"Right then Miss Granger, what do you want with us?" Fred batted his eyelashes, ignoring everyone else she'd asked to stay behind in the room after the D.A. meeting. "I had no idea I was your type."
"Oh Freddie," she purred with a mischievous glint in her eye, startling him, "We were looking for a third."
He gaped momentarily, utterly blindsided as George cackled next to him, "If it's a third you're looking for Granger, you'd be better with the less sheltered twin." he offered dryly.
Hermione snorted, "I'll bear that in mind."
"Ah…a third, Mione?" Neville asked hesitantly, his eyes darting between Hermione and the twins as if the conversation would suddenly make sense.
"Hermione and Pansy Parkinson are very much a thing," Luna's dreamy voice answered as she lounged back on a garishly patterned beanbag the room had just created for her, "Their auras are rather beautiful you know, they swirl together nicely. I don't think they're really looking for a third just yet but perhaps when they decide to have children they can take George up on his generous offer."
Neville blinked back at her, ignoring the choked laughter of everyone else and Hermione's startled wheeze. "Hermione and Pansy Parkinson," he repeated sounding bewildered.
"Yes." Hermione gasped, trying to get herself back under control. Merlin. Children. Tiny humans that resembled either her or Pansy. Gods she'd never even considered it, they were far too young for that nonsense. Her eyes slid to George. Weasley twin children. Perhaps not. They'd be ruthless and brilliant and completely out of control. None of them would survive that combination. She shook it off, returning to the task at hand. "Now can we get on with the reason we're here?"
"No, but…Pansy Parkinson…." Neville looked at her as if he'd never seen her before, jumping when Ginny hit the back of his head.
"Yes." Hermione agreed again, sounding much more calm as she set Umbridge, who appeared to have exhausted herself inside her new home and was sumped in a seat Pansy had thoughtfully provided for her, on the table. "And if any of you repeat that out with these walls, I'll put you in here with her."
There were several beats of silence as they looked at Umbridge with a mix of astonishment, curiosity and fear. "Oh. She's much better in there isn't she?" Luna smiled, breaking the silence, moving to wave genially at a gawping Umbridge. "Much safer for her too, she might have had some sort of ah...accident if she'd continued on as she was."
"Mione love….is that really Umbridge?" Ginny asked hesitantly.
"Yes." Hermione beamed, "Pansy gave me her for Christmas."
Four sets of eyes blew wide before Fred and George began to laugh. "Oh…oh Miss Mione. I think I might approve of this girlfriend of yours after all," George howled, following Luna's example and waving at Umbridge. The smirk on his face seemed to upset her as she bolted, cowering under the miniature four-poster bed at the back of the box.
"wonderful. Now. We," she gestured at Harry and Ron, "Had been considering whether others might want a new pet."
The room went utterly still before feral grins appeared on everyone's faces. "Oh yes," Ginny cackled. "I think I'd love one."