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Chapter 24

"You really don't have to come."

Liv pokes her head out of her bathroom to look at him sitting on her bed. "Your mother invited us."

"My mother is meddling."

"What did she mean by, 'he talks about you'?" She questions teasingly.

"I may have mentioned you once or twice."

Coming from her bathroom, she steps between his knees, sweeping her fingers through his hair. He's let it go almost naturally, and she loves running her fingers through it. "I drive you a little crazy?" She repeats, smiling.

Rafael slides his hands up under her towel. "Since the day I met you."

She presses a kiss to his lips, pulling away, heading to her closet before things escalate any further. "Are you ok with Noah and I meeting your family?"

"I would have preferred to ask you myself, set up something on more neutral ground, but that's my mother for you."

Noah joins them in her room, climbing up on the bed beside Rafael. "Do you think your abuelita will like my card?"

His Spanish is improving, and Rafael smiles. The card is made out of yellow construction paper, a birthday cake and flowers drawn on the front. On the inside he's written, 'Happy Birthday, Abuelita!' signing it, 'love Noah.'

His chest tightens a little.

"I think she'll love it, Noah."

Liv emerges from her closet, dressed in a flower print sundress and he takes more than a minute to appreciate it.

"You look pretty, momma," Noah smiles.

Liv smiles too. "Thank you, sweet boy. You should go change; you can't wear your pj's to a birthday party."

"Let's go!" Rafael scoops the boy into his arms, carrying him over his shoulder. "We have to look good next to Mami."

Noah giggles, and she presses a kiss to his lips, sending them on their way.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

He's lost in thought in the drivers side next to her. While Noah had been more than excited to go to a birthday party, the nerves that settled in both of them hang heavily between them in the car.

Meeting his family is a big step, and while she's nervous, it doesn't seem to compare to the pensive mood Rafael has fallen into. The drive from Manhattan to the Bronx is long enough for him to be mute next to her.

Glancing in the review mirror, Noah has his headphones on, head bobbing along to whatever it is he's watching on his iPad.

"You ok?" She questions gently.

His jaw jumps, and he gives her a strained smile. "Am I that easy to read?"

Turning in her seat a bit, she watches his profile. "No, not really," she admits. "I can just feel that something's bothering you." His grip tightens on the steering wheel and she reaches out to take his free hand. "You can talk to me."

He laces his fingers with hers and it's several, quiet minutes before he says anything. "….going back to the Bronx isn't exactly one of my favourite things to do. I avoid it as much as possible, actually."

"Why?"

He shrugs noncommittally. "There's too many why's."

She sweeps her thumbs over the back of his hand, waiting for him to elaborate.

"….mainly my father."

He's spoken so little of the man, and judging by the bitterness in his tone, there's a reason behind that. "You're relationship is strained?"

"Was," he corrects. "….he died after falling into a diabetic coma. It's been 15 years and my hands still curl into fists whenever I think of him."

She squeezes his hand encased in hers. She's not going to lecture him on how incredibly long that is to hold on, because she gets it. "…..my father raped my mother. She never forgave me for it."

He quickly looks over at her. "Liv."

"I get it."

He raises her hand to his lips, kissing it.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When he finally pulls up next to the brick house on Jerome avenue, the party is in full swing.

"Did you grow up here, Uncle Rafa?" Noah questions from the backseat.

He turns in his seat to look back at him. "Yeah, I did."

Noah meets his gaze. "Cool!"

She smiles, watching as the tension in his demeanour softens a little. "Ok, remember what we talked about?"

"Not to forget my manners," Noah recites, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Right," Liv agrees, unbuckling her seatbelt too.

They all climb out, Rafael grabbing the rice dish he had brought at his mothers request. Noah slips between them, taking both of their hands as they make their way up the stone path to the front door.

It immediately swings open and Lucia stands in the doorway, smiling. "You made it!"

Rafael greets his mother with a kiss on the cheek. "Did you leave me much of a choice?"

His mother gives him a look, turning to Olivia. "I'm so glad you both came! Rafi has told me so much about you!"

She looks over at him, and he conveniently takes Noah into the kitchen to deposit the dish in his hand. "Only good things I hope."

Lucia loops her arm with hers, steering her into the house. "Only good things," she reassures. "I can tell that he has great respect and admiration for you and the work you do."

"The feeling's mutual."

"Tia! Where do you want this?"

Lucia's attention is pulled to the young man carrying a cooler of ice, and she directs him out to the backyard.

Heading into the kitchen, Noah holds Rafael's hand as he situates his dish among the copious amounts of food. She slides her hand along his back, running her fingers through her sons curls. "That's a lot of food."

"That's just round one," he comments. "Let me introduce you to the birthday girl." He takes her hand, leading them both out into the backyard.

There's a good crowd of people congregating around the barbecue and lawn furniture, kids running around playing with a soccer ball. Many people call out to him, and he gives them a cursory nod not stopping to talk. His abuelita is sitting in an elaborately decorated lawn chair, her foot tapping along to the music that's playing over the sound system.

Her gaze drifts towards them and the smile that crosses her face is nothing if not pure love.

Rafael smiles as he approaches, moving to give her a hug. "Feliz cumpleaños, Abuelita."

The elderly women embraces him in a tight hug. "Rafi, you came!"

He kisses her on the cheek, kneeling in front of her. "Of course I did."

She gives him a look, the one that says she knows he's lying, but she smiles anyway. "And you brought someone?"

Rafael looks back at Liv and Noah. "This is Olivia Benson and her son, Noah."

"Happy Birthday!" Noah greets. "I made this for you!"

Catalina accepts the card, reading it carefully. "Why, this is beautiful! Thank you so much, Noah!"

Noah smiles, moving to give her a hug to which she returns happily.

"We're so happy to be here celebrating with you," Olivia adds, kneeling down next to Rafael.

The elderly women wraps an arm around Noah, holding him at her side while she looks between the two of them. "Oh, I'm so happy that you're here, with my Rafi."

She catches the flush that fills his cheeks. "Can we get you anything?"

Catalina waves her off. "Noah and I are going to go get some cake."

Noah's face lights up, and he happily takes the elderly women's hand as she leads him back into the house.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

As much as he wanted to blend into the crowd, Olivia is a magnet his family gravitates towards. She happily meets practically everyone at the party and while he has stood beside her silently, she carries the conversation for the both of them effortlessly. So when his mother and Yelena make a beeline for them in the crowd, he immediately grabs her hand in his.

She looks over at him. "You ok?"

He nods towards his mother and Yelena weaving their way through the sea of people towards them. "Incoming."

She frowns, not getting the chance to ask him why, Lucia appearing at her side.

"Olivia, I want you to meet one of Rafi's oldest friends, Yelena," Lucia introduces.

Olivia looks over at him and the blush that's creeping up his neck confirms her unspoken question. "It's nice to meet you."

Yelena accepts her outstretched hand, before moving to embrace Rafael. "Rafi, I didn't think you were coming. What a surprise!"

He embraces her back briefly before pulling away. Liv watches the strained smile cross his face, and she reaches for his hand, wrapping it around her waist as she leans into him. "We didn't think we were going to be able to make it, but by some small miracle, we caught a break in our schedules."

Yelena looks between them, the smile souring slightly on her face. "I'm sure Catalina is thrilled."

Lucia's face lights up. "You two should sing together!"

Rafael immediately shakes his head. "No-"

"-oh come on, Rafi!" Lucia cajoles.

Yelena reaches out to touch his arm. "It will be like old times."

"I'll pass," he answers a little too bitterly.

Yelena shakes her head. "How long are you going to hold it against me, Rafi?"

Rafael scoffs. "Don't make me out to be the bad guy-"

Lucia rubs her forehead, sighing. "-Please don't do this now. Not here with everyone watching-"

"-I'll go then," he offers.

Lucia's eyes fill with panic. "-Rafi, please-"

"-let him go, Lucia. It's what he does best," Yelena comments angrily.

Shaking his head, he walks away, leaving her standing there with a tearful Lucia and a fuming Yelena. She quickly scans the backyard for Noah, finding him still playing soccer with the other children.

Lucia explodes into Spanish, and Yelena attempts to calm her. Lucia doesn't want to hear any of it though, turning to Olivia, wiping her eyes. "Can you talk to him, please?"

Yelena rolls her eyes, walking away too.

"I can try, Lucia," she begins softly. "But I'm going to support whatever he decides."

She nods. "….his room is at the top of the stairs."

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Olivia leaves Noah in Abuelita's capable care, heading back inside of the house. It isn't any less congested, and she excuses herself through the people to the stairs leading to the second floor. No-one stops her and when she reaches the next level, she finds him exactly where his mother said he'd be.

His hands are framing the window, leaning over it with his head hung. The music and laughter from the party drifts up the stairs and settles among the heavy silence between them. She closes the door behind her, and his head turns to look over his shoulder.

He visibly relaxes at the sight of her. "…I'm sorry you had to see that."

She moves into the room, sitting on the bed. "You don't have to apologize," she reassures. Looking around, she's surprised at how empty the room is. "….this is your childhood bedroom?"

Pushing away from the window, he comes to sit beside her on the bed. "Pretty pathetic, isn't it?" He jokes.

The walls are a dingy white and bare of the typical things she would have expected to see in a childhood bedroom. There's no posters and pictures. There's no medals or trophies. There are a few books on a shelf and the bedspread is nothing memorable.

It's devoid of anything that she's come to know as him.

His love of literature and art. His eclectic taste in music and his love for Broadway. Colours and fabrics and smells. Everything she's seen and felt in his apartment.

She sweeps her fingers through his hair settling at the nape of his neck, noticing how his humour is barely masking the pain in his voice. "….learning to survive is not pathetic," she answers. "It's incredibly brave."

He shakes his head. "…..I thought I could do it….be here for Abuelita…..I feel so worthless, Liv."

She's surprised at the tears that well in his eyes, and she rubs his back. "We don't have to stay-"

"-and prove Yelena right yet again?" He says angrily.

"You're setting boundaries, Rafa," she clarifies. "You're not walking out."

He shakes his head again, wiping his eyes, rising to his feet. "I'll sing, then we're leaving."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

She and Noah find an empty lawn chair, and Noah climbs into her lap as they wait for Rafael to start singing. He's currently figuring out the sound system with one of the many cousins she met, and the rest of the crowd caries on talking and eating.

His cousin taps the microphone to get everyone's attention. "If I could have everyone's attention!" He waits a few minutes while everyone quiets down. "We all know that Mark has come down with laryngitis, so Rafi here has managed to clear his busy schedule to come and sing for our Abuela!"

It's a backhanded statement and the look on Rafael's face knows it.

He hands him the microphone and Rafael looks at it with disdain. Turning his attention to Catalina, he smiles. "Feliz cumpleaños, Abuelita."

It isn't a song that Liv recognizes, but the crowd clearly does as they smile, sway and hum along with him. She's not sure if he's chosen to sing it acapella, or if they couldn't get the sound system to work, but his voice is beautiful either way. Noah leans back into her, yawning, and she rocks him in her arms to Rafael's singing.

His Spanish sounds even more beautiful when he's singing, and his eyes connect with hers for a brief minute before focusing on Catalina.

When he finishes, there's raucous applause and a few chants for an encore from the crowd. He listens to non of it, handing his cousin back the microphone and heading towards his grandmother. He bends to give her a kiss and a hug and Catalina returns them.

The music returns and the party is in full swing again, and she presses a kiss to Noah's temple. "Let's go say goodbye, sweet boy."

Noah climbs off her lap and she takes his hand as they cross the backyard to join Rafael.

Catalina smiles at them both. "My Rafi says you're leaving now."

Liv nods, running her fingers through her sons curls. "We've got a bit of a drive home, and Noah's pretty tuckered out."

The elderly woman nods. "Thank you so much for coming. Please, come visit anytime!"

She shares a look with Rafael. "We will….and maybe you can come visit us."

Noah gives Catalina a tight hug. "Will you come to my birthday?"

Catalina smiles. "I'd love too."

They say their goodbyes, and they manage to make it to his car before Lucia finds them.

"You're leaving?" She questions, crossing the front lawn.

"We've got a long drive, and Noah's tired," he explains, opening the back door, helping Noah climb into his seat.

"You didn't take any food!"

"We're good," he answers, his voice clipped.

"Bye Lucia!" Noah calls from the backseat.

Rafael steps out of the way so that his mother can give Noah a hug goodbye. "You can call me grandma Lucia, honey-"

"-Mom," Rafael warns.

Liv rubs his back. "It's ok-"

"-none of this has been ok."

Lucia gives Noah a smile, and Liv closes the door in an attempt to shield Noah from the tension that's brewing.

"There's a reason I didn't want to come," he starts. "There's a reason why I offered to take you and Abeulita out to dinner for her birthday-"

"-this is your family, mijo-"

"My family?" He scoffs. "The family who makes me feel like I'm never going to be good enough? Or the family that were just being boys, when they would give me a fat lip or a bloody nose?-"

"-Rafi-"

"-the family that hurled homophobic slurs at me every chance they could get? That family?"

"That was such a long time ago, Rafi-"

"-Not long enough," he comments angrily. "I'm leaving." He gives her a halfhearted hug, a kiss on the cheek. "I love you and I hate how you always make me think that this time will be different."

Lucia frames her hands around her sons face, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Rafi."

"Me too." He circles the car, getting into the drivers side.

She's left standing there with Lucia, and all she can do is give her an empathic look. "He needs time."

Lucia shakes her head, wiping her eyes. "Time hasn't healed it yet. Thank you for coming. It was so nice having you and Noah with us. I know my mother was thrilled."

Liv takes her hands in hers giving them a squeeze. "Thank you for inviting us."

tbc

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