BELLY

He held the door of the restaurant open, allowing me to exit first. The lights of Times Square were already so bright, and it was only 4 PM. It was astonishing how loud the city was, yet it didn't bother me in the slightest.

„I'm sorry Belly." Conrad said, out of the blue.

„You've been apologising quite a bit lately." I said with a forgiving smile, I wasn't mad at him; I couldn't be.

„I know, but what happened back there was uncalled for." He sounded almost sad. Was he regretting the fact that he wanted to kiss me or that he even mentioned the possibility of our kiss?

„Yeah, ordering two banana splits instead of sharing one was uncalled for. I don't know if I'll fit my dress now." In my efforts to lighten up the mood I giggled a little. He looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

„It's okay Connie" I added, and he nodded, thankful for clearing up the situation.

The problem is, it should have been awkward; it should have felt uncalled for. I should feel guilty and dirty, I was a disappointment to Jere. If he knew how close I was to jumping into Conrad's arms, he would never speak to me again. He shouldn't ever speak to me again. I should feel ashamed. I deserved nothing, nobody. But when Conrad looks at me like that, he doesn't even realise it; he stops time, he takes me to my calm, happy place. He brings sunshine in a room without windows. Being around him was like stepping into the ocean for the first time in months. Being around him was like coming out for fresh air after drowning, like washing sand out of your hair. Being with Conrad was like listening to your favourite song for the very first time.

We got back into the hotel and he suggested he got ready first, since he would be done quicker. I sat on the armchair in the corner of the room and pulled out my phone. Four messages from Jere.

„Conrad posted a pic of u on his insta, what the hell?"

„Belly thats not cool, is that his shirt u have on?"

„I bet u're in ur hotel room, hope u 2 have fun"

„Belly answer me, what the fuck is going on?"

Completely confused, I logged into Instagram only to find that Conrad had posted a story. He rarely posts anything on Instagram. I clicked on it. It was a picture of the New York Skyline, taken from the rooftop of the observation deck. I was standing in front of it, my back turned to the camera. I couldn't recall that picture being taken. It was a beautiful, dreamy picture, encapsulating our day thus far. The light was hitting my hair, making my dark hair appear slightly lighter, with some reflections creating uneven highlights. I was indeed wearing his flannel shirt he was wearing over his navy t-shirt, he lend it to because it was very windy up there. It was way too big for me, and you can see it blowing in a certain direction in the picture. The Empire State Building stood in all its glory in front of me, which was likely why he captioned the picture with „most beautiful view".

I couldn't help my lips forming a small smile, thinking about our amazing day. That smile quickly turned into a frown remembering the messages from Jeremiah. Not wanting an argument to ruin my perfect day I decided not to call him, but instead I simply replied.

„I didn't know he took that foto of me, I was wearing his shirt because it was cold, nothing happened."

I quickly put my phone away, not wanting to deal with this right now. I was obviously staring way too long at that picture, since Conrad walked out of the bathroom, wearing a white button up shirt and beige pants.

„Thank you for stalking me." I teased, it took him a second to realise I was referring to his instagram story.

He responded, „Well… You like taking pictures of the city, I like taking pictures of you" probably not wanting for it to sound as flirty as it did.

It was my turn to get ready, otherwise we wouldn't be ready in time to head to the stadium. I walked into the bathroom, it still felt like a steam room since there was no windows. I noticed his phone next to the sink. It was glowing, I wasn't typically a noisy person, I would never read what was on his phone, but when I saw in the corner of my eye that the person he texted was „mom" I instantly took his phone to see.

„I'm so happy mom, we're having the best time together." He wrote to her.

I was confused, why was he still writing to his mom? I didn't read the rest of the messages; I just saw there was quite a few in the last couple of weeks. I walked outside to find him standing in front of the bathroom. He probably didn't want to walk inside, disturb me, but he figured out his phone was missing. I smiled and handed it to him, he saw that it was still unlocked and that I probably saw who he was texting.

„I still text her sometime; it eases my mind." He said in a shaky voice, he shouldn't be embarrassed about this.

„I miss her too." I said just above a whisper. It was such a painful thing to say, to make her death so present in our conversations made it feel like living through it all over again.

I walked back into the bathroom and got ready, we bought fun glitter that I could put on my face to complete my make up look. I got cowboy boots to match my cowboy hat and the purple dress looked even better today than it did yesterday. I felt happy seeing how the ruffles swung when I moved. It was beautiful, we picked well.

He didn't forget the cowboy hats, he was wearing his when I stepped out of the bathroom. He glanced up from his phone and flashed his widest smile. He stood up and walked over to me.

„You look—" He tried forming the words he wanted to say, but instead he only let out a deep, long breath out, his smile never leaving his lips.

„We should go." I picked up my small purse from the bed and lead us out of the room.

We took the elevator down to the underground garage, where he parked the car. This time, he leaned against the opposite side of the elevator, his gaze not leaving me for a second. Having him look at me like that felt like he was undressing me. If the elevator ride had been a few seconds longer, I would feel completely naked in front of him. I was once completely naked in front of him. It was the most beautiful time of my existence. He kissed me everywhere, so soft, so long, that I felt it against my skin for days after.

Him closing the car door once I got in, snapped me back into reality. I turned to him and smiled wide.

„I'm so excited." I said and he leaned his hat forward, making me giggle.

As we approached the stadium, I noticed more and more beautiful girls wearing stunning Taylor Swift - inspired outfits. I wondered, was he looking at these girls, hoping to strike up a conversation with one of them? Meet up with her? Did he feel ready to start something new with another girl? Will it always give me this ache in my throat, as it does now? We got out of the car once he found a parking spot.

I had never seen so many people, walking in the same direction. Thousands of people, of all ages, laughing and talking. It was a comfortably warm afternoon, just chilly enough so my hair didn't stick to my face but warm enough my feet didn't shiver.

Once they checked our tickets and did the security check, Conrad said:

„Section 133, Row 16" He said, looking at the map of the stadium.

I squealed in joy once I saw how close our seats were to the stage.

„Conrad, that's lower bowl!" My happy dance was very short, I gave him a quick excitement hug and we made our way to our seats.

The view was amazing, I could see the whole stage. Conrad said he will get us some snacks and drinks, so I sat down and took a couple of pictures. It took him quite some time, and the supporting acts were already on when he returned with two cokes and large popcorn. I thanked him, and he sat down next to me. I saw some girls nearby check him out, he didn't pay much attention to anyone else but me. His whole body was turned to me as we tried to toss the popcorn into each other's mouths, laughing like two kids. Everything can be a good competition when it comes to the two of us. We weren't keeping score, but I never missed.

„Applause" by Lady Gaga began playing, and if TikTok had taught me anything, it's that it's almost showtime. The countdown was over and the dancers started making their way out. Conrad encouraged me to stand up with him. Thick fog started coming out and dramatic music started playing. It was all so exhilarating. Conrad and I were screaming together and once Taylor came on stage, the entire crowd went feral, including the two of us. She started singing and we were jumping up and down, screaming the lyrics along with 82 thousand of other people, some of which were crying, some were screaming, thinking they're the happiest person on earth, but they were wrong.

It was me. I was the happiest. Conrad and I danced, sang the lyrics to each other. We made videos and took photos of the show and each other. Our bracelets, which we got at the entrance were already glowing, and Conrad explained to me how they work. They were creating the most beautiful colours all around the stadium, and you felt like being a part of the show.

By the time Taylor started singing the fifth song „Lover", Conrad slowly and very gently pulled me closer to him. With his face softly leaned against my ear, he said:

„I change my answer Belly, this song reminds me of you." His voice, the colour of the sky, his smile and the melody of the song, made me stare at him for one too many seconds than I should have.

We swayed together from side to side, singing the lyrics until, at the end of the song he took my hand and gave me a twirl.

Oh darling, you're my, my, my, my—"

with every „my" I did a spin, by the last one, I felt myself get dizzy and he leaned me back, holding me tight, not letting me fall. He held my hand in his with one and my back with his other hand. He was dangerously close to me, and I could almost feel his lips move as he finished the lyrics.

Lover."

I was out of breath, and he placed both of our hands on my heart, pulling me back up. It was a movie-like moment that could only be staged; these moments don't happen to people, to me. I was looking into his eyes and everything else disappeared — the crowd fell silent, the stage lights turned off. It was just Conrad and me and by the time I realised what I'm doing, Taylor started singing the next song and we both turned our heads towards the stage.

A girl from behind us, tapped my shoulder and I turned around.

„Hey, sorry to bother you—" I gave her a warm smile.

„You guys were so cute and I took the most adorable picture of you." She smiled and turned her phone around for us to see. It was a picture of me, leaned back and Conrad holding me, in the back the sky was painted in the most beautiful pink and blue colours and Taylor, holding her guitar. If I wasn't there moments ago, I wouldn't believe the picture is real.

„I will delete it, I just thought you guys might like it." She was so kind and airdropped Conrad the picture. We both thanked her before she said:
„You two are the cutest couple here." She said, deleting our picture from her phone.

„Oh no, no, we're not together, we're just—" I tried explaining myself, but I wasn't a fool, after a picture like that, who will ever believe me?

„Yeah, sure, whatever you say." She rolled her eyes playfully, as expected.

„Enjoy the show." I said to her with a smile, and turned around.

Taylor Swift was a born performer; she sang as if she never did anything else in her life. It was a spectacular show, with fireworks, fire, confetti, dancers and impressive light displays. I sang my heart out and I was impressed at how many songs Conrad knew as well. I rarely saw him enjoy himself this much; he looked so carefree one would think he was always like this.

By the time the ‚Evermore' Set started he said he wanted to go grab another drink. He was back pretty quickly with another drink and a clear bag that said ‚The Eras Tour' on it, he gave it to me with a smile.

„What is that?" I asked, looking up at him, our hight difference so obvious when he was in front of me.

„Look inside." That damn smile.

I looked inside and saw the washed blue hoodie I wanted so bad; I was telling him about it on the car ride here.

„But— How? It was sold out when we got here!" I held the hoodie in my hands and let out an excited squeal.

„I asked nicely." He chuckled a little, what a liar. He took a sip of his drink and gave me a flirty wink, which I recognised.

„Conrad Beck Fisher! You flirted to get the hoodie!" I laughed and snuggled up to him and gave him a weak, little hug. He rested his chin on top of my head, and I swear to you, whatever brings people together found the two most perfect puzzle pieces in us. His heart was beating fast against me, and I felt his hands wrap around me, his fingers clutching softly onto my dress. I thanked him under my breath, and I felt a smile form on his face.

We pulled away as Taylor started singing her next set, but that smile on Conrad's face didn't leave us for the rest of the night. It must have been due to the great show.

It was a night I will never forget. We danced to the point I had to take my shoes off, sang so loudly it will be a miracle if I can speak tomorrow. And maybe it was just for the night and not forever, but he and I, we were uncomplicated and true.

After the last song and the fireworks, we made our way out. The queue was very long as everyone wanted to get to their car as quickly as possible. Conrad held his arm around me so we wouldn't get separated in the crowd. We were talking about how amazing the show was and how impressed we both were that she pulled off the whole show like a champ.

It was a long way back to the car, but luckily I had my new hoodie I could wear over my dress, so it wasn't as cold. Once inside, we got stuck in traffic.

„Belly, I'm done." He said, looking straight at the road ahead.

„Done with what?"

„With this. Pretending I'm not in love with you." He answered, his voice steady, without a single shred of doubt.

„Conrad, please—" I needed for him to understand that this isn't smart.

„No, it's fine, I'm patient." He wore a very soft, relaxed smile that only left me more confused.

„I will wait for as long as we need. I'm so sure about this, I don't mind waiting for you to see that this is real." He added, bitting his lip and driving as if we were talking about the weather.

I decided to not say anything, and he understood I was lost for words. This wasn't the same story he was going for a couple of days ago at the party. He singlehandedly closed that chapter with me. Hearing him say that he feels that what we had was real, felt like having my heart broken all over again. I could feel every crack cut me again. It hurt because I felt like I lost something like that, and it hurt even more knowing we could have saved it. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment If I just so much as thought of him being what I needed. He gives and he takes away, he stays so he could leave, and he holds so he can let go.