The Smile That Left Your Eyes
In which a girl tired of loving crosses paths with a guy incapable of loving.
"Have you ever cried before?" She remembered asking him, her head resting on his shoulder as he painted.
"No. Not really."
"I bet they'd look beautiful on you."
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Inspiration gotten from a Korean drama with the same title. Rated M for mature themes. Dark angsty romance SasuSaku Au One-shot.
This story is a one-shot but because of how long it is, I'll be posting it in two or three parts.
Enjoy the first part!
PART ONE:
When Tangents Meet.
She was drunk.
Head spinning, heart racing, vision blurring, words slurring type of drunk.
She had no idea how she had ended up at a party, dressed in a red sequence she was sure as hell didn't own. She hated red. But she knew she was out of her mind when she decided to drink the first cup that had been offered to her.
And now, as she stood on the rooftop of the building, feeling the distant music pump through the air into her feet, she concluded that she really was out of her mind. She had never been an impulsive person, running through scenarios and planning ahead, even down to the smallest details so she wouldn't be caught off guard—so she knew what she was doing.
But as she stared down from the five-story building, she couldn't help but wonder if her impulsiveness was finally kicking in. It made her idly wonder if they ever regretted it. Moments before they let go, did they ever think it was a bad idea?
Maybe she could find out now if she tried.
With a shaky breath, she rose a foot up and then hovered it in the air just as the door of the roof shoved open. She dropped her foot back and sighed quietly; half annoyed and half relieved. Closing her eyes, she hoped whoever it was didn't notice her and that they'd be leaving soon.
They didn't. Instead, she heard footsteps coming closer.
"Are you going to jump?" A voice asked beside her. At first, she thought the voice was just a hallucination her mind had made up.
But when she turned, she found something else that chilled her bones and made her hot at the same time. The person- a man, who looked about her age, maybe a year or two older, stood not too far from her, leaning against the iron railings.
Since it was nighttime, she thought she couldn't see him clearly, but she did. His whole demeanor dripped with ease. Too calm. Too blank. Too absent. Any normal person would be worried if they saw someone look like they were this close to jumping to their death. But he just stood, emotionless. Completely unbothered.
Digging into his jean pocket, he retrieved a cigarette roll, igniting it before drawing a long breath and released it out in a huge puff. When his eyes met hers, she caught herself breathless. She had never seen such a dark shade of eyes before. Or maybe she had, but they seemed darker when attached to a person like him. They were dark pools she could drown in all day, she realized.
His face held an air of nonchalance that unsettled her as he spoke again. "I asked if you were going to jump?" She felt her skin tingle from how his voice passed through her ears and down her stomach. Voices weren't supposed to go beyond the ear- but his went right through and ran down her entire body, giving her chills. It was confident, deep, and a bit dark.
She turned, looking away from his gaze. His presence was starting to make her dizzy.
When she didn't reply, he took another drag, and she turned back to him just in time to watch as he puffed out two circles of air. Her eyes followed the smoke as it rose to the sky, fading away slowly.
She wished she could fade away like that too.
"What's your name?"
"Sakura," She finally answered, hating the way her voice sounded too weak. Too fragile. She wondered if he heard her.
He stared down the building and then back up at her. "Five," he whistled. "That's quite high. Are you really going to jump?"
"I wasn't-"
"If you aren't, it's best you get down." Despite the subtleness in his tone, it sounded demanding. Like a command. "You are a mere inch away from falling down. I have no problem with you doing that, but not here," he shook his head. "You'll ruin my high."
Sakura nearly scoffed at the stranger. His audacity was infuriating. Was he telling her to jump, or was he merely asserting his dominance?
And who the hell was he?
"I came here first." She retorted, her frustration mounting. She was somewhat somber now.
"This building doesn't belong to you though." He said with a dismissive shrug.
"Why are you here anyway? If it's for a smoke, you can always do that elsewhere. Why here?" She asked.
He looked at her and stared, hard, as though all her secrets were written on her face. Then he turned away from her, continuing to take drags of his cigarettes. She had watched him for so long, waiting for him to leave. She had no idea when she'd jumped down the railings and took the cigarette roll from his hand.
She took a large inhale only to burst out in a fit of hysterical coughs seconds later. She heard him laugh.
It was a nice sound.
''I'm assuming you've never smoked before.'' he grabbed the cigarette from her hand and tossed it away.
''No,'' she heaved, her eyes watering up. ''You just looked so cool while doing it.''
"Well, at least it got you to come down." For a short second, his eyes glimmered like he'd finally found something worth his interest. Before it simmered back into a deadpanned abyss.
Even still, he was beautiful. It almost hurt to look at him.
She stared at his lips, her eyes watching as they slowly turned to a smile that didn't reach those dark eyes of his. And then he turned without a word and left.
Sakura remained frozen in place, unable to wrap her head around what had happened.
She couldn't tell if it was his eyes that eventually compelled her or his smile. But she was well aware of the uncontrollable pounding of her heart as she watched him leave.
Realizing too late that she didn't even know his name.
TWO
No one really knew anything about Haruno Sakura. All they knew was that she was pretty and rich.
Not her uncle, not her aunt, and certainly not her boyfriend.
She loved her uncle and aunt. But their love for her only meant as much money as she had.
When asked, her boyfriend, Sasori, would simply shrug and grin. ''She's a good girl,'' he would say.
Sakura didn't know what to make of him either. Sure, he was her boyfriend, and sure she loved him. But that was all to it.
She'd caught him cheating once. And then it became a multiple thing. And he knew, but they never talked about it.
Rather, she didn't want to. Thinking he would leave her if she did.
And so, she let it be.
He cheated on her with her cousin, Ame.
Ame absolutely loved Sakura. Following her around like a lost puppy.
Sakura loved her cousin too. But she soon came to realize their friendship only meant as much time as she could spend with Sasori.
Nothing ever lasted, Sakura realized. They always wanted something from her. No matter how many times she gave out, she got nothing in return. She loved with her heart, soul, and tears, only to receive a whiplash of the cold reality.
But, she wasn't stupid, she knew they were using her.
And yet she let it all happen, knowing if she continued to act ignorant, everything would play out eventually.
And so she continued to love.
Continued and continued till she forgot the true meaning of it.
No one knew anything about Sakura. Especially how much she seemed to love everyone.
"We always say the lord's prayer before we eat." Sakura looked up from her food, flashing her eyes towards her aunt who was glaring down at the young man Ame had brought home.
He was different from the rainbow head she'd brought over last week. She couldn't count how many now— six? This one made it the seventh.
Ame laughed nervously, squeezing the shoulder of her new 'beloved'. "Sorry Mother," she said. "I forgot to let him know the rules of our house."
The rules of my house, Sakura wanted to add but the words died on her tongue.
"Hmph," her aunt grunted. Ame was the spitting image of her mother. Same brown hair, and brown eyes. They were identical in every angle. A nuisance from every angle as well.
The boy, Mito, was his name, offered a tight smile, clearly uncomfortable. Sakura almost pitied him.
Poor boy. If only he knew what he was getting into.
Dinner went by in a blur and Sakura excused herself.
Feeling so constricted and restrained in her own home. She hated it.
She needed the quiet of her home.
Needed the order of her home.
Needed a reprieve from the suffocating air.
It wasn't always like this. Once her home bubbled with laughter, happiness, and love. A dark night and an accident was all it took to take away that source of happiness.
It didn't take long before her Uncle and Aunt swept in under the pretense of wanting to be there for her as a family should. At first, she was okay with it. After a few months, she learned she couldn't count on them for anything.
Her uncle, whom she rarely ever saw at home, claimed he was off on some business trips. But Sakura knew that was a lie. He was somewhere, wasting money on booze and women while his wife sat idly at home emphasizing on the pathetic rules she made herself.
To this day, she wondered why they had never separated when their bond was one merged with lies and hollow hate for each other.
Whatever, it wasn't her business.
It was never her business to begin with anyway.
Coincidentally, she ran into him at the cafe shop she frequented. He was seated alone, sipping his latte from one hand and going through his phone with the other. She had to be sure it was him before she approached him, at least she ended up embarrassing herself.
There was no mistaking it though. That absent-minded aura was around him like a cloud. Like it was made just for him.
"I didn't catch your name the last time," she said, taking a seat in front of his table.
If he was surprised to see her, he didn't react. He blinked, staring at her like he'd forgotten who she was. Maybe he had. Or maybe he was pretending. She hoped it was the latter.
He dropped his latte on the table and pocketed his phone. And then he smiled. It was the same empty smile he'd given her two nights before. "Sasuke." He said in that laid-back voice of his.
Strange how she found herself happy to hear his voice.
"Sasuke," she called out his name. Repeating it over and over again in her mind until it registered there like a stamp.
"Sakura, was it?"
"Yes," she nodded. So he hadn't forgotten.
"It's a nice name." He told her softly. Her chest warmed at the thought of her name being called nice. It's been a while since anyone ever complimented her, and hearing it from a stranger no less made her happy.
He didn't say anything more and returned to his phone. Sakura got the note that he wasn't interested in talking and somehow that disappointed her. He was in a league of his own, giving off the vibe of a dangerous criminal. Like a mastermind who controlled from the shadows. She wanted to talk more with him and know what kind of person he was.
And so she sat, hoping her presence would press him to talk. She didn't know what to strike up with him either. She ordered for an Ice-Americano and stared at the city through the cafe's window.
"-to jump?"
She whipped her head to him. "What?"
"Were you going to jump? The night I saw you?" He asked with complete disinterest. Made her wonder if he was really curious to know. She didn't mind though, so far he was talking to her again.
She looked into his apathetic eyes. "I wasn't planning to die. I'm not a suicidal person." She laughed in a no-nonsense tone. It felt like a lie as she said it. She did want to disappear at times.
He raised an eyebrow and his lips twitched in the slightest of movement. "So, what were you planning on?"
"It's a long story." She breathed out, not sure if she should be telling him stuff like that.
He leaned back on his seat, folding his arms. "I have time." He glanced down at her hands and Sakura swore something had flashed in his eyes."That must have hurt like hell."
She looked down at her hands, confused as to what he meant until she saw the red, bruising marks around her wrists. She could only nod in response as she hid her hands underneath the table. "I'm trying to run away from home." She said quietly.
Sasuke's expression was impassive but he seemed slightly interested so she decided to test the water. It was a stupid decision to confide in a stranger but she couldn't stop herself. "My parents died in a car accident when I was ten. I've been living with my uncle and aunt for a while now but sometimes, it's suffocating." Her lips quivered slightly. "I just need a new air. Something different from the life I'm living."
She waited for a reaction from him. Her green eyes gazed at him, searching for any emotion. He could have been carved out of stone.
Finally, he muttered. "How unfortunate." He leaned forward and brushed his fingers against her cheek as if wiping off an imaginary tear. "I would have said I'm sorry for how things turned out for you," he leaned back. "But I'll just be lying."
"You don't feel anything even after what I said?" She had to ask.
He shook his head. "Not really."
She scoffed. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through her head that she felt she might explode if they got too much. Her mind tried to grasp reality as she realized that this was what she was looking for.
What she always wanted. She looked at Sasuke. He was handsome, she wondered if he knew that about himself. She wanted to hug him right there and then but she settled for something else.
With relaxed shoulders, she confessed, "I like you."
He released a chuckle that sent chills down her spine and smiled. It didn't reach his eyes, not even close, and it was the third time he'd shown her that. And for the life of herself, she couldn't figure out why she found herself memorizing every second of it.
"You like me?" He echoed.
"Yes." Her voice grew more confident.
He stared at her for a long time and she wondered what he was thinking about. He never gave anything away; even his body movements were hard to read.
"You are the opposite of me. I am always feeling things. I have so many emotions and they always eat me up. I hate it." She breathed. "I hate that I feel that way."
And that was the truth. Sakura believed and loved too easily and that's why she was always treated like trash. Always trampled on by the same people she tried so desperately to love.
"You have it bad, don't you?" Sasuke said darkly with a laugh, the beautiful sound echoing in her ear. "So do I."
She didn't doubt that. She felt a spark between them like a fire she wasn't ready to put out yet. It made her curious. She knew if she touched it, she would get burnt.
"Let's make a deal." He suddenly offered. "You will teach me how to feel things."
At that moment, she knew she would gladly get burnt.
"And in return, I'll teach you how not to."
THREE
''You don't look happy Sasuke, what's wrong?'' The dark-haired female in front of him asked.
''I've always looked unhappy.'' He told her sulkingly, rolling his eyes.
She shook her head at his tone and turned to face the mirror in front of her, applying a few touches of pink to her lips, and then combed her hair neatly, packing it up in a bun. He looked away from her and walked over to her counter desk. On it was a framed photograph that he reached out for.
His eyes narrowed as he stared at the smiling people in it. ''Is it wrong that I hate him?'' he asked her and she knew exactly who he was referring to.
''It's only wrong if you hate him for no reason.'' Her tone faltered a little.
''You two aren't fit for each other.'' He told her.
''What makes you think that?'' she questioned, raising a challenging brow.
He shrugged. ''You just don't.'' He dropped the frame back on the table.
She sighed and then gave him a small smile.
''Do you love him?''
She threw him a look, one that told him she was not interested in his questions. He matched hers.
''I'm late Sasuke. See you when I get back from work.'' She walked over to him, pulled him into a hug, and placed a kiss on his cheek.
His face scrunched up in disgust and she laughed.
Just then her smile faded and her once bright face was replaced with one that held nothing but pain and despair. Sasuke stared with wide eyes as blood oozed from a corner of their mouth.
''H…help m…m..e.'' the face breathed out.
He continued to stare and watch as the face was consumed by the hot, blazing fire around them.
He drew back, and just like it was every time he had this particular dream, he ran.
The sharp ringing of the alarm on the desk woke Sasuke up. His eyes snapped open; his breathing sharp and raspy. He sat up straight in his bed and placed a palm on his chest, feeling the rapid beat. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead as he took in breaths to calm himself down.
That dream again. He wondered why he always had it. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why the faces that appeared in his dream were always a blur. But he did know that each time he woke, there was this constricting pain in his chest that felt like it was being pulled out.
"Ten," He said, finishing his mental countdown.
Then instantly he was pissed; remembering what it was that had made him have that dream in the first place. He threw an irritated glare at the still-ringing alarm clock, and with his fist, cut off its ringing.
Tch. He was meant to meet Sakura today.
With a sigh, he got out of his bed and strolled into his bathroom.
Sasuke was intrigued, to say the least. He had never met a girl like Sakura before. And for the first time, he actually wanted to know more about someone; about her.
It was midnight when he first saw her. He had been outside, leaning against a random beat-up car, hidden in the shadows across the street. The music from the bar across pumped with a distant sound.
He didn't want to be here, but his so-called friends had thought he needed some fun and party in his life and so they brought him to a bar. He was incurious, watching sweaty bodies joined together in rhythms they called a dance. And so he left. He liked to stay hidden. People were always looking at him, pointing at him, and whispering about him.
He tried not to pay them any mind, but sometimes the voices got really loud. The way they always talked like they had nothing better to do. The way they never seemed to shut up.
And so he relished in silence with his lips wrapped around his cigarette. The smoke danced in the air, curving his vision as his eyes caught a movement in the shadows. He craned his neck up to see well. Someone was standing on the railings of the bar building, looking down.
It seemed like the person was going to jump.
Sasuke had never been a curious person; always staying detached from anything he considered not worth his time. But he found himself going up to meet her. He'd gone to see if she was going to jump, wanting to do nothing more but observe.
"Five," he whistled when she gave him her name. It was a nice name. "That's quite high. Are you really going to jump?" He could see the emotions that ran through her green eyes and he was fascinated by it.
He had learned quite early that he didn't fit into the normal society or had the preached standards one was meant to have.
Compassion, love, hate, joy, sympathy. He didn't know about those. Well, he did, but only by their textbook definition. They weren't a necessity to him either.
However, he did know that there was a darkness that was potent inside him; one that clawed at him from the inside and demanded fucked up urges. The urges were dull most of the time, so he paid them no mind.
Sasuke didn't necessarily like many things nor did he hate anything. Once, he had tried to empathize with people. He had witnessed an accident once with a friend. A lot of people had gathered around, their faces contoured into an emotion he couldn't decipher.
His friend had the same reaction. And when he'd ask why they looked like that, she had looked at him with paused lips and….confusion.
Yes, that had been the look.
She never talked to him again after that. But he could feel something was wrong whenever she looked at him. With pity and sometimes fear.
Pity for how he turned out.
Fear for who he might turn out to be.
And so, in order not to get such looks again, he tried to conform himself to standards that were normal enough for him. And maybe, that was why Sakura had caught his interest.
Sasuke didn't care about a lot of things. But with her around, he hoped that was going to change.
"So, what exactly is it that you do for fun?" Sakura asked on their third day of meeting. She stood beside him, watching his every movement. He took a long drag from his cigarette and furrowed his eyebrows in concentration; as if thinking deeply about what exactly it was that he did for fun.
Sakura was surprised at how eager she had been to hang out with him today. For the past two nights, she had trouble falling asleep, eagerly waiting for the moment they'd see again.
"What I do for fun, huh?" He asked, more to himself. He was the kind of person who took in words, chewed them, and then decided if he was going to ignore or reply. "Want to see?"
She nodded, almost missing the glint that sparked in his eyes.
FOUR
He took her to his home.
Well, if she could call it one.
It was a rundown apartment; the room was windowless, furnished with a single bed and an empty shelf beside it. It was a cold and lonely room. One befitting of its owner.
"You stay here?" She asked, quirking a brow at him.
Sasuke nodded. "Sometimes,"
"I see." When he told her he was taking her to see his place, this was not what she had in mind. She was pretty sure this was just some uncompleted building that belonged to no one and he'd decided to make it his residence.
He walked ahead to a door and pushed down the handle. The inside was different. It was a large room filled with various artworks. Pencils, sketchbooks, watercolors, brushes, canvas, and easels, were all spewed all over the room.
It dawned on Sakura that this was an art studio.
"You draw?'' She gasped out.
"Yeah."
She willed herself forward, taking in the beautiful paintings. There were drawings of sunrise and sunset, the beach, and a tree house. "They are really beautiful." She praised, turning to face him.
"Want to see something else?"
"Sure."
He reached for the switch in the room and flipped it off, plunging the room into almost total darkness. The sprinkling of stars on the ceiling glowed an eerie light green color.
"Whoa."
Sasuke flipped the light back on. "They were painted with fluorescent colors."
Sakura took them all in and nodded solemnly. She liked this side of him; the side that wanted to show her what kind of person he was. Turning around, she focused on the paintings on the wall that intertwined with other smaller paintings. She pointed to a portrait. "What's that?"
"My family, I guess."
"You guess?"
He lifted his dark eyes to her. "I grew up in an orphanage. My memories of my family are a bit scattered. Sometimes I have these images in my head, but that's as far as it goes.''
She looked down at the portrait. There was a younger-looking Sasuke and a boy Sakura assumed was his older brother. And then his mom and dad stood behind them. "Didn't the orphanage tell you what happened?"
Sasuke crossed his arms and his lips lifted slightly. "No, and in all honesty, I wasn't really interested. There was no point knowing about people I didn't remember."
Sakura looked away. She had so many memories about her parents, it hurt to even think about them.
"Tell me about your parents." He prompted out of the blue.
"My dad was an officer and my mom was a doctor." She laughed softly. "Going into the medical field was my aspiration."
Sasuke watched her carefully as if he could sense how delicate she was. "Why didn't you do it then?"
His eyes entranced her and Sakura felt she could spill her entire life story to him. She wondered why he was curious about her, but she decided she was tired of keeping all these emotions to herself. She needed to let them go. Her gaze wandered to the paintings on the wall. "After my parents death, I hated my life. People didn't seem to care about me. I was just like an unwanted, floating object."
She looked at him, "Do you know how frightening it is to be alive and invisible?" He didn't reply and she didn't expect him to either. "I wasn't paid attention to. Even when I loved, I was given nothing in return. Eventually, I began to lose interest in everything." She shrugged. "That's why I didn't do it."
Sasuke remained silent as he regarded her. Tired and a bit wary, she sighed. "What else do you do for fun?" She had half expected him to care.
In the weeks that went by, Sakura had lost herself to Sasuke's presence. She looked forward to hanging out with him almost every day. Her aunt never bothered to ask about her whereabouts whenever she returned late at night and Sakura never bothered to let her know either.
It was strange how being with him gave her a sense of calm. She told herself that as long as he wasn't chasing her away then he liked her company. As long as he listened to her whenever she talked even though he wouldn't contribute much, she would gladly spill her heart out to him.
He was always gentle with her too–never asking too much or going out of line. He was like a dark anti-hero. The kind of guy brothers would warn their sisters to stay away from.
Dangerous yet captivating.
Her anti-hero.
''Have you stolen a car before?'' she asked him one night as they lay on the mat in his room.
''You want to steal a car?''
''Yeah,'' she laughed. ''Have you?''
He turned to her, his dark eyes promising her nothing but trouble. ''Let's go.'' he stood to his feet and pulled her up.
They arrived at a car lot and Sasuke began to assess the different makes and models.
She watched as he expertly jimmied the lock of a sleek black sports car and hotwired it in a matter of seconds. She smiled at him when he turned to her with a small grin. ''Get in,'' he said.
The car they'd stolen belonged to one Harata M. They'd get arrested if they were caught. But Sakura didn't care. She felt invincible with him by her side. The hum of the engine echoed in the vacant street. She stood to peer out of the car's hood, her arms outstretched in the air as she let the cool wind beat her hair against her face.
''Woo-hoo!'' she screamed, cupping her hands to her mouth. ''This is fun!''
She felt free at the moment. Like the world was gone and it was only her that mattered.
She and her dark anti-hero. She looked down at him, her cheeks flushed a bright red when she noticed he was looking at her too with a smile that almost, almost, reached his eyes.
TBC…..
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