A/N: Here's a longer chapter to hopefully make up for it being so long. I hope you all enjoy and I'm so excited to share more. I also appreciate all of your reviews!

Chapter Thirteen

July 19th, 2018

It felt like she hadn't seen Sofia or Callie in months. Long days stacked into long weeks and it had been two and a half weeks since Arizona made the brilliant decision to not choose and to just do everything. What she forgot about, is that she still had to function as a human and as a mother.

When Sofia was away in New York, Arizona took on extra shifts. If she knew she wasn't going to be seeing Carina or anyone else that night, she stayed in the hospital more nights than not at some times in some kind of pseudo, self-assigned, call. She took over more OB calls and delivered babies many nights. It gave her something to do and kept her mind occupied. Other nights she shut herself in her office and was determined to the point of obsessive of looking over case studies.

The maternal mortality study and crash cart took up much of her time. She spent hours obsessing over all of it. She became, in some ways, two-dimensional in a sense. She once was a doctor, a wife, and a mother. Half of the time she was down to just two of these identities and the other half she was down to a single one.

She wasn't depressed, really. She was complacet in all of this and at least in the moment, enjoyed it. She liked how she saw how she was helping revitalize women's healthcare from the inside. She liked how she could choose to do what she'd like with who she'd like. She had begun to see her life as a series of problems with definite solutions. Everything was a puzzle and if she just spent long enough working out all the details she could figure it out.

With Callie, it was never that simple. Most of that was the allure of their relationship. It was complex and intricate the way their lives melded together. She couldn't just write it off as beyond her control, partially because it wasn't true and because Callie wouldn't let her.

Now, she had the opposite problem. Everything was additive and she never got a rest in the way she had gotten adjusted to. She couldn't disassociate to the point she could alone in Seattle. She was grateful she was able to be a mother full-time, again. Facetime and phone calls only did so much when you knew your child was the entire width of the United States away. Of course, she knew Sofia was safe, but not having her daughter with her was heartbreaking.

Over the last two and a half weeks, Arizona had divided her time up to an impressive extent. She got up early to commute to New Jersey several times to see updates on the site and sit in meetings in the makeshift boardroom. She was slammed with more surgeries than ever as her OR time was reduced to two or three days a week. Her administrative work took up much of her "spare" time.

There was a definite irony in the fact she had chosen to add all this additional stress to avoid the obvious solution of living with Callie halfway between the clinic and the hospital. She had spent most of the nights at Callie's apartment, anyway. It just felt more homey than her little apartment and it gave her a few hours at least of guaranteed peace. Sofia had also stayed there the whole time as Arizona had been working extra long days and often came home late, if at all.

But there was no getting around the fact that she had missed her girls deeply.

Today she sat in New York City traffic for close to an hour and a half down to the clinic. Traffic had been her worst enemy, it was her in bumper to bumper traffic and her thoughts. Needless to say, she had a lot of time to regret all of her choices.

She daydreamed how she could've been in bed snuggling with her daughter in these early mornings, or making breakfast and having coffee with Callie. These little moments of peace was what she was sacrificing for– what at this point–felt like hours in traffic with other grumpy commuters.

When she pulled in the parking lot she frowned. She had gotten so used to working with Callie again and the idea of trudging through a whole workday without her seemed tiring. They worked well together and balanced each other out. She loved and hated how much Callie knew her professionally as well as personally. She knew all her moves and how she thought. She knew how she liked her day scheduled and how she felt about a surgery from a single glance.

The clinic was anything but what Arizona was used to working in. They had been working in a construction zone practically. The existing site had good bones but had needed to be spruced up in order to be fully functional as a teaching clinic. Arizona was working out of one of the two good spaces although with little more than a desk, laptop, and a giant stack of paperwork. The other space was the temporary conference room as they started to have more concrete meetings.

"Dr. Robbins?" The construction manager, Robert, with a grumbly voice asked. She had dazed off in their meeting for who knows how long.

"Hmm?" She perked up.

"We were just going over the breaking ground ceremony." He added hesitantly.

"Oh, yeah, here, let me see." She reached out her hand and looked over the proposed schedule. She covered a yawn with her hand.

Something just felt so wrong. The ideas of solidifying this clinic as a permanent place and that place was so physically removed from her family felt nauseating. She had no roots here besides Callie and that was in New York. She didn't care about Princeton, New Jersey. It was just any other town to her, it wasn't special.

She nodded lazily.

It had a date and a time. It was supposed to be celebratory, the beginning of an exciting new chapter.

Arizona looked around dazed. She wasn't paying attention in the slightest. She felt a pit in her stomach. Something about this was so uneasy.

Arizona gulped awkwardly and after a few more minutes of a bland conversation, she showed him out.

Arizona retreated to her temporary office in between meetings. She slouched down in her chair, leaning forward onto her desk. She was running on such little sleep, if she had let her eyes stay shut for too long she might just drift to sleep.

A nagging thought kept her from crashing immediately.

Why does this feel so wrong?

She rustled through her bag for a reminder. She grabbed out her framed photo of her family.

She felt her heart beat in her chest. She perched it on her desk and held her hands close to her chest as she looked at her family. Her eyes narrowed on Callie's large smile. Arizona felt herself tear up. It felt like such a world away and she wanted nothing more than to hear her voice.

She rustled through her bag further to get to her phone. She pulled up Callie's name. Her fingers hovered over the call button. She just wanted to talk to her, she didn't know what she was going to say and she didn't care. She missed her.

She wanted to talk to her about anything and everything. She wanted to hear all the mundane and exciting details of her day. She wanted to know Callie was there.

Her cheeks felt hot and she felt her stomach creep into her throat.

She sighed and turned her phone face down on her desk. She rolled her neck.

The rest of the work day was filled with accountants, attorneys, and financial planners. They were all working toward making this clinic a permanent thing. Arizona felt sick.

She spent her time intermittently texting Nicole to no response.

Once it had struck six o'clock and her day still wasn't done, she went back into her office and faced off with a stack of financial documents she needed to sign and sift through.

Once it was finally nine, she was off to her last stop of the day. She had been texting throughout the day with one of her fellows back in New York and had needed to round on her patients again. Of course that was over an hour away and then one last commute home. Well, to Callie's home.


Their lives had gotten so busy once again. They were both so tired. Tonight was no different. Callie was left alone with her loud mind after putting Sofia to bed. When Sofia was awake she could distract herself somewhat, but whenever she saw her little girl she thought of her little girl's other mother. It was beginning to concern Callie how consuming everything had become with Arizona, not that she was surprised in the least.

It had felt so long since she felt close to Arizona. It had been two and a half weeks and she felt so distant from this woman she once loved with her whole being. She snuck her way into Arizona's room and sat down, resting an empty glass of wine on the opposite of Arizona's nightstand.

She let out a heavy sigh followed by a large yawn. The separation was hard. She knew Arizona was so close but couldn't shake how far she felt from her. In her tired brain she anxiously thought over their entire relationship, every problem and pitfall.

In the very back of her mind she thought, I shouldn't be doing this. What happens when she comes home and– She shook her head. It already felt like Arizona was miles and miles away, so what was the worst thing this could do?

Callie let her head rest onto Arizona's pillow and breathed in the scent of Arizona. She was so glad that the guest bed had become Arizona's bed, although she had slept so little in it that she was surprised it still smelled very much like Arizona. Her smell was sweet but subtle. It felt so rawly like Arizona in every sense of the word, and she couldn't get enough of it.

She wanted Arizona home and safe, but she knew this is what Arizona had needed to do for herself. She wanted Arizona home and safe in her arms. All that stress she saw in her eyes and the tension in her shoulders, Callie studied and knew exactly how she would ease all the pain. She had spent years studying Arizona, but she had her hands tied. It's not my place.

As she let her eyes rest and she was losing the fight to stay awake long enough to peel herself out of her bed before Arizona arrived. She grabbed the pillow in her arms and inhaled deeply. She drifted off to the memory and fantasy of wrapping her arms around Arizona in just the same way and breathing in that intoxicating Arizona scent. She fantasized that this was just any other time Arizona had a late night and came crawling into bed later, dreaming that she was still the place Arizona was always coming home to.

In many ways, she still was, however, it felt so different. So, so different and so, so new.


A few hours later Arizona trudged her way home, making her way to Callie's apartment and slipping out of her shoes one step at a time as she walked toward her bedroom. The door creaked open slowly.

Arizona smiled at the sight before her.

Arizona couldn't remember the last time she saw Callie's face look so calm. At the end of their marriage her smile turned into a slight frown as she slept and a small wrinkled creased her forehead right between her eyes and she processed everything that was transpiring between the two of them. It was a painful line to watch dark and deepen over time. She knew she had aged quite a bit through all that pain and heartache.

She spent all day holding together an image she couldn't keep for much longer, it was such a relief as she could physically remove all the trappings of her work. She stepped out of her pants as quietly as she could and unbuttoned her blouse, she unclasped and pulled down her bra from underneath her tank top and her smile grew as she approached the bed. She was so tired, she had never felt quite this exhausted from her work.

She was degrading. She literally felt herself breaking down with each step, each meeting, each patient. Everything that once excited her was ripping her apart at the seams.

Each time she looked at Callie she felt her stress disentangle from her being and a splash of fear creep in underneath the peace Callie was offering. In this moment, she felt no fear.

She lowered herself down onto the bed, her eyes locked on Callie's sleeping for the whole time. She looked so peaceful and so inviting. She wanted nothing more than to curl up right next to her or in her arms and let her block out everything else in the world. Her chest tightened.

Arizona brushed the back of her palm against Callie's warm cheek. She was mesmerized by how her lips upturned in the corners yet every other part of her face seemed so serene and relaxed.

Arizona envisioned a future of this every night and every morning. She wanted to go to sleep in Callie's arms each and every night for the rest of their lives. Closing the door to her bedroom, she smiled. It felt like she had forged a sanctuary thanks to Callie's presence alone.

She sat back up and pulled off her prosthetic, her eyes never detracting from the beautiful creature she found in her bed after midnight. Her eyes got blurry. She sighed deeply. Her heart dropped in her chest thinking about everything she's missed out on in the last few weeks; All the times saying good morning and good night to her and Sofia and everything in between.

She laid on her side facing Callie sleeping soundly.

Her throat constricted uncomfortably and she felt her cheeks get hot. She gulped painfully. She brushed her fingers against Callie's cheek again and felt the soft peach fuzz. Her hand shook slightly as she felt a tear well up in her eye.

Callie inhaled loudly and scrunched her face. She fluttered open her eyes.

Arizona tilted her head and smiled softly at the sight before her. She felt like quite the sight for sore eyes, herself, but she couldn't stop staring at the beautiful woman in front of her. She was so breathtakingly stunning, she was her favorite work of art.

"Hey." Callie whispered.

Arizona just replied with a small upturn to her mouth.

"You're home." Callie smiled groggily. She couldn't stop staring at Arizona, she was so beautiful. She was barely dressed anyway. Callie's eyeline drifted to Arizona's chest, she gulped.

"I am." She squeaked.

Callie's brows scrunched. Her hand reached out and grabbed Arizona's forearm gently. "What's wrong?"

Arizona smiled uncomfortably and her eyes shifted away from Callie's gaze. She swallowed a whimper. Her eyes looked so blue. They seemed to become even more vibrant when she was tearing up. Callie saw, even in this low light.

"Callie…" she said longingly.

"Hey." She said softly and just opened her arms and readily enveloped Arizona. She felt cold.

Arizona sighed loudly, Callie felt her relax ever so slightly in her embrace.

"Here." Callie pulled the blankets up above the two of them, creating a small, warm little haven just the two of them.

"I've worked the last fourteen days straight and in the last seventy-two hours I slept maybe twelve."

"Arizona." Callie cooed.

"I almost fell asleep at my desk." She said in a disappointed tone. "I'm running out of steam."

"Anyone would." Callie rewrapped her arms gently around her ex-wife. "You're doing the best you can."

Arizona's eyes drifted heavily shut. With her eyes shut she daydreamed that this was just another night, that these arms would be waiting for her every night. With her eyes closed she could ignore this was her ex-wife and maybe just pretend that the past few years never even happened. None of that pain and hurt would exist and she would be allowed to just decompress in her lover's arms.

"I'm glad you got home safely." Callie sighed.

Callie felt Arizona nod slightly in her embrace.

"How was today?" She kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so tired, Callie." she whined. "Nicole is driving me up the wall." Arizona sighed.

What Arizona really wanted to say was: something's not right. She wanted to fall into Calllie's arms and let Callie soothe her until she drifted to sleep. She was digging her heels for progress with the clinic, it gave her a sick feeling knowing how far she would be from Callie from here on.

"It's so much to do. They were talking about a breaking ground ceremony and–" she shuddered. "I don't know, Callie."

"Shh." Callie soothed. "It's a lot right now, but everything will work its way out."

"But, Callie–"

"I know you feel guilty about the clinic. You don't have to sabotage yourself again." She said with her eyes closed.

They both knew what she was alluding to, although Arizona did seem to have quite a track record of ruining things just as things get serious.

"It feels like it's maybe too much." She whispered.

It felt like there was always something trying to tear them apart. There was always bad around the corner. In their marriage, so much bad had happened that eventually they stopped planning. Anxiety spoiled hope.

In Callie's warm embrace, she felt still at last. Her mind slowed down and she began to trust Callie's words.

"I had to stop by the hospital too so now I smell like hospital." She whined softly. Talking about work longer would prevent her from falling deeper than she already has, right?

Callie chuckled softly and took a loud inhale. "You smell like you, Arizona."

"Maybe that just means I smell like hospital."

Callie rubbed Arizona's back. "You don't." She giggled.

"Maybe I do." Arizona's heart sank as she anxious thought of all the hours she sunk into the hospital when she could've been with her family. Callie had even used that against her in the custody battle so maybe–

"Shh, you're spiraling."

"Callie–" Arizona lifted her head up and with teary eyes looked at Callie.

"Arizona." She interrupted. "Please just trust that everything will be okay, and if it's not, we'll figure it out."

Arizona rested her head back down on Callie's shoulder and felt herself be wrapped tightly in her ex-wife's arms.

"I'm here, okay?"

Arizona exhaled loudly through her nose.

"I'm here and we're going to figure this out." She whispered. "You knew this was going to be a lot of work and you're in the thick of it right now."

She wanted to argue back, but she was far too tired. She snuggled in tighter into Callie.

"It will get better. It won't be like this forever." And as much as she wanted to believe Callie, something inside her was holding back and truly believed that maybe her life would forever be like this, hectic and busy, with barely any time with her family.

Arizona nodded hesitantly. "I'm just so–" she groaned stiffly. "I don't know."

Callie let her lips linger on Arizona's forehead and spattered a few more gentle kisses across the top of Arizona's head. "Just be here right now." She felt Arizona giggle softly. "Be here, just us." She cooed.

Arizona looked up toward Callie and saw such a look of adoration. Each day and each loving looking from Callie eased the pain a bit more. She was beginning to mend the scars from the looks of pain and anguish she caused in her partner's eyes. She was learning to focus more on the joy and hopefulness she saw.

"You know I'm here for you." Callie said directly, looking so deeply in the crux of Arizona.

In this moment she saw no pain, and she felt no hesitation.

She reached her fingers out to Callie's chin and pulled her gently toward her. Her lips gently touched hers. It was a plain, gentle kiss, but it communicated everything she needed to say. It was grateful, faithful and trusting. She wanted to let her in desperately. It lingered, not longer than either of them had wanted. Callie's hands tightened their grasp on Arizona.

She wanted this to go on forever. She snuggled back into Callie's chest and she felt something tingle inside her. She smiled as she finally drifted to sleep.


July 20th, 2018

It was the fifteenth day in a row of work. The fifteenth day her alarm woke her up bright and early at six o'clock.

She jumped immediately at the sound of her alarm and was saddened by the empty sheets behind her. It was cold. Compared to how warm and safe she felt just hours ago in Callie's arms, it was some wake up call.

She heard faint, familiar voices in the kitchen. She cracked a small grin.

"Did you hear that?" She barely heard.

She then heard her daughter giggle and soon after the door to the bedroom swung open.

"Good morning, Mama!" Sofia smiled and ran into her mother's arms. She had become extra clingy to Arizona when she was home, however they spent most of the time they were in the same place asleep.

"Good morning, my sweet girl." Arizona smiled and gently rocked her daughter in her arms. Over her shoulder she saw a small, adoring look from her ex-wife standing in the doorway holding a tray with the most divine looking breakfast. Callie motioned back over to her daughter.

Arizona pulled back and looked at her daughter. "What are you doing up so early?"

Sofia giggled. "Mami and I made you breakfast in bed so we could eat together." She smiled. There was a small look of sadness in her eyes, she really had missed her mother.

"That sounds amazing, Sofia." She took a deep inhale. "And it smells incredible."

Sofia rolled over to sit next to Arizona and Callie said respectfully at the foot of the bed. Sofia snuggled into Arizona's side, wrapping her small arm over Arizona's waist.

Callie smiled at the embrace. She wanted to join in and make both her girls feel plentifully loved and cared for, but knew it wasn't time for that. Arizona needed time with their daughter to remind her what all of this had been for in the first place.

Without meaning to, Callie's eyes wandered down the front of Arizona's top. She forced a smile and diverted her attention to the spread before her, placing the wooden tray between herself and Arizona. Two coffees and an orange juice for Sofia, a few biscuits, a bowl of freshly cut fruits, and a pile of bacon and eggs in various forms.

Arizona's mouth watered.

"Here," Callie said. "Strawberry jam for you," she placed in front of Arizona, "and grape jelly for the little miss."

"You poached eggs?" Arizona practically drooled.

"Poached, fried and scrambled." Callie smiled proudly.

Arizona sighed softly, relaxing her more tense smile into a relaxed grin. She felt tension lift off her shoulders from the mere look of Callie's face and the soft touch of her daughter snuggled into her side. She reached up and tousled Sofia's dark locks.

She loved Sofia's hair. It was so much like Callie's. The hue was so deep and dark and she was always mesmerized by it when braiding either of their hair. She pulled Sofia's head into her and kissed the top of her head gently.

Callie handed each of her girls a biscuit and each slathered on their chosen jelly or jam.

Arizona studied Callie as she carefully spread the knife over her flaky biscuit. Callie's hands were distracting to say the least.

"I can't believe you make fresh biscuits this early." Arizona said before taking a bite, sighing at the warm pastry.

Callie smirked.

Callie held out her own biscuit in front of her.

"What are you doing?" Arizona asked flatting, hiding a small, amused laugh.

"Cheers!" Callie smiled.

Arizona looked over and shared a look with Sofia. Deciding to take Callie up on that offer, the three of them tapped their biscuits together. Sofia giggled.

It was everything she had been craving. It was everything both of them had been craving. An intimate family moment, just them.

Callie couldn't take her eyes off of Arizona the entire time. This whole time she had felt so helpless. She couldn't fix everything for Arizona this time. She was more than content being able to at least feed Arizona a good breakfast before undoubtedly another strenuously long day.

Callie felt a small sensation right where her ribs ended. She wanted nothing but this forever. Nothing else mattered if she could have these quiet moments with her family. She placed her hand on Arizona's bare leg in front of her, rubbing it up and down just barely.

They ate in peaceful silence, nothing but the sound of stray blankets rustling and quiet chewing.

Over the course of their breakfast, Sofia yawned more and more.

"Getting sleeping there, huh?" Arizona giggled.

Sofia nodded sleepily and rested her head more firmly on Arizona's shoulder. She knew her Mama only had so much time before she needed to go to work. She had gotten used to it, but dreaded it. She wanted to pout and cause a fuss until Arizona relinquished, staying home with her, but she knew she couldn't. She wanted to wrap her arms around her Mama and beg for her to stay home with her and cuddle for the entire day.

"Okay, honey." She looked over at the time. "It's time to get up."

Sofia clenched her fists slightly into the fabric of Arizona's tank.

"I don't want you to go." She whispered, her voice quivering.

Arizona's heart broke. She wrapped her arm around Sofia and squeezed her in her arms firmly. "I know, honey." Arizona looked up and frowned sadly at Callie.

Sofia whimpered softly and snuggled herself into Arizona's side as much as she could. It suddenly felt very real and out of her control.

"It's going to be okay, my sweet girl. I am not working tomorrow and we can be together all day, okay?"

Sofia picked her head up to look at her Mama. Her eyes were reddened. "Really?"

"Really." Arizona smiled largely, trying to hide her own anxiety about leaving her daughter yet again.

Callie locked eyes with her as Arizona began to fidget more as the time moved swiftly approaching when she had needed to leave by.

"Sofia, why don't I tuck you back in bed?" Callie asked.

Sofia nodded sleepily and extended out her arms.

Arizona chuckled.

"Carry me, Mami." She said sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"Come here." Callie giggled and lifted Sofia into her arms and carried her upstairs.

Once Sofia was out of earshot, Arizona sighed loudly. The back of her throat felt scratchy. She felt more than guilty.

She sat in her guilt for a few minutes. It felt like she was being eaten alive from the inside out.

She brushed a tear from under each of her eyes before swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"I thought you had a meeting scheduled for tomorrow." She heard from the doorway.

Arizona groaned. "I do."

"So?" Callie tilted her head, trying to keep her eyes off of Arizona's bare legs as she moved the blankets off her lap.

Arizona looked over to Callie, trying to hide the hotness she felt erupt on her cheek. She felt so exposed putting on her prosthetic in front of Callie. But weirdly, it was a feeling she was craving. An intimate vulnerability she had been missing for such a long time. She felt more than safe, if a little nervous, in front of Callie covered in nothing but a tank top and her underwear.

"I guess I have to cancel it." Arizona sighed, pulling on her prosthetic.

Callie just nodded in silence.

"Can you hand me–" She motioned over to a pair of pants folded on top of the dresser.

Callie felt a shiver. She rushed to grab it and bring it over to Arizona.

Arizona smiled, taking it from Callie's hands.

She carefully stuck each of her feet in, standing up before wiggling them up her legs.

Callie swallowed loudly and tried to pull her eyes away from the sight of Arizona's long legs and her barely-covered ass right in front of her.

Arizona didn't seem to mind. It was just like what they were used to. Small, intimate moments. Being able to physically and emotionally care for one another. To accept the other however they showed up.


Less than fifteen minutes later, she pulled her car into the hospital parking lot and sat in silence for a moment. She thought of her family back home, how sweet her daughter was this morning. She had known by the look of her face, she hadn't wanted Arizona to leave that morning before she even opened her mouth. She knew by the look on Callie's face, Callie didn't want her to leave either.

In the back of her mind she also felt Callie's hot gaze on her body. It was enough to make her shiver. That tension was a different type of tension than she had been feeling, but it added to it all the same.

She groaned loudly and rested her forehead on her steering wheel. She knew she had made a choice and she knew why she had made it, but each day away from her family was making it more and more difficult to accept. She loved her work and loved working towards her goals, but hours upon hours of administrative work, an utter lack of sleep, and a distance of sometimes two hours between her and her family, was eating at her.

The handle to her purse was surprisingly cold as she pulled it into her lap. She saw a small lunch box in there and smiled. She sighed a calming breath through a small smile and tried to remember why she was doing this. She unzipped the side and slipped out a small note Callie had written to her.

Arizona

She placed her fingers on the ink and smiled. She loved the way her name looked in Callie's beautiful handwriting. She slipped the note back inside for later. She took a moment and smiled in silence. She tried to carry those sweet moments with her.


She had scrubbed in after setting her things down in Callie's office. She had two back to back cases and knew she had a long day ahead of her. She had an amniotic bands case followed by a congenital diaphragmatic hernia.

She desperately needed to slow down, but in the back of her mind she knew what she really wanted.

She kept trying to ground herself with images of that morning. How sweet it was to spend time with her family. But it was increasingly difficult to hold onto those sweet memories.

Her face felt hot underneath her mask and scrub cap.

She began to feel herself break down. She felt everything she worked for slowly slipping from her grasp. She knew this wasn't sustainable, none of it. She had put too much on her plate. She had unmeaningly sabotaged herself once again.

It was creeping toward nine o'clock by the time she was scrubbing out. She knew she still had mountains of charting ahead of her. It had been a longer surgery day than expected. Seemingly everything went awry and she ended up spending more time fixing complications than performing the expected surgery.

Arizona retreated back into Callie's office. She had barely touched what she had planned on doing today for the clinic.

The door creaked open. Arizona knew from the sound of the door knob turning who it was. She knew by how forceful yet weirdly hesitant.

Arizona ignored the new presence, continuing to type, without looking up at Nicole.

"I figured you'd be in here." She smirked slightly.

"What are you doing here, Nicole?"

"Robbins, are you in this or not?"

Arizona took a loud, deep breath. "Nicole, you should leave."

"So you're out?" She fired back.

"Nicole…"

"You canceled the meeting for tomorrow."

"It's been a long day, we can discuss this on Monday." Arizona suggested, continuing to chart her surgeries.

Nicole shook her head slightly and walked closer to her. "That was the last meeting we had before the start of renovations, you just pushed out our construction timeline even more."

Arizona was finding it difficult to care at that moment. "You haven't been to half of the meetings. I'm the one running this–"

Nicole scoffed.

"Excuse me?" She finally whipped her head over to Nicole.

"Why have you even been performing surgery here? You don't have time for that and you know it."

"I told you I would be doing this." She tried to keep her tone and her cadence steady.

"And how's that working out for you?"

Arizona balled her fists up so tightly her nails dug into her palms.

"Arizona." Nicole said softer than her tone had been before. "I need your commitment on this."

"I am committed." Arizona said through gritted teeth.

"Well, you've been a little distant lately too, chasing down Callie as much as you can."

Arizona tried to steady her breath.

"That's why you're working here too, right?"

"Nicole…" She snarled. "I am in this. I have been in this. I have been picking up your slack for the last month."

Arizona was fuming. If she said one more thing she knew she would probably regret what she wanted to say to Nicole at that moment.

"Look–"

"God, will you shut the hell up?"

"Robbins, if you keep acting like this you're going to tear your family apart again before you can stitch it back together."

"Don't you dare talk about my family." She bit, if looks could kill, Nicole would've been six feet under already.

Arizona shut her laptop forcibly and shoved it in her bag. She stood up and stormed past Nicole toward the door.

"Arizona–"

She just kept walking. She didn't even know where she was walking, she just knew she needed to get away. She was fuming. Every hair on her body stood on end and even muscle was tenser than she thought possible. Her shoulders sat high and tightened.

A familiar face came running towards her. She must've been coming to her office to check on her anyway.

Arizona was steaming, she was going to snap at any moment and she didn't want it to be at Callie.

"What happened?" Callie looked shocked.

Arizona shook her head and continued to walk at a more than brisk pace down the empty catwalk.

"Callie." She said with a warning tone.

Arizona balled up her fists.

"Arizona." she coaxed.

"You should walk away, Callie." She shuddered.

"What? No. I'm not leaving, Arizona." Callie tried to reach out and grab Arizona's forearm.

Arizona was steaming.

"Please talk to me." Callie cooed gently.

Arizona shook her head frantically.

"Arizona." She sighed.

"Callie, please walk away." She scolded.

"Come on." She said sadly.

"I'm done waiting, Callie!" She exclaimed, snapping, she turned red. "I'm done being so terrified that you're going to just leave and take my daughter again." She scoffed. "If you're going to leave, just leave."

"Arizona, what is–"

"Just leave already. Stop putting me through this, stop putting our daughter through this!" Her eyes looked different and her posturing was alarming.

Arizona stood with her mouth aghast, not believing the words that had just left her tongue. She watched her vision blur.

"Callie–" She said with a frog in her throat.

Callie took a step back and raised her hand as if to maintain the distance between the two of them.

"I don't–" she began to panic, "I didn't mean that." She cried.

Arizona stumbled backwards. "I'm sorry." She whispered, her eyebrows raised sadly. "I'm sorry." She repeated breathily.

Callie watched as Arizona scrambled.

"Callie," she sighed sadly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't–"

"Hey." Callie's eyes locked on hers.

Arizona's eyes welled with tears and she backed up. "Callie." She whimpered.

"Come here." She said sternly and opened her arms.

Arizona looked hesitantly at Callie's open arms. "Callie."

"Arizona." Callie said softly but firmly. "Come here."

Arizona fell into Callie's arm, her body crumbled into her's. She wished she could just crawl into Callie's skin and take a break from all the stress she created. Callie was her safe space.

"I'm sorry." She quietly cried into Callie's chest. "I've had such a long day and–"

"Shh…" Callie soothed. "It's okay."

Arizona balled the fabric of Callie's shirt up.

"I'm done leaving you." Callie said sternly. "And you're not leaving me." She gently rocked her in her arms and kissed the top of her head.

Arizona whimpered softly. She breathed in Callie's scent.

"I'm here, Arizona." She cooed into her ear. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry." Arizona exhaled.

"I know." Callie whispered in her ear, she placed another kiss atop Arizona's ruffled blond hair.

"I'm so tired, Callie." She whispered.

"I know." She said gently, kissing her head again. "Let's go home."


The whole way home, Arizona held tightly onto the hand Callie offered into her lap.

Arizona's eyes dazed unfocused out the car window the whole drive home. She felt her cheeks redden. She felt so embarrassed all of a sudden. She crumbled apart as a human being and she let Callie try to put her back together. She was falling into the trap that she had gotten so upset at Nicole over in the first place.

She was so sick of this. She was so sick of fighting and protecting herself. She was craving the freedom Callie gave her. She wanted to run away from her responsibility as it meant she was running into Callie's arms.

She was so done with all of this, all of this stress and anguish.

What she did know, is that Callie was easing that anguish and making it all seem worth it. With that, she knew she was taking away something from Callie. Her freedom, her choice.

She knew If she let Callie, she would swoop in and save the day to her own demise. She couldn't let that happen. If she was down for count, she knew she needed Callie to stay on her feet.

In her mind reeling from her emotional release, she couldn't fathom actually wanting to be there for her in such a raw and all-encompassing way. In some way, she had gotten triggered and had reverted to seeing herself as only a burden to Callie.

When the rational side of Arizona peaked through, the two sides fought even more and tired herself even more. Eventually, as she ran out of steam she was willing to let Callie in.


"We should talk, Arizona." Callie said softly once she parked the car. She didn't look up at Arizona.

"I don't want to talk."

"Are you okay?" She asked cautiously, pulling back ever so slightly.

Arizona furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?" She asked with such a small voice.

Callie sighed sadly. "When you yelled at me, It felt like–" She stuttered. "I don't know, I just want you to be okay."

"You don't think I'm okay?" Arizona wrinkled the spot between her eyebrows just slightly. She tried to force the panic out of her voice.

"I want you to be, Arizona. I want you to be healthy and I'm here for you. You've been taking on so much, too much, and you know that."

Arizona nodded sadly.

"Do you really think I'm going to leave?" She asked sincerely, she looked up with a few tears in her eyes.

Arizona shrugged. Her heart dropped seeing Callie's expression. "Callie…" She sighed.

Callie smiled smally.

"It feels like everything's going wrong." She whispered, her eyes fell downward.

"How can I help?" Callie asked softly.

Her heart stopped. She couldn't remember the last time she had Callie like this. She never wanted it to end, but it was with a heavy heart that the circumstances brought it.

Arizona smiled sadly. "Just–" She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over until she rested her head on Callie's shoulder.

Callie rubbed up and down Arizona's arm. "I'm here." She kissed the top of Arizona's head. "I'm not leaving."

She so desperately wanted to believe her.

Callie was so warm and it all felt so right. In Callie's arms, Arizona felt so oddly cold and Callie never wanted to let go.

Arizona sighed. She pulled up to look Callie in the eye. She traced Callie's cheek with her fingertips and let her eyes fall into Callie's pressing gaze.

She felt herself move closer to Callie's face. If only she could close the distance, she knew Callie would be able to make her forget the world for a few moments. If she let it go any further, she knew she would be able to block the world out for as long as Callie would allow. She would completely bend to Callie's will and if Callie had pushed it, she wouldn't object in the slightest. She was so sick of fighting and stressing. She was tired of responsibility and seeing Callie's full lips in front of her was more than tempting.

She squeezed her eyes tight. She felt Callie's hot breath on her lips. She felt Callie's body shake ever so slightly.

Callie's hands delicately stroked patches of her bare skin. It made her nervous, excited, and back to nervous.

The air felt heavy.

She wanted more. She knew what would make her feel better. She knew that wasn't the right solution, but it was a solution. A stopgate to what she was feeling and an outlet to pour herself in Callie in every way she had been imaging for years.

"Arizona…" Callie cried.

Arizona felt tears come over her own eyelids. Her hands drifted their way to the back of Callie's neck and she dug her nails into locks of Callie's hair.

They pulled each other closer and rested their foreheads on one another's.

It felt so… intimate. Besides the growing sexual tension between the two of them, it felt just so rawly humane and loving. They couldn't get around the fact that they once loved each other and to a degree, they both still did, but neither could recognize how that word could possibly be associated with the other after all the heartbreak.

It was all new to them. It was a mature love, a deep adoration and respect for the other. At the end of the day, it was having someone put your needs before their own and knowing you had someone no matter what. It was a powerful drug. It accepted all the pain and heartbreak, it didn't push it down. This love, this connection, knew there was enough room for it all. The two of them had created a beautiful space just the two of them and in the meantime had formed such a raw and deep trust.

Their breathing synchronized as they basked in the presence of the other. Neither of them wanted to leave their little oasis. Callie brought her hand up to Arizona's cheek and gently ran her thumb over her cheekbone over and over.

It felt more powerful than either of them had ever felt before. It was like everything they had felt for the other plus all those years they lost and so, so much more. There was lust, but it wasn't the driving force, it was the closeness. It was a quiet love, it didn't need much, just the two of them. That quietness and serenity was a blessing for them, to be so fully at peace in the arms of another.

But, at the end of the day, lust was easier to dismiss and put into a little box. If all they had was a sexual flame, none of the rest had any true merit, right?

Lust was much easier to describe than the deepness the two of them felt. Acknowledging this new love meant acknowledging all the pain and accepting it. As of now, that was far too big a task for two supposedly unattached ex-wives and coparents. The lust was easier to let rush over them and mask all of the other stuff.

"We should, uh, go upstairs." Arizona shook her head.

Callei inhaled deeply. "Right."

As they pulled back, they caught each other's eyes and knew exactly what the other was feeling, and both knew exactly that there was something blocking them from acting upon their deepest desires.


Arizona perched herself at the foot of the bed and looked directly into Callie's big brown eyes at the doorway. Callie not-so-chalantly rested against Arizona's bedroom door.

"Good night, Arizona." Callie smiled sincerely, although no part of her wanted to leave.

Arizona nodded smally, accepting Callie's choice. But there was something inside her that wouldn't accept it. She needed Callie to stay, to wrap her arms around her, to tell her she is cared for. She had missed having someone to love for her so deeply and what Callie was doing felt an awful lot like that.

Callie had already put Sofia to bed so there was nothing left to do then to just be.

"Callie?" She immediately bit her tongue.

"Hm?" Callie turned around.

"I'm sorry." Arizona said flatly, her eyes looked sad.

Callie tilted her head sadly.

Arizona fought her tongue for a few moments. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said."

Callie didn't want to leave either, just her resolve had been a bit more intact than Arizona's.

"Do you still sleep better when I'm with you?" Callie said after a pause with a weird pouty and hopeful expression on her face.

Arizona's lips upturned. She was too tired to protest and she was losing the will and the fight to try to so staunchly oppose the much needed and welcome affection.

Arizona smiled smugly. She knew Callie was inviting herself into bed with her and she had no issue with that. Well, in another world, she would be able to see this more logically for what it was–her ex-wife crawling into bed with her– instead of some temptress finally giving in to what they both wanted all along.

Arizona looked over at Callie and swallowed deeply. Everything was too much and the things she was thinking and the things she was feeling toward that beautiful woman in front of her made her double take.

She gulped as her eyes really took in Callie's form. Her hips, her breasts. Her height, her delicious legs. She needed a cold shower.

"I'm going to hop in the shower real quick." Arizona forced out. She slipped into the adjoined bathroom and quickly rinsed off.

As she stood in the water stream she could help but think how much she wanted to not be taking that shower alone. She was beyond tired and she was so sick of fighting all these desires. She loved their showers together, how gentle they were with each other, how caring and loving. Washing each other's hair was one of their favorite things to do.

It felt so vulnerable, and it was everything Arizona had been craving. It had been so tiring to keep her walls up for so long. What made it harder was there was a very eager and very beautiful woman in the room over who she knew would take better care of her than she knew how.

Arizona toweled off quickly and through on a t-shirt and a pair of panties.

She almost lost her breath when she entered the room. It felt like how it did in the strongest points of their marriage. Callie laid there waiting for Arizona to crawl into bed, ready to open her arms for her wife.

Arizona pulled the covers back and scooted her way toward Callie, their noses almost touching.

They laid in silence momentarily taking it all in. Callie's hand went up to hold Arizona by her waist, accidentally, but not unwelcomingly snuck underneath Arizona's shirt. Her skin was still slightly damp.

"Arizona…" Callie purred. It was growing more and more difficult for her to control herself too. There was this breathtaking woman in front of her who was sacrificing so much for their family, and who was slowly letting her back in. Each glimpse she saw of the deepest parts of Arizona made her want so much more. She wanted it all.

The hairs on the back of Arizona's neck stood up. She shivered, bringing herself face to face with Callie.

"You are the mother of my child." Callie said with firm eye contact. "You are my family, no matter what."

Maybe it was the admission of everything Callie had tried to disprove in the custody battle, or the forever language she used. She felt confident that they would be in each other's life forever and it felt so inevitable that it would be more than coparents. Their souls had connected once and in breaking apart from each other, they lost little bits of themselves to which they had to mend on their own.

Arizona felt so hot, her cheeks flushed.

"Callie…"

She wanted her back more than anything. It felt like they didn't have to do any more mending. All they had to do was just exist here in this moment with each other.

"Kiss me." She said calmly. "Please." She mouthed. She felt desperate and eager. She needed to feel Callie as close as she possibly could. She needed to feel the warmth of every inch of Callie's body, and wanted to feel the warm, gentle touch of her tongue against hers.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Callie said with a shaking voice. She wanted nothing more at this moment. She was holding on by a thread.

"I can handle myself." Arizona bit her lip. She wanted to pull Callie into herself and let their bodies reconnect as well as they once were intertwined.

"I'm not sure I can." She swallowed awkwardly.

"Callie…" she purred. She tucked a stray curl back behind Callie's ear, letting her fingertips rest there until she felt goosebumps. She smiled knowing the feelings were reciprocated.

Callie vibrated with anticipation, she squeezed her eyes shut. God, Arizona. She always knew the blonde would be the death of her.

They were once so deeply in love and that didn't disappear. Each day that passed in the same city felt like more than enough evidence of that.

"In here it's just us, right?" Arizona whispered, letting her nose rub gently over Callie's. She knew she couldn't get back what they once had, as of now, all she wanted– all she needed was her distraction.

A small grin crept on her face before it turned into a ponderous pout.

"It's just us?" Callie opened her eyes slowly to two darkened blue eyes looking directly at her.

She didn't care that it was Callie. She cared that it was a distraction. But truthfully, it only was a distraction because it was Callie. She had been so preoccupied with Callie for so long, she needed to let herself cave into her desires. She wanted to be irresponsible and a little reckless. She wanted to get the relief she knew Callie could provide.

Subconsciously, however, she wanted more. She wanted the great big love story they had, the romance and genuine care for each other. At this moment, all she craved was Callie and Callie's touch.

From Callie's perspective, it was an act of care to be let into Arizona's life like this again. She had also gotten so sick of trying to fight back her raw desire for her ex-wife. She wanted to run her hands over every inch of Arizona. She was hungry for her in every sense of the word. Her grasp tightened on her bare waist.

"Callie." She sighed softly right above Callie's lips.

Callie thought briefly about the great big feelings looming over them. This definitely was easier to give into.

Then it happened. Without protest, without expectation. Callie closed the short distance and was met with an equally willing participant.

Arizona moaned much louder than she meant to once she felt Callie's warm, velvety tongue enter her mouth. It felt like the bottom of her stomach dropped out completely, and her lungs failed to fill up at all.

Callie moaned slightly in reaction. The feeling of her soft lips against her own.

Arizona leaned into Callie more, chasing Callie's tongue with her own.

Callie dropped her jaw slightly at the sensation. She wanted so much more. She wanted it all.

Her hand drifted up slightly to the level of her breasts, yet carefully resting on Arizona's side. Her skin was so soft, although scattered with goosebumps.

Arizona pulled herself into Callie, her right leg barely making its way between Callie's.

Arizona's hands tangled in the back of Callie's head of hair. She tugged softly. She pulled her in even closer so that their tongues danced and slid gently back and forth.

She brought her hands to Callie's face, her fingertips brushing against her soft skin as she pulled her closer and deeper. She wanted to feel Callie in every way imaginable.

Callie's thumb barely made it onto the side of Arizona's breast. It was more unimaginable than she could stand. She wanted to be able to take the full weight in her hands, scatter kisses across every square inch of her skin and worship her physically.

Arizona slipped her own hand on Callie's bare waist. It felt heavenly.

Callie's hand wrapped around and supported Arizona's back, she leaned over and spattered kisses over Arizona's neck. She felt Arizona's breath hitch underneath her mouth as she gently sucked and nipped on the delicate skin there.

It was becoming so hard to resist. She pulled down the collar of Arizona's shirt and kissed the newly exposed flesh there too. Arizona hummed underneath her.

Arizona giggled, wrapped each of her arms around Callie, hugging her tightly. She sighed feeling her chest against hers.

She pulled back enough to connect their lips again. She shook slightly into her ex-wife and held her firmly.

The truth was they wanted it all. The lust, the sex, the desire, and this great big love story. They wanted intimacy and vulnerability. They wanted all the moments life would provide them, both big and small. They each couldn't imagine walking another step in life without the other beside their side.