Standing in Jim's kitchen with her back to the window and the happy gathering outside, Zee tried to take discreet calming breaths, her attention not wavering from Chris, granting her the time to put the puzzle pieces together on her own before confirming her conclusions.

This was the moment of the truth. Zee couldn't rush it, couldn't force Chris's hand any more than she was already doing.

. . .

Chris couldn't believe what the woman standing before her was implying. Zee wasn't simply sick, hence looking for a caretaker in Street. Nor was she asking him for money or even body parts, like his degenerate mother did.

She was…

Zee was about to abandon Street the worst possible way. No appeals, no going back. After all, Chris had been right about the woman all along.

Faulty conclusions but perfect instincts.

But now what? She couldn't blame her anymore. Nor blame him. Could she?

"That's it, Chris, I'm dying." Zee sucked a deep breath and released it slowly while fisting her dress over her breastbone. "And there's nothing to be done." She smoothed the fabric on her chest, took another lungful of air, then nodded to herself before speaking again. "That life-saver procedure that gave it all to me? It created too much scar tissue around my heart to make another surgery possible or for me to be eligible for a transplant."

Zee's heart wasn't the only one threatening to explode right now, Chris's own chest was tight and heavy.

This crucial bit of information explained most of Street's behavior in the past few weeks. Why he was always glued to his phone, checking in on Zee every chance he had. Why he agreed to keep her secret from his family. Why the guy's jokes about the future seemed to spook him so much.

Yes, Chris had noticed all the little signs despite Street trying to hide or disguise them. And obviously, she'd never gathered up the nerve to confront him about it all. But to what extent? He would have dismissed her, maybe even lied. Now she knew it and was glad she'd not cornered him.

And then it hit her. This revelation gave another, deeper meaning to his sporadic visits to Dr. Wendy.

When Chris had spotted Street leaving the doctor's office at the HQ—equally disappointed he didn't trust his friends with his troubles and relieved at least he was talking to someone—she'd assumed the visits concerned his mother's death, the aftermath of the transplant, or the latest difficult case. Yes, she'd suspected his affair with Zee to be contributing to his stress, but not to this extent.

Street was being strong. Responsible. But how much more could he take?

"How long?" Chris finally asked, getting out of her head.

Zee's eyes dimmed. Her hands clasped the kitchen counter as if to steady her light-weight. "A few weeks if things get ugly. A couple months at most. Make it three if I'm really, really lucky."

Ice took hold of Chris's body. This was horrible for Zee, of course, and Chris empathized with her, but her thoughts were with someone else. With the man and the child who she will leave behind.

Street and Zee had not been together all that long, and yet he lived for her. Chris had seen it all day in the little gestures, stolen glances, and unconscious smiles. A few more weeks with her would surely enhance their bond, which was a double-edged sword because the loss would cut even deeper.

And then there was little, innocent Jamie.

"I know it's not my place to tell you how to handle all this, but you have to tell her before it's too late. She has the right to know."

"I know." Zee followed Chris's gaze out the window. "I just don't want our last days together to be tinged with sadness and fear."

Chris understood but… "I'm not sure how much Street told you about my family history."

"Not much. I want to be clear about that. Jim told me everything about his feelings and experiences, but always—and I say always—respected your privacy and honored the trust you have in him. You have to take my word for it."

No, Chris didn't have to, but still filed Zee's last spoken words and the feelings they arose for later untangling and took a deep breath. "My mother died in a car crash when I was barely a teen." She left it at that. The fact her mom had caused said crush was not relevant now.

"I'm sorry."

Chris nodded in polite acknowledgment. "I lost her way before that day due to her poor life choices, but that didn't make it easier on me. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. And I have no idea what I would have said or done if I had known that morning would have been the last time I saw her, but I wish I had known." Chris surprised herself wanting to continue on that painful path. "I wish I had the chance to say goodbye." And maybe try to stop her or yell at her, she added in her mind. "And I know Jamie's younger than I was and your situation couldn't be more different from my mom's, but keeping her in the dark is a mistake. One she will be the one left to regret."

Tears welled in Zee's eyes. "I know, and I will. Next weekend we'll have some quality time alone, I already arranged for that. It's gonna be a poor attempt to cushion the blow, I know, but… I will make it work. For her. I just hope she'll not hate me too much."

Silence stretched heavy between them as Zee composed herself, and it was all it took for Chris's mind to start churning again.

Street's rich laugh wafted through the window toward them, and despite the adoration painted on Zee's face, Chris's protective instincts took control again. Time to attack.

"What changed?"

"Excuse me?" Zee balanced her weight against the kitchen counter as if Chris had slapped her with those two simple words.

"When you learned about your condition, you dumped Street to protect him, to save him from the heartbreak of seeing you die. And you didn't even know if or when it would happen. But now that you're positive your time's up, you trudged back into his life like a wrecking ball. If your feelings for him didn't change, what did?"

"My feelings didn't change." Zee looked out the window, twirling her key pendant into her fingers. "But I am a mother now. Jamie is my priority. She will be so until my very last breath."

Chris respected that and didn't try to hide it, but this wasn't quite enough an answer.

"I was young back then, and I was lucky enough that my parents could be by my side to face my condition with me. Now that they're gone, and my husband, too, I have no living relatives to turn to. That means I have no one to care for my daughter either."

Chris couldn't even imagine how lonely and scary that would be, for Zee but also for little Jamie. Had she not had Sarzo and Helena when her mother died… But that couldn't mean Zee tracked Street—her ex—down to leave him guardianship of another man's daughter. Or could it? The man was positively lost for the little girl.

"I know it was selfish to drag a child into this world knowing I would not be around for all her milestones, that I wouldn't be there to protect her and see her shine and grow into an amazing woman, but I thought her father would be there for her. I didn't know he would leave even before me. I didn't know he wouldn't manage to extract himself from active duty before it was too late." Zee let out a heavy sigh. "But Dillon didn't just leave a widow and an orphan behind. He still has some living relatives. Just not the kind I would entrust with my child. Except…"

Before she knew it, Chris was refilling with tap water the glass Zee had abandoned on the counter.

"Thanks." Zee took a sip to moisten her lips before continuing her tortuous explanation. "The only family member Dillon was fond of was his younger sister, Emmalynn. He'd never wanted to leave her and always hoped to reconnect with her once she'd been old enough to get out of their parent's clutches. Because their parents…" Her eyes misted over. "Unfortunately, he didn't have the time." She cleared her throat. "But I did. Not much, but it had to be enough. She was my only hope to find a worthy guardian for my miracle girl."

Chris started to understand where the tale was going, but her patience was wearing thin.

"I had to believe that if Emmalynn was the person Dillon had faith she would become, she would be willing to raise Jamie and do a great job with it. But to make sure of that, I first had to find her, which was no easy feat since Dillon's parents had gone above and beyond to make communication between him and Emmalynn impossible."

The calm way Zee recounted her tale spoilered to Chris the end of it. The sister-in-law had been found, and she was worthy and willing to take care of Jamie once Zee passed. It should be a relief, but the sudden realization Street would lose the little girl along with the woman he seemed to love was a daunting thought. Why was she doing this to him?

She voiced one of her thoughts. "What does Street have to do with this?"

"Sorry, I'm getting to it." Zee smiled, then shook her head. "Fortunately, money is not a problem for me, and I could easily hire a PI down in Charleston. Unfortunately, he could only tell me Emmalynn moved to LA after getting married. No address and even no husband name or last name, which left me no other choice than coming up here to continue my search."

Chris's temper made her jump ahead of herself, but she couldn't help it. Zee was hurting Street, and she needed to know why. "And instead of hiring another PI with all that money of yours," she practically hissed, "you went looking for your ex-lover, who happened to be a cop?"

"No," Zee said in a firm but quiet tone. "By then, I'd convinced myself Jim was living his best life in Long Beach, and yet the thought I still would maybe bump into him in LA kind of terrified me." Guilt and regret swam in her green eyes. "But fate had us meet in a hospital lobby, of all places, which made it easier to come clean with it all, I guess."

Chris hid a flinch. Street must have been in for one of his post-surgery check-ups, meaning Karen was, in a way, responsible for his current sufferings once again.

"When I saw him… It was all still there. For me and for him. The way he looked at me, the way he made me feel..." Real affection showed on Zee's face. She wasn't playing Street after all. "And when I asked him to sit and catch up, I had no idea he needed a shoulder to lean on as desperately as I did."

Chris's stomach all but imploded. If she'd been there for him during the aftermath of his liver surgery, maybe she would have saved him from all this heartbreak.

Zee let out a deep exhale. "It was so easy talking to him, telling him everything…"

Yeah, Chris knew the guy was astonishingly easy to talk to.

"It only took a few minutes, and I knew," Zee's face lit up, "I knew our connection was still there, stronger than ever despite time, distance, and all the things I did to him."

"So at that point, you thought you could take advantage of that," Chris jabbed hard. Unnecessarily hard.

Zee shook her head. Was that pity in her eyes? Pity for Chris's untrusting nature?

"At that point, I was quite desperate, I admit it. No PI had been successful in the search, no matter what amount of money I paid, and when I told it all to Jim, he offered to help. I couldn't believe my luck, really. But the truth is, he didn't offer to help me. Before even meeting Jamie, he couldn't stand the thought the system could treat her as he'd treated him." Zee glanced outside, then back to Chris. "Of course, you'll know about that part of his life better than me."

No. She didn't. Street actually never shared too much about that time, but now Chris could see why it had been so important to him to step in and do whatever he could for the child, even without taking into account his feelings for the mother.

"Well, it just happened that Jim had his first desk shift at SWAT the following day, so he could use your resources to— What's that face?" Zee asked, alarmed. "I didn't put him in trouble, did I? He assured me he wasn't breaking any rules. That he could—"

"He's not in trouble," Chris stopped Zee's flood of words. "Unless your brother-in-law was part of an ongoing investigation or a witness of some kind."

"He wasn't. He's not. Nothing shady there; he just works for cyber security. He's awfully good at his job and loves his privacy a great deal."

One point for the in-law's family, Chris conceded. "No trouble then."

"That's a huge relief." Zee kept absentmindedly twirling the little key-pendant at her neck in her fingers. "Because when Jim told me he'd found Emmalynn and her husband, Joel, it felt like the first breath of fresh air I had in months. And though I couldn't afford to turn Jim's help away, I would hate it if I'd cast an even bigger shade on his life. The thought he'll have to untangle himself from problems I caused him after I…" She shook her head, failing to mask the brim of tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm usually more controlled."

Chris knew the collected outside and stormy inside type of woman. She was that type.

"Jim saved my life. More than once and in more than one way."

Chris had been there too.

"My fleeting romance with him and dealing with my heart condition shaped me more than anything else after my parent's education, of course." It was clear Zee respected and honored her parents, and Chris envied that a little, too. "The truth is that when Jim entered my life I was about to give up on my dream and pack it up to go back home with my tail between my legs. But he encouraged me, built my self-esteem, and brought out a confidence I didn't think I had in me. And that courage and strength he uncovered from deep inside me is what made me get through the surgery and the convalescence. What had got me to only pause my dream to become a songwriter until my heart could take it, not discard it completely."

Street could do that to a person. The confidence he'd shown in Chris the last few years, the support he'd given her… She hated to admit it because she liked to think she could always do everything by herself, but her best friend had given her a jab or two in the right direction whenever she'd felt lost. At times, even after she'd withdrawn from him.

"I have been honest with Jim from the beginning. I told him I would be taking way more from him than what I could give back, and he still offered me"—Zee glanced outside—"us his help. He'd immediately become a firm point for me and Jamie, and I know he won't leave my side until the very end."

Typical Jim Street. Giving all himself to the people he loved, even when it did him more harm than good.

"But, Chris…" Zee took a deep breath. "Don't think even for a second that I don't feel guilty for dragging him down in this inferno with me. Don't think I don't hate myself for eventually having to abandon him again, for taking and taking from him." She wiped a stray tear. "Jamie seems to think I'm a superhero, and I'm trying to teach her that all women are. But I'm only human, and this"—she took a hand to her heart—"all this"—she motioned the same hand all around her—"is utterly terrifying."

Chris knew what it meant to be a hostage of fear as much as she knew a brave woman when she saw one.

"And it gets…" Zee seemed to ponder her words carefully. "It gets really lonely."

Silence stretched heavy, though it lasted just a couple beats.

"Since the moment my doctor gave me a literal deadline, I've tried to focus on leaving things in order for my daughter, refusing to process my feelings. But Jim… He makes me feel seen and understood. Helps me put Jamie first but also does his best to not let me neglect myself. With him, I live, not just scrape by for the sake of biding time. He makes sure that I know he's there to catch me if I fall, that he will always be there, but doesn't let me forget I could get back to my feet on my own."

Chris fought for her control, mirroring Zee. How she could understand craving something like that. Not the going-to-die part, but the burning desire to have someone to love you just that deeply.

"I'm no martyr, Chris. And I'm not going to apologize for grabbing what I'm being offered for the little time I have. For taking this lifeline that keeps me afloat and helps me take care of my daughter all the while. And I know I could tell you a million times and over how deeply I regret making Jim suffer, but I can't apologize for loving him or for him loving me and my daughter because every time he looks at me…"

Every time he as much as looks at you, he shines, Chris admitted but not aloud. She couldn't.

"So think ill of me all you want," Zee continued with resolution in her voice. "Call me selfish, and blame me all the way. I deserve it. But don't take it out on Jim."

Chris took a step back from the couch's back she'd been unconsciously leaning against for support. "I'm not here to judge you." Oh, but she'd wished she was able to. "Or him."

"I appreciate that."

"And I appreciate your honesty." Chris really did, but… "Look, I now understand both your reasons for keeping it a secret at first and the urge to tell it to someone now, but I figure you had plenty of occasions to take Luca aside and have this conversation with him. Or maybe talk to Deacon and Annie if you'd accepted the play date they offered to your child."

Zee tensed almost imperceptibly, but it was enough confirmation there was no chance the woman had chosen that moment to retreat inside long minutes ago. She could have swiftly swollen her pills and made her way back out to the fun, instead, she'd ambushed Chris out of the restroom. And the study of character had been mutual, not just from Chris's side.

"Why me? What do you want from me? Aside from not letting your boyfriend know that I know about all this."

"Straight to the point, I should have expected it." Zee's lips turned up at the edges in a self-conscious smile. "Why you? Because you're important to Jim, for one—"

Was she, really?

"—and I can see Jim is important to you."

"Like anyone else on the team," Chris answered automatically, refusing to acknowledge the little voice that said he was…different from the rest of the guys.

Zee's lips remained curved up like she could see right through Chris's omissions and dodging. "I might not know you at all, but I know you understand the concept of privacy like no one else in Jim's family."

True. Chris hated to admit that was another thing they had in common. Always guarded with what they confided and to whom.

"And the only thing I need from you is that you make sure Jim will survive all this." A tear glistened in the corner of Zee's eye. "I know it won't be fun to be the one to pick up the pieces—"

"The pieces of his soul after you shutter it again?" Chris couldn't refrain from taking a jab.

"I deserve that," Zee conceded. "But I'm begging you again, don't take it out on Jim. This secrecy policy is all my fault."

Oh, but Chris knew Street had abided by that of his own free will.

As if reading her mind, Zee continued speaking. "Jim might have agreed with me because he was jealous of his time with me and because he feared your judgment—his whole family's judgment," she added before Chris felt called out. Almost. "But it was my idea. And Jim just did his best to not betray any of his loved ones."

Chris retraced every conversation they had in the last few weeks, and it occurred to her that Street had never lied. He'd omitted crucial details and didn't correct wrong assumptions, but he never actually lied. And it was as much as he could do to protect Zee's secret.

"As you know, I didn't want Jamie to know too soon, but I was also selfish. If you'd seen the shift of your expression when I told you my fate or noticed the subtle change in the way you've looked or treated me…"

Guilty as charged, Chris realized. She'd not rained in her sympathy, and as much as she'd wanted to bite or at least bark up Zee's tree, Chris had ended up barely yelping, regretting immediately any soft jab she might have landed.

"I just want to be normal. To act normal. The last thing I need is to be treated like a porcelain doll and be looked at with nothing but pity and grief. And while Jim is doing his best to control himself, I can handle just one overprotective loved one at a time."

Every little gesture and almost overbearing attention Street had for Zee all day was more than justified now, as was his urge of calling and texting her at any free moment in between missions and trainings. He wasn't clingy. Just terrified.

"Believe me, we talked this out a million times," Zee continued. "I know asking Jim to hide me—us—from his big, nosy, inclusive, and kind family wasn't fair from the start. But in the end, it felt even worse to me to force my way close to you all, let myself get attached to you guys, or far worse, let any of you get attached to me just to betray your trust too soon."

Chris could see the struggle in Zee's eyes. For how bad she wanted to blame the woman for putting Street in the position to keep such a huge secret or condemn her best friend for actively deciding to take that path, she couldn't.

"But now that I feel my fate closing in…" A controlled breath, then Zee continued, "I don't want the weight of explanation falling on Jim's shoulder afterward. And now that you know, you can be the one to tell the rest of the army what's going on when everything falls apart." She lifted a hand, silencing Chris's unspoken question. "Before you ask why you again, my gut tells me that you're the only one who'll be able to breach through to Jim when he caves under the pressure of this all, inevitably closing in on himself."

Lead sunk Chris's stomach. "I'm not sure about that."

Zee watched her carefully for a few beats before speaking again. "This situation is on me, and I deeply regret having Jim go through this and putting you in this position, but I ask you again, don't take it out on him. The only thing Jim's guilty of is how fiercely he loves."

A deep yearning shook Chris to the core, but she could never be the object of that love. Never.

"And Chris," Zee gave her a knowing smile, "I think you know we can't help who we fall for."

Was this a jab—or at least a nudge to Chris's sexuality or to her complicated feelings for her best friend?

As to answer her unspoken question, Zee said, "You can't deny what's between you and Jim—"

"There is nothing between us," Chris jumped to say. "I don't know what he told you—"

"There might not be anything romantic between the two of you, but everyone with a thread of their wits can see there is something there. And it's not my place to tell you how to feel or even tell you how Jim feels, but you two have a real and deep connection." Was that jealousy in her voice? "Something neither of you might be able to explain but that you both feel, and deep down you know it."

Those words oddly sparked hope in Chris's chest. Maybe, just maybe, her relationship with Street wasn't wasted? But was it enough? What did Chris want?

"I'm sorry, Chris," Zee continued, interpreting Chris's silence as her defensive barriers spring up instead of the overwhelming emotions swirling through. "I'm not telling you what to do, but I need to know you'll be there for Jim. Because he will need you more than anything, even when he'll be trying to push you away."

No doubt he will try. And if Chris will be pushing him back instead of pulling him closer, they will only grow farther apart.

"I need to know you won't let him do that, that you will not abandon him." She stepped closer, and her green eyes, dark and pleading, bore into Chris's. "As you know, he already has quite a history with people who claim to love him but just hurt and abandon him. Let me be the last one on the list. Break the cycle. Promise me you won't leave him alone even when he'll think alone is all he wants to be."

"You're asking me to pick up the pieces after you shatter his heart again. To clean after your mess," Chris summed up, blood coursing fast and hot in her veins. Of course, she will not leave Street alone, but… how?

Guilt crossed Zee's eyes, but she kept her composure. "I am. And judging from your reaction and what I know about you, you will."

"Street didn't let me clam up and self-destruct when I was the one grieving," Chris spoke around the lump in her throat. "I'm not letting that happen to him."

"Good." Zee let out a shaky breath. "Good. But—"

What now?

"Please, don't speak to him about this and do anything until…" she shrugged one shoulder. "You know."

Chris's gaze caught Zee and held the storm brewing there.

"This is the one and only secret I'll have with him, and I swear to you I'll let him know about this conversation we had before it's too late. I'll write a letter in case it all happens too fast and I can't…" Zee's voice trailed off as a tear cascaded down her cheek. She swiped it away. "This won't be on you, I promise, but—"

"I'll keep your secret," Chris surprised herself saying. If she ran interference now, if she tried to make Street change his heart, she wouldn't just kick a woman who was already down and cause harm to an innocent child, she would also indubitably drive her best friend further apart from her. And then, she wouldn't be able to help him when he would need it the most.

"Thank you," Zee breathed out, swiping away more tears with shaking hands.

"Here," Chris reached for the fridge, taking out the lemonade jar and filling Zee's glass. She was too pale, and Chris feared she could faint right there where her daughter could see her.

Who would have believed Chris would step up to comfort the woman who was about to destroy Street in ways no one had ever done? But was it really this woman's fault? Or Street's? For sure not little Jamie's…

This was a royally messed up situation like nothing she'd ever seen. And she'd been witness some sh—

"Thank you," Zee said with even more conviction, locking her gaze on Chris.

While all thoughts cleared Chris's head, leaving an echoing void, a tremulous silence stretched long. What to say? What to do?

And then Street came into the house. Perfect.

"Everything okay here?" he asked, his wide eyes scanning the scene in front of him, his gears clearly working non-stop. He looked from Zee to Chris, then back to Zee, circling the kitchen island to get to her. "You've been gone awhile and—"

"We're good." Zee rested a hand on his chest and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek.

Chris focused her attention on the cold jar still in her hand, uncomfortable to the bones.

"I just need to freshen up a bit now that the restroom is free," Zee said, smiling first at Street, then at Chris.

From Street's look, Chris knew he would later inquire about this awkwardness he interrupted, but for now, Zee had managed to extract herself from the situation without lying. In order to do the same and buy herself some time to think, she needed her wits sharp.

"Thanks for taking the lemonade to the kids on your way out, Chris. Sometimes keeping them hydrated while they play is the real challenge." Zee offered her a smile. "I'll be right out with you guys."

Chris nodded, sidestepping Street while avoiding looking him in the eye, afraid he would read into her too easily.

"You sure you okay?" Street asked Zee before Chris was out of earshot, worry clear in his low voice.

"Fine," Zee stated again. "Go back to your friends. I'll be right with you, I promise."

Chris couldn't resist a glance back, catching the two kissing tenderly for a brief moment. Then Zee headed for the restroom, leaving Street looking a little lost, staring at her back. A pang hit Chris's chest, and she had to get out to the fresh air.

After all, her gut had been on point again. Zee was good at this deceiving thing, even without lying, and Street would be the one suffering from it.

… … …