Even just for a hour
It hadn't been easy to persuade the captain of the Shu ship to let him on board. Not even the documents that claimed Wylan was a shareholder in their importing company had been enough to secure him a place onboard.
"How do I know you are who you say you are?" the captain had asked, his arms crossed tightly on his chest and his thick accent didn't make him any less intimidating. His eyes reduced to an amber slit watched Wylan sternly. "You are a Shu who does not speak his own language, I do not trust people who ignore their own people."
"Maybe I can change your mind if I ask the nice stadwatch agents over there to check that your cargo of tea doesn't include other types of herbs that may be of great interest to the Council of Tides?" Wylan saw the captain's eyes widen at his question. Threatening him to expose their drug trafficking made the Shu man swallow hard, his Adam's apple danced on his neck before he ordered something in Shu to the rest of the crew. In the blink of an eye they had Wylan on board. He didn't like that way of getting what he needed, but Kaz sure had been a great teacher and Wylan had always been a great student.
Everyone on the ship was already eyeing him warily, but he felt real hatred when, after all the work he had done to get on board, he asked to be off. As soon as the ship left the harbor Wylan ran up to the captain and begged to bring him ashore. Between shouts and what Wylan could guess were insults in Shu, they had finally moored back to the dock and allowed him off.
Now he was sitting on his own bag, with his back against a wall, looking at the spot where the Shu ship that was supposed to take him from Ketterdam forever had just stood.
'What am I doing here?' He wondered as if he didn't already know the answer. The truth was that he was too cowardly to face his father again, but at the same time his conscience kept telling him that it was wrong to leave. Eventually his legs decided for him and took him off the ship before his brain reminded him what a stupid idea it was.
'You want to run for the rest of your life?' Jesper had asked him in a furious tone and disappointed eyes.
Of course he didn't want to, but what other options did he have to survive? He certainly wasn't a soldier like Matthias, he wasn't a Grisha like Nina, he wasn't a Wraith like Inej, he wasn't a sharpshooter like Jesper and he wasn't even a bastard like Kaz. He was just a merchling, nothing more. Running away was the smartest choice, his father had all the means to kill him, and even if he was so magnanimous to spare his life, he could easily make it a living hell.
But everytime he thought about Nina, still weakened by the drug, about Inej, still held in a trap, about Kuwei, still hidden not to be sold as an object, how could he just leave it all behind? How could he leave them alone against his own father? Wylan knew better than everyone what a horrible person he was.
'You just play his game. Either way, he wins.' Kaz had told him on the Ferolind. And Wylan was aware that his speech was just a way to manipulate him into following his plan, but Kaz wasn't wrong. If Wylan hadn't even tried to fight his father, if he had run away, if he had gone away forever, he would have done exactly what Jan Van Eck wanted: get rid of his hated son.
Wylan absolutely had to go back to Black Veil Island, but he had no idea how to do it without getting caught by the enemies they made in Vellgeluk and thus putting the rest of the group in danger. He took a deep breath, hugged his knees to his chest and let his head fall on them. It was weird not to see the reddish curls cover his vision, now only a few black tufts stood between him and the view of the pier.
A pair of long legs passed before his eyes, quick and jerky. That instant was enough for Wylan to recognize him. "Jes?" he called in disbelief.
Jesper immediately turned towards him, Wylan didn't have time to stand up that the Zemeni had already reached him and had taken him in his arms. "Thank the saints you're still here!" Jesper was gripping him so tightly that he lifted him a few inches off the ground.
"Jes! Put me down!" Wylan clung to his shoulders afraid of falling to the ground. "What are you doing here?" he asked when his feet hit the ground again.
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on a ship?"
"I was. But I couldn't do it. I get off." Wylan felt like an idiot for admitting what he had done, but the smile Jesper gave him was worth it. He looked at him with gray eyes full of tenderness. It was a look that only at that moment Wylan remembered seeing often on a Jesper at least eight inches shorter and with a rounder face. It was the first time, since they'd met again, that Jesper had smiled at him the way he used to when they were friends. Wylan's stomach felt light, it was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time.
But it didn't last long, because Jesper's eyes suddenly focused on something beyond Wylan's head. Wylan instinctively tried to turn in the direction of his gaze, but Jesper stopped him before he could turn. With a quick move he forced Wylan against the wall, his arms prevented him from moving, their chests touched each other at every breath. Wylan was too surprised to even think of breaking free.
"Stadwatch." Jesper explained in a whisper. Their faces were so close that Wylan could not help but stare at his lips, but he still managed to see two figures in purple uniforms passing a couple of steps from them. From the outside anyone would have thought, seeing them so close, that they were a couple like so many others and definitely not two criminals who were hiding a fugitive from the Ice Court. There was no danger that the stadwatch recognize them if they couldn't see their faces. Yet Wylan's heart pounded in his chest at a frantic pace. Was it fear? Or maybe it was the heat of Jesper's body pressing against his that made him feel so hot?
As soon as the agents were far enough, Jesper turned up his collar and Wylan immediately followed him. "Let's go." the Zemeni said, then picked up Wylan's bag and dragged him into the nearest alley.
Wylan thought it would be strange to be reunited with the rest of the gang again, he had no idea how they would react seeing him return after the good-bye they had exchanged only a few hours ago. But Nina's hug had immediately eased his mind. Matthias ruffled his hair with one of his huge hands, while Kuwei had widened his eyes, moving them from Wylan to Jesper, unable to hold back a smile. Their reactions relieved him, he wasn't sure they would welcome him, after he had tried to abandon them in such a critical time. But, if there was one thing Wylan just didn't expect, it was that Kaz wasn't beside himself with anger.
"Nobody knows I went to the docks." Jesper had said to Wylan earlier, when they were rowing towards the Black Veil. "I can't wait to hear Kaz yelling at me that I'm stupid and that I put everyone in danger. Twice in one day is a new record." he joked, but the laugh that came out of his mouth was bitter.
"Well, that makes two of us. I was at the harbor too." Wylan tried to cheer him up. "And if you hadn't come, I don't know how I would have gotten back. The Stadwatch would have arrested me in a few hours." Evidently the reassurance worked because Jesper's smile looked heartened. But still, they were both certain that there would soon be a new fight between Jesper and Kaz. Yet now that they were at the Black Veil, Kaz was not angry at all, in fact, he did not even seem surprised to see Wylan still in Ketterdam.
"Everyone inside, it's already late and tomorrow morning we have to organize the next move." Kaz ordered before disappearing into the dark tomb.
As Matthias, Nina and Kuwei followed, Wylan turned to Jesper confused; he had the same startled expression on his face, but in an instant it cracked into an amused grin. "The bastard knew it." Jesper laughed, shaking his head.
"What did he know?" Wylan asked even more lost..
"Nothing. Don't worry." Jesper minimized. "By the way, this is yours." After a few moments searching in his inside coat pocket, Jesper pulled out the pin Wylan knew so well and placed it in the palm of Wylan's hand.
"Thank you." He couldn't hold back a smile, just seeing it made him feel a reassuring warmth in his chest, even if the metal that covered it was cold on his skin.
"Why did you give it to me? It belonged to your mother, it's important."
"You are important too." The answer came so spontaneously that Wylan couldn't control the blush that already colored his cheekbones. "I don't know why, I just wanted you to have it." He hastily added.
"Wy, do you know what it says?" Jesper asked, showing him the back of the jewel on his hand. Wylan shook his head. He had soon given up trying to understand the text, the convoluted letters danced before his eyes. It was absolutely impossible for him to distinguish them, so he had ended up forgetting that the engraving existed.
Jesper moved closer to him, he ran a finger along the words to indicate the sign, his hand grazing Wylan's with each movement. "'The sea washes the devilish'" Jesper recited.
"It is the motto of Sankta Maradi." Wylan said rediscovering a memory of which he was unaware.
"Do you know it?" Jesper asked, surprised.
"Of course. My mother's family, the Hendriks, were very devoted to Sankta Maradi. They had taken it as their own motto." Only then Wylan realized what that meant. The criminals to whom he had given the brooch to save his life had surely tried to sell it to some pawn shop and the owner must have warned the stadwatch of a possible theft at the Van Eck house as soon as he noticed the family motto engraved on the brooch. All his efforts to escape his father's plan had been in vain because he had exposed himself without even knowing. And his father wore the pin for the meeting in Vellgeluk with the express purpose of humiliating Wylan by showing him his mistake. "I really am an idiot."
"What are you saying?" Jesper asked, unable to guess what might be going through his mind at that moment.
"I couldn't figure out how my father found out I'm still alive. But I was the one who told him. I'm an idiot."
"Wy, what are you talking about? When have you told him?"
Wylan couldn't find the words to explain himself. He hadn't told anyone about his father's attempted assassination. Every time he tried to make all those thoughts concrete, they get stuck in his throat. He couldn't make a sound, as if the hands that had gripped his neck were still glued there, taking his breath away.
"I can't. I really can't." he admitted in a choked voice. Jesper had grabbed him by the shoulders, his grip was both firm, to keep him from running, and soft, to make him feel that he wasn't alone.
"No more secrets." Jesper looked Wylan straight in the eye, his furrowed eyebrows making him a resolute look, but also worried. "Talk to me."
Wylan forced himself to take a deep breath before continuing. "I used the brooch as payment" he said all at once.
"What? Why? A payment for what?"
"It was the most precious thing I had, it was the only way…" Wylan felt nauseous, his head starting to spin. "Jes, I feel sick." Panic had completely taken over his body and his voice.
"Hey, it's okay. I got you." Wylan's legs weren't holding him up like they used to, Jesper had slipped an arm under his shoulder to support him. He gently helped him sit on a nearby gravestone. "Don't worry, I'm going to call Nina, so-"
"No, wait." he stopped him before Jesper could take a single step. "Nina is still too weak, she can't use her powers. I just need a moment to recover."
Jesper looked unconvinced, but he didn't move. He remained seated beside Wylan, tapping nervously on the stone of the headstone. Wylan took deep breaths and tried to concentrate solely on the rhythmic tapping of Jesper's fingers. But it wasn't easy, his mind kept reminding him of that feeling of helplessness he felt every time his father looked at him with that disgusted look of his that so quickly turned into pure anger when his arm shot up and then crashed hard on Wylan's face.
'He was right. I'm an idiot. A useless idiot who doesn't know how to live.' The stream of thoughts swirling in his head pushed his whole body down. He was sitting but he still had the feeling of falling. 'What's the point of trying again? It would have been better if I had let myself be killed.'
It seemed that no sound could drown out the voice in his head until Jesper began to sing. Wylan did not know Zemeni, but that melody was not new to him, a few notes were enough for him to recognize it. The music and the nostalgia washed over him, and before he knew it, he was singing along with Jesper.
"You remember it." Jesper stopped and looked at Wylan with a surprised smile. In response, Wylan continued singing the rest of the verse, recalling from his memory that distant day when Jesper had explained to him the meaning of those words, otherwise incomprehensible to him.
I would like to come back,
To the day that we met.
Even just for a hour,
When life wasn't sour.
I would like to it taste again,
I don't know how to explain
the blackberries on your smile.
I want to kiss it, just for a while.
Tonight is cold and I'm alone,
I want to be selfish to the bone,
I need the warmth of your eyes.
You can tell me all your lies.
Stay with me, that's all I need.
Your absence makes me bleed.
I can't give up on our past,
My love for you will always last.
"It's your Ma's favorite." Wylan remembered after intoning the last line.
Jesper smiled at him wistfully: "It was."
"Jes… I'm sorry." instinctively Wylan grabbed Jesper's hand and squeezed it, only after having already intertwined his fingers with Jesper's did he wonder if it was wrong to look for that contact. But Jesper hadn't flinched. Wylan wanted to believe that he needed it as much as he did.
"I can't believe it still worked." Jesper's expression had softened, though his smile still seemed a little forced. "Aren't you a little grown up for making me sing to you?"
It was suddenly clear to Wylan when he heard that song. Jesper used to comfort him like that. He knew music was the thing that put Wylan most at ease, and singing to him managed to distract him just enough to calm him down.
"I keep myself young."
Jesper laughed softly. "And in fact you haven't changed at all. Can you explain to me how are you still so short?"
Wylan kicked him lightly in the shin, but couldn't help grinning. "It is you who are monstrously tall! I'm average."
"Sure, Wy. Whatever makes you sleep good at night" Wylan kicked him again, but Jesper escaped easily, chuckling at every kick he managed to avoid.
"You didn't change, either. You're still insufferable."
"And you're still terrible at lying, I know you adore me." Jesper laughed when Wylan stuck his tongue out. But when the laughter stopped, Jesper became serious again: "Sorry if I pushed you. I shouldn't do it. You'll talk to me when you feel ready."
"Thanks, Jes." Wylan felt heartened. " But you're right, no more secrets."
In that instant Wylan could have sworn that not a single day had passed since Novyi Zem, because the warmth he felt in his chest was the same that heat him up every time Jesper looked at him with those gray eyes that made him feel as if there were only the two of them in the world. Wylan was often lost between those long black lashes and forgot all his problems. How many times had he risked returning home late simply because he didn't want to give up that sweet yet suffocating sensation?
"I hate to interrupt this romantic moment." Nina had emerged from the tomb just long enough to observe them with an amused grin. Her green eyes pointed straight at their still clasped hands. Wylan quickly wrenched his hold off Jesper, the heat shifting from his chest to his cheeks in seconds. "I have to remind you that Kaz likes to throw his cane at the head of anyone who doesn't do as he says, or do you come back without bumps?"
From the smirks of Nina and Jesper, Wylan was sure his cheeks and ears were scarlet red. They seemed to enjoy seeing him embarrassed, but in the end, he didn't mind him. That teasing almost felt like he too was part of the group.
Several days had already passed since Inej had been kidnapped. The tension for the preparation of the new plan of action was always with them, the terror of having to hide at all times did not abandon them for a moment.
That evening they had made their first move. Wylan was a bad actor and he couldn't help himself when he saw Jesper bet his beloved revolvers, an alarmed "No!" escaped his mouth. He knew well that they weren't just weapons, for Jesper those guns were his lifeline, a fixed point to cling to when the constant agitation that characterized him screamed at him to move, do something, anything. Yet his expression seemed unflappable when he'd given up his most prized possession just to keep Smeet glued to the card table.
Kaz and Wylan had just left Jesper playing all he could and Nina flirting with Smeet, they'd slipped out of the Club Cumulus under their Komedie Brute stage costumes. As they made their way through the damp, dark streets of Ketterdam, with every step Wylan asked himself: 'What am I doing here? Why did I put myself in this situation?' The question immediately received the answer that allowed him to continue walking without slowing down even for an instant: 'All this is for Inej. She has saved our lives so many times, she can't suffer because of my father. No one should.'
And then, there was no denying it, it was also for Jesper. The last person in the world who cared about him was there, how could he give that up? His father had never loved him, his mother had died and now even Professor Levi would have turned her back on him. Wylan had only Jesper left. Maybe it was selfish of him, but it was worth risking his life if the price was to spend more time with Jesper, because every moment felt special. When he called him 'Wy' it wasn't too much different from when they were children. Sure, his voice had become deeper and more baritone, but the tone was identical. Wylan refused to name the warmth he felt every time Jesper looked at him with that mocking smile of his, he hoped that it was just how 'feeling at home' should be, and nothing more deep than that.
That night on the Ferolind, just before Nina tailored him, it was the first time in a long time that Jesper had called him by that nickname. Wylan had thrown himself on Jesper's chest without any restraint, only to then take advantage of their moment of weakness. It had been an impulsive gesture, dictated by fear, anxiety, desperation, but Jesper had returned his embrace. It had only taken that few seconds to make Wylan totally addicted, he couldn't stop thinking that he wanted more.
When was the last time a person hugged him? There had been some fling since he started sneaking out of the mansion, but it was different. That human contact was quick and impersonal, just a spasmodic search for fun and release that ended quickly and remained an experience emptied of any feeling. There was more meaning in that brief hug than in the nights he had spent in bed with some boy he met at university and from whom, from the next morning, he would be ignored and who himself would pretend he never knew.
But now he couldn't think about Jesper, the stern look Kaz gave him once they reached the outskirts of the Barrel reminding him to keep his focus. They hurriedly got rid of their capes and joined Matthias who was waiting for them under a doorway of the Hande Canal. The big Fjerdian had been keeping an eye on Smeet's house all evening, but the only thing that interested him was the safety of the rest of the group: "How is-" He had tried to ask, but Kaz had silenced him: "Nina is fine. Jesper is fine. Everyone is fine except for me because I'm stuck with a gang of hand-wringing nursemaids. Keep a watch."
Wylan didn't know how Matthias hadn't yet smashed Kaz's head against a wall, but it must be his soldier's temper that made him carry on with his mission, putting his anger aside.
Getting into Smeet's house had been a bit of a puzzle even for Kaz. It wasn't enough to be a skilled burglar, guard dogs weren't like locks to pick. It had taken patience and observation to solve the riddle; with Nina's charisma and her quick hand they had gotten their ticket to the lawyer's house: a whistle to which the dogs blindly obeyed. It was definitely creepy and strange to see Kaz scratching one of the giant dogs behind the ear like a cute puppy, Wylan already imagined how Jesper would laugh when he would tell him about it at their return.
As soon as they entered Smeet's office, Kaz began to browse through the stacks of boxes where all of the lawyer's clients were filed. Wylan felt pretty useless, all he could do was watch him go through the names.
"So many pigeons. Naten Boreg, that sad little skiv Karl Dryden. Smeet represents half the Merchant Council." Kaz murmured with his eyes focused on the ledgers.
"I know. He was often invited to the house to discuss business." In fact, that evening at the Club Cumulus was not the first time Wylan had met his father's lawyer. It was impossible to forget the second voice that came from his father's office the day he overheard his father asking for advice to hire hit men. Smeet hadn't wanted to know who they were intended for, he had simply offered his contacts to his client. Like the good lawyer he was, he would not violate the attorney-client privilege.
Several minutes went by, Kaz listed the properties, businesses and companies in the name of Jan Van Eck, those in the name of his new very young wife Alys, and even something in the name of Wylan, a printing press and the Eil Komedie, the same old joke to mortify his defective son and laugh about his lacking in private.
"What was your mother's family name?" Kaz asked when the search went on for too long and seemed to come up with nothing.
"There is nothing in her name."
"Humor me."
"Hendricks." Wylan finally admitted.
Kaz looked up, the arched eyebrow was glaring at him and Wylan knew perfectly well that he was judging him. Kaz let out a long sigh before commenting, "Being sentimental is impractical, especially if you want to run from a man who wants you dead, or invest in the businesses of his rivals." Then he got up and went looking for a new accounting record.
Wylan had hoped that, among the documents Kaz had examined so far, he hadn't noticed his name, but by now he had to know that the Bastard of the Barrel didn't miss a thing. "I can't help it if I have a heart."
"You also have a brain, if you have to choose an organ for thinking, use that." Kaz was reading a file that looked quite old, but at the same time little used. "When did she die?" he asked without lifting his nose from the papers.
"When I was eight. My father got worse after she was gone. Soon after her death I was… taken away from Ketterdam. He wouldn't let me go to her funeral. I don't even know where she's buried. " Wylan didn't like to think back to that period, everything was very confused in his memory because everything had been sudden and fast. One day his father had announced to him that his mother would be absent from the house because she wasn't well, the next time he had spoken to him, she was already dead. The next morning he had already been embarked for Novyi Zem, without even having had time to realize that he had just lost his mother. "Why do you guys say that, anyway? No mourners, no funerals? Why not just say good luck or be safe?"
"We like to keep our expectations low" Kaz's gloved finger ran across the paper, Wylan caught a glimpse of a column of numbers before the ledgers closed in front of his nose. "Your father much for charity?" Kaz asked him starting to rearrange the office to leave it exactly as it was when they entered.
"No. He tithes to Ghezen, but he says charity robs men of the chance at honest labor."
"Well, he's been making donations to the Church of Saint Hilde for the last eight years. If you want to pay your respects to your mother, that's probably the place to start."
Wylan was perplexed, he had never heard of that church, was it perhaps where his mother had been buried? But most of all, it was impossible for Dirtyhands to share information that wouldn't serve him? Why was he telling him? "What-"
"If Nina and Jesper did their jobs right, Smeet will be home soon. We can't be here when he gets back or the whole plan goes to hell. Come on."
As dizzy as he felt from this conversation, Wylan followed.
Welcoming them at the Black Veil were the voices of Jesper and Nina, too intent on arguing among themselves to notice them arriving. They were both quite nervous, Jesper stomping through the graveyard as Nina rebuked him. The sound of Kaz's cane striking a gravestone silenced them, instantly they went into fighting stances.
"Oh, it's you." Nina relaxed as she recognized the three figures in the shadows.
"Yes, it's us." Kaz pushed them with the stick. "And you would have heard us if you hadn't been busy shouting at each other. Stop gawking like you've never seen a girl in a dress before, Matthias."
"I wasn't gawking" The Fjerdian was concealing an attitude that was impossible for him, Wylan found it funny to see him in trouble for a girl, he was usually a perfectly composed soldier, but in front of Nina his brain stopped working the same..
"Be quiet, Brekker." Nina smoothed her flowing hair in a bewitching gesture. "I like it when he gawks."
Wylan's eyes sought Jesper, and met them soon because he was looking at him too. Jesper bit his lip in an attempt to hold back a grin, Wylan had to turn and place a hand on his face so as not to show that he was giggling.
"How did the mission go?" Matthias asked to get rid of his embarrassment. Nina and Jesper began to tell, when they arrived at the grave, Kuwei's head peeked out and leaned over to observe them.
"What did I tell you?" Kaz pointed his cane at him and made him back away.
"My Kerch isn't very good," he justified himself, but Kaz pushed him without hesitation into the tomb, followed by Nina who continued with her story and Matthias who forced himself to look at her face as he listened.
"Do you have the kruges ready?" Jesper smiled at Wylan. It was just the two of them left outside the tomb.
"What makes you think you'll win? Those two are too unpredictable. They could be kissing right now, lying on the table while Kaz works, or they could wait three years from now." Wylan couldn't believe he'd actually agreed to bet with Jesper on how long it would take Nina and Matthias to share a kiss. There wasn't much to do at the Black Veil, so their new pastime had been watching the mess of sexual tension between the Grisha and the Fjerdian.
"I'm sure. Within this week we will have the first kiss, then we will have to find some earplugs because they won't let us sleep at night.
"Jes!" Wylan slapped him on the arm playfully.
"So? Everything alright at Smeet's?"
"I would say yes, Kaz found what he needed. Even though he probably caused lifelong trauma to a little girl."
"Oh no, what did he do?"
"Smeet's daughter saw us and Kaz decided to threaten her with slitting her parents' throats and cutting out their dogs' hearts." Jesper's eyes widened, then Wylan added, "I know this was a better option than killing her, but she's still a child. It's not her fault, she didn't decide who her father is."
"Are you okay?" Jesper watched him anxiously.
"Jesper Fahey, are you worried about me?" teased Wylan. He didn't want Jesper to consider him fragile, he wanted to show him that he could do it.
"You are impossible." Jesper rolled his eyes, his hands resting on the now empty holsters.
"Sorry about the guns," Wylan said, and Jesper forced a smile at him. "I really wanted to take them apart."
Jesper's laughter made Wylan's guts twist in a mixture of excitement and glee. The circumstantial smile of a few moments before wasn't enough for him, Wylan would have liked to spend his whole life looking at Jesper laughing heartily. The explosion he felt inside himself made him feel so good, he wished he would never stop seeing him happy.
But it wasn't possible. Jesper's smile lasted a few seconds, then they both went back to the tomb. The plan must go on.
Apparently they had more enemies than expected. The embassies had soon filled up with diplomats and soldiers from all places. Zemeni, Kealish, Ravkian. And to top it off, the Shu warships had been sighted in port and a full platoon of Drüskelle were on their trail.
"Isn't it nice to be wanted?" Jesper had plunked down next to Kuwei and nudged him playfully on the shoulder. Wylan knew Jesper was the outgoing type, but that gesture of confidence and playfulness had bothered him. He reached for one of the crackers Jesper had just dumped on the table, hoping eating something would quiet that dull feeling in the pit of his stomach. He sat silently munching while Kaz briefed the others on what he had learned from Smeet. He wanted to blend into the wall, he realized he was chewing on his thumb uncomfortably when Kaz called to his attention, "What's your progress on the weevil?"
Wylan responded by placing the small vial where everyone could see it, trying to explain in the simpler way what it was. Creating a chemical mix capable of 'eating Van Eck's bank accounts and his reputation,' as Kaz said, was new for Wylan and it hadn't turned out to be an easy task. Now that he no longer had Professor Levi's advice it would have been even more complicated to figure it out just by himself.
"I need help, it's still in the experimental stage. I was hoping that Kuwei would help". As the days went by Kuwei had become more and more grumpy, he had refused to speak to him, he communicated mainly with Nina in Shu and even now he pretended not to understand Kaz's threats. Wylan sighed, they already had too many problems to handle his stubbornness too.
Jesper nudged Kuwei with his elbow again. "Kaz's kind suggestions, to the rest of us, translate into 'Do as I say or I'll seal you up in one of these tombs until you change your mind.'" When Kuwei nodded fearfully, Jesper stuffed a cracker into his mouth with a satisfied smile. "The power of negotiation."
It was stupid to feel bad about every little gesture Jesper addressed to Kuwei, but Wylan just couldn't help it. He moved again, looking for a spot in the room where he would be far enough away to ignore them, but as soon as he settled himself on the only free bench, Jesper joined him. Without even warning him, he laid down next to him, Wylan's legs became a pillow for his head, while his long legs pressed against the wall. Once again Wylan felt stupid, because having Jesper leaning comfortably on top of him felt like a small victory.
Nina and Kaz were discussing how their boss's interest was all about money, which was nothing new. But this time Wylan saw no reason for Kaz to deny his real thoughts. He could have spoken clearly for once, there was no need for all those subterfuges to avoid saying aloud that he cared about Inej. Everyone in that room was there for her, what was the problem in admitting that?
"Why won't he just say he wants her back?" he whispered to Jesper.
"You've met Kaz, right?"
"But she is one of us."
"One of us? Does that mean she knows the secret handshake? Does that mean you're ready to get a tattoo?" One of Jesper's long fingers slid up Wylan's forearm, insinuating itself under his shirt sleeve, exposing the fair skin. That touch was so light and measured, it made him shiver, inevitably his cheeks warmed up.
Watching Jesper's hand moving on his arm brought him back to the countless times they'd held hands, the way all children do, not thinking about how much he'd taken for granted when their fingers met and criss-crossed. In those years it seemed trivial, while now it seemed an incredible achievement to have him so close.
One late summer day, when it was windy, Jesper had come to him with a kite. Wylan had never seen one, so Jesper had shown him how to fly it. He had helped Wylan by pulling the tether tightly together with him, to make sure his hold on the string was solid and that it wouldn't blow away in the first gust of wind. When Wylan got used to it, he had turned to Jesper delighted and had seen his sunlit gray eyes pointing up at the kite soaring in the clear sky. The light was so strong that it kept them half closed, but the black eyelashes showed a few flashes of the clear irises. Then Jesper lowered his gaze and looked at Wylan with that defiant smile that warmed his heart, he had taken his hand and they had run flying the kite together.
Even now, Jesper's hand on his armpit was so close that Wylan had the urge to grab it, squeeze it, maybe bring it to his mouth and kiss it. He felt guilty, so embarrassed for imagining Jesper's skin on his lips that he pulled his sleeve down, breaking the contact.
"Inej is part of the crew." He tried to come back to the present.
"Just don't push it."
"Why not?"
"Because the practical thing would be for Kaz to auction Kuwei to the highest bidder and forget about Inej entirely"
"He wouldn't-" Wylan tried to reply, but he couldn't find the words to finish that sentence. Kaz never explained his whole plan, he gave them just small doses of it. How could he know what Dirtyhands had in store for them? After all, his name spoke for itself.
Wylan just wanted to distance himself from all that discussion, it was already very late and it was exhausting to listen to Nina and Kaz teasing each other. Especially when everyone started having their say about Kuwei's fate, it was hard not to empathize with him, he was just a kid who was trying to survive the bad decisions his father made. They weren't all that different. Perhaps because of that, no matter how nasty he acted, he couldn't bring himself to hate him.
The spat went on, between Nina's complaints and Kaz's threats. Suddenly Jesper's hand, who was still lying on his lap, closed on Wylan's, pulling it away from his face. Only then did he realize that he was chewing on his thumb again. He wondered if Jesper had come to his side that evening because he had noticed his agitation. Wylan felt grateful, but at the same time exposed. Jesper knew him too well, he couldn't hide from him much longer everything that went through his head every time he looked at him with those gray eyes and that sweet and light-hearted smile.
"Kuwei, can you give me a hand?" Wylan intercepted him before he could leave the room.
"I'm sleepy," his reply was possibly even more grumpy than usual.
"It'll only take a minute," Wylan promised him.
Kuwei huffed. "Fine, but I want one of Nina's cookies."
Wylan rolled his eyes and with a deep sigh asked, "May I see your notes of parem?"
"I thought you wanted help with… weevil? You used that word, right?"
"Yes, but I can't fall asleep because I know I'll be thinking all night about the possibility of an antidote. We can take care of the weevil tomorrow."
Kuwei handed him the notebook that had belonged to his father with an annoyed move, Wylan took it and started browsing through it carefully. As much as Kuwei tried to be unpleasant, Wylan never wanted to ruin the last memory he had of his father. The pages were filled with diagrams and drawings of molecules and calculations that Wylan had no trouble understanding, but otherwise it was written entirely in Shu.
"What does it say here?" he asked, pointing to a few lines of text. Kuwei came closer to look at where Wylan's finger had stopped and recited what must have been the text in a whisper, before translating in Kerch as best as he could.
The realization struck Wylan like a thunderbolt. He was so used to not being able to decipher the combinations of letters that he hadn't even tried to read the text, after all it was a language he didn't know, what sense would it have had? And yet, the moment Kuwei had read the text aloud, he had followed it with his gaze and, miraculously, that so different alphabet hadn't escaped his gaze as any text he ever had before his eyes usually did for his entire life.
"Should I repeat?" Kuwei asked, since Wylan hadn't reacted in any way to his translation, on the contrary, he had remained stunned with his mouth half-open in surprise.
"Read again. Please." Wylan almost begged.
"Do you want me to read in Shu?" Kuwei was clearly puzzled.
"Yes. But point with your finger which word you're reading."
"All right." Kuwei frowned, but did as he asked. Wylan burst into euphoric laughter as, once again, the text didn't dance across the paper like crazy, but stayed exactly where it was.
"I can not believe it!" He ran a hand through his hair without being able to take his eyes off the notebook, his mouth hanging open in a smile of pure joy.
"What's going on here? What is all this happiness at this time of the night?" Jesper had appeared behind them and immediately rested his chin on Wylan's shoulder to spy on what they were looking at with such interest.
"Jes!" Wylan exclaimed without holding back his enthusiasm, he whirled on Jesper forcing him to move from the comfort of his shoulder. "I can read!"
"But that's Shu." Jesper looked at him confused.
"I know, I know. I'm not saying I understand the meaning, but I can keep the words still! I don't know how it's possible, maybe it depends on the fact that it's an alphabet that works differently from ours… The same goes for musical sheets. Music has its own alphabet and I can read it. Maybe if I learned Shu I could read normally, I could do so many things" Wylan spoke quickly, the stream of thoughts coming out of his mouth out of control. He was so electrified that the agitation had also pervaded his body and he had started to jump slightly.
"You're cute when you're excited." Jesper laughed at his energetic reaction. Then he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to calm his pacing.
"How do you recognize us from behind?" Kuwei asked, up to that moment he had remained silent. It was true, Jesper had never confused them in those days at the Black Veil, and even now that he had approached them from behind, he hadn't made any mistake in distinguishing between them.
"Wy has a mole on the back of his neck, right here." Jesper's finger had pressed into a point on Wylan's neck making him shiver. "Besides, he's got freckles on his hands, see?" And he had accompanied those words by taking Wylan's hand and raising it to their eye level. There was no chance to cover the heat that warms Wylan's face and ears at that moment. "Oh, here's another thing. He blushes like that." Jesper concluded with a satisfied grin.
"Will you stop teasing me?" Wylan put his hands to his cheeks to hide the blush.
"I'll stop when it'll stop being fun." Jesper laughed when Wylan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Anyway, it's like two in the morning. We should go to bed."
"Yes, in a moment. I just wanted to finish something with Kuwei." Wylan returned to the notebook determined to ignore any further provocation from Jesper.
"Don't be too late. Tomorrow is a big day."
"Alright. Good night, Jesper." He greeted him without looking up from the papers.
Jesper walked away with a wink and Kuwei waved at him. Wylan concentrated on searching through the notes, quickly running his eyes over the formulas, when Kuwei finally spoke: "Are you two together?"
"What? Who?" The question caught him off guard.
"You and Jesper. Are you together?" Kuwei repeated, his amber eyes fixed on him, his lips pressed together waiting for an answer.
"No. We… We're just friends, we're not together."
"Good, because I like him."
Wylan felt like he'd just been hit in the stomach, the decisiveness in Kuwei's tone hurt even more. He lowered his eyes to the papers again, not knowing what to reply to him. "I see," was the only thing he managed to say.
"I'm going to sleep. Give me the notebook back in the morning." And without deigning him a greeting, Kuwei turned his back on him and walked away.
What Wylan felt was a mixture of jealousy and envy, because he too wished he had all that confidence in declaring his feelings. The sheets continued to flow without him paying more attention to what he was looking at, until he came across something that was definitely not chemistry: a drawing, but perhaps it would have been better to say 'scribble' given how it was done with little skill, representing Jesper. And immediately after another, and another. The urge to tear the papers and set them on fire was so strong that Wylan had to use all his self-control to keep from starting an arson inside the tomb. He closed the notebook and threw himself on a chair, his thumb that day had seen no mercy, he restarted chewing it, anxiously.
Suddenly he heard a soft scraping, so he immediately leapt to his feet. But the next instant Rotty and Specht slipped into the tomb and Wylan calmed down.
"Hello. We weren't expecting you. I'll call Kaz right away," Wylan said, already moving towards the room where Dirtyhands slept.
"Call the others too, we have a lot to say." Specht's words alarmed him, but Wylan did as he was told without asking further questions. They would explain in due course.
The updates were quick and far from reassuring; they already knew that the list of their enemies was getting longer and longer every day, but the death of Muzzen, the one who had been Matthias' replacement at the Hell Gate, could only mean one thing: they were getting closer. How long would it take to find them also in Black Veil?
"There's something else," Rotty said, and Wylan found himself praying for the day to end, he was sick of the bad news. "Someone's kicking up dust looking for Jesper."
"His creditors will have to wait," Kaz replied acidly, and Jesper winced in mortification, his gaze down on the toes of his boots.
"No," Rotty said with a shake of his head. "A man showed up at the university. Jesper, he claims he's your father."