Geonosis was a very long experience.

The battle itself had been swift, though intense. Even when Ahsoka was buried under the rubble of the destroyed droid factory for almost an hour, it only felt like a few minutes.

It didn't even feel like she or Barriss had a wink of sleep before they were deployed on a medical frigate that was unknowingly infected with brain-invading parasite worms.

Defending herself against the infected clones and a blood-thirsty Barriss felt rather blurry when she tried to look back on it. Master Fisto explained that it was expected considering the state she was in when he found her.

It was only when Ahsoka woke up in a medcot, freezing cold, that time seemed to slow down.

The medical staff were very strict that she could only be discharged once her core temperature returned to normal, and that took three days alone.

However, it did give her an excuse to have hot chocolate multiple times a day.

Then, as she was collecting her things to leave for the Resolute, Ahsoka felt like she'd run out of oxygen and fainted right into Anakin's arms.

It became apparent that the hypothermia had caused her to have an abnormal heart rhythm which caused everyone to panic and she was immediately transported to the Halls of Healing to be monitored.

This made Anakin particularly unbearable, he almost saw red when Master Che explained that the arrhythmia might last the rest of her life. Ahsoka was too exhausted to care at that moment.

So, as Barriss was discharged and had returned to all her normal activities, Ahsoka was stuck in bed and subject to tests at every time of day and night.

Anakin stayed as much as he could, and she had other visitors which she appreciated, but she remained painfully bored for the whole week.

When Master Che permitted her to return to her quarters, she could've cried.

In reality, the following weeks were torturous.

Anakin hovered, refused to let her train, and even sent Obi-Wan to babysit her when he was absent. Otherwise, he only left her side when she was in classes.

She supposed her Master was only in overprotective mode because she had suffered more near-death experiences in one week, than in her whole life.

His eyes watched her stand from the sofa, though she doubted he was actually reading from the datapad in his hand.

"I'm going to bed," she said, to which he nodded and began to put away his things. "You don't have to go too."

"I'm pretty tired," he said, brushing her off. "Too many late nights."

Too many late nights worrying.

He wasn't lying. Everyone could tell that Anakin was suffering. Whilst she was in the medbay, he refused to leave even to shower and change his clothes. It took Obi-Wan four days to convince him to shave.

They headed into their respective rooms, though Anakin had started leaving his door open in the night- just in case.

Despite the exhaustion of her body and mind, Ahsoka was finding it difficult to sleep. She hadn't told anyone, out of fear they would prescribe her pills that would leave her groggy and unable to remain alert.

For now, she was just coping with the insomnia, the relentless nights stretching before her like unexplored areas of the galaxy.

Sleep had become an elusive phantom that danced at the edge of her consciousness, just out of reach, leaving her to organise and sore the inky depths of her thoughts, questioning if she could've done anything differently.

She knew that she'd done all she could.

And yet, it didn't bring her any closure.

She saw a Mind Healer for a few sessions because Anakin thought she needed someone to speak to. There wasn't much that Ahsoka had to say.

How did she explain that her friend begged to be killed?

That the clones who she had been taught to trust had tried to slaughter her?

That the same clones were facing court martials for their actions whilst Barriss was excused?

Ahsoka rolled onto her side, pulling the sheet up to her neck as if that could protect her from the cold, or simply the fear that something would come to get her in the night.

Ever since she'd left the medbay, she'd get chills that could last for hours. Master Che had gently explained that it was likely a psychological response, as the tests came back normal for anything else.

As if she needed any more problems to add to the list...

She must've drifted off eventually, as the next thing she was aware of was seeing Barriss' face with the worm sliding into her nose. Her friend was smiling at her, tugging on her arm excitedly as she talked about one of her classes, but the worm was still there.

It wasn't Barriss, at least it wasn't the real Barriss Offee.

Then, they were in the cockpit, frost on every surface. Ahsoka couldn't feel her fingers as she tried to hold Barriss close to her chest. She could see the worm on the floor, cut in half.

"It's over," she whispered to Barriss, her teeth chattering, "It's over. You can wake up."

She shook her friend.

Barriss didn't move.

Worried, Ahsoka rolled her onto the floor to look at her. Barriss' eyes were closed, her chest still. She should've woken up by now.

"Barriss?" Ahsoka's voice cracked as she shook her harder. "Barriss, wake up."

She wasn't fast enough, she wasn't strong enough to save her.

Ahsoka felt tears fall from her eyes, but they quickly froze against her cheeks. Her limbs were numb as she shook Barriss from side to side.

The Mirialan made a noise, and hope soared in Ahsoka's chest.

Maybe she wasn't too late.

"Barriss?" Ahsoka asked gently, "Are you there?"

Her eyes opened slowly, but instead of blue, Ahsoka only saw an unsettling, vacant white. Her gaze seemed to stretch into the abyss, void of any recognition or emotion, and a shiver racked through Ahsoka's body.

Barriss suddenly launched forward, her mouth wide open and the worm snaking out before Ahsoka could even react.

This wasn't her friend, this was a monster.

A scream was stuck in her throat as she jolted upright in bed, her pulse racing like a spooked bantha. Her skin was clammy from sweat, though the biting chill penetrated all the way into her bones.

Ahsoka panted, her legs twisted in the sheets like someone was physically holding her down. She checked the time, seeing it was the middle of the night, and only then did she notice Anakin in her doorway.

"Snips, you okay?"

She looked at her mentor. Anakin was just in a pair of sleep shorts, clearly having woken up suddenly by her nightmare.

Ahsoka wondered how loud she must've screamed, or if the panic had just been subconsciously projected across their bond.

"Ahsoka,"

She hadn't seen Anakin approach, and now he was sitting at the end of her bed. His usually confident front had been replaced with concern, particularly evident in the lines across his forehead. They tended to appear whenever he was stressed.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He asked, and she could only stare at him. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you feeling alright?"

His words hung in the air, and Ahsoka didn't have the words to respond.

All she could think about was how he'd sat at the end of her bed when she woke up after almost freezing to death, or how he'd pulled her out of the rubble of a droid factory with a cocky smile, stating that he never lost faith in her.

He edged closer, reaching out a hand.

Ahsoka looked at his face, at the worm exiting one nostril and going into the other. His eyes were still blue, not vacant like Barriss', but he was clearly infected.

"M-Master," her hands were trembling.

She knew what she had to do.

Her voice cracked, "I'm sorry."

Anakin frowned, not having time to connect the dots before Ahsoka sprung forward.

She hit his head first, landing fists on his skull and face to hopefully kill the parasite before it turned him into a mindless killing machine.

Each hit was a prayer that he could be saved. Her fists were weapons of desperation, and she assured herself that she was harming him out of love more than anything else.

Catching him off balance, Ahsoka managed to knock him off the bed and pin him to the floor, never once stopping the assault. His head hit the hard floor with a mighty clack, but the noise didn't even make her hesitate.

"Ahsoka, stop!" Anakin shouted, trying to use his hands to block her hits. She felt her knuckles come away wet when she hit his temple, but she didn't relent- not even when she realised he was bleeding.

Pure adrenaline was fuelling her attack.

It wasn't anger, it was fear.

She couldn't stop- couldn't afford to. Not with Anakin's life on the line.

A sudden blow from the Force threw her into the air, her back hitting the wall before she fell into a crouch. She watched Anakin stagger to his feet, blood staining his face as he looked at her.

Anakin didn't often appear out of control. He always seemed composed, even in his more erratic moods.

But right there, he looked like an animal that had been caught in headlights.

"Easy, Snips," he warned as she fell into a defensive position, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're infected," she spat with venom. "I've got to kill it."

She had to kill him.

Anakin looked confused, but he quickly shook his head. "I'm not infected, I promise."

He was a liar.

Ahsoka snarled.

It felt like her heart was racing too fast, like she couldn't get enough air. And she still felt kriffing cold.

Anakin was speaking rapidly into his commlink, begging for someone to come and help. Ahsoka couldn't hear what the other person was saying, she could only focus on what needed to be done.

She began to look around for some sort of weapon. She needed to kill the parasite, and to do that, she needed to kill the host.

Her eyes landed on her lightsaber, and Anakin pieced together her intentions.

"Ahsoka, no-"

She pulled the lightsaber to her hand, ignited it, and drove it towards her beloved teacher.

This was the weapon that Anakin had refined her form with. He'd eventually given up on encouraging her to use a more traditional grip, and had only just expressed how proficient she'd become with the reverse hold.

And now, with the same weapon, she was turning it on him.

Instead of defending himself from her impending strike, Anakin surged forward with lightning speed and twisted her hand. They were inches apart, the heat of the blade burning the fibers of her nightshirt and searing his bare skin.

"Stand down," Anakin ordered, his voice full of authority. "Now."

Ahsoka swallowed hard. His grip on her hand was painfully tight, she could feel her bones and tendons protesting the position. The blade was buzzing near her montrals, she couldn't feel her heart beating at all.

She looked at her teacher. He was staring down at her, the green glow reflecting in his eyes. There was a cut on his temple, courtesy of her attack, which was steadily bleeding down his face.

She did this.

She was the monster that she was so afraid of.

"Ahsoka," Anakin said, his voice clipped and also full of worry. "Let go of the lightsaber."

It took all of her willpower, but she managed to force her fingers to cooperate and follow the order. When Anakin saw her trying, he loosened his grip just enough for her to release the weapon.

The second it was no longer in her white-knuckled grasp, Anakin deactivated the blade. They were left in darkness, the only sound being their heavy breaths. She could only see his eyes glinting in the light from the window.

In that moment of quiet, Ahsoka processed what she had almost done.

It left her feeling nauseous.

"Okay," Anakin sighed, taking the lightsaber and tossing it onto the bed. He kept a firm grip around her wrists with his metal hand, almost pinching. "Good girl. Thank you."

Ahsoka let her knees give way, falling against his chest. She gasped for breath like a fish on land, her entire body trembling.

"Alright, Snips, it's alright. It's over," Anakin soothed, rubbing her back. She let herself cry into his bare chest, though it soon became sobs. "Hang on a second."

Wrapping an arm around her waist, Anakin lifted her so he could sit on the edge of the bed with her in his lap. It was incredibly childlike and patronising, but Ahsoka couldn't have cared less as she curled around his body.

Distantly, she was aware of him tucking her legs between his, and securing one arm around her back. He was actively restraining her, probably terrified that she might try to lash out again.

"I'm sorry," she managed through sobs, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shushhh," Anakin rubbed her back lek, "You're forgiven, it's alright. I'm just going to hold you like this until Obi-Wan gets here, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured into his shoulder, exhaustion tugging at her mind after the emotional strain.

She was only vaguely aware that Anakin was also shaking, grappling with the aftermath of the harrowing experience. The fact that he was able to hold her and provide comfort was a testament to his abilities as a teacher, but also as a friend.

In that moment, they were able to find comfort in the simple act of being together.

Holding her close, Anakin began to hum.

It wasn't a particular rhythm or song, but it was steady and provided something to focus on. Ahsoka tried to hum along, despite her weak voice, allowing herself to be distracted by the vibration of his chest against her skin.

The gentle humming became a comforting beacon, an anchor for her to cling to as she organised her thoughts. Anakin slowly rocked her in time, soothing her more than words could at that moment.

"There you are," he said after a minute, "Good girl, deep breaths."

She pulled back from the embrace, just to look at his face. She saw his eyes were glassy as she dabbed the blood on his face, "I hurt you."

He took her hand, enclosing it in his fist and kissing her bruised knuckles. "It's alright, I can take a beating."

She laughed, but it was snotty and nothing was actually funny. "Thought you were one of them."

"I'm not," he opened his mouth wide, just to prove it. "No parasites here, I promise."

She tucked her face into his neck, closing her eyes tight when she remembered just how set she was on killing Anakin with her own lightsaber. It could've gone so badly had he not reacted in time.

She murmured into his neck, and Anakin shifted, "What was that?"

She tightened her grip around him, "Could've killed you."

"You'll have to try better than that, Snips," He joked, though she could tell he was putting up a front. "I'm here for the long run. Somebody's got to keep you out of trouble."

More tears leaked past her lashes, "I don't want you to die."

"Hey," he nudged her, "I'm not the one who got buried under a droid factory, was almost murdered by mind-altered clones, developed hypothermia, and then got diagnosed with a heart condition all in one week."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Worrying's part of the job description, Ahsoka," he said, slightly serious. "Obi-Wan's here now, alright?"

As if on cue, she heard the steady footsteps of her Grandmaster nearing her room. In their shared vulnerability, they must've looked a state, but Obi-Wan's sigh was one of concern rather than frustration.

Though the humiliation of the episode was beginning to sink in, Ahsoka couldn't deny how loved she felt with both of her Masters there.

"What happened here?"

"Bad dream," Anakin replied, "Her saber's on the bed."

"I see." Obi-Wan came closer, and in her peripheral, Ahsoka saw him attach her lightsaber to his belt, "What first? Halls, or tea?"

"Tea," Ahsoka murmured, and Anakin laughed.

"A cup of tea would be very much appreciated." Her Master agreed.