Chapter 16: Secrets Revealed
As I returned from Tigerclaw's and my outing, I spotted Ravenpaw tensely waiting by the apprentice's den. The way he tensed at my sight and how his eyes locked onto me told me it was time. I'd been patient and was going to be rewarded with Ravenpaw approaching me. He took two steps forward as I approached.
"I… I think I'm ready to talk." Mewed Ravenpaw.
Unfortunately, Tigerclaw would be back soon as well. The clearing of the camp may have been empty, but the last thing I wanted was Tigerclaw to catch us conversing. He'd know how much I was playing him.
"We can't talk here. Tigerclaw will be here any second. Head out the dirtplace and I'll go back out the entrance claiming I forgot something. I'll loop around to you."
Ravenpaw bolted for the dirtplace. Almost immediately after he disappeared into there, Tigerclaw shoved his way through the entrance. That had been too close. I turned and began to push my way out of camp.
"Where do you think you're going?" Asked Tigerclaw.
"I forgot one of my kills from hunting earlier. Since I'm supporting you, I can't afford to look bad and forget it."
Tigerclaw just let out an annoyed huff, but he let me leave with no other complaints. After waiting a second listening for Tigerclaw to enter the warriors den, I began following the camp edge towards the dirtplace. Ravenpaw met me halfway.
"You weren't kidding. He really was right behind you."
The way Ravenpaw looked in that moment distinctly reminded me of Firepaw. The way he annunciated the sentence sounded so childish and innocent, an innocence lost. I had to briefly bring my thoughts back under control. I'm not supposed to care about him. Firepaw is supposed to be my priority.
"Anyways, Ravenpaw, you wanted to talk to me?" asked in more of a statement.
Ravenpaw froze for a moment before responding. "Yes. Tigerclaw has been more… silent about my failures. I think he's trying to get something from me. You said you'd help me, so what do I do?"
"Well first, you've got to trust me with whatever it is that's gotten you spooked about Tigerclaw. Depending on what it is, we have different options to deal with the problem."
Ravenpaw was far smarter than I gave him credit for. He saw right through my attempt to gain information.
"Then what's to stop you from just abandoning me when you find out what I know. The others may not see it, but after being around Tigerclaw so much, I can tell when a cat wants to use me."
I was not ready for that, but that did not mean this meeting was a failure just yet. Maybe it was time to cut the act.
"Fine. I'll tell you why I want to know first. Then we'll strike a deal, and I never double cross a deal. That good enough for you?" I asked with measured hostility.
Somehow this calmed down Ravenpaw somewhat. The look on his face said it all. He'd never been fooled by my act. He could tell there was a coldness in my being the likes of which matched or exceeded Tigerclaw by tail lengths.
"Ok. Why are you so fixated on getting a secret on Tigerclaw?" Asked Ravenpaw calmly. It was a little disturbing to see that coolheadedness in that cat, but with my facades gone, he seemed less tense and more willing to investigate who I really am.
"Blackmail, or as Firepaw would call it a smudge. A thing you should know about Tigerclaw and I is that we don't think like regular cats. We are selfish beings through no fault of our own. We lack empathy, completely unable to understand it or even comprehend the concept of it. We literally can't understand what other cats are feeling or thinking because of a defect in our brains since birth. With that comes complications that prevent us from having any semblance of traditional morality. We develop obsessions. Tigerclaw's obsession is winning. Mine is ownership. Firepaw is mine to care for and protect, but I am not the strongest, nor do I have influence, but I do have a way with words. Tigerclaw offers the influence and strength I need to protect what is mine, while I have the knowledge and scheming to give him what he wants without bloodying our paws. It's a trade. What you've got is what I need. Right now, I'm coasting off Tigerclaw's need of me to succeed, but once he's deputy, he can cut me off without a thought. I need something to keep him in check."
Ravenpaw took a moment to process all I said after staring into my eyes to see if I ever lied once about what I said.
"You're mostly telling the truth. You lied at some point when you said we lack empathy."
Ravenpaw looked ready to bolt, so it was time to tell him the whole truth.
"I didn't exactly lie. I don't feel empathy for many cats. I've been restraining it. There is one cat I allow for right now and that is Firepaw. You see I'm not totally the sociopath I claimed to be, but I once was. Before I woke up from the vet when I was probably three moons old, I was exactly what I claimed to be. I was cold and ruthless caring only for myself and totally isolated due to my inability to understand others and make connections. I only knew how to use others as tools. After I woke up, I discovered my new ability, and smashed it down as much as I could. That logical part of my mind resented those new feelings, but it managed to leak out and form bods with beings I really thought I'd never attach to. I loved my owner, willing to give up my home and pampered life so she could chase her dreams. My other attachment was a kit just as old as me, a big dreamer who wanted to see the world and always had the first reaction to hold out a paw in kindness. I love him and his innocence. I've done many things to protect him from the darker parts of this world, but I can't coddle him forever. He's not ready to face it all, so I need every edge I can get."
Ravenpaw looked more at ease after my self-indulgent rant.
"I think I like you better this way Smudgepaw. No lies or deceit. I… I'll trust you. Do you remember when Redtail's body was brought back? Redtail didn't die by Oakheart. Tigerclaw killed him."
My eyes flashed with hunger as I stated, "tell me everything and leave nothing out.