Jennie
Oh Jesus fucking hell. Where's the monkey that kicked me in the head and shit in my mouth?
"I think I'm dying," I croaked.
Lisa's laughter shook the bed and forced a little bit of vomit up into my throat. I clamped my hand over my mouth and started breathing through my nose to make it stop.
"Please don't start the 'I'm dying' thing again. It's too early and I'm not awake enough to say anything comforting," Lisa replied as she slowly rubbed circles on my back.
I started to ask her what the hell she was talking about when the pounding in my head turned into flashes of memories from the night before.
"Oh my God, I sent a picture of my boobs to Jim," I moaned as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through me.
"You also threw up in the emergency room parking lot, called Sehun and told her you were the Donkey Punch Dick Queen and filled out a Last Will and Testament on a Burger King napkin and then asked the drive-thru worker to notarize it."
I am never drinking again. I am never drinking again.
"Why can't I be one of those people who black out when they drink? It would be really nice right now if I didn't have to remember these things," I muttered.
I felt the bed shift behind me and a few seconds later, Lisa's arm came around me and held a napkin in front of my face.
"Sorry, baby, even if you did black out, I still have proof of your stupidity," she said with a laugh. I grabbed the napkin from his hand and squinted at the messy writing that was all over it as she got back under the covers behind me.
"I don't wanna be def. Death. Dead. This Burger Twin nappykin just got served as my will, BEOTCH! The fries here suck, by the way. If I die, don't feed my son your shitty fries. Don't give my son to the creepy child molester king you put in your commercials either. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? He's got a normal body and a plastic face that is always smiley. It's not right, man. It's just not right. My ears feel funny."
I wondered if someone gave me a roofie last night. This was the one time in my life I hoped I got roofied, so I could blame it on something other than me being a horrible drunk.
"Wow, okay, so I've been meaning to bring up the subject of having a will drafted by a lawyer and getting a new birth certificate for Gabi that has your name on it. I probably should have done that before I drank my weight in wine," I explained.
"Well, lucky for you, I'm fluent in Jennie's Drunken Ramblings. Even though you barely knew what you were saying last night, I could tell this is important to you. It's important to me too. God forbid anything should ever happen to us, but if something does, it would make me feel better knowing Gabi is going to be okay. I mean, I know we have your dad and even though you haven't met them yet, my parents are absolutely on board with anything that has to do with Gabi, but I agree that we should also have someone younger as a back-up plan just in case. I know you're going to be insanely busy for the next month or so once the shop opens tomorrow, and we'll have no time to really sit down and discuss this, so I thought maybe we could just sort of pop in on our friends in the next few days and see how they do when they're around Gabi. You know, sort of like a secret interview."
I really wanted to throw up right now, but I had to choke it back because Lisa deserved my undivided, non-spewing attention.
"I can't believe you actually took me seriously about anything last night."
Lisa slid over to my side of the bed, pressing her body up against mine as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
"I take everything you say seriously. Even when you're sexting our friends and screaming into the drive-thru window that whoever is making your burger better not spit in it," Lisa said, placing a kiss to my temple.
I lifted my hand up in front of my face and noticed the bandage wrapped around my middle finger for the first time.
"I guess it's fitting I almost sliced off my middle finger. It will be fun to flip everyone off when they ask me what happened," I said with a sigh. "You know what I just remembered? Doyeon and Jim are babysitting his little cousin for a few hours today. I was planning on going over there so she and Gabi could play while Doyeon and I filled out the last of our paperwork. You could come with us and we could do our first super secret spy interview."
Lisa leaned up on her elbow so she could look down at me.
"Will I get to wear a secret decoder ring and make up a spy code name, like Ichybon Snagglewhip or Bonanza Challywag?"
I turned my head and looked up at her.
"Will I ever have to say those names out loud, in front of people we know?" I asked.
"Only if our cover is blown."
She laid her head back down on the pillow behind me and within seconds, I could feel her hard penis up against my ass.
"Really? Talking about Bonanza Challywag excites you?" I asked with a laugh, trying not to grimace when the action made my stomach churn.
Her hand, that rested on my stomach, snuck under my tank top and slid up the front of my body until it came in contact with my bare breast.
"Anything I say, do or think about with you excites me," she said softly as her palm feathered over my nipple. I pushed my hips back and rubbed my ass up against her length while she kneaded my breast and pressed a kiss to the side of my neck. Her head jerked away from me abruptly and her hand stopped its exploration of my flesh.
"You're going to throw up, aren't you?" she asked as I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about rainbows and kittens and other things that didn't make me want to puke.
It didn't work. Rainbows made me think of, "Taste the rainbow," which made me think of Skittles and the half-pound bag I ate last night before bed. Kittens made me think of fleas and litter boxes with little poops that looked like tootsie rolls covered in rocks and…
I bolted out of bed and raced to the bathroom, barely making it in time before I emptied the contents of my stomach—which coincidentally looked a bit like a rainbow.
"It's okay, my penis is not offended in the least that it just made you throw up," Lisa yelled from the bedroom.
Lisa got Gabi up, dressed and fed him breakfast while I took a shower and tried to feel human. As much as I hated to do it, puking actually helped. I exorcised the demons.
When I got out of the shower, I realized I didn't have any clothes...well, aside from the tank top I wore to bed and underwear. Where the hell did my clothes go?
I went through Lisa's closet and found one of her shirts and threw it on then dug through her underwear drawer for a pair of boxers. Instead, buried way in the back, I found a teeny, tiny pair of red banana-hammock briefs.
The revenge gods were smiling down on me today, my friends.
I shimmied into them and made my way out to the kitchen where Lisa was cleaning up breakfast and Gabi was giving her a run for her money.
"Mommy always lets me have candy right after breakfast."
I stood just outside of the doorway so I could see them but they couldn't see me. Gabi was seated at the kitchen table and Lisa had her back to him, loading things in the dishwasher.
"Right, candy after breakfast. And I'm Santa Claus," Lisa muttered quietly.
"You're Santa Claus?!!" Gabi asked excitedly, standing up on his chair.
Lisa whipped around to face him with a panicked look on her face.
"What? No. Well, technically... Wait, no. No, no, no. I am not Santa Claus. That was just a figure of speech," she explained.
"What's a finger of peach?"
"Shit!" Lisa muttered.
Gabi pointed at her.
"Awwwwww, you said shit," he accused, making sure to whisper the bad word.
"So did you," Lisa argued. "Don't tell your mother."
"Don't tell me what?" I asked, walking through the doorway with a smile.
Lisa sighed. "You heard that didn't you?"
I walked up to Gabi and scooped him off of the chair and into my arms for a hug.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I told her as I kissed both of Gabi's cheeks.
"How did you sleep last night, little man?"
He squeezed me as hard as he could until I had to pry his arms from around my neck so I could breathe.
"I slept good. But you crawled into my bed wif me last night and told me never to talk to kings with smiley faces," he told me.
Lisa laughed while I groaned.
I gave Gabi one last squeeze and then set him down on his feet.
"Run into your room and find your shoes, okay? We're going to see Aunt Doyeom and Uncle Jim in a little bit."
He let out a cheer of excitement and ran out of the room.
I walked over to Lisa and leaned my body into her while she lounged against the kitchen counter.
"You look good wearing my shirt," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.
I kissed her chin and looked up at her.
"I look even better wearing your tighty underoos," I said with a laugh as I reached back and lifted up a corner of her shirt so she could see.
She shook her head and sighed.
"I can't believe you found those. My boxers made me chafe at work so I thought I'd try…"
"Don't worry," I interrupted her. "I'll make sure everyone knows you wear big boy undies now."
I laughed and wrapped my arms around her neck. She bent down and gave me a sweet kiss, sucking my top lip into her mouth and making my toes curl.
"Where are my clothes?" I asked between kisses.
"Your shirt is in the garbage. You threw it there last night when we got here and you saw the blood all over it. You said you couldn't possibly ever wear something again that reminded you of how you almost died in a horrific accident. I took your jeans from you before you did the same to them. They're in the dryer right now."
I shook my head and sighed while Lisa tightened her hold on me and placed another kiss on my lips.
"Move in with me," she said suddenly.
Her lips stayed against mine and I opened my eyes so I could see her. She stared at me so intently there was no way I misheard her.
"I love you," she continued quickly. "I love Gabi. I love waking up to both of you in this house with me. I don't want to miss seeing him tie his shoes for the first time or write his name. I don't want to wake up in the morning and not see you drooling on the pillow next to me."
I laughed and smacked her arm, the conversation immediately turning lighter.
"Besides, I need a woman here to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making me chicken pot pies every night," she said with a smile.
"Well, then we've obviously never met if you want me to take on that role."
We stood there in the kitchen, wrapped in each other's arms with Lisa's junior jockey's creeping up my ass, and I realized I had never been happier.
"Yes," I told her.
Her eyebrows went up and her face lit up with a huge smile.
"Yes? Really?" she asked. "I thought for sure I'd have to resort to bribery or extortion."
I nodded my head and laughed. "Yes! We will move in with you so I can monitor the stupid shit you say and punch you in the kidney when you suggest I should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen again."
A few hours later, Doyeon and I were just finishing our paperwork at her kitchen table. Jim and Lisa were sitting at the table with us carrying on their own conversation while Gabi and Jim's eight-year-old little cousin Melissa played.
Gabi was currently in the living room watching a movie, but Melissa had been running through the kitchen at warp speed, yelling as loud as she could for the past fifteen minutes. Lisa and I passed each other secret looks every so often about the conversation we had in the car on the way over here. We weren't going to discipline Gabi at all the entire time at their house. We would let Doyeon and Jim take over and see what they did. I had first hand experience on the type of care-givers they were since they were my best friends, so this was mostly for Lisa's benefit. I knew for a fact that Doyeon and Jim were wonderful with kids and Lisa would be more than willing to assign them as Gabi's back-up guardians after today.
Surprisingly, we wouldn't need to discipline Gabi anyway. He was being very well behaved. Melissa, on the other hand, reminded me yet again while some animals in the wild eat their young. She was a terror. After her twenty-seventh pass through the kitchen, waving her hands above her head and screaming, Doyeon finally had enough.
"Melissa! Stop it," she said sternly.
The little terror did indeed stop. For two seconds. Then she started back up and ran out of the room screaming like her ass was on fire. Her ass would be on fire soon if she didn't shut the hell up.
"Is that all you're going to do?" I asked.
"No," Doyeon replied as she looked up from the paper she was signing. "Next time she runs by I'm going to kick her."
Not conventional by any means, but I was okay with that. I was daydreaming about shoving a Roman candle in her pants and dousing it with lighter fluid.
"So, Melissa seems a little…high strung," Lisa said to Jim.
Jim nodded his head in agreement. "She's a cute kid, but I can only stand her in small doses. This one time we took her to dinner with us and she was being a nightmare so Doyeon made her go sit out in the car while we paid the bill. We got halfway home before we realized she wasn't in the car," he laughed. "Remember that Doyeon? Hilarious!"
Lisa looked at me in horror and I tried not to make eye contact. The whole way here all I did was brag about how good Doyeon and Jim were with Gabi and how they'd be naturals at parenting. Oops. I forgot about that story. In their defense, Melissa was Satan. I would have driven off without her too.
Melissa made another lap through the kitchen and true to her word, Doyeon stuck her foot out. The annoying third-grader went sprawling across the floor.
"NO WIRE HANGERS EVER!" Doyeon yelled at her.
"You're weird," Melissa stated as she stood up and went running back out of the room.
"Nice work there, Mommy Dearest," I told her.
"So, Doyeon, when you have kids of your own, how are you going to discipline them?" Lisa asked.
I gave her a pointed look. We were supposed to be inconspicuous here. Asking blunt questions like that was sure to send up a red flag.
Doyeon shrugged. "Eh, I'm not big on discipline. If it's funny and no one is bleeding, you're not in trouble. That's my philosophy."
Gabi walked in then and leaned his head on my arm.
"Melissa told me no one is allowed near her no-no zone. What does that mean? I don't like her. She's loud. I told her my mommy wasn't afraid to punch a kid," he said with a sigh.
We heard Melissa yelling in the other room and some loud banging.
"What the hell is she doing in there?" Doyeon asked.
"The cat's being bad," Gabi said.
Doyeon and Jim's cat was known to be a little ball of terror, wreaking havoc on unsuspecting people when they least expected it. One time, when I was on the floor tickling Gabi, she hurtled through the air from God knows where and landed on my back with her teeth and claws inserted two inches deep into my skin. I hated that cat, but I think I hated Melissa more. Hopefully the cat was putting her in her place.
"Did the cat scratch you guys?" I asked, looking over his arms for claw marks.
"No, she won't stay in the suitcase," he explained.
All the adults at the table looked at each other in silence. At the sound of another thump from the living room, we all jumped up and ran out of the kitchen.
After making sure Melissa hadn't immediately moved herself into serial killer territory by suffocating a cat, we headed home.
"That really wasn't the best representation of their parenting skills," I tried to explain as Lisa pulled out of their driveway.
"Hey, Gabi," Lisa said as she glanced in the rear-view mirror. "What new word did Aunt Doyeon teach you today?"
"Ladyboner," Gabi said as he looked out his window.
Lisa gave me a pointed look.
"Aunt Doyeon said you got a ladyboner for Dada. Did you buy her a present? I want one too," Gabi complained.
After stopping at my house to pick up a few things, we went back to Lisa's and put Gabi down for a nap. Lisa finally gave up trying to convince me that Doyeon and Jim were off the list when I said one word.
Sehun.
If I was willing to give that giant child a try, he needed to keep an open mind with my friends. At least we agreed to wait until after the store opening tomorrow to tell Gabi that we would be moving. If we told him now, he would bug us every minute from now until we moved asking if it was time yet. I didn't need to fight the urge to lock him out of the house while I was busy with the store. One person can only take so much.
--
Lisa
After Gabi's nap, Jennie's dad stopped by to pick him up for a sleepover. He walked right in the front door without knocking and proceeded to make his way through every room. Once he had seen all there was to see, he told me the house was "good enough." Oddly, that was the nicest thing he had said to me since we met, and I kind of felt like we had a moment.
I leaned in to give him a hug and he stopped me with his hand to my forehead.
"You don't want to do that, girl."
I stepped back and gave him a sympathetic look.
"Nam, huh? Still hard for you to get close to people?" I asked.
"No. I'm still not sure you aren't gay and if you try to play grab-ass, it's gonna get real awkward when I have to snap your fingers in two."
I was going to break that man one of these days, mark my words.
We said our good-byes to Gabi and Jennie left soon after to head up to the shop and get a few last minute things made for tomorrow's opening.
I offered to meet her up there after I showered and ran a few errands.
Jennie had given me a spare key to the shop, so I let myself in through the front door two hours later. It was dark outside and I left the lights to the store off as I carefully made my way to the kitchen in the back.
I heard music playing and rounded the corner of the kitchen to see Jennie licking melted chocolate off of her middle finger. My dick sprang to life as I watched her swirl her finger through her mouth and sway her body to the erotic beats of the song that played.
I rounded the edge of the counter where she worked and stood behind her, placing my arms on either side of her with my hands flat on the counter. I leaned my body close to hers, bringing one hand up to move her hair away from her neck and pushed it behind her shoulder. She continued to work, flipping chocolate molds over and tapped the finished product out onto towels so nothing would break, her body swaying to the music and sliding against me every so often. When I put my mouth on the side of her neck, her motions got choppy.
"Are those chocolate penises and boobs?" I asked.
"Yes," she moaned as I let the tip of my tongue taste her skin. "Party favors...shit...mmmmm."
I smiled against her neck when she moaned and placed another open-mouth kiss there, this time letting my teeth graze her skin. I watched as goose bumps flushed her skin and listened to her take a shuddering breath. I continued to nip and gently suck on the side of her neck until she finally got fed up with concentrating on the chocolate molds. She dropped them to the counter and smacked her hands down next to mine, dumping over a bowl of melted chocolate in the process. The warm liquid splattered onto her hand and ran off the edge of the counter, pooling on the floor.
"Shit!" Jennie laughed as she lifted her hands from the counter and tried to shake off some of the chocolate on them. She bowed her head to look at the puddle on the floor, and I reached up and moved her hair all the way around to the front of her other shoulder so the back of her neck was wide open. I swiped my finger through the mess of melted chocolate on the counter and then trailed it along the back of her neck, leaving a smudge of chocolate behind on her skin.
"Did you just get chocolate in my hair?" she asked distractedly.
My hand snaked around her waist and I pushed it under the hem of her shirt until I touched the smooth, warm skin of her stomach. I moved my mouth towards the back of her neck and slid my hand down into her pants. My fingers slid right inside her underwear and through the soft triangle of curls. I attached my lips to her chocolate-coated skin and gently sucked as two of my fingers slid down and glided through her.
"Oh my God," she moaned softly as I pushed and pulled my fingers through her, coating them with her wetness. "Forget it, you can put chocolate wherever you want."
She felt so good, better than anything else in the world. I could stand here touching her all night and never tire of it.
I nibbled and sucked at the back of her neck, making sure to remove all of the chocolate I'd placed there. I was happy to learn that the spot right below her hairline drove her insane. Every time my teeth grazed that area, she would moan and jerk her hips into my hand. I lifted my free hand from the counter and pushed it under her shirt, lifting the cup of her bra up and over one of her breasts as I went. I cupped the fullness of her in my palm and then took two fingers and circled them all around her nipple. I copied the same motions with my other hand, my fingers circling through the heat between her legs.
The beats of the music and the sound of her soft moans filled the room, and I was about two seconds away from exploding in my pants just by listening to her and feeling her come apart in my hands. I rocked my hips into her ass and it was my turn to moan. She was soft against my hardness, wet against my warm fingers and the skin of her neck tasted salty and sweet, like the chocolate covered pretzels she made. I was about to say something really stupid like tell her she was the yin to my yang. But in all honesty, she was. I wanted more than anything for her to be mine. Forever. That thought should have scared me. If it was any other woman, it probably would. But not Jennie. Nothing about her scared me, except the thought of losing her.
Her hips started moving faster and I kissed my way over to her ear.
"I love you so much," I whispered, sliding my hand lower and pushing two fingers into her tight heat. Jennie moaned loudly as I moved my fingers in and out of her and my other hand continued to tease her nipple.
My hands were suddenly empty as they were pulled out of her and off of her breast when she abruptly turned to face me. We both looked down at the front of her shirt at the mess of chocolate that was all over it from my hands and from her leaning into the spill on the counter. I laughed until she brought both of her hands of to my cheeks and wiped the chocolate on them all over my face.
"I love you more than chocolate," she said with a smile.
Her hands slid down the front of my shirt, leaving a trail of chocolate in their wake, and went to work on my pants. Before I knew it, she had them shoved down to my thighs. I reached for her hips but she batted my hands away.
"No, no, no. It's my turn to play," she said with a wicked smile on her lips.
My dick jumped against my stomach like it was getting ready to do a jig. When she licked her lips and looked down at it, I whimpered. She reached behind her back for a second, fiddling around with something. Before I could tell her that now was not the time to start cleaning up our mess, she kissed my lips and I felt something warm and wet slide around the head of my penis.
She pulled back, slid down my body and my mouth dropped open.
Oh, sweet Jesus, is that...is she going to...
She wrapped her hand around the base of me and her lips around the head and sucked me into her mouth. I didn't even know what kind of incoherent expletives flew from my mouth. I may have said the words "shamwow" and "jiggidy" somewhere in there. I leaned over her and my hands smacked onto the counter sending splatters of chocolate all over the front of my shirt as Jennie began licking all around, making sure to get every last drop of melted chocolate she rubbed there with her fingers when she kissed me.
She was licking chocolate off of my dick. I felt like I was in a porno—a really, really good porno with better music and a superb story line. Not like that really creepy one with the guy who put peanut butter on his johnson and let his dog…
Her lips slid around and down my length, taking as much of me in her mouth as she could, and I forgot about the dick licking dog. Thank God. She started a slow rhythm, moving her head up and down, sucking harder every time she got to the tip, before plunging her mouth back down on me. I felt like I should pump my fists in the air or give Jennie a round of applause, but that would quickly turn this into bad porno territory.
I could feel my balls tighten and I wrapped my hands around her arms and pulled her up to me. As good as it felt to be in her mouth, I needed inside of her right now. I slid my hands into the waistband of her pants and underwear and slid them down her hips far enough so she could pull one leg out.
Lifting Jennie up, I sat her on the counter right at the edge, moving her to the side a little so she wasn't sitting in chocolate. I pushed her knees apart so I could get between them. Her hands fell into the puddle of chocolate on either side of her hips and I held her around her waist as she started to slip through the mess. She smacked a gooey coated hand onto my shoulder, leaving a chocolate hand-print behind and making us both laugh. She brought a chocolate coated finger from her other hand up to her mouth and spread the sugary wetness along her bottom lip.
Oh, sweet Jesus, was that porn music playing in the background? Was I starring in "Cocks and the Chocolate Factory" or "Chocolate Melts in Your Vagina, Not in your Hand"?
I swooped in and kissed her, sucking her lip into my mouth and greedily licking the chocolate off with my tongue. Once I got it all, she pushed her tongue past mine and swirled it through my mouth. She tasted like Jennie and chocolate, and I had a moment where I wanted to cry like a baby because my dream for the past five years was right in front of me. I grabbed the back of both of her knees and pulled her legs up around my waist, my hands sliding down her thighs and over her ass. I sucked her tongue into my mouth and pulled her closer to the edge of the counter, my hardness resting against her wet heat.
Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I pushed my hips forward, sinking into her slowly until my pelvis was flush against hers. My mouth never left hers as I stayed deep inside of her and swiveled my hips, grinding myself against her. She whimpered into my mouth and pushed herself harder against me, creating friction right where she needed it. Her legs tightened around my hips and I squeezed my hands onto her ass, rocking her harder and faster against me. It was killing me not move, not to slide in and out of her heat that squeezed around me, but I knew she liked what I was doing and that's all that mattered.
Our kiss never ended as I felt her start to tighten around me. Her hips moved faster and she clawed at my shoulders as I moved against her and rotated my hips, pushing her into oblivion.
I deepened the kiss and swallowed her cries as she came. Her hands latched onto my hair and I couldn't have cared less that I'd have to wash chocolate out of it tonight. I removed a hand from her ass and rested it on the counter next to her for more leverage as I pulled almost all the way out of her and slammed back inside, stars bursting behind my closed eyes at the sensations that shot up through me.
Jennie's moans and muttered curses spurned me on to move faster and harder. Thank God for that because there was no way I could be gentle now. I needed to fuck her on the kitchen counter, plain and simple.
My free hand slid under one of her knees so her leg draped down over the crook of my elbow. I lifted her leg higher and pushed deeper inside of her until we both moaned.
I thrust into her hard and fast, my hips moving at lightening speed. The smell of chocolate filled the air, her hot wetness coated me as I pumped in and out of her and the sounds of our bodies slapping together shot my orgasm through me like a freight train. I only lasted a few more seconds, shouting her name as I came, my thrusts never slowing down. My orgasm ripped through me and I swore it was the best one I ever had. I pushed into her one last time and held still until the last few tingles of my release disappeared.
I dropped my forehead to hers and we stayed where we were, trying to catch our breaths. My arm slid out from under her leg and it fell limply down my side. I felt myself pulse inside of her as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body close.
After a few minutes of staying just like that, I finally recovered the ability to speak.
"I'm really going to like this whole chocolate business you own if this is how we get to spend our evenings."
Jennie laughed and looked around. "It looks like a chocolate bomb went off in here."
There was chocolate in both of our hair, I could feel dried chocolate on my face and arms and our shirts were completely covered. I looked down and saw chocolate hand prints on Jennie's thighs and hips and the half of her pants that hung off of her were sopping wet from the chocolate that still dripped off the edge of the counter. We were so busy with our post coital glow and laughing at the mess we made, that we didn't hear the connecting door to Doyeon's store open.
"SURPRISE!" Several voices yelled as we looked towards the door in shock.
"Oh my fucking God, are you kidding me?" Doyeon yelled as she cringed and tried not to drop the cake she held in her hands.
"Oh Jesus, my eyes. MY EYES!" Jim screamed as he covered his face with both hands and turned around.
"Are those chocolate boobs?" Sehun asked, walking towards us and grabbing a piece off of the counter and popping it into his mouth.
My dick, completely shrunken now, was still in Jennie. This was like the damn finger in the vagina day all over again. What the fuck was wrong with my life?
"Sorry I'm late! Jennie, were you surprised?" Minnie asked as she pushed her way past Doyeon and Jim, stopping suddenly when she saw the position we were in. On the counter. With both of our asses showing, covered in chocolate.
"Heh, heh, Jennie has boobs and penises stuck to her ass!" Sehun laughed.
So that explains the weird bumps I felt on her ass. I was a little worried there for a minute that she might have boils or some creepy skin condition I didn't know about.
"I hope to God you bleach this counter," Doyeon scolded.
"And my eyes," Jim mutter with his back still to us.
Jennie hadn't moved or said a word and I almost wanted to stick my finger under her nose to see if she was still breathing.
"We wanted to surprise you with a "Good luck with the store opening" cake but it looks like you guys started celebrating without us," Minnie laughed. "Sehun, why haven't we played with chocolate yet? We need to remedial that."
"Remedy, babe. Remedy," Sehun corrected as he grabbed another chocolate boob from the counter a few inches from Jennie's ass and ate it.
Why the fuck was everyone still standing in this kitchen?
"I brought you a sample of my new edible lotion. It's funnel cake flavor. I figured you and Lisa-girl could spice it up by playing dirty carnie and innocent fair-goer," Doyeon said as she tossed the bottle of lotion on the counter. "Looks like I should have brought you a drop cloth instead."
"I'm guessing you and Jim already tested out the funnel cake lotion, right? Did you pretend to be the slutty clown car with millions of midgets flocking out of your vagina?" Jennie said sarcastically.
"This is the Butler Broadcasting System, coming to you live from the kitchen of the snacks side of "Seduction and Snacks," the new business opening tomorrow, right in the heart of Butler."
A woman in a business suit suddenly walked through the door with a microphone in her hand and a man with a camera followed behind her. The giant spotlight on top of the camera blinded us and everyone started yelling, but not before we heard the words, "Coming to you live..."
This is a dream. It has to be a fucking dream.
The perfectly coiffed woman with the bouffant hair stopped in her tracks when she saw my chocolate covered ass. Her shout of, "Holy fuck," was now being broadcast into several thousand Butler living rooms.
Thankfully, the camera man took in the scene in front of him and reacted faster than she did. He whipped around, smacking his camera into Jim's head before stumbling backwards, slipping through the spilled, melted chocolate and crashing down on the floor on his back.
"Son of a bitch that hurt," Jim could be heard shouting off-camera as the view on the television suddenly flew to a shot of the ceiling and a loud "ooomf" came through the speakers, signifying the point in the broadcast when the camera man landed on his ass.
--
Doyeon fell off the couch, landing on her side in a fit of giggles. Jim managed to stay on the couch but bent over at the waist, holding on to his stomach as he laughed right along with her.
All Jennie and I could do was stare in shock at the replay of tonight's broadcast that Doyeon managed to catch on her DVR. After the kitchen debacle and plenty of apologies from the staff of BBS for deciding a surprise interview would be fun, we came back to Doyeon and Jim's house to clean up and see if by some miracle there was a cable outage in the area.
No such luck.
"Ooooh, here comes my part!" Sehun said excitedly as he jumped up from his spot on the floor and reached over to turn up the volume on the television.
Sehun's face suddenly came into the shot as he bent over the downed camera man, the view of the shop's kitchen ceiling behind his head.
"Stop by Seduction and Snacks for the grand opening tomorrow and try some of Jennie's boobs. They're delicious!" he said with a smile as he bit off one of the chocolate boobs he held in his hand.
The camera turned to the side where the stunned TV anchor stood with Doyeon and Minnie, waving frantically into the camera behind her and Jim off to the side rubbing his head and muttering, "Fuck that hurt."
"B-b-back to you in the studio, Sam," she stuttered as she stared wide eyed into the camera without blinking.
The shot went back to the studio where they immediately began talking about the weather.
"Well, the good news is the camera man managed to avoid showing Butler that you guys were taste testing the chocolate with your penis and vagina," Doyeon said from her spot on the floor.
"If that's the good news, what the hell is the bad news?" Jennie asked.
"Well, Sehun is now the face of Seduction and Snacks," Doyeon laughed.
We all glanced over at Sehun as he picked lint off of the front of his shirt that had been the main focus of the camera shot.
I guess there were worse things Seduction and Snacks could be famous for than a tee shirt that read, "Have you seen Mike Hunt?"