A/N: This is a dark humor piece – it's intentionally over-the-top macabre at times (...most of the time). I understand that's not everyone's jam so I want to warn y'all up front! ! I might write some fluffy TVD stories, but this is not one of them – it does, however, get a happy ending. A slight AU roughly set in the beginning of Season 3, in which Stefan has more adventures with Klaus and the ritual timeline is different. Without further ado!
"What is this, a therapy box for ants?"
At the confused (and annoyed) look from Caroline, Damon scoffed. "Never seen Zoolander? Kids these days."
They continued to stare at the box Caroline had explained to them, having rushed back from her solo trip to Duke.
Designed for therapy, the box used the combined consciousness of all the participants to generate a realistic simulation, allowing them to work through their issues. Or, in this case, Stefan's issues. Stefan was on a break from his latest bender with Klaus, this time determined to help Klaus complete the ritual with Elena so he could make his hybrids. Bonnie was still warding the door against the pack of desperate werewolves fleeing from Stefan and Klaus, knowing that their only salvation lay in capturing Elena no matter the cost in other lives.
Elena's hands were cupped around a saucer-sized silver coin, an inhuman face shining up at her. Reptilian eyes set in a ram's face, wearing a solemn expression. Despite the horns and slit pupils, she imagined the creature looked kind. Maybe that was just wishful thinking.
"What are we waiting for? We have to figure out how to use this Gabriel-thingy before Stefan gets here and goes all Ripper on us. Again." said Caroline.
"It's called a gavriel, Care" Bonnie corrected. She gave her friends all a determined look, one hand resting on the box. "Are you guys ready? We probably won't get this on the first try, but time passes much more quickly in there so we have more than a few chances. Remember, we can't just use it to stop this chase - that will only buy us a day or two at most - and it doesn't have enough power to kill an Original."
"Let's do this, Bonster" Damon replied with a wink.
I wish Stefan wasn't a vampire
Stefan slid to the floor, the broken table leg in his heart, head spinning after what felt like half the bookshelf had landed on his head. Did this count as dying as a human? He had refused to drink his father's blood, and now they both lay dying. It wasn't too late. Damon…Damon might be waiting for him. Stefan pulled himself across the floor, moonlight spilling across his face as he grew ever closer to his hysterically rambling father. Just before he reached Giuseppe, the damaged bookshelf decided it couldn't hang on any longer, and the rest came tumbling down on the two men.
"I'm…sorry…"
x.X.x
"What the hell was that?!" Damon exclaimed. His shocked, disoriented friends were silent for a moment.
"I – I guess we don't get to specify how the wish is fulfilled..." Elena trailed off, brown eyes wide. This was worse than a genie: they only had one wish to work with. She looked nervously at each of her friends before taking a deep breath. "Right, not on the first try, just as we thought. Again."
x.X.x
I wish Stefan turned back into a human
Stefan howled mockingly as the frantic wolves entered the labyrinthine passages, following his friends' trail. Not long now until they could put this tedious hunt behind them and get back to having a little fun. He jumped down from his perch and started after them at an easy jog. Man, life was easier without the bunny diet. But just as he thought that, his vision blurred. He stumbled and barely caught himself against the wall. Why couldn't he hear the wolves' harsh whispers anymore? When did he get so out of breath? He could still see right in front of him well enough.
Stefan ran his hands through his coppery brown hair, scowling as something stuck to his hand. Did he get cave dirt stuck in his hair? Stefan stared down at his hand with its tuft of short grey hairs, uncomprehending.
His shaking hand. His shaking, stick-thin, wrinkled hand.
His vision seemed to worsen further. Did he dare to call out for...
Klaus. He was with Klaus, and he was hunting Elena, after spending weeks in Chicago partying with Klaus. He had set werewolves loose on Damon and Caroline.
A sharp pain stabbed in his back, in his knees, and finally in his heart. Stefan cried out and clutched his now-emaciated chest, feeling the ribs through his thin shirt. The phrase "sudden cardiac arrest" flitted through his mind before he thought nothing more at all.
x.X.x
"Okay, I'm going to try a different route," Elena said with a firmness she didn't feel.
x.X.x
I wish Stefan's humanity turned back on
"What's your name?" Stefan asked, grinning as he threw a carefree arm over the back of the booth. Jazz swirled in the music around them in the throwback speakeasy. The woman across from him smiled shyly, tucking her wavy blond hair behind her ear. "Samantha." At Stefan's raised eyebrow, she elaborated. "Samantha Bridges"
"What a beautiful name, Samantha." Stefan said, throwing a wry glance at his friend. Klaus raised his tumbler in a toast before turning back to his own entertainment.
Just as his fangs sunk into Samantha's pale neck, Stefan stiffened. How had he let things get so far? What was he doing? How could he–
Ecstasy. Life. Joy. Bliss.
Time stood still yet rushed by. Each drop of blood was an eternity, and yet never enough. His eyes, rimmed in red and veined with black, stared unseeing at a world framed by golden strands. His fingers convulsed, trying to bring his salvation, his entire world, closer.
Snap.
And like that, it was over. Her heart no longer beat, her once-beautiful neck a ruin. Stefan's back heaved with the force of his gasps, as though he could drown on dry land.
"I have to fix it," he whined. "No, no no, it won't go back," he mumbled, trying to right her head. After another whimper, Klaus finally looked over.
"You alright there, mate? Got a little too excited, eh?"
Stefan stiffened. Klaus couldn't know anything was wrong, or he would compel his humanity right back off again. How had it even turned back on? Had he – no, no time for hypothesizing. A thin trickle of blood ran down the bare shoulder blade of Klaus's companion. The sight hypnotized him, and he gave in to the urge. After all, Klaus was watching.
x.X.x
I wish Stefan's humanity turned back on at a time when he was alone
Stefan hummed, swirling his drink in his left hand as he wrote with his right. Samantha Bridges. Another night, another name.
Suddenly, he froze, snapping the black charcoal in half. His wall of triumph turned to a wall of tragedy. The names he would never let himself forget. The sudden surge of empathy and guilt pinned him in place. He didn't know how long he stood, frozen with unshed tears in his eyes, too paralyzed to even cry.
His cellphone rang. Klaus. Klaus, looking for his drinking buddy. Stefan was doing this for his friends. For Elena. For their safety. He had no choice. Hardening his expression, Stefan mentally reached for that switch again. It was better this way.
x.X.x
I wish Stefan was happy
"What's your name?" Stefan asked, grinning as he threw a carefree arm over the back of the booth. Jazz swirled in the music around them in the throwback speakeasy. The woman across from him smiled shyly, tucking her wavy blond hair behind her ear. "Samantha." At Stefan's raised eyebrow, she elaborated. "Samantha Bridges."
Bridges…what a great name for his opening act. Stefan could see it now: the tableau vivant – or, he supposed, a tableau apathique – wait, no, a tableau de corps! He would build a bridge from his old, boring life to his new one, and paint it scarlet with the blood of his…collaborators, one might call them. And of course he would credit them: why should he limit himself to a hidden-away-wall when he could create a startling statement piece and set the tone for his masterpiece?
Biting his lip to keep his grin from growing too wide, he returned his thoughts to his first unwitting model-to-be.
x.X.x
"No!" Elena's scream rang out in the room, crashing against the sound of the dropped coin as it came to a stop on the group. Bonnie looked at her friend with wide eyes. The visions were so vivid. Could they trust them? Were they really this screwed?
Damon's eyes darted between Elena's horrified expression and the coin before he swiped it off the floor in one smooth motion.
"I've got this."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Wow, my first story in years. Biiiig shoutout to CosmicAdventurer for being an inspiration, a sounding board, and for pushing me to finally start writing again. I love her TVD stories and her insights into characters, both serious ans silly -- like the idea that no-humanity Stefan sees himself as an artist!
This isn't a crossover, but the inspiration for their wishing coin came from the book "Daughter of Smoke and Bone" by Laini Taylor, and the creator of the wish, Brimstone, is the chimera featured on the coin.
I am planning for a total of three chapters, so this is on the short side.
