A/N TRIGGER WARNING: Almost kinda sewerslide
Darcy
It was cold. I felt the floor beneath me; solid like stone. My throat was burning, but from the feeling of my lungs expanding and collapsing, I could tell that I was breathing. I press a palm into the floor, pushing my body up, before opening my eyes.
Around me was a ghost-like image of the pavilion, the once-solid doors moving like a misty illusion. In the distance there was just… darkness. Not even the gray sky was there. Or anything.
I stood up and glanced behind me, expecting to see Icy and Stormy—I fell, I think, so they would be worried knowing them—but no one was there. The Winx weren't here either. It was… empty, and I was alone.
This must've been the work of whatever potion Aria used. I shuddered at the memory of the mass clogging up my throat, before I started waking forward. I have to find a way out.
"Leaving so soon?"
I turned to see Aria standing in the center of the ghostly pavilion, toying with the potion bottle hanging from her necklace. I focused on my magic so I could attack her. Nothing happened. The only remnant I could feel of my magic was a feeling that it was still there, but I couldn't access it. That must be Aria's work. I tried to focus on the psychic part of my magic, though the only proof it worked was the ick of an intruder in my mind: Aria.
We're inside my mind.
I walked away from Aria. "It's my mind. I can leave when I want, and I'm certainly not obligated to stay here with you."
I heard a laugh from behind me. "If you're so sure of yourself, then leave. See if you can get out, but you won't be able to."
Aria was evidently mocking me, but I tried anyway to leave. There was no sight of this place or Aria going away, no feeling of leaving. I froze. If Aria is inside my mind and I can't use my powers, how can I stop her from getting into my memories if she chooses to? How can I get her out?
"You won't be able to get out, Darcy. Or use your magic, or even fight me." I turned around and saw Aria walking towards me. "I have a bargain for you, though. If you agree to it, you'll be able to leave this place."
I forced myself to look indifferent, Aria and I were meters apart. "In the pavilion, the real one, you said that you have orders from the Shaman Witch to kill me. I'm not going to bargain with you when that is your intention."
"What if I changed my intention…?" Aria asked coyly as she circled around me, a mask of a smile on her face. "Then what?"
"Then I still don't trust you."
Aria laughed. "I'm sure you won't." She came from behind me, standing in front of me, holding the vial hanging from her neck. "You'll never let me help you. Darcy… always the smart and rational one. It's hard to trust people when you're like that, isn't it?"
I thought back to waking up this morning, trying to hide my feelings—no! I can't let Aria trick me. I'm fine the way I am and I won't let her manipulate me. Stay calm and don't listen to what she says. She was sent here to kill you.
"Not particularly," I answered, reading every slight change of expression on the sorceress' face. "Just cut to the chase of what you want to say. I can tell you're trying to manipulate me, and I want no part in it. If you're here to kill me, just do it."
"You say you don't want to be manipulated, and yet, that's the only thing you've been doing to others your whole life," Aria said, eyes dancing. "That's a little hypocritical of you. Don't you think so?"
Oh, so this is what this is. I think about what Aria is saying. I've… done those things to a lot of people. Riven and… everyone else. But I have Icy and Stormy. I've never manipulated them. I'm not just what I did with my powers.
"You're wrong," I said, trying to hide the crack in my voice. "I've done more than just manipulate people. And I am done with this conversation." I turn around and walk away again. If this is my mind I can find a way out of here without having to deal with Aria. She clearly knows what she's doing. I can't spiral like I did on Diamond.
"You say that, and yet…" Aria mused. "No one really cares about you, and they only do when you force them to do so." I tense, forcing one step after another. "Your so-called sisters are only still with you because you're useful to them. Both of them are incompetent, so they're using you. How sad."
Anger shot through me and I turned around. "Don't you dare talk about Icy and Stormy that way!" Something was falling from my eyes, wet and cold. "They have been with me for years and it's not just because I'm useful to them!"
Aria tilted her head, absently tapping the potion bottle hanging from her neck. "That may be so…" She paused. "They are your sisters after all, but those fairies are another story. How do you know that they aren't using you? That they're purposefully leading you to your death?"
My mind was swarmed with so many different reasons why Aria was acting this way. She was sent here to kill me, so why is she trying to convince me that Icy and Stormy don't trust me but abandon that notion moments after? I can't read her mind to figure out her reasoning, and that bothered me. I was in front of the magi who wanted to kill me and I don't know what her plan is…
She was trying to convince me that the Winx were using me. I don't know more than that for now. Daphne and Faragonda aren't using me, Iorda had read their minds so she must know that the two are… somewhat sincere. How do you know that they aren't using you? Aria's words echoed through me. The Winx aren't using me, at least… I think they aren't. Flora and Bloom seem sincere, though… would Aisha go that far? The Winx would kill me if I got caught reading one of their minds, so I haven't, but then… how can I be sure that they aren't using me? That they aren't using Icy and Stormy?
I tried to regain my focus. Even if the Winx are using me, I know that Iorda isn't using me. I'm able to feel her emotions, so if she was using me I would have felt it, right? Even back on Ovrum, if she did that when we were enemies, she would do the same now. She forgives me. Or at the very least, she doesn't hate me. The conversation we had last time in Oscurita was real. Still awkward for both of us, but real. Or…
"I mean, you've hurt the Winx so much that it's not a surprise they would manipulate you. Especially that dark fairy that gives you utterly pathetic hope that you've changed from the manipulative, controlling, narcissistic witch you were." Aria chuckled. "Or, are."
"I have changed…" I insisted. "I would know if she is using me."
"Would you?" Aria asked, her eyes filled with false sympathy. What was she trying to do? "I hope I'm not being too pessimistic, but you have hurt Iorda so much, what's to say she wouldn't do the same to you? She can read you just as well as you can read her. She has the motivation for it. Iorda still fears you, and you know it."
I thought back to the fear I could feel from Iorda that I kept trying to ignore. "I know." Digging my nails into my arms I cross them over my chest. Aria's words… if Iorda, if any of the Winx, wanted to use me they…
"And it's all because of the past." Aria tugged the potion vial off of the thin rope around her neck, the vial snapping off. "This, Darcy, can help you get rid of it. You'll never have to feel guilt over the past again. Of how you had hurt others, manipulated others, and how you doomed your own planet. All of it can disappear."
Zenothe… It's been years since I've gone back there.
When I was a child—fourteen, fifteen years old—I started losing control of my magic. It took years before I realized that it was because of the Ancestors. Stormy had the same problem, not knowing how to have control of the unnatural amount of magic inside of us when we hardly had control over our own magic as is. The Ancestral Witches, apparently, had decided near that time we would be 'worthy descendants of their lineage of magic.' In other words, as I now know, it would be easy for them to mould and manipulate us.
After gaining their magic along with ours, Icy, Stormy, and I were broken from our homes. Icy from Diamond—which was the one situation out of the Ancestors' control—Stormy from Linfea, and myself from Zenothe. In the case of Stormy and I where our over-strengthened powers had developed before we ruined things for our families, I wonder if that was the plan of the Ancestors all along. To give us the magic knowing it would ruin whatever normal pleasures of life we had.
I remember the exact moment everything broke, but I was struggling to control my magic—particularly the psychic part of it—for several months before. My 'normal' magic was that of shadows, and gaining some new magic on top of that wasn't much of a problem considering I was at the top of my class in controlling my magic. But when I suddenly had new psychic and mental powers on top of that I started losing control.
Day after day I couldn't block out the thoughts of people around me, and in fear of hurting my family or my friends, I turned my powers onto myself. I would get excruciating migraines for days on end, and no one I knew had an idea of what the cause could be. I didn't know either. My mothers were evidently worried about my well-being, and it hurt them that they didn't know how to stop it. None of my relatives knew where the sudden psychic magic came from, for they were all pure shadow magi, at least those directly related to me. And because I had no one to blame or no idea what was going on, I blamed myself. I thought that I was the reason I was losing control, not knowing that I was just a pawn in someone else's plan.
The day I lost control and fled Zenothe I was walking home from school. The three friends I had—it's been so long I can't remember their names—had just waved me off, and I was struggling to block out their thoughts. Then I started walking home, trying to enjoy the view of the elegant buildings—both old and futuristic at once, built with white marble and wood-stained blacks and dark greens and purples—but there was a crowd around the route home because of an annual festival. The Festival of the New Night, which was celebrated on the day of the longest night of the year, was the biggest and most valued holiday on Zenothe. I wanted to go and celebrate with my friends and family, but I knew everyone there at once would be too difficult to be blocked out.
I struggled to hold up my mental barrier as I walked past everyone setting up decorations for the festival. There were so many thoughts all at once, and even before that my psychic magic was bringing pain to my mind, that they were being thrown up against my mind, and each one hurt. Planning preparations for the Festival, thoughts of what to do the next day, and even trivial comments on others were banging against my mental defences like a gong. I covered my ears in desperation and walked as fast as I could, and that walk soon turned into a desperate run as tears began to fall down my face.
There was too much pain, and the control I had was breaking. It wasn't a surprise that when I collapsed to the ground, screaming in pain, I unwillingly cast a spell. I couldn't even imagine back then that it affected everyone on Zenothe—it was unfathomable that I had that power—and when the people in my sight screamed their shrill cries before collapsing to the ground I froze before racing over.
I knelt next to the closest person near me—recognizing him as the teacher of potions and transformation from school—and cried next to his body. I saw his chest rising and falling, and in a hurry, I checked his pulse, but there was no other movement. Everyone the spell affected—including the professor I was sobbing over—their eyes were pitch black and clouded. I cried over the professor's body for dragon knows how long before I realized that my mind was silent. No one's thoughts were hurting my mind, and everything was silent.
I raced over to my house, praying that my mothers' would be fine. There were fallen bodies on the ground all the way there, and when I burst open the house's door, I saw that not even my family had been spared mercy from the spell. I had made all of them go silent. Every single person on my planet was in a trance, and I had no idea how to reverse it.
I released a shaken breath, not having acknowledged what happened so vividly for years. After all that I had gone to Linfea—sneaking into the Archive of Plants and Healing—looking for an answer or a cure. There I met Stormy, and I realized that she had the same problem that I did: controlling her newfound magic. Barely anytime later we met Icy in Magix, and years later when we ran into the Ancestral Witches and they told us the truth behind what happened—that they gave us these new powers—Icy had to hold Stormy and I back from burying the Ancestors into the ground. Later on, I tentatively seeked answers from Lilith if there was a cure to what I had done, but either there was no cure, or she hid what she knew from me on purpose.
Years have passed, and I'm still looking for a cure…
"It's hopeless," Aria stated. "All of this, looking for the saving grace for what you've done for years on end, must be draining." She held out the potion, a dark green liquid moving within it. "The memories, the guilt, can all go away if you use this. It will get rid of those painful memories within a second, and you will be free."
I stared at the potion. All I felt was a numbness that came from looking back on what I've done, both to Zenothe and the Winx and how hopeless it is to fix it. The best I can do is to forget all of it, then… maybe I don't have to be afraid. To show what I feel without the fear of doing the same thing to the people I love as I did on Zenothe.
I looked at Aria, carefully taking the vial out of her hand. "This will only get rid of the bad memories? Not the ones I want to keep, right?"
I still wanted to remember Icy and Stormy, even the few good moments I've had with the Winx. The conversation with Stella in the dorm wasn't too bad, as well as the conversations with Iorda. If I forget everything in the past that brings me guilt then I can live the way I want to live without having this… this weight over me.
"Yes," Aria nodded, smiling. "None of the memories you cherish will be gone. Only the things of the past that bring you guilt will disappear. Everything can go away, Darcy. You just have to take the potion, that's all you have to do."
I held the vial, staring at it. I ran my finger along the cork stopper and the patterns along the outside of the glass. The green liquid within the vial was still, dark like grass and the night sky all at once. If I drink this will all the guilt really end? When I forget about Zenothe and everything I've done will I be able to live happily and without guilt? This, the potion, is the easiest way out of this.
I pulled out the stopper, letting it fall to the floor—
There was another intruder in my mind. I turned around, looking into the darkness, but the only one I could see was Aria. A second passed before I looked behind me, and several meters back I saw an illusion fading in and out of sight.
"Darcy! Don't listen to her!"
I recognized the voice before the illusion became clearer, and I realized that Iorda entered my mind somehow. The illusion of her was blinking in and out, and it was clear to see that it was her. She must have projected herself here, and seeing her here made me even more sure of my decision.
"Why shouldn't I listen to her?" I yelled, stepping forward, forcing myself not to brush away the repressed tears that were falling down my face. "I have lived with so much guilt for years and it hasn't gone away! People say it gets better but it never does! I'm not going to live my entire life hating myself, so give me one damn reason why I should have to remember everything! Why I have to live like this!"
Iorda's eyes widened before her face softened in sympathy. I didn't know why she was being sympathetic even after everything! She was silent. I was silent. Aria behind us was silent. Iorda didn't know what to say—she couldn't think of a way to convince me out of this choice—and that was enough for me.
"Exactly." I glared at her before turning around, raising the vial up to my lips before pausing. I took a breath, knowing that I can't regret what I'm about to do—
"Maybe the reason it hasn't gotten better is because you haven't acknowledged it!"
I pause before turning around, feeling relieved and annoyed all at once. Iorda looked panicked—for whatever reason—and seemed to feel remorseful that she had yelled her words. I didn't turn my back on her again, because I might as well hear what she has to say. It… it won't change my decision though. I need to do this.
Iorda took a deep breath before sighing. "If you bury those things for years on end, Darcy, you're never going to be able to heal from it. Believe me, it is so hard to do, but the journey to heal from everything is worth it." She's shaking. "You may feel like you hate yourself, but there are people who don't, even with everything that went on. Icy and Stormy are out there praying that you'll wake up and they care about you. That—" She gestured to the potion. "Won't help you. Aria was sent here to kill you! You can't trust her!"
"She's lying," Aria whispered, but I could hardly hear her through the flood of emotions overwhelming me.
"You say that, but how do I know that I can trust you?" I questioned, trying to ignore the hysteria in my voice. "Out of all the Winx, you have the most reasons to want me dead! I know that you are still—" I swallow a sob. "Are still afraid of me! I can feel it! How can I trust you when I've hurt you like I did? Why are you even trying to save me when I've done those things?"
Iorda's projection was fading out of view, flickering like a dining light. "I'm trying to help you because I care about you!" She paused, regaining her composure. "I understand why you did those things back then, and I don't resent you for it. I don't want you dead, and I never, ever, have wanted you dead." There were tears falling down her face, or was it just the projection fading? "Darcy, you are an amazing, beautiful, kind person who deserves so much, and I'm not just saying that because I can feel your emotions. You know that as much as I do, and what I feel is a girl who has been hurt. I'm trying to save you because I know you, the real you; and the you I see is someone worthy of living a good life. But that potion won't fix anything, okay?" She wiped away the tears on her face. "You can trust me."
I froze. She… doesn't resent me for what I did back then? I think back to the times I've felt her emotions, and even though I've felt her fear I have never once since I came to Alfea felt resentment. I could only feel my heart beating, and it was echoing through my ears. The fact that even in the past she hasn't wished I was dead didn't—it didn't make any sense. But there was so much raw emotion in her voice that she couldn't be lying. I've never thought of myself as kind—not since I… destroyed Zenothe's people—so how can I be kind like Iorda says? Can I really trust her words? Would listening to her help me more than forgetting everything will…?
Aria was not saying anything and neither was Iorda. I had to rely on myself to make the choice. Taking the potion will make me forget all the memories that bring me guilt, and it will allow me to be free. On the other hand… Iorda says I can trust her. She says that doing this won't fix anything. Is she right?
The projection of Iorda was fading more than ever, and I could barely see it, but I could still see the desperate look in her eyes. Did she actually care about my well-being? I glanced down at the potion in my hand, to Aria behind me—a smile of joy on her face—and then back to Iorda.
"Please," Iorda said, the image of her fading away like smoke. She knew that these would be her last words before she left my mind, and the moment I realized that I didn't want her to leave—to stop convincing me to hold on—was the same moment I made my choice.
If Iorda can trust me after all I've done, then I can learn to trust myself and who I am.
"Don't worry," I smirked kindly, recalling how at ease I felt when Iorda and I were talking together in Oscurita when everyone else was asleep. "I trust your judgment."
The second before her projection completely disappeared Iorda smiled, then she disappeared. I stared at where she was before I turned around, glaring at Aria whose eyes were still sparking with cunning, not realizing that she was not about to succeed in killing me off.
"Are you sure you—" Aria began, her tone light, but I've had enough of her mind games.
"I trust her, and maybe down the line I'll be able to trust myself," I interrupted, a smile on my face as I raised the potion up with new intent. "Way more than I trust the hag that wants me dead."
I smashed the potion against the ground—the liquid leaking out before disappearing—watching the look of horror on Aria's face as I did so. I sighed, chuckling as I wiped away the residue of my tears.
Then I felt it.
It felt as if I just became stronger within seconds, that I was myself for the first time in years. My magic was flowing through me like it was my blood and my very being. There was a feeling of hope and lightness coursing through me, and when I looked down, I saw that I was unwillingly levitating. I didn't even have to contemplate what was going on.
This was Inseimix.
Iorda
I jolted back into the real world with a start. For a moment, I still felt as if I was in Darcy's mind before I focused on the feeling of the stone floor pressing into my palms, the slight wind in the air, and the sound of the Winx—excluding Bloom—fighting Sona and Dagi. Darcy's body was still breathing, and I could feel that she now had a stronger hold on her mind and consciousness.
Icy whipped her head towards me, now realizing I was out of Darcy's mind. "Is she okay? Will she be able to get out?" She asked urgently.
I took a deep breath. Absorbing the poisons twice combined with this was tiring me out, but it hadn't drained my magic, so I didn't have to worry about not being able to fight. I met Icy's gaze, and my heart panged at the worry in her eyes. "I think she'll be able to get out soon. Aria clearly knew how to get to her, but she'll be fine."
I glanced at Stormy and Bloom. Stormy sighed, a small smile appearing on her face. She was so relieved, and it was beautiful how much she cared for her sister. Bloom was relieved as well, and she looked off to where the rest of the Winx were fighting Sona and Dagi. "I think the Winx need some help with the sorceresses."
I stand up, looking at the scene of the battle. Dagi was firing shadow beams one after another at the Winx while Sona was busy casting another gas spell. I closed my eyes in frustration. This will be the third time I have absorbed some sort of poison, and I don't know how much more I can take if I continue to use positive energy to avoid the risk of a flash occurring. I opened my eyes, ready to fight if it meant helping the Winx, ignoring the look of vague concern I could see coming from Icy.
"On it, let's go!" I stepped forward, preparing to fly as Bloom leapt off the ground and into the air before I paused, looking back at Icy and Stormy. "When Darcy wakes up she may be a bit startled, so… just a warning so she doesn't accidentally punch one of you two in the face."
Stormy chuckled. "Noted."
Focusing on the positive feelings of relief inside of me I jumped up from the ground and started flying towards the Winx. Tecna was holding up a barrier to keep the gas—even from my distance I could feel that it was poison—but Dagi's continuous attacks at the holographic barrier were starting to break and crack it. I focused my magic in preparation, telling myself that I would be able to do this.
Here goes nothing.
A/N Welp... This was seriously an angst-filled chapter. And yes, I have decreed that Darcy will have two mothers by the power of gay. This entire chapter was kinda gay honestly, I mean, Darcy got saved by her gf... If not for events in between the Darcy and Iorda's past they would most definitely become gfs, but because of The Past the title of gfs is platonic. aNyWaYs.
Hydrate, take care of yourself, and have a great day!
