"True, hold up a second."
"What's up?" True pulled up to Oscar's desk. She was getting in the holiday spirit, clutching a hot chocolate and wearing a red dress she'd trimmed with fuzzy white fur so it resembled Santa's suit. Amanda had called it "frighteningly juvenile," but True liked it.
"There are a few things you need to know about tonight's holiday party."
"Okay. Shoot."
"First: Mr. Madigan will give you the worst gift you've ever gotten and he will think it's the best thing ever. Do not even try to get him one; he thinks nothing will be able to top what he got you. Just take it and tell him it means a lot to you."
"Okay."
"Also: Amanda will get drunk—really drunk—regardless of whether or not we actually have alcohol at the party. She will either be super fun or super depressing."
"Ooh."
"Yeah. A few years ago, she kissed me. Me," Oscar repeated, gesturing to his immaculate outfit. "We've gotten used to just forgetting about whatever she does until next year. She certainly does."
"Sounds interesting, Oscar. Was the kiss fun or depressing?"
Oscar wiggled his palm in a "so-so" motion. "Started fun. Ended depressing."
"Well, thanks for the heads-up." True turned and made her way to the office. She, like the rest of them this close to the holiday break, surely had a lot of work to pretend to be doing.
"Not done!" Oscar called after her. "The last thing: I will cry. There is nothing anyone can do about it."
"You'll cry?" True said, sounding genuinely surprised. "I'm no expert, but aren't office holiday parties supposed to be kind of boring?"
"It's the end of the year, a landmark in time. It's the time for reflection."
"No matter how boring."
"Oh, True. I promise you it will not be boring."
/
Oscar made good on his promise to cry almost immediately.
"Look at her," Oscar said with a teary smile. "I'm so proud of her."
He and Max Madigan were staring across the room at True, who was draped in an ugly Christmas sweater of her own creation. She and her two friends were camped in front of a table strewn with decorated sugar cookies and candy canes, laughing among themselves. She was sixteen now, and starting to look more like a grown-up, starting to take on more responsibilities around the office…
"You have no idea," Max said warmly. "Sometimes, I wish she was my own."
"Oh, I know exactly what you mean." Oscar took another sip of eggnog. "If, God forbid, anything ever happened to her parents, I would take her in in a heartbeat."
Max stomped his foot. "Not fair, I want dibs on True!"
"Dibs on True for what?" Oscar turned to see Amanda, one eyebrow raised inquisitively. Unlike everyone else, she hadn't dressed in the holiday spirit, and she would never admit it, but she Oscar could tell she was enjoying herself. The drink in her hand couldn't have hurt, either.
"Oscar thinks that he's entitled to custody over True if anything ever happens to her real parents," Max said bitterly. "But I think I've been more of a guardian to True than anyone else here."
"I'm her most trusted adult confidante," Oscar pointed out. "Plus, I called it first."
"You're actually arguing over which one of you would get stuck with a kid in this tragic hypothetical?"
"Not everyone hates kids, Amanda," Oscar said.
"Some of us even wish we had them," Max added.
"Well, if you want one so bad, you can call Ryan or Lulu," Oscar said. "True's mine."
Max stamped his foot again. Before he could retort, Amanda cut in. "Now, I've had a lot to drink, but if my math is right, it seems to me that we could split them up evenly."
"You're not suggesting we cut them in half, are you, Amanda?" Max asked, concern written on his face.
"No, Max, I'm saying that if there are three of them and three of us, we could each take one."
"You're saying you'd take one?" Oscar ventured. "A… child? A live, human child?"
"Only if I get Lulu," Amanda clarified.
"Lulu was my second choice!" Max whined. "Why'd you have to pick Lulu?"
"She's smart, snarky, she can be kinda cute, and she historically gets in my way the least."
"Are you serious?" Oscar asked, dumbfounded.
"Sure, why not?"
"No, no, no!" Max interjected. "This isn't fair! We're talking about kid's lives. We can't just settle this matter with dibs. I'm the most equipped, financially and emotionally, to raise a child, therefore… I should get first dibs!" Max turned and stormed out of the conference room.
"He's just made he got stuck with Ryan," Oscar said with that head tilt he did when he talked behind someone's back.
"Who wouldn't be."
They had dropped the topic of conversation by the time Max walked back into the room, carrying three decks of cards, a jar of jellybeans, and a fresh carton of eggnog. "The only way to settle a matter of this much importance is with a game of Dasspielumallespielezubeenden." He waited patiently for a reaction. When his reveal was met only with blank faces, repeated, "Dasspielumallespielezubeenden! Come on!"
"Mr. Madigan, we have no idea what that is," Oscar said plainly.
"Yeah, what the hell is Daspie… whatever?"
"Dasspielumallespielezubeenden," Max repeated. Oscar and Amanda just blinked. "As I'm sure you already know, Dasspielumallespielezubeenden is a game that combines all the important life skills and experiences to determine the best man. Or woman, as it were," he added, gesturing to Amanda.
"How do you play?" Oscar asked, cautious.
"You've never played?" Max was already laying the cards out across the conference room runway, spreading them out and then shuffling them again and again.
"Can't say I have," Oscar answered as Amanda shook her head cluelessly.
"Well, it's very simple, but it takes a lifetime to master. Sit, sit," he urged, and then he ushered everyone nearby to gather around and watch. "We play until someone earns all twenty-nine letters in 'Dasspielumallespielezubeenden,' and then the game ends. Whoever comes in first gets True."
"What about Ryan and Lulu?" Oscar asked.
"Lulu will be second prize. Ryan goes to last place."
"Third place," Oscar revised gently.
"Whatever." Max held out the deck of cards. "Everybody pick a fruit to see who goes first."
"How will picking a fruit—"
"Just pick one," Max interrupted. "I pick cherries."
"Grapes," Oscar said.
"Fine." Amanda sighed. "Pear."
Max nodded, produced a pair of dice from his pocket, and rolled. "Six," he announced. "That means grapes goes first."
"I'm sorry, how does that track?" Amanda scoffed.
Max explained, but his explanation didn't make any more sense than the rest of the game. An hour hours later, a crowd had gathered, enthralled by the long-winded and energetic game. Popcorn had been brought in from True's office, and Koppelman was booking bets.
"No way," Ryan breathed.
"SEVEN MINUTES," announced Ella from accounting.
"I have never seen anyone stand on their head for so long," Lulu said, awestruck.
Oscar flailed. He tried to push himself back against the wall where he'd been leaning, but he was off-kilter and tilted sideways. He landed on the carpet in a heap.
"Oscar is out!" Ryan called. "At seven minutes and fourteen—"
"I'm done!" Amanda, too, dismounted from the wall, with only a smidge more grace than Oscar, and staggered as she stood up.
"Amanda is out, making Mr. Madigan the winner of the hand!"
Oscar grumbled as he gathered his hard-earned cards and handed them to Max.
"How many cards do I give you?" Amanda asked.
"Half," Max instructed, annoyed at her failure to catch on. "Drawn blindly."
Amanda did as she was told, and Max grinned, satisfied with his new winnings.
"I think I'm starting to get the hang of this," Oscar said carefully. "Now we move onto a Lollygag Round, right?"
"Right!"
"You're just making that up!" Amanda scoffed. "This is the most complicated game in the world. And it still has not been explained to me why our annual income modified our scores in the round that I can only describe as a mix between strip poker and Connect Four."
Two hours later, Amanda still didn't seem to understand the game any better. Still, she managed to cement herself in second by just doing whatever was the most in-between what Oscar and Max did.
They were in it to win it.
So they were on the edge of their seats as the Wheel of Wonder spun for the last time. Whoever it landed on could wield the ultimate power, and everyone knew it.
Everyone except Amanda, of course.
The crowd held their breath and the wheel clicked down, slowing, slowing… and eventually landed on Amanda.
Everyone turned to her, wordless, and in return, Amanda just shrugged, looking somewhat annoyed.
"What am I supposed to do?"
"You play a card," Max said, the suspense evident in his voice.
"…Six of clubs?" Amanda said thoughtlessly and *tossed it into the discard pile.
The entire room went insane. The few people who bet on the long shot broke into wholehearted cheers. More mourned their losses. Oscar's jaw dropped, devastated, and Max sunk to his knees and pulled at his hair, infuriated.
"What, what?" Amanda asked with wide eyes.
"You just won the game," Max told her.
"And I lost," Max said self-pityingly.
A moment for that to sink in, and then Amanda, too, dropped to her knees and lamented loudly.
"Why are you so upset?" True asked. "You won."
Once they'd composed themselves again, they exchanged glances.
"I'll trade you," Oscar offered quickly. "I got second."
"Done."
"I'll trade, too! Please, Oscar, will you trade with me?" Max begged.
"Not a chance."
He turned to Amanda as a last resort.
"Not on your life."
"Fine," Max huffed. "Well, then, I suppose we should tell them."
"Tell us what?" Lulu asked.
"The purpose of this game was to determine who would get custody of whom in the event that any of your parents were to pass," Max explained as though it was perfectly logical. "True, you would go to Oscar; Lulu, you would go to Amanda; and Ryan, although you were not my first choice—"
"You were his last choice," Amanda interjected. "You were everyone's last choice."
"—I would still love you as though you were my own."
"Say what now?" True gawked. "You think we don't have actual family that would take us?"
The adults were silent for a moment.
"I'm going to my aunt," True said.
"I'd go to my uncles," Lulu added.
"I'm going to a millionaire!" Ryan said, grinning wide. "Wait until I tell my parents, they're gonna be thrilled!"