A/N: It didn't feel right to say anything last chapter. My Delta Reader and I agreed that some things are best experienced unseasoned and I like to believe this was a wholly artistic choice and not one of exhaustion. It's been a busy summer. I got married, finished Crimson Tiger, started drafting a new fic for the MCU of all things, and went to two funerals for members of my family. It's the deaths that got to me, so I'm not moving as fast as I would like or feeling very peppy at the moment.

But I never forgot about you guys.

Thank you so much for the reviews over the past few months and thank you for waiting.

I'm back now and have more Sue's Curse for you, so:

On with the show!


Chapter 38&1: Where Is Artie Taking Me?

(Andromeda)

"Thanks for the chariot ride, Artie," I said thankfully.[1] I had to break the rules and warp space and time, but after all that effort, I had finally delivered my fourth and final note and I was sooooo glad it had been for Artie to give me this ride.[2] I hadn't talked with Artie much since I'd returned from the Sea of Monsters, but he was still as big, old, fugly, and adorkable as I remembered. I felt safe and sound around him.

Good old Artie replied, "It's the least I could do after you helped my son get into his new school that one time."

"No big," I said easily, "Leo is a cute kid. It was super easy to convince the principal to let him in."[3]

Artie chuckled. "You do have a way with people and words."

I smiled prettily even though dealing with the gods had really tested my patently patient powers of persuasion and agreed, "Yeah, I'm beautifully awesome, but so are you, Artie. You can be quite the charmer sometimes."

Artie looked away, blushing underneath all the soot on his face and mumbling something that probably only his big gray beard and a very nosy god should hear.

That's what I liked about Artie compared to a lot of other gods. Even though Artie might look like Cinder Claus, his soul still managed to be squeaky clean most of the time. That made all the difference if you asked me.

I almost placed a hand on Artie's hairy arm, but I decided to keep trying this asking before touching thing that Nico taught me, so my hand just hovered.

Artie glanced at me. His coal-black eyes stared at my hand and then Becky's necklace on my chest and then my eyes. Then he asked, "What is it, Andromeda?"

"Can I touch you?" I replied softly.

He swallowed. "'Course you can. Don't have to ask me."

"Righty-oh," I said, placing my hand on his arm. We both looked at how my small pristine dainty hand looked on his large dirty hairy arm before I went on to say, "I just wanted to say that I still have finding you a good and honest woman on my list of to-dos."

Artie nodded. "Yeah, I know you do, Andromeda. It's real good of you to look."

"You deserve it," I said truthfully before giving his arm a squeeze. Artie was such a sweet old man.

Artie abruptly lifted his arm and coughed, like a really loud ugly cough. He worked in the forge too much. After he sniffed and rubbed his nose, he said nicely, "Yeah, so uh, speaking of you being so good and stuff, I got some stuff that's good that I want to show you at my Lassen forge.[4] Did I mention it's good?"

"You did! And you do?" I said, perking up for a little, but then I perked back down. "I'd love to go Artie, but I don't know if I have time. Maybe you can show me at the winter solstice?"

Artie scowled. He did not like group events because he was so shy around other people, especially goddesses.

"Or you can visit me on my next quest," I offered. "How's that?"

Artie's scowl deepened into blackness.[5]

"Artie," I began, knowing exactly where we were going. "Not you too…"

"I'm sorry, Andromeda, but…" Artie began lyingly, "have you ever seriously considered taking Dad's offer? It's good."

"Not yet. I'm only 15, Artie," I argued.

"No 'only' about it. 15 is basically middle-aged for a demigod. Take it from the guy who makes the weapons. Lot of people don't make it to their adulthood doing what you do," he declared grimly.

"But I'm not most people, Artie," I said accurately. "I'm special and Chiron says I need to train for my destiny."

"Chiron thinks everyone needs to train for their destiny," Artie complained, dismissively. "It's all he knows, but you're right, Andromeda. You are special. And even if Dad weren't breathing down my neck to have this talk, I'd still tell you that you're too special to die a hero's death."

"Artie…" I said wafflingly.[6] Before I had never really thought about accepting the ultimate golden handshake since it seemed like too big a question for a teenage girl in her first bloom, and "What would I even do up there?" I found myself asking.[7]

"Anything you want!" Artie said excitedly. "I know I'd come see you as often as you'd let me. I would make you anything and everything. We could take all the time we needed to get things just right because we would have an eternity together."

I stared at Artie.

"And uh…so would everyone else," he added. "They would love to have you, platonically, you know, as a member of the family forever."[8]

Forever with my family who loved me?

I thought about Nico. He seemed so smiley and comfortable when he talked about his parents. He had a home and he was growing up and growing wise, saying all that stuff. Not that it was wise stuff. It was the type of sage advice that was too silly to take out to lunch. In fact, I didn't know why I was thinking about it again.

It was all bubbles and bows.[9]

Of course, I needed to be perfect. I was Andromeda Sunshine, the progeny of the one true sky father.[10] I was going to reign supreme as the best hero of all time. Every man on the planet was going to learn my name and pledge themselves to my perfection. I couldn't wait for when Peter yielded to my friendship. He was going to be at my perfect wedding and see me and Luke…

Luke!

How could I forget?

"No, Artie," I said decisively, "There's no way José that I can accept retirement when Luke is missing. He's my one true love. It's my duty to find him so that I can marry him and live happily ever after."

"True love…Marriage…Don't know what's worse," Artie repeated coldly, but then he said hotly, "They're both crazy bitches who can't be trusted!"[11]

"Language Artie! We've talked about this," I chided remindingly.

"Right," Artie said, coolingly, "Sorry. I'm working on it, really. I just…" His hands gripped the reins tightly.

"You just need to remember that badmouthing your mother and your ex only hurts your likability, not theirs," I said remindingly.

"Yeah, I know…" he said, his hands relaxing.

"Goody!" I said with a nod. I hadn't had to call anyone out on their language since Peter. I couldn't believe I'd be seeing Peter and the others soon. "Artie, are we there yet?" I asked excitedly.

"Uh-huh!" he said, cheerful again, "My forge is right down there."

I looked down at the lake that was the color of the dying blue of a daylight sky. "I thought you were taking me to your school," I said questioningly.

"Uh…"

"Artie!" I said forebodingly, "Are you trying to kidnap me?"

"What!" he cried. "No! No, 'course not! I don't do that anymore."

"Are you surer than Shirley about that?" I challenged glaringly, "because Leo told me a beastly story about—"[12]

"This is different!" Artie rushed to say. "You'll only be at the forge for a little while, honest. And I promise you're not missing much at the school anyway, only a bunch of boring PR stuff."

"What sort of boring PR stuff?" I pressed. Artie and I had very different ideologies on what counted as boring.

"An employee harassment trial," Artie said dismissively, "Happens all the time. The PR bots know what to do."

I frowned. "Is someone named Peter Johnson in trouble?" Ever since he had befriended Percy, Peter had become a magnet for mischief.

"Don't know…it's possible?" Artie said defensively. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, Artie, it matters. As Peter Johnson's quest mate and future bestie, I have a responsibility to ensure he is on the right side of the law," I declared prettily.

"As his future bestie?" Artie repeated.

"Yup!"

"Not his girlfriend?" Artie asked.

I shook my head. "Peter's too short and I told you: I'm holding out for my one true love: Luke. Now, check please," I ordered nicely.

"Oh, alright," Artie grumbled. He started poking at his watch. "No Peter Johnson. It's just a case between two satyrs. Like I said boring PR stuff that happens all the time."

"A couple of satyrs. I see," I replied, sagely. I knew exactly what I had to say. "Okay-dookie Artie, if that's all then I should definitely visit your workshop. As long as we make it to the trial before the final verdict, everything will be up to mark. You grok that, Spock?"[13]

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Artie promised quietly, still squinting at his watch.

"Also, since I'm here…" I pulled out Peter's sword from the big knapsack bag. It was as strikingly majestic as when I first picked it out. "…do you think you could give this a domestic form?[14] It's kinda big to just carry around," I said accurately.

"Hmm…" Artie said, glancing over at the weapon, "Can't make it lighter. Material won't allow for it, but I could give it a more compact appearance."

"Smashing!" I said chipperly, "Let's hop to it then."

Together we landed and entered the forge which was a lot nicer than the one I'd visited in the Sea of Monsters.[15] This one was done up in twilight colors. The machinery was dusk orange, the walls were evening blue, and the automatons were all sunset pink!

"What do you think?" Artie asked me.

"Sparkle and shimmer, I think it's a winner," I told him.

Artie looked pleased as punch.

I added smilingly, "I'm really digging these pink automatons. They seem friendly."[16]

"Thought you'd like the rose gold finish," Artie said proudly before he called, "Casper, Edmund, Jake, come here so Andromeda can inspect you."

Three of the male automatons came over to us. I gave them a good look-see and a smile. "This one looks like a slender strawberry-blonde Luke. This one looks like a tall dark-ginger-rose Nico. And this one…" I frowned. "Who's this and why isn't he wearing a shirt?" [17]

"He Never Wears One," the Not-Nico bot complained.

"I Do Not Need One," the shirtless bot said cockily as he flexed at me.

I gave Artie a bewildered look.

"I read that teenage girls liked this sort of thing," Artie said flusteredly.

I sighed. Artie, Artie, Artie, so innocent, so naïve, but he meant well.

The Not-Nico bot was cute. The Not-Luke bot unfortunately suffered from too-soon syndrome. As for this other one, well…"Artie, I've told you before: I'm not like other girls."

"Can I Marry You, Miss Meda?" the Not-Luke bot asked suddenly.

"No," I said, completely uninterested in everything he represented.

"You don't like them?" Artie prompted, sadly. "Would it help if I told you Jake can turn into a dog? Show her Jake."[18]

Jake got down on all fours and turned into a brownish-pink husky. His sad rutty eyes looked up at me, so I said generously, "I think J-pup is swell. I think they all are swell because you made them for me Artie. And if they want, they can come to camp and join my fan club."

J-pup barked and Artie, Not-Nico, and Not-Luke smiled at me because I was the best of course.

With a big kind smile in return, I said amply to Artie, "Now, what else you got?"


Footnotes

[1] Artie is Andromeda's nickname for Hephaestus. I assume it's because he makes art, but it's not explained. It is also a new thing that starts in this fic.

[2] Yes, I am aware there's a huge gap (and a couple notes) between Andromeda leaving the Underworld and her catching a ride with Hephaestus. You haven't missed a chapter. Most of Andromeda's activities will simply be revealed later.

[3] Yes, I do think she's referring to that Leo.

[4] Lassen probably refers to Lassen Volcanic National Park in northeastern California which is home to inactive volcanoes and beautiful deep blue lakes.

[5] I assume blackness here means being in a black mood aka a bad mood.

[6] Waffle is not just a breakfast food. It's also a verb which means: to use many words but say nothing important and avoid stating a clear opinion or making a decision. I assume Andromeda is referring to the latter definition.

[7] After the end of the Lightning Thief fic, Zeus offered Andromeda the chance to become a god. It was kind of a joke, but apparently not anymore.

[8] As platonic as Greek gods can be…

[9] I assume she means bubbles and rainbows which are both things that are pretty and can't last.

[10] According to Wikipedia, sky father is a term for a recurring concept in polytheistic religions of a sky god who is addressed as a "father", often the father of a pantheon and either a reigning or former King of the Gods.

[11] Marriage meaning Hera and love meaning Aphrodite…but it's still funny to hear Hephaestus say it like that.

[12] This might be an Airplane! Reference. Surely, his name is not Shirley.

[13] A super nerdy version of 'Do you understand?' that combines Stranger in a Strange Land's 'grok' with Star Trek's Spock.

[14] This is a term made up by this fic. I checked and it doesn't look like the PJO wiki has a term for what the misted objects (like Percy's pen sword) are called.

[15] It was very messy in Sea of Monsters. Andromeda earned her shield by cleaning it.

[16] The automatons that Artie had before were clingy and mean to Andromeda like most girls are.

[17] Yes, I do believe this is a reference to Jasper, Edward, and Jacob of Twilight.

[18] My Delta Reader tells me that Jake the dog might also be an Adventure Time reference.


A/N: As Andromeda was warned, things will continue to change and get even stranger around here. I'm sure some of you have already noticed something is off.

I hope you are all more ready for this upcoming arc than she is and that you'll leave a review sharing your thoughts.

That's it. I'll talk to you all later.