Okay, calm down. Don't panic; maybe she didn't hear you. Of course, she heard you, you idiot. You shouted it so loud the entire restaurant could hear. However, the thought of broadcasting to the entire universe that I was in love with Rebel didn't frighten me. It excited me. It made me feel weightless and free, like I would finally be releasing myself from the burden of hiding the secret that surrounded my every thought and action. I could finally stop tiptoeing around the truth. What did frighten me, though, was what Rebel's reaction to my confession would be. I didn't care if anyone else considered it immoral in their opinion. If I'm being honest, my heart had severed its bond with Rue long before I realized my affection for Rebel, and I'd never had as deep of a connection with Rue as I have with Rebel. Rue and I are just too different. When I first met her, I assumed she'd be perfect for me since she was my polar opposite, but the cliche that opposites attract had hoodwinked me into devoting complete faith to it. All too late, I realized I needed to have some similarities with the person I decided to spend the rest of my life with. When I'm with Rue, I always strive to be on my best behavior, and that's not my default personality. However, with Rebel, I feel like I can relax and be my naturally goofy self around her and tease her without offending her. My first date with Rue mainly consisted of my flirtatious attempts to make her giggle and blush. I was obsessed with it because I'd never made a girl blush before that moment. All the women I'd been with previously were already accustomed to being sweet-talked, so my advances rarely ever had the same effect on them. I remember taking Rebel to lunch a few days after my first date with Rue, just the two of us, to discuss my intentions with Rue and ask for Rebel's permission to propose since it seemed appropriate. She was fiercely protective of her older sister. Plus, since my marriage to Rue would make Rebel and I related, I wanted to get to know her better and cultivate a friendly relationship with her. Rebel and I just clicked instantly. I've only ever felt that comfortable around one other person, Sawyer. That was the moment I knew we'd be fast friends. There was instant banter between us, and I wasn't focused on any one thing in particular as we shared a meal. All my attention was on her, not the feeling I got from her. I needed to go back and see her to confront my fear of discovering how she felt about my confession. However, I didn't know whether or not I'd be allowed once Rue finds out where I've been, and she would inevitably find out since her curiosity would prompt her to ask. I'll tell her the truth because I'm not ashamed of where I've been, and I won't taint my relationship with Rebel with a lie and pretend I've done something shameful by visiting her. Above all, Rebel is my friend, and I have a right to see her. As for the feelings I have towards her, I will leave that up to personal opinion to decide whether or not those are lawful, but in my mind, nothing that wrong can feel this right, and it's not anyone else's business to judge my personal feelings anyway. I only care about how Rebel feels about them. Time to find out what types of hurdles I'll need to jump over this time to escape and see Rebel. I've already stalled long enough by stopping to purchase a balloon and flowers on my way back to the rebellion to avoid this confrontation for as long as possible. The baby had probably already been born by now. I inhaled a deep breath and held it in my inflated cheeks as I stepped through the doorway to Rue's quarters inside the med bay with the string attached to the balloon in one hand and the bouquet clutched in my other hand. I entered to see Rue sitting up in her gurney and gazing at the baby in the cradle to her right with her hand dangling beside him, gently brushing the backside of her fingers against his arm comfortingly. "Hey, Mama," I greeted as I released my breath, and she looked up at me and gave me a weary half-smile. Her hair was messy, and a few strands dampened by sweat clung to her forehead as her eyes drooped tiredly. I walked over to her bedside table, placed the flowers on top of it, and securely tied the string to the balloon around the knob of the drawer. "How are you feeling?" My heart ached for her when I thought about the hours of agony she'd just endured to bring a life into this universe, a life I contributed to creating. I wished I could've undergone the pain instead. He was half my son, so it seemed only fair that I should've been at least present and involved in witnessing his birth. I reaped all the rewards of parenthood without ever experiencing hardly any of the suffering. At the same time, the force bestowed that unpleasant aspect of child-rearing entirely upon Rue, yet the kids still favored me. It felt unfair and as if I was lying by calling them my children since I hadn't sustained any permanent physical pain accompanying their existence to deserve the privilege of owning them. I hoped as the kids got older, they'd learn to appreciate and honor their mother for the sacrifices she has made for them. Rue is still the mother of my children, and I love, care for, and respect her for that, just not in the same way I love, care for, and respect Rebel. I respect Rue because I must because it's the natural, reasonable, decent thing to do. However, I willingly, voluntarily, and eagerly seek ways to respect Rebel for the hardships, atrocities, and torment she has overcome. I'd comply with Rue's demands to an extent out of obligation. However, I'll follow Rebel to the ends of the universe, knowing exactly why every fiber of my being desperately yearns to pursue her with every step. "Fine," Rue answered with indifference as she glanced back at our son and combed her fingers through her tangled hair before quickly introducing the next subject, displaying no intention of reciprocating the question toward me. "Ash, this baby is definitely yours." She pointed to him, reviving the issue of his paternity, which no longer mattered to me. It was so long ago and seemed so insignificant to me now that I can't even remember why the thought of his father being anyone besides me had bothered me in the first place. I can't even recall exactly how the possibility had made me feel. Those emotions, just like my feelings for Rue, had vanished. He's my son, regardless of his parentage, and I'm prepared to raise him and love him as such, just as I have with Kai. "He's heavy," she groaned exhaustedly, perhaps mentally revisiting the agony of giving birth to him as she commented on the features he and I had in common as babies. "And just look at all that hair!" She gestured wildly to his head at the mop of unruly black curls mirroring mine, and I chuckled guiltily since those traits had undoubtedly been inherited from me if he was indeed my offspring. From my mother's stories, I was a rather substantial baby, her heaviest child by far, and I had been born with a full head of hair. The similarities my son and I shared as newborns were uncanny. It was an undeniable fact that he looked identical to the pictures of me as an infant. She seemed eager to gloat and wasn't displaying any signs of being willing to abandon the subject by her decree, so I decided to bring up a new topic. One she couldn't possibly argue with me on. "I'm so proud of you." I laced my words with praise, injecting them with flattery until they were dripping, oozing with adoration that I no longer felt for her naturally as I stroked her hair. "You did so well." Truthfully, I was proud of her. Any healthy child's successful birth is praiseworthy and, certainly, something to celebrate, but that's just it. The words felt forced and somewhat rehearsed. As if I were fulfilling someone else's duties by reciting them, someone else being my old self or, more accurately, someone who loved her. Her eyes wandered down to her lap as she shrugged her shoulders. "I wish you had been here," she lamented as she slowly raised her face again to meet mine and made her baby blue eyes sag as her bottom lip pouted with only one goal in mind, to earn an apology from me, but I wasn't naive enough to surrender so easily. I had done nothing wrong by escaping to see Rebel. It wasn't an act of disloyalty to Rue. Besides, she should've been there herself to cheer her sister on. "I know. Me too." I nodded contritely, simply agreeing with her that I wished I could've been there too, for him, so I could be the second person he touched. Hopefully, I still would be. Her eyes seemed to lose their innocent shimmer as her features hardened, and she glared at me in contempt, realizing her expression wouldn't sway me. "You know," she scoffed, shaking her head at her lap, "You could've told me if you wanted out," she stated with simplicity as if she hadn't made it impossible even to see my children without her permission. "You didn't have to break a window," she grumbled, crossing her arms as if she were more bothered by the fact that I had broken the window than concerned about the possibility I could've hurt myself in my desperate attempt to escape. "Could I have, Rue?" I asked condescendingly, removing my fingers from her hair and resting my hands on my hips. "It doesn't seem like it. You haven't let me out of my room since I got here," I said exhaustedly, which I thought would make obvious the unfairness of my situation. However, I could tell by her self-righteous expression and squinted eyes as she whipped her head up to look at me; she was determined to defend herself. "Well, can you blame me? You keep disappearing on me!" She accused, lifting her arms and allowing them to fall limply in her lap. Of course, it was my fault. I should've seen it coming. No matter the circumstance, she always finds a way to blame someone else. "First, it was for three years when you went to search for Rebel," I could tell by the way she spat out her sister's name, informing Rue of where I had just been wouldn't come without punishment. "Then it was for your mother's funeral," I couldn't help but guffaw at that accusation. She expected me to miss my mother's funeral?! "Then you were kidnapped and taken back to Naboo," I raked my fingers through my hair out of exasperation from dealing with this stubborn woman. "And now you were gone to force knows where, so excuse me for wanting to protect you!" She raised her voice, tears beading in the corners of her eyes as she scooched to the edge of her cot, distancing herself from me. I sighed, realizing that though she may be manipulating me into making me want to stay, the tears were real, and I'd made a vow to her that I'd stay by her side, and I had failed. "Honey," I knelt beside her bed, taking her small hand in mine. "I understand, and I can respect you wanting to keep me safe," I attempted to relate to her as she finally looked over at me, her eyes still misty. "But I'm not going anywhere without you again." I made her an empty promise. Those words had no purpose other than to alleviate her worries temporarily, so it would be easier for me to slip out next time unhindered. I placed the palm of my other hand on hers, peered deeply into her eyes to seem as trustworthy as possible, and squeezed her hand tightly. "I promise." That was a blatant lie, but I could live with letting Rue down. What I couldn't live with was letting Rebel down. "How can you promise me that?" She asked doubtfully, drying her eyes with her free hand. "After our first fight, you promised me we'd never spend a single night apart." Little did she know that had been an empty promise too. Nothing had been the same since Sawyer had taken Rebel away to live at the castle on Naboo, and I realized how much I missed her and needed her in my life. "Do you know how many nights we've spent apart now? Do you know how many nights I've cried myself to sleep?" She interrogated, gesturing erratically. "No, you don't!" She yelled, answering for me as she yanked her hand out of my grasp and folded her arms again, turning her face away. I squeezed my eyelids shut, thinking of what the old Ash might say before replying. "I remember every single night we've spent apart, and I look back on all of them with an insane amount of regret, but you have to believe me when I say that'll never happen again." She had to. It was the only way to make her trust me enough to let me go. "Well then," she sniffled, turning to face me again. "Where were you?" She asked the dreaded question. I hesitated to tell her the truth since I'd just gotten her to calm down, but I knew if I didn't, the results of my deception would be even worse. "I-I went to see Rebel's first Senate speech," I stuttered, gazing at the floor since it would no doubt be a far more welcoming sight than Rue's reaction to that information. "You missed the birth of our son for that stupid hag?!" She hollered. "Don't call her that!" I leaped to my feet and thrust a disapproving finger toward her face. "You do love her! I knew it!" She pointed back at me, tears forming once again. "I do not love her!" I shot back in denial as I shook my head wildly. However, that was another outright lie. I was certain my crimson cheeks made the untruth entirely transparent, so I changed the subject, adding another reason for her to be furious with me and hopefully shift focus onto it and away from Rebel. "Look," I massaged my temple. "I know this may not be the best time for this, but I got some pretty shocking news, and I just need to get it off my chest." I gestured to my chest and out to the open symbolically before huffing heartily. She gazed up at me with sarcastic expectancy as she situated her hands in her lap, seeming doubtful I had anything of interest to say. Force, was I about to prove her wrong. "I have a daughter," I confessed hurriedly and, in one breath, eager to prove I was not being theatrical. Instead of the highly anticipated shocked expression I'd hoped to ascertain from her, I was greeted by pure confusion as she glanced around the room, her eyebrows furrowed as if searching for someone else to confirm my insanity. "Yeah, I know you do." She looked back at me, concluding we were the only two in the room except for our newborn son. "With me," she pointed to herself emphatically, jabbing her finger into her chest. "Her name is Ria. She's four years old, or did you forget that too?" She asked disparagingly with a slightly pouting lip and babyish tone as if she were talking down to a small child whom she pitied. "No, with someone else." I got a stinging nip of evil, twisted pleasure from the hurt look on her face. "Her name is Asyr. She's ten years old." I spewed more details about her, proving her existence. Rue's wounded expression gradually morphed into confusion as she recovered from the shock. "I just found out about her today," I said, absolving her puzzlement about why I had only elected to tell her about Asyr now. "She sent me a letter saying she wants to meet me, and I've decided to meet her," I explained how I discovered her and clearly stated I would meet her, not leaving it open to debate. Rue's confusion melted away and transformed into outrage. I could barely keep up with the tides of her emotions. "And you thought now was the best time to tell me?!" She roared. "I know," I conceded, subconsciously taking a step back and displaying my palms to her in self-defense. "I know it's bad timing." I agreed with her, attempting to ease the tension. "I just didn't know when else to tell you," I said, shaking my head and shrugging. "No," she authoritatively declared, whipping her head back and forth as if it was up to her. "You will not go meet your child that you had with some other woman! I forbid it!" She crossed her forearms in the shape of an x in front of her chest and pried them apart forcefully, her gaze eventually landing on our son once she stopped shaking her head. "I don't think that's entirely your call to make-" I began to say, but she interrupted me. "Something's not right," she said ominously in a hushed tone. "What?" I asked exasperatedly, tossing my hands in the air and rolling my eyes, assuming she was changing the subject so she could have the last word. This conversation was far from over, though. "Something's wrong with the baby," she said, louder this time. "He's not waking up. Any normal baby would wake up with all of this noise." I rolled my eyes again since all the noise came from her end. I had been speaking at a perfectly reasonable volume that wouldn't have woken the baby. She glanced back at me, her eyes implying that I should do something since he was out of her arm's reach, and she was in no condition to stand up and walk to him as of yet. I sighed and silently padded over to his cradle, reaching in to pick him up. As I'd suspected, he began wailing as soon as I removed him from his bassinet's comfort, safety, and warmth. "Aww, shh, shh, shh," I shushed, attempting to soothe and lull him back to sleep as I secured him to my chest and bounced with him in my arms. "He seems fine, Rue," I assured her she was being paranoid. "No," she disregarded my assurance, stubbornly relying on instinct. "Something's wrong," she insisted. "2B!" She called for the medical droid, generating more noise and making the baby's cries even louder as he competed for dominance, requiring all attention be on him. "Yes, Commander?" 2B made his presence known as he arrived in the doorway, loyally responding to his master's summon. "I'm worried about the baby." She pointed to the child in my arms. "He didn't wake up when there was a lot of commotion in the room." I glared at her since she had conveniently omitted that she had been the source of the commotion. "I will scan him again," 2B complied, nodding and snatching my son from my arms. As he exited the room, I sat in a chair and sighed, disappointed they'd prevented me from interacting with my son after he'd already experienced the absence of a father for too long. I speculated this was all probably nonsense anyway, designed to distract me from other matters and force me to stay here longer. I heard rustling to my left and turned toward the sound, seeing Rue leaning her back off the raised headboard propping her up, softly groaning as she swung her legs off the side of the cot and stood. She began pacing by the foot of the bed, gnawing nervously on her fingernails. "Rue, I'm sure he's gonna be fine." I attempted to alleviate her worries, but she took my faith in his good health as if I were telling her a lie. "You don't know that," she snapped as she glowered at me and resumed pacing. "The results came back," 2B announced as he entered the room with a much calmer, quieter baby than the one he'd left with. Rue stopped pacing and perked up, listening intently to the outcome of the scan. "I am afraid I have some upsetting news for both of you." I shot out of the chair, suddenly extremely interested in what he had to share. "Your son is deaf." My heart fell to the floor as I comprehended what he said. My son would never hear my voice, the voices of his siblings, his mother's singing, his own giggles, the powerful roar of a ship's engine coming to life, the satisfying crunch of autumn leaves beneath his feet, the sweet sound of puppies learning to howl, the harmonic melody of music. In an instant, all of life's treasures that I had previously taken for granted were now the most important, and he'd been robbed of ever experiencing them. "What?" Rue screeched, jolting me back to the present. "I apologize for failing to detect it on my initial scan," 2B said as remorsefully as his robotic voice could. Rue gasped and slapped her palm against her chest. I stepped closer and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, assuming she was feeling all the same emotions I was experiencing. "Don't touch me!" She screamed, shoving my hand off her shoulder and whipping around to face me. "This is your fault!" She shouted, thrusting her finger toward my face as tears of outrage, rather than sadness for our son, flooded her eyes. "You're the reason he's disabled!" My eyes widened, shocked she saw fit to blame me for our situation, but I focused on what she had said about my son, not me. My instinct was to defend him instead of myself. My grandfather, my mother's father, had been deaf since birth but never allowed it to hinder him. He was the most talented carpenter I'd ever known. He's the one who taught me how to make Tooki's cat tower, the birdhouse I'd constructed for Rue when we were dating, and Ria's dollhouse. He was far from disabled, and so was our son. "He's not disabled; he's just different," I rectified her archaic depiction of our son's impairment, offended she would stoop so low as to call her son defective, especially when she was a defective clone and knew what it felt like to be called that. "Get away from me!" She shrieked, shoving me backward by roughly planting both palms on my chest. "Just leave and take him too!" She commanded, carelessly gesturing toward her newborn child without so much as glancing at him. "I don't want him anymore!" She yelled, displaying her palms to me negligently. She noticed her sparkling diamond wedding ring as her hands were up by her head with their backs facing her. "I never want to see either of you ever again!" She growled vociferously, struggling to remove the ring from her finger, swollen from the past months of pregnancy, and threw it at me as violently as she could before marching back to her bed. I'm uncertain how long I stood there in a stupor as I tried to discern what had just happened. I barely registered the ring colliding with my left cheekbone and ricocheting off my face to land on the floor with the high-pitched trill of metal on metal. I knew I wasn't in love with Rue anymore, but I never expected it to end like this. I felt numb. I'd expected to feel something rather than nothing. After all, I'd spent five years of my life married to this woman. Maybe I was never in love with her, and she was just a distraction from the person my heart truly belonged to. I had hoped we'd both come to a gradual, mutual realization that we weren't made for each other and respectfully part ways, but I now realize that would never happen. I shook my head to recover from the shock of what had just occurred and extended my arms toward 2B for him to place my child in them. That was what caused the tears to well up. Seeing my helpless baby boy, who didn't deserve the absence of a mother and an inexperienced father, lying in my arms, so innocent and unaware of the situation. He deserved better than me. I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never done this by myself before. It was all my fault. He'd be subjected to an unconventional childhood all because I couldn't have just made it work with his mother. I had to be selfish and go after my own wants only days before his predicted arrival date, completely disregarding my responsibilities as a father. It wasn't Rue who had abandoned him first. It was me. I couldn't repeat past mistakes and desert him now. I wouldn't. I was determined to be present for him now, to be reliable, to be his father, the man he deserved. That begins with getting the woman who motivates me to be my best. Before my beading tears could spill over my eyelids, I briskly exited the room, heading to the nursery, where I assumed the rest of the kids would be. I decided to gather the kids and take them with me to Rebel since there was no telling what Rue was capable of now, considering she was so willing to desert her helpless infant, and the only place I felt safe was with Rebel. Wherever she was was my safe haven. "Hey, kiddos," I greeted my children cheerily, refusing to let my voice and, by extension, my demeanor crack in their presence. "You want to go on a little adventure with me to visit Auntie Rebel?" I asked, sensing my muscles relax merely at the mention of her name, reminding myself I'd see her soon. "Sure!" Ria was the only one that answered verbally, while the triplets nodded in response. "Is that my baby brother?" She inquired as she stood up from the floor where she'd been stacking blocks, pointing to the baby I was cradling. "Yes, he is," I answered hastily, nodding. "But we have to hurry," I said, crouching and extending my hand to her. "I'll introduce him to you on the ship," I promised her as she took my hand. We exited the nursery, hands intertwined, as the triplets trailed after us. I passed Tuck sleeping in a corner as we fled and realized I didn't know when I'd be back, if ever, so this was my last chance to say goodbye. I pursed my lips, preparing myself for the painful farewell before suddenly realizing nothing prevented me from taking him with us. "Come on, Tuck." I whistled at him, releasing Ria's hand and snapping my fingers, awakening him and causing him to leap up and loyally romp after me with his tongue lolling out of his mouth as we left the rebellion for good. "Why are we taking Tuck?" Ria asked, pointing at the blissfully ignorant canine. "I thought it might be fun if he tagged along," I lied, not wanting to accidentally convey to her the likelihood that we'd never see him again if we didn't take him with us, nor did I want to elaborate on the argument her mother and I had which put us in this difficult situation. On our way to the ship I'd only abandoned a few minutes ago, Benji jogged over and flagged us down by waving his arm. Oh, great, I groaned internally. Even seeing him made my heart hurt. It was an excruciating reminder that Rebel loved him, not me. "Hey, Ash! Are you going to see Rebel again?" He asked breathlessly, slowing to a stop in front of us. "Uh, yeah," I said awkwardly, partly because I was talking to the man whose wife I was in love with about her, partly because I wasn't sure how he would react to that information or how to explain myself if he inquired further about my trip, and partly because my unnamed newborn son nestled in the crook of my arm had started bawling, dividing my attention. I feel you, buddy. I want to cry too. "Something like that," I answered vaguely, unwilling to reveal the embarrassing truth behind why I was leaving as I looked down at my son, trying to determine what was plaguing him. "But I may not return for a while," I added absentmindedly. Suddenly, I realized that was suspicious and sounded like I was planning to move in with his wife. So, I decided to erase any suspicion of foul play altogether and invite him on the journey so he could monitor our interactions firsthand. "Hey, you know what? You should come with me." I jerked my head to meet his eye line and pointed at him with my free hand. "See your wife. It might be nice," I suggested, shrugging. "I know she misses you and would love to see you," I persuaded further. I always do this. I create an awkward situation, then feel the need to correct it by being overly persuasive and over-explaining my motives, only making myself appear more suspicious. Ultimately, though, my motive was to see Rebel happy, and receiving a visit from Benji would make her happy, so of course, I encouraged it. "Um," he glanced around, pursing his lips. Either the awkwardness was that palpable, or he was hiding something too. "Actually, I was hoping you could give this to her." He dug around in his pocket, pulled out a square crisp white sealed envelope, and handed it to me. I raised one eyebrow in skepticism, finding it odd he deemed only me up to the task. "Are you sure you don't wanna just give it to her yourself?" I asked. "I would, but I have Ally here with me." He gave an unsustainable impromptu excuse, gesturing behind himself to where Ally sat a few parsecs away on the ground beside the project she and her dad were working on. She waved, oblivious to what her dad and I were discussing. I reciprocated the action with a soft smile and waved back with my free hand. "Well, she can come too. I'm taking the kids." I swiftly demolished his reasoning since five kids were already tagging along. What was one more? He lowered his voice and leaned toward me. "I'd prefer not to be there when she reads it," he said ominously, looking off to the side as he spoke, avoiding my eyes. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. Good for me, from an outsider's perspective, but bad for Rebel. From my perspective, anything bad for Rebel is bad for me too. I can't stand to see her hurt or upset; this letter seems like it would do both. I'm not even sure if I can give this to her. I looked down at the foreboding envelope and nearly shuttered. "Um, okay," I reluctantly agreed. "Do-do you want me to give her a message along with it or something?" I asked, wondering if that might give me an inclination about what dark secret this letter contained. "Everything she needs to know is in the note." He was careful not to reveal anything as his volume returned to normal, and he straightened back up and leaned away from me. "Great." I quickly shook my head, expelling my speculations of what was inside the envelope. "I'll make sure she gets it," I promised and gently slid it into my pocket, preventing it from being creased, although, if it conveniently became crumpled at some point during my journey and then lost, I would not object. No, Ash, don't think that. I extended my free hand toward Benji and gave him a farewell handshake, respectfully bowing my head, before boarding the ship. The entire trip, I was eagerly looking forward to finally arriving home, and each parsec that passed only heightened my anticipation. Somewhere along the line, the castle had started to feel more like home than any place ever had. It wasn't the space, though. It was Rebel. Her light. Her voice. Her very essence. She had always been home to me. That would never change. As soon as we entered Naboo's atmosphere, I felt a breath of relief escape my lips, knowing we were finally under the same sun, moons, and sky, just as it should always be. All at once, everything was right in the universe, and all other problems seemed to melt away, becoming insignificant compared to the remaining distance between us. Eventually, after what seemed to be an agonizingly long journey, our vessel touched down on the planet's surface. I found it challenging to decrease the speed knowing she was my destination. I lowered the ramp to the ground, impatiently waiting for the gap to be wide enough to bolt through as I bounced up and down, inadvertently soothing Sam to sleep. Oh, right. I named my baby boy Sam since I'd told Sawyer I planned to name my baby boy after him before I knew he was alive. Now that I knew he wasn't dead, I couldn't name him Sawyer also since it might get confusing if there were two of them. I certainly couldn't take Sawyer's suggestion and give him Sawyer's middle name, so I decided to give him the name of Sawyer's initials instead to keep my promise. As a bonus, it was also my father's name. I hoped he would be a good namesake for the man who raised me as well as for the man who saved me. Once the exit was large enough to squeeze through, I darted outside, directing the kids to stay inside the ship until I returned. I knew Rebel's room was on the South side of the palace, facing the lake, so I immediately ran toward the shore instead of knocking on the front door since I knew there was no way the servants would take me to see her at this hour and I needed to see her now. I couldn't wait for another second. I looked up at her bedroom window, conjuring ways to draw her attention without waking the entire castle. I gazed down at the vast array of pebbles and shells sprinkled on the sand near my feet, sparking a memory of Kali and me collecting them the last time I was here. I stooped down, pinched one between my index finger and thumb, and chucked it at Rebel's window, waiting to see yellow light illuminate her room, indicating she was awake. After a few tortuous minutes of waiting, which were probably only seconds in reality, I saw no activity and bent down to pluck another pebble from the shore and hurl it at her window. A few more heart-pounding seconds later, a light flickered on, and I sighed in relief as a shadow advanced toward the glass. Two dainty, delicate, precious palms pressed against the pane that was just as fragile and gently applied weight, causing the window to swing open. She stepped closer to it and rubbed her eyes with her fists. Oh, kriff. I woke her. I feel terrible! How could I not have considered what time it was? I was so wrapped up in my emotions; I didn't even acknowledge how late it was. I can't believe I was so selfish. "Ash!" She whisper-yelled as her eyes widened with alertness and recognition. "What are you doing here?" She asked in the same hushed tone with one hand cupped around the side of her mouth, the other propping herself up on the window sill just above the window box with tiny purple flowers planted in it. "I'm sorry if I woke you up," I apologized, shaking my head in embarrassment as I avoided eye contact. Even from here, she still had the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. "And I hate to ask this of you." My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I looked back at her, giving her my most contrite expression. "Do you think you can come down?" I asked tentatively. "Yeah, of course," she graciously complied, nodding, already reaching for the handle on the window to pull it shut. "I'll be right there," she assured as she stepped backward and latched the windows. "Thank you," I whispered before she closed them and paced back and forth as I waited for her. My head lurched toward the faint sound of fabric rustling along blades of grass, and I saw her gradually approaching me, or perhaps it only appeared she was approaching me slowly because, in my eyes, she was moving in slow motion. She wore a silk lavender nightgown that reached her ankles with a butterfly of pure silver against her sternum. Three strings of pearls protruded from each wing and wrapped around the bottom of her shoulders. Her raven hair fell in full, tight ringlets enveloping the tops of her shoulders, shimmering in the moonlight. I've never seen her with curly hair before. "What's up?" She casually asked as she stopped before me, cocking her head to the side, crossing her arms, and squeezing them with her hands to keep herself warm. That was when I realized I'd been staring at her with my mouth agape. I quickly shook my head to revive myself. It felt as if I'd just died and gone to heaven. I opened my robe that I was using to shield Sam from the cold night air, revealing him to her since showing her the reason I was here was easier than explaining it in full detail for now. I was also having a little difficulty forming words at the moment since she had just stolen all the air from my lungs. "Oh, my force, Ash!" She gasped, jumping in surprise as she clasped her hands over her nose and mouth, forming a tent around them. "Oh, he's so beautiful," she commented after the initial shock of his existence dissipated as she let her hands rest over her heart. Her compliment made me grin as she walked closer to us for a better look. There were mere centimeters between us now, and I gulped as I realized she fit perfectly underneath my sternum. I could easily tuck her against my body and hold her, keeping her warm despite the freezing wind. She lifted her arms and placed both palms against my forearm that was hammocked underneath Sam, rising to her tiptoes to get nearer to him. "He looks just like you," she whispered, brushing one of his curls off his forehead as he slept. Her statement made me freeze. Did that mean she thought I was beautiful? Or had she just gotten a closer look and determined that he was no longer beautiful but more like me? "Thank you," I answered concerning her first statement. "I hope," I continued with a chuckle, hoping her original description of him still stood and that she thought we were both beautiful. "Yeah," she said, chuckling as she looked up at me. "It's a compliment." I got my answer as she looked back down at him. "Okay, good." I laughed as my eyes joined hers, both of us gazing at my son adoringly. "What happened to your cheek?" She asked sharply. There was a bite in her words. Her question sounded almost vengeful. "Oh, I don't know." I brushed my right cheek first with my fingers, unaware anything had even happened to my cheek. "What happened?" I asked as I stroked the other cheek and felt a small, shallow cut against my cheekbone. It didn't feel like anything serious, but Rebel sure was concerned. "You have a cut," she spat indignantly, pointing at the small gouge in my skin. "How did that happen?" She demanded impatiently, resting her hands on her hips. "Oh, I'm not quite sure," I answered calmly, suppressing a giggle at how adorably feisty she was becoming over a minor injury that would recover naturally in only a few days. While I was still speaking, she reached up and caressed the sight of my cut. Her touch alone was healing. I hadn't even felt I had a cut, but my skin felt rejuvenated after she touched me. As if a lifetime of stinging had suddenly been soothed, and she'd extinguished a fire that had been ablaze since the dawn of my existence. My entire body immediately felt better by the graze of her fingertips against my cheekbone. "Well, no need to worry about it anymore." Her hands returned to her hips. "It's gone now." She gave a dismissive wave of her hand, and I would've inquired about her intriguing statement, but her touch still had me under a spell holding movement of any kind hostage. Now both cheeks were marked as sights of preservation. "Why did you bring your baby here?" She promptly changed the subject before I could emerge from my trance in time to ask her what she'd meant. "Surely not just so I could meet him," she speculated, raising an eyebrow. "Rue disowned him," I summarized today's events to the best of my ability without elaborating too much on what had happened. "What?" She asked, appalled as she jumped back and held her arms out at her sides for balance as if a strong gust of wind could knock her over from how much shock she was in. "Why on Kamino would she do that?!" She asked in utter disbelief, flipping her palms upward to face the sky rather than the ground. "He was born deaf." I gave her the only viable answer I could without much confidence in the words since, in reality, there was no justifiable excuse for committing such an atrocious lack of accountability. "And so for that, she abandons her infant son?!" She asked, scoffing in exasperation as she planted one hand on her hip, the other still out beside her. I shrugged, unable to condone her behavior and nearly unable to contain a smile at the fact that Rebel didn't even flinch when I mentioned he was deaf. It didn't bother her. She didn't consider him disabled, broken, or useless. She didn't shrink back, fearing she might contract some disease from him. She reacted exactly how a mother should've reacted, concerned for his safety and well-being, not her reputation for being associated with him or what other ways this may affect her or whatever Rue had thought when she decided to abandon him. "Oh, poor baby," she whimpered, pressing her palms against her heart as she stuck out her bottom lip and stepped closer to us again. "May I hold him?" She asked politely, extending her arms toward me. "Yeah, of course," I agreed instantly, shifting him from my arms to hers. I watched her cradle the baby in her arms and gently rock him side to side as she swayed her body to the same rhythm of the trees moving in the night wind. She stared at him in adoration and tickled his chin with her forefinger as she unintentionally cooed softly. The sweet sound slipped involuntarily from her lips as a product of looking at him as he slept, and she tenderly kissed his forehead. Observing her with Sam reminded me of how wonderful of a mother she was to her other children, causing me to remember they were still on the ship. "The kids are still on the ship," I blurted my thoughts out loud, running my hand down my face as I suddenly realized how exhausted I was. "The rest of the kids are here too?" She asked, reluctantly severing her attention from the infant in her embrace as she glanced back at him several times while trying to concentrate on me. I couldn't blame her. He was quite mesmerizing. I found her particularly mesmerizing as well as I stared at her, practically glowing in the moonlight. I wondered why she was staring at me, too, until I remembered she'd asked me a question. "Rue kicked me out, gave me her ring, threw it at me, actually," I corrected myself, chuckling humorlessly, and stared at the ground, embarrassedly avoiding eye contact. "Told me she never wants to see me again." Oh boy. Now here come the tears. They were still for the kids, though, rather than my failed marriage. I don't know how to provide for the kids. I can't support them on my mechanic salary, and I certainly can't bring them to work with me. How will I take care of them during the day? They are too young to send to school, so I'll need money to pay for a babysitter, but I also need money for food and shelter for six. I don't have enough saved for all the necessities yet, and I don't want to be the kind of dad constantly working and never seeing his kids, but I also want to be able to give the kids everything they want, not only satisfy their needs. I need time to amass enough money, but I don't want to be a moocher in the meantime, and here I'd come to Rebel with no plan, no time frame of how long I needed to get back on my feet, and barely any money. The last thing I wanted to be to her was a sponge. I hadn't wanted to be a burden. I was just in pain and needed to see and be with her. I wanted to clarify that this was only temporary, that I'd find a place to stay, and that I didn't expect anything from her. "I didn't know where else to go." My voice cracked as I looked back up at her, my vision blurring with tears. I hadn't intended to sound so helpless and pathetic, like she needed to take me in. "Oh, Ash," she said pitifully, removing one hand from underneath Sam to press her palm against my cheek. "It's okay. It's okay," she consoled, stroking my cheekbone with her thumb. "You can stay here," she offered without hesitation. "No, no." I shook my head, declining her generous offer as I delicately wrapped my fingers around her small wrist, well aware the sensation of my giant, calloused hand clamping around her dainty, vulnerable wrist could spark any number of traumatic memories, and caressed the back of her hand with my thumb. "I couldn't impose," I explained my reason for declining. "You're not imposing." She smiled confidently, showing she was competent and prepared to make arrangements for me to stay, determined to make me feel welcome and at home and as if I wasn't putting her out. However, I wasn't falling for her scheme so easily. I knew any unexpected guest, however welcome, was still unanticipated and would strain resources. "We'll stay in the ship tonight and be out of your hair tomorrow." I tried to arrange a compromise with her, agreeing to stay on the premises but in the dwelling of our provision. "Don't worry." I returned her smile, conveying we'd be perfectly comfortable on the ship. She frowned, unwilling to believe me, slightly hurt I'd even dare to turn her down. "Under no circumstances will my newborn nephew spend his first night in this universe in a cargo ship," she asserted decisively, raising one eyebrow in skepticism of my parenting abilities and angling her body to the side, away from me, as she shielded Sam from me. "Thank you," I relinquished, permitting my posture to slump as I gave her the most grateful smile I could muster. "I'm really sorry," I apologized, fitting my fingers together. "I don't want to be a burden," I muttered toward the ground embarrassedly. "You couldn't possibly be one," she assured, smiling hospitably and placing her palm on my shoulder. "You let me stay in your room the last time you were here and rescued me from torture," she listed off acts of kindness I'd done for her, but they were all things I would've done even if they cost me everything I had. "I'm simply returning the favor," she said casually, futilely trying to diminish her generosity as she shrugged, removing her hand from my shoulder to hold it underneath Sam. I smiled and lifted one shoulder timidly, also trying to downplay my actions as I shoved my hands into my pockets and pawed at the ground with my toe. "Come on." She was trying to subdue another smile as she gestured with the side of her head toward the castle. "Let's go inside," she beckoned. I would follow her anywhere at her invitation without a second thought. Thankfully, my paternal instincts remained intact, and I remembered I needed to return to the ship to retrieve the kids, which reminded me I had a present for her. "Oh, actually, I have a little surprise for you." I straightened and held one finger up to her as she tilted her head in curiosity, indicating I'd only be a moment as I ran back to the ship. I picked up the neon pink pet carrier I'd left inside the vessel, proud I had smuggled a second animal on board before departing. I returned to her, fulfilling my non-verbal promise as the kids followed. "I brought an old friend of yours here to cheer you up, hopefully." I lifted the carrier to her eye level and slowly reached for the handle to heighten the suspense of what was inside as she squinted and leaned closer to the door, trying to perceive the creature's form through the darkness. The hinge creaked as I swung the door open, allowing the creature to lunge at her and smother her with the love that had been withheld from her. She deserved all the love this universe had to offer. She didn't need to be fixed, just loved. The tooka pounced on her and crawled her way up to her post, which was Rebel's shoulder, and immediately curled up and fell asleep. I was amazed that no matter how long their separation, Kya never forgot where she belonged. Then again, how could you forget Rebel? "Kya!" Rebel exclaimed, shocked and delighted, exactly the reaction I'd hoped for. "What's this on her arm?" She asked inquisitively, examining her tooka, ensuring Kya resembled the feline she knew and loved and the time apart hadn't changed how she remembered her. "I made a little prosthetic for her," I replied bashfully. "That's how I spent most of my time in containment." I ensured she knew I wanted to do this and that it was beneficial to me too by keeping me busy, not something I'd done for reward. Her face softened even more as her eyes focused on mine. "Thank you," she said appreciatively, her eyes sparkling. I tried to say something, but I could only stare at her, wishing I could do more. I could stare at her for eternity. Who needs sleep when I feel recharged and invigorated by just the sight of her? Who needs water when she refreshes me with her smile? Who needs the sun when she already brightens my life more than any star could ever dream of doing? Who needs food when she nourishes me with a touch of her hand? Who needs warmth when she ignites a fire within me with just a glance? Who needs air when she takes my breath away anyway? Before I could get swept up in my thoughts, the bark of an anooba jolted me back to reality. I flinched and looked toward the source of the woof, seeing Tuck bounding out of the ship, demanding my attention, offended I'd forgotten about him. I gave him an apologetic look as I shushed him, gesturing for him to quiet down as I glanced around at the windows into the castle, ensuring his bark hadn't awoken anyone. "Oh, Tuck is here too," I mentioned a little too late, pointing at him with my thumb as I looked back at Rebel. "I hope that's okay." I cringed, sucking in an apologetic breath through clenched teeth. "Oh, Ash," she said, faking a pitying tone as she shook her head in mock disapproval and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "It's good to have you back," she said affectionately and stood beside me, rubbing my back, leading me inside, as she flashed me a smile that rocked my whole universe, ruining me for any other smile for the rest of time.