Disclaimer: No own. May Rowling's coffee always be her least favorite temperature.

Chapter 51

Logistics

"That was fucking exhausting," Edward said to Alphonse in Amestrian when Harry left the Room of Requirement.

"Looks like Harry feels better, though," Alphonse said. "That's satisfying."

It was satisfying. And it was true. Harry had practically skipped from the Room, his shoulders relaxed, more at ease after having to watch a parasite sucked out of his head than Ed had ever seen him. "Definitely worth doing."

Alphonse gave the Tin Can horcrux an affectionate pat. "Now what? Do we do this now?"

Edward stopped abruptly from mindlessly tidying the books on the table." Do we?"

It hadn't really occurred to him that the Tin Can on the table meant they had everything they needed to continue. Everything they needed to go home. Finally.

"The philosopher's stone array is complicated. We'll definitely need to write it out. Be careful about it," said Alphonse.

"And who knows what the combined soul will look like or be capable of," said Ed. "We might need back-up. Ginny'll probably want to be there. It might even be good for her to see that he's really gone."

"It would be nice to say goodbye to the friends we've made here, too" said Alphonse. "We shouldn't just leave without saying anything."

Ed kicked at a rock that appeared for the purpose. "We should at least write letters to Ollivarder and Nyorok. Bill Weasley. Who else?"

"Dr. Boden," said Alphonse vehemently. "And Juna."

"Yes!" said Ed.

"How do we say goodbye to an entire world?"

"Fuck if I know." Ed went back to tidying the books on the table. He wasn't entirely sure why the Room had provided them, other than the fact that no research session really felt complete without books. He took a glance at the titles. How to Cope With an Existential Crisis one read. "What the actual fuck?"

But if Ed felt vaguely offended, Alphonse was laughing. That justified the uncalled for book selection all by itself.

Alphonse took the book from Edward, leafed through the pages. "You can't say it isn't appropriate."

"Yes I can," said Ed. "This isn't an existential crisis. It's just a dimensional crisis."

Al gave him a playfully skeptical look. "Is there a difference? At the very least, they go together."

There was a pause.

'We'll wait," said Ed. "Just so we can get our shit together."

It was the right choice, he knew, by the relieved look on Al's face.

The next day brought the unique challenge of writing their goodbye letters. Certain of them needed to be co-written with Al. Others needed to be more personal, needed to come from each of them separately. And of course, it was a fucking Tuesday. Classes proceeded apace, even if Ed was distracted at his podium. What was the point of teaching these kids if he was going to be gone in a matter of days?

All his classes were successfully transmuting now, but this was the most dangerous moment, while they were still green and unpracticed, but gaining enough confidence to be cocky about it.

"You have to have fun with it," Ed said, "But you also have to be careful. Exact numbers, if you know your math's right and you've triple checked everything. More materials than you think you'll need if you haven't. Actually. Just always err on the side of having too much rather than too little. I don't care how good your math is."

There was an uneasy ripple through each class, but Ed had to drive this home.

"Remember zat your textbook is trash. Do zee maths yourself. Check muggle chemistry texts to get your basic facts straight. Zat will get you further."

"So you've been saying this whole semester," said one of the nervier Ravenclaws. "Why is it so urgent all of a sudden?"

"Well you're actually transmuting things regularly now." It was lucky that happened to be true, otherwise Ed would not have had an excuse so ready to go.

But shit, he couldn't just leave these kids without a teacher at this stage in their training. They needed to get more practice under watchful guidance before they would develop the healthy caution that would keep them safe when transmuting solo.

Rectifying that became one of Ed's letters.

Please, he wrote to Nicholas Flamel.

I don't care if you're retired or whatever. We've managed to isolate Harry's horcrux. At this point, Alphonse and I are just finalizing the maths. We're leaving. These kids need more teaching than I can give them and you're the only competent alchemist l've found in this stupid world. Teach. For a few years. Just to see this cohort graduated. Then you can fuck right back off to your life in France. Just teach these students you miserable ancient bastard.

Sincerely,

Ed.

Ollivander and Nyorok and Bill and Dr. Boden and Juna all got something a little kinder. A little more sincere.

His first in-person goodbye found him after alchemy class. Granger threw her arms around him in a surprisingly fierce hug. "Harry told us what you did," she said. "You're leaving, then. Aren't you?"

"Yup." Ed said. "Soon. Once we've told who we need to tell. Gotten backup for zee combining transmutation. Who knows what zee soul will aggregate as."

"I'll be there," Hermione said. "And Ron. Harry told us about your deal, about him being done, but I think he'll be there too, if I know him at all."

"Thanks." Ed said. He wasn't sure how much he cared about Ron and Harry being there. He almost hoped Harry wouldn't be - poor kid should be off enjoying the break he so desperately deserved. But Hermione's declaration felt better, more important, than he would have thought.

"Me too," said Ginny, who'd walked into the classroom for her own class session while Ed hadn't been paying attention. This second in-person goodbye had also come to find him. Ed blinked against the sudden warmth in his chest. "It'll be good to see him really gone."

"I hope it helps," Ed said.

"Me too," said Ginny. "Me too."

Luna filed in for the fifth year class with Alphonse not long after. Enough students had arrived that she didn't say a word. She looked at him though, looked at him with her protuberant eyes and uncanny sense of knowing. That counted as Ed's third in-person goodbye.

His coworkers were easier. He'd never quite forgiven McGonagall for turning him into a cat and he still had no idea how to feel about her hand in Al's animagus transformation. She got a whispered aside in the Great Hall. Like Hermione and Ginny, she gave a declaration of participation. It was so earnest that Ed was touched all over again, even if it was more for Alphonse then for him.

Ed suddenly felt possessed by the same spirit of disclosure that must have been influencing Alphonse, because he almost wanted to tell Greasy - who watched him and McGonagall with narrowed eyes from Ed's other side - everything, just to see his face. But while Snape clearly had the headmaster's ear, he'd never really been in Ed's information loop. There wasn't a good reason to add him now.

It turned out that he didn't have a choice. Ed's most complicated in-person goodbye was to the Headmaster, who also didn't let Ed come to him. No, instead an owl with a summons came right at the end of Ed's last class for the day.

Greasy was standing in the Headmaster's office, glaring accusingly at a bemused Alphonse, when Ed got there. "I understand that these boys have been more Minerva's project than mine, but when, might I ask, was I completely removed from the information loop?"

Ed laughed right in his face. It was nice to see that the information control thing was causing as much conflict among the adults as it was the children.

"This is not a laughing matter, Professor Elric! Your little stunt at Malfoy Manor threw the Death Eaters into turmoil, and even without their leader, they're escalating. I can't predict them anymore!"

Ed decided to go for it. He looked the Old Man right in his twinkly eyes and said, "Al and I separated zee horcrux from Harry. We just need to schedule a time to consolidate zee soul and bring it to zee Gate so we can go back to our own universe."

There was an undeniable thrill of satisfaction at the look on Greasy's face. Suddenly, Ed understood Al's chronic truth-telling. Worse, Al knew it. He was giggling at him. Giggling!

Greasy whirled to face the headmaster. "Albus," he said. "With all due respect, what the fuck?"

"Inspired," Ed said. "I'll give zat f-bomb a nine out of ten."

Snape's glare in Ed's direction was thunderous. But if Snape thought his expressions were a deterrent. Oh boy. Al's giggles were full-blown laughter now, and even the Old Man looked amused.

"But seriously." Ed said. "I've got a number of volunteers to help contain him when zee time comes. I wanted to give you a status update and get your input on logistics, but I don't sink you should be zere. Because," Ed gestured at the Headmaster's whole everything.

He hadn't been adjusting well to one-handed life, and Ed had it on Al's authority that while the Old Man's magical core was recovering, recovery was slow. Or perhaps the Headmaster was recovering rapidly, but not rapidly enough for the breakneck pace of life at Hogwarts. Really, between wizard shenanigans and the way things had ended in Amestris, Ed felt like he'd been sprinting for years. He somehow doubted that Dumbledore had it much better.

"Young man, if I said that to you, would you listen to me?"

That was fair. Ed was willing to take that criticism.

Snape looked at each of them in turn, the frustration on his face possibly turning into something like hope. "Is this real? Is it truly going to be over?"

There was something Ginny-like about him, all of a sudden. It wasn't a comparison Ed ever would have thought to make, but damn if people couldn't be surprising. "If Al and I haven't been fucked sideways by an interdimensional cosmic being," Ed confirmed. "Voldemort will be dead and Alphonse and I will be out of your greasy hair. Doesn't help you wis your Death Eater problem, zough. Or your shampoo problem."

"You... really believe that," Snape said. He looked at the Old Man. "And you believe them!"

"Don't ask me why," said the Headmaster.

"Two for one deal. We get rid of Moldy for you and we disappear too in zee bargain!"

"To your... home universe?"

"Amestris," said Alphonse. "Zat's zee name of our country".

"I hate this," said Snape. He hesitated, looking almost worried. "Is this safe? This isn't a euphemism for self-sacrifice, is it?"

"You knew about Harry's horcrux," Ed said, because he was pretty sure that the Old Man's first plan had involved Harry's self-sacrifice.

"It was a recent development." he said, sneering at the Headmaster. "He told me shortly before you broke the curse on his hand. And only because he was dying, I think."

"Zat sounds like him," Ed said.

"It's good to know he was talking to someone," said Alphonse. "l did wonder."

"It doesn't count if it's only done to manipulate people," said Snape. "I've trusted him these last years to at least manipulate me in the right direction."

"Sounds like you've finally gone and broken your lackey's trust, Old Man!" Ed crowed playfully. He wasn't here to goad this into an argument. He really wasn't. He'd only brought it up the way he had for a laugh.

"Seriously," Alphonse said, rescuing Ed from the pressure of figuring out what to say next. "I know zat you found out recently zat your mentor is willing to sacrifice children for zee greater good, but zat's not what's happening here. I promise."

It was an odd thing to realize that Greasy - whose teaching style was reputed to be downright abusive - had actual scruples regarding the treatment of children. "Haven't I heard a story about you sreatening to feed faulty and possibly deadly potion to a student's pet?"

"Incentive," Snape sneered. "And sure enough, though he had help, Mr. Longbottom learned how to neutralize toxicity. The toad was fine."

Ed sent the headmaster a plaintive look. "At least wis zis joker on staff I understand why you were willing to hire a sixteen-year-old. I couldn't have dug under zis bar if I'd tried."

"Sixteen-year-old?" Snape asked, spluttering "You were teaching at a muggle secondary! You knew about this, too, Albus?"

Ed didn't even try to hide his smirk. Chaos well sown. His job here was done. "Before we completely derail zis conversation, we do need to hash out logistics. Alphonse and I were sinking we'd use zee Room of Requirement. But you know zee castle better zan we do, so we're open to suggestions."

Snape was staring at him and Al like his entire world had shifted on its axis, like he was frozen mid-stumble from the shift. "For clarity's sake: We are talking about somehow reconstituting the Dark Lord's soul from within a castle full of school children."

"Yes," said Ed. "So Al and I can drag him to an interdimensional regulator of life and death, so we can go home. Which has been our endgame zis whole time."

There was a long pause while Snape digested that information. Long enough for the Old Man to clap his hands and say, "The Room of Requirement seems ideal!"

"No," said Snape. "Absolutely not. Not inside Hogwarts."

"Then where, Severus?" said the Old Man.

"Anywhere but Hogwarts! Anywhere would be better!"

The Old Man's eyes glittered. "With Grimmauld Place compromised, I cannot think of a better, more warded place than the Room." There was a world of intimation in that statement.

Greasy huffed dramatically, said, "Albus, I am not going to offer Spinner's End. I am not sacrificing my one spot of tranquility away from the students."

"Then I'm afraid that the Room is the best suited location."

Snape turned away from the Old Man, looked directly at Edward. "Contact Bill Weasley. He helped you with Albus's hand and he's as good at putting wards together as he is at breaking them. We'll do it in the Forbidden Forest. He can put up containment wards on the day of."

"I can do zat," said Ed, wondering how he hadn't thought of that.

"I feel more comfortable wis zat too," Al said. "Especially given zee array we have to use for zis." Ed and Al shuddered in unison.

"So," said Ed. "When?"

"Halloween." The Headmaster said without preamble. "That's when it all started. That's when it should end."

"Zat is zee day after tomorrow," said Alphonse.

"Then I suggest you write to Bill Weasley quickly."

"Right," said Ed. "Halloween."

"Albus," said Snape suddenly. "If this works, if he's really gone, I quit. Effective immediately."

The Old Man inclined his head. "I expected nothing less. I fear I will never find a potions master of quite your caliber."

"I don't believe I currently am teaching potions. Besides, we all know that you don't require a master to teach at this level. You'll find someone adequate."

Ed decided to interject before Snape and the Old Man got further in the weeds. "Well congrats," he said. "I'm sure you'll be better at whatever you do next zan you are at teaching."

To his credit, Greasy didn't deny this. He simply nodded his thanks. His attention was still on the Old Man, so Ed caught Al's eye. They'd gotten what they'd come for.

The day after tomorrow. They would be home the day after tomorrow.

Word Count: 2617

Date Posted: 9/7/2023

The penultimate chapter (not counting the short epilogue) and the boys are tying up their loose ends. Halloween is coming.

Also, poking fun at Snape one more time was just required. I love a good Severitus fic as much as every grown only-child-of-a-single-parent-who-basically-had-to-raise-herself does, but man canon Snape is an asshole.