"DERVIS! Bail out the water faster, we're sinking!" Stephanus shouts, as Dervis panickedly tries to dump the water off of Cuba before it can cause the nation to sink beneath the waves. The cause for Cuba's sudden crisis is the unexpected arrival of Suave Steve, who crash-landed after hurtling uncontrollably through the air for the past three months, surviving off of migrating geese and rainwater.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Dervis says, pouring another bucketful of water back into the ocean.
"Hi going as fast as I can, I'm Dad!" says Dad, whose momentary appearance on the island is enough to make it start capsizing.
"ABANDON SHIP!" Stephanus shouts, jumping into the only lifeboat attached to the island. Dervis scrambles after him, falling into the boat just as Cuba is sucked down into the ocean, taking down Suave Steve with it. "You've really done it now, boy. Not only are we all out of missiles, we lost our damn island!"
"Hang on, I've still got that thing with me!" Dervis says, holding up Critical Afterthought, which is now a few inches larger than before. "We can still get more missiles from this, and we can always find or take over some other island, right? Everything's not so bad!"
"Oh, you're right. Yeah, let's just give it money and get a new island. Oh wait, we DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!" Stephanus screams in Dervis's face, before smacking him.
"Hey wait, what's that over there?" Dervis says, looking in the direction he was left facing after being slapped.
"Eh?" Stephanus pulls out his binoculars and looks where Dervis is looking, spotting an iridescent glow on the horizon. "Well, I'll be! It's our lucky day! That golden shine can only belong to one thing! DERVIS! Start paddling, I'll keep an eye on it!"
Dervis does as he's told, and as the boat gets closer, the source of the glow becomes apparent as being the Bay of Pigs, home of the Golden Swine. The deafening sound of hundreds of pigs squealing while crammed into the small loading bay becomes overpowering, and Stephanus starts yelling orders at Dervis again.
"ALRIGHT! GO IN THERE AND FIND THE SWINE! IF WE CAN GET THE SWINE, WE CAN SELL IT, AND WE'LL BE FILTHY RICH!"
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE PIGS!" Dervis responds, clutching his ears.
"WHAT? I DIDN'T ASK YOU ANY QUESTIONS, WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING ME? JUST GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE!" Stephanus makes an aggressive hand gesture to dismiss Dervis, and Dervis seems to get the idea. He pockets Critical Afterthought and jumps into the water, swimming to the Bay of Pigs. After reaching the bay, Dervis pushes his way through the crowd of seemingly infinite pigs, searching for the sacred swine. After jostling through what must be thousands of unruly hogs, he finally finds the Golden Swine, glimmering just as brightly as the legends foretold. Dervis tries to pick up the swine, but his feeble arms are far too weak to lift the Golden Swine. Critical Afterthought peeks out from Dervis's pocket, beholding the Golden Swine. While Dervis continues struggling to pull the massive pig, Critical Afterthought crawls up to it, before swallowing it whole. Dervis watches this happen, helpless to stop Critical Afterthought.
"NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! STEPHANUS IS GONNA KILL ME!" Dervis whines, but his words are lost amidst the constant squealing. Dervis grabs Critical Afterthought and shoves his way back through the crowd to exit the Bay of Pigs, where Stephanus is waiting for him. Dervis swims back to Stephanus, who gives him a nasty look, since he clearly doesn't have the Golden Swine with him.
"DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A JOKESTER, BOY? I SENT YOU IN THERE FOR A DAMN REASON!" Stephanus yells.
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Dervis responds, tapping his ears and pointing at the nearby Bay of Pigs.
"DAMN IT ALL! LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!" Stephanus gestures for Dervis to start paddling again, and once Dervis gets them far enough away from the Bay of Pigs, Stephanus starts yelling at him again. "So, why exactly did you come back EMPTY HANDED?!"
"I found the Golden Swine, I swear! But this guy gobbled it up!" Dervis says, showing Critical Afterthought to Stephanus.
"That's it, you're a lost cause!" Stephanus says, snatching Critical Afterthought out of Dervis's hand and shoving him straight out of the boat into the water. With the weight of Dervis removed, the lifeboat is able to take the skies, and begins flying towards the mainland, leaving Dervis stranded in the middle of the ocean.
Meanwhile, after finishing their ramen and sleeping through the night, the Alliterative Allies are up and ready to go bowling as planned. They head to the local alley, and just as Milo said, it seems that nobody else signed up to bowling during this time slot, so they basically have the whole place to themselves. After getting themselves situated, the Allies start to bowl, and none of them are really doing all that well. Stronk Sunday has the best throw, but since he can't roll the ball due to his stature, he has to throw it instead, which results in the ball being sent straight through the back wall of the alley. Calcium Chris keeps throwing gutterballs, and Milo just can't seem to get more than two pins per attempt. The only one who actually seems to be doing well is Blumbo, who's managed to get a single strike. Partway through the bowling session, the doors open, and three figures walk in.
"Well, well, well, boys, looks like we've got some competition here, eh?" says the apparent leader of the group, James Bowski. "We're the Bowski brothers, we run this alley, and it seems you guys didn't get the memo."
"Yes. You book the alley, same time as us? You must bet. Winner takes all." says Fyodor Bowksi.
"Split balls." says the third brother, Alias Bowski, while slamming his fist into his other hand.
"So, what's your wager?" James looks over the Allies, waiting for someone to make an offer.
"Actually, we just came here to have fun, we don't really have any money to bet." Calcium Chris starts to explain, but Milo stops him.
"Nah, we can do this. Let me see how much I've got." Milo takes out his wallet and opens it, causing a cloud of dust to come out. Milo turns the wallet upside down and shakes it for several seconds, until a half-eaten chicken bone and a business card for bully hunters fall out.
"This all you have?" Fyodor says. "I will match the bet."
Fyodor procures a single kopeck, and places it on a nearby table.
"Alright, the bet's settled! Pick out your three best bowlers." James says. The Allies do a group huddle, and after some deliberation, they split back up.
"We're gonna have Blue Blumbo go three times." Milo declares, and James shakes his head.
"No good, that just ain't in the spirit of the game. How about the blue guy, the red guy, and the green guy?" James says, pointing at Blue Blumbo, Red-Ant Revolver, and Dinomundo. The Allies all turn in shock to stare at the new arrival, but Dinomundo seems perfectly open to the idea, nodding in agreement. James whistles on his fingers, and the Bowski's personal referee, Referee (pronounced Skomlik), crawls out from behind the counter. As the competition begins, to nobody's surprise, the Bowskis are very nearly bowling a perfect game, and each time they hit a strike, they crack a joke with the other brothers and all of them let out a monotonous laugh. On the Allies' side, Dinomundo and Blumbo are doing alright, but Revolver is bringing down the score substantially, getting several gutter balls and not even a single spare. Before the game can complete, though, Peaswy comes running into the alley, gripping an uprooted Cyathocalyx Zeylanicus in hand, while Peaswy Special Edition is close behind, currently ablaze due to its overheating systems. While they're scuffling, Peaswy and Peaswy Special Edition cross in front of Dinomundo, and he hurls a couple of Spanish expletives at them, causing them to go tumbling into the ball return, taking out all the pins in the process. By the time the game is finished, Referee dramatically reveals the scores, and the Bowski brothers let out a cheering holler as their score is revealed to be over double that of the Allies. James Bowski scoops up the contents of Milo's bet, and makes a rude hand gesture at the Allies as he and the other Bowskis proudly walk out of the alley. The Allies, too demoralized to continue playing, sulk out of the alley, but Dinomundo stays behind to continue bowling by himself. Peaswy and its evil robot doppelganger come back out of the ball return, and continue battling, clashing Peaswy's Wii baseball bat with the other Peaswy's piece of rebar.
"Get off my ass, dude! Leave me alone!" Peaswy says as he continues swatting away the rebar.
"If only life were that simple…we wouldn't be here, would we?" Peaswy Special Edition responds, grabbing a bowling ball and chucking it towards Peaswy. Peaswy hits it back at Peaswy Special Edition with its bat, breaking the bat in the process. The ball hits the robot directly, sending it tumbling backwards into the wall and revealing a giant "W" logo on its bottom. Peaswy walks over to the overheating robot, prying the piece of rebar out of its grip.
"Heh…you know…you and I are not so different…why can't we just live like brothers, and rule this world together?" the robot says, but Peaswy isn't having any of it, so it just impales Peaswy Special Edition, the rebar instantly melting and soldering itself to the overheating electronics inside. Peaswy shakes its head, jotting this down as a bruh moment of all time, before waltzing right out of the alley.
