It's Always Heartless in Philadelphia

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fan fiction and a playful crossover between two vastly different universes: "Kingdom Hearts" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

"Kingdom Hearts" is owned by Disney and Square Enix, and the characters and elements from this franchise are used with respect to their creators. No copyright infringement is intended, and this story is created solely for the enjoyment of fans.

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is created by Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, and Charlie Day, and it is produced by RCG Productions, with FX Productions also involved in the production. The characters and settings from the show are portrayed in a lighthearted and comedic manner, blending the two worlds in a fun and imaginative way.

This on-going crossover is a work of fiction and is not officially endorsed by the creators or copyright holders of either franchise. It is meant to be a humorous and entertaining exploration of what might happen when these two very different worlds collide.

I hope you enjoy this unconventional journey as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Chapter 1: The Gang's Grand Plan

***11:30 am. On a Wednesday. Philadelphia, PA***

***PADDY'S PUB***

Paddy's Pub was a seedy dive bar that exuded a certain kind of charm, albeit of the chaotic and disreputable variety. The grimy windows, caked with a layer of Philadelphia's grit and grime, made it nearly impossible for sunlight to pierce through. Instead, the bar relied on a hodgepodge of neon signs and flickering fluorescent bulbs to illuminate its interior.

The scent of stale beer and cheap whiskey lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of greasy bar food that had seen better days. The dingy, wood-paneled walls were adorned with mismatched decorations, ranging from tattered sports memorabilia to faded posters advertising long-forgotten bands.

Despite its apparent lack of charm, or perhaps because of it, Paddy's Pub had a certain allure. It was the kind of place where the downtrodden sought solace, and the misguided found a sense of belonging. Or at least, that's what the gang believed.

On this particular Wednesday at 11:30 am, the bar's usual state of desolation persisted. The handful of regulars who had gathered at the grimy tables nursing their drinks were the only signs of life. It was as though time had frozen within these dingy walls, and the world outside had decided to carry on without it.

Dee, Dennis, Charlie, and Mac occupied their respective spaces of this depressing bar, lost in their own peculiar pursuits. The lack of customers was nothing new for Paddy's Pub; it had become a familiar backdrop to the gang's perpetual quest for self-indulgence and harebrained schemes.

Dennis, ever the picture of narcissistic self-assuredness, stood behind the bar with an air of superiority that seemed wildly out of place in such a dive. His posture was impeccable, his hair immaculate, but his attempts at bartending were amateur at best.

Dee, Dennis's twin sister, was perched on a barstool, her long legs crossed with a sense of casual indifference. She sipped her cocktail with a disdainful expression, occasionally glancing around the nearly empty bar with an air of boredom. The two siblings were deep in conversation about Dennis's get rich quick scheme, which in his mind sounded amazing. But out loud, it was totally ridiculous.

"Seriously, Dennis, a Bird Lawyer? Who's going to hire you for that?" Dee chortled, taking a swig of her drink.

Dennis, ever the narcissist, shrugged off her taunts. "Dee, you just don't understand my genius. Bird Law is an untapped goldmine, and I intend to be its legal kingpin."

As the two squabbled, Charlie sat alone in a dimly lit booth near the back of the bar. His wild, unkempt hair seemed to defy gravity as it sprouted in all directions. His attire was a mishmash of clothing and needing some serious TLC. A worn-out and battered PSP was clutched in his grease-stained hands.

Charlie's eyes darted across the screen, and his brows were knitted in intense concentration as he navigated through the twisted corridors of a digital world. He mumbled to himself, occasionally punctuating his mutterings with shouts of frustration.

"Xehanort, you old, creepy bastard!" Charlie yelled at the screen, his voice cracking with a blend of anger and determination. "I'll show you! I'll defeat you and become the Keyblade Master!"

His fingers moved frantically, pressing buttons on the PSP's worn-down console with surprising precision. It was as if he had spent countless hours immersed in the digital realm, battling foes and unraveling mysteries.

Despite his disheveled appearance and eccentric behavior, there was an undeniable fire in Charlie's eyes. His love for the Kingdom Hearts series was unwavering, and he saw himself as a warrior destined to conquer the virtual world. He had taken on the persona of a Keyblade wielder, channeling his inner hero.

Occasionally, Charlie would glance around the bar, seemingly lost in his own world, unaware of the ongoing squabbles and schemes of his friends. He was a character defined by his quirks, his love for Kingdom Hearts, and his relentless pursuit of victory, even in the face of pixelated adversaries.

As Charlie took his break from cleaning up vomit, toilets and killing rats. He wasn't the only one of 'The Gang' to be playing video games, when they should be working. Nestled in a corner of the dive pub, sat Mac. He was a sturdy, muscular man with a permanent five o'clock shadow and a penchant for wearing sleeveless shirts, showing off his biceps. His look was all about toughness and machismo, but his current situation painted a different picture.

Mac was hunched over in a comfy chair, his eyes locked onto a damaged TV and a broken PS3. His frustration was palpable, and it manifested in his shouts and the sweat forming on his forehead.

"Don't just stand there, Donald! Heal me, you dick!" Mac shouted at the TV, his voice brimming with desperation.

In contrast to his tough exterior, Mac's obsession with Kingdom Hearts revealed a hidden layer of vulnerability and an unrelenting competitive spirit. He was deeply immersed in the virtual world, treating it with the same intensity as his workouts or martial arts training.

He clenched the controller tightly, his fingers pressing buttons with a mix of impatience and determination. The sound of his outburst echoed through Paddy's Pub, drawing a few curious glances from the regular patrons.

Dee and Dennis exchanged amused glances as they turned their attention to Mac and Charlie, who were deeply immersed in their virtual worlds.

"You'd think they are actually in a life-or-death battle," Dennis remarked with a chuckle.

Dee nodded in agreement, her eyes fixed on the intensely focused Mac. "Honestly, they're more invested in that game than their own life."

Meanwhile, Charlie was lost in the world of Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep, his battered PSP glowing in his hands. As he navigated the digital landscapes, his shouts were equally enthusiastic.

"Take that, Unversed scum! You won't steal my light!" Charlie yelled, his voice echoing with the game's dramatic tension.

Dee couldn't help but roll her eyes and lean over to Dennis. "Do you ever wonder if they'll ever grow out of this Kingdom Hearts obsession?"

Dennis smirked, sipping his drink. "Considering they're in their thirties, I highly doubt it. But it's endlessly entertaining to watch."

Mac's game continued to frustrate him as he struggled to defeat a particularly challenging boss. "Seriously, how am I supposed to beat Sephiroth? He's like a goddamn ninja!"

Dee leaned back on her seat , shaking her head. "Remember when Mac tried to do all those real-life ninja moves after playing that game?"

Dennis grinned, recalling the ridiculous spectacle. "Ah, yes. The 'Karate Mac' phase. Classic."

Charlie, who had momentarily paused his game, chimed in enthusiastically, "Hey, guys, did I ever tell you about the time I dressed up as Sora for Halloween? It was the best night of my life!"

Dee and Dennis exchanged knowing glances again, unable to resist a smirk. "Only about a hundred times, Charlie," Dee replied, her tone laced with sarcasm.

As Mac's battle with Sephiroth intensified, his shouts grew more desperate. "I can't see anything with these stupid camera angles! It's like the game is against me!"

Dennis leaned in, offering some unsolicited advice, "Maybe if you stopped yelling at the TV and actually learned the controls, you'd have a chance."

Mac shot him an annoyed glance, but he couldn't deny the truth in Dennis's words. "I'll figure it out. Just you wait."

Just then, the door swung open with a creak, and a burst of bright daylight spilled into the dimly lit pub. In stepped Frank Reynolds, a man of questionable hygiene and even more questionable intentions. His entrance was marked by a sense of purpose and haste that contrasted sharply with the relaxed chaos that usually pervaded Paddy's Pub.

Frank was a man of extremes. He had a wiry, disheveled appearance, sporting a ragged Hawaiian shirt that had seen better days. His thinning hair was a chaotic mess, and his eyes, always gleaming with a hint of madness, darted around the room as if searching for opportunities or trouble.

As Frank approached the bar, his wild eyes were locked on the object clutched tightly in his hand—a flyer for an upcoming event in the city. His voice quivered with excitement and an unmistakable glint of madness as he addressed the gang.

"Hey, guys, check this out!" Frank exclaimed, waving the flyer in the air. "There's a comic and video game convention happening this Saturday at the Pennsylvania Convention Center."

Dee and Dennis exchanged a glance, somewhat unimpressed by Frank's latest revelation.

"So?" they chimed in unison, their skepticism evident.

However, the moment those words left Frank's mouth, Charlie and Mac, who had been engrossed in their video games, perked up. The mere mention of a "video game convention" was enough to break their concentration.

Charlie, his eyes wide with excitement, turned to Mac who was in the corner. "Did you hear that, Mac? A video game convention! That's like heaven on Earth!"

Mac, equally enthusiastic, paused his game and nodded vigorously. "Yeah, dude! We gotta go. Maybe we can find some Kingdom Hearts collectibles!"

Dee and Dennis couldn't help but roll their eyes at their friends' sudden burst of excitement. They knew all too well that when Charlie and Mac latched onto an idea, they went all in.

Turning their attention back to Frank, Dee raised an eyebrow. "So, Frank, what's your plan this time? How do you plan to profit from a bunch of nerds at a convention?"

Frank's grin widened as he leaned in, his voice lowering conspiratorially. "I've got it all figured out. I managed to pull some strings with a 'friend' at the convention venue. We're gonna set up a booth to promote the ultimate Comic Con After Party right here at Paddy's Pub."

Charlie and Mac's eyes practically sparkled with excitement as they absorbed the details of Frank's scheme. The prospect of mingling with fellow gamers and cosplayers at a booth dedicated to their beloved Kingdom Hearts was too enticing to resist.

Charlie clapped Frank on the back, his enthusiasm infectious. "Frank, this is gonna be epic! We can dress up as Kingdom Hearts characters, and I can finally find someone to discuss my theory about how Sora is connected to the Master of Masters."

Mac, equally thrilled, chimed in, "And we'll definitely find some collectibles to add to our Kingdom Hearts shrine!"

Dee and Dennis exchanged another knowing look. They had seen Frank's wild schemes play out many times before, and they knew this one was bound to lead to chaos. Still, they couldn't deny the excitement in the air.

Dee leaned in, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, this is gonna be a disaster, isn't it, Dennis?"

Dennis smirked, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Of course, but what's life without a little chaos? And a lot of potential profit, if Frank's scheme works."

As the gang continued to discuss the Comic Con After Party plan, Charlie couldn't contain his enthusiasm. He reached under the bar and pulled out a dusty box, revealing his carefully preserved Sora costume and a homemade Kingdom Key prop. The costume bore the unmistakable signs of having been lovingly cared for over the years.

Dee raised an eyebrow, her gaze shifting to Charlie, who had a gleam in his eye. "Is that the costume you've been hoarding since that Halloween party?"

Charlie nodded proudly. "Yeah, and I've got my custom-made Kingdom Key too. I knew this day would come, and I'd need it."

Dennis couldn't resist stirring the pot. "Oh, you mean the Halloween party where Charlie got blackout drunk and tried to challenge the pizza delivery man to a duel?"

Dee burst into laughter at the absurdity of the memory. "Yeah, I remember! He was convinced the pizza guy was Heartless in disguise."

Charlie blushed, a hint of embarrassment creeping onto his face. "Well, I couldn't let it threaten our territory, could I?"

Dennis joined in the fun. "And let's not forget Mac at that party. He grabbed a metal pole, claimed it was his 'Keyblade,' and started challenging everyone to a duel."

Frank chuckled, reminiscing about the wild night. "That was a wild night, indeed. Mac was swinging that pole around like a man possessed, and Charlie was trying to protect us from inanimate objects."

As the gang shared a laugh over the absurdity of their past adventures, they couldn't help but feel a strange sense of nostalgia and anticipation for the upcoming Comic Con event. With Frank's scheme and Charlie's Sora costume in play, it seemed like destiny had once again conspired to bring hilarity and chaos to Paddy's Pub.

Frank, with a mischievous glint in his eye, continued to build up his latest scheme. "This plan is foolproof, guys. I mean, think about it. Nerds and geeks from all around will be at that convention, looking for a place to kick back, enjoy themselves, and maybe even meet some like-minded folks. And that's where we come in."

He leaned in closer, emphasizing his point. "We'll charge them a fortune for entry, drinks, and all sorts of geeky memorabilia. Maybe we can throw in some karaoke also. It's a goldmine waiting to happen!"

Dee and Dennis exchanged skeptical glances, well aware of Frank's penchant for over-the-top and often bizarre money making schemes. They couldn't help but wonder how this one would pan out.

Charlie and Mac, however, were fully on board with Frank's vision. Their eyes sparkled with excitement, and they nodded in agreement.

Charlie chimed in, "Frank's right, guys! This is gonna be amazing. We can geek out, talk Kingdom Hearts, and make a ton of cash all at the same time!"

Mac added, "Plus, we'll finally get a chance to show off our costumes and 'Keyblades.' It's gonna be legendary!"

As the gang continued to discuss the plan, their enthusiasm grew, and the prospect of the upcoming Comic Con event took on a life of its own. With Frank's assurance that they were about to strike gold, Paddy's Pub was poised for yet another wild adventure, one that would soon intersect with the arrival of Terra, Aqua, and Ventus from another dimension.

Unbeknownst to them, the collision of their world with the fantastical realm of Kingdom Hearts was about to lead to a series of hilariously chaotic events that would forever change their lives and redefine the term "get rich quick" in the most absurd way possible.

***KINGDOM HEARTS UNIVERSE / MYSTERIOUS TOWER***

In the heart of the Kingdom Hearts Universe, amidst a vast and ever-shifting cosmos, stood the enigmatic Mysterious Tower. This towering edifice of magic and wisdom was a place where time and space intertwined, serving as a sanctuary for keyblade wielders and a hub of knowledge and power.

The Mysterious Tower was a marvel to behold, with its spiraling architecture that seemed to reach toward the very heavens. Nestled high above the clouds, it could only be accessed by those who possessed the means to traverse the mystical pathways that led to its lofty summit.

At its core, the tower housed the sage Yen Sid, a venerable figure known for his wisdom and mastery of the arcane arts. Yen Sid, whose name spelled backward read "Disney," was a keeper of secrets and a guardian of the balance between light and darkness. His chamber was a repository of ancient tomes, magical artifacts, and relics from worlds beyond imagination.

Surrounding the tower, the ethereal landscape was adorned with floating platforms, each a testament to the mysterious forces that governed this realm. These platforms were connected by shimmering bridges of light, and they served as both a training ground and a place of meditation for those who sought to harness the power of the keyblade.

The air was charged with magic, and the stars above sparkled like diamonds in an endless cosmic tapestry. It was a world where dreams and realities converged, where hearts and memories held the key to unlocking the mysteries of existence.

Inside the tower lay the Chamber of Yen Sid, a place where knowledge and magic intertwined, the powerful sage and former Keyblade Master sat upon a majestic throne-like chair. His chamber was a sanctuary of wisdom, a repository of ancient secrets, and a refuge for those who sought guidance in the ever-unfolding drama of the Kingdom Hearts Universe.

The chamber was illuminated by the soft, otherworldly glow of enchanted crystals that adorned its walls. Each crystal contained within it a swirling, luminous essence that whispered of forgotten legends and untold tales. The room seemed to breathe with a palpable magic, as if the very air was imbued with the accumulated knowledge of countless ages.

Yen Sid himself was a figure of immense presence and wisdom. His long, flowing beard and pointed hat gave him an air of venerable authority. His piercing blue eyes, however, held a youthful spark, hinting at the depths of his timeless knowledge.

As Terra, Aqua, and Ventus entered the chamber, they were keenly aware of the weight of the moment. This was a place where destinies were shaped, and where the boundaries between reality and fiction blurred. The Wayfinder Trio, with their unique connection to Sora and their own adventures in the Keyblade War, were ready to embark on a mission of great importance.

Terra, the stalwart and courageous of the trio, stood tall and resolute. His brown hair and piercing gaze spoke of his unwavering determination and inner strength. The memory of the battles he had fought and the darkness he had confronted were etched into his very being.

Aqua, the calm and composed master of magic, exuded an air of grace and elegance. Her flowing blue hair and serene countenance masked the fierce determination that burned within her. She had faced the depths of the Realm of Darkness and emerged unbroken, her resolve unshaken.

Ventus, the cheerful and adventurous spirit, brought a sense of youthful energy to the group. His spiky brown hair and bright blue eyes radiated a sense of curiosity and optimism. Ventus carried the memories of his time with Terra and Aqua, and his connection to Sora ran deep.

As the trio stood before Yen Sid, the sage regarded them with a knowing gaze. The fate of Sora, the mysteries of the realm of fiction, and the looming threat of the Heartless hung heavy in the air. Yen Sid knew that this mission would test their mettle, challenge their beliefs, and lead them on a journey that would transcend the boundaries of their own world.

"Thank you for coming," he began, his voice resonating with the weight of their purpose. "As you are aware, our dear friend Sora has vanished from our world, lost to a realm of fiction."

Terra, Aqua, and Ventus exchanged concerned glances, their hearts heavy with worry for their missing friend. Yen Sid continued, "Ansem the Wise has been delving into this perplexing matter. It began with his exploration of Kairi's memories, a task that has unearthed more questions than answers."

The chamber seemed to pulse with an otherworldly energy, as if the very essence of existence was in flux. Yen Sid's words hung in the air, inviting contemplation and inquiry.

"From the depths of Kairi's memories," Yen Sid continued, "Ansem the Wise has formulated a hypothesis—a theory that memory and heart possess a power that extends beyond reality, transcending the boundaries of our world and reaching into the realms of fiction."

Terra, Aqua, and Ventus exchanged puzzled glances, their minds racing to grasp the implications of such a theory. Yen Sid's cryptic revelation only deepened the mystery.

"The disappearance of Sora is a testament to the validity of Ansem's hypothesis," Yen Sid mused. "His heart, his very essence, has been ensnared by the threads of fiction, and we must now unravel this enigma to bring him home."

Questions swirled in the minds of the Wayfinder Trio—questions about the nature of memory and heart, the boundaries of reality and fiction, and the true significance of Sora's role in this cosmic drama.

Yen Sid paused, allowing the weight of their predicament to sink in. "I task you, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus, with seeking out Sora in this realm of fiction. But be wary, for the Heartless have become embroiled in this matter as well, posing a threat not only to Sora but to the very balance of our universe."

Terra stepped forward, his voice respectful yet laden with uncertainty. "Master, can you shed more light on how Kairi's memories led to Sora's disappearance? And what does it mean for us to enter this realm of fiction? Will we too become stories?"

Master Yen Sid's response carried a sense of foreboding. "Kairi's memories are a window into the interconnected tapestry of hearts and worlds. Sora's heart, in its quest to save others, became entangled in the memories of those he encountered. As for your entry into this realm of fiction, it is a path fraught with uncertainty. The very nature of this journey may blur the lines between reality and story, and you may find yourselves becoming characters in the tales you seek."

Aqua, always inquisitive, sought further clarification. "What role do the Heartless play in this mysterious predicament? Are they simply malevolent forces, or do they too have a connection to the realm of fiction?"

Master Yen Sid's response deepened the enigma. "The Heartless are both a manifestation of darkness and a reflection of the conflicts that shape the many worlds. In this case, they have become intertwined with the very essence of fiction, drawn to its unrestrained chaos. Their presence poses a dual threat—to Sora's existence and to the equilibrium of our universe."

Ventus, with his unyielding optimism, posed his own question. "Master Yen Sid, what is our hope of success in this endeavor? How can we bring Sora back from a realm so shrouded in uncertainty?"

Master Yen Sid's answer was laden with gravitas. "Hope lies in your hearts and your bonds with Sora. Trust in your own strength and the power of the keyblade. But remember, the path ahead is treacherous, and the boundaries of reality are ever-shifting. You must tread carefully and be prepared to face not only the Heartless but the unpredictable nature of fiction itself."

As Terra, Aqua, and Ventus exchanged glances, the Chamber of Yen Sid seemed to hum with an unspoken challenge. The quest to find Sora had become a labyrinth of mysteries and contradictions, a quintessential Kingdom Hearts journey where answers were elusive and the path ahead was shrouded in darkness.

Yen Sid's gaze remained unwavering as Aqua voiced their next concern. "Master Yen Sid, how do we even begin to travel to this dimension where Sora is trapped? It sounds like an entirely different realm."

With a flick of his hand, Yen Sid summoned three bracelets, each radiating with an ethereal glow. They appeared as if by magic on the table in front of them, their intricate designs evoking a sense of ancient power.

"These bracelets," Yen Sid explained, "are the key to your journey. They are attuned to the bonds between you and Sora, as well as to the memories and hearts that connect you. When worn, they will allow you to traverse the boundaries between the real world and the realm of fiction.".

With a shared determination burning in their hearts, Aqua, Terra, and Ventus each reached for a bracelet, slipping it onto their wrists. The moment the cool metal made contact with their skin, they felt an unmistakable resonance, as if the bracelets were attuned to the very beat of their hearts. They exchanged determined glances, ready to embark on their perilous journey.

Aqua, her voice unwavering, spoke first. "Sora, we may not know the full extent of the challenges we'll face, but our friendship and the strength of our hearts will guide us. We will find you, no matter where your heart has been scattered."

Terra, his resolve as unshakeable as ever, added, "Our hearts are our compass. No darkness, no fiction, can extinguish the light of our bonds."

Ventus, the eternal optimist, chimed in, "We're in this together, Sora, and we won't rest until we've brought you home. Our hearts are connected, and that connection is our strength."

Master Yen Sid nodded in approval, acknowledging their unwavering determination.

"Your resolve is admirable. Now, to operate the bracelets, focus on your intent, your desire to reach Sora. Picture the realm of fiction in your minds, and let your hearts guide you. The bracelets will respond to your thoughts, and you will find yourselves crossing the threshold between worlds."

As Aqua, Terra, and Ventus closed their eyes and focused on their intent, the bracelets they wore began to radiate with a soft, pulsating light. The chamber around them seemed to blur and shift, as if reality itself was bending to their will. The bracelets responded to the unwavering strength of their hearts, resonating with the bonds of friendship that bound them together.

The glow from the bracelets intensified, bathing the chamber in an otherworldly luminescence. It was as if the very essence of their determination had manifested in this ethereal light, creating a bridge between worlds. The room itself began to transform, its once-solid walls becoming fluid and ever-changing.

Before their eyes, a swirling vortex of colors and patterns materialized, hovering just beyond the reach of their fingertips. It was a gateway to the unknown, a portal to the realm of fiction where Sora was lost. The shimmering energies of the portal beckoned them, inviting them to step into the heart of the mystery.

With unwavering resolve, Aqua, Terra, and Ventus took a collective step forward, crossing the threshold between worlds. Their forms vanished into the swirling vortex, leaving the Chamber of Yen Sid behind.

Master Yen Sid watched them go, his expression a mix of pride and concern. As they disappeared into the unknown, he spoke softly, his words carrying a weight of both guidance and hope. "Good luck, Wayfinder Trio. Let your hearts be your guiding key in the realm of fiction."

And with those words of encouragement, Aqua, Terra, and Ventus embarked on their extraordinary journey, ready to face the challenges, revelations, and absurdities that awaited them in the world of fiction, all in pursuit of their missing friend, Sora.