Izuku fiddled with his new gloves. They were the exact same as his old pair, same as his suit, but the material was stiff. New. It felt like an aching reminder of what happened to his old one. He remembered how he felt the first time he put the suit on and compared it to now. Strange how two similar moments could feel so different.
He looked up as the buzzer sounded, heart hammering in his chest.
"You ok, Izuku?" Mina asked in a low murmur that the cameras wouldn't pick up.
Izuku looked at the course before them. A maze of pipes and metal structures. "I'm stronger now," he said, drawing his hands into fists. "What happened last time won't happen again."
"Someone's confident," Jirou teased to his left. "Bakugo's rubbing off on you." Izuku pulled out his staff and extended it.
Bakugo.
They'd barely talked since that day with Mirko. Training was awkward and tense, usually ending in a fight when Bakugo asked again what was wrong. Every time Izuku thought to tell him, the words jammed in his throat as Dabi appeared. The arguing would escalate to shouting and one of them leaving in frustration.
It was the same with Aizawa and Shinsou, even Mrs. Ito. Every time Izuku worked up the courage to tell one of them, Dabi would appear and Izuku would remember the heat of those flames as they wrapped around him and the terror that coursed through his blood that sent him into a cold sweat and he would turn away.
If Dabi hurt them because he dragged them into the fight. . .
Izuku couldn't stomach the thought.
Then there was Eri and Yuri. He had to protect them, too.
It didn't matter how many times he saw Dabi, he didn't remember anything new. So, it seemed silly to worry Aizawa or Mrs. Ito with pointless bad dreams and an overactive imagination.
"We should start plan A," Mina said.
"They split up," Jirou said, crouched to the ground. "Two are headed directly to us. Another is coming in from the right and one to the left."
"So, they're trying to surround us," Todoroki surmised. "Midoriya, are they close enough for your quirk?"
Izuku stared hard at the ground as he talked. "Getting there," Izuku bit out, shivering as Todoroki dropped the temperature.
"There's so much pressure in going first," Mina whined, following behind Izuku as he tracked the
thoughts down.
"Radio silent," Izuku said as the other team's thoughts became cohesive and clear.
His teammates nodded, fanning out across the open area.
Izuku ducked under a pair of horns, knocking them away on the counterattack with his staff. He gritted his teeth as they stayed hidden.
They're over in the pipes to the left, Izuku sent to Mina.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are," Mina sang as she dragged her hand along the side of a tower. The acid ate away at the metal till the structure crumbled and collapsed, toppling into the pipes.
Izuku took a few steps back as the other students shouted, their hiding place destroyed. Scales buried into the ground where he once stood. He smirked at the frustration rolling out of the dark. Tired of them hiding, Izuku ran towards the shadows.
"If you think the dark will protect you, you're mistaken," he said, moving out of the way for another set of horns. He caught sight of her, stalling her attacks. An arm came flying at him from the right. Izuku leaned back, watching as the person stumbled through the momentum.
"Not going to stop me?" he asked as Izuku blocked and dodged his attacks.
Izuku considered it as he leaned out of the way of another punch. But potentially having to twist memories, even on a surface level, made his stomach lurch. "It would be nice if you stopped shooting scales for a second," Izuku said, pressing the command into his mind.
As the other boy considered the thought, Izuku landed a solid kick to his abdomen, sending him flying off the catwalk. Izuku jumped to the ground after grabbing Pony.
I'll take her to jail, Mina said, taking Pony from his arms.
Izuku looked back at the boy he'd been fighting, now wheezing on the ground where he'd landed, and to the shadows where Tetsutetsu was waiting for an opening to attack. The other one was still hiding nearby.
It should be clear, Izuku replied, giving her a nod. Think hard if you need help. Mina grinned, skating back on acid. You got it!
Izuku spun around as Tetsutetsu shot towards them, intent on saving his teammate. As he drew his hand back for a punch, Izuku threw a net bomb. It wrapped around his legs and arms. Izuku focused his attention on the other boy shooting scales at him again.
Midoriya, back up.
Izuku jumped back out of range of the sound waves Jirou shot. The other boy stumbled back,
clutching his head till he crumbled.
Todoroki shot a pillar of ice at a pipe suddenly made large and toppling toward them. The ice cracked under the weight.
You see them? Jirou asked, backing up against him as more pipes and chunks of buildings grew and fell around them.
Izuku reached over and grabbed Todoroki as dust filled the air from the debris falling. He tightened the mask to his face, ignoring the way it made his heart stammer. Not yet, Izuku replied. Stay close to me.
He cursed under his breath as the net he'd used on Tetsutetsu was tossed at him. I'll handle him, Todoroki said, setting a hand on Izuku's shoulder.
Izuku shrugged him off and forced a nod. He didn't like the idea of Todoroki using his quirk and had been trying to avoid including him in the fight. So far, it'd been working, but as the dust thickened, Izuku began to worry.
Jirou pressed closer to him, face tucked into her elbow. I can use my sound waves to knock back the dust.
Izuku searched the haze for the three Class B students. Time was running out. Do it. He slapped his hands over his ears as Jirou used her heartbeat to clear the air and reveal their opponents. Before Izuku could use his quirk, Todoroki threw a wave of fire at the three students, separating them.
Izuku choked on the fear that rushed through his body, fighting against it. He forced a breath in and pressed a thought into the three students left. The order held without too much convincing. He happily dropped it in and left their thoughts.
Let's get them to the jail before the time runs out, Izuku said, wiping the sweat from his brow.
Izuku massaged the bridge of his nose as they exited the course declared the winners. He wished he could be happy about it.
"Midoriya, I would like to speak with you for a moment."
Izuku froze, breath stolen from his lungs. He could feel the heat from the flames surrounding Endeavor's body. Even as Izuku stared at the ground between them, his presence was stifling. Izuku forced himself to look up at the hero, biting back the surge of terror that made him stumble back.
Hide it.
One breath. Then another.
"H-How can I help you?" Izuku was proud that his voice sounded vaguely normal. If anyone noticed a difference it could be blamed on the fighting he'd just done. Still, he shrunk back under Endeavor's stern gaze, tightening his hands into fists to hide the way he was trembling.
Endeavor's eyes shifted to Izuku's left. "Shoto," he greeted and Izuku took the reprieve from his gaze to take another step back, skin crawling from the heat of his flames.
"Endeavor," Todoroki muttered, coming to stand beside Izuku. "What are you doing here?"
Izuku took a step to the side, focusing on breathing even if it was shallow. He moved his hands to the small of his back and forced himself up straight, fighting off the urge to cower and run.
Endeavor's face pinched at his son's tone. "I had some business here," he said simply, crossing his arms. "I also wanted to speak with Midoriya."
Izuku jumped hearing his name and covered it with a nervous laugh. "Ask away." He gulped, legs tensing to run as Endeavor stared down at him. Izuku didn't need his quirk to know Endeavor wanted to talk about the fire.
"I was disappointed when you did not accept my internship offer," Endeavor began. "However, it seems Mirko had been teaching you well."
Izuku swallowed hard, pushing the fear to the back of his mind. "I was. . .honored that you considered me for an internship," Izuku said, catching the way Todoroki's eyes cut to him from his peripheral. "But, yes, I have learned a lot from Mirko. She is a great mentor."
Endeavor made a hum of thought, casting a look around at the other students gathered in groups to prepare for their fights. "I hope that you consider working for my agency after you graduate. In fact, I wanted to invite you to our home to have dinner next week."
Izuku looked up at him, mouth opening to say something, but as he met Endeavor's eyes, the words died. He swallowed hard and tried again. "That is very kind of you." Izuku bit back the bile in his throat. "It would be an honor."
"Wonderful," Endeavor said, looking genuinely pleased, but Izuku saw how Todoroki drew into himself. "I would like to talk to you about the fire you recently aided in if you are willing."
Could he even deny the #1 Hero? Izuku was pretty sure he couldn't, even as his stomach rolled at the thought of being alone with him. "What would you like to know?"
Endeavor glanced around, brow furrowing slightly. "I would like to speak in a more private area. Shoto, you come too."
Izuku fell back by a few steps as he struggled to get his legs to work, drawing in slow breaths, and wished that thinking of Bakugo didn't bring more turmoil.
When the door to the classroom shut behind Izuku, terror split through him again. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands, struggling to ground himself. "What do you want to know?" he asked again, wanting to get the conversation over with as fast as possible.
Endeavor stared at Izuku for a moment, frown heavy as he said, "I am aware that Dabi was the cause of the fire and that you had a confrontation with him." His eyes shifted to the side of Izuku's head where the hair was still thin and the skin of his ear warped.
"How do you know about that?" Izuku nearly wheezed, struggling to keep air in his lungs long enough for it to be useful.
"I have a vested interest in the investigation," Endeavor said, squaring his shoulders. "It's imperative that if you remember anything—"
"I don't," Izuku cut off, not caring if it was rude. "I've been trying, but I still don't remember anything more than what I told the police."
Todoroki shifted to stand between Izuku and Endeavor. "We should return to class." Izuku stared at his back, shoulders drawn and tense.
"Anything at all, Midoriya," Endeavor said, dragging his eyes away from Todoroki's, "could be important to the case. Dabi is a dangerous villain."
Izuku noticed the way Todoroki shifted back at the mention of Dabi. He was distracted by it and didn't notice the way Endeavor had reached towards him to clasp his shoulder. Izuku flinched, managing to shove back the rest of the panic that action spurred. He stared at Endeavor's hand on his shoulder, the flames from his suit pressing in with stifling heat. Izuku forced himself to be still, ignoring every instinct to run, or hide, or fight back.
It was irrational, Izuku told himself. Endeavor wouldn't hurt him, so then why did he feel like he was waiting to be struck? Endeavor didn't even look like that old man, yet the feeling was so similar. The terror and fear, wanting to run and hide, to tuck himself under the bed with his back to the wall.
"We want to get him behind bars as soon as possible," Endeavor continued, fingers pressing into Izuku with urgency. "You did well in the training exercise. Shoto would be wise to make friends with you."
Izuku glanced at Todoroki as Endeavor stepped back from him, a breath filtering into his lungs as the hand was lifted off his shoulder. Todoroki stared hard at the ground; his brow drawn tight and pinched with frustration.
"You should leave," Todoroki said, looking back up at his father. "If you're done questioning Midoriya, as the police have already done, you should go."
Izuku stepped back, feeling a wave of animosity radiating from the two.
"I am needed back at the agency anyway," Endeavor said, stepping around Izuku to leave. Izuku turned with him so that he was always in sight, stepping back so that he could see Todoroki too. Endeavor paused at the door, glancing over his shoulder at Izuku. "I look forward to meeting with you again, Midoriya."
Izuku relaxed slightly when the door closed, and the heat of the fires receded completely. But he still felt tense, struggling to make sense of what he was feeling.
"I'm sorry about him," Todoroki muttered, stepping towards the door. He hesitated, glancing up at Izuku as he stared at the floor. "Have. . .I done something to upset you, Midoriya?"
"No," Izuku said without thinking about it. It was true he supposed. Todoroki hadn't done anything. "Why would you think that?" Izuku asked slowly, almost regretting it.
Todoroki turned to him, shifting nervously. "It seems like you are avoiding me. You won't look at me either. I'm sorry if I have offended you in some way."
Izuku blinked at the ground between them, his insides burning with shame. He forced himself to look up and meet Todoroki's eyes. He opened his mouth to explain himself, but the truth was lost to him. Izuku had no idea why the sight of Todoroki's two-toned hair brought back so much sorrow and familiarity. "It's your fire," Izuku lied, heaving a breath out. "It's—It's the fire."
"My quirk?" Todoroki mumbled, shifting his gaze away. "I see. I apologize."
"Don't be," Izuku said, hating that he was lying and hating even more that Todoroki looked ashamed. "I'm really the one who should be sorry. I should've mentioned something to you."
"I will be more considerate in the future," Todoroki said. "We should return to class."
Izuku nodded, following him out the door. He drew up short when he saw Bakugo standing in the hall, Izuku felt his lungs draw tight again just looking at him.
Todoroki glanced between them, seeming to debate with himself for a second before leaving. Left alone with Bakugo, Izuku glanced around the hall, a different ache festering in his chest. He just wanted the stars back. . .
That feeling where everything was right between them for just a few moments. Maybe it was just the seclusion the island had provided, away from the mess that surrounded their lives and the past that, for once, didn't seem to matter.
"What was that?" Bakugo asked, drawing Izuku out of his thoughts. "Why were you holding back?"
"I wasn't."
Bakugo let out a stiff breath that hissed through his clenched teeth. "The hell you weren't, Deku."
Izuku shifted back half a step, heart dropping in off rhythm beats. "I'm trying not to rely on my quirk too much." As Izuku's chest felt like it might cave in from the pressure, he remembered how much he'd lied as a child, how easy it had been, and wondered when that had changed.
"That's going to get you killed," Bakugo said, the words coming out rushed as he took a step towards Izuku. "Why don't you want to use your quirk?"
"I'm trying to get stronger," Izuku said. At least that was true. He sucked in a breath, trying to gather courage. "I have to get stronger."
Bakugo stormed towards him, closing the distance before Izuku could back away. "Why?" he asked, chest rising with heated breath. "Why do you need to get stronger?"
"Because I almost died!" Izuku yelled, some of the turmoil tangled up in his gut escaping.
"You think not using your quirk in a fight will do that?" Bakugo scoffed, hand flinching at his side like he meant to reach towards Izuku but thought better of it. "That makes no fucking sense!"
Izuku bit the inside of his lip, shame heating his cheeks.
"You survived because you used your quirk on him," Bakugo continued, taking another step towards Izuku, this one hesitant. "So why aren't you using it now?"
Izuku couldn't stomach the thought of twisting memories or thoughts, but he didn't know how to explain that to Bakugo. He could hardly explain it to himself. But Izuku hated the distance that had formed between them, knowing that it was his fault because Bakugo was so clearly trying, and he had shoved him away.
Just the memory of that day in the gym shocked a breath out of Izuku and he felt his resolve wither. He was tired. In a way that reached deeper than his bones.
"Deku. . ." Bakugo urged, desperately.
Izuku drew in a breath, tentatively raising his eyes to look at Bakugo. He pressed his lips together as he saw blue flames and shut his eyes. "I'm scared," Izuku forced out before the fear could close up his throat completely.
He let out a shuttered breath as he felt Bakugo's fingertips press against his shoulders with uncertainty. Even with the gloves, Izuku could feel the heat of Bakugo's hands soaking through the
layers of his suit. Slowly, his hands pressed into Izuku completely and drew him closer.
"I'm scared," Izuku said again because nothing else made sense and his frustration bubbled. He dropped his head on Bakugo's shoulder, breathing in the smoke that always clung to him and the sweetness layered underneath. "I can't remember, but. . ." Izuku fell short, torn between telling him and keeping him out of it. "I know I went too far."
Bakugo's arms tightened, pulled Izuku close to him.
"I can't remember, but I can't forget either," Izuku whimpered, voice crumbling to a broken sob,
squeezing his eyes shut tighter like Dabi might pry them open. "And it hurts, Kacchan."
"Damn it, Deku," Bakugo cursed, his breath hot against Izuku's neck. He curled against Izuku, grasping at him like Izuku might slip through his fingers at any moment. "This isn't something you can do on your own."
I thought you died.
Izuku shoved Bakugo back, hands pressed firmly against his chest. "You can't help me remember.
This is something I can only do alone, Kacchan."
Bakugo reached up and grabbed his forearm so he couldn't pull away. "The fall out then," he clarified, eyes narrowing. "It's clear that you're still struggling with fire. I saw how you were keeping Icy-Hot out of the fight. I saw how you flinched back when he used his fire." Bakugo tightened his grip as Izuku fought him. "You looked terrified talking to Endeavor."
"I don't know why!" Izuku shouted, growing agitated.
Bakugo's expression softened but his grip on Izuku did not. "I thought you remembered the fire?"
"I do," Izuku said, his anger sputtering out as quickly as it had ignited. "It's the part I remember best."
The smoke, the sparks, the embers, the blue hue as he was burned. The pain. It was all there. Clear as the moment it happened.
Bakugo released Izuku's arm.
Izuku drew his hand back, startled as the emptiness settled into him again. "I'm tired of being afraid. It's been months since the fire," he said weakly, voice feeling thin and forced. "I can't let it hold me back."
"Just. . .don't do anything stupid," Bakugo ground out, taking a step back before turning from Izuku. "Maybe holding yourself back is the problem."
Izuku felt his heart lurch as Bakugo walked away.
Aizawa was talking about how they did during their training fights that morning, All Might beside him providing commentary and criticism.
Izuku kept his head down, pretending to take notes while he redrew his path through the apartment complex, replaying the memories in his head and hoping something new came to light. He wrote possible ways to trigger memories. Most of the ideas were scratched out because they hadn't worked.
Even though Mrs. Ito had said much the same thing as Aizawa, Izuku couldn't let it go. Perhaps he could if the ghost of his lost memory didn't haunt him.
Deep down, Izuku felt like everything tied back to those missing moments with Dabi. And if he could just remember those moments, then he could—
"Midoriya."
Izuku jumped, startled out of his thoughts by Aizawa. His classmates were collecting their things and filtering out the door. Izuku flipped his notebook closed, taking care to make the action look normal and not like he was hiding something as he slipped it into his bag. "Yes, Mr. Aizawa?"
Aizawa stopped beside his desk. "I'd like to speak with you. Bakugo, wait outside for a moment. There's something else I need to discuss with both of you." He pulled over a chair after Bakugo left the room and leveled his gaze at Izuku. "Your performance during the training exercise was questionable."
Izuku shifted in his seat, a shiver crawling along his skin. "I know," he muttered, drained from the talk with Bakugo earlier.
"Izuku," Aizawa started, his forehead creasing with worry, "is fire still bothering you?" "You gonna tell 'em?"
Izuku's eyes flicked up to Dabi leaning on one of the desks a row over.
"A little bit, yeah," Izuku said, shifting his eyes back to Aizawa.
Dabi drawled, "You're such a liar." He moved closer and leaned on the back of Aizawa's chair, looking down at him with pity. "To think he trusts you," he tutted, flames sparking at his fingertip. "I wonder how disappointed he'd be to know you're lying to him after everything he's done for you?"
"You should've said something, Izuku."
"It's not that bad," Izuku said, looking away as Dabi smirked. "I'm just trying to work through it."
Aizawa sighed, eyes falling closed. "I don't believe that, Izuku. You barely used your quirk and Todoroki was clearly a point of stress."
Of course, Aizawa would've been watching the match closely, so Izuku wasn't surprised by the deduction, but he still felt raw from the argument with Bakugo, and it poked a nerve.
"I will speak with Bakugo too, but for the time being, I want you to avoid his quirk." Izuku snapped up to look at him. "His quirk?"
"Just for a little while," Aizawa said, "until you make more progress with Mrs. Ito. This includes Todoroki as well."
"Whatever you think is best," Izuku agreed, even nodding his head to really sell that the idea sounded good. Just the thought of Bakugo made the empty ache in his chest feel painful, so maybe some distance would be good. Make it easier to deal with. For a while.
Aizawa stood, crossing the room to the door to call Bakugo in. Once they were both seated,
Aizawa said, "I wanted to update you two on the investigation into the fire." Izuku sat up straight, Bakugo mirroring him.
"The police have confirmed that the man killed—Yuri's father—was a scientist working undercover with the police to infiltrate the black market used by villains," Aizawa explained. "The building the Nomu attacked a few days before was his place of work, however, he'd left early with some colleagues."
"He was found out," Bakugo said, brows pinching together as Aizawa nodded.
"That's the working theory." Aizawa looked at Izuku as he said, "It is believed that Dabi went to the apartment complex alone and killed him after the failed Nomu attack."
Dabi looked down at Aizawa curiously, like the theory entertained him. "All these guess's while you sit with the answers," he huffed, casting a sidelong glance at Izuku.
Izuku swallowed hard and looked away. "Have the police figured out anything else?"
"Unfortunately, it seems League activity has gone under the radar," Aizawa sighed, sounding just as frustrated as Izuku felt. "You can go, Bakugo."
A breath caught in Izuku's throat when Bakugo slid the door close behind him.
"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about, Izuku."
He looked back at Aizawa, blinking away how his eyes blurred. "What about?"
Aizawa shifted, sucking in a stiff breath and Izuku felt a surge of annoyance and frustration roll off him. "The police have requested your help on the case."
Izuku drew back, a chill racing up his spine.
"Because there has been no activity from the League, the police believe they might be planning something." Aizawa was grim, the words coming out clipped and strained, full of caution. "I want you to really think about this. You can decline. It's your choice."
Izuku felt his stomach churn at the unease in his voice. "What do they wanted me to do?"
Aizawa was quiet for a moment as he took a slow breath. "Aid in questioning a villain by the name of All For One."
"All For One?" Izuku breathed in disbelief.
Aizawa nodded. "They would like you to be present and work as basically a lie detector while he is questioned about his supporters."
"Ok, that doesn't sound too bad," Izuku said slowly, still picking up on Aizawa's agitation. "If they think I can help, I want to." And if it could potentially bring him closer to the truth, Izuku wouldn't hesitate. "So, why are you upset?"
Aizawa's eyes narrowed. "I don't like Endeavor asserting his authority over the investigation. It was his idea that you aid in questioning All For One."
Izuku supposed it wasn't a good time to mention the conversation with Endeavor. "If the police think this will bring us closer to stopping the League, I want to help."
"I'll be going with you," Aizawa said, leaning toward Izuku. "The police have scheduled the interrogation for this weekend."
Izuku nodded a new determination flooding through him. He would get the police the answers they wanted and then the real Dabi could be taken care of.
Izuku let himself believe it would be that easy for a few moments, needing the spark of hope it provided.
It'd been a long time since Izuku waited outside of Hatsume's classroom in the Support Course studies building. He'd never noticed how it smelled different. Like grease and stale coffee. It was strange feeling like he didn't belong when he still knew those halls like the back of his hand.
Izuku waved to his old classmates as they passed by, pausing mid-conversation to ask how he was doing. He smiled and said he was doing ok each time. They would laugh and tell him good luck and move on.
There was a metal tang filling the air from the welding classes down the hall as Hatsume came out of her classroom, fumbling with her overstuffed bag. She came to a sudden stop when she saw Izuku, blinking in surprise before she smiled wide.
"You actually have some free time?" she asked, managing to get the backpack on her shoulders. It pulled her back from the weight.
"Sort of," Izuku said with a tired shrug. Hatsume's smile fell as she asked, "Bakugo?"
Izuku turned away, swallowing down the lump that had formed in his throat. "You still go to Power Loader's shop after class, right? It's been a while since I saw him."
"Izuku," Hatsume said gently, reaching out to touch his arm. "Why are you two still fighting?"
"Yeah," Izuku muttered, knowing it wasn't an answer, too focused Dabi in front of him to care.
"Why?" Hatsume asked again, the word drawn out with desperation. "I don't understand, Izuku. What happened a few weeks ago? What changed?"
Her grip on his arm tightened slightly, drawing him out of the flames curling at the edges of his vision.
"I pushed him away," Izuku said, nearly choking on the words.
Hatsume's hand on him weakened as she let out a sigh. "Why would you do that, Izuku?"
Izuku stared at Dabi and the flames burning in his hands and said, "I don't want him getting hurt, Hats."
She shifted to stand in front of him, partially blocking his view of Dabi. "The police and Heroes had been dealing with the League for a while now," she said carefully. "You don't need to protect him, Izuku, especially not alone."
A part of Izuku knew she was right, but another part saw Dabi lurking in the corners of his vision and felt the intense fear his memory caused. He didn't want anyone else to feel that and if that meant he had to keep the people he cared about at a distance then that was what he'd do.
As long as the real Dabi was out there and Izuku couldn't remember what he had done, the risk was too great.
That's the story, isn't it? That the villain goes after the ones the hero cares about the most?
At the beginning, that day when Izuku followed Hatsume into that final, Izuku never considered that he would find so many people to care about. So much noise he actually liked the sound of.
That scared him the most. That just like he feared, it would all be temporary. So, he stepped out of her grasp and threw up a smile.
"I guess you're right," he said, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "Let's go see Power Loader."
Hatsume didn't look convinced as he stepped around her, but she didn't push. They walked in an unusual silence to the shop a floor below. Some of Hatsume's chipper mood returned as they pulled open the doors to the Development Studio.
Izuku sat back and watched as she explained new designs and requests from students.
"I hear you're doing well in the Hero Course," Power Loader said, setting down a heavy box of parts on the worktable.
It took a moment for Izuku to process what he'd said. "I've been learning a lot."
"You're working with Mirko, right?" he asked, sorting the parts as he took them out.
"I am," Izuku said, shifting on the stool to face him. "The internship has been a lot of fun."
Power Loader let out a puff of laughter. "It's important for you kids to get real-world experience, but it usually doesn't happen so fast." He looked up from the table, only the bottom half of his face visible through the helmet. "I'm glad you're ok after that fire."
"That wasn't so much fun," Izuku said, looking around the shop.
It was mostly the same as he remembered it. A mess of sorted materials. The backroom kept clean to work on costumes. There seemed to be a few more scorch marks added to the walls since the last time he was there with Hatsume to work on his suit changes.
Time.
He used to wish it would go faster. Now, all he wanted was for it to stop.
Even though he was surrounded by things he knew, people he trusted, Izuku felt lost in a current. The familiarity around him wasn't enough to smooth out his twisted anxiety. He didn't know what else to do. Not when his moments alone were invaded by Dabi. Not when fire still made him sweat just looking at it. Not when he couldn't remember his own actions. Not when the past was becoming a stranger to him.
Everything was moving too fast and Izuku felt like he was slipping just trying to keep up.
Izuku handed Hatsume tools as she constructed a brace for a student. She worked fast, goggles in place as she soldered down thin wires and screwed on the outside shell. A mound of parts and
blueprints turned into a usable support item.
"Try it on," she said, pushing her goggles up. "You're about the same size as him."
Izuku took off his uniform jacket and slid the metal cuff on over his sleeve. He felt the inner panels shift and tightening to his arm. "What's it do?"
Hatsume moved his arm around, taking a look at the support item from every direction. "Amplifiers for an emitter type." Satisfied with the fit, Hatsume removed it from his arm and put it on her own. "These will store the plasma particles the student releases through their skin that lets them contort light." She grinned as the brace shifted and panels opened, just as she'd designed.
"That's really cool," Izuku murmured, watching as she tested the other brace, not feeling the spark that usually came with learning about new quirks. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, the air of the shop feeling thick and oppressive. "Are you hungry?"
Hatsume nodded, head down as she wrote something in a notebook. She shut it, stuffing it into the already cramped bag. "Pizza?" she asked, slinging the backpack onto her shoulders with effort.
"Pizza sounds great," Izuku said, sliding off the stool. He didn't care what they ate, Izuku just wanted out of the shop. But he couldn't figure out if the space was just too small or if it was because nothing felt the same.
Like he didn't belong.
Maybe the space hadn't changed at all, and it was him. Something was achingly different. Something had been different since the fire, slowly becoming more obvious as time went on. A part of him just wanted to go to his room and be alone.
But that was the thing. He was rarely alone anymore. If it wasn't Dabi it was a nightmare, and if it wasn't a nightmare he was obsessing over the footage of the fire and theories of the press.
Being with Hatsume was easier, even if he felt out of place.
He walked alongside her to the Support Course dorms, listening to her chatter and feeling some of the anxiety slip away.
"It's nice out," he sighed, leaning his head back to enjoy the breeze.
Hatsume hummed in agreement. "So, are you and Bakugo done training together completely?"
"Just for the time being," Izuku said, feeling the anxiety spiral up again. "Aizawa thinks his quirk might be triggering me."
"Do you think it is?" she asked after a thoughtful moment. No.
"Maybe," he said. "I've never felt different training with him. They're explosions so it's not the same as Todoroki's fire, but maybe Aizawa's right."
"I can tell you're not happy," Hatsume said, looking ahead as the dorms came into view. "I just don't get why you're pushing him away when it upsets you this bad."
Izuku frowned at the word 'upset' feeling like 'empty' was a more fitting term. He'd felt that way for so long until suddenly he had friends. . .a family. . .a home.
He was happy. So genuinely happy. And then the fire came.
Izuku thought back to that moment, a step away from taking Mirko's hand when he'd heard Yuri praying for help. That moment when he'd turned away from Mirko. That moment before the ceiling caved in when he'd locked eyes with Bakugo.
The moment when everything changed. The choice he made in that moment.
"I don't know either," he lied, and it slipped off his tongue before he could feel any guilt about it. "I just want to remember."
"How will pushing others away do that?" Hatsume asked, glancing up at him. "I just feel like I have to," he said, gripping the straps of his backpack tighter. Hatsume stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop. "You don't."
I do. Izuku looked away, heart beginning to race. He couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand. He knew from the beginning. No one would understand. They never would. They couldn't. He was alone—
"Remember what I said about sensors, Izuku?" she asked, reaching up to grip his shoulders. "We're here to help you. This isn't something you have to do alone."
Everyone kept saying that, but it didn't bring the memories back and it didn't make the fear go away. It brought pity and sowed resentment in Izuku's heart.
He hated how he felt, but what could he do when he felt like he was falling apart? It hurt to think about how many nights he slept on the floor, back pressed against the wall. How nothing that he loved before brought any comfort. Nothing that he remembered brought any peace. There was nothing.
Somehow, Dabi managed to pick apart Izuku till he barely recognized himself in the mirror. A stranger would stare back, eyes dark and smudged with purple. Izuku would watch his reflection, hoping that answers would appear and that the changes were a part of his imagination too, magically disappearing the next time he blinked.
"I'm working with Mrs. Ito," Izuku said, voice wavering slightly. "I'm not doing this alone."
"Izuku. . ." she breathed, squeezing his shoulders tighter as her eyes glazed over.
He stepped out of her grasp, feeling his heartbreak for a second time.
"I'm not really hungry," he muttered, turning away from her. "I'll see you later, Hatsume."
He had to keep her safe. That is what a hero would do. He had to keep them all safe. He had to because he was a hero. They all believed he was a hero. So, he had to be one.
"Izuku!"
He walked faster, tucking his chin into his collar bone, hating how easily his legs carried him away.
"My name is Izuku," he muttered to himself, catching the blue flames to his right. "I'm. . .a hero."
"You still believe that?"
Izuku looked up, slowing to a stop as he saw Dabi in front of him.
He looked at Izuku, head cocking to the side. A flick of his wrists and blue flames flared around them.
"You're not real," Izuku said, hands trembling too hard to make a proper fist.
Dabi smirked, taking a step towards him. "You of all people should know just how powerful the mind is." He marveled at the flames coating his hand, gaze lifting up to Izuku. "How. . .realistic memories can feel."
A shiver raced across Izuku's skin even as the heat bit through his uniform. " You're not real," he said again, willing himself to believe it.
"You can't run from me," Dabi said, his voice low and dangerous as his lip curled back against his teeth. "I won't let you forget me."
"I want to remember!" Izuku cried, the weight of his frustration breaking out as the flames grew taller and pulled him in closer to Dabi.
Dabi raised a brow. "Do you?" He considered Izuku for a moment before shaking his head, a laugh ripping out of him. "No! No, you don't. You're scared. Weak!"
"I want to remember," Izuku sobbed, forcing himself to take a step towards Dabi. "I'm not weak."
"If you're going to start making claims at least believe them first," Dabi sneered. "You could barely protect that little girl. You remember that much, don't you? How you almost failed?" His sneer grew to a manic grin. "How I burned you?"
"I want to remember." Izuku took another step towards Dabi. "Tell me what I did."
Izuku blinked against the smoke filling the air, raising an arm to cover his eyes as ashes and embers rained down.
Dabi reached a hand towards him, smoke curling off his body, a cruel smile twisting his features.
"Tell me what I did!" Izuku yelled, stumbling towards him as hot smoke seared his throat. "Tell me!"
His finger's brushed Dabi's, passing through them as the skin turned black and flaked away.
"Tell me," Izuku wheezed on a terrified breath, a charred human form flashing through his mind. He reached for Dabi again, the flames whipping around them as Dabi crumbled further. "Tell me! Tell me what I did!"
Dabi grinned, body falling apart as Izuku grasped at him. "Don't forget," he said, the arm he'd held out to Izuku gone up to the shoulder, "this is all your imagination."
Izuku lashed at him, tripping as his arm connected with nothing. He fell to the concrete of the courtyard, taking in staggered breaths, shivering from the cool evening air.
There was no smoke. No fires. No ash. There. . .There was nothing.