Sierra's stomach dropped when she read the dreaded invitation. On August 3rd, there was a reunion party for the original cast plus her and Alejandro. The show had successfully left her mind for a year and now it was barging in her life once more.
She grimaced, thinking about her time on the show. She was obsessive, obnoxious, loud, and over-bearing. These traits were no longer in her system. She was living a normal healthy life now. Her hair was back to its original color, black. It was long once more but let down. She had been seeing a therapist since the show ended which helped cope with her obsessive ways.
She learned why it was bad to treat someone the way she treated Cameron and especially Cody. She also learned things she never knew before, like that she was bipolar. Or that her obsessing over Cody was her way of coping with her parents divorce.
Now though at 23, Sierra was a much better person. She sold all her blogs years prior and started taking medication for her disorder. She worked at at a company for computer design. She had her own apartment in the city and had a healthy dating life. Although she was single at the moment, she was going on dates frequently.
This morning however, her world was crushed by this one invitation. She wanted so badly to go, to see all the people she missed. She also dreaded the idea of stepping foot into the building. She hadn't had any contact with the cast since All Stars ended. Although Cody became her friend after World Tour, he barely spoke to her outside of the show. She thinks he's grateful for her to be the one to end their contact. No one knew that she changed and she didn't want to get belittled or avoided for her past behavior. She was ashamed. If only her hormones at the time weren't raging. Fan fiction had her believe that celebrities always fell in love with their fans. Curse the one direction fandom.
She brought her mail inside and sighed as she read it for the fifth time. Finally making up her mind, she crumpled it and threw it away.
"Sierra, you look troubled today."
Her dark brown eyes bore into her light blue ones.
"You mean more troubled than usual?" She joked. The woman laughed and smiled warmly.
Sierra liked her therapist. The first few she went to were cold and calculating. They didn't really care about her problems, they just wanted a paycheck. They didn't care to offer genuine solutions to her problems, instead answering vaguely and offering referrals for the psychiatrist to get medication. Mrs. Klein was different however. The first time they met, she asked her why her hair was purple. Sierra told her the boy she had a crush on liked girls with dyed hair.
Instead of humming thoughtfully and writing down notes, the older woman laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"I did the same thing when I was your age."
She hadn't stopped seeing her since.
Mrs. Klein didn't think Sierra was crazy. She just thought Sierra needed someone to talk to.
"Well, I got something in the mail today."
"You're gonna have to be more specific than that honey." She quipped.
Sierra hesitated. "I got an invitation to a reunion special from my show."
The old woman's eyes lit up in surprise. She knew Sierra was a reality star, as she did a background check on the girl when she became a patient, and most of her problems mentioned in therapy revolved around her time on the show.
"That sounds great! Why does it trouble you?"
She played with her fingers as she answered. "Well, you know how I acted on that stupid show. People don't see change. Once I made that impression, that's all people see me for. Whenever someone recognizes me you know what they do? They come running at me shouting 'Cody!' I'm so mortified I ever acted like that. I tried so hard to build a new life for myself away from everything Total Drama related. I'm scared if I go, I'll crumble."
She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Klein leaning over her. "Listen here honey. I've known you for some time now and I can tell you you're so much more than what you give yourself credit for. You're so pleasant to talk to, and all we talk about is your problems. I can only imagine how others see you. So what if these people see you as that girl from TV? You changed and your castmates will see it too. I think you should go."
"But what do I do? I can't just show up." Sierra threw her hands in the air dramatically.
"That's exactly what you'll do. Look, you're a lovely girl. And I think all of your anxieties have stemmed from this show. Going could be a really healing experience for you. It might lift some of the burden you carry with you."
Suddenly, Sierra's eyes lit up. "You're.. right. I hadn't really felt this way before I was on Total Drama. I was just.. normal."
"You were always normal Sierra. You just had a bad way of showing it." They both chuckled and Sierra genuinely smiled for the first time that day.
Sierra checked her makeup for the third time before leaving her car. Her bright red lipstick was still in place, and her eyeliner was still in place. Luckily her hair wasn't mussed up from the car ride. She chose to wear her long black hair down and curled. She exited the car, being careful not to fall from wearing heels. She flattened her tight black dress and turned to walk to the front of the venue.
She felt her heart speed up, and her stomach drop a few times. She took a few deep breaths in, and walked to the door, gripping her small purse with sweaty palms. A man was guarding the door with his hand held out for the invitation.
She handed him her crumpled up one and he read it, flabbergasted. "Sierra?! Woah, you look gorgeous. Right in here ma'am." She smiled and nodded and walked through the door to loud music and dim lighting.
She smirked. 'Figures Chris wouldn't want to pay a bill on lights.'
She could see that the venue was set up like a fancy club. There was a long bar with a big open floor for dancing. A DJ was set up in front of the open space playing loud pop music. Waiters in black dress pants and collared shirts walked around cleaning up after people and offering appetizers. Past an open archway was a room with tables for people to sit, but she noticed most people stood around talking.
Her eyes were drawn to the other people, her anxiety heightening as she named off people in her head. 'Harold, Leshawna, Eva, Beth..' She was so busy in her thoughts that she jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Look who we found girls?" Her eyes bore into Heathers who had a bright smile on her face with two other girls trailing behind her. They both 'whooped' in victory and Sierra almost didn't recognize them.
"Gwen? Courtney?" They smiled at her.
Gwen's hair was a normal shade of brown and she lost the dark heavy makeup she once wore on the show. She was wearing a deep blue dress and matching heels with light mascara and lipstick. The gothic girls freckles were on display for once.
Courtney looked more relaxed, her long hair pinned back into a braid while she wore a thick line of eyeliner and nude lipstick. She wore a nice dress shirt and pants rather than a dress. She really did look like a lawyer.
Heather on the other hand looked exactly the same, although now she had shoulder length hair that wasn't in a ponytail, making her look almost like her mother.
"Yeah that's us!" Courtney cheered. "Team Amazon, whole at last!" Heather shouted, and all three girls hugged Sierra around the waist. She was slightly confused. Last time she saw these girls, one was a total bitch, while the other two were at each others necks.
She ignored her confusion, instead letting relief overwhelm her. She thought they would avoid her, especially since they had to deal with Sierra the most out of everyone on the show, but instead here they were, so excited to see her.
"How'd you know it was me?" Sierra asked once they separated, a smile on her face. Sierra knew she changed a lot, both mentally and physically.
"Anyone could recognize the tallest girl from the show." Gwen joked.
"Oh." Sierra blushed.
"Where have you been girl? No ones heard a thing from you since the show ended."
She shrugged. "I just needed some time to myself that's all. I've been making a new life for myself."
All the girls nodded at her words. "Well, we're glad you're here tonight. Let's party!"
She let the girls drag her across the room, a carefree smile on her face. She momentarily forgot where she was, until she made eye contact with a boy across the room. She stopped in her tracks, and the girls looked puzzled.
"What's wrong?" Gwen asked. They all met her line of sight and made a sound of realization.
Sierra felt shame flood her body at Cody's terrified expression. He quickly moved through the crowd, losing Sierras line of sight.
"Forget him, Sierra. He's old news, literally." Courtney crossed her arms, making eye contact with the girl.
"No its not that!" She claimed. "What is it then?"
Sierra sighed.
"I feel so bad for the way I treated him. I don't want him to think I'm the same person as I used to be because I'm not." A soft hand was placed on her shoulder, making her look up from her feet. "We know." Heather stated with a warm smile she's never seen on the cynical girls face before. She tilted her head in confusion, making the girl laugh.
"Your blogs. One day I noticed none of them were yours anymore." Courtney piped up from next to Heather. "I saw you right when you walked in. You looked nervous, but calmer than I've ever seen you."
"Fuck Cody, Sierra. He didn't deserve you then, and he doesn't deserve you now. Let's just focus on having a fun girls night, yeah?" Gwen chimed in, vulgar as ever. All three girls started chanting her name, causing a few eyes to glance their way. Sierra blushed, but let a wide genuine smile blossom on her cheeks. "Okay, okay." They all cheered.
Sierra felt great. A weight lifted off of her that she didn't know existed. She downed two shots with the girls before dancing to nostalgic pop songs for an hour. Gwen even got them all to dance to an old school rock song much to the preppy girls reluctance.
At some point though, she found herself without her trio. She should've felt nervous at being alone but found that she just felt content instead. She spaced out for a minute near the bar nursing a cup of wine in her hands.
"Well if it isn't crazy herself." An unamused voice said behind her. Sierra jumped a little, checking her cup to make sure she didn't spill any of her drink. She let out a sigh of relief when she noticed her dress was still dry and turned around to face the mysterious person.
She felt her stomach sink at the sight of the one and only know it all. "It's pretty rude to make assumptions though isn't it? Like how I still remember you being a condescending jerk. Is that the same?" Sierra stated. She fought through her anxiety, as Noah was one of the few from her cast to tell her how it is.
She can appreciate that in some aspects, but boy did it hurt when it was something bad. He smirked and shrugged. "Eh, probably."
He looked about the same from the show although he gained some height. He was about the same height as she was, perhaps a tad bit shorter. The only thing that was noticeable was the lack of a sweater vest. Instead he was wearing a red button up shirt and jeans. Although his outfit was simple, he looked well put together.
Sierra rolled her eyes and pretended she wasn't nervous. "Well you might've not changed but I sure have." She turned to leave but stopped at his words.
"What? Changed your hair color? That's not that big a deal honey."
"Whats your problem? Why talk to me if all your going to do is laugh at me for how I acted as a teenager." She placed one of her tan arms on her hip and cocked her head to the side.
He smirked at her, crossing his arms. "It's kind of funny you have to admit. I was also curious if I'm being honest. If I'm not mistaken I saw Cody but not you next to him. Almost thought you didn't show up."
She rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall, swirling the wine in her cup.
"Glad to hear you care. Like I said, I'd changed. I don't like Cody like that anymore."
Noah's eyes widened in shock. "Damn I guess I just lost 40 bucks to Geoff."
Sierra stood straight, her body stiff. She felt a fowl taste in her mouth and anger going through her veins.
Of course Noah wouldn't just talk to Sierra. He didn't have a social bone in his body. He just played her.
"So you just talked to me to see if you won a bet? Now it's more than clear that you're the same asshole from before." Sierra snarled.
She walked off, leaving a speechless Noah.
She kept the encounter to herself, deciding to just regroup with the girls and try to enjoy the remainder of her night. The anger in her bones ebbed away when she found her friends. As she approached however, she felt her nerves shoot through her whole body. Cody was in the center of the group with Trent, talking to the girls.
If she was paying enough attention she would've noticed the fond way Trent and Gwen looked at each other or the matching rings on their hands. Instead she kept her eyes glued down to the ground, approaching the side of the group she knew she saw Courtney on.
"There you are! We were wondering where you went!" Courtney smiled, making the other girl feel less scared. She let her eyes roam around her. This time Cody didn't run away from the group, instead avoiding her gaze. He talked with Gwen and Trent while Heather and Courtney stood with Sierra.
"Ugh, this is so high school. Sierra, you should just talk to him." Heather bluntly stated. Sierra appreciated that she was conscious enough to keep her voice low so that only their little group could hear. A blush still overtook her cheeks at her words.
"I don't know if I should do that. I don't want to scare him." Courtney nodded at her words. "That's reasonable."
Heather rolled her eyes, muttering something about how she always has to do everything. She walked away for a moment, nearly giving Sierra a heart attack when she returned, her hand clutched around Codys wrist as she dragged him behind her.
"Sierra's going to talk to you." Heather stated. His blue eyes widened in surprise. Through Sierra's terror she managed to speak up. "I'll buy you a drink?"
Weaving through the dancing bodies of their castmates, the two made it to the bar. Sierra already felt buzzed from her previous shots so she stuck with another cup of wine. Cody got a rum and coke, trying to avoid Sierras direct gaze.
She decided to take the lead. "We should talk in there, it's less loud!" Sierra shouted, pointing to the other room with tables. Cody hesitantly nodded, following her inside. Luckily there were only two or three other former contestants in there. Sierra led them further away from them for more privacy, pointing to him to take a seat at the vacant table with her.
This was the closest they'd been all night which allowed Sierra to notice the changes in the boy she used to admire. His face was less round, his jaw more defined. Not by much but enough to recognize his journey from being a teenager to an adult. His shaggy brown hair was cut a bit shorter, looking much more managed than before. He was sporting a white short sleeve button down shirt with a pair of black skinny jeans. The only thing that hadn't changed about him was the adorable gap between his teeth.
"I wanted to apologize." She blurted out. Codys eyes shot up to hers. "What?" His voice got deeper too.
She smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry Cody. For how I humiliated you on public television and harassed you for months. I didn't realize how toxic my behavior was, and I'm proud to say I went to therapy for it and got help. I just want you to know I don't feel that way about you anymore. I don't want any ill feelings between us anymore, but I wouldn't expect you to accept that apology."
Cody's face lit up, a smile overtaking his features. "Wow Sierra. That's actually really mature of you. Thank you." Sierra let herself smile as well, feeling like an immense weight was taken off her at that moment.
"Really?" She asked. He nodded. "Yeah. Of course I accept your apology. I guess I should say sorry for avoiding you all night as well." He chuckled. "No, I understand." For the first time in a long time Sierra felt free.
Before departing with Cody they exchanged phone numbers so she could actually keep in contact this time. She also got the girls numbers as well from him, saving them to her phone. She sent them each a text message so that way they all had her number too.
She noticed a staircase that led up to a dimmed corridor. Curious, she went upstairs. She found the bathroom as well as big doors at the end of the hallway leading outside. She couldn't resist, opening the doors and letting out a sigh of relief at the fresh air.
She sat down at one of the fancy lawn chairs set up there and looked up at the night sky. She could vaguely hear the music from downstairs mixed with the much more clear sound of the crickets and the car traffic. It felt good to sit for the first time that night. She could feel herself relaxing, content at the progress she made that night.
She almost jumped when she heard the big doors swing open.
"Thought I'd find you out here." Sierra felt a storm whirling in her body at the sound of his nasally voice.
"Come here to find something else out about me for a gamble?" She said quickly, getting up and moving to stand near the edge of the balcony. She let her arms rest on the rail. She felt someone stand next to her yet refused to tear her eyes away from the balcony.
"I didn't actually lose a bet against Geoff. I was joking, but you walked away before I could say anything. Sorry about that I guess."
Sierra felt the raging flame inside her die down gradually, until she was left with a tiny frown on her face. "Oh." She replied.
She relaxed her muscles and let herself make eye contact with the boy next to her, searching for sincerity in his eyes.
She always had trouble identifying other people's intentions, and rarely understood social cues as shown from her time on Total Drama. Since then, she got better at reading other people to prevent toxic and bad people into her life. The eyes were something that couldn't lie.
Noah noticeably shifted under her gaze, trying almost a little too hard to look uninterested and unfazed. His eyes however had questions in it. He did feel bad he made her storm off like that, and she could see the guilt whirlpool in his irises as well as piqued interest.
She let herself smile. "It's fine."
His muscles untensed, but she didn't comment on it. They were quiet for a minute, enjoying the sounds of crickets and cicadas in the summer night. "Can I ask you something?" He said.
She nodded, hoping he saw. "Why purple?" He asked. She took a second to process his question. "My hair?" She clarified with a confused grin. He chuckled. "Don't take it the wrong way, it was a nice shade, but I was just curious why."
She let out a small laugh of her own. "Embarrassing, but when I saw how Cody crushed on a girl with blue and black hair, I thought I'd do one better and color the whole thing and make it a different color so it wasn't obvious I was copying Gwen." Noah laughed alongside her.
"You really had it bad, huh?" She laughed.
"Unfortunately, yes." They settled back into silence for a minute.
"For the record, your natural color looks way better." He muttered absent mindedly. She felt a flutter in her stomach. Being genuine was rare for Noah. From watching the show as much as she did when she was younger, she felt like she knew all of her castmates uncomfortably well. She knew that Noah likely used humor and sarcasm to cover up his real feelings.
She looked over at him and examined the fact that his arms were wrapped tight around himself. His eyes were planted down below at the people walking on the street, attempting to look nonchalant instead of terrified of rejection.
The fact that he chose to be vulnerable around her with a genuine compliment provoked a foreign feeling in her. She felt her lips curl into a genuine smile.
"Thanks. Sorry about calling you a condescending jerk earlier." She softly replied.
"Don't be, you're not wrong." He dryly remarked like he was bored. His expression was vastly different from his tone of voice. He wore a small smile, one that Sierra felt like she hadn't seen much of in the show.
His remark made her giggle. Was Noah always this funny? She felt like she could definitely appreciate his humor now that they were adults. She felt like if she didn't obsess over Cody in the show, she could've gotten along with him. It saddened her to know that she missed out on getting to know everyone personally so she could live and breathe Cody.
"No, but you're actually sweet." She retorted. She enjoyed the way Noah's face contorted in shock. The light reflected from the balcony lights allowed her to see the blush form on his cheeks and the way his eyes widened for a second.
"Wow, that's new. I've never heard anyone refer to me as 'sweet' before.." He replied almost awkwardly. Was Noah shy around women? Sierra noted this information.
"Well, now you have." She smiled sweetly at him. She almost forgot where she was until her phone buzzed. She opened her small purse and pulled it out to reveal a text message from Courtney asking where she was.
It gave Sierra a great idea as she dug through her purse for a pen she knew she brought. She knew she was someone who was overprepared for most situations, but it almost always worked out in her favor.
"Give me your arm." Sierra demanded. Noah held out his arm with a questioning look. She grabbed his arm with her left hand to hold him still. She noticed his skin was very soft. He seemed like the type to moisturize.
She wrote her number neatly with her pen.
"I have to get back to the party, but if you ever want to talk, text me. Or call me, I don't mind talking on the phone." Sierra said cheerfully.
Noah looked stunned for a moment. He seemed to gather his thoughts, quickly reverting back to his dry cynical nature.
"You know I could've just gave you my phone to put your number in."
"I know. This way is cuter, don't you agree?" Sierra responded. He didn't bother to answer, focusing on the digits on his arm. Perhaps he did agree.
She waved goodnight at him before retreating back inside.
She carefully navigated down the marble staircase, finding her friends once more.
"Woah, you look happy. Reconciling with Cody went better than expected, huh huh?" Gwen bumped her arm with a wink.
Sierra snorted. "No, silly! I mean, it did go well, and I'm happy we're okay, but it's nothing more than that. Promise."
"Ah, okay. So what's got you all smiley then?" Gwen pushed. Time definitely changed Gwen, as Sierra remembered her to be more nonchalant than this. Dare she say she enjoyed gossip now.
Sierra felt her face heat up at the attention of her and Courtney's smug expressions.
"Look who finally showed up!" Heather interrupted, holding up Alejandro's hand as they approached the group. Sierra thanked her internally for the interruption.
Alejandro looked almost the same as he did years ago with the exception of having no facial hair, though for some reason his aura felt different. He no longer had a sinister vibe about him. His smile looked genuine.
He was wearing jeans and a collared long sleeve shirt with the first few buttons undone in his typical fashion.
"Apologies for my tardiness. Work kept me later than expected. It's nice to see you all." He politely stated as he held out his arm for Heather to hold onto.
She smiled softly at him, cuddling into his arm too easily. Heather from the show would've rather died than show such vulnerability in front of everyone. They must've come a long way for this to happen. Sierra started to feel guilty for not reconciling with everyone sooner because she missed pivotal moments of their lives.
"Sierra, I almost didn't recognize you. I thought you fell off the face of the earth." Alejandro joked. Sierra rolled her eyes, but engaged in playful conversation with them all.
It seemed that Heather and Alejandro softened up each other. She was happy for them. At some point, Trent and Cody regrouped with them all. Sierra allowed herself to squeal when she realized Gwen and Trent were engaged. They both smiled gleefully at her excited reaction, a stark difference from how the cast used to react to her overexcitement. Perhaps it was good for her to become friends with them all again. It seemed they all matured on some level, and were able to appreciate parts of each other that they didn't before.
Cody for one, no longer seemed to try to gain Gwens attention. He likely had years to get over her and accept that they would never happen. In fact, he seemed more interested in talking to Trent about things than to Gwen at all.
Sierra allowed herself to enjoy the moment, only listening to those around her.
"Woah, Noah, are those digits I see!?" Sierra overheard Izzy's loud voice from behind her. She tuned into the conversation with a smirk.
"Izzy! Don't grab me like that!" Noah whined. Sierra peaked over her shoulder, seeing Izzy with an iron grip on his forearm, pulling it out toward her.
She turned back with a repressed chuckle before she could be spotted.
"So whose number is it? Is she cute? Or is it a he?" Izzy teased. She could hear Noah sputter with a few people around him laughing at his reaction.
"It's none of your business!" He hissed in response.
Awhile later, Chris made a brief appearance. Trailing behind him was a camera crew that filmed them for a bit. A few protested but were silenced at Chris revealing that legally he had the right to film them due to some clause in their previous contracts. Sierra felt her nerves flare at this, but tried to ignore it. After an hour, Chris left with the cameras and Sierra could breath normally again.
The night started to come to a close as various people began leaving. The girls decided that it was time to go home and they all stood in front of the venue together to say their goodbyes. The night air was crisp and cool against her sticky skin.
"It's been amazing seeing you all together again. I never thought the day would come." Courtney stated with a relieved sigh. "I haven't been able to have a night like this in a long time." Courtney added, placing a hand on her cheek. Her life as a lawyer probably made it challenging to have a healthy social life.
"Who would've thought that Chris of all people made this possible?" Heather stated in disbelief with a hand on her hip for dramatic effect.
Gwen and Sierra laughed. "Right? He did one good deed finally." Gwen retorted.
Sierra nodded. "I'm thankful, that's for sure. I'm really glad I got to know you all again. Once again, I'm sorry for disappearing. I thought you guys didn't like me, rightfully so." Sierra felt her face heat up in embarrassment.
"I'll admit that I didn't like you for awhile, but to be honest I started to miss our interactions." Courtney admitted.
"Yeah, it's like once you become an adult, you start to realize all the stuff you took for granted. All my friends from my hometown were flakes. They only wanted to be near me cause I was like a celebrity. You guys were the only real ones." Heather said.
Sierra felt her heart warm from their positive words.
"That's so true! All my friends were fangirls too, so they only enabled my bad stalker habits. When I was trying to get better, they all kind of ditched me. Especially when I sold the blogs." Sierra replied.
It was hard to think about because some of those girls she considered her best friends. In real life, she didn't have many friends at school because they thought she was annoying. Her online friends were her only friends, so when All Stars was finished they were the only people she spoke to. When she started to realize how bad her habits were, her friends tried to convince her she was wrong and that she should continue her toxic behaviors.
They slowly stopped talking to her when they realized she wasn't interested in talking about Total Drama anymore. It became a lonely road to redemption, with only her family supporting her. It did feel really good to have friends that went through similar experiences as her and treated her as an equal.
"That's awful, Sierra. Sorry that happened to you." Gwen sympathized.
"It's okay. It's just good to be around people who understand." She smiled cheerfully at everyone. Alejandro, Trent and Cody approached them just as they were all hugging each other goodbye.
"Hey, I was part of team Amazon too you know! Where's my hug?" Cody whined.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "C'mere, you big baby." She pulled him into a hug, taking the opportunity to give him a noogie. The girls snickered as he tried fixing his hair again.
"Y'know, years ago I would've rather dropped dead than hug a geek, but I'm feeling generous." Heather shrugged, walking over to Cody for a side hug.
"Hey, I'll take it." Cody shrugged. Courtney gave him a quick hug, moving on to hug Alejandro and Trent goodbye too. That left Sierra and Cody.
"Is it okay to give you one too? Promise I won't squeeze like I used to." Sierra joked with a wink. Cody snickered. "Of course!"
She leaned in, wrapping her arms gently around his shoulders, feeling his smaller arms wrap around her waist. It was nice. She pulled away after a second. "It was nice seeing you." She said.
He smiled. "Ditto."
"Well, we better be off then." Alejandro spoke, wrapping his arm around Heathers waist.
"I'm gonna make a group chat with you all, so we better talk more. Later, losers!" Heather waved.
"Yeah, we better get going too. Goodnight!" Gwen and Trent held hands, walking away from the group.
Sierra waved at everyone, turning to walk back to the parking lot.
She felt light. All the shame and guilt from the show seemed to dissipate in an instant. She was able to make amends with everyone and felt like this only led to a new beginning for her.
'Man, I can't wait to tell my therapist about this.' Sierra thought gleefully.
