Her face was expressionless as if she were prepared to receive either good or bad news since she was probably aware of what had happened with the last pregnancy. "It's a boy," I announced, smiling as I extracted the photographic proof from my pocket and slid the ultrasound image across the table's surface toward her. She gasped and cupped her hands over her nose and mouth as her eyes darted between me and the picture. "Oh, Ash." She removed her hands from over her mouth to speak coherently and let them rest over her heart as she studied the photo with teary eyes. She fanned her face with both hands to dry the tears enough to inspect the image thoroughly, picking it up off the table. "Congratulations!" She squealed, raising her shoulders excitedly. "Thank you." I bowed my head appreciatively, and she sighed, satisfied after completing her examination, and slid the picture back across the table toward me. "When is she due?" She asked as she placed her hands in her lap. "One week," I automatically answered as I peeled the photo off the tabletop and maneuvered it back into my pocket. I provided additional detail about the baby's due date that I found most noteworthy. "The due date is my birthday exactly." I poked myself in the chest with my thumb proudly and lifted my glass off the table to take a swallow. "That's amazing!" She exclaimed. "It's pretty neat," I agreed as I nodded and set my glass back down. "How is she?" She inquired about her sister, leaning forward attentively and gripping the table's edge with her fingers as her brow furrowed in concern. I sighed, grateful she'd presented me with the opportunity to discuss Rue's odd behavior herself but hesitant to ruin her perspective of her sister. A sea of emotion waged war inside me, but ultimately the one that prevailed was the one that compelled me to be honest with Rebel, my affection for her. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," I said dismally and leaned forward, propping my forearms on the table and interlocking my fingers. I glanced around for eavesdroppers and lowered my voice to a hush. "Ever since she took me back to the rebellion, she's been intent on keeping me there," I explained. "She's kept me confined to my room, I haven't seen anyone besides her and the kids since I got back, and she limited my holo screen access to only a few channels," I listed off my grievances to her, which inevitably led me to think about the reason I hadn't escaped to see her earlier. "So I only found out about your speech recently," I mumbled apologetically. However, she brushed my apology off with a flick of her wrist, letting it slide as she had done with so many things in her life when she could easily hold grudges, complain, and demand justice for herself. It reminded me of how wrong Rue was for possibly finding fault with her. She hadn't been like that when I first met her. At least, I hadn't thought so. Perhaps a veil preventing me from seeing Rue's flaws had finally been removed from my eyes now that I fully appreciate Rebel for all she is, and Rue has always treated her sister this unfairly. Maybe Rebel's reaction to my confusion would give me an inclination as to whether or not she's always been this way. "I don't know what's gotten into her." I shook my head cluelessly, and she reached forward and squeezed my forearms as she comforted me with a sympathetic expression. "I have something I need to give to you," she suddenly confessed, and I raised an eyebrow, intrigued, as she gave my arms a final squeeze and leaned back against the booth before reaching into the pocket on the side of her dress. I boosted myself up off the seat curiously and leaned over the table to peer over the edge where her lap was. She extracted a carefully folded piece of pristine white paper that appeared as if it had been treasured and preserved and sighed as she glanced up at me, somehow unfazed that I was suddenly much closer to her than before. "It was delivered here the day after you returned to the rebellion." She clutched the folded sheet tightly, creasing the paper slightly and causing it to bend from the pressure of her grip. "I've held onto it for you ever since and have never opened it." She shook her head and extended her arm toward me, offering me the compact square of paper. I glanced down at it unsurely. I've never received a letter in my life. I have no idea who or where it could be from or what it might contain. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst, and gently pulled on the corner of the paper sticking out from Rebel's fingers, transferring it from her hand to mine. I sat back down and unfolded it with trembling hands, fretting it might be from Ord Mantell informing me my father had died since my mother was no longer alive to tell me that sort of thing, and I wasn't sure if Daisy knew how to contact me via holoprojector or not. What I was about to read changed my life.
Dear Dad,
Hello, my name is Asyr. You don't know who I am, but you're my father. I've been searching for you for years, and finally, on my tenth birthday, my mom decided to tell me who you were. After some digging, I found out you were staying at the castle, so I sent you a letter. Mom told me not to expect a response, so I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'd like to meet you sometime if you're interested. Coincidentally, I live on Naboo too! Below is my mom's holoprojector frequency. Her name is Haneli.
Sincerely, your daughter.
"Oh…my…force," I said slowly, pausing between each word as I slumped in my seat and read the note repeatedly to prove its existence to myself. My palm slid down my face, readjusting my blurring vision as I swayed, feeling unsteady, and gripped the table's edge for support. My knees wobbled as if I'd been standing for a long period. "I think I need to sit down," I blurted out unconsciously as my mind was still preoccupied with the words on the page. "Ash, you are sitting down," Rebel informed me as she chuckled amusedly at my stupidity, but not even the enchanting sound of her laughter could persuade me to pry my eyes away from the letter. I sat in silence with my hand over my mouth, allowing my brain to process this weighty information as a torrent of emotions surged through me. I'd always been careful before I met Rue, but I'd also always been either drunk or high or both or just plain stupid. I'd often conveyed my concerns to Sawyer about the potential children I could've fathered and how I'd have no way of knowing whether or not they'd existed. I'd have no say in their lives or even if they lived, and they'd have no idea they had a father out there who loved and cared for them, but after years without being told I had sired an illegitimate child, I'd given up on it being a possibility. I had always wanted to be informed if I had children I knew nothing about since I've loved kids since Daisy was born, but now that it was happening, I couldn't fathom the next step. I certainly hadn't expected to be informed this way, a decade after the fact and by the child herself. I wanted to meet her, though. She seems sweet, eager to meet me, and she's named after me, whether she or her mother realizes it. I have no memory of her mother whatsoever, so I don't recall if I'd told her my mother named me after the very flower Asyr shares her name with, but if I had, it was a good sign her mother respected me enough to name her child after me. It may have simply been a coincidence, which was more likely considering the women I've been with, but at least she remembered me and considered me worthy enough to permit her daughter to contact me. She didn't regard me very highly, though, since she assumed I wouldn't reply. I'd temporarily proved her right, but that was because I wasn't aware of the letter's existence until now. As the silence thickened the longer I mulled over the information I'd just received, Rebel leaned toward me in concern and reached her hand out toward mine, inching it closer but never actually touching my skin as she laid her palm face down on the tabletop near mine. "What is it?" She asked faintly, picking up on my apprehension as she tuned into my emotions and studied my facial expression. "Are you okay?" She pried further when I didn't answer. Her tone had shifted from one of mockery to one of sympathy. "I-" I looked up as I started to answer, but was met face to face with the person I love most in the universe and realized I couldn't confide what information this letter held to her out of fear she might think I still behaved as did that idiotic teenager who had gotten this woman pregnant. She'd never look at me the same way again, with such tender compassion that it makes my heart want to burst and overflow with love for her so much that it pours out of my mouth, and she learns exactly how I feel. I couldn't bear the contemptuous glower I'd receive from her as soon as I told her what this letter contained. I began to conjure up a false depiction of the words on the page, although I was not quick on my feet. The plan, combined with my lack of wit, resulted in my remaining to sit in a stupor, only now idiotically mouthing words that did not exist. Thankfully, a distraction presented itself at just the proper time when I felt a vibration against my thigh originating from inside my pocket. I snapped my jaw shut and held one finger up to Rebel as I reached into my pants pocket with the other hand and pulled out my datapad with a message displayed on the screen that I could recite as it had been written, unlike the letter. "Rue's having the baby!" I shouted the message I'd received from Rex aloud to the entire restaurant, packed with spectators who could attest to my outburst as I fumbled with the datapad, almost dropping it in shock. Once I'd restored my firm grip on the datapad, I cringed at the realization of the scene I'd made with the sudden volume of my voice disrupting the peaceful stillness of the establishment and out of fear of the extent of trouble I'd be in with Rue for missing the birth of our son. A million scenarios raced through my mind of what might occur when they discovered I wasn't in my room, more accurately, my cell, to be released for a few moments to witness this momentous occasion. None were worse, though, than the possibility that Rue would forbid me from ever seeing Rebel again. Just the thought made me shiver. I pictured the disappointment and exasperation on Rue's face and the contortions of pained expressions during her contractions. It didn't compel me to hurry to her side to be with her and comfort her so she didn't experience any more disappointment. It instead made me want to remain here with Rebel, where the expression on her face when she first saw me conveyed the exact opposite of disappointment. She had been so pleased to see me. I didn't want to leave her now, especially not because of Rue, making it appear I prioritized her over Rebel. "Well, why are you still sitting here with me?!" She asked rhetorically, gesturing toward the door. "Go!" She commanded, pointing at it. With extreme reluctance, I realized she was right. If I stayed here, they'd come searching for me, hunt me down, and possibly put out a bounty for me, endangering Rebel if the bounty hunter discovered me with her since there was no telling who they'd send after me. Plus, I wasn't only returning home because of Rue. I also had kids at home, and my newborn son didn't deserve the absence of a father just because his mother wasn't the one I was truly in love with. Still, I felt intensely guilty for abandoning her for my family for a second time when I know she needs me more than they do. "I'm so sorry!" I apologized as I hesitantly slid out of the booth and hastily stuffed the note into my pocket. "Don't apologize. Just leave!" She ordered, urging me toward the door by hand gestures while refusing to make eye contact. Once I'd eventually risen to my feet and stood beside our table, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself and stared at the divider to her right, managing to continue avoiding my gaze. I certainly didn't feel comfortable racing out of there without offering her some compensation for securing a table for us and holding it for us even though I was late. The only thing I had of value was what my wallet had left in it. I reached into my pocket and extracted my wallet, opening it up and dumping what remained into my palm. I had already planned on paying for our meal anyway, and that was something she wasn't talking me out of. "Here, let me at least pay," I explained what the credits were for as I laid them down on the table and folded my wallet closed, shoving it back into my pocket. "Ash, we didn't even order anything," she objected to my attempt at paying as she leaned back against the booth disappointedly, finally looking up at me and dropping her arms to her sides, slapping them against the booth cushion exasperatedly. Just because I was leaving didn't mean she couldn't enjoy a meal. I even encouraged and invited her to by giving her the means to do so. "Well, get something on me!" I enticed her to accept my gift by motioning toward the credits piled on the table. "Ash-" She began to protest once more, shaking her head as she reached across the table and cupped her palms over the mound of credits, pushing them back in my direction. Ideally, she should've been thrilled with the opportunity to dine privately without my presence affecting her experience. "Just take my money," I insisted sternly, interrupting her before she could refuse as I placed my palm, which was the size of both of hers combined, over the back of hers and slid the credits back toward her across the table while her hands were still on top of them. Normally, I wouldn't cut her off because I know how much she despises when someone silences her. I only did so when it was necessary. For instance, when she was apologizing, regardless of the circumstance, or rejecting an act of generosity. She sighed defeatedly and slumped her shoulders as she exhaled, and I smirked, knowing I'd won her over. I glanced down at my hand still on top of hers, savoring the warmth that radiated from them, and gazed longingly at the gloves she was wearing that hid the skin of her hands from me, although I imagined it was just as kissable as the rest of her was. From my observations at the castle and my frequent holo screen viewings, I knew kissing a woman's hand was a gentlemanly practice. I also remembered she'd kissed my cheek earlier. How could I forget? Surely then, I could kiss her hand without rousing suspicion. She gave me another nudge toward the exit, jutting her chin out toward it and raising her eyebrows meaningly. "Bye." I lifted one of her hands to my mouth and kissed the back of it quickly, stepping back to restrain myself from giving her a thousand kisses, and bolted toward the door. When I reached the exit and placed my hands on the metal bar in the center of the door to push it open, I yelled over my shoulder, "I love you! I'll see you!" I blew her a kiss and opened the door as a small bell rang over my head that I hadn't realized had been there when I first entered because of my frenzy to find Rebel. "Bye! Good luck!" She hollered back at me, cupping one hand around the side of her mouth to carry her voice and using the other to wave at me. Well, I couldn't just leave her hanging. I leaned back inside the restaurant to peek at her through the gap between the closing door and the door jam and thanked her before actually parting ways. "Thank you!" It wasn't until I was seated at the front of my ship and had initiated the flight sequence that I began to review the last conversation I'd had with Rebel in my mind. Did I tell Rebel I loved her?!