Author's Note:
I spent HOURS, and I do mean HOURS researching for this scene. I actually read full medical journals on ventilators, extubation, etc, in addition to watching dozens of ventilator and extubation videos on youtube. Same goes for the previous chapter about hypoxemia and surgical fixation of broken ribs. Fascinating to me, but hella hard to write. There are things in this that are NOT medically accurate however, as I only had so much patience for precise medical language.
I hope this chapter comes across as well-detailed, easily visualized, and perhaps even a bit informative. (Though I hope you never need to learn about it first hand).
Enjoy!
~X~X~X~X~X~
A groan clawed its way past Rogue's throat as she slowly dragged herself back to consciousness. Everything HURT. Badly.
The last thing she could remember was hitting the button to release Remy from the X-Men's makeshift penitentiary.
After that everything got a little fuzzy, but she distinctly remembered being carried by strong arms that practically buzzed with warmth and energy.
The southerner tried to bring a hand up to her face, but her arm refused to move. She opened her mouth to speak, to ask for help or drugs to numb the pain, but her mouth refused to work. In fact, as she slowly became aware of her body, she realized she couldn't even breathe.
Gagging on something in her mouth and throat, Rogue held her breath, panicking at the feeling of being held down and something warm and wet blocking her airway.
NO!
Not again! Never again!
Tears flooded her eyes and she rallied her strength, trying to fight off unknown attackers regardless of her immobility and the agonizing shocks of pain.
"Hey, hey, easy chere, easy!" Soft words sifted into her terror-filled brain. A voice, calm and warm and familiar, slowed her spasmodic struggles.
A comforting hand caressed her hair back from her face.
Large, fuzzy fingers held her clenched fist.
"It's alright Rogue. Don't fight it, just let the machine breathe for you." Beast urged.
Despite the doctor's instructions, Rogue continued to struggle, gagging.
"Rogue?" A gentle voice tickled her mind, further soothing her panic. "Everything's fine, Rogue. You need to relax."
"Jean!?" Rogue screamed mentally.
"It's okay. It's just us. You're on a ventilator. One of your lungs collapsed." The redhead projected her thoughts into Rogue's mind, calming the young woman's mental state as the drugs calmed her body. "Just relax, honey."
"I'm giving her a small sedative. It won't put her under completely, but it will help ease her agitation."
"Ugh," the southerner scoffed in mental reply, trying to distract from her panic. "You know ah dont care f'r pet names, SUGAH."
Rogue's breathing slowly eased as her body stilled. Once Jean helped her rectify what was really happening, she quieted. "Sorry. Lost mah head there for a second."
"It's all right," Jean replied with a small smile. Physically, she was smiling down at Rogue, her hand on the southerner's forehead. "Completely understandable. Beast assumed that you'd react like that, which is why he thought it best to temporarily restrain you."
Rogue's heart rate spiked momentarily as she contemplated her current situation. "How - how long do ah gotta …"
"Hank said your lungs sound better, the X-Rays show improvement, and your stats are good, so if you can take a few deep breaths without it, we can extubate you now. You've been sedated for just over 2 days, and Beast is eager to get you up and moving again so you don't develop pneumonia, too."
"Guess that jail break was a dumber idea than ah thought. Tell me Gambit at least got outta here before Logan shish kabob'ed him…
Jean chuckled inside Rogue's mind. "Well, yes and no." She felt Rogue's curiosity and dread tickle her spine from within their astral forms. "Wolverine didn't hurt him, but Gambit IS still here."
Rogue's physical form stirred as she tried to wake. "Ah swear if he's locked Remy up again after all that, ah'll kill him dead."
"You misunderstand, Rogue. Remy is HERE." Jean chuckled again as she projected the current state of the infirmary into the young woman's mind.
In her mind, Rogue could see through Jean's eyes that she was lying in the bed, eyes closed with a large breathing tube snaking out of her mouth. The ventilator was taped to her cheeks, creating a macabre mask of medical equipment. The dark circles under her eyes contrasted sharply with pale skin that looked sallow and sickly.
Belts were fastened over her upper arms, wrists, waist, thighs, and ankles to keep her immobilized. An I.V. was placed carefully in her forearm just above the restraints.
On the left side of her bed, Beast was monitoring her stats as he tapped numbers into his tablet. On the right side, Jean stood at the head of the hospital bed, speaking to Rogue telepathically.
And there, seated in a chair next to Jean, Gambit sat holding Rogue's hand. His thumb drew rhythmic patterns across the back of her hand and knuckles.
A warm, comforting sensation trickled through her skin and veins, and Rogue relaxed further, even though the sight of Gambit sitting so close made her stomach flutter.
"What… Ah dont understand. He didn't leave? Wolverine ain't got him locked up? Why? Why didn't he just leave?" Although their conversation was telepathic in nature, Rogue's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Jean smiled, amused.
"When Gambit saw how bad off you were, he brought you back to the infirmary instead of escaping. He SAYS it's because he didn't want you getting hurt on his behalf, but if you ask ME, I think he's a little taken with you."
Mentally Rogue blanched, but before she could spit out an angry retort, she heard another voice calling to her.
"Rogue, can you hear me?" Dr. McCoy called, rubbing her right arm lightly as Jean severed their telepathic link.
Groggily, but calmly, Rogue opened one eye and blinked a few times. She felt disoriented and dazed, but terror no longer gripped her insides.
The pain had lessened significantly as well, which also helped put her at ease. In fact, she was so 'relaxed' she felt kind of loopy - drunk even.
"Don't try to speak. If you can, I want you to give me a thumbs up."
She felt Remy release her left hand, and the sudden loss of the soothing calm made her eyes prick with tears. Cold rapidly seeped through her blood, making her tremble.
Nonetheless, she pulled her shaking fingers together and lifted her thumb.
Rogue knew her chin was starting to wobble, but she was tired, confused, scared, and hurt. In her vulnerable, drug-addled state, she was feeling more emotional than ever, and knew she was suddenly on the verge of hysterics.
Just as her shoulders started to shake from pent up sobs, she felt the warm comfort spread through her stomach and veins once more as a hand rubbed up and down her left arm. There was a tingle, like a tiny buzz of electricity that accompanied the sensation, and her icy anguish dissipated once more.
Remy.
Though her mind was fuzzy and her body unsteady, she knew almost instinctively that he had something to do with her fluctuating serenity. She didn't question it, however, and simply let the pleasurable heat alleviate her anxiety.
Rogue was so preoccupied by the soothing sensations Remy was invoking, she almost missed Hank's next set of instructions.
"Alright, Rogue, I need you to open your eyes and blink at me, twice. You have to be lucid enough to follow my instructions if you want the tube out."
She complied, although slowly. The southerner wasn't sure if it was the drugs or whatever Remy was doing, but she was definitely back to feeling loopy again.
Next, Hank raised the bed so that Rogue was in a sitting position, and she blinked a few more times to rouse herself.
Embarrassed by her current situation, she refused to meet Remy's eyes and a small blush crept up her cheeks. Thankfully most of the redness was covered by the medical tape keeping the tubes on her face.
Still, the other X-Men seemed to sense her sudden discomfort.
"Perhaps it would be best if you two gave us some privacy?" Hank suggested quietly, giving Jean and Gambit a look. Noting the serious expression on their faces, Gambit hesitated only a moment before nodding and turning to leave.
Rogue blinked, her pseudo-inebriated state making it hard for her to understand what was happening until Remy's hands left her again. Within moments the cold fear settled back in her veins. She tried to stifle it, tried to be strong and push the negative emotions and the pain back down, but it was a losing battle.
As Jean was guiding the Cajun out, the southerner made a choking noise in her throat, momentarily forgetting that she couldn't speak, and her arms jerked under the soft restraints.
The sudden activity from Rogue - who had been so at peace just moments ago - made Jean and Remy pause, and the two turned back to look at the patient.
Before Jean could read Rogue's mind, the southern girl met Remy's eyes imploringly. She didn't want to seem frail, but right now she needed whatever it was he had been giving her. Normally she would grit her teeth and deal with the pain and the cold, but she was physically, mentally, and emotionally overwhelmed.
For the first time, she didn't WANT to be strong - didn't WANT to be alone. She managed to twist her left hand, extending it back toward Gambit before closing her eyes against the few tears that managed to escape.
This time he didn't falter and quickly returned to the chair next to her bed. As he slid his fingers over hers, she sought him out, gripping his hand tightly. Her eyes did not open again, even as she visibly relaxed.
Shocked, Henry McCoy looked between Rogue, Gambit, and Jean as he tried to interpret what was happening. The red head looked just as bewildered as the other X-Man.
"Rogue," the blue furred doctor spoke in a whisper, as if the other two wouldn't hear him. "I take it you don't mind if they stay then?"
Self-conscious, yet sedate, the young woman did not open her eyes, but used her right hand to give the pseudo-physician an awkward thumbs up.
"Alright then…" He met Jean's eyes, communicating telepathically for a moment.
He nodded slightly, then turned and fiddled with a few dials on the ventilator system and listened to Rogue's breathing with his stethoscope.
"It sounds like there's a minor build up - I'll need to suction your lungs, and you may feel a slight tickle. It's normal to need to cough." He handed the telepath a long thin tube. "Jean, will you please use this inside her mouth after I've removed this suction catheter?"
A few minutes later the process was over, and Hank moved on to the final stages.
"We're on the home stretch, Rogue," he smiled. "I'm going to depress the balloon in your throat and check your airway for any edema - swelling. Then you'll take a few deep breaths for me." Hank knelt close to her ear, trying to keep his voice low and even. "At that point I can undo some of these straps before I remove the tube. Do you think you can remember that?"
Again, Rogue slowly raised her right thumb to indicate her comprehension.
After checking her breathing and fiddling with a few more things on the monitors and ventilator machine, Hank turned to address the patient and her companions.
"You're doing marvelously my dear. I'm going to remove these restraints, but it's absolutely imperative that you don't struggle or try to remove the tube. Do you understand?"
Unseen by the other two X-Men, Rogue squeezed Remy's hand tighter. Nevertheless, she gave another thumbs up as Beast worked on the right side and Gambit unlatched the restraints on her left side, before he ran his hand over her forearm again.
"Last step!" Beast smiled widely. "I want you to take two deep breaths and exhale. On the third breath you're going to inhale, then hold your breath as I pull out the tube."
Rogue kept eye contact with Beast throughout his instructions, refusing to look at Gambit even though she held tight to his hand.
The doctor continued. "At that point your laryngeal reflex will make you cough. I want you to try and expel as much fluid as possible. There's a bib and an emesis basin here, and Jean will help with the suction hose immediately after."
Hank placed a large blue hand on her shoulder. "Okay?"
Rogue gave another weak thumbs up.
"Here we go then." He said, motioning to Jean with the suction hose. "One breath, two breaths…"
Rogue complied, filling her aching lungs with as much air as her broken ribs would allow. On the third breath she paused, delaying exhalation and Hank carefully and quickly pulled out the endotracheal tube.
The motion did indeed make her cough and gag, but Remy held the basin while Jean sectioned fluids from her mouth. Thankfully there wasn't much of anything in her stomach, so after a few productive coughs and dry heaves, she laid back against the bed and closed her eyes.
Hank placed a nasal cannula to give her the low dose of oxygen she still required. The small flexible tube tickled her nose as the doctor draped it over her ears.
Her throat was scratchy, dry, and ached so terribly she didn't even dare ask for water.
Thankfully, she didn't have to use words to articulate her needs.
Jean spoke for her. "She says she'd like some water."
Beast turned back around with an eye dropper of water.
"This will help test your swallow reflexes, to see if there are complications from the endotracheal tube. Unfortunately this is all I can give you at the moment. The risk of postextubation dysphagia is extremely high - especially since you're having trouble speaking. If you were to aspirate something the results could be disastrous."
Rogue tipped her chin in a pseudo nod as Beast placed a few drops on her tongue and she tried to swallow. Her face scrunched up as her throat spasmed painfully, making her cough violently.
"Ah yes, as I suspected." Dr. McCoy patted her hand before grabbing the suction tube to clear her mouth of any fluid. "Suffice to say, it looks like you'll be relying on intravenous nutrition for a while yet. We'll do frequent swallow tests and therapies, but it's likely to be a few days before we can get you on a clear fluid diet and a few weeks or more before you're back on solids."
Rogue groaned and immediately winced. Glancing at Remy's hand still holding hers, she turned her eyes to Jean.
The redhead chuckled. "She says if she'd known her jail break was going to end like this she might have left you in there. Especially since you didn't even try to escape." Jean paused, blushing. "Although, her language may have been slightly more colorful."
The southern girl cracked a smile, and Remy chuckled, noting how she refused to make eye contact with him, yet still kept a death grip on his hand.
"Told ya, cherie. Remy's a gentleman. Couldn't leave ya in such a sorry state."
Beast interjected, pulling his glasses a little farther down his nose to fix Rogue with a look of reproach. "I believe it's also worth mentioning that your current condition is more a result of your refusal to adhere to my prescribed protocols than your quest to free Mr. LeBeau. Your journey merely brought your declining condition to light."
"As such," the blue furred doctor continued, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to enforce stricter policies with you. Starting now." Beast looked up at Jean and Gambit. "Jean, will you find Mr. LeBeau an escort and call Ororo down as well? We'll need an hour or two."
The redhead nodded and closed her eyes, sending a telepathic communication. "She and Scott are on their way."
Gambit snorted as Rogue watched him curiously, her hand still locked in his. "Gambit'll take d' Boy Scout over d' Wolverine any day."
"Too late, Gumbo." Wolverine had his arms crossed as he stood in the doorway of the infirmary.
Rogue snickered as she watched Gambit mouth a French curse word.
"Deal's done, Cajun. She's awake. She's breathin'. You're leavin'." He released a claw and pointed Gambit, whose jaw was set in a hard line.
"Wh -" Sitting in the hospital bed, Rogue tried to protest, but another spasm clenched her throat and she could only cough as Beast quickly suctioned her mouth again.
Remy turned to Rogue with a small smile. "S' okay, chere. Remy's nearly healed up now. Gonna do jus' fine. 'Sides, a deal's a deal, an' I promised Wolvie I'd leave as soon as you were outta d' woods." He squeezed her hand, kissing the back of it as she finally met his eyes.
The depth and strength of emotion Rogue conveyed without words hit him like a gut punch. There was a twinge of fear in her emerald pools, but he also felt gratitude, regret, and admiration. Perhaps most astonishing was the warm tingle of affection - feelings of friendship and trust - that she was trying to project towards him as her eyes shone lightly. He may not have told her about his empathic abilities, but it was clear now that she had an inclination of what he could do.
Even without his empathy he knew she was on the verge of tears as he released her hand and reluctantly stood up from the chair at her side.
Logan interrupted his private thoughts. "The Cajun can't stick around anyhow now that we don't have a prison cell for him. We got places t' go and missions t' run. Come on, Gambit, I'll see ya out."
Out in the hall, Cyclops and Storm stood waiting, their faces a mask of disappointment, relief, and gratitude. They may not have LIKED Gambit, but they'd gotten used to him. Not that anyone would ever admit it, but the smart-mouthed southern man had spiced the place up in a way no one would have expected.
Stepping toward the door, Remy could hear Rogue shifting on the bed. He knew through his empathic abilities that she didn't want him to leave. Not just because of the serene comfort he'd imbued her with, but because she felt a sense of kinship with Gambit. He was someone she could talk to, connect with, in a way she couldn't with the other X-Men.
Without him, she felt alone.
~X~
If Gambit was honest with himself, the feeling was mutual - to a point. For the first three days of their forced proximity, she had snapped and snarled at him, but they'd fallen into a sort of witty repartee as they bantered and teased each other. Gambit never took her threats and nasty remarks seriously. Despite how vicious she tried to sound, he knew her words lacked emotional conviction.
In other words, it was all a front. A show she put on to keep others at arm's length.
Over those three days, the Cajun had come to enjoy his time with Rogue. Thinking about it now, he'd actually enjoyed most of his time he'd spent with the X-Men. Throughout his stay - including the additional two days Rogue had been on a ventilator - Gambit had spent a fair amount of time with each of them as they'd taken turns "babysitting" him.
He hadn't gotten much time with Jean - whether it was because she was usually needed elsewhere, or because Scott was trying to limit the Cajun flirt's interactions with her, Gambit wasn't sure. But he knew by the small smiles and stifled chuckles that he was slowly winning her over.
Kitty had probably been the easiest to "win over," however. The younger girl may be college aged, but she definitely had a school girl crush on the Cajun. Kitty had grilled Gambit on all kinds of personal questions - some of which he answered, some of which he had evaded or changed the subject. She'd made Remy (and Rogue) dozens of baked goods, brought 'them' music to listen to (even though Rogue had chastised her teammate, saying "You KNOW ah don't listen t' any of this garbage!"), and had come down several times a day just to check on the two patients.
Bobby Drake had come down several times as well - mostly when the older X-Men were busy elsewhere and he got the short end of the stick. Still, he and Bobby had bonded over their love of horror movies, and they had even played a few video games together while Rogue had watched, sullen and silent as usual.
Scott was typically the sullen and silent type as well - definitely a change from the "Boy Scout" image he used to embody. But even the former team leader had been opening up with Remy over the last few days. Something about Gambit forgoing his own freedom to secure Rogue's safety had partially redeemed the thief in Cyclop's eyes.
Wolverine, however, gave Remy no such slack. Every minute of every day, Logan reminded Gambit that his time in the mansion was limited, that he wasn't trustworthy, and Logan wasn't fooled by this 'nice guy' routine he was playing. Nearly every moment with Wolverine was tricky - fraught with tension and barely restrained aggression, at least from the X-Man.
Gambit enjoyed riling the man whenever and however he could, but he never tried to be malicious or over the top. He simply employed things like calling him "Wolvie" here and there, being extra theatrical with his cards, or asking a lot of personal questions about the Canadian (or any of the girls at the Institute) to irritate the older man. Sometimes just a well-timed smirk from Gambit would be enough to make the X-Man growl. It certainly made all of their dealings more interesting.
He had spent a little bit of time with Forge, discussing the man's latest inventions, and the differences between Cheyenne shamanism and NOLA voodoo. When Rogue was intubated, Remy had asked to accompany Storm as she spoke to Tildy about her favorite X-Man's poor health. Remy had been able to reassure the young girl that Rogue was a fighter and she would 'get back up' from this battle, too. Tildy hadn't been allowed to see Rogue, considering the frightening machinery she'd been hooked up to, but Remy had explained about his lucky Queen of Hearts. He'd produced two matching Queens, giving one to Tildy with a promise to put the other under Rogue's pillow so the little girl could 'talk' to Rogue as she slept. It was a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Storm.
Of all his interactions with the X-Men, he definitely favored his time with Ororo. Storm had all the grace and poise of a trained thief, and he was pretty certain they'd run in a few of the same circles, albeit a few years apart most likely. They had developed what could only be described as a "big sister/little brother" vibe. Gambit had immensely enjoyed teasing and taunting dear old Stormy during his short stay.
He'd found that - despite his very best efforts - he had a difficult time getting a rise out of the weather witch. When a particularly off-color joke made the other X-women (and Scott) blush, Storm had a tendency to just give him a reproachful look or an eye roll. He HAD managed to tempt her ire at least twice, however. In fact, his initial introduction with her awesome temper had occurred on his very first day in the infirmary with Rogue.
Not realizing what the girl had been through, he'd made a particularly suggestive comment that had made Rogue shudder with revulsion, and Ororo had forcibly removed him from the room. When Storm had abruptly shoved him against the wall just out of earshot from the infirmary, he'd ACTED as if the literal lightning flashing in her eyes and the static electricity in the air didn't phase him. In reality, he had definitely been a little nervous. The only other time he'd been chewed out so badly was when he ruined Tante Mattie's gumbo.
The second time he'd managed to rile Stormy up was just two days ago when Rogue had to be intubated for surgery. The woman had become closer to Rogue than any of her other teammates over the last few weeks, and it showed in her motherly concern for the girl. Despite how strong she had been, the constant battle to keep Rogue healthy and strong was wearing thin on the weather witch.
During the briefing about Rogue's deteriorating condition, the X-Men's matriarch had been close to completely losing her composure as Hank had droned on about all the complications, risks, and mortality rates. No one else had noticed Storm's rapidly declining mental state, however - probably thanks to her impressive mental blocks. But Remy was a thief and an empath, and he saw it coming. A comforting hand or a hug would have opened the floodgates, and he knew she was fighting against tears as it was.
So Gambit had done the next logical thing - made a joke.
It had earned him a few dirty looks from the other teammates, but Ororo had straight up slapped him before giving him an earful and storming out. She had, of course, sought him out after the surgery was over to apologize.
By way of explanation for his crass, he'd simply said, "We both know dat anger's a better bedfellow when we got work t' do. She needed y'r moxie, chere, not y'r tears." It was then that Storm realized Gambit's 'joke' had been a Patsy, and that the card throwing thief had been looking out for her as well as Rogue.
Gambit had even managed to console Henry McCoy later that same evening. The blue X-Man was exhausted in every way and blamed himself for not catching Rogue's condition earlier. In the infirmary, while the ventilator breathed for the girl and Hank had thought Remy asleep in the reclined bed nearby, the doctor had whispered soggy apologies to her comatose form.
Without opening his eyes, Remy had spoken up, startling the X-Man.
"Y' know, Gambit's been wonderin'... d'ya think our trip t' de gardens made it worse? After all, 'was Gambit's idea. Mebbe it be my fault she like dis now."
Hank looked up quickly, brushing the dampness from his furry face. "Mr. LeBeau, I had thought you asleep."
Eyes still closed, Remy smiled lightly. "'Fraid dis one's t'oughts keep him up. Te comprends." (You understand)
"Indeed I do," Beast sighed sadly.
"Well?" Remy asked, finally opening his eyes to fix the doctor with a look. "You t'ink mebbe I made it worse? Movin' her around?"
Hank finally stood, shaking his head. "No. I'm sure the additional movement was actually good for her lungs. I should have been pressing her to do more breathing exercises and walking."
"But, didn't you say in d' briefing dat her ribs pressin' on her lungs is what caused the …Atlantis?"
"Atelectasis." Beast corrected. "Yes, I believe it was a contributing factor."
"So dat means by lettin' her go outside - all dat movin' 'round, it made d' problem worse. So it be my fault."
Dark brows quirked, challenging the doctor to argue with him.
"I assure you, you did not cause this, Gambit. Nor could you have known it was already occurring. Even a stethoscope would not have caught this."
"But she was coughin' - in de gardens. I remember she would cough a little here and dere."
Beast's brows furrowed in alarm. "I don't recall her ever hearing her cough. Did I miss it somehow?"
Brownish red hair tossed slightly. "Non, she tried t' hide it 'round all 'o you. She'd wait til you'd leave, then clear her throat or something. She didn't want you t' worry - or run more tests."
Hank chortled as he took a seat against the wall opposite of the beds. "Yes she does have a distaste for all things infirmary."
Remy nodded, a small smile pulling at his lips as he extracted his cards and began shuffling them silently.. "And she DID refuse t' cooperate all d'ose times y' tried t' examine her."
"Indeed. She's been almost as difficult a patient as Logan. But at least he heals quickly.." The doctor smiled lightly, but it did not reach his eyes. He slumped in his chair as he watched Gambit's cards, his posture heralding feelings of defeat and inadequacy.
Remy watched the other man intently as his cards danced through his fingers. He knew how personally Henry was taking his patient's setback. "Never even let on dere might be a problem. Stubborn, n'est ce pas?"
Beast chuckled again, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "To put it mildly."
"So den why you blamin' y'rself, frere? (brother) You jus' explained every reason why it ain't Gambit's fault for dis mess, and how damn pig-headed she's been. Ain't nothin' you could have done different dat would have prevented dis."
Remy's cards suddenly ceased, punctuating his final statement.
"You don't get t' blame y'rself while y'r absolvin' everyone else, 'Enry. Y'r de hero here - y' saved her life in spite of everyt'ing she did t' fight ya."
The fur on Henry's arms bristled as he sat up and opened his mouth to argue. The words did not come, however, and the large man closed his mouth again, smiling and shaking his head. He wagged a finger at Remy. "You, sir, are a dastardly manipulative fellow."
A wide smile split the cajun's face as he chuckled. "Peut-etre (maybe), but I'm also right, oui?"
The doctor answered with a snort. "I believe I see your point, Remy." He yawned, large feline-like teeth glinting from within his wide mouth. "All the alarms and monitors are set. I'm … I'm afraid there is nothing more to be done except wait."
"Den you go get some sleep. Know dere's a cot hidden under d' desk in y'r office down here. Gambit'll be up a while yet. I'll yell if'n dere's a problem."
The X-Man had hesitated only a moment before he had nodded with a small smile on his face as he'd entrusted Remy - a thief and a scoundrel - with the life of his patient.
~X~
Standing in the infirmary, ready to walk out the door and leave Rogue and the X-Men, possibly forever, Remy was struck with realization. Each and every one of these people had begun calling him by his first name - well, everyone but Logan and Nightcrawler. Somehow over the short week, he'd developed a sort of camaraderie with most of the team that he hadn't felt since leaving the guild and his family.
Despite their initial misgivings, the X-Men had begun to trust Gambit.
And, if he was truly honest with himself, he didn't WANT to leave.
Remy wiped all emotion from his face as he looked to each of them - Beast, Jean, Cyclops, Storm, Wolverine - and he set his jaw in a stubborn, serious line.
"D'en take me wit' you."
Wolverine narrowed his eyes at the cajun. "What?" The leader growled low, not quite believing what he was hearing.
"You have missions and places t' go? D'en take dis one along."
"Why? So you can scout out your next take? Or so you can stab us in the back while our guard's down?" Wolverine snarled, his claws extending slightly.
"So I can help. Fight wit' you." He paused, steeling his resolve.
"Let me be an X-Man."
Jean gasped lightly, Beast nearly dropped his stethoscope and Cyclops folded his arms pensively. Only Storm smiled lightly, her perceptive blue eyes seeing what the others could not.
Claws fully extended with an angry "Snickt" as Wolverine clenched his fists.
"Not over my dead…"
The X-Man was cut off by a wild flickering of lights as the power suddenly faded and surged again.
"Quoi?" Remy looked around, bewildered, while the rest of the X-Men positively thrummed with anxiety and excitement.
"The Professor!" Jean exclaimed.
Thoroughly confused, Remy looked at each of the X-Men, who cast nervous glances to each other.
Finally, Wolverine pointed a single claw at Gambit, then the chair next to Rogue. "You stay right there until I get back. Then you're outta here. Beast …?"
"You all go on without me. I need to stay and monitor Rogue closely for the time being. Please give my regards to the Professor."
Remy shrugged and sat in the chair, a smile on his face, but darkness in his eyes. He took Rogue's hand again, kissing the back of it as his thumb resumed drawing soothing patterns across her skin.
~X~X~X~
"Dammit, Chuck, it's about time! It's been almost a month since we last heard from you." Logan railed, his arms folded as he glared at Xavier's large ethereal head as it floated over his comatose body.
The remaining X-Men had gathered in the large round room used to house Xavier's physical form - their only link to the Professor and the future they were working so hard to prevent. For the first time in days, even Nightcrawler made an appearance. He'd been making himself scarce while Gambit was around - unable to forgive the Cajun for his transgressions on Genosha.
Logan continued, barely restrained fury and sorrow squeezing his voice.
"We've been dealing with…" His eyes darted to the two youngest members of the team. "Some pretty heavy stuff here."
Xavier's aged and weathered face nodded grimly as he closed his eyes. "I know my friend. I learned of your current tragedies only recently, thanks to the copious, detailed notes Beast had saved and backed up. Unfortunately, 20 days ago, Apocalypse sent his horsemen to attack the mansion. Cerebro was completely destroyed and the survivors have been on the run."
"That's when Rogue was attacked!" Kitty exclaimed.
Confusion marred the faces of the young team of X-Men. Cyclops spoke first as Jean held his hand tightly.
"Professor, if Cerebro was broken, how are you communicating with us now? I thought you could only astral project on this kind of scale when you had Cerebro?"
"Correct. Something shifted in the timeline just now. Bishop has sent agents out to confirm our suspicions, but we believe the Horseman that attacked the school has changed. It is my belief that Death has found a new host." Xavier explained carefully. He did not want to divulge too much information, but was also eager to get to the bottom of the mystery and make a positive difference for the bleak future.
"Has anything major occurred in your time within the last few minutes?"
"Rogue's awake and off the ventilator," Wolverine replied, crossing his arms and refusing to acknowledge another possibility.
Storm and Jean exchanged glances as they stared at the team leader.
"Wolverine…" the weather witch warned.
"Forget it, Storm," the man growled. "It ain't happenin'."
Inside the room, the lights suddenly flickered as Xavier's face disappeared. After a few moments of silence the X-Men grew nervous.
"Logan," Jean started, "if Gambit is the reason the future is changing"
"Vhat about Gambit?!" Kurt suddenly snarled from the back.
Before an explanation could be given, The Professor's face reappeared. The projection was grainy and cutting in and out rapidly.
"Wolverine!" Xavier demanded. "Quickly! I don't have much time! Things are still shifting here as we speak!"
Begrudgingly, Wolverine uncrossed his arms, putting his hands on his hips instead. "Gambit's been here about a week now. He asked to join the X-Men just a few minutes ago."
"VHAT?!" Nightcrawler exclaimed, his fangs visible through his snarl.
Xavier forged ahead, ignoring the sudden outburst. "Then he may be the variable we've been missing from this equation. The most recent of Beast's records indicated that Gambit was treated for injuries sustained while battling Magneto, but they only appeared AFTER the initial timeline changed. Those records did not exist five days ago, which tells me that Gambit's presence IS responsible for the sudden shift."
Standing at Jean's side, Cyclop's expression had not changed as he listened stoically. The former leader finally spoke, his concern mounting. "Professor Xavier, if Gambit's being here is changing things in the future, how do we know that isn't a BAD thing?"
Xavier's face shifted out of focus for a moment, but when the image returned, the X-Men could see the weariness in his eyes. "Because the most recent shift - which occurred mere minutes ago - reversed all the damage done by Apocalypse's horseman, Death." He paused, his face grim. "All those who were lost were restored…"
"Including myself."
Gasps of disbelief were heard around the room.
"Mein Gott…"
"No!"
"How?!"
Wolverine growled low, his claws extending subconsciously. "Sounds like we ain't got much of a choice then."
"Professor," Jean asked, clinging tight to Scott's arm. "Why would Gambit joining the X-Men stop Death from harming you and the other future X-Men? Unless…" the redhead paused, considering the possibilities. "Unless HE is the one that becomes Death?"
An old, wizened face filled with sorrow and grief smiled gently. Grainy gray eyes held secrets and truths unbeknownst to most of those in the room.
"I'm afraid not. I cannot speak more of it now, but please trust me when I say it is VITAL to the future - particularly mine - that Gambit joins the team. I know you have your reservations and misgivings, but please do your best to be welcoming. I believe that as long as he stays with the X-Men, there is hope to undo at least SOME of this future Apocalypse."
Smiling kindly, he looked around the room at his many X-Men. "Do not give up the fight. I've learned that Nathaniel Essex - Sinister - has a role to play in releasing Apocalypse and converting his horsemen. Unfortunately it is our best lead at the moment. I must speak privately with Logan, now. And Jean? Please fetch Gambit. I would like to speak to him in person - so to speak."
Wolverine growled again as the others trudged out the door slowly and Jean nodded.
"You sure that's the best idea, Chuck? What if the Cajun decides to turn tail and rats you out? Wouldn't take much for him t' sell a secret this big t' the highest bidder."
"I'm sure my friend." Xavier waited a moment until the automatic doors swished closed behind the others. "You see, Beast's journals - in every iteration - make one thing perfectly clear. Rogue's attack set off a chain of events that seem to snowball almost irreparably - until Gambit came along. In every version of the future thus far, Rogue leaves the X-Men, disappears, and returns some time later…"
"As Death."
Xavier trailed off, closing his eyes against the moisture gathering there as Wolverine's knees buckled. He managed to keep his balance, staggering forward before bracing his hands on his thighs.
"Charles…" he pleaded. "It can't - she wouldn't…"
"I do not know any specifics. I only know what I have read from Beast's journals in the last few days since I was 'resurrected,' so to speak. But I'm afraid it's true. In the first version of the journals, Rogue was not initially found in the warehouse by the X-Men, but by Apocalypse's minions. Mystique's intervention came at precisely the right moment to save Rogue, though I have yet to discover her motivations."
"But that wasn't enough." Wolverine grumbled. His back and shoulders were hunched, his arms hanging loosely at his sides as he kept his eyes on the ground. "She's still…"
"I know, my friend. And I know how you feel. But despite how you may feel now - or in the future - it is NOT your fault. Vicious men need no reason for cruelty. They only seek to do harm wherever and however they can."
"Will she ever…?" Logan trailed off, the guilt and sorrow eating at his soul.
"As far as I can tell, Beast never found a cure for her current condition. Powers or not, however, if she leaves the X-Men, she will reclaim them once she becomes Death."
Xavier closed his eyes, drawing Wolverine into the mental image of his most recent encounter with the girl once known as Rogue.
~X~
Seated in the Cerebro room with Bishop at his side, Charles Xavier frantically attempted to connect with his X-Men 20 years in the past. A hard bound physical copy labeled as "X-Men Medical Journal: Rogue, #1" lay open on the table next to him. The telepath's hand shook as he turned dials and typed in data. He'd been horrified by what he'd read; had fought back waves of nausea at Beast's detailed description of what they'd learned had happened to the girl and her resulting injuries. Rogue had disappeared, only to return as an agent of Apocalypse. Somehow she had telepathically forced the images of her ordeal into the X-Men's minds before attacking - draining and killing both Kitty and Bobby in the process. Xavier's only concern now was to stop this future from occurring by preventing Rogue's attack.
An explosion rocked the mansion from above as the Professor was thrown off his feet, disconnecting Cerebro. As he moved to replace the device on his head, however, the motherboard suddenly sputtered and sparks cascaded out of the machine while it hissed and buzzed.
Before the two men could speak, a head with hair as dark as midnight slowly floated up out of the middle of the machine. As the body of the figure emerged - a woman: tall, slender, but muscular - looked up at them with dull gray eyes, white streaks of hair framing the sharp lines of her face.
The woman's skin was ghostly white and tinged with an almost lavender glow. Long, white streaked bangs accentuated her midnight black curls that cascaded over her shoulders in wild waves down her back. She wore a black halter style top that ended just below her breasts and did nothing to cover her arms or shoulders. A floor length black hooded cape with green lining connected to the thin straps of the bodice as well two wristlets she wore. An impossibly tight leather mini skirt showed off her porcelain white skin and a dark green belt accentuated her taut stomach. Scars and healed burns dotted the otherwise flawless skin that was visible along her stomach and above her black leather thigh-high boots.
"Hmm," she tilted her head as she looked between Professor Xavier and Bishop, smirking. "Ah heard y'all were havin' a little party, so ah thought ah'd invite m'self in. Too bad none of the others had any sense of southern hospitality."
She lifted her hands, palms up, as a fireball appeared in one and a bone knife in the other.
"Rogue!?" Xavier gasped as he looked over her black and green robes and dark hair. "Oh my dear girl, what have they done to you?"
"Ain't been called that in a long time," she purred. "Ah go by Reaper now. Or Death. Your choice."
"Xavier, get back!" Bishop shouted, pulling the professor behind him and aiming his gun at Reaper. "She's got their powers!"
"No, sto - !" Before the Professor could protest, the larger man had fired, blasting a hole into Cerebro's mainframe as the shot went straight through the Horseman.
Reaper phased through the smoldering circuit board, a devious grin playing at her full red lips.
Xavier touched a hand to his temple, but the former X-Man simply shook her head as if trying to shoo a fly.
"Sorry sugah, mah head's too crowded even for the likes a you. 'Sides, ah've absorbed so many telepaths you couldn't break in even with Cerebro. That is, IF ah hadn't already phased it into oblivion. Good luck contacting WOLVERINE now…"
Xavier's face fell as tears pricked his eyes. The mental images conjured in his mind by Beast's notes on Rogue's attack were still fresh, and the realization of what she had endured squeezed at his heart.
"Oh Rogue… I'm so sorry."
Angry eyes flashed violet, then red as she shot a laser beam at Xavier. Bishop had anticipated the attack, however, and let the power of the blast hit him instead. He was knocked backward into the far wall near the door, leaving a large imprint in the steel.
Rogue extended a hand and a wall of ice encapsulated the large man.
"Ah know your powers, Bishop. So be a good boy and sit tight while ah finish what ah came t' do."
"Rogue," Xavier began again, standing and putting both hands on his temples. "You don't have to be a slave to Apocalypse. Let me help you."
"Like y'all helped me back then?!" She screamed, her eyes now blazing in synchronization with her fists. "When they left me t' die in that hell hole?!"
Although Wolverine could not see it, Rogue had allowed Xavier to see glimpses of that event, forever burned as they were in her brain and accentuated with all the fear and hatred born of Apocalypse's influence.
"Where was your help then, CHARLES?" Rogue, the former X-Man, now the Horseman known as Death, spat at him as she closed in, her bare hand reaching for his neck.
Before she could touch him, Laura - better known as X-23 - screamed, leaping over Xavier's head in an airborne somersault as her claws slashed at Rogue.
Reaper responded with lightning reflexes, catching the younger woman by the throat in midair.
Undeterred, X-23 slashed out, her claws catching Reaper across the face. A green hued forcefield quickly encapsulated the future X-Man, however, immobilizing her claws. As Reaper - Rogue - turned back, the wounds across her face were already closing, leaving behind only small rivulets of quickly drying blood.
"Mmmm, DELICIOUS powers you've got there, darlin'. They'll be a nice addition t' mah … COLLECTION."
Suddenly, Laura's body went rigid as Reaper forcibly sucked the girl dry, the body shriveling as black veins ran up and down every inch of X-23's visible skin. Without warning, Death snapped the girl's neck with one hand, dropping her husk of a corpse at Xavier's feet.
An explosion of ice peppered Reaper and Xavier as Bishop finally broke free, firing multiple rounds at the Horseman. In a puff of blue smoke, she disappeared momentarily, only to reappear with her legs wrapped around Bishop's torso, her bare arms draped over his neck as she surprised him with a passionate kiss.
The large man pushed her by the shoulders, trying to deny the poisonous vampire her next meal. But her strength was incredible, and he quickly succumbed to her powers, collapsing in a heap as she hovered above him, floating. He was still breathing, but only just, as Rogue wiped her mouth and turned her glowing red eyes back on Xavier.
"Can't wait t' get this one back home. With all the powers ah've acquired, ah can have fun with him for WEEKS." She licked her lips lecherously, arching her back as she rolled her neck sensuously. "Pity Apocalypse said ah can't taste YOUR power, Profess'r. Ah'll bet y'r a helluva good time."
Reaper looked him up and down, drinking him in as the red energy of Cyclop's optic beams faded to reveal lavender eyes. "How's about one little kiss f'r old time's sake? After all, YOU ain't gonna be around t' tell him."
Using the green telekinetic energy stolen from Hellion, she dragged Xavier forward, grasping him around the shirt collar as she sneered hungrily. "Say g'night, PROFESSOR…"
As her luscious red lips hungrily devoured him, the mental projection turned dark, leaving Xavier and Wolverine standing in the empty white space of the astral plane.
~X~
Xavier spoke, his voice harrowed and gravelly. "I awoke five days ago, presumably at the same moment Gambit was brought back to the mansion in your time. That event altered my timeline just enough that Bishop, Laura, myself, and a few others escaped, although Reaper DID destroy the mansion and Cerebro, and still absorbed several of the X-Men there - including you."
Wolverine stood in front of Charles on the astral plane, his eyes misty and his fists balled at his sides. "I… Jesus. How do we stop this Chuck? I can't - I can't let this happen t' her, too. I already failed her once." The team leader was pacing back and forth across the astral plane as blood began trickling from his fingers.
"When Gambit asked to join the X-Men, everything shifted in the most pronounced way." Xavier encouraged him. "Cerebro and the mainframe were never damaged, and all those who fell to Reaper's powers were restored. It was almost as if she never became a Horseman at all. I think the best way we can prevent this future from occurring is by encouraging both Rogue AND Gambit to stay with the X-Men as long as possible."
He paused, his eyes closing a moment. "Speaking of whom, Mr. LeBeau is here. I'd like to speak to him privately, please, Logan. And please don't mention what I've shown you to the others - especially Rogue. I know she's very fragile right now, so whatever she needs to feel more at ease should probably be enforced judiciously."
Wolverine nodded as Xavier cut their private connection and he stood in the circular 'stasis' room once again. Gambit was now standing beside him with Jean, staring in shock at the Professor's giant floating head.
Logan chuckled at the young man's shock. "Charles, meet Gambit. Gambit, Professor Charles Xavier."
"The Professor has been communicating with us from the future," Jean explained, smiling lightly. "After the … accident last year, he's been stuck in a coma in our time. But he still found a way to help the X-Men change the world for the better."
"Hello, Gambit," the Professor greeted him kindly. "I've heard many things about you."
"Mais oui. Hope not ALL of it bad, n'est ce pas?" Gambit tipped an imaginary hat in way of a formal greeting. "S' an honor t' meet d' famous Charles Xavier. Gambit has heard many things about you, as well, m'sieur. T'ough it seems many of dem be GREATLY exaggerated."
Xavier chuckled lightly. "I understand you've asked to join the X-Men, Mr. LeBeau?"
At this, Gambit straightened slightly and nodded curtly. "Dat IS what I said, ain't it?" He almost seemed to be trying to convince himself, unsure if it was truly what he wanted.
"Then I hope you don't mind if we have a private 'interview' so to speak. I'd like to discuss a few things with you first."
Hesitating only a moment, Gambit nodded. "Bien sur." (of course)
With a nod to Jean and Logan, the two X-Men left the room, the automatic doors swishing shut behind them as Gambit watched, wondering if he should be leaving the mansion instead.
~X~X~X~
Nearly half an hour later, Gambit emerged from the room and entered the hallway where Logan stood leaning against the wall, his arms folded impatiently.
The slight frown on the young man's face was immediately replaced with a knowing grin as he encountered Wolverine.
"Well, mon frere. Suppose it's official den?" Gambit extended his hand to Wolverine without hesitation.
Wolverine sneered, but grasped the cajun's in his own, shaking it. "Suppose so. Welcome to the X-Men, Gambit." The smallest of smiles tugged at Logan's mouth. "I'll give you the 'official' tour as soon as I finish up with Charles."
Gambit nodded, his smile fading to seriousness. "He told dis one 'bout Rogue - what happens in d' future. Said he couldn't tell me everyt'ing he showed you, but Gambit knows what happens if'n she leaves d' X-Men. You and I may never be friends, Wolverine, but I promise if I can keep dat from happenin' t' her, I will."
"Good t' know, Cajun." Wolverine slapped Gambit on the shoulder as he reentered the room where the Professor was waiting. "I may not be GLAD you're here, but I'm grateful to ya for that, at least."
Gambit nodded, watching the older man leave to discuss things with Xavier. The Professor gave Gambit his word that he wouldn't divulge the things he knew of the thief's past - including very recent transgressions - but the anxiety was still there.
Xavier had learned many things about Gambit's past in the last 5 days (plus 20 years in the future), including his former employers, a few of his bigger heists, and his current… predicament. Xavier had been firm, yet compassionate as Gambit briefly explained his reasons. The Professor didn't care about a past that could no longer be changed, but the future which could.
Then Xavier had explained that in the future, Rogue becomes a Horseman of Apocalypse unless Gambit and the X-Men are able to prevent her from leaving the team. He'd showed the thief just a moment's glimpse of 'Reaper', and it was enough to make Gambit's stomach curdle.
Part of him wanted to tell Xavier right then about Rogue's secret - the details about her attack she'd been hiding from the X-Men. But he'd given her his word, and he wouldn't break it. Not this time.
Speaking to Xavier about all the things he'd done, and all the red in his ledger, Gambit knew Rogue was his first step toward making amends. She and the X-Men could be his salvation - if he could still be saved.
Remy had his doubts, yet Charles Xavier, who already knew some of his worst misdeeds, seemed to think Gambit was worthy of another chance to do things 'right.'
And God help him, but he was going to start with Rogue.
There wasn't a whole lot he could do for her physically or mentally, but he understood her isolation and despair better than anyone else. Remy knew she needed someone to talk to, but she wouldn't trust any of her teammates with the truth. So if it would prevent the sordid future where she gleefully sucked out people's souls for Apocalypse, he would take up that mantle. He would be her friend and her confidant, and push her to move beyond her traumatic experience.
And most importantly, Remy was not going to let Rogue give up - on the X-Men or herself. Even if she never regained her powers, Gambit wouldn't let the bastards that hurt her, break her. He would be there to push her every step of the way. Body, mind, and spirit, he would ensure she kept fighting to get back what she had lost.
It was a promise he made now, to himself; and, he swore silently as he headed back to the infirmary, this promise would be strong as steel. ***
~X~X~X~X~X~
***Ruby Lis wrote TWO of my very favorite stories of all time, 'End of Innocence' and 'Scars.' End of Innocence loosely inspired this fanfiction. There is a line in one of her stories, "Sometimes promises are as strong as steel," that has always stuck with me. I had to include this line as an homage to those amazing fanfictions, which I actually printed out decades ago and turned into pseudo-books because I loved them so much (with permission of course).
Theoretically, this story could end here. I've considered ending it here. I may still do so, then post the second half of it as a sequel. However, I feel like leaving loose ends (pertaining to certain dastardly characters) would be …unjust.
This is about the half-way mark of the story. I hope you've enjoyed it thus far. I plan to find homes for the other, more detailed (graphic), versions of this story on other outlets.
~X~X~X~X~X~
P.S. It is 3:00 A.M. Right now. Where I'm sitting at my kitchen table, wondering WHY I am still awake when I have to get up early to get kids ready and off to school and clean my house for a big meeting here tomorrow evening. Apparently Fanfiction has overtaken my better judgement and priorities.
I wanted to give my readers something decent to hold tight to until I can post the next chapter/s. I've got them (mostly) down on paper, but I haven't typed them yet. It doesn't help I have to read everything 6 times to try and make the writing and grammar JUST right. So. Many. Edits.
I hope you enjoy this! Please read and review for me!