Gimme Gimme Gimme
For the Haphne 2022 winter collection.
From a late night Harry/Daphne discord discussion of ABBA song lyrics as prompts.
Breaking up is surprisingly easy to do as a preface
Harry Potter, young Auror on the graveyard shift in the "Breaking up is surprisingly easy to do." multiverse. A mystery, a pretty emergency caller, tea, jammy dodgers and eventually, salad. Based wholly off the "Why don't we use ABBA song lyrics as story prompts discussion" over on Discord.
Harry Potter was bored. He scrunched up parchment and made balls to throw into the bin.
Which, he had to admit he missed a lot of the shots he took.
He looked up at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning. He'd been insistent with Kingsley and Robards – no special treatment, well apart from the whole being an Auror thing.
Harry threw parchment balls into the rubbish bin over and over – summoning them back was easy, that was just magic he'd known since he was fourteen, and wondered when he should have another cup of coffee. It tasted foul, but he didn't feel sleepy, even though he had 'The graveyard shift.'
When he'd heard that he was getting the graveyard shift, he'd sorted through the Blacks' old books and read, well skimmed all the books on undead and spells. He'd skipped the spells for creating inferii – that seemed ridiculously, well, dark, and concentrated on Defence. His passion, after all. Especially as Red-haired witches with beautiful smiles and freckles and….
Harry put his face in his hands. It was not his fault. Ginny just had trust issues from Tom, from the Horcrux. And he sighed, he could have managed that conversation better. He was just so out of practice at talking about important things with Ginny, they'd always talked quidditch, and silly stuff , and… and snogged. Harry sighed again. Cho and Ginny, two of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts, he'd dated both of them, and both relationships had imploded, caught fire, then got sucked through the veil of death.
Harry looked up. It was nearly one.
The fireplace flared green, and Harry leapt to his feet, and dashed to it, knee-sliding to the flames.
"Auror Office Aurors!" cried a frightened woman.
Harry stuck his head in the fire.
"Auror office" said Harry.
"Oh thank god. There's something in my flat. It's a black shadowy … something and it tried to eat me." said the floo-caller.
"Step back" said Harry – there were a few things it could be, and he was Harry Potter – he'd been fighting off mysterious black somethings since he was eleven.
Harry stood up, got out his wand, took a deep breath and jumped and rolled into a ball.
The floo network spun him around crazily, he lurched in the green flame past grate after grate, finally coming out a small wrought iron one – several feet of the ground. Harry mentally treated it as quidditch, rolled in the air, and landed with a thud, and sprang to his feet.
A small kitchen, dimly lit, and he'd missed the furniture completely. Success had never tasted so sweet. Some bruising, but still, it probably had looked really cool.
He exhaled to blow soot off his face
"Merlin's balls!" exclaimed the rooms only occupant, a woman in a dressing gown with her hair wrapped up in a lumpy cloth.
"Where's the problem" said Harry.
"In... in my room" said the woman, who wasn't that old, and Harry felt her pale face and blue eyes were typical of lots of British magicals.
Harry cast a quite silent, thank you, human presence revealing charm, and felt his wand thrum, there was someone just behind him, but… inside this room, … several yards off to the right, and up and to the left…. Probably nobody in the flat.
"Nobody else should be here, right?" asked Harry.
"n. no. I just moved in" she said. "I checked for boggarts when I did."
Scratch or at least drop the chance of that. Nonhuman, not boggart, dark, tried to eat her. Or suck out her soul, Harry reminded himself.
He sniffed. No obvious odour except for pot noodles.
"What?"
"No scent signs" said Harry, and he stepped out of the kitchen. There was a hallway beside a staircase, and a cupboard under the stairs. Harry ignored it. It's nothing to do with me, I'm Harry Potter ,the man who own, I don't live in a cupboard, I don't live in there.'
He got to the stairs and fired off another person revealing spell, up the stairs, this time verbally – the occupant had followed him. 'Hominum revelio'. Nothing human-ish up there.
Harry fired off a spell to detect common undead spell silently – the incantation had some worrying words and the lady was clearly nervous. His wand didn't even twitch.
"Right" said Harry "It's not human or undead, we'll say not a boggart."
"I got an E in Defence when we did Boggarts" said the woman. Harry nodded reassuringly , keeping his eyes peeled and looking up, where the threat was. Something about that tingled in his memory.
Harry climbed the stairs slows, putting his Auror boots on the treads slowly and sticking to the less squeaky sides. The flat wasn't derelict but it wasn't a luxury mansion. Whoever the woman was she wasn't splashing money around. Her voice wasn't, well, poor though. It was actually posh, and she sounded pretty – which was a silly thing to think, thought Harry, And you're at work.
Harry got to the top of the stairs, there were three doors.
"Left" said the woman from halfway up the stairs. She must be in slippers, didn't hear her feet.
Harry felt a prickle of paranoia. He reversed his wand and cast a quick detection spell behind him. She had, probably a wand, Harry cast another detection spell. Human, female. His paranoia subsided a little, and he flicked through the movements of a duelling shield, and holding his wand ready, prepared to do a door breach… well, entry. Harry suspected this was a rental, so kicking the door in might be unappreciated.
Harry opened the door with his off-hand. The faint scent of perfume rolled out. Harry sniffed. Smelt floral and a bit pricey – not like the scents what the Gryffindor girls had started using in third year. Not like Ginny, who'd used something her mum made form wildflowers.
Harry pushed the door open, and it stopped mostly open against something soft. Probably clothes.
The room was dark, except for faint light coming in through the partly open curtains of the one decent-sized window. A bed was to Harry's right, and that oblong was a closet, partly open. Harry waited in silence. His eyes adapted more to the light, and he could see a bedside table, one on either side of the probably queen-sized bed, rumpled covers, pile of pillows.
Harry looked around the room. Nothing to see yet.
He looked up. The ceiling was in the shade of the swag on the curtain. Dark, high.
Harry smelt something rank, like the breath of a dog.
He jabbed his wand up, thought of Christmas with Ron and Hermione at Hogwarts, and cast a patronus. "Expecto Patrounum!" he cried out.
Prongs almost lunged out his wand, the silvery smoke filling the room, and the … dark wavering blanket-like thing on the ceiling gave a high-pitched squeal and cowered into the corner.
Harry felt quite pleased. A lethifold.
"You can come up and see, it's safe enough right now" said Harry, He felt, as much as heard the woman pad up the last few stairs, across the short landing ,and peer around him.
"A glowing stag?" she asked, sounding confused. "It was dark"
"On the ceiling, in the corner. A lethifold" said Harry "Must have escaped from a collection – they're not native to the UK."
"Is it... dangerous?"
"Well it would eat you… eventually" said Harry "It's stuck there, the stag's just a patronus charm. I'll stun it – "
A red stunner shot past Harry and hit the cowering lethifold nearly dead centre and it screeched.
"Hit it again – the nerve bundles on the periphery are spread out" said Harry calmly.
His wand-happy caller fired off an even beefier stunner, and the lethifold lost it's grip on the ceiling and fell to the floor.
"Of god – you said it'd eat me?" said the woman. Harry cast a capture curse, and bound it in thin, tight black ropes, that should work, despite the lethifolds' relatively amorphous shape.
"They um, ambush, envelop and consume. Though I have read that they normally eat animals, so it's not feed again for months if it ate you" said Harry.
"How reassuring" said the woman, casting a lighting charm on the ceiling lamp.
The bedroom lit up with soft white light. The bed was messed up, and there was a book on the bedside table, a glass of water spilled on the floor, and women's clothes on the floor over by the cupboard door, robe sleeves hung out of it.
Harry tried not to look at her underwear or socks on the floor.
"What now" asked the woman.
Harry turned. The woman was peering past him, and the light glinted off her blue eyes, and lit her face. A longer-than-average nose, and a mouth pressed shut, pale pink lips.
"Um, is it safe?" she asked.
"Till DRCMC come and take it away" said Harry.
"Oh. So a wait till office hours then?" she asked. She seemed vaguely familiar.
"Nah, I'll get a callout" said Harry He knew just the witch.
He turned back into the room and cast another patrounus, and prongs leapt out and went over and jabbed the lethifold with his antlers.
Harry twisted his wand and concentrated, and prongs turned and trotted over. The deer's face showed no emotion, but Harry sensed his patronus just wanted to give the lethifold a good pronging.
"Prongs, Hermione Granger. DRCMC callout -lethifold in"
Harry turned"Where are we?"
"Royston Veysey" said the woman. "You can't possibly call her she's – "
Harry turned "Royston Veysey, Auror connection code Blackjack Unicorn "
Harry looked at the parchment in his pocket. "Forty four".
"That's not my floo address" protested the woman.
Harry turned "Your floo's still connected to ours- this the code to connect onto the connection."
"Oh. Isn't that secret?"
"It changes every shift" said Harry, and he got out his issue notebook, and pulled out the pencil.
He wrote out notes while talking "So… callout, dark being, lethifold, to Royston Veysey, flat of a "
"Daphne Greengrass" said – well Daphne Greengrass. Harry looked up.
"Ha – Harry Potter!" said Daphne Greengrass, staring at him with her mouth open.
"Well yes, I'm Auror on duty." said Harry ,looking back at his notes and trying not to grin. 'I'm just an Auror, miss,' he thought to himself.
"Royston Veysey – Cumberland square, number four A" said Daphne Greengrass. Harry felt sure he'd heard her name. And she did seem faintly familiar. Still, he'd met tons of people, mostly after the war.
"Floo address?"
"Green flat one" said Daphne Greengrass hesitantly. Harry wrote it down. He looked up.
"Just got the floo on, lucky for me" she smiled weakly.
"Well, if you'd run out the front door, and shut it, limited risk it'd folllow you. Though it could break the window so… yeah. Flooing us was good call."
"That patronus charm" said Greengrass "It's advanced isn't it?"
"I learnt it for Dementors, but yeah, works on lethifolds too" said Harry .
"I hate those things, I spent a year having nightmares" said Daphne Greengrass.
It all came back to Harry. Snape calling the register in Potions. 'Daphne Greengrass' had been on the list, sat on the right next to the um, cute one with the bubbly personality that wore a woolly hat out of class. She'd been in his bloody year, in Slytherin.
"Yeah, we all hated it" said Harry, looking up from the list he'd just finished by adding 'DRCMC called to take away.' "Luckily for me my boggart was a Dementor, so Professor Lupin could teach me the charm with just a boggart." said Harry.
Daphne Greengrass's eyes widened. Big blue eyes. She licked her lips "That's not lucky." she said.
"Well, saved my life twice, and my cousin's" said Harry, and he smiled reassuringly. "Now, how about I cover you, and you um… can go in your room?"
"Nnno" said Daphne Greengrass "Not till it's gone. It tried to Eat Me" she said. "And it's not dead."
"Well, that's … DRCMC pitch a fit if we do that" said Harry "Don't worry – Hermione's going to be quick and your room will be yours again."
Daphne Greengrass exhaled "I just moved in."
"Well that's consistent with being attacked by a lethifold. If it had been nesting here" said Harry.
"Where would it nest?"
"Attic" said Harry "Is the hatch secure?"
"I… I honestly don't know. I think it's in the bathroom" said Greengrass and she pushed open a door that was ajar and lit another light and went in. There were rustling sounds, and she said "Um, it's open?"
Harry stepped into a small bathroom, that already had a person in it. A small bath had a shower, and a shower-curtain, a sink, and a towel rail. A fluffy green towel hung on it. The ceiling had a trapdoor, which was open.
"Right" said Harry, "Just step out – I'll check up there"
"Oh right "said Greengrass, and she squeezed past him. She smelt like perfume, like… wet hair, and a little bit of sweat. Harry tried to be businesslike Auror, and conjured a stepladder, and went up wand out.
A second Patrounus lit the attic, and Prongs trotted about. There were some old trunks, open, and Harry climbed up further, and leaned it. The open trunk smelt like wet dog, and there was some black fur. Harry got up to the top of the ladder, leaned in further to look into the other trunks – empty but with a few bones and what looked like really big owl pellets.
"It had a nest!" Harry called out.
"Oh gosh" said Greengrass. "Mmmm" she added. Harry climbed down and let the patronus dissipate.
"So you use it as a torch too?" she asked.
"Well if it had a nest, there could have been more" said Harry. Greengrass lurched backwards towards the door.
"Don't worry, there weren't. Hermione will take the nest as evidence, I expect." said Harry and he smiled "Abandoned trunks. When we're done, pop a good strong locking charm on the hatch, and a tripwire charm if you know that?"
Daphne Greengrass looked thoughtful "I know a monitoring charm I used to put on ,my makeup case – my little sister would – " she stopped and smiled nervously. "Sorry – I'm babbling"
"You've had a nasty fright" said Harry "I prescribe cocoa. Once Hermiones' got the thing, and it's nest out, I'll sweep for pests – you never know, and trust me I know my magical pests."
"Should'nt you just… leave me to tidy up?" she asked, looking in the direction of her honestly not that messy bedroom.
Harry smiled again "Look – new house, bloody lethifold. I mean, honestly I've never had anything that bad at my house, and I got it from the bloody Blacks. Doxies, well, and the ghoul in the second floor bathroom, but mostly doxies and stuff .This was a magical residence before you took over?"
"An old witch owns it. She moved to a boarding home… she'd got frail" said Daphne Greengrass.
"So… vacant for a while"
"I'm not sire, honestly. Some time. Months? Possibly years, the agent had cleaned up." said Greengrass.
"Right. Well sorry, you'll be up for a while yet. And… um. Yeah, Hermione's going to ask all the same questions."
"I didn't think DRCMC did callouts" said Greengrass.
"They don't, but she's my best friend and a lethifold's a big deal."
"You don't seem worried" said Daphne Greengrass , and Harry felt awkward and looked at the carpet "well, I um… I've had a lot of adventures" he said.
"You're modest." said Daphne Greengrass "Should I call you Auror Potter, or The Man Who Won?" she asked, with a hint of humour.
"Auror Potter" said Harry, looking up. She was smiling. Not happy but, not being eaten by a lethifiold. And I'm not bored, thought Harry cheerily.
"Would you like tea?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
'Put a pot on" suggested Harry "Hermione might want some, and I could, I could do with washing the taste of office coffee out of my mouth."
She turned and dashed down the stairs. Barefoot, long toes, nails painted hot pink. Harry turned back to the bedroom and saw her slippers by the bed.
"Accio slippers!" he cast, and caught Greengrass's warm slippers. He turned and banished them down to the kitchen.
A moment later there was a shreik of outrage, then a shouted "Oh Thanks!" from her.
Harry turned and eyed the lethifold. And not looking at her powder blue lacy knickers and matching bra. Harry closed his eyes. This Auror business had unique challenges.
Harry waited. And didn't snoop in her bedroom. Nope.
Time passed.
"Auror Potter?" asked Greengrass from downstairs "Would you like that cup of tea?"
Harry eyed the lethifold- which should be secure, and he silently stunned it once again. It wasn't precious to him, and he was, he realised quite keen to have a cuppa.
He tromped down the stairs , under the wathcful gaze of Greengrass, who was standing in the downstairs hall in her dressing gown, and he presumed Slippers.
Once he got to the floor, she turned and left with a swish of her dressing gown – and she had her slippers on. She had a er, nice figure he thought.
She had the lime green pottery teapot in one hand, holding it over a red, straight sided mug. "How do you take it?"
"Um" said Harry "F' you've got milk white with sugar, but I"ll take it black if that's all you've got"
Greengrass gave him a look of faint confusion, and poured tea into the mug, put the teapot on the small bench near the cooker, and she had milk in the small fridge, and put in two sugars. "Milk, two sugars" she said, and suddenly flicked out her wand, and cast some sort of charm silently. A teaspoon spiralled out of the sink, glowed with what had to be a cleaning charm, and arced through the air to make a perfect landing in the mug, and proceeded to stir the tea. Her wand wasn't even moving, and she had a… faint smirk on her face. Harry watched her dancing spoon for a bit, and with a tiny flick, she banished the spoon into the sink, where it dropped with a clatter.
"Your tea's made" she said. And that faint smile looked quite genuine. Showoff.
Harry picked the mug up, and sipped, head lowering to the mug . It was the nectar of the gods. He looked up. "Ta" said Harry "That's perfect tea, by the way."
"Of course it is" said Daphne Greengrass. She frowned "Is that thing … secure?"
"I stunned it again" said Harry.
"Isn't it dangerous to stun someone more than once?" asked Greengrass. "The book I had said there was – "
"Yes it's not safe for people you care about" interrupted Harry "But honestly, your lethifold isn't … I really don't give a… damn if it's someone's forgotten pet. Besides, the sort of person that has a lethifold for a pet is a complete … arse" Harry had quickly corrected himself, and not sworn.
"Quite. So you feel it's some sort of stray?" she asked. And she looked at the table, and pressed her lips together "Sorry, I don't have biscuits to offer you." she said.
"It's okay" said Harry, and he sipped tea. It warmed his throat, and he relaxed a little. "So, um what do you do?" he asked.
Greengrass didn't move, then bit her lower lip softly. "I um, work in … a shop" she said "A shop "she repeated unconvincingly.
Why the hell is she lying her arse off? Thought Harry.
"And you're an Auror, till you become head of the DMLE?" asked Daphne Greengrass very casually
Harry looked up from his mug of lovely warm tea "What?" he asked, "I haven't thought about anything but being an Auror. Why would I want to be head of the DMLE?"
"As a stepping stone to Minister for magic, of course" said Greengrass briskly, and then she frowned slightly at him. "But… you're not angling for that ?" she said more slowly.
"I um" Harry felt his cheeks warming "I don't actually make plans. They never work, and so many strange things have happened in my life. I just… assume something strange is going to happen and try not to screw up"
Her eyebrows had lifted, and she was looking at him intently – her eyes almost gleaming. "Really?" she said "Hmm. I wonder if I could design an experiment." She blinked "Sorry" she said "I say the maddest things sometimes" she laughed in a very fake , put on way "Mad Daphne they called me in Slytherin" she lied. She'd, Harry remembered been quiet, followed Pansy around and not made waves. Seamus had claimed she'd turned his bits into tweezers the one time, but Seamus said a lot of things.
"Well, I was a dangerous liar" said Harry, and her eyes did twitch minutely. So she was lying but, his gut told him… well right now it told him that he'd commit several minor offences for some Jammy Dodgers.
"I'll um" said Harry "Go up and keep an eye on it" He looked at Greengrass's outfit "Are you warm enough?" he asked.
"I'll turn up the central heating" she said. And a posh pureblood witch had just talked about central heating. And then she pushed past him and adjusted the thermostat in the downstairs hall.
"I think it's working" she said "Or I'd be freezing my tits off" She froze and Harry could see her cheeks slowly pinkening. She rushed upstairs noisily. The bathroom door banged a little later, and Harry had finished the tea by the time she came back into the kitchen, her dressing-gown now bulked out with Harry assumed more clothes.
Harry put the mug down "I'll go um, watch the lethifold."
She'd tidied up, the powder blue knickers were gone. Possibly on her. She hadn't braved the wardrobe, the robe sleeves were still sticking out of the half-open door. She owned a lot of grey robes, thought Harry. Still, she worked in a shop.
Harry contemplated poking the lethifold. He conjured a ten-foot long pole and gave it an exploratory poke. It seemed to either still be stunned, or dead. Harry wasn't bothered either way.
Time passed.
From downstairs, he heard Hermione yell "HARRY!"
"Up here!" Harry yelled. He looked over his shoulder. Hermione came out of Greengrass's kitchen wearing a brown robe, her hair pulled back in a big blob.
"There's a Lethifold?" asked Hermione, coming up the stairs – in those green sheepskin lined gumboots Ron gave her stick about.
She looked past Harry at the black blob by the bedroom wall. "Oh wow" she said "Are there any more"? She asked.
"I think it was nesting in an abandoned trunk in the attic" said Harry "I didn't see any when I checked earlier. Hatch is in the bathroom, round behind you, on the left. Conjure a ladder."
"Thank you Auror Potter" said Hermione. Then she asked quietly "So... Daphne Greengrass got attacked by a lethifold, in bed?"
"Apparently" said Harry.
"She's lucky to be alive" said Hermione. "Right"
Hermione pulled a silver cage out of her robe pocket that expanded to be trunk-sized, and opened it.
"Capture cage" she explained, and levitated the lethifold into the cage.
"They're fairly amorphous" warmed Harry.
"The Cage is charmed between the bars" said Hermione "We do know what we're doing in DRCMC. You so owe me for getting out of bed."
"Tickets to something boring?" asked Harry. He got elbowed for that.
"A book, I know, A book" said Harry.
Harry was ready to leave once Hermione had cleared out the Lethifold nest trunks and left.
"Well, you should be all right now" said Harry.
"I suppose I should learn the Patron charm then" said Daphne.
"Patronus Charm" said Harry "It's a pain – um… Dark creatures and their counter-spells is the best reference."
"I heard a rumour you taught everyone in your secret army it" said Daphne.
"In sixth year, yeah" said Harry "Think of a time you felt warm and secure and happy, and push that feeling out through your wand with a jab and a hook. Incantation is Expecto Patronum, the only catch is it takes a lot of practice to get the intent right for the charm to work."
"So you're saying , the intent is the important part?" said Daphne "How revolutionary Why… you could be a teacher." she added. Harry looked over – she had an eyebrow raised sarcastically.
"I used to use a memory of Christmas at Hogwarts with my friends" said Harry "That sort of memory works well. Expect to take a few weeks minimum of an hour or so a night."
Daphne Greengrass blinked "You're serious?"
"No that was my godfather" said Harry "Goodnight miss Greengrass. You might want to um."
"Tidy my room" she asked, faintly smiling.
"Stay somewhere else to get a good night's sleep" said Harry ,and he stepped into the fireplace and left.
The office was colder than before ,and Harry was tired-er. The tea had been the high point of the callout. Well, and the pretty witch.
And it was time to write it up properly. Which meant doing some research too in the Auror office logs.
Harry got off shift as the sun rose, and took the floo home to Grimmauld place, and left a trail of uniform all the way to his room, where he face-planted onto the bed. The glamorous life of the auror.
He might perhaps have dreamed of Greengrass in her kitchen without the dressing-gown, with the blue underwear instead, holding out the mug of tea. But then she said "Now I'll do an experiment on you" and Harry woke up with a start.
And according to his battered old watch, it wasn't even three in the afternoon.
Harry had a normal night on the Graveyard shift. Two callouts, both of which turned out to be foreign Vampires without ID cards. Harry left them in the silver cells to wait for someone with backup. There was something off about them, and it wasn't that they were vampires attempting to bite someone.
Harry had a quiet day, and went to see Teddy, who grabbed his legs and called him unca Harry.
Harry's heart nearly burst. Andromeda looked at him smugly. Harry read Teddy a bedtime story and, got roped into helping with Teddy's bath, before he went home to have dinner. His shift started half an hour later, so Harry went to the library, grabbed the first book that didn't scream or wriggle, and jammed it into his robe pocket. Something to read anyway.
It was nearly half past two, and Harry was in the doldrums of both tiredness, and trying to read the memoirs of Cassiopia Black – who, in Harry's opinion, had been a narcissistic, spoilt cow, when the fireplace went green.
"Aurors!" called a panicky woman.
Harry leapt into action, and stuck his head in the fire.
"Auror office" said Harry.
"There's a lethifold in my bedroom!" said the caller.
That was a coincidence, thought Harry, but he said "Step back I'm coming through!"
And in under a minute he was standing up… in Daphne Greenrass's kitchen.
She stared at him, one hand to her mouth "Oh god it's you." she said.
"I'm on sift" said Harry "Again?"
She nodded.
Harry had his wand out and dashed up the hall stairs, and she'd followed close behind this time, and opened the door for him.
A dark figure was humped over the bed. It floated up towards the ceiling. Harry inhaled to yell out the charm … and there was no smell of wet dog. He cast the patronus Charm, and Prongs came out and circled idly. Completely ignoring the lethifold.
"Shouldn't the stag be doing it's bloody job" said Greengrass.
Harry had an idea, and pushed Greengrass with his left hand – she squawked indignantly, and he stared at the Lethifold. Which… slid to the ground and formed a hump.
The hump was a person, that stood up and looked at Harry with green eyes that flickered between green and red. Harry looked at… himself. And from the bed, the other Harry – who was wearing a neat black suit and a green pocket-square, pulled up a Ginny ,bound by an incarcerous struggling – her chocolate eyes wide, staring terrified at Harry.
The other Harry slid his wand slowly down Ginny's face, leaving burnt dripping wounds.
"That's some gross kinky shit, Potter" said Daphne Greengrass from behind him.
Harry swore "It's a boggart!" he said loudly "And I'm coming up blank with a way to make that funny!"
"Your worst fear is now going sadistic on your ex's face." said Greengrass "That's not worrying at all."
"Tom, not me" said Harry. He had an idea, and reached behind himself, grabbed Greegnrass and pulled and pushed her in front if himself and closed his eyes.
"Sacrificed to the psycho killer. I'll haunt you for this!" complained Greengrass. A moment later she squealed "Now there's a lethifold!"
"Make it Funny!" said Harry urgently.
"How" hissed Greengrass.
"Make it … a pink plush throw rug?" asked Harry.
"You're a sick man" said Greengrass, and a moment later she said "Done."
Harry opened his eyes and peered around her shoulder. A pink plush blanket, with a unicorn embroidered on it lay on her bed.
"Riddikulus" said Harry; Greengrass cast the charm successfully , banishing the boggart. Harry closed his eyes and tried not to remember what he'd seen.
But he was poked with something pointy. He opened his eyes.
Greengrass had turned on him, and had poked him with her wand "You'd better explain what I just saw, or I'm … complaining to the DMLE. "
"That wasn't me" said Harry. "Ginny… Ginny dumped me because she thought I was still Tom. From … From w – when he possessed me in ninety-six." Harry lied.
"Tom?"
"Tom Marvolo Riddle -that's Voldy's real name" said Harry.
"And he would just … possess you and pretend to fight you for a few years… then lose, but still win?" asked Greengrass "He'd have to split himself into two people"
"Yes" said Harry "and I'm not going to explain, because it's a secret to do with the war. I told Kingsley – that's enough."
"How does Ginny Weasley know … Tom?" asked Greengrass.
"Well. Second year? Heir of Slytherin? That was Tom." said Harry. "Possessed her."
Greengrass went pale "She was… just a firstie. Oh god. That's revolting."
"So um, well done with the boggart" said Harry.
"I was worried for a second that it was going to change into a Dementor" she said.
"Apparently that's not my greatest fear now" said Harry blandly.
"You're really messed up Potter." said Greengrass. "But thanks. I feel like a twit, I mean what are the chances of two lethifold attacks on one person?"
"There haven't been any lethifolds found in the wild in Britain in a hundred years" said Harry.
"So… you're saying the one that attacked me was... put there?"
"Yours is the first in a century." said Harry. "You're Lethifold woman now in our records."
"And you're scared about being possessed by someone who's dead. But did come back once…"
"Can't happen again" said Harry "Took care of that before I killed him."
"Well I can make you tea" said Greengrass "And I have biscuits"
Harry took two. They were quite good.
-===0==-
Harry pulled the bathroom door shut behind him, and the cockatrice clawed at the door.
"That's not something you normally find in a bathroom" he said as casually as he could.
Greengrass stared at him "Get rid of it!" she said.
"You're the one" said Harry, casting a few protective charms "That keeps having weird things turn up at night!"
"Only after midnight" said Greengrass "And that may be significant"
"Cockatrice are like, mini basilisks" said Harry.
"Didn't you defeat a basilisk?"
"And nearly died" said Harry. From the sounds, the cockatrice was clawing at at the wooden door.
"Mini basilisk – angry lizard chicken" said Greengrass "Big tough Auror. My money's on the Auror."
Harry pushed the door open – there was squawk and a thud. He peered around the door and the cockatrice was barely standing. It wasn't very large, he thought.
A blasting curse separated it's' head from its' body, and it fell over with a wet splat. The tiles on the walls were cracked, the shower curtain ripped and the door. Harry checked. Had some monster scratches.
"Bit of a mess" said Harry. "But nobody died."
And two days later, like an unlucky dice, she had a … turtle on her bedroom ceiling.
"Look it's just Carl" she said "a family pet, but he's just as likely to fall on me"
"It's on the ceiling" said Harry, as that seemed salient.
"Greengrass turtles graze on the underside of overhangs" said Daphne Greengrass. "They're potions ingredients, but Carl's a … well imagine a very stupid pet."
"Can I just stun it?"
"He'll fall." said Daphne "And crack his shell. I'll stun, you catch."
"How much does he weigh?"
"They're about fifteen stone at that size."
"I'll levitate him the.n"
Greengrass turtles, it transpired are not just heavy, they're also fairly resistant to stunners. But Harry got it to the ground before it bit him on the calf. With a jaw the average snake would envy.
Harry reacted and blasting cursed Carl into bits – the jaw still hanging onto his bleeding calf.
"You killed carl" said Daphne "That was… well, the shell's intact, the potions ingredients will still be saleable."
"Sorry, I mean he was a pet."
"A rubbish pet" said Daphne "My sister doted on him, of course."
"Sister?"
"Little sister."
"Well, um, I'm so sorry."
"We'll just move the nametag. She didn't notice the last four times" said Daphne.
-==0==-
And then it was a rabbit in her fridge.
Eating her bagged salad.
But she had a bloody bandage on her right hand "It's a vicious monster" she said.
"Rabbit" said Harry, trying not to smirk.
"And you can heal my cut first!"
Harry winced at the wound – it was all the way to the bone.
He healed up her with Vulnera Sanentur, and turned her hand slowly and cast again and again till her hands were flawless, pale, elegant, slim fingers, and tidy nails. He looked up at her face. Greengrass eyed him sideways, "You did that very well" she said.
"Auror – also lots of dangerous adventures" he said, and hurriedly let her hands go.
And opened the fridge. A white blur leapt at him, and bit into his neck,
-==0==-
Harry woke up feeling sore, lying on his back and he opened his eyes. Green ceiling. St Mungo's
Hermione was sitting ext to him in brown robes, and she put glasses on him.
"Harry" she said intensely, "You were attacked by the dread beast of Caerbannog."
"A white rabbit." said Harry, and he tried to move his hand – which had a huge bandage wrapped round it like a ball.
"My hand?"
"It bit both hands. You're regrowing fingers, and were lucky not to die" said Hermione "We've got it in level ocelot confinement. I wish we could get access to the veil of death."
"What – waita minute. The rabbit in her fridge was this .."
"The dread beast of Caerbannog" said Hermione "We've been on the track of it for a century. It is usually found in … "
"Caerbannog" said Harry.
"But the problem is that nobody knows where that is" said Hermione. "Her salad bag comes from a newly opened hydroponic farm in eastern Wales. Oh, and even for you, that's an amazing coincidence."
"Well I think the cockatrice was quite dangerous" said Harry.
"What cockatrice?" asked Hermione. Ooops.
"The um, cockatrice I um, killed and didn't erm.. wake you up at two in the morning to take away?" said Harry.
"There's something very suspicious about all of this" said Hermione "And I think Daphne Greengrass is behind it."
"Because she bought salad? You try to get me to buy salad." said Harry.
"Because there's been a call-out to her house every other night for a week!" said Hermione. "While you're on night shift"
"Graveyard shift" corrected Harry "Sounds cooler."
Hermione closed her eyes for a moment "You berk" she said fondly. "I think it's a plot to, to… entice you in with her wiles"
Oh I'm all up for that, thought Harry. "She was really badly bitten by the rabbit" said Harry. "I had to cast Vulnera Sanentur on her hands. All the way to the bone." He felt a little nauseated. Greengrass had pretty hands. And a pretty smile. Don't think about her knickers.
"Well now you're awake, I'm taking your statement" said Hermione and she lifted a clipboard.
"Now… where were you?" she started. Harry explained, his eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
She was relentless, thought Harry, slipping back into a potions-induced sleep.
-==0==-
Harry recovered and went back to the graveyard shift.
And therefore went back to throwing parchment balls.
And the floo went off. And it was Greengrass.
Harry jumped though in a ball and landed.
"Oh I was just calling to ask how thing were going?" said Greengrass "Were you busy?"
"I was just playing with my balls" said Harry.
Red-faced ,Harry groaned "My parchment balls – I throw them in the bin" said Harry. "Pure skill."
"I um" said Greengrass "I found out what's been going on" she was blushing.
"What"?
"Well the lethifold may have just been here- I asked the neighbours and the flat's been vacant for years and years. Nobody'll stay here" she said.
"Lots of weird things attacking them in the night?"
"Just the lethifold as far as I could make out" said Daphne Greengrass "But the next day, I was at home and told mummy and daddy, obviously. And my sister got some hair-brained idea."
"Your sister – the one we um, killed the pet of?"
"I'll get to that" said Daphne, "My sister decided that Auror Potter coming to my flat at night was what I needed."
Harry blinked "What"? Where'd she get all the creatures?"
"We do import-export" said Daphne "Though I think she ran out of ideas and left Carl here by mistake. He wanders off. Well... they do as a breed. She hasn't noticed as far as I can tell."
"And the rabbit?"
"Working hypothesis is… Granger's right. Hydroponic farm near it's lair, and dreadful luck" said Daphne "or my sister's prepared to risk maiming and killing me or you to get me a boyfriend."
Harry stared at Daphne Greengrass. "Is she completely mental?" asked Harry.
"She um. Isn't well" said Daphne ambiguously "Spends a lot of time in bed, reading. And … romance novels."
"Oh" said Harry. "What kind of not well?"
"The kind I don't talk to people about, that's not her fault, and will kill her" said Daphne Greengrass, sharply.
Harry nodded politely. "Right. Well… should I go explain that it's just call-outs?"
"Oh god no she's convinced you'll fall for me as a damsel in distress" said Daphne Greengrass.
"Well… you weren't happy about the lethifold" said Harry, and she jabbed him in the arm with a spoon.
"A spoon!" said Harry.
"It was to hand" said Daphne Greengrass… spoon-wielding maniac. "It tried to eat me."
"Yeah, people say my sense of danger's a bit screwed up" admitted Harry. "I'm quite safe, my next shifts are daytime. Though the beast of Caerbannog somehow escaped DRCMC custody."
"Oh did it?" asked Greengrass, and she was a terrible liar.
But cute.
