"Angela?"
She had just stepped out of one of her favourite boutiques near 72nd and Madison when she heard her name. The voice immediately sounded familiar but for a moment, Angela had trouble placing it.
She looked back over her shoulder.
"Hi..."
She was walking into the shop as Angela stepped out and was still standing in the doorway holding the door open.
"How are you? You look great." Angela said in earnest.
"Thank you … so do you." A flawlessly put together, fifty-something, Frankie returned.
There was a moment of awkward silence as neither woman knew what to say next. Both instantly reminded of their short but turbulent existence in each other's lives.
XXXXXXX
"Angela, I am your mother. I know what's best for you. Buy him!"
"One thousand … going once … going twice …"
Frankie stood and watched Mrs. Rossini count down to her impending victory with a satisfied and smug grin on her face. She had passed up Tony Micelli once and she was not about to do it again.
She had always known he was charming and sexy but in the last few hours she had learned that perhaps he wasn't the macho jock she had always pegged him out to be and she wanted to get to know him better - Even if it meant that she had to buy his time in order to make it happen.
"Do something …" a frantic Mona pleaded with her daughter.
Within a split second Angela's mind quickly raced through all the moments she and Tony had shared over the last few years that told her that perhaps there was more to their relationship than just friendship. As confusing as they were with their crossed signals and missed opportunities one thing was for sure - they were partners and she needed him. In that moment, Angela came to her resolve - she was not going to let this Italian stallionette swoop in and break up their happy home - 'however unorthodox it may be' she thought.
Just as the gavel was about to drop, Angela raised her arm and shouted "Two" she swallowed, adrenaline rushing through her entire body "… Two thousand dollars!" Her mother wide eyed and clinging to her arm.
Confusion and noise was all that ensued.
Mrs. Rossini dramatically dropped into Tony's arms. The crowd broke out into their own chatter, Mona included. Everyone was equal parts excited about the funds being raised and curious about the battle that was seemingly taking place right before their eyes.
Frankie leaned into Angela and whispered "I could play this game all day." She looked up at Mrs Rossini and shouted "Twenty-five hundred dollars!"
"So could I" Angela whispered back as confidence began to take over "three thousand dollars!"
"All right!" Mona cheered.
"Stop embarrassing yourself Angela, he's coming home with me." Frankie's frustration was beginning to show.
The thought made Angela sick to her stomach. Was Frankie wrong? No, probably not … but what about her? What about them? Was she just supposed to pretend like there wasn't something there between them?
'What about the kiss we shared in the kitchen on my birthday, or when he told me he loved me? Sure he didn't mean to say it but that didn't mean it wasn't true.' She thought. 'Even though he didn't come out and say it, he didn't want me to marry Geoffrey. He doesn't want to lose me anymore than I want to lose him … that kiss in the van … there was no need for that but he did it anyway and I know it was under the pretense of finishing off my list but his tongue said otherwise.' She shook her head, 'focus Angela.'
"That may be true Frankie but when he's done with you, and believe me, at some point he will be done, he'll be coming home to me. Where he lives … with his daughter … and our family, in our home."
Angela was shaking. She watched Frankie's mouth slowly gape open upon hearing her words.
'Oh my God what did I just say? How could I say those things out loud!?' she berated herself.
The only thing keeping her from running away was her certainty that no one had heard her but Frankie with all the noise and commotion around them.
Frankie was so shocked by Angela's words and the chaos around them that she completely lost track of Mrs. Rossini counting down in the background and just like that … Angela was declared the winner.
"Angela!" Tony said as he jumped down off the stage "What are you doin'?"
"Tony it's for a great cause" a seemingly nonchalant Angela replied.
Tony shook his head. "I guess" he breathed out.
He was torn between wanting to gloat about Angela fighting for him and feeling uncomfortable thinking of what this might mean or lead to.
A puzzled look came across his face and Angela didn't know what to make of it. 'Is he disappointed that Frankie didn't win?' she wondered. Suddenly Angela was filled with regret.
As much as she wanted to, she knew there was no way she was going to keep her away from Tony nor did she have a right to try. She got caught up in the moment and now she was embarrassed. Angela quickly offered to forfeit her services to Frankie for a weekend all in the name of good sportsmanship and although Tony didn't seem too keen on the whole arrangement, Frankie happily, and quickly, accepted.
Angela was heartbroken and ashamed. She only hoped that Tony would come back to their family … to her. As he always did.
Never in a million years did she expect Frankie to jump in with both feet and propose marriage to Tony. Angela can't remember a time when she had been more afraid to lose him - Kathleen included.
XXXXXXX
"You know Angela …" Frankie began, she too had been deep in her own thoughts of that day. "I never really understood why you would dish out all that cash and then send him home with me anyway. I could never figure out whether it was a stroke of genius or just plain stupidity" Frankie chuckled. "I mean that in the most respectful way though" both women laughed.
"To be honest, I don't really know what I was thinking either. Mostly for outbidding you though, not for what transpired after. I guess deep down I always knew … well … I always hoped that he would just always choose our family … and I wanted it to be on his own accord. But you sure took full advantage of the opportunity presented by my good will and nature that weekend." She teased back.
"Can you blame me for trying?" Frankie shrugged her shoulders.
"No … I guess I can't blame you for trying." She smiled, her left thumb twisting her wedding band around her slim finger.
"Are you two still in touch?" Frankie asked cautiously.
There was no doubt in her mind, when Tony turned her down, that the thing holding him back was Angela. Given that Angela paid three thousand dollars for a housekeeper that was already hers full time made it clear that their feelings, convoluted as they may have been, were mutual. Whether or not they had ever figured it all out however, she had no idea.
"Yes … we are in touch," Angela's smile reached her eyes, "we're married … actually."
Frankie flashed her a genuine smile "Oh Angela, that's wonderful. Congratulations, I'm very happy for the two of you."
"Thank you Frankie. I'll be sure to tell him I ran into you."
"Please do … well, I'd better get in here before they yell at me" she said gesturing to the door she'd been holding open for several minutes now.
"Oh yes, probably a good idea," Angela laughed. "It was really good to see you, Frankie."
"You too Angela. Give Tony my best."
"I will. Bye."
Frankie disappeared through the boutique door and Angela made her way to her car. Her thumb, still absentmindedly playing with her wedding band…
Angela was smiling when she walked through the back door and into the kitchen of 3344 Oak Hills Drive, to find the love of her life sitting at the kitchen table grading papers. Despite the many changes their life had gone through over the last decade, this was one scene that remained the same.
"Hey, sweetheart, how was your day?" He asked as she was leaning down to kiss him.
"You'll never guess who I ran into," she pulled up a chair next to him, "Frankie!" She blurted out when he didn't garner any guesses.
"Oh yeah? … Wow, that was a lifetime ago huh? How's she doin'?"
"She's good … I guess. I mean we didn't really get to talking much, I was on my way out of the shop and she was just walking in but she looks great!"
"I bet you look better," he replied with a wink.
"You'd better say that, after you almost left me to marry her." She teased.
"Sweetheart … don't you think you're exaggerating a little bit here? I did not almost marry her."
"As I recall, you considered it."
"You really think I'd seriously consider marrying a woman I'd known for a couple of weeks?"
"You'd known her much longer than that." She casually reminded him.
"Yeah but I didn't know her … not since we were kids - she was a completely different girl from the one I remembered growin' up."
"Then why did you let me think you were considering it?"
"Ange I didn't let you think anything. I'm not a mind reader to know what was goin' on in that head of yours," he kissed the top of her head and walked over to fill the kettle with fresh water.
"I just didn't want to talk about it, especially not with you," he continued, "I was so conflicted about us at that time. I had these feelings I couldn't make sense of and even if I did come to terms with them it's not like we had a way forward to act on any of them. Then you outbid her but you sent me to clean her place anyway … I was getting all these mixed messages from you."
"Mixed messages? Tony, you were already kissing her at the fair. I was trying to stop you from spending time alone with her but then you looked so upset that I had outbid her …"
"Upset?"
"Yeah … you looked upset."
"Ange, sweetheart, confused maybe but I was not upset. If I'm being honest I was a little flattered." He puffed out his chest.
"You were?"
"Of course! It made me feel like you couldn't stand to lose me for a weekend that made me feel good. But at the same time I didn't know what that might lead to and after the weddin' and Geoffrey with a G" he teased "and then inspiration point …" He trailed off.
"Uhm hmm"
"Well, regardless … you strongarmed her to win the auction - which by the way was incredibly sexy." He admitted. "But then you sent me off to her like you didn't care if I went."
"Like you did to me with Geoffrey" she teased.
"As I recall, you actually did consider leaving me and marrying him" He rebutted.
Angela smiled, "I'd hardly call it leaving you when there was nothing to leave, you made that very clear. Besides, I tried to get you to give me a reason not to say yes and you wouldn't! I was never going to marry Geoffrey, Tony you know that. I just dragged it out because I wanted you to be honest about your feelings and talk about us again like kinda had at the wedding … but this isn't about me …" she chuckled.
"You know … when Frankie came by the house that afternoon she actually asked me if you were the thing holding me back and part of me thought it might be but then part of me thought I was stupid to think anything could ever happen with us."
"So what changed your mind?" She asked, curious.
"You did … actually."
"I did? But how? By the time I came home to tell you I was in love with you, you had already told Frankie no."
"Wait … what?"
Angela looked at him, obvious confusion written across her face.
"Don't you remember? I came home early that afternoon but you had already told her no. So how was I the reason you said no if I didn't come home until after you spoke with her?"
"Ange…"
"Yeah?"
"Back up a bit … You came home early that day to tell me you were in love with me? That was the private talk you wanted to have before Sam barged in?"
After all these years it had never occurred to her that they hadn't already discussed this.
"Oh … yeah … did you not know that?"
"Uh, no … I think I'd remember."
"Okay well, it really doesn't matter now does it?"
"Well kinda … You came home to tell me you loved me, chickened out and then waited another," he thought about it for a moment "almost FIVE years for me to get my shit together?"
Angela laughed "Sweetheart, what matters is that we did eventually get said shit together."
Tony smiled. There was something about his prim and proper classy wife swearing that he just could never get enough of.
"Also, I think I made it clear several times, not the least of which was Jamaica, and you just wouldn't bite … Anywayyyyy" … She smiled … "What do you mean I'm the one that changed your mind?"
"Well when Frankie was here that afternoon she asked me if I was waiting around for somethin' to happen with you and of course I was surprised - stupid of us to think we were fooling anyone but anyway - I was like what? No, of course not. But then … she told me what you said."
"What I said?" Angela asked, surprised.
"Yes … what you said" Angela was still confused.
"At the fair" he continued, and although at this point Angela was freaking out inside wondering if Frankie actually did tell him everything, she gave nothing away.
" … during the auction?" he finished.
"Ohhhhhh" she whispered, her cheeks crimson with shame.
Tony leaned in and kissed her, one rosy cheek after the other and placed a cup of hot tea in front of her.
"You know Ange … at the time I didn't know if I believed her when she told me those things. I thought she was trying to get me mad at you or somethin' to give me a reason to leave."
"And now?" She giggled sheepishly knowing all too well that her cheeks had betrayed her.
"I always wanted to believe that you were a badass … but now I know for sure" he teased.
"Tony" she whined, still ashamed of her candor that day.
"Sweetheart, it's all in the past. I'm just glad we eventually figured it out."
"If it were up to me it would have been a much smoother and more direct ride … but I'm glad I waited for you." She admitted.
"You are?" He asked.
"Of course."
"And to think, all that money you were paying me back then and you weren't even getting the full package" he winked.
"Hmmm … that is true" she agreed "I'm glad we fixed that." She admitted "and I'm glad that you are very good at making up for all the time you wasted."
"I take full responsibility." he leaned in and kissed her lips.
As Angela lifted her warm tea to her lips she was reminded of that night. After the dust settled they ended up around this kitchen table much like they were right now, discussing the events that transpired from their trip to the fair. She could almost feel the relief she felt then, knowing that Tony had chosen their family once again. But then … as she thought back to the conversation they had just had it dawned on her …
"Honey…" she began, Tony looked up at her over his cup of tea. "So … that night when we were talking in the kitchen … you knew what I had said at the fair?"
"Yeah" Tony admitted "I did … why?" He asked, unsure of where she was going with that.
"Is that why you came up and pulled me out of my bedroom for tea?"
"That is exactly why I had the balls to offer you tea that night" he chuckled and Angela nearly spat out her tea.
Tony smiled at the memory.
XXXXXXX
Angela had retired to her bedroom earlier than usual that night and Tony felt like there were things that needed to be said between them. He was dying to know if the things Frankie had said to him that afternoon were true but, of course, he couldn't just come out and ask Angela.
He opened his bedroom door and saw that Angela's lamp was still on. Oftentimes she would fall asleep while reading and forget her light on and he'd go in and turn it off for her before going to bed. But as he knocked lightly on her door that night, he was holding his breath, secretly hoping that she was still awake.
"Come in" She said softly, mindful that the kids were already asleep.
"Hey, Angela … I uh … I'm going downstairs for some tea … wondered if you might wanna join me?" He asked from the doorway, hopeful that she would say yes but also very aware of the fact that he had no idea what it was he wanted to say or how he was going to say it.
"Sure Tony, I'd love to" … 'there's that word again' she thought to herself. 'If only I'd use it in the right sentence.'
She threw the covers off of herself, grabbed her robe from her chair and joined him in the hallway.
They sat in a comfortable silence around the kitchen table. Angela was grateful that peace had been restored once again, but the thought that she almost told Tony a few short hours ago that she was in love with him was weighing heavily on her mind.
'Why is this so complicated?' she thought 'maybe I should just tell him anyway.'
"Hey Angela?"
"Yes Tony", she breathed out, as he pulled her out of her musings.
"About that private talk this afternoon and me not wantin' to get lost … I … I just wanted to tell you that I'm very happy here … You know with the whole family, Jonathan, Mona …" he course corrected.
"Of course … the family …" She jumped in "and we are very happy to have you here with us too Tony." She assured him, a sad smile on her lips. "And Samantha, of course." She added.
"Yeah … of course and Sam's very happy here too … she loves you Angela." He admitted, sincerity in his eyes.
"Well, I love her very much too." Angela assured.
Moments of silence passed again and they both clung to their teacups not knowing how to clear the tension in the room.
"I just want you to know that I'm not lookin' to be anywhere else for a long time … not unless you want me out of course."
"I don't think I have any intention of ever wanting that" she stated bravely.
"Okay … good … that's good." Tony stuttered.
"I uh … if I'm being honest, I thought we might lose you." Angela admitted reluctantly.
"Me? … nah … It's like I said Angela, I don't love her."
"Right … right …" her mind trailed off for a moment "and love is important" she repeated back to him.
"It's what makes the world go 'round" he sang, making her smile.
"That song reminds me of my highschool dance" she remembered wistfully, "Junior … no … sophomore year I believe?"
"Yeah?" Tony asked, surprised.
"Tony" she reprimanded "believe it or not I was not a complete loser in high school. I got out from time to time."
"That's not what I meant Angela …" She gave him a questioning look. "Okay", he conceded, "I guess that is what I meant but I didn't mean it like that."
"Oh no?" She teased.
Tony just smiled, his cheeks crimson. He had stepped in it and he knew there was no way out of this one.
"I bet if those guys saw you now they'd all be linin' up to take you out."
"Why … Thank you Tony. That's very sweet of you to say."
She took another sip of her tea … her mind still reeling from her earlier confession in Dr. Bellows office.
"Tony?"
"Yeah?"
There was so much she wanted to know but she didn't know where to begin…
'If you really mean that, why is it that you've never asked me out on a date? Did Frankie's lips leave you as breathless as mine did at inspiration point six months ago? Did you miss me when you were with her? Oh my God did you sleep with her? Ugh, of course you did.' She thought sadly. 'Shake that thought from your head Angela pleeeease!'
Suddenly she felt nauseous. She took a sip from her tea, willing it to cleanse that thought from her mind as it continued to race.
'Did you feel as lost at her place as you did at mother's when you moved out? Better yet, was I the reason you couldn't let loose with other women when you were going out with your friends during those weeks and instead came home to watch Little House on the Prairie? Did you turn that on because you knew I'd be watching too? Why do you spend most of your nights at home drinking tea and watching TV with me when you could be out on the town doing literally anything else with anyone else. And most importantly - is the reason that you don't love Frankie because you're already in love with someone else? … and is that someone else me?'
Angela sighed.
"Are you okay?" He whispered, seeing that she was deep in thought.
"Yes, I'm fine" she breathed back.
"Were you going to ask me something?" He pressured, knowing there was more he wanted to say to her but didn't want to be the one to go first for fear it might ruin what they have.
"Uhm … yes … but … it slipped my mind actually." Which wasn't a complete lie since she couldn't figure out where to begin or that she wanted to at all.
"Time for bed then?" he asked.
She nodded softly. They shared a weak pensive smile and both stood up with their teacups in their hands. Tony placed his hand on hers and gently caressed it before taking her teacup and making his way over to the sink where he gently placed them side by side.
He walked back over to her, she hadn't moved from the spot where he had left her. She was still in her thoughts and only half aware of what was happening outside of them.
"Angela?" he whispered softly not to startle her. He knew she was somewhere else.
She looked up at him. In his eyes she could see so much love and affection for her that her own eyes began to glisten with unshed tears.
"Angela, I love …" He just couldn't bring himself to take the risk "what we have and I'm not goin' anywhere … honestly. I don't want you to ever worry about that."
She nodded, and looked down as a stray tear lost its grip and made its way down her cheek.
Tony placed his hand under her chin and brought her gaze back up to meet his. He reached up and wiped the tear away with his thumb.
He watched her. He was so certain that he was in love with her but his heart broke every time he thought about the circumstances surrounding their relationship.
"Bed time?" He suggested.
She nodded.
They walked up the stairs together and parted ways in the hallway, just like they did every other night before making their way to their own bedrooms.
XXXXXXX
"We wasted so much time," Tony whispered, bringing them both back to the present.
"I don't know … through it all … well through most of it" she corrected remembering the Kathleen days "we were together. If you think about it, we really were living as a married couple all those years … just minus the sex of course. We did that with other people," she laughed.
"JUST minus the sex?" Tony spat out.
Angela laughed.
She leaned in and kissed her husband on the lips. Softly at first and then she got up from her chair and sat on his lap. Running her fingers through his hair she began to deepen the kiss and reminded him once again of what he had been missing all those years.
She pulled away, stood up next to him, grabbed his hands and pulled him up to stand beside her. Releasing one of his hands she tightened her grip on the other and led them through the kitchen door, across the family room and up the stairs.
"Let's go make up for lost time" she suggested.
"I think not being with you all those years was the best mistake I ever made." He said thick with sarcasm.
"You do?" She asked.
"Are you kidding me? Of course not!"
Angela shook with laughter.
"Hey Ange?"
"Yeah …"
"You know … I think Frankie was what made me come to terms with the fact that I was in love with you." Tony confessed.
"Really?" She asked surprised.
"Yeah … Do you remember that first Thanksgiving that we spent with Mrs. Rossini?" He asked her.
"You mean, do I remember Gina?"
"Well, yeah," he shrugged.
"Tony, sweetheart, I remember them all."
"Oh come on there weren't that many … at least not after I met you anyway."
"Go on …" She pressed, wanting to get off the subject.
"A man's gotta eat babe" she rolled her eyes at him "I happen to remember you not starvin' all those years either missy … Grant on the kitchen floor!" he teased.
"Tony" she whined "what's the point of this story? I was kinda hoping we'd finish what we started downstairs."
Tony laughed … Angela was not a woman that could be easily distracted once she put her mind to doing something … and if that something involved a naked Tony you didn't have a chance in hell. He was surprised she had lasted this long.
"Okay … so yes Gina … remember when I came home and we had that talk about how I just couldn't … I mean wouldn't" he corrected.
"Yeah … you were changing" she teased, laughing.
"Babe come on … I'm tryin' to share something with you here." Angela composed herself. "I was starting to feel like maybe a typical Brooklyn girl wasn't really my cup of tea anymore and that I wanted someone more like …"
"Meryl Streep?" she interrupted.
"yeah her too … but mostly like you." Angela smiled.
"I was hoping you meant me"
"Of course I meant you Ange." he placed a soft kiss on her lips. "But the thing is when Frankie came along I thought she was gonna be perfect! Here's this woman, she's all Brooklyn and very … Meryl Streep. It was the best of both worlds. She came from the old neighbourhood but in all other aspects she was just like you … well except for baseball." Angela rolled her eyes. "Come on, don't do that … you picked it up" He teased and she smacked his arm.
"Okay so she was perfect … I didn't see a wedding ring on her finger maybe it's not too late for you" she joked.
"My point is that all that time I thought that what I wanted was someone just like you …"
"And Frankie taught you that you didn't want someone just like me?" Angela was confused.
"Exactly."
"So you didn't want me?"
"No … that's not what I'm saying"
"Then what are you saying because I'm very confused and to be honest my mind is very foggy right now with thoughts of you naked in that bed right over there and we are still standing here so get to the point."
"The point is … that day I realized that I didn't want someone like you … I wanted you. Just you and that was the day that I knew that no matter who she was, if she wasn't you I was never gonna love her."
"Tony" she breathed.
"I love you Ange and I am so sorry that I spent so many years trying to find someone that could make me feel the way you do … when I knew in my heart that no one could ever compare."
He wiped her tear soaked cheeks.
"You know … I was already going to let you have your way with me tonight you didn't need to get into all that" she uttered between sobs.
"Come here you" he took her in his arms and held her tight.
"Tony?" She whispered
Tony pulled away slightly to look at her.
"Now we can finish what we started downstairs?" her voice was as sweet as molasses.
Tony laughed. "You're the boss," he teased.