One-Shot: The One With the Label Maker and the Mistletoe

Chandler Bing was panicking.

Not, in his usual way, no, which often involved his feelings towards women. And no, by "his feelings towards women," it does not mean what one might assume – Chandler was the farthest thing from gay.

Just the same, his reason for panicking involved his feelings towards a woman – specifically, the woman who was his best friend.

Whom Chandler was now starting to realize he wanted as more than a best friend.

Monica Geller was sweet. She was quirky, a little high-strung perhaps. OK, high maintenance. She was fastidious, but also passionate, free-spirited and funny, though not in a weird and sometimes creepy way like Phoebe.

Monica was very clear in the goals that she wanted out of life, which made her vulnerable, yet also honest.

And it was beginning to dawn on Chandler that everything about Monica, everything he appreciated and even adored about her…. was everything that he wanted in a woman.

That was when it had hit him like a bolt of lightning: he was in love with Monica. Not just loved her, though he had told her that once, off the cuff, when she had danced with a fully cooked turkey on her head just to make him laugh. He was in love with her, which was something he had never said to her. Or any of the girls he had dated, really.

He didn't pause to consider what exactly the difference was between loving a person and being in love with them, though Chandler expected it made a huge difference. But that wasn't what concerned him at the moment.

At the moment, what was making Chandler panic was the fact that he couldn't escape not only this undeniable conclusion, but also that he couldn't escape the uncontrollable urge to do something about it.

He had to tell her.

Not just in any old way. It had to be some sort of grand gesture, something that would make his intentions clear and not be in any way misinterpreted. But Chandler didn't know how to express himself and his true feelings in such a soul-baring way. So all that was left was to turn to the rest of his friends to help him.

No, not the girls – Rachel and Phoebe would just go running to Monica and ruin everything.

And no, not Ross, who just happened to be the older brother of the woman that Chandler now desired. By this inconvenient fact alone, Chandler refrained from telling Ross about his feelings because he was fairly certain he didn't want to get decked.

That left Joey – probably the most hapless person in their friend group other than him when it came to romance. Thankfully, Joey at least knew how to get the girls – he just couldn't keep them beyond one night.

Given that Chandler, who had always found himself pretty impotent when it came to picking up women, letting alone keeping them, was attempting to woo his best friend, the fact that the only person he could turn to for help was his giglio, struggling actor roommate for romance advice left Chandler in a pickle. Still, he turned to Joey anyway, knowing that he had the other man's complete trust, if not exactly the confidence that Joey's advice for how to woo and win Monica would be in any way sound.

It was nearly Christmastime, and the boys found themselves walking along the streets around Central Perk, their favorite coffee haunt, batting around ideas for Christmas presents for their friends. Once he had learned of Chandler's secret and his intentions for taking action, Joey had been only too eager to help.

On this cold, winter's morning, Chandler was regaling Joey with the erotic dream he had had of his best friend the night before – the vision of Monica, looking lovely in a simple sundress, had been all that was needed to make Chandler aroused. His infatuation had only gotten worse upon awakening and meeting Monica, wearing a fetching blue turtleneck, out in the hallway. The way she had beamed at him….

"When she smiles at me…. I get all choked up….. my heart starts pounding and I can't breathe!" Chandler ground out to his good friend.

"Good!"

Chandler stared. "That's good?!"

"Excellent, in fact!"

Chandler buried his head in his hands. "I've never felt this way about anyone before….. I want to get her something! For Christmas. Something special! ….. But what?"

Joey shrugged. "Well, there's always the usual things: flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep…."

Chandler glared. "That would have been fine – for the old me, Joe! I want to give Monica something that lets her know how much I care for her!"

"OK, so let's take what we know about your lady love…" Joey waggled his eyebrows at Chandler suggestively. "…. And try to think of something that will leave her hot and bothered and wanting you…." His eyes suddenly trailed off, as his attention was drawn to across the street. "…. Something like that….."

Thinking that Joey was trying to beat him to a great gift idea Black Friday style, Chandler windmilled his way frantically across the street to reach the display window first. When his gaze followed Joey's to what had caught the other man's eye, he pulled up short.

"A….. label maker…..?"

"Not just any label maker, my besotted buddy!" Joey clapped Chandler on the shoulder. "A Brother P-Touch label maker! It's top of the line. I bet you Monica doesn't have anything like that!"

Chandler squinted in the display window to read the price tag. "How much is it?" When he found out, he blanched, before squaring his shoulders. "I don't care. That's the perfect present for her!"

"Yeah, she's the only gal I know who could possibly get aroused from typewriter tape!" Joey quipped. The boys dashed inside the office appliance store.

"Yes, hi….." Chandler approached the store clerk. "I'd like one Brother P-Touch label maker, please? I'll pay top dollar!"


On Christmas morning, the friends were all gathered in Monica and Rachel's apartment to open presents.

Trying not to stare at his best friend and secret crush in her silky and sexy red pajamas, Chandler shyly held out his wrapped gift to Monica. Her expressive eyes gleaming, Monica reached for it, but Chandler held it back for a moment.

"You have to close your eyes." When Monica lifted an eyebrow skeptically, both amused and bemused, he amended, "It's a surprise!"

Finally, Monica trustingly closed her eyes. Chandler bashfully circled behind her and placed the present in her lap. He tried not to shiver as he overlay her hands with his, so he could help her open it while her eyes were closed.

"Can I open them?"

"Not yet….."

"Now can I open them?"

"OK…. Now!"

Monica opened her eyes and gasped as she took in the opened present. Her palms, both drawn to her mouth, were shaking as she lifted the box and examined it. "Chandler….. how did you….? I've – it's just what I've always wanted!"

"You…. you like it?" Chandler breathed, elated.

"It's wonderful!"

"Well," he shrugged. "It's yours!"

Giggling, Monica suddenly threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. It happened so fast, Chandler almost missed it; over her shoulder, he sent an ecstatic look at Joey, who gave him a thumb's up. Breaking apart shyly, Chandler stood up and circled the couch to grab a drink; clutching the Brother P-Touch label maker, Monica followed him. She touched his elbow, setting the label maker down on the table.

"You are too adorable to think of me…." Monica bubbled. "Chandler…. Thank you!"

She hugged him around the neck again. Chandler awkwardly hugged her back.

Just then, a tipsy Rachel cat-called, "Ooooh, look who's under the mistletoe….!"

Chandler and Monica lifted their heads as one: indeed, hidden in the rafters, was a sprig of mistletoe. The pair of best friends locked gazes, staring into each other's eyes.

Chandler gulped, his throat dry as he took in Monica's beauty – her doe eyes, and her mouth slightly parted.

"So…. you really like it?" Chandler rasped, referring to the label maker.

"Like it? I love it! I could kiss you!" Monica blurted out. At Chandler's widened eyes shifting up towards the mistletoe, she turned bright red and stammered out, "I – I mean…. I'd like to – may you?... May we….? – Wait. What?"

Chandler pecked her on the nose, causing her to stutter to a stop, gaping at his easy smile. "We may…."

Later, they would get into a playful argument over who exactly made the first move. As it was, just as Chandler was feeling a bolt of courage surge through him that made him pull Monica close, she stretched towards him. Pushing her mouth onto his, their lips met.

Fireworks. They pealed with a sort of triumph in both lovers' minds, and Monica felt herself gasp, so that her mouth fell open willingly against Chandler's, eagerly greeting and grappling with his tongue.

To the ever-delighted shock of both, the kiss deepened, and as Monica and Chandler embraced, she dreamily closed her eyes. Somewhere far, far away, their friends were hooting and catcalling, but it hardly mattered. Chandler and Monica were lost in their own world.

When they finally broke apart sensuously, Monica was breathing hard, her lips red and kiss-swollen; she looked adorably flustered.

"….. I'm in love with you, Monica."

She gaped at him, speechless, and Chandler communicated with his eyes how, for once in his life, he wasn't making a joke.

A long, heart-stopping moment as the couple ignored how all their friends (except for Joey, who smiled knowingly) were gawking. Finally, Monica beamed.

"I'm in love with you too, Chandler…." Looping her arms around his neck, she tilted her head and kissed him again, and Chandler kissed her back. He parted her lips with his and closed his eyes and did not care if he ever learned how to open them again.

Phoebe grinned triumphantly. "I knew it!" she crowed. "I knew they were in love! You see? Chandler is Monica's lobster!"

Finally breaking their long and dreamy kiss after what had felt like many sunlit days, Monica burrowed herself in her new lover's arms, Chandler dazedly grinning down at her.