A/N: Update: 3rd Nov 21...
Author calls out: Hello? (Echo's) Anyone here? (Echo's).
Hello my dears, guess who? I hope everyone has been looking after themselves, especially through these tough and confusing times. Obviously, if you've been following this little story from the beginning, you'll have realized that there is no new chapter and I apologize for that. Just like everyone, I have been affected by the pandemic, my already strenuous depression and anxiety shot up tenfold. I haven't been in the right mindset to sit down and put pen to paper.
Personally, it's been very hard gathering my thoughts just to manage on a general day to day basis, never mind factoring in the bad days. So, persuading myself to sit down and continue with this has been beyond hard for me. But here I am, I don't know for how long unfortunately, I'm not sure whether I'm going to keep my stories and continue them, or shut my account down completely, writing used to be an escape for me, something to focus on and in a sense clear my head for a couple of hours but even that has become a hard task within itself.
I'm starting off small, I'm reviewing the chapters that are already written, obviously when I first started this, I was limited with the movies, now there's a few extra more to factor in, I'll be following the movie timelines but will branch off here and there. So, if I don't keep true to a certain movie, here's your warning in advance.
I'll try my best to stay up to date, of at least be consistent. Thank you to those that have been with me from the beginning, it's been a long process.
Love, Holly!
It Start With The Touch Of His Hands
Set 3 months after the battle of Sokovia.
Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom.
Date: August 23rd.
Third person P.O.V
A dull, off white light claws its way through the darkness, the only light source within the room. The small, rectangle of light brightens for a moment, allowing the location of it to be found coming from a mobile phone, sitting somewhat half haphazardly against an open book. The screen brightens again for a moment before a melody plays softly, breaking the silence of night, slightly rousing the sole occupant in the room from her place on the sofa, but not enough to wake her fully. The alarm she'd set was one of three so if this one didn't wake her, there was defiantly more to come, the song she'd set with the alarm begins to rise in volume, the beat kicks in and plays the first verse.
"I have been crazy. But that's just alright, alright. I have been lonely. But that's just alright, alright.
My feelings I don't hide them, hide them, hide them. Inside they keep on burning, burning, burning.
Your feelings you shouldn't hide them, hide them, hide them.
From me.
Nah, nah , nah no oh!"
Fulfilling it's purpose as promised, the alarm further rouses the snoozing figure, she finally begins to awakens from her sleep but stares confusedly into the darkness for a moment, her phone brightens again as the volume of the song increases too, the light finally catches her attention and her tired eyes shift to the phone before she realizes what has woken her and why. Reaching over, she tiredly and a little bit blindly because of the brightness, begins patting her hand against the cold surface of the glass coffee table in hopes she's able to find her phone, and silences the damn alarm.
"That can not be the time already?!" She grumbles to herself for a moment.
Her tiredness makes her clumsy as she knocks her phone against the glass and the vibrations from the movement echoes around the small flat, the noise startles her awake completely. She squints against the brightness of the phone's light to find that it honestly is 11:45 at night. A few unhappy groans tumble from her lips as she rolls back into the comfort of her sofa, she lays there for a few more minutes, giving her mind and body time wake itself enough to stand without falling. Given her clumsy nature, that is wishful thinking.
"This isn't going to get jobs done." She mumbles to herself as she sighs and gives her weary limbs a stretch before sitting up again and taking in her empty living room, minus herself of course. Her gaze drops a little as a sense of loneliness sets in but she brushes that away just as quick as it comes.
It's late, that is much and she felt more tired now than what she did before she went to sleep. She would have loved nothing more than to curl back up on the sofa, pick right back up off where her dream had broken off from. But alas as she has spoken, there is work to be done. Stifling a yawn the young woman; clothed in a very old pair of pyjama boxer shorts and a thin spaghetti strapped top, she mentally pep talks herself into moving away from the very comfortable, soft and only just recently warmed to the right temperature sofa, to softly pad her way to the kitchen.
She is greeted by the soft light of the half moon, who is filtering it's white rays through the kitchen windows, this gives her enough light to work with as she finds her laptop, still sitting on the kitchen counter from where she last left it, lifting the lid the device makes a few stirring noise before it starts up. She had put it into sleep mode before she also went into sleep mode and all the apps and documents she had been working on beforehand are sitting at the ready for her on her desktop. Which included Skype, a couple of Google tabs on travelling paths and times, a word document and a photo album.
"Oh, sweet baby Jesus that's bright." Squinting with teary eyes against the light of the laptop screen, she struggles to find the brightness toggle against the harsh light but becomes victorious eventually and adjusts accordingly. She begins checking the documents and programmes she's left running and makes a few quick adjustments.
Happy that everything is how she left it, she walks away still blinking repeatedly as she tries to get rid of the funny shaped blobs that have been caught up in her sight. Chuckling to herself as she stumbles up to the counter that has her trusty kettle and the sacred three jars: tea, coffee and sugar. She flicks the switch on the kettle before lifting her cup off of the draining board and adding a bag of her favourite brand of tea and one tea spoon full of sugar whilst said kettle boils. A little too loudly for her opinion but given she was never a morning person, she lets the noise wash over her as the thought of a lovely brew entices her mind to wake up properly.
As the kettle boils, she silently thanks God that the 'whistling' mechanism on the kettle, had called it quits and had broke on her earlier this week because she was in no mood to have it screaming at her at this time of the night.
PING!
She smiles slightly into the darkness as the all too familiar sound originating from the speakers of her laptop floats to her ears, she lazily flicks her gaze from the cup of tea that she had poured the now boiled water into and begins stirring milk into, to the clock on the kitchen wall. She has to squint slightly again to try and decipher the time using the light coming from the laptop. Still too tired and in denial that it is dark enough that she needs to turn a light on.
"Twelve bells, as usual." She murmurs to herself once she finally reads the time 12:00, the tone behind the murmur was more of a 'right on time' kind of tone. As she knew exactly why, what and who the reason behind the noise was. Screwing the lid back onto the milk carton, she moves silently across the stonework tiled flooring of her kitchen, slips the spoon into the sink before placing the milk back into it's place in the fridge.
PING!
"Oh hold your horses." She mutters in annoyance at the summons as she half jogs on her tip toes b ack to the counter to grab her cup.
"Shit, shit, shit that's hot." Not realizing she has filled the cup up a bit more the usual, she suffers a few minutes of discomfort from the splattering of hot tea.
She has to concentrate though and take her time with the overfilled cup as she walks cautiously to the kitchen counter before seating herself at it. She swipes a finger against the mouse pad and her screensaver of pictures disappear, bringing her Skype page back to her eyes. She searches around her laptop but comes up short for the thing that she was looking for, before patting her head and rolling her eyes at herself as she begins untangling her glasses from off of her sleep mussed hair.
"How the hell these things stayed on top of my head whilst I was asleep, I will never know." She mutters to herself as she uses the bottom of her top to quickly clean them before putting them on.
She double checks that the person trying to contact her is the very one she's been waiting for, tests the temperature of the hot liquid with tentative sip before she sets the cup aside satisfied and clicks 'Connect'. For a moment the screen stays between limbo as it opens the connection and she waits patiently, leaning back into her chair as she watches the little buffering symbol as it continues its rotating sequence for a few more seconds before the image of a familiar face greets her.
"Oh finally!" A woman's voice proclaims. "I've been waiting ages for you to answer missy!" The woman on the other side of the connection sasses playfully and half-heartedly glares through the screen. The similarities between both women are shocking; both are gifted with long golden hair, green eyes and dusky rose coloured lips. There's no doubting that they are related, however the woman on the screen is evidently older, if the slight appearance of crow's feet peaking out at the corner of her eyes is any indication.
"Oh please Liz, it was a couple of minutes you little drama queen." The younger woman retorts with a grin before she reaches for her cup to take another sip; she holds it against her chest, reveling in it's warmth as she rolls her eyes playfully before replying. "And besides, need I remind you of what time it is in this particular part of the world?" She says sweetly to this 'Liz' moving so she's leaning forward to rest her elbows against the table, quickly taking another sip, she gives 'Liz' a better look at the 'not impressed' expression on her face.
"Yeah, yeah I know it's late Mads but you're my sister and that means I can call at any given time and you have to answer, it's in the handbook." Liz pauses in playful thought. "Page twenty-one, chapter seven, paragraph four." Another pause. "Right before the chapter on the many meanings behind 'I love you!'" Madison or Mads for short laughs as her sister Liz batters her eyelashes in mock innocence.
"Don't act all innocent with me Liz, I know better, that shit doesn't work on me." Madison laughs before her she pauses in thought, though these thoughts are less playful and more foreboding. She looks down for a moment, before clearing her throat. "And are you sure you're not getting yourself confused with the other handbook you have?" She questions and Liz's face drops slightly as she catches the hidden meaning and tone behind it before bouncing back to her quirky-self.
"Oh come on Mads, this again?" Madison looks back up and her glare clearly states her thoughts. Liz sighs. "Look, I know you don't like it when you're the last to know about the missions I go on." She pauses and looks clearly at her sister. "But please don't give me one of your speeches tonight, sis. You know the protocols and what to expect from them." Madison sighs as Liz finally shows how tired and stressed she is because of her job. And a flicker of guilt washes over her. She sets the half empty cup back onto the counter top and drags a hand across her face before pinching her fingers against the bridge of her nose.
"I know, I know. But surely there's a line that got drawn somewhere." She asks honestly. "Surely they can't expect the loved ones of their staff to simply sit and wait for good knows how long, for them to turn around and say you're dead. Why can't you or at least someone else let me know when or if something has happened? Not when you've recovered from the mission weeks or months after." A huff of air escapes Mads' lungs are she tries to control her emotions. "I don't know who they think the are, or why they assume that I'd simply sit here happily, with no information other than you've gone missing, or you've been injured from a mission. Surely there are other agents who have families that worry about them?"
"I hear where you're coming from Madison. I do." Liz agrees tiredly. "You've always been the worrier in the family, and fiercely protective, you've always had a heart of gold. And everyone knows that, there are other agents who have families, there a certain measures in place to protect them. Some have safe houses, some are wiped off the grid completely, some who don't even have the slightest clue as to what there husband or wife, son or daughter, sister or brother do for a living. Sometimes not knowing is best." Mads snorts sarcastically in response and Liz smiles knowingly. "And then there's you. Who threatens the bosses. If they don't give up what they know."
"Too bloody right I do." Madison agrees as she takes a victory sip from her tea. "After what happened the last time you went on a mission and all, I would've thought that they could at least be a little bit more caring to your next of kin." She says tiredly as she looks back at Liz, assessing Liz's sluggish posture and the bags under her eyes now that she's finally talking to someone besides her colleagues. "It's one thing to know your sister is a agent of a secret organisation. It's another thing to know that said organisation was S.H.E.I.L.D. A good thing hydra made it's move and now neither no longer exists, if I got a hold of the bastards in charge." She trails off and Liz grins but nods in agreement. She opens her mouth to make a comment on the last part of her sisters sentence but thinks better of it.
"But that thing with Sokovia? And the Avengers? Against an insane robot. Created by Stark of all people, like seriously does no-one monitor him?" Madison asks Liz frustratedly as she picks her tea back up, needing to hold something to keep her grounded.
"This is Stark sis, Tony Stark. He's impulsive. He does what he wants, whenever he wants, with what he thinks is good intentions and then guilt trips himself for the consequences he's caused after." Liz explains but the way she says it, almost makes Mads think that this is something she says on a daily basis, as if the answer is an answer within itself.
"Still, put that kid in a timeout or something. Good intentions or not." Liz hums half heartedly in agreement. "Look, as I said, I don't like being the last to know about things concerning your job especially when it's dangerous and definitely when it comes to not being informed about it whilst said dangerous job is in a remote part of Russia and I have to find out about it via the News of all things. I get it, there's secrets that need to be held, a need to know basis and information that's classified on different levels. I can accept that. And I get the thing with Ultron was out of the blue and no-one could have prepared for that. But I didn't know what to think. S.H.I.E.L.D never had anything in place for the families of it's staff. Surely Stark, the genius he is, thought ahead, has an ounce of compassion and has a fallback in place should this happen to a member of his staff?
"I'm sure there is, but like you said, Ultron happened so fast, we didn't have enough time to pull our heads from our asses, it was all hands on deck, everyone was working to help the Avengers and the city of Sokovia. We never stopped to think of what consequences our actions would cause."
"Tell that to Stark." Mads mutters. "Everyone thinks the worst, especially in those types of events. And yet here I was on this side of the world, thinking to myself, is my sister there?" Madison pauses for a moment, staring blindly into her cup as her mind, already back tracking to months previously, to the when she was in the middle of eating her lunch when the News suddenly brought up a live feed of Sokovia. She blinks away a few tears and swallow the lump in her throat.
"Mads I-" Liz starts.
"You didn't call." She pauses, still staring into her cup as she remembers. "You didn't answer any of my texts, didn't pick up my voicemails or even acknowledge the hefty amount of missed calls I left." She sniffles as a stray tear escapes. "I waited 6 days Liz. Whilst everyone else went back to their own lives, I waited by the house phone; had my mobile to hand every second of the day and even had my laptop constantly plugged in so it didn't lose power in case you contacted me that way. 6 days of my heart growing emptier, of feeling like I was being swallowed up. Of not feeling anything other than loneliness and heartache. I didn't want to mourn in case you were still alive. I didn't want to celebrate in case you had died. 6 days Liz."
Liz has the decency to stay quiet, out of respect for her sister but knowing she was close to being just as emotional as Madison was at this current moment.
"That moment, when my phone rang, I expected another scam caller, because that's the calls I got whilst waiting. And when you finally called. It was like I was able to breath again, I was finally able to feel, I wasn't drowning. You spoke about everything that happened to you during those 6 days and the ones before, but you never thought about what happened to me, you were able to brush off the experience so easily, so casually as if it were just a walk in the park. And when the call ended, I cried, I cried for the 6 days of my life that I lived thinking the worst of the worst had happened. I cried because of the hurt you made me feel by thinking so selfishly, I cried for how angry you, Stark and that tin can man who thought he could rule the world. So angry that I wanted to take on everyone who stood in my way, including yourself and the Avengers." She looks up and points to the screen as if the emphasize her point and to furthermore show Liz that she would've gone through with it.
"I know you would have sweetie. And I understand if you felt, or still feel that way. In my order of work, we have to compartmentalize, we switch off our emotions. This helps us with our missions."
"Doesn't make you any better than the tin can man, makes you less human. At what point do you lose your humanity completely?"
At this point, the question's response is silence. Madison's point, as harsh as it was, has a truth to it. At what point does one truly lose their humanity, if part of ones job is be cold and emotionless on several occasions, at what point does turning their humanity back on, make them human.
"I, I don't know what to say. I never considered that." Liz replies slowly. "I admit, part of the job role, sometimes, we have to make decisions, hard decisions, ones that leave a lasting impression. Decisions between life and death. Taking a life or saving one. Disconnecting from the situation, is what we are trained to do, it's how we can carry on with our lives without feeling regret."
"Who's to say, that turning your humanity on and off that often, takes a piece away every time, then what, what do you become then, the perfect soldier? A monster?"
Another bought of silence.
"What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?" Liz whispers.
"I can't tell you that Liz." Madison replies. "But for the sake of my sanity and potentially yours, I seriously think you should consider what you do for a living, just because you're good at something, doesn't necessarily mean that thing is good for you. What procedures does Stark have in place for after missions? Does Stark agree with the way agents conduct the missions? What protocols does he have for after the missions, strenuous ones, that require informing next of kin? Because, and I'm being honest here, S.H.I.E.L.D was shit. If you're going to sing Stark's praises, at least have it for the right reasons."
"You bring up valid points, I never had to consider this before. When I started at S.H.I.E.L.D, Fury told assure me that if anything happened to me, you'd be taken care of. I was so awe shocked at the opportunity, I just kind of took the contract and his word for it. And after that, it was all hands on, and fast paced, I never had a chance to stop and think."
"Maybe they did that for a reason, stops you from asking questions." A raised eyebrow on Madison's part and wide eyes on Elizabeth's part proves said point. "Thought as much."
"So, maybe I need to see Stark and raise some concerns. And I need to evaluate my decisions and how it's effecting me and what effect it has on my family."
"I'm not trying to guilt trip you Liz, but I'm worried about you. I want to know that you're okay and work is looking after you and not just using you. That you're not just a number they can cross off. I don't want my sister coming home one day and I don't even recognize her. We've always been excellent at communication, we've always kept in touch every day. Whether it be a text, call or email. We have a regularly scheduled catch up each week. But there's a pattern that I've noticed, whenever you go on a missions, you chat less and less, it's almost like radio silence and when you came back from one, I'd never hear from you for weeks. And not for lack of trying on my end. You can refer to Jack Randles in complaints for that." A small chuckle emits from Liz as she recalls the conversation with him.
"I understand, what I see as ideals for the job, you see as concerns for my health. I'd have never have noticed that because everyone else is in the same boat as me. But you do, you always do. I know you've never been onboard with my joining S.H.I.E.L.D, especially after being head hunted by Fury, I think him turning up in England to try and sweet talk you into persuading me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. has left you bitter with him ever since."
"With good reason, you weren't there for that conversation, he still can't look me in the eye, especially when he checks in with me."
"He does?"
"Oh yeah, I think I impressed him that day he visited. He checks in every now and then, personally I think it's to reassure him that nothing has happened to you and I won't be an a warpath headed straight for him. And you know for being the tough guy he is, that threat about removing the other eye if he ever thinks about withholding information from me again, really got to him."
"What the hell did yous talk about?" Liz says incredulously.
"That's between me and Fury. And I'd imagine if I told you, he'd deny it until the day he dies. Again. For real. Anyways, if you've ever noticed, whenever I visit, that's the reason why he makes the effort to avoid me. Plus he holds you in the same respect as Hill and Romanoff. He happens to be in their lives just as much as yours, makes sense he checks in on me too."
"You'd kick his ass otherwise."
"Yes I would. And he bloody well knows it."
"Never mind highly trained ex assassins, it's the geordie women you have to look out for."
A moment of silence enters the flat again. Both contemplating Liz's words and how true the meaning is.
"Look Mad's, I didn't to cause a fight, or make anyone upset. We've both said some things, eye openers in a sense. We're both taking something away from this conversation and putting action into place, at least on my end, I can promise that." Madison nods in understanding and agreement.
"I never intended for the conversation to go in the direction it did, I just wanted a catch up with my best friend. Evidently this has been stewing longer than it should have and I've been sitting on it longer than I'd like to admit. A part of me wants to apologize for it, but another part doesn't."
"I get that sweetie, I do."
"But let's move on from that, we've covered that point now. Last we spoke you said something about Stark being up to something again."
"He's moving the Avenger's and those employed within the task force that assists them, to a different location. Obviously I can't say where or when as I haven't been given those specs. I just know that he wants to keep us, the team wise, somewhere remote. Meaning we're less likely to be made targets in the big city, not to mention the tower isn't exactly discreet. He's also extended a hand to the ex S.H.I.E.L.D agents who Hydra's claws never dug themselves into, don't worry though, the application, testing and interview stages are taken seriously, very rigorously. No stone left unturned. He's not missing a beat with this one."
"Don't blame him either. Can't exactly fault him there."
"His heart is in the right place, surely you can agree with that. But yes, granted, the way he's goes about things and how he gets them done, is questionable. For being a genius, he can sure be a dumb ass at times." Madison snorts and raises her almost empty mug in a toast of agreement.
"Here, here. That boy needs a babysitter."
"You offering? Because I can tell you, there's several people I know who will be grateful."
"He couldn't afford me." Madison chuckles. "I have patience but I think he'd have me climbing the walls within the first 5 minutes of meeting him, so no thank you. I'd like to keep my sanity. And besides, babysitting him would take me away from what I love doing most."
"Which finally brings us to our main reason for calling, because baby sister has G-R-A-D-U-A-T-E-D!" Liz sings before squealing and clapping her hands. "To which I couldn't be prouder of or happier about." She grins excitedly through the camera.
"Thank you. Although I may not have entirely been forth coming."
"What do you mean?"
"You know how I'm an over achiever? I have something to tell you, well more so clear up a few things. First of all, I've been a qualified Doctor for the past year; I told you I was taking my Masters degree when really it was Doctorate."
"No! You mean?"
"Yes! I am and officially have been a qualified Doctor Lizzy, for the past year! A DOCTOR!" Both women screamed to each other in excited disbelief." And before you ask, as to what I've been doing with my time, a friend of mine invited me to join her Private Surgery on a temporary basis so I could get a roof over my head and a name to put out there if I got a better offer somewhere else." Liz's eyes widened in disbelief at hearing this.
"But wait, how?! Don't you have to be a little older, what field did you pick? You're only 25!" Liz gasped out as reality hit her.
"Slightly complicated but essentially because I excelled in both my Bachelor and Master years with the highest marks, I got through my Doctorate a lot faster too. There were no cutting corners or favouritism involved, I genuinely did my work, I worked my arse off for it all and it's paid off. I've had to change my name and all of my details over and everything! It's all surreal!" She watches as Liz continues to stare at her in disbelief, her mouth agape and both hands held up against her cheeks, she let out a laugh and Liz let out a chuckle.
"Oh my God." Liz pauses. "Oh my God. OhmyGod!" Liz loses her gaze as a moment of disbelief washes over her before she blinks and finally sees her sister as if it's the first time over again. "Mads, you did it!"
"I know."
"You have to come to New York, like now. This achievement can not wait, it has to be celebrated. I'll speak with Tony and get some time off so we can do just, in fact, I'll do it now." Liz disappeared from view for a moment.
"Liz? Lizzy? Elisabeth, you there?" Madison coos before Liz appears back to the computer with her phone in her hand.
"Mads, start packing! Just the essentials, literally nothing but the essentials, I'm taking you shopping and everything. And we're going to celebrate in style. Just pack and sit tight, I'll sort this all out, I'll ring you at oh-seven-hundred with the details and your ass better be packed! Love you. Gotta go. Bye!" Liz quickly blew a kiss after she'd babbled out orders before the screen went blank and Skype informed Madison that the connection had ended.
She stared at the screen in bewilderment before moving into action.
"Well, alrighty then." Closing the lid she picks up her laptop and practically skips to her room in hopes to start packing and to get a couple of hours sleep, setting her laptop down on her bedroom desk, she reaches over and turns the lamp on beside her bed before putting her laptop and charger cable into its travel bag. She glances at the digital clock on her bedside table to find that its reads 2:17am.
"Were we really talking for that long? Good God!" Sighing to herself for not realizing just how much time can fly by, she rubs a hand over her face as she stares at the corner of her bed in thought.
"Well, I best get a move on." She says to herself before bending to rest her knees on floor and began wrestling with her suitcase from it's position underneath the bed. She manages to grasp the strap firmly between her hands and gives it an almighty tug, however it doesn't budge. At all. However, a far from comforting sound emits from under her bed and she only has a few seconds to react before the left hand side of her bed collapses to the floor.
"Ah bollocks!"