Chapter 4

Another long week passes. Seth and I have taken to walking some of the coastal paths each day, requiring him to drive us to the beginning of the footpaths, which is hopefully away from prying eyes that have started in the mornings when we walk around the neighborhood. I can tell that my stamina is improving. The pain seems to be gone and my weariness is dissipating. I hope that Seth will pronounce me with a clean bill of health soon.

He must know what I am thinking, as we both stand at the cliff's edge on this Saturday afternoon, looking to sea. It has been almost four weeks now since my surgery, and nearly three weeks since we married. The waiting is killing me. At my age, I never thought I would be anxious for intimacy again, as though I was half my age, but I am. I'm not sure how Seth manages to stay so calm, even as I know from my failed attempt at pleasing him that one night, that he does want me.

The wind is brisk and the waves are strong. The water is dark blue and alluring. The sea always calms me, even when it seems angry. Seth steps closer to me, blocking some of the wind from my body, pulling me into an embrace. His arms tighten around me and we stand together in silence at first.

I tuck my face into his neck and breathe him in. He smells like the sea breeze, with a hint of peppermint from the candy bowl he keeps on his desk for his patients. I think he missed a small spot shaving this morning, as I can feel a hint of stubble against my face. Shifting slightly, I detect his heart pounding at the pulse point in his neck. Whenever he holds me, I feel such peace and wellbeing, knowing I am safe in his arms.

I must have sighed or made some sound of frustration, because I hear Seth chuckle before saying, "Not much longer, Jess. I promise."

I'm not going to pretend I don't know exactly what he is referring to. Instead, I say, "I'm better, Seth. I know it."

"I know."

"So, when?"

"Soon."

I sigh like a petulant child.

Turning me gently back to the footpaths, he kisses my cheek, and we head back to the trailhead and the car.

He promised that I could help make chowder tonight and when we arrived back home, we began to cook. I am excited to be back in the kitchen cooking, and not just sitting at the table watching Seth. He did make me sit down a couple of times when we allowed the chowder to simmer and he continued the final prep work.

Later that evening, the chowder was ready and it was delicious. The garlic bread that Seth baked was a wonderful accompaniment. I ate everything in sight. Clearly, my appetite was back and I would need to be careful not to overdo it. But I have lost so much weight since this all began, that hopefully that won't happen. But Seth nodded his approval when he picked up my bowl and saw it was empty. I stood to help him dry the dishes and it was quiet but peaceful doing this simple task together.

Setting up the chess board, we sat across from each other and played a match. I lost this time, too, but not due to any senseless errors. I made Seth work for it tonight, and I feel proud of my effort.

"Would you like to play again, Jess?"

I consider, but decide that I would much rather have a bath. Now that the incisions have healed and the sutures removed, Seth finally let me start bathing a week ago and I have been enjoying it immensely.

"Actually…"

"You would like to soak in the tub?"

"How did you know?"

"I know you, woman. Besides, it's a good idea. I know it helps you relax. Let's go upstairs and I'll run the hot water for you."

Gathering my things, I entered the bathroom. Seth was leaning over the tub getting the hot water going. When he stood back up, he turned and asked if I wanted bubbles. For some reason, this made me giggle.

"What a fun idea. But I don't think I have any bubble bath."

"Yes, you do. Because I bought you some this morning when I ran to the store." With that, he turns to the linen closet and pulls the bottle out. It's jasmine scented and smells heavenly.

"Smell alright?"

"Yes, lovely."

He turns to pour some into the water and the bubbles begin to multiply. I undress and he stays close by until I lower myself into the water.

"Alright, love. You have everything you need?"

"I think so. But where are you going?"

"I need to go grab a few things downstairs. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes."

Within another ten minutes, he pops back in and asks if I am alright. When I confirm that I am, he says he is going to undress for bed and will be back to help me out soon. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth over my body. I feel strong again. Not necessarily one hundred percent, but near enough.

When Seth returns again, I am ready to get out of the bathtub. He helps me stand, handing me the towel and then holding my hand, as I step out. I think I am probably fine to do this on my own now, but he likes helping and I love having my husband close by.

Once I am out of the water, he kisses my cheek and tells me that he will be in the bedroom.

I chose a fresh set of pajamas tonight. A deep red with a matching robe. I knew the color was striking on me. Sure enough, when I enter the bedroom, Seth's mouth drops open and I smile.

"Do you approve?"

"Always. That is a lovely color on you."

I smile again, as I take my robe off and put it across the foot of the bed. Climbing beside him, I notice that the lights directly by the bed are off, but the reading light by the window is on and is casting a soft glow in the room. On the reading chair is Seth's medical bag.

"Is something wrong?"

Seth takes a deep breath. "Not at all."

"Why the bag then?"

"Well, your lab work came back today and all the numbers were good. So, I was wondering if you would be alright if I examined your incision one more time and took your vitals. See if perhaps…"

The implication is clear.

I feel breathless as I nod fervently, not trusting myself to speak.

He gets back out of the bed and brings his bag to sit at the foot. He quickly takes my blood pressure, noting it is perfectly normal. Next, he takes my temperature, then feels my throat. Getting his stethoscope out, he listens to my heart and lungs, before moving down to my abdomen. Removing the stethoscope from his ears, he pulls up my pajama top just enough to look closely to verify that the incision is fully closed still and no signs of infection. Then, carefully, he begins to push all around looking for any sign of pain on my face. I maintain eye contact with him, willing myself to not show any distress. Yet, I am aware even as I have that thought, that there is no distress. I really do feel well.

He pulls my top back down and clears his throat, "Jess, you might not be fully one hundred percent yet, so I don't want you overdoing it. For another couple of weeks, I am still going to pamper you and not let you be on your feet too long or work all day. But I think, woman, you are back to health."

There is a sparkle in his eyes as he regards me.

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Ayuh, I believe it does, my dearest."

"Get over here now!"

Seth chuckles, as he puts all of his medical paraphernalia back in his bag on the chair. He leans over to turn off the lamp, and I rush to tell him not to.

He looks back at me, curiously.

Suddenly, I feel shy, but I tell him, "I have never seen you. I would like us to be able to see, especially the first time." I know I am blushing now, as I feel the heat creep into my face.

"You won't hear an argument from me, woman. There is nothing I would like more."

Getting back into bed beside me, Seth pulls me to him gently, even as his mouth claims my own. There is nothing to stop us now. No impediments. Other than perhaps his own concern of not hurting me in any way. I can feel the carefulness that he is exerting, even as I sense his desire mounting.

Raggedly, he pulls away from my mouth for just a moment, as he whispers, "Jess, if we are going to do this, I need you to promise me one thing."

"Anything," I say, as I reach for his face, beginning to leave a trail of kisses down his neck.

He pulls me back up to him, holding my head in place, as he gains my full attention.

"Jess, you have to promise me that if anything hurts, you tell me immediately." He must sense my frustration, as he adds, "Jess, you had internal stitches as well. They should have healed, but it's nothing I can see or feel to make sure. Only by feeling pain, will you know if something hasn't healed yet. It doesn't mean that we have to stop. We may be able to continue by repositioning, but I need to trust that you will tell me."

I do not want to promise. But I do. Because I know this man loves me more than anything and is clearly ready to sacrifice himself for my well-being.

"I promise."

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, he crushes his mouth against my own again, and his hands search my body with a ferocity that has never been there before. He has finally unlocked his own passion, and meeting his with my own is like dynamite. I can feel myself start to grow warm all over, even as I feel him unbutton my shirt, pushing it quickly to the side.

I reciprocate by pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it towards the foot of the bed. His curly white hair on his chest is soft and I run my hands through it, tugging just slightly, and feeling his body respond with a jerk and a groan, even as I feel him roll me onto my back, his hands going down to my hips, pulling me closer to him. I gladly move my hips in sync with his, even as I feel him becoming more aroused with every second.

I begin panting now, but Seth is still in control and I relish not having any. He pulls up on his elbows, looking down at me, and for the first time, I see his gaze slowly make his way down to my chest, lingering there. He inhales deeply, looking back up to my eyes.

The heat from our bodies feels flammable, as he whispers, "You're my wife now. I can look." He says this almost in amazement.

I smirk, "Well, you have been my doctor for years. And the last few weeks, you have seen me plenty."

"I know that woman, but it was different, and you know it. And besides, you always had a women's health doctor. I just treated you for the occasional illness. And these last few weeks, I tried not to look…much…it didn't feel right, you not feeling well and being vulnerable."

"I know. It is very different now. But you are my husband, Seth. You can look all you want." I hold his face in my hands, urging him to take from me, even as I freely give myself to him. Lowering my voice, I add, "And I need you. Please."

That jolts him back into the present, as he smiles slightly, and whispers, "Well, then, I aim to please, my dear."

With that, he leans down to give me a smoldering kiss, lingering in my mouth, even as he again used one hand to pull my hips to his own. A moan came up from deep inside me. Before I could inhale again, he began moving down my neck and very quickly reaching my breasts, where he gently began to touch and hold them, sighing as he did. Beginning to plant kisses down my sternum, his palms pressed on each one, with his thumbs ever so slightly rubbing over top.

It has been so long and to say I am aroused, would be a gross understatement. I feel almost out of control, which is startling. But I grip Seth's arms tightly, and as he lowers his mouth to my breast, I gasp in delight. I feel my toes curl, and even as my body tenses, I try to relax again, as I force my toes to relax as I maintain my hold on him, but loosen my fingers just slightly, breathing in and out slowly and letting Seth savor my body, even as I relish how he is making me feel.

He moves over to the left one, but uses his thumb to continue rubbing the right. I feel his tongue create a slow, delightful pattern, as he continues pleasuring me. My hips continue to press against him, trying to get as much friction and contact as possible, as I move one of my hands from his arm, up to cup his face, touching his softly, as he continues to love me.

After a long while, he opens his eyes and looks up to make eye contact.

"I've dreamt of doing this."

"I've dreamt of letting you."

His eyes widened in surprise.

"And now the dreams can become reality," and as he says that, I see his eyes darken while maintaining eye contact, as he reaches down to tug off my pajama bottoms and underwear in one smooth motion. I maintain eye contact, as I tug off his own boxers.

Finally, our bodies are touching fully skin-to-skin, and I sigh in wonder.

I feel him reach tentatively with his hand between my legs, feeling me before gently probing inside. My body jerks of its own accord, as he then, confidently finds what I have long forgotten exists and I immediately hiss in a long low voice, "Sethhh…"

He continues to move his fingers and I may ignite far quicker than I anticipated. I had prepared myself that due to age, time, and the healing process, that I may not have any kind of completion. But if the last few seconds is any indication, I was dead wrong.

He murmurs, "I believe you are ready, my love."

I nod again. I can't say anything else, even as I cling to him.

He moves my legs carefully apart, and enters me slowly and oh so, gently. Even so, the fullness that I have not experienced in years may have been welcome, but was still a jolt to my body. My back inverts and I groan loudly. He immediately stops, waiting to see if I am hurt.

"You aren't hurting me. I'm just tight. It has been a long time," I managed to get out.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Just move slowly please."

He does, very slowly, while watching my face the whole time. I stare into his eyes and thankfully, with the light on, I get the opportunity to see how his eyes dilate and his own breath begins to mirror mine. As the minutes go by, I urge him slightly with my hips to speed up a little, as my body has quickly adjusted and what discomfort there was, is gone now.

After a while, Seth begins to trust that I am really alright, and leans his body back down to mine, to reclaim my lips with his own. I wrap my legs around his, pulling him to me as close as possible. With our bodies finally together in every way possible, I feel close to nirvana.

Seth pulls back slightly, and whispers, "I have an idea."

And just after saying that, he quickly but somehow still gently, rolls me over to where I am on top of him and he is on his back.

"Now, my love, you can control the speed and intensity, and…I get to watch."

I feel my eyes widen. Not only has it been years since I have been intimate with anyone, but I forgot how this position feels so bold and brazen. Yet, with the way Seth is looking at me, and running his hands up my sides and down to my hips, he is enjoying it. I tuck my knees to either side of his body, and lean forward. His eyes are glued to me and I feel my cheeks grow red. I feel shy, but he makes me feel so attractive and desirable that I want to give as much as he is giving me.

I begin to rock back and forth and Seth joins me. The friction that I can control in this position is intoxicating. I feel powerful and in charge, which is exactly opposite to how we started, but I find that I enjoy both feelings and situations equally in their own way.

What shocks me though, is when Seth reaches to feel between us, touching me, and the moment he does, I feel my insides begin to tighten. Within minutes, I capitulate over the edge and double over on top of his body, groaning and moaning in spasms, even as my body begins to tremble in the aftereffects. Seth moves his hips once more against mine, causing him to jerk beneath me, reaching his own end point, even as I hear him say my name in my ear. I feel shaken in the best way possible.

We have collapsed against each other and our breathing takes a long while to regulate. My face is nestled against his neck and I sigh in contentment, feeling wonderfully sated. I can feel his heartbeat below me, as it was pounding the whole time and is now starting to return to a normal beat. Moving my hand across his chest, I play with his chest hair, as he begins to slowly move his hands up and down my back.

After a long while, I look up and when he looks at me, I whisper, "Seth Hazlitt, I love you more than life itself."

"Jess, you are everything to me. Thank you, my love, for loving me and becoming my wife. I adore you and the very ground you walk on."

Later, after returning from the bathroom, I turn the light off while tossing off my robe, snuggling back into the warm bed next to Seth. He spoons me, wrapping his arms around my waist, before kissing my neck.

"Thank you for coming back to bed in the nude."

I chuckle.

"I'm glad you didn't put anything on either."

"Oh? And why is that, my love?"

"Well, I don't know how long you need, but um, if we should happen to wake in the middle of the night, at least we have easy access."

He chuckles in reply and I feel his chest rumble behind me.

"That we do, my love. And I won't forget it."